dantomasik

[dantomasik]

What Makes the BTAS Joker Different (Better?) Than Other Versions

Definitely not the first one to take a crack at this, but had a little revelation this morning that cracked what makes the Joker we know from Batman: The Animated Series (also Justice League, Justice League: Unlimited, and Batman Beyond) different from other versions of the Joker. Furthermore, I think this might be what makes him so many people's favorite version of the Joker, because I don't know any other versions that do this with him.

The Joker can't take a joke.

We all saw in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker that Terry tore the clown apart when he started laughing at him, but it goes further than that. In the original animated series, we had episodes where the Joker, on the receiving end of a joke, not only can't play along, but often gets unequivocably furious. One episode featured a nervous, anxiety-ridden guy named Charlie who accidentally rear-ends the Joker, and ends up being coerced into helping with his next crime. The episode ends with Charlie threatening to blow both himself AND the Joker up, letting his legacy be death to a nobody. Joker fully panics and runs to Batman for help, only for Charlie to reveal it was a prank. Batman laughs, the Joker gets grumbly like someone's pissy grandpa at a progressive comedy show. In a crossover episode with Static Shock, after being defeated by the duo, the Joker plays possum and pulls out his Ol' Joy Buzzer gag, thinking he's gotten the Dark Knight for one last prank. Then comes the priceless moment when he realizes he's holding Static's electrified hand, who responds, "That was fun. Let me try!" That is one of the few times we've seen the Joker in a cold sweat as he gets a taste of his own medicine. That expression fully conveys a person discovering their joke isn't as funny as they thought.

However, probably the biggest red flag for this behavior comes to us in the form of Harley Quinn. Harley is devoted to the Joker, always happy to play along with his pranks & schemes, but when she tries going off-script, he never laughs. When Harley tries doing schemes of her own, or when she helps fix one of the Joker's schemes, that is when we see the ugly side of him. That is when we see the Joker not as some gifted comedic performer, but as a controlling & extremely insecure @$$hole who not only has to get the last laugh, but the only laughs. The Joker sees Harley not as his co-star, she is his supporting act. Like an egotistical diva, Joker always has to be the center of attention, his jokes have to be the ones that land, and he loses his sh*t when other people step in his spotlight.

The fact that this aspect of the character only seems to appear in the animated series might have something to do with the fact the show was aimed for kids. In most of the comics and live action films (and even a large portion of grown-up animated films), the Joker always has to be more serious, more sociopathic, more disturbing and deranged. He has to feel like a real threat, a real murdering killer, not just a prankster with a twisted sense of humor. The stakes always have to feel important, and thus resolving them with a laugh feels inappropriate. Furthermore, Batman usually also has to be considerably more serious, much less likely to crack jokes, and almost certainly never settling for defeating the Joker by playing his own game. The Joker always laughs because it always leaves an opening for a surprising return or one last prank later on down the line. He's always gotta be a madman in control. Even when he dies, he usually dies laughing, or at the very least smiling, because that's how he wins. He takes all of the consequences for his mayhem with a toothy grin like he's laughing at a joke only he gets.

That's why his death in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker felt so final (even as we'd already seen him back in action). Regardless of version, the Joker didn't die with a smile or a laugh. He was caught off-guard, and in keeping with his established character, once things went off-script he couldn't improvise a funny line to save his life. His last words were simply: "That's not funny. That's not…." It's also why Terry's climactic takedown of him is so iconic. He finally realizes what no one else never took advantage of; the Joker can dish it out, but he can't take it. There's a meme that went around the web about how the Joker could never beat Spiderman because he'd do exactly what Terry did to him. Still, it took me this long to realize that the heart of that confrontation was never about Terry belittling the Joker for not understanding that Bruce just doesn't have a sense of humor. Terry figured out that, like many egomaniacs, the Joker was hiding a ridiculous amount of insecurity behind smiles, laughs, and stupid pranks. When you're the only comedy villain act in town, it gives this sense of standing atop the mountain, even if it's only in your head. The moment someone calls you out for standing on top of a cardboard mountain, you're nothing. The Joker may call himself the "Clown Prince of Crime", but he would never acknowledge a "Clown King of Crime", or even a "Clown Squire of Crime". As much as the Joker tells everyone they should laugh more, what he really means is they should laugh when he wants them to, and only then.

Adding that aspect to the character makes him stand out among all the various versions & iterations that have been made. Others have tried upping the gore factor, shocking us with more disturbing acts of violence, or cranking up the trauma factor of his deeds to 11. But none of those really make us feel like we know the Joker better. If anything, they just make him more alien. He stops being a character and just becomes a plot device for inflicting maximum psychological damage. Showing us hints at the insecurity inside make him so much more interesting, because we finally get to see what it looks like when someone gets under his skin.

And truthfully, what could be a better twist for a comedy villain than being unable to laugh at themselves?

[dantomasik]

Enishi vs Kenshin's Foes

The Final Arc of Rurouni Kenshin introduced us to a villain who seemingly did the impossible, defeating Kenshin. Yukishiro Enishi bested the greatest swordsman in the world, and he did so handily. His swordsmanship style seemed capable of perfectly countering Kenshin's every move, including his Ultimate Technique. Here's the thing. This does not make Enishi the greatest swordsman in the world. Enishi is so hyperfixated on revenge against Kenshin that it consumes his every waking thought, reflected in his sword style, Watojutsu, a self-taught Chinese style that is exclusively offensive/aggressive, with, as Enishi himself states, no defense because Kenshin took away the only thing he ever wished to defend.

This is the difference between his style and Kenshin's. Kenshin's Hiten Mitsurugi is built around pitting one against many, thus it specializes in groups. Enishi's Watojutsu is solely focused on obliterating one opponent, with that opponent specifically being Kenshin and Hiten Mitsurugi. This means it is considerably less effective against other styles and other opponents. So, I thought it would be fun to do a little mental exercise and pit Enishi against the various foes Kenshin has faced or who could pose a potentially deadly threat to him.

First off, let's do a quick summary of Enishi as a swordsman.

It's safe to call him a "master swordsman", meaning anyone less than another master swordsman doesn't have a chance against him. Thus, even his worst skills still have some merit. His offense is insane. Considering it's what he puts everything into, it's safe to call it his highest stat. His defense, meanwhile, would be his lowest stat. He frequently covers up for this by relying on his offense to counter and overpower any move that comes his way, but this doesn't work against being countered himself. His speed is also top tier, although (with one notable exception) most master swordsmen have relatively similar top speeds. He has a remarkable catalog of techniques for every possible move that could be used against him, and supplements many of them with kicks that add in that extra OOMPH. He also has what we can basically consider "mind over body", meaning his body won't register pain or injuries unless he wants it to. This grants him superb endurance, but against opponents who strike to kill, that only helps so much. Lastly, he has an ace in the hole in the form of his Frenzied Nerves that can render him nigh-unstoppable. How much he can utilize them is unclear, as they seem specifically linked towards his hatred of Kenshin.

Udo Jine

The earliest foe we could consider truly deadly, Jine fought for the Shinsengumi during Bakumatsu, killing many people, including quite a few people he wasn't supposed to kill, prompting his commanding officer to discipline him. Well, attempt to discipline him, Jine killed them too, then disappeared, resurfacing on the side of the Revolutionists. After the end of Bakumatsu, Jine would continue his massive killing spree into Meiji, sending letters declaring his intentions to prominent political figures. These targets would use their positions to hire guards & security, which Jine would happily slaughter. His fight with Kenshin is all about bringing out the manslayer he once was during Bakumatsu, the manslayer even Jine feared. With 10 years of killing under his belt, Jine's skills have remained as sharp as they were during Bakumatsu when legends were made on the edge of a sword.

Jine's style seems focused on killing a lot of people, mostly small-time thugs and police officers. This does not mean he cannot keep up with or even surpass Kenshin's level of skill. Jine spent most of their duels trying to make Kenshin fight harder, more like the killer he once was. He bragged he could kill Kenshin as he currently was in a matter of 1-3 cigarettes time. His Ultimate Technique allowed him to paralyze opponents or, alternatively, psych himself up into a nigh-invincible warrior. He is also a crazed psychopath who can shrug off most wounds, fears nothing, and experiences pure ecstasy while killing people. Without doubt a master killing machine.

Result: Maybe

This one is close enough that I feel like it could go either way. Enishi definitely has the willpower to shrug off Jine's Paralysis (hell, Sano did). In terms of fighting him, Enishi excels in countering attacks with stronger attacks. Jine's style is also purely offensive, but has the flexibility that Enishi lacks. We watch him turn a disruption instantly into a surprise attack on Kenshin, which would be utterly devastating against Watojutsu. As far as his Shin no Ippo power-up, I'd be curious to see it go up against Enishi's Frenzied Nerves, but have a feeling Enishi would win. Even powered-up, Jine lost to Kenshin's pre-Ultimate Technique battojutsu, meaning Enishi, who dodged the actual Ultimate Technique without his Frenzied Nerves, would absolutely be faster. Stronger, that's a different story, and we don't really know how much stronger Jine's power-up makes him, as he is defeated before it can land a blow. We did watch him casually turn a rock into rubble, though, so that's pretty scary.

Jine's ability to counter disruptive moves is ideal for taking advantage of Enishi's weakness, and since neither one cares who the other is, both will just try to kill each other until one dies. Both are durable as a result of having f***ed up brains that don't care about pain, both are quick, and both have powerful offense.

Shinomori Aoshi

Next up we have the leader of the Oniwabanshu, Shinomori Aoshi. This is a very different matchup from Jine. Aoshi has been fighting since he was a child, taking down other spies at 13 and leading the Oniwabanshu by age 15. He definitely qualifies as "gifted". Aoshi has proven himself one of Kenshin's strongest rivals, and has come unnervingly close to killing Kenshin multiple times.

Aoshi's skills are as deadly as they get. His single kodachi grants him an almost impenetrable defense, allowing him to then rain down martial arts blows on opponents. Coupled with fluid movements that are impossible to track, his opponents are left waiting for him to strike. As for his offense, he utilizes surprisingly few offensive sword techniques, but when he goes in for the kill, you die. Adding in his second kodachi only makes him deadlier. One factor that cannot be overlooked, Aoshi may not have superhuman durability, but that is because he is so rarely hit he doesn't need it.

Result: Loss

Enishi will lose to Aoshi. Enishi's insane offense can bash away at Aoshi's insane defense all day and never get a blow in. Enishi's greatest skill is in countering techniques with stronger techniques, but this works best against opponents with a wide catalog of offensive moves, rather than a single one designed for guaranteed fatality. His kicks can add a lot of damage, but Aoshi can dodge effortlessly. Plus, against an actual martial arts master like Aoshi, he'll get schooled like a kid in sparring class. Furthermore, when Aoshi moves in for the kill with either of his offensive techniques, Enishi's Ultimate Technique may get lucky against Kaiten Kenbu, but not against Kaiten Kenbu Rokuren. Enishi will be chopped into mincemeat. His Frenzied Nerves may help, but Aoshi's style is built around defense & evasion, using only a single deadly offensive technique (with variants depending on the number of swords used) that can turn a group of men into a pile of limbs in less than a second.

Saito Hajime

Former Captain of the 3rd Shinsengumi Unit, Saito Hajime is another strong contender for the title of Kenshin's greatest rival. They've been enemies since Bakumatsu, and their first fight in Meiji is truly terrifying to watch. They simply do not make swordsmen like Saito Hajime anymore. According to him, the skills that have allowed him to survive countless wars & conflicts are no longer even known in the present day. He has lived through more bloodshed than even other master swordsmen will see in their entire lives, and has superb endurance that comes not from any special technique, but from his sheer, unrelenting desire to bring Swift Death to Evil.

As for his technique, the way of the Shinsengumi was to hone a single attack to the realm of perfection, the methodology being that it is exceedingly rare to face the same opponent multiple times in life or death battles. If you have one move guaranteed to kill your opponent, why would you need any others? Saito's Gatotsu is the most powerful thrusting attack a swordsman can face. Can't be blocked or countered, it turns into a slash & kick if dodged, and it has monstrous destructive power. The only thing scarier than facing it, is facing it again after it's carved into you.

Result: Loss

Enishi simply has no chance against the Gatotsu. Powerful as his techniques are, none of them has destructive power comparable to it. And if Enishi cannot counter a move with something stronger, he dies. This is a short analysis because that's really all there is to fighting Saito. You either have a defense that can weaken the Gatotsu, or you lose. There is no counter against it, and Enishi would never come up with the defensive strategies that have allowed Saito's opponents to survive as long as they did.

I like to think this is why Enishi surrendered to Saito in the live action movie after kicking the sh*t out of all the police officers on the train. Once Saito takes his sword stance, Enishi either surrenders or he dies.

Usui, the Blind Sword

Kenshin never fought Usui, but Saito did, and that's good enough for me. Usui fought during Bakumatsu as an anti-Hitokiri, basically killing the killers. He had his eyes carved out by Shishio Makoto, but developed hyper-sensitive hearing and eventually became one of the deadliest members of Shishio's Ten Swords, with the understanding that he can attempt to kill people (and Shishio) as much as he desires.

Usui has two fighting styles, one utilizing his spear/mace and another combining a shortened spear and turtle shield. His defense & senses are powerful enough to disrupt the Gatotsu, allowing him to weaken his foes until he goes in for a killing stab. What his style lacks in power, it makes up in defense and calculated bloodletting.

Result: Win

Maybe it's just how quickly Usui melted under Saito's cruel words, but I'm fairly confident Enishi could destroy him. With his offense, especially punctuated by his kicks, he could most likely break down Usui's defense, which worked best against a single big technique like Saito's, not a variety like Enishi's arsenal. Add in that Usui's offense is mostly for weakening foes (a strategy that won't work on Enishi's mind over body), and he is simply a poor matchup for our angry white-haired friend.

Seta Sojiro

Remember when I mentioned there was one notable exception to master swordsmen having relatively similar top speeds? That exception would be Sojiro. With his style of "speed that does not appear in sight" he is without question the fastest swordsman in the entire series (even faster than Kenshin). His permanent smiling face offers no emotions to read, making his movements almost impossible to anticipate, and his skill with the sword can be considered equal to Kenshin's, which is terrifying. This teenage boy is a killing machine. His Ultimate Technique is called "You Die Instantly" (I'm paraphrasing, but only barely) and lives up to that threat.

Result: Loss

When you can't even follow your opponent's movements, that's when you die. Enishi might do well enough as Sojiro warms up, but once he reaches top speed Enishi will drop like a pile of limbs. Frenzied Nerves or not. You cannot counter what you cannot see, and if you can't defend yourself you just get cut to ribbons. That's all there is.

Fuji

The 30ft+ tall kaiju-esque swordsman Fuji fought Kenshin's master and lived. Fuji can destroy buildings with a single swing, and his destructive power & speed only increases once he takes off his armor. You basically need to be a God or a Battleship to fight Fuji.

Result: Win

Here's the thing, Enishi is fast enough to dodge Fuji. Even if Enishi had a defense it wouldn't work against Fuji's power, but with enough time and successful hits Enishi could wear the titan down. Will definitely take some damage from the sheer collateral of Fuji's swings, but that's what mind over body is for. Fuji might be the only master swordsman with a worse defense than Enishi, mostly because he so rarely fights anyone who doesn't sh*t their pants immediately upon seeing him.

Shishio Makoto

The assassin who succeeded Kenshin during Bakumatsu, Shishio Makoto didn't do it for morals, he did it to showcase his strength. After the revolution, he was knocked out by a blow to the head from his allies, then doused in gasoline and set on fire to make sure he stayed down. And then he didn't. That should give you a pretty good idea of how durable and driven Shishio Makoto is. His fight with Kenshin later includes both Saito & Aoshi (and Sano, briefly), and he is quite decisively kicking all of their asses on his own. Even after taking what was effectively a grenade to the face, even after going well passed the limit his body can tolerate, even after receiving Kenshin's Ultimate Ultimate Attack, Shishio kept getting up to continue fighting. He only stopped after his flesh literally ignited via spontaneous human combustion, reducing him to ashes.

Shishio is one of the most powerful swordsmen ever to live. His sword catches fire, his gauntlets explode, he can catch a sword with his fingertips if it's a technique he's seen before, he can out-react a point-blank Gatotsu, block Kenshin's Ultimate Technique, knock out Sano in a single punch, and take more punishment than anyone with 3rd degree burns all over their body should be capable of sustaining for an extended period of time. His sheer strength is only outclassed by Fuji, and that's only because Fuji is over 30 goddamn feet tall.

Result: Loss

Enishi is about to get a very rude awakening as to what a true devil is like. Enishi, for all of his strength & offensive prowess, still cannot hold a candle to Shishio. Even if his mind over body helps mitigate the nasty combination of burning & slashing wounds Shishio's sword inflicts, he will never overpower Shishio and never counter him. Furthermore, as Shishio proves capable of catching Kenshin's sword mid-attack when he attempts to use a technique Shishio has already seen, so too can any of Enishi's moves be countered. Enishi has no defense against gauntlet grenades, and even his Ultimate Technique won't work against Shishio's because crouching low to the ground won't prevent him getting incinerated by the downward slash. Even if Enishi could get in some blows against Shishio, his obscene amount of endurance will render it moot.

[dantomasik]

End of Hurt Me Season

The problem with using emulators is that they can, on occasion, crash and delete everything you’ve saved so far.

Guess what happened to all my Backyard Baseball progress?

Yep. Gone.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

Game Six

We got off to a rough start. Thankfully, Billy Jean is back to her usual poor stats, as opposed to her utter garbage stats the last couple games. Yay? At least she can catch and somewhat move again. Stephanie got her batting maxed out at the cost of some fielding and running, which isn’t great because she’s not fast to begin with and her swing is more contact than power.

Return of the Yankees and Omar Stefano, the kid who only throws Right Hooks. They took a 2-0 lead after Kimmy, who is supposed to be a solid fielder, flubbed a fly ball and let two runners score. A fair amount of the team got on base, but only one made it home before the third out of each inning. That changed with the 4th, however, when Ronny managed to come back from a Strikeout and smack an Elevator pitch. Runner on second got thrown out, but Ronny made it to first, which gave us a power-up! And what better to get but Aluminum Power? I gave it to Billy Jean because we already had a runner on and two outs, and technically she’s good at contact (if nothing else).

So, let’s cross Billy Jean off the list of kids I’ve gotten to hear Home Run music for. Hearing the whole thing, it sounds like something straight out of a musical saloon, complete with accordion.

“How about that? I’m pretty and talented.”

Lisa laced one to the outfield and managed a single, so I gave the second Aluminum to Stephanie Morgan because, again, contact. Cross her off the list, too. Her music is already very MLB-inspired, but hearing the whole piece was honestly a little odd. Dunno why, just not what I expected, I guess? It’s weird to explain.

“Look out Majors, here comes Steph!”

And we got a third chance. But I was nervous about pushing my luck, especially for a single run, so I gave Ricky the Crazy Bunt to get on base so Kenny could knock them both home. Except Ricky missed 3 straight pitches with the Crazy Bunt, struck out, and it was gone. I’m sad, but also glad we didn’t try the Aluminum Power. Tried it with Kenny to get his batting average up, but only if I knew the pitch was a hittable strike. Which the second pitch was. Never heard Kenny’s full theme before, it has one hell of a nice guitar solo!

“Nice one! I got a homer!” (I’m probably paraphrasing, I got distracted by the guitar work)

We won 6-3.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

Game Five

First loss, but honestly, still a good game. Amir struck out 8 players in his first 3 innings, acquiring so many power-ups that he couldn’t use them up quick enough for More Juice. Brought Kenny in to throw 4 more strikeouts, which is 1 shy of my record for most strikeouts in a single game (which was my first game of BB2001 in 15 years, as it happens). We had a double no-hitter for the first 4 innings until a couple of my kids got on base.

Ricky Johnson got his day! Sort of. He got a full batting stat boost, full running, and almost full fielding as well. I’d be more upset he didn’t get any hits if it weren’t for the fact that seeing him hit the ball hard enough that it got to the outfield made me feel warm & fuzzy inside. Kid has been a trooper and this was his reward. One of the nice things about playing with poor stats players is that when they get bad stats, you almost don’t notice because you don’t expect much anyway. When they get good stats, they go a long way. Kimmy got her full stat boost as well, which is a decent boost to hitting, some actual running, and some great fielding. Billy Jean, however, has her same negative boost which basically makes her a guaranteed out.

I still think we could have won if it weren’t for the fact one player got a home run off a Corkscrew 3rd strike in the bottom left corner that sailed right over Maria’s glove. What can you do against that kind of out of nowhere nonsense? This was the only hit the Red Sox got the entire game. So, yeah, we lost, but still a good game.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

Game Four

RICKY JOHNSON HIT A FIREBALL. I’ve never done that with any player before. Closest I ever got was fouling one with Larry Walker. But Ricky Johnson, the kid with the worst batting on this entire team, hit a grounder off a Fireball and beat the ball to first! Which is why it hurt when Stephanie Morgan got a whiff and a foul with the Under-Grounder it earned. A few innings later, Kenny made contact with a Fireball as well, but couldn’t beat the ball to first. It still astounds me that I’ve hit not one but two on Hard difficulty with poor batters and no pitch indicators of any sort. This is without doubt one of the greatest accomplishments of my gaming career.

Had to say that first. We’re finally at Eckman Acres for the next three games. Kimmy’s stat boost is....disappointing. A little extra hitting, some pitching, some fielding, but no extra speed which she really needs. Billy Jean, meanwhile, has taken a hit to her running & fielding, neither of which are great to begin with. In addition, I have some grievances with how the game does Kenny’s fielding. Yes, he has a low stat in it, but given he’s a capable pitcher, shouldn’t that mean he’s bad at catching but good at throwing? So far he’s just been terrible at throwing. This is going to be a frustrating season.

Both teams struggled to get on base, and even when Maria Luna got on base, Pablo Sanchez displayed some previously unknown skill at holding her from any extra bases. Where was this when I tried him as catcher? Bottom of the 6th, Maria got a double, Ricky Johnson got enough of a hit to safely make it to first after goading the other team into holding off Maria from third. Which ended up being the game, because they overthrew the ball and it went out of play, granting Ricky a double and bringing Maria home.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

Game Three

Seriously, when are we gonna play at Eckman Acres? 3 games, and while Kimmy hasn’t played badly (well, not as badly as I expected), I’m really looking forward to seeing her with a boost. Speaking of boosts, Ricky Johnson got a light dose of fielding and pitching, as well as enough batting to actually hit an inside the park home run at Steele Stadium. Mostly because as good as this infield is, their outfield is honestly embarrassing. Stephanie Morgan got maxed out in both hitting & running, which made her first two at-bats frustrating when Derek Jeter threw her out at first and then the pitcher somehow snuck three right hooks by her. Maria Luna started us off with a home run, which is always a highlight of my day (”I’m pretty, and ath-letic”). Stephanie ended up with just one single and stole her way to second, but never made it home.

Omar Stefano seems to have only one pitch, a right hook in the top of the strike zone. 85%-90% of every pitch he’s throw has been that, with a few slowballs to change it up(?). That said, even knowing what to expect, it is hard to figure out what’s too high with these hooks. Pitches I feel like are way high end up as strikes. Ronny got struck out twice and cried that he didn’t want to play anymore both times. That always makes me feel really bad and I just wanna give the kid a hug and tell him he’s doing great.

We won, but it’s never by a large margin and getting any of these kids home is a struggle. A few lucky hits by the opposing team or a home run are serious problems. One of their players knocked one to the right field fence that Ricky couldn’t quite get a handle on. By the time we got it in, they were at third. Tried to goad them into reaching for home....and they succeeded when Kenny threw the ball a whopping 2.5 feet away from second and then had to go retrieve it to throw again. I need to learn not to do that. That is how I lose games.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

Game Two

I thought Sandy Flats was rough. Tin Can Alley proved equally difficult. No speed detriments this time, but the thing with these fields that have a chunk taken out of center field is that it seems to make all the fielders closer together. Which makes getting anything passed them much harder.

Billy Jean Blackwood got a major boost to her stats, making her actually pretty effective. She hit every first pitch into the left field wall and got on base with unexpected speed. We even got an Aluminum Power Bat after pulling a double play that I gave to Ricky because sometimes the game glitches if you hit the ball high enough and gives you a home run and I really wanted to hear what Ricky would say after a home run. Ended up with just a double, followed by two strike outs. Poor kid, I wanna see him do well. He tries so hard, unlike, say, Jorge Garcia who acts like he hates every second of the game and baps the ball like he’s trying to knock it in the dirt, only to have it go flying to the outfield. Where is the justice?

This game went into extra innings, or rather, extra inning (singular). Neither team could get a run until Lisa got her first single, followed by Kenny with his first single (it was weird having Kenny with a .000 when he had the highest batting average on my Smallest Team). And then Maria Luna, who’s struck out both at-bats so far, knocked one on top of the rafters and brought Lisa home.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

Game One

I said this season was going to be hard, right? Well, it started harder than even I expected. First game we played the Orioles with Cal Ripken Jr. and Pablo Sanchez at Sandy Flats, the absolute worst field in the game.

Now, my kids can’t hit great at the best of times for the most part, and quite a few of them aren’t good runners either. But on the sand, where every ball bounces once and stops and even the fastest kids have their running halved? It was a rough game for a while.

I surprised myself with how much contact I made despite judging every pitch without hints, but even the faster players couldn’t beat the ball to first. The ones who did were, somewhat surprisingly, Stephanie Morgan and Amir Khan, neither of whom are known for their speed but managed to beat the throw (or more than once the first baseman dropped it).

The real miracle came when Ronnie Dobs smacked a pitch all the way to the outfield after leaving the plate crying after his first at-bat because he got struck out. The ball went far enough that he got Stephanie & himself all the way home for two runs. Ricky Johnson continued to doubt himself, but managed to get a piece of two back-to-back Elevator pitches, which both fouled, but for a kid with a 1/10 in batting, something to be damn proud of. Amir got a hit off another Elevator and got to first, which gave Kimmy Eckman a Screaming Line Drive that took her to third and Amir home. And to finish things up, Maria Luna smacked one to the outfield as well and ran herself all the way home. The other team managed only a single hit, that being a double from Cal Ripken Jr., Amir Khan threw 9 strikeouts, even putting down the Secret Weapon.

I think this is going to be a good season. Hard as hell, but good.

[dantomasik]

Backyard Baseball 2001: Hurt Me Season

After quite some effort, I finally got Backyard Baseball 2001 on & running on my laptop! 20 years since this game came out, probably 18 or so since I was playing it. So many fond memories of these kids. Watching Pete Wheeler run, the clang of aluminum power, the power duo of Ashley & Sidney Webber, every single time Pablo Sanchez’ music comes on, as well as basically learning the intricacies of the sport. I played actual baseball from ages 5-9, but there was still a lot of the game I wasn’t taught that I learned here.

One of the cool things is how well this game has aged. In a time period that’s trying to lean more & more into diversity & inclusiveness, Humongous Entertainment was already way ahead of the game back in ‘97. Half the roster of BB kids are girls, half are boys. Half are white, half are non-white. You’ve got every kind of body type, 3 dozen unique personalities (well, okay, Ashley & Sidney Webber could be considered one personality), and everyone who plays the game has different favorites.

Been working my way through the league with a variety of teams for about 3 months now. Won the Backyard World Series at least 5 times with 5 different teams. After the first one, it became less about picking the best team and more about seeing how many different teams I could create and take to the BBWS. I wanted to try out players I’d never used before and see if I could figure out how to make ‘em shine.

My first experiment was an all-girl team. They may not have hit tons of homers, but Vicki Kawaguchi stole every base I put in front of her. The one player I struggled with was Jocinda Smith, who technically has a maxed-out batting stat, but dribbled every pitch she made contact with. Luanne Lui was hitting them farther, but she can actually run, whereas Jocinda is friggin’ slow. I could have worked with it and tolerated it, if it was not for the fact that every at-bat she said "home run!”

Next team was all left-handed players, the one exception being Randy Johnson who bats right but pitches left. We had a good squad of hitters, fielders, and runners, with Shawn Green being the standout struggler not from any lack of skill or ability but solely a run of bad luck. Kid could hit & run, but he popped out more often than I think he should with Line Drive, and there were more than a few times when he was called out but should have been safe.

Following that was a pure powerhouse team built with the goal of hitting as many homers as possible. Almost 100% major leaguers, pitch indicator on, all power bats, no line drives, grounders, or bunts (unless power-up because I wasn’t denying myself that fun). I think it’s safe to say half of these players have since come forward as having used steroids. Barry Bonds at this point in his career was apparently considered better at running than power, and struggled the most on the team. We definitely had the most home runs in the league, but I think only Mark McGwire actually made it to the League Leaders with 11 home runs, which was surprising. Heck, Jose Canseco is the best home run hitter in the game, but between the number of fouls he hit and how many times he was walked he ended up with the lowest number of home runs on the team.

On a more challenging note came my Little Monsters, a team comprised of the shortest kids in the league. There’s this great article on BB that includes a photo lineup of all the kids from Tallest to Smallest. I told myself I would build a winning team from that, which meant no pros. We still had Pablo Sanchez, and Maria Luna has the best stats in the game if you give her an all-pink jersey, not to mention Luanne Lui is a beast on the pitcher’s mound. It was a tougher season, a lot of the kids struggled with fielding and almost every run the opposing team scored was because they fumbled the catch. Reese Worthington became the bane of my existence from the sheer number of extra bases he allowed. This kid is supposed to have fielding as his best stat, why does he suck at it so much?

I was feeling particularly sadistic and decided to build the best team I could, throw the challenge rating on Easy, give myself every advantage, set the league to 9 innings, and see just how high we could score. Only finished two games so far, since they take 1-2 hours as opposed to the 15-20 minutes most games take. First game we won by 81 runs to 0. The other team was switching pitchers almost every batter, they had no juice left, and you could just hear them crying for the game to be over so they didn’t have to play anymore. Pretty sure we got more batting achievements in that game than most teams get in a season. But it’s just hard to beat down on little kids that bad.

Next we have a team that just finished the regular season and is working their way through the playoffs. Built entirely out of shortstops and players with similar builds; great speed, great fielding, good to great hitting. I make a point of cycling who gets to be shortstop every game, because I know they all want it and are all good at it. That team is leading in almost every batting category except home runs & strikeouts because almost every player can turn a hit into a double at least and I’ve just been throwing the pitches down the middle and daring the other team to hit it to my team of all-star fielders.

And now, my newest team; my Hurt Me Team. This team is built out of players I’ve never used or almost never used because apparently I’m that kind of a masochist. As inclusive as the game is, there are some players who do just straight-up suck. I’m not a complete psycho, however, so I’ve given myself some hope. We’re doing all pink uniforms so Maria Luna can dominate, and we’re using Eckman Acres as a home field so Kimmy Eckman can actually play well for half the season. I know Kenny Kawaguchi is good at getting on base from my Little Kids season, and he can be a solid relief pitcher as well. Ronny Dobs has a cannon arm for fielding and a lot of power if you’re willing to believe in the kid. Stephanie Morgan isn’t technically a great player, but she can field and she does have a lot to say about the game, which is fun. Ricky Johnson has decent speed and good height, which I can work with. I have no idea what I’ll do with Billy Jean Blackwood besides stick her at first. I’ve turned off the swing spot or pitch indicator, so will have to judge what’s a strike and what isn’t as the pitch is coming at me. I wanted a challenge, so I’m getting one. Pray for us.

[dantomasik]

This is the best story I’ve read in ages.

“A house I pass on the way to work has this sculpture in its yard. Its about 8 feet tall.”

(Source)

[dantomasik]

Names.

I don’t wanna hear anyone making fun of foreign names because “they sound funny”. There are literally parents in this country who name their kid Dick.

[dantomasik]

Creatures for Potential D&D 5e Campaign

As for Big Bads, Slivers seem like a great idea! Would definitely have to spend some time working out a system for them. Sounds fun!

[dantomasik]

Creatures for Potential D&D 5e Campaign

Can’t forget sea critters, can we?

[dantomasik]

Creatures for Potential D&D 5e Campaign

There is definitely no way I am starting this group at 1st Level. They will get eaten alive.

[dantomasik]

Creatures for Potential D&D 5e Campaign

So many wonderful creations! And still more checks to hit on my list!

[dantomasik]

Creatures for Potential D&D 5e Campaign

Definitely feeling some sort of Monster Hunt adventure. Need more!