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[cowboyjen68]

An article I was interviewed for a few weeks ago. I’m honored they (Them Magazine) asked me.

[cowboyjen68]

Sunset at the farm.

[cowboyjen68]

any advice on butch fashion during the summer months? im down in florida where its summer 24/7 and i have no clue what to wear!! hope you're having a lovely day, jen. love your blog <3

I am a fan of old guy fashion and hiker's fashion combined. Estate sales are great places to check out light weight, short sleeved pattern shirts that are well kept and were pricey when new. Wrangler makes a lot of very nice short sleeve dress shirts and many are light weight and not the heavy cotton.

I am a cargo pants wearer and my shorts are no different. They water proof light material is nicer than the heavy cotton or canvas work shorts. Wrangler cargo pants, NOT the riggs are light weight, dry fast and hold up to my work schedule for about one season so they will last average wearers much longer.

Hanes tagless undershirts are great to replace a bra or sports bra if you are size c cup or smaller. They have tighter arm pits so my ladies stay safe and don't make a showing when Id rather they didn't. ( I am a B cup).

For swimwear I wear a traditional speedo one piece because they are comfortable and fit well then a pair of Eddie Bauer swim trunks with a draw string over them. (do NOT forget to take your phone out of the pocket before getting in the water). The pockets all zip so anything that is water proof (like your hotel key) can be kept with while you swim and they protect the butt of your suit from wear and tear when sitting on a dock.

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen! im the anon that sent you that ask about prom and dressing for prom.

The girl that i mentioned having a crush on? she's my girlfriend now :) we still have a few months before prom but we are gonna go together. she's helping me plan my outfit :)

I know this is late in coming . I hope things are still going well and you are enjoying the the company of one another.

My guess is prom is in May so she has her dress and your outfit to compliment it?

Don't forget to order the right corsage. Get a wrist band if she is wearing a strapless dress or one made of light material.

[cowboyjen68]

15 y/o lesbian from Ohio, your blog makes me smile. Thank you

I am glad you found my blog!

At 15 I was so deep in the closet I thought my mullet made me look more straight. LOL

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jane, Firstly I want to thank you for this blog, it really gives me hope that it is possible to live my life as gay.

Secondly, I want to get advice from you on how to admit to my family that I am gay. Because my family does not like gay people and does not accept this idea, and I am 17 years old and my family is a close-knit family, so I do not know what to do about this matter and I do not have friends to talk to about this matter. I'm confused and I hope you can give me some advice on what I should do. Because I am tired of this situation, I want to confess, but at the same time I am afraid.

And sorry for my bad English. English is not my first language

Your English is fine and very easy to understand.

My advice is to not come out. There is no reason to endanger the loving and close family bonds you share right now. Being gay is an important part of you and how you experience the world but keeping that a secret from your parents is not shameful or acting out of malice. They simply do not need to know about that part of you yet.

Once you are on your own and self sufficient then you can make the decision to come out to them, or not. Once you are independent you will find friends who love you for exactly who you are and they will be a great support system as you work out whether or not to tell your family.

We keep lots of things from our parents by simple omission just to because many things are too much of a strain on the relationship, this is human nature. You don't own them a confession.

If you are not reliant on them that is the time when you can have the conversation and at least your livelihood, health and well being are protected. Sometime having you not under their care makes it easier for them to react less badly because they have room to think it over and absorb the information.

I know this might not be what you want to hear but you deserve to be safe and enjoy the family bonds while you are still living at home.

[cowboyjen68]

(I’m the one who was 15 going on 16)

Thank you, when I told my parents abt being a lesbian and wanting to date someone older my mom said I’m too young for sex and my dad said he just wants me to be happy as long as I have an education and ranted abt college and stuff for a while. It’s funny he always does that

Your dad and mom sound very much like mine. Dad would address things that concerned him by changing the subject to something just as important but unrelated and he always would add, "I just want you happy.".

Mom would tell me I was in no way ready to have sex or date and to take my time because growing up is hard and there is no reason to rush it. She was not wrong.

It is okay to date within your contemporaries and that is what I suggest you do. Once you are older and on your own you can start to expand the age range because the gap becomes less important after you have some adulthood under your belt.

I am glad your parent care. That is great to hear.

[cowboyjen68]

You kick ass. Thank you. 💪

Haha. Easiest Ask I have to respond to this week. I do my best. Thank you

[cowboyjen68]

Baby butch here! Almost had a heart attack at being called handsome by the most powerful butch I've ever seen. Hope you're having a nice day!

I truly am not all that and a bag of chips. LOL. What I am is the every butch. The average butch who has, by luck and love and a lot of effort fallen into living my dream life. Not the least part of which is being out and proud and able to be visible for those who need to see themselves in their elders.

I really am so heartened and happy when I see younger butches able to embrace Butch and support each other. Butches are handsome and passionate, funny and kind and all the other good things that humans can be!

[cowboyjen68]

Late 20's butch here. Thank you for everything that you do! I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your content and positivity. Sometimes I still struggle with confidence but your videos have helped me so much.

Thank you very much for these words. It is wonderful to hear and read that my positivity and sharing is making life a little brighter out there for younger lesbians.

It is fairly common for confidence to come with age and experience. Learning that mistakes we make in the "now" are not as destructive to our future as it feels can free us up to try things we might fail at. In the efforts (whether we succeed or fail) we learn more about ourselves and gain skills. Youth can make us hesitant to try things out of our comfort zone or even cloud our judgement as to what we enjoy as opposed to what others tell us we are supposed to enjoy.

You are already gaining confidence in yourself and before you know it you will be owing this life and living it for you!

One more thing. Confidence does not come at the expense of kindness and compassion, in fact, it thrives within those two things. Some people loose sight of that.

[cowboyjen68]

Hi, I want to advise you, Miss Jen . I am a 19-year-old girl, and I am a lesbian, but unfortunately, my family does not accept this idea and do not like gay people, and I have not yet told them this. I don't know what to do. I want to tell them, but at the same time, I'm afraid of their reaction. The problem is that I don't have close friends to tell this to.

So can you please give me some advice?

Because I have been following you for a while, and you make me feel comfortable when you share your stories and advice here or on TikTok. I really love you and wish you all the best 💕💕

I had a few moments on Monday so i did a quick Tiktok addressing your question.

My advice it to not tell them. Your first priority is to stay safe and maintain stability (housing, healthcare, education, etc. You don't owe them that part of your life.

I completely understand the desire to share such an important things with our parents and family. We love them and we want them to know all about things that are important to us and that includes such a core part of us, our sexual orientation. You are not any less of a lesbian if you keep that part of yourself private from them.

Put your focus on a job, a driver's license, a bank account, collection documents like your social security card and birth certificate and finishing your education. Once you are on your own and are paying for housing, health insurance and other necessary things then you can make the decision to tell them. Even once you are on your own, you do not have to. If you fear loosing them there is no shame in not coming out to them, now or ever.

You will eventually meet friends at jobs or school who will understand you and love you for all your core values and you can be yourself. Or choose what to share and what not to share. You are allowed the boundaries of some things being private with some people.

Even back in my youth the line of "Silence equals Death" was used by some to force others to come out when they were not ready or not in a safe place to do so. To be clear, that is not what it meant.

To this day I see others encouraging younger people to be "out and proud " because "we" will support you. The fact is, strangers on the internet are not able to take on the truly hard stuff of parenting that goes well beyond emotional support. It entails being responsible for a young person's mental. physical and monetary well being and it does not end at early adulthood.

Stay in the closet at home, seek friendships at work or in school that are fulfilling and trustworthy. You are not being shameful to stay safe in your home.

I am glad you found me on social media. And remember, just because I am out and loud now does not mean I always was. Taking our time to get to a good and safe place to be out takes time and courage.

[cowboyjen68]

One of my many talents is I fit into the bunny suit at one of my jobs. Butch Easter Bunny?

[cowboyjen68]

Young butch here - thanks!

HI Glad you landed here on my blog!

[cowboyjen68]

Hey Jen, thank you for all you do. I'm a young lesbian (going into my first year of university) and while I've met a few other lesbians in my life and retained a friendship (and I am deeply grateful for her), I worry that there are not many others out there like me. I've never had a girlfriend, and while I don't really feel the need to be in a relationship right now, I can't help but feel a little lonely. I'm worried that my strong opinions will make finding someone I click with even more difficult. Do you have any words of wisdom for a young woman worried there really aren't that many fish in the sea?

I didn't date until I was in my early 20's and i was out of college. I was terrified of being a lesbian and I knew boys grossed me out so I just waited.

In retrospect I was really not ready or that interested in dating while in college. I just felt that i didn't have the time or energy and literally no one really interested me enough to give up my focus on school, friends and coming out (not coming out. Yet everyone and thing (movies, TV, magazines, music etc) was telling me I HAD to date in order to be a "normal" teenager to early 20's women. It took some effort to just not date.

Most of us lesbians feel that our dating is already pretty small and then to have the knowledge (that straight people forget) that we are not attracted physically to all woman. AND even in the group of those we find physically attractive there are even few we share similar values and interests with.

This numbers game can really mess with our heads and panic our hearts. The key is to expand your world as you go. Don't be afraid to attend events or gatherings you are unsure about.

Follow what you are interested in. If you love cats volunteer at a shelter or rescue non profit. Attend their events, take the training. If you love reading lesbian history volunteer at the lesbians or lgbt+ archives at your school or at a place nearby. Start a simple book club or Cat Chat or Dog Discussion for lesbians using the meet up app or good old fashioned black and white fliers.

Attend women's festivals or music venues that feature women singers. Seek lesbians publications of zines on line and subscribe. If you attend a group or event and it is not for you take in that experience and move on.

The more you expand your world the more women you meet and in the meantime you are doing things you enjoy. AND at the end of they day you will have gained knowledge about what you like and dislike about dating, friendships and social situations.

[cowboyjen68]

You look really cool!! -Another Midwestern butch (transmasc edition)

You are probably experiencing this late March Snow Storm too. Stay warm and safe. As we all know, layers are important. I am glad you found my blog.

[cowboyjen68]

Oh my gosh you look amazing and so cool!

Thank you! I just happen to lead a chaotic and never dull life and sharing that gives me happiness.

[cowboyjen68]

I’m 15 turning 16 (legal age of consent where I am) and I want to date a cougar sapphic, do you know where to find them? I’m too young to be on dating apps and I’m not sophisticated enough for mingling with adults to be commonplace; If that makes sense

Ik it’s probably weird or something to want to date someone 5-10 years older than me but everyone my age lowkey sucks and I want to be with someone who’s got it all figured out, other teens are so complicated

As a parent and older lesbian who is invested in mentorship between generations I am going to tell you that at your age you would be better waiting to date before dating someone so much your senior. 16 and 26 or 30 are world's apart as opposed to a 26 year old and a 36 year old. You would most definitely be setting yourself up for a power imbalance that is, at best uncomfortable, and at worst dangerously abusive.

I would question the integrity and sanity and motives of any woman who would date a teenager while they are already deep in their 20's and you should too.

The truth is just because someone is older does not mean they have their life together or have anything figured out. If they are willing to date a 16 year old they most assuredly not mature or stable.

Teens are complicated because they are still growing and learning and figuring out the world around them. While gaining new experiences is a life long journey we all participate in, at 16 you need to put some years behind you to observe and learn about being an grown up, and not just an adult under the eyes of the law.

If you fear you are only attracted to women older than you I would highly suggest you put off dating until you are in your 20's or only date women close to your age just so you can get an idea of what you actually like and dislike in a romantic partner. There is no shame in finding older women attractive but there is a balance to be struck and being 16 is just too young to be intimately involved with someone in their late 20's.

It is not weird to crush on older women, it is a part of growing up. The whole "do I want to date her or be her" is a fine line many lesbians navigate in our heads and even our hearts. We should not act on it and an older woman with integrity would not allow you to go farther than a crush or admiration.

Don't rush to date, take your time. Stick with your cohort until you are older and have a bit more time and interactions with women and romance under your belt. Absolutely follow your attraction once you are older but for now i advise against seeking an intimate partner who is in her 20's.