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[cupcakekittenzz-blog]

My Transgender Story

Mkay, I know no one may see this, but I just wanna get this out. This is just a quick trigger warning that this will be fucking awful. This story deal with abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse, and sexual harassment. No bit of this will be censored at all, so, yeah.

From the day I got into public school, I knew something was wrong with me. I dressed, and looked like a girl, but I felt like a boy. I just felt wrong when I was forced to be a girl. When I hit 3rd grade, I'd realized something was sincerely wrong with me. I knew I wasn't just a tomboy, because I didn't just feel like a girl who liked acting like a boy, I felt like an actual boy trapped in a girls' body.

The first person to find out I was transgender was my 5th grade teacher, who stopped some girls who were harrassing me for drawing myself as a male. When I told the teacher why I was drawing myself as a boy, she told me as nicely as she could, "Sweetie, biologically, you're not a boy. But if that's how you feep, that could either be who you really are, or just a phase.". So I took it as a phase.

I had gone on with my own life for 2 years, until I met my first boyfriend. We had hit it off really well, and everything seemed fine. One day, about a year later, I was watching a video of one of my biggest inspirations, Isabella Bennett. It was her MTF vlog. I started to slowly realize that how I felt was really who I was, and half a year later, I was open enough to tell my boyfriend at the time I was transgender.

The moment I told him, is one fucking memory I could never forget. I remember telling him, and he instantly threatened to hit me. I started to slowly sink away from him, and our relationship started to become toxic. I found myself more terrified of him than in love with him. Everything was going horribly wrong. Everytime I tried to argue back, he'd threaten to beat me, and he constantly verbally abused me, calling me a skank just for not wanting to give my virginity to him, and once even forcefully made me suck his... yeah... needless to say, he didn't love me anymore. And the one time he did hit me, he then instantly grabbed me and told me that if I ever argued with him, he'd kill me.

I stayed with him for four fucking years, before I was finally confident to fucking leave. I had enough sexual harassment, verbal abuse, and physical abuse... I broke up with him, and at this point, I had pushed me being transgender to the back of my head. It was the one thing that not only freed me, but caged me. I didn't want that, or my relationship with that ex to define me anymore. I was done with it all.

About another 2 or 3 years pass tp bring us to this year, when I finally met my current boyfriend. I was scared at first to have a relationship again, but my current boyfriend's love is just so fucking strong that it basically shocked me out of my fears, to give my the confidence to finally ask him out, which surprised him, but he still said yes. A few days ago, I told him I'm a transgender, and he was so open about it, and so accepting of it. I ended up crying for nearly 15 minutes, because I was scared he would get mad at me, even though I knew he's nothing like my past boyfriend. No, my current bf loves me for me, and doesn't care what, or who I am.

Now, I'm telling my story for people to realize that not everything goes wrong. Things can, and will get better. And, I'm not telling this story for people to give me pity. Stop that. It's fucking gross. I just want to coexist in this world.