crawledoutofmordor - Tumblr blog

[crawledoutofmordor]

An exploration of being queer in the 80s, identity, trauma and the alternative world.

Trans!Eddie // EST August 2022 // promo template

Not mutuals only, I will follow anyone that interacts with me so always feel free to message, send memes or tag me in starters.

Mun is a 30 year old trans man, GMT timezone.

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Meme’s are always open so feel free to send! // mobile link

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[crawledoutofmordor]

Just finished up stitching this Stranger Things themed blackwork, the pattern is "Strange Stuff" from PatchyAtBestCo. I used some leftover oatmeal aida and floss from my stash, I 100% plan on buying the Jurassic Park blackwork she has too at some point.

[crawledoutofmordor]

Ironically this was part of what Eddie had been afraid of, he stayed quiet, using the time that Steve rambled to collect himself to speak without audible panic present, he had spent so long preparing for this moment and it still didn't feel like enough.

"It's not that I didn't feel like I could tell you..." he had begun to fidget with his rings and pick at the skin around his nails, nervous habits he had clearly not managed to shake over the past decade. "I didn't know how, if I was still a girl it'd be easier, you know? But this," he gestured to himself before returning to his fidgeting, "added to the difficulty, and the risk of rejection." He licked his lips, not looking at Steve, knowing if he did he wouldn't be able to keep talking.

"She knows about you, she also knows that the reason you're not in her life is, well, me. I refused to allow her to think you didn't want her. I thought...maybe...if you're not angry with me..." he stopped himself, having to remind himself not to do too much at once, finding out he was a parent was probably overwhelming enough for Steve as it was without adding to it. "I took loads of photos, of everything I could for you. Even made you a photo album of the important stuff, she helped actually, she insisted on including extra photos of her playing basketball because...I told her how her other dad played..."

Out of practice in anything regarding flirting or sex, Steve finds his own cheeks flushing, darkening slightly at the fact Eddie decides to state so blatantly. "You're not wrong." Gaze averts, but only temporarily in the bit of embarrassment that washes over him. In the past, something this simple wouldn't have him so flustered, but now? Now it really flusters him.

Though Steve doesn't have time to feel embarrassed with the answer that is coming in response to his questioning. "Wait -" He pauses, the gears are visibly turning in his head as he's trying to piece this together. Though luckily it doesn't take that long. Especially when the name and who they were named after is mentioned on top of considering the time frame.. Oh. His face is redder with embarrassment. However, there's a part of him that is immensely confused; Wondering why Eddie didn't tell him about this, kept it a secret and let what is.. well.. their daughter as they've put it without their other parent.

Had Eddie been that scared? Scared of his reaction - Of what he would say? The thought brings his embarrassment to fade as other emotions take hold. All the questions flooding his mind at overwhelming him. There were so many questions that started with why?

"I.. wish you'd told me sooner." Steve can't help but to say this even though he knows fear is likely what drove them to keeping her a secret from him. "I mean I - I get why." Now he's stumbling over his words. Great. "You were.. scared, right?" Only it doesn't seem to make him feel any less.. hurt and man, he's not trying to be selfish. It's not all about him. "I just wish I could've been there." Been part of their lives. Unless it was actually that Eddie simply didn't want him to be? There's always that possibility though it's likely him just being insecure.

"I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me."

[crawledoutofmordor]

Happy Friday, friend! Let's take today to celebrate things you've accomplished. For one, you made it another week, a huge thing! Life is tough and you should be proud of how you've been handling everything so far. All the silent battles you fight on your own, times you wipe your own tears, and motivate yourself- None of that is easy! It shows your strength. The strongest people aren't always the people who show it off in front of the world, but those who fight and win battles others don't know anything about. Give yourself some of the credit you deserve! As always, make some time for self care (Whatever that may be for you!) You are cherished and adored in many ways you may not realise! I know I cherish and adore you! - ♡♡ Victoria

"It is really wonderful how much resilience there is in human nature. Let any obstructing cause, no matter what, be removed in any way, even by death, and we fly back to first principles of hope and enjoyment." – Bram Stoker, Dracula

// Sorry it took me almost a week to get to this, I went on an unintentional semi-hiatus but thank you <3

[crawledoutofmordor]

"The last time I called you Steve to your face, my legs were wrapped around your waist," he pointed out with a small laugh, though his cheeks did tint pink. He couldn't hide the way he bit his lip to hold back the grin at hearing his name, his real name, come from Steve's lips, he had to keep himself in check, not to get too excited, everything could change with what he still needed to tell the other.

His body language shifted, nerves surfacing despite his best effort to keep his body language reading as calm and relaxed, as though what he had left to say wasn't a huge deal, but it very much was. "Yeah...you specifically," he went quiet for a few moments before taking a deep breath and starting. "Even though I gave birth to Steph, she calls me her dad, I'm not her mom I'm her dad," okay that was the easy part.

"She's almost ten, I named her after her other dad, Stephanie being the girl version of...well..." he trailed off, gesturing towards Steve, his anxiety sky high and stopping him from being able to say it, he had gone over this conversation in his head so many times, but actually doing it? That was harder than he thought.

"You know, you can call me Steve." It's been long enough, right? Whether or not Eddie was around for a decent amount of that time didn't really matter. "I mean - Yeah.." He admits this upon their questioning whether or not he's confused. Steve would be lying if he said he wasn't and if he's going to ask? Well, he might as well be as honest as Eddie is being with him right now, listening to their explanation.

It's a lot to process, but he doesn't see anything wrong with it. If someone is happier being open about this sort of thing and living this way - it doesn't hurt anyone - there's no reason to have a problem. No surprise Steve is fine with it; His best friend is gay. Not that the two things are really the same, but they're both things he's aware most people are.. judgemental for. "Well, Eddie," He makes a point of using their new name, further proof he's supportive of this. "I'm uh.. glad you felt you could confide something like this in me." Even if it's years later.

Now everything made a whole lot more sense now that he's thinking about it. The way Eddie acted, the way that he dressed - if those could even be considered determining factors - Steve could see it now. This identity that the Eddie kept tucked away and out of sight. Is that way they practically ghosted him in the past? There were so many questions, but he knows all of the answers aren't exactly his business. Even if he's telling Steve he can ask away, he can't help but want to think of a way to ask things without upsetting them. Without somehow asking something stupid or rude. If he's going to ask things it's better for him to carefully word his questions. Eddie had cut him out of his life before. It's no surprise Steve has a bit of a fear of them disappearing again.

"So long as you're happy, that's what matters, right?" He smiles a little "Just let me know if I cross any lines or fuck anything up, okay?" Because if one thing is important? It's that Eddie feels respected. He does find himself blinking at their last statement, however. "With just specifically me or..?" The way they said it sounded that way. Why him in particular if so?

[crawledoutofmordor]

Eddie nodded, "yeah, and you know I gladly give you my body to practice on, are they letting you tattoo people yet?" It was no secret how excited Eddie had been when Gareth had gotten an apprenticeship, he couldn't think of a better carer, aside from drumming, for his friend.

eyebrows raise at the mention of fixing his ink, head tilting to the side. a part of him was waiting for eddie to ask him to help out with his ink. he had within the recent months finally gotten his internship with one of the few tattoo shops in hawkins. sure, he's always had a tattoo gun but now? he actually had some professional use from it. "yeah? you want me to do that for you?"

[crawledoutofmordor]

@ofeggcs asked; ‘I ain’t proud of all the punches that I’ve thrown, in the name of someone I no longer know.’ 

Eddie gave a sympathetic smile as he made his way back over to El with the mugs of hot chocolate he had made for the pair of them, he was still a little confused about everything that had happened. But the payout from the cover up had helped the metalhead buy himself a motorhome which the pair were currently inside of as he set the mugs down on the table and slid down across from her. "I know I still don't get," he gestured vaguely in the air, "everything, but we can't allow the past to control us, but, I'm here to listen, maybe talking about what you did will help?"

[crawledoutofmordor]

Eddie shook his head, "not weird no, what I do is just kick my shoes off, throw my jacket on the back of the couch and get comfy," he said as he did exactly that. He looked at Joshua but not with pity, with a genuine smile, "well you don't have to live out there any more, though I do wish you'd let me know, you could have crashed at my place, uncle Wayne wouldn't have minded." He gestured to the other side of the couch, "sit down, warm up a bit and then we'll bring the rest of your stuff in from the van, okay?"

If Joshua's face wasn't mostly covered by a black, cloth mask, the fact he's a little embarrassed by being referred to as a lost little sheep would be far more obvious; Red cheeks hidden behind the mask. Thankfully. "I appreciate the help." Regardless of whether or not it embarrassed him to be found like this as a whole.

It feels weird walking in with the idea that he can stay here. He can't remember the last time he had a roof over his head. Literally. Joshua can't remember. Now that he's thinking about it, that's kind of sad, isn't it? "Is it weird that I wouldn't know how to begin doing that?" He's honest, feeling somewhat alien being in an actual house. Yeah, that's definitely weird. So many things he's realizing about his life that aren't normal that are obviously not normal. "I mean - I've been living out there basically my whole life if I'm going to be honest." And yet he still went to school, did his homework, and acted like a 'normal' kid. It'd been on purpose. He hadn't wanted anyone knowing.

He didn't want to be a burden.

[crawledoutofmordor]

// breathed in too deep and set my abdomen pain off again, rip me

[crawledoutofmordor]

Even if he tried, Eddie couldn't keep the grin off his face upon seeing Chrissy, he thought she looked great, granted he thought she looked good even when she wasn't putting in 'effort', he thought she was a beautiful human by default, but when she tried? Damn she was cute. He did try to stop grinning as quickly as he could though, he didn't mind his friends seeing the spasms, people he knew wouldn't stare and mock him, but right now there were people that still thought he was a bad person around, but he had to keep up the confident façade. He shook his head as he hopped down off the hood, coke in hand, "Nah, technically we didn't set a time."

He checked he had his wallet on him and gestured towards the arcade, "ready to be my good luck charm?" Eddie was looking forward to spending time with her, he had done his best to clean up the back of the van so it would be comfortable and clean for Chrissy, he had a feeling she wouldn't judge him for mess, but he wanted to impress her though he wasn't entirely sure why, maybe he just really wanted to see her smile again?

☾⋆ ‒‒‒‒‒ For the first time since everything had happened, Chrissy was actually looking forward to the weekend. Lately she'd been dreading being stuck indoors for two days more than usual, probably because every time she walked around certain parts of her house she got flashes of what it had looked like in that vision Vecna had planted inside of her head. Boarded up windows, flickering light, those slimy looking vines. Everything about it had either been horrifying or just looked plain old wrong.

Saturday rolled around and for once she didn't spend hours laying in bed hoping the mattress would swallow her whole. Instead, she was up and at 'em and taking a morning shower. Chrissy had decided to make more of an effort, washing and blow-drying her hair, curling the ends and even applying some make-up. She looked a little more like her old self, even if she wasn't quite there on feeling that way just yet.

It was looking like it was going to be a balmy afternoon and she was glad she'd worn her white jump-suit with her long, pink, duster jacket. Seeing Eddie, she offered him a little wave as she made her approach, even smiling once she'd noted the effort he'd put into his appearance. ❝ I'm not late, am I? ❞

[crawledoutofmordor]

PSA - Accessibility in RP

I feel like many of you forget that both colour-blind and dyslexic people exist.

If you use a colour such as yellow, light green/blue or neon colours for your text, please be aware that those of us who are colour-blind may not be able to read it on the white post background.

And the placing of images mid-text (rather than at the end or top of the post) as well as different sizes of text, different fonts, using excessive editing such as bold and italics throughout the post can make it very difficult for those of us with dyslexia.

Please remember that people being able to actually read your replies accurately is more important than an aesthetic.

Obviously I don’t speak for all colour-blind and dyslexic folk, but it’s something that causes difficulties for me and I know it’s an issue for others I’ve talked with.

[crawledoutofmordor]

// Welp another tumblr update that makes me want to leave the site, they're rolling out a new layout where they're clearly just trying to look like twitter, you know, the website no one fucking likes, it looks so cluttered and crowded and the side bar isn't collapsible. I hope xkit are able to program a fix for this.

[crawledoutofmordor]

Eddie smiled, "don't stress, trust me I understand, there's a reason I go out of my way to help my lost little sheep, I just...wish I'd noticed sooner I guess?" He admitted, he didn't understand how he didn't notice someone his age was homeless, he thought he had been observant, what else had he missed? He quickly pushed the thought away, not willing to allow thoughts of guilt to overwhelm him, he needed to make sure Joshua was safe, that was his priority right now.

"Sure," He got back up and waited for them to take the lead in cleaning, it wasn't Eddie's belongings so he waited, helping once they started. As they packed up, Eddie asked if they had any allergies or dietary restrictions, he figured they would probably love a home cooked meal, he wasn't the best cook but he was improving.

Once they were all packed up, Eddie helped carry their belongings to his van and put them inside before the pair got in and drove up to Rick's home. It didn't take long to get everything brought inside, "make yourself at home."

Honestly? Joshua never thought anyone would offer him anything like this. A place to go. Shelter of any sort. How no one had noticed a literal preteen was homeless up until becoming twenty is beyond him. Maybe they chose not to see. Who knows?

"I - I mean.." He's struggling to find words and failing miserable. "Thanks? I don't know what else to say. I'm just.. surprised, I guess." To be helped in any degree. "I'm not really um.. used to people offering to help me." So maybe their knowing that would make why he's so at a loss for words so clear. "I guess it'd be best to clear out ASAP. In case any bad weather comes early.."

[crawledoutofmordor]

Eddie had already saved the image, he knew it was wrong but he couldn't help himself.

[EddieCC] Of course I liked it, I usually like more body hair on a woman but you're hot 💦💦

[EddieCC] Don't stress I won't leak it, can't promise I won't keep it though, boys will be boys and all that shit ;) If you want I could give you one of me so if it does get leaked you have revenge material?

Eddie took photos of himself quite often, though he never shared them with anyone, he just took them to try and boost his confidence with his scars, he knew one day his files would likely be hacked and leaked but he had already accepted it and did his best to make the photos at least make him look good.

[EddieCC] I'll even give you a choice, nude, semi-clothed seductiveness or straight up sucking my own dick 👻

He knew he was pushing his luck, but his head was in the gutter as he kept looking at the photo, something about knowing he was never meant to see it made it that much more enticing.

Sending nudes or even taking provocative pictures wasn't Saskia's forte, as sexual as she was as a person, she found taking pictures awkward as hell. She only ended up taking a picture and sending it to make her boyfriend shut the fuck up and stop asking for one while she was trying to relax.

It wasn't until she heard her phone ding and Twitter came up that she realised in her haste to get it over with, she'd sent it to Eddie... not her boyfriend.

[Saskii] Oh my god, I am so so sorry! Yes, it was meant for someone else. I'm trying to delete it but stupid Twitter won't let me

[Saskii] Wait... actually liked it?

[crawledoutofmordor]

Steve truly was the same adorable dork he'd come to feel strongly for, that was nice to confirm. "Thanks, Harrington," that name tasted like honey on his lips. He moved to tuck one leg under himself, turning his body more towards Steve as he brought a hand up to push the curl off his face. "You're probably confused, right?" There was nothing in his tone that showed the confusion bothered him, he understood it was confusing to suddenly be presented with a trans person this far into their transition out of nowhere.

"I realised pretty early that I wasn't like the other girls, because I realised I wasn't a girl, but now I get to be myself and Steve...it feels great, I'm so happy," it had been no secret within the friend group that for all Eddie, or Emily as he was known back then, was struggling with depression behind the confident façade. "If you have any questions, ask away, I figured it was best to have this conversation before you meet Steph."

Steve moves to sit beside him on the couch, listening as they spoke. Though he soon ends up finding himself blushing a little as Eddie asks him whether or not their body suits them as it is. "Well - Yeah, of course." Like an idiot, he stumbles over his words. Man, he's so out of practice with flirting that anything that would suggest it flusters him now. It makes him feel a little pathetic thinking that, but those are thoughts he's been having anyhow.

"You look great." That's a more appropriate response. Better than him stumbling over his words as he did just a few seconds ago. Awkwardly, a hand has lifted to rub at the back of his neck. Still, he's smiling a little. As shocked as he is? He still finds himself feeling enamored with them, cheeks still flush as he ends up locking eye contacting with Eddie. Why were they looking at him like that?

[crawledoutofmordor]

Eddie couldn't help himself, hot weather was a nightmare for the metalhead and his inability to keep his eyes to himself, so many shorts, skirts and bare thighs...oh God the bare thighs. He had been wandering around to kill time until he found something to do, only to end up in an alleyway with cock in hand. He had gone far enough into the alleyway that he hoped anyone who would glance down and see him would assume he was pissing on the wall, but if they got close enough they would hear him panting as he did his best to keep quiet. "I'm fucking pathetic," he mumbled to himself, feeling guilty for his actions as he pleasured himself, ashamed for having gotten so worked up over nothing, he was so engrossed in his own pleasure that he didn't hear someone walking towards him.

[crawledoutofmordor]

Explorations of mental health, trauma, disability, queerness, identity, abuse, questionable morals, self harm and more

rules || muses || opens || memes to send || wishlist

GMT, transmasc mun, he/they pronouns.

[18+ Fandomless, not selective, not mutuals only, open to all. Triggering content will be present, please inform me of any triggers or no-gos so I know to avoid them with you and tag them better.]