darawonplease

[darawonplease]

« trauma. » chapter 13 – jump!

The final race takes an unexpected turn.

• chapter 13 – jump!

"Welcome back to Running Ace! Today we'll have our final race. Here we will determine which Team possess the synergy, body and spirit to cross the finish line and win their most longed prizes", MC Jaesook officially opened the final day of shooting with an energetic opening line.

MC Sook looked at the contestants diligently standing at the startling line.

"Since Team Minhyuk came first at the previous race, they will have a 10-minute advantage over the other teams."

The actors immediately proceeded with the obstacle race that awaited them at the huge park where the filming was taking place.

The dizziness added to the irregular breathing quicking picking up in pace made it especially hard to mask off that distress.

"Hyung said it only took 3 glasses of beer to take her home, can you believe it? One can't be so bad at drinking, she must be pretending only to cry victim after she realizes how easy she's been".

"N-no, that's not true!...".

Those words hadn't stopped chasing Dara all night.

"So... have you slept well?", Jiwon brought her back to reality with his casual attempts at breaking the silence between them.

"Well—", She exhaled deeply, "—I... actually had a hard time falling asleep, I don't know what's up with me lately".

"What do you mean?". His tone softened unexpectedly.

"I'm just... a little nervous!".

Lies.

She lied as she always did to divert people's attention from her inner world, the issues eating her from the inside.

"Hey— hey", he gently halted her nervous banter, "It's normal to feel a bit pressured. But we're doing well. Isn't it thanks to you that we managed to finish the race in time? You're half my size and still carried me on your back all the way through. You're crazier than me".

"Oh, the president is going to scold me for that, I can already hear him going 'Sandara! Why would you ruin your image on National TV!'".

The spot-on impersonation stole an earnest chuckle from him.

"Ack! Don't mind what that old man says, he only knows to complain and criticize", he continued, "It's easy to like you. You...make it easy".

Dara beamed an earnest smile and met his earnest gaze, one she still hadn't seen on his tsundere person.

Despite believing her, Jiwon sensed there was more to that.

"By any chance...do Min and Hyuk make you uncomfortable?".

The long silence proved his hunch right. Her smile seemed to dim every time they interacted with her, her expression would stiffen whenever Min insisted to make her drink. It was easy to overlook by someone who wasn't paying attention, but he was.

"I can talk to them if they are bothering you", he continued.

"That's thoughtful of you but that's no need for you to do that, I can speak for myself too", the young woman politely turned down the sunbae's help.

Jiwon quickly reminisced about all the times her frank words pierced right through him. All the times she stood up for herself. No matter how innocent she looked, she knew when to be fierce.

"I know you can...".

"Why do you even bother then?", Dara diverted her gaze, conscious of how cold she suddenly sounded in that moment despite his genuine concern.

Taken aback, Jiwon remained silent. He always had an answer to anything, but not to her.

"ATTENTION TO ALL TEAMS! A HIDDEN SUPRISE CARD HAS BEEN FOUND".

The loud intercom resounded all around the huge park.

"Us and the production didn't expect it to be found this early in the game, but I guess this race is full of surprises... This discovery might change the trajectory of the whole competition", Sook confessed.

"What's going on?", the celebrity cellist Goeun looked at the production team at the starting line for answers.

"Min found the SWAP CARD, this forces Team Min-Hyuk to swap partners with another of the competing teams".

Team Goeun-Jongwon and EunDara gathered around the small monitor that showed them Team Min-Hyuk.

"Min, go ahead! This will decide your fate!".

The young actor approached the wheel and gave it an energetic spin. Every segment showed a name of the remaining contestants.

The wheel kept spinning, feeding the suspense until it slowed down, the arrow hovering on each contestant's name.

"And the lucky partner for Min is... Sandara Park!".

"M—me?!", the realization dawned on the singer like heavy rain. It seemed as if destiny took a liking to

her misfortune. Like a trick of fate, she was paired with the last person she wished to be with.

Her eyes wandered around lost to find a producer's or writer's comforting gaze, anyone's.

"This is nonsense", Jiwon's expression tensed. He looked at her apologetically, as if he understood her discomfort.

"Will you be okay?".

Dara only replied with a forced smile, trying to shake the news off. She was a professional after all.

She hopped on a golf cart, quickly bringing her to her new teammate while Hyuk was escorted back to meet the others at the starting line.

"Sandara sunbae!", the curly-haired actor greeted her with the brightest of smiles and yet, she felt like a rabbit in the a wolf's cave. She just didn't know if he'd attack. They were at a variety show shooting, of course, he wouldn't act or say anything uncomfortable, or at least she hoped.

It wasn't too long when the other contestants started their own race to keep up with the team in the lead.

At each mini-game, Jiwon wouldn't fail to steal glances at the teammate stolen from him.

"Are you okay?", his eyes seemed to speak for him.

They were now competing against each other, and yet, Dara rejoiced whenever Jiwon managed to win against her.

It was mesmerizing to see in real life, how energetic and witty he was. No wonder he was dubbed the Variety genius. His experience added to Hyuk's quickness made them finish the mini-games way before her and Min and Jongwon and Goeun.

"Quick Noona! Get the boat before those two get to us!".

Dara pushed the yellow inflatable boat towards the artificial lake that distanced us from Jiwon and Hyuk at the top of the race.

They quickly wore life vests and sailed from the dock, checking the other contestants in the distance.

"Noona, after our win, we could totally go out and celebrate with a drink, I know a place nearby".

She hoped he wouldn't attempt until the very end. But unfortunately, his plan was already in motion.

Rage and disappointment mixed inside her, turning her into the disillusioned person she wished to never become.

"You know what Min?", she stopped rowing, a hint on iciness in her tone as she peered right through her new show partner.

"I heard it all yesterday, at the restaurant".

"N-noona?", the actor stopped rowing too, taken aback but the teammate's sudden confession.

"It's crazy how much fun bored people have when talking badly about others".

"I'm not following what you're saying", he denied, feeling caught.

Dara wasn't one to rejoice in other people's misfortunes, but Min's friend she used to date was accused of harassment and systematically shunned by the whole industry.

"You're such a rising star Min, don't risk your career like that friend of yours", she warned him with real concern for the colleague.

"So that's how it is" — Min chuckled nervously — "That's a pity Noona, I really wished to win those shoes with you but I guess it needs to happen before I plan to, it can't be helped".

"What are you talking about?".

"Oh you see, I'm the X-man so I won't need you anymore to win at the finish line".

Dara's heart fell to her stomach.

"Now that you know everything then you won't resent me for doing this".

The deep splash turned everyone's head towards the artificial lake.

"What was that?", the staff on-site questioned.

"SANDARA FELL FROM THE BOAT! I REPEAT, SANDARA MIN FELL FROM THE BOAT!".

You could spot an orange spot in the artificial lake, and Dara signalling "ok" with a hand, calming the safety guards ready to throw themselves in the water.

A satisfied smirk crept up the actor's lips. He quickly took Dara's paddle and vigorously rowed towards the other side of the lake, leaving the woman in the middle of the water.

"You're not getting away with this!", Dara managed to shout before Min distanced himself.

"Need a ride?".

Offering a helping hand, Goeun and Jongwon picked Dara up on their boat.

"The X-man has been revealed! You see, Min found a surprise card last time. The X-man is that special contestant that has the job to betray his own teammate to win the competition, which grants him a bigger prize at the end", MC Sook announced from the loud intercom.

"So he's the Spy huh, I guess there might be some benefits by competing as a single person instead of a team", commented Goeun.

"But who in their right mind would push their partner out of a boat?", an outraged Jongwon started rowing way more aggressively to take out his anger.

"He wanted to get rid of me to go after Hyuk and Jiwon since they're in the lead".

The three of them finally got to the dock connecting to the next section of the race, where Jiwon, Min and Hyuk were already dealing with a race course and obstacles.

"Thank you again for helping me out there", Dara hugged the duo with earnest gratitude.

"Don't mention it! And may the best win!".

Jiwon was sure a variety genius but he also recognized that he couldn't boast about his physical prowess anymore, slowing his team down and letting the others catch up to them.

"See you at the finish line", Min smirked as he got past them.

They were now standing at the top of a structure with an inflatable mattress beneath it to catch them from the fall. Hyuk jumped, quickly followed by Jiwon who, contrary to his younger teammate, stood up from the mattress accompanied by painful groans.

Dara was right after them, her experience in Real Man 300 sure toughened her, making her surprisingly more proficient at those obstacle courses. Yet the distance between her and the mattress below froze her body in place.

Jiwon turned around, sensing her hesitation.

"Dara! You got this, okay?".

"It looks... so tall", she shouted.

'll catch you, okay? On the count of three—".

"Okay, I'll just jump".

"What? Wait!".

The stability of the ground under her disappeared as she soared into the blue of that warm day.

Dara landed right in Jiwon's arms, knocking him down to the blue mattress.

Her mortified eyes found their way to his. Tingles spread right through her fingers, resting on Jiwon's chest. She melted in the splash of brown that were his worried eyes.

'are you okay?', he whispered

The intensity of their gazes made everyone feel like third-wheeling.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry", Dara immediately stood up from the close encounter.

"Don't be".

Dara just couldn't believe how cool and collected Jiwon was in the face of such episodes, ignoring his ears turning red as a tomato.

Hyuk sighed at the whole scene displaying in front of his eyes.

"Jiwon Hyung come on! We still have to get to Min!".

"Coming!", Jiwon fixed his now wrinkled tee and jogged to his teammate, not before beaming a soft smile to Dara.

The curly-haired actor was stalling at the next section which required the contestants to answer to random questions before being allowed to the last section of the race.

"Come on Min, just tell us "Hello" in another language", MC Jaesok encouraged him.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Hello, Konnichiwa, Ni hao...". He kept repeating those greetings, short of the last one to proceed.

Jiwon, Hyuk and Dara shortly caught up to him.

"Annyeonghaseyo, Hello, Konnichiwa, Ni hao and MABUHAY!" Dara quickly replied, resorting to her knowledge in tagalog.

Sechskies' leader couldn't help but smile, for how nervous she was about the show, she sure was doing great.

"What's the longest river in South Korea!", the MC proceeded with another question.

"Easy— That's Nakdong River!", Hyuk replied swiftly.

"Right! But since you're a team of two, Jiwon must answer another question correctly before you can pass through. The next person to reply correctly will be right after Dara to get to the finish line!".

Jiwon exchanged a daring look with Min, now more determined than ever to win.

"Next question! What was Lee Hyori's debut song?".

"How am I supposed to reply to that?", Min whined.

"What kind of question is that? It's 10 Minutes".

Jiwon responded in a relaxed manner. After all, that was right up his alley.

"Team Jiwon-Hyuk, you're free to go!", the two of them started sprinting towards the finish line, learning a scowl from Hyuk.

Dara was now followed closely by them and Min.

"AH!".

Jiwon tumbled down on the ground, painful moans escaping his mouth.

.

a.n. I deeply apologize for my absence but I'm finally at that point of my life where I can sit down and tend to all the stories I've left off on here. I just love how supportive Jiwon has become of Dara and found deeply satisfying how she stood up for herself (despite the betrayal right after). These chapters about the Variety Show sure have been daunting because of their "action" nature but we're near a point where we can exclusively focus on Jiwon and Dara's blossoming relationship. Enjoy!

.

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✵ ch.10 – between love or delusion.

✵ ch.10 – between love or delusion.

「✵Chaerin's POV 」

What could possibly push two friends to kiss? Alcohol? Loneliness? Desperation?

... Love?

I hated how much it gave me to think, wondering and wondering in circles 'till late at night. He used to get me so mad whenever he let those women slip away for some reason, what had changed?

My return to Korea was for my career only. Romance or silly escapades weren't part of my plans. I just couldn't afford it. I couldn't betray myself again. Not with a friend.

I stopped my fingers from tapping on the glass surface, realising how impatient I grew.

Resting my head on the cold dining table, I impatiently waited for Ian to get out of the shower.

"I might've scattered a bit of sand on your floors", he slicked back his wet hair with his fingers as he entered the living room where I was slowly losing myself in thought.

"Gosh—it's so late already", my glance fell onto the clock hanging above his head.

"Shit, you're right. I should head home".

Christian quickly collected all of his stuff and clumsily put on the pair of boots scattered at the entrance.

"It seems like you're dying to get out of here", I mocked him.

"I should let you rest. I think I've bothered you enough for today".

I caught myself staring a bit too long at the dimples appearing on his flushed cheeks as he chuckled lightly.

"Well, see you around I guess".

Closing the door, I thought I locked my doubts inside the house with me.

"Dummy". I caught a glimpse of his old leather jacket still hung up on the rack by the entrance. Perhaps I was still in time to stop the clumsy guy.

I quickly unlocked the door and shouted after him.

"IAN!".

Clueless, he hurried back to my doorstep.

"What's up?", he rested his hand at the top of the door frame, leaning in onto me.

"Jacket", I playfully wiggled the forgotten item in his face.

He hid against his arm in embarrassment, "Shit— that's mine, isn't it?".

"I fear it is".

We exchanged those lingering looks again, like a dangerous game of chess.

"Please don't", I internally pleaded, knowing well I couldn't stay too long on the verge of doing something I might've regretted the next morning.

"Well...I'll get going— again", he diverted his eyes, breaking off that painful tension.

That scene had played numerous times before. Saying our goodbyes at my door after watching another movie from his endless list of "must watch" or a quick lunch, it was so familiar and yet, that time was different.

I kind of wished it was different.

"The other night...what happened on the balcony..."— I bit my tongue — "Tell me it wasn't the alcohol".

He held his breath for a second.

"You know what? Just forget it"— All confidence left me as soon as I lost his eyes to the ground.

But then his warmth suddenly engulfed me as he grabbed me by my waist, bringing me closer.

Between love and delusion, I couldn't sort it out for the life of me.

He leaned in slowly, perhaps trying to read into my eyes but I honestly couldn't care less if that was a mistake on our end. All the pestering thoughts in my head vanished as his warm lips melted into mine. I could still taste the salt of the sea on him.

How could a simple kiss make someone feel so elated? How could I rob myself of his lips for all this time? I felt dumb for missing all those chances.

Ian looked through me as If he realized how much of a sucker I became for his dark eyes.

"It wasn't".

Sometimes I regret ever asking you that question. If I hadn't, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess.

.

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✵ ch. 9 - healing water.

「 ☽ Ian's POV」

Everything had fallen into a rare silence but I couldn't yet sort through my thoughts.

Tired of staring at the wooden boards under my bed all night, I hopped on the motorcycle. With no compass, I aimlessly cruised under the flashing traffic lights, or so I thought.

I lost track of time, but the wet sidewalks glistening at the intermitting yellow of the traffic street lights were enough to know it was pretty deep into the night. The city was asleep.

.

I suddenly found myself amid her neighbourhood, as if my mind unconsciously brought me to Chaerin.

I couldn't help but look at her building as I rode by; the window of her living room stood out from the rest, lit by warm light despite the late hour, prompting me to stop.

.

It took just a couple of rings for her to pick up.

"Still up?".

"Ian?...".

"Look out of your window".

.

She rushed out to the balcony, clutching a colourful cardigan resting on her round shoulders and looked for me in the barely lit street under the building.

.

"What are you doing here? It's like 4AM".

"I guess I'm not the only one who can't sleep".

"It's just-...". Chae leaned onto the railway, a long and frustrated sigh leaving her as she couldn't come up with a justification.

"Just get your ass down here", I chuckled, looking up at her figure on the balcony.

.

✵

.

"You're insane," Chaerin said, grabbing the black helmet I threw her way and wearing it despite her tone of disapproval.

Seoul's grey skyscrapers passed us by, gradually morphing into empty fields, then rural villages by the road.

A comforting silence wrapped us all the way to the secret spot.

.

✵✵✵

.

Waves crashed sweetly on the golden foreshore, greeting us to the fragment of beach I held so dear.

"Well, this my secret spot, Miss Lee".

She took in the mesmerising pool of colours of the dawn with her dark eyes.

.

I didn't think I'd melt easily like that, but then I saw her taking the sneakers off, swirling on a serotonin rush and all of my beliefs instantly collapsed. The sweet view made a smile naturally creep up my lips.

.

"You're the first person I've ever brought here", I admitted.

"No way! How did you find it? It's just... breathtaking", she sat next to me, the wet fabric of the flowy sweatpants clinging to her skin.

"Well, me and my b-boy friends once sneaked out to get to the beach and... I lost myself. But I found this. So yeah, it was surely worth the half of an hour of panicking and running around in circles".

.

Chae chuckled at my juvenile misadventures before standing up.

"Come on up!".

I was left confused as to how such a small woman could drag a man double her size so easily towards the sea. Salt water splashed around as we played on the shore like kids. No worries, no thoughts in mind.

.

Sometimes I wonder if you reminisce about those times too,

when we still hadn't risked it all.

.

.

a.n. please don't mind the logistics of travelling from Seoul to the nearest beach by motorcycle, I just painted this poetic picture In my mind and wouldn't mind correcting It for the sake of realism so I Invoke your suspension of disbelief.

It only felt right to give them another "Intimate" moment to prove how close they are In this story. 

The song I found myself listening to while writing this Is “Stay Ready (What a life)” Jhenè Aiko

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✵ ch. 8 – a lot of shit happens after the kiss.

「 ☾ Ian's? POV」

"It's been ages since I've come to Scott's".

"I still haven't forgiven you for not coming to the barbeque party, Ian", Dabin rolled his eyes.

"Well— I'm here now".

.

Music boomed throughout the stairwell which we were slowly climbing, weighed down by the pastry trays we agreed to bring.

I could already hear the birthday boy's voice; the party had already started without us.

"You owe me a big one, I had to beg Scott to invite her", Dabin confessed before ringing the bell.

.

The key loudly turned into the lock, only a few instants separating us from the ongoing party.

"Y'all are super late guys, thank goodness I managed to convince Scott not to open any other bottle without you two!". The girl from the pub welcomed us at the main entrance, squaring me up with a playful grin on her lips.

"Here you are!" — Scott welcomed us with a brotherly hug — "Right! Let me introduce you to Stephany, she's the costume designer of Team Mino. You two worked on the same music video, remember?".

Bits and pieces finally came to mind, no wonder Dabin seemed to find her familiar that time at the pub that night.

"This piece of work right here is our Creative Director at DPR, he's Christian".

She really couldn't seem to hide that knowing look on her face.

"Nice to meet you, Ian".

"Thank you later," Dabin whispered as he passed me to greet the other side of the room.

.

The unfamiliar faces inevitably pushed me to escape elsewhere, anywhere. That's how I found myself hanging around the deserted terrace.

.

"Harin, I'll be okay. I promise. Love you too".

The call ended. A long and defeated sigh left the person on the receiving end.

.

I quietly made my way beside her but not before wondering if what I had just witnessed was a cruel machination of my mind.

"CHRISTIAN!".

She called out my name, her voice mixed with surprise and disbelief.

"Why are you looking at me like that?", I whined, feeling scrutinised.

"I haven't seen your stupid face in months, why are you being so annoying?

Idiot", Chaerin chuckled just like she did in Greece.

It felt like nothing ever changed between us, no matter how long we spent afar from each other.

.

I leaned further on the railing, taking in that spring breeze.

"What brings you out here Miss Lee? The party is inside".

"The view from Scott's room is gorgeous, I'm so envious".

She reprised the deep contemplation with nostalgic eyes; living in a foreign city for so long probably made that regular Seoul cityscape feel so special.

"You let your hair grow as you promised I see".

"I've come to like it". I uselessly blew the rebellious lock standing between me and my vision.

She tilted her head, slowly bringing her hand towards the source of my annoyance, tucking it behind my ear.

"It does suit you!", Chaerin hit me with another smile, making me feel weak in the knees.

She then took her phone out and proudly gave me orders with her ringing voice, "Pose for me Ian".

"A bit commanding today huh? Well, as you wish m'am".

I started to sport all of my worst poses and whackiest expressions, trying my all to get a laugh out of her.

"Ugh, not like this! I forgot how annoying you were". She kept taking pictures despite my poor collaboration but the phone kept trembling between her hands.

"Here, take it", I quickly removed my jacket and rested it on her exposed shoulders without meeting any protest on her part.

"Oh— it's the jacket from Santorini", she noticed.

I chuckled at the coincidence.

I then closed my eyes. The traffic noise slowly morphed into the crashing of waves against the shore, the biting cold into the chilly breeze of that evening by the sea. It seemed like the universe made us resume that summer night that got cut short.

"Perfect". She proudly showed me the picture: my black silhouette cut by the moonlight shining upon the terrace.

.

Silence slowly crept in.

"How come this is the first time we talk to each other in 9 months?".

Chae's attention turned towards the cars passing by in the distance as if she couldn't dare look at my reaction. If she did, swallowing my guilt would've been harder than it already was.

"We are busy people".

I despised how quickly I learned to disregard the feelings of the people around me.

"It felt lonely in LA"— she admitted —"Harin and my friends were there but really... I guess I just missed you".

The sudden honesty made me stumble on my feet.

"How drunk are you exactly?", she playfully nudged at me.

"Enough to be entertaining", I readily replied.

"Oh, are you now?".

Her watery eyes blinked under the moonlight, now gazing at me intently, as if she wanted to speak out but just couldn't find the right words.

Believe me, I violently fought the urge to kiss her. I found myself on the cusp of doing it more than I would like to admit. Compared to my swings, it seemed to be more uncontrollable.

.

More than a few thoughts made me my intentions waver. What if she still wasn't over Jiyong? What about Dabin? What about our friendship?

.

Fuck it.

.

I caressed her reddened cheek as I leaned in.

My lips brushed against hers, gentle, feverish, like a zap to my whole system.

I could taste her YSL Libre perfume gradually melting into the champagne we had.

The music kept creeping up from behind the glass window of the terrace, reminding us of our surroundings, but that didn't seem to bother either of us. She tasted so sweet that for a second I feared that as soon as I opened my eyes I would wake up to a cruel dream.

.

"Chaerin-i! Where are you?", a female voice from inside the house called for her.

She slowly pulled away and stared me down with those unreadable hazel eyes of hers, before rushing inside and disappearing from my sight for the rest of the night.

.

.

✵✵✵

.

.

The loud phone notification cut through my unconsciousness.

I held the heavy head sitting on my shoulders, a grunt escaping the drought of my lips. I was too old for partying, the heavy sentence dawned on me, which I slowly tried to accept.

I caught a glimpse of female curves under the white sheets in the dim of the room.

.

Again?

.

I wish I'd stopped finding myself in these situations. It hadn't happened for a while.

.

...Chaerin-i?

.

Guilt pervaded me. I wished it happened differently.

The notifications became more insistent, prompting me to finally check on them.

.

「 Where are you though?」

「Chaerin was looking for you.」

.

"Come here", the girl next to me caressed the inked skin on my chest, inviting me back

But that girl wasn't Chaerin.

That girl was Stephany.

.

I always knew. A lot of shit happens after the kiss.

.

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“That’s all for this session, you’ve made significant improvements Mr. Yu. See you next week at the same hour then”.

I nodded at the psychiatrist and bowed, before finding myself again swallowed by the busy metropolis.

.

Scott had me promise to start seeing a professional about my unhealthy behaviors. I had him promise me not to tell anyone about my condition yet. I wanted to do better, I really wanted to.

.

✵ ch. 7 – pearlescent pills.

「 ☾ Ian's? POV」

.

“Friends keep in contact, right?”.

“I mean— Everyone has a life to attend to so it’s possible to lose contact for a while… what’s important is to show up in times of need”.

Dabin’s faultless reasoning resonated in me like a sentence.

“Right”.

”Is someone ghosting you?”, a chuckle left his lips.

“Nah, nothing of the sort”, my nervous reflection behind him laughed it off.

.

Scott and Cream often left me alone with Dabin for lunch break; some attempts were more obvious than others, I had figured out it was their way of giving us the space to talk about that night, but despite their effort at having “their kids” make amends, call it power of friendship or our inability to speak of our feelings openly, Dabin kept smiling at me as if nothing had happened, making guilt inflate to my throat.

“Hello, welcome to Blueberry Diner. What can I get you?”.

“Hi! I’ll have a Patty Melt and fries, thank you”.

“What about you?”, the waitress’ smile quickly turned into scorn as soon as she recognized the familiar features I uselessly hid behind the menu.

“Just a cola, thanks”.

“Anything else?”.

“That’s all, thank you”.

“Isn’t she the girl you’ve been seeing lately?.

“We’ve stopped seeing each other”. I slammed the menu on the table, cutting him out.

.

✵

“Who even are you? I can’t even recognize you anymore”.

The vermillion knuckles glistened under the faint studio lights. Dabin laid on a bed of broken shards, tinted in crimson red.

The mental torture my mind subjected me to had no end.

I despised myself for having no recollection of that moment but the more I looked at his smiley face, the more the fractions of that fateful night came to my mind, making me regret the bliss that came with not knowing.

✵

.

“Please stop…”.

“Damn dude, I won’t dig further then” - he showed his palms in defeat - “This must be awkward…You should’ve told me sooner, we could’ve gone elsewhere”.

“How could I? You were so excited to try their sauce”.

No matter how many times Dabin had tried to reassure me, I still felt uneasy when looking at him. All I could see was the pain I had inflicted on him. On Scott. No amount of apologies and free drinks could ever restore our friendship before those moments.

“Here you go, a Patty melt, fries and a cola”, the girl with green sheets approached Dabin with a tray and a bright smile, totally ignoring my presence.

Carmine droplets started to form a small puddle on the diner table.

.

drip.

drop.

drip.

drop.

.

That seemingly insignificant noise absorbed every surrounding sound; the sizzling meat, the loud chatter, the busy street in front of the burger place. Everything fell in ominous silence. Those slow splats managed to drown the voice in my head too.

I carefully followed the red trails to their source until my eyes laid on Dabin’s lips, painted in purple and blue.

I sought for any ounce of lucidity blinking away from him but all I could see were those seemingly intangible bruises that time yet couldn’t heal.

.

“I still wonder why Scott would renovate the studio while we are working on that big project. It sure isn’t the best of times”, Dabin remarked.

I bit my tongue. Scott really did honor his promise to me.

“Cream said we can finish recording at his place since the studio is closed”.

“Sure, I need help with this new draft of mine”.

.

I clutched my chest, air seemed to leave my lungs as I kept looking powerless at Dabin’s distorted figure. Blood kept dripping from the side of his mouth, but he kept talking as if nothing happened.

I suddenly felt my hands flinching uncontrollably, just like the table shaking under us.

“Are you okay Ian?”.

I slammed my palms on the surface, halting the trembling.

“Y-yeah. I just need to go to the bathroom”.

.

.

“What’s wrong with me? Why do You keep doing this? Just stop”. I pleaded at the distorted image in the mirror.

Dr. Kim’s words suddenly felt devoid of any meaning. Where was the progress if I constantly felt his presence behind my back?

I hastily swallowed the pearlescent pills, praying they’d work just like last time in hushing him, even if for just a bit. That was the one-way ticket for the limbo; the thin space between my highs and lows and, for how seemingly serene, it morphed me into a ghost, a watered version of myself.

.

“The sauce they make here is so damn good, you were right Ian!”.

“Right? I told you so—“, I quickly hid the pills in my pocket, like a nervous habit I developed.

.

If I couldn’t get rid of him, I’d at least fight back.

I just hated how much I needed him.

.

.

.

an. I'm back from a lengthy hiatus with a draft I started in 2022. Slowly I've come to enjoy again the creative process behind all this. Hope you are well! The next chapter is progressing well, hopefully I will publish it as soon as next week. Bye!

.

previous chapter. ✵  next chapter. ✵ masterlist

[darawonplease]

Hi have you been busy for the last 2 months, im wondering when you will have the time to make the next episode for darawon, can't wait LOL.... Fighting ☺️

soso glad someone is still interested in my fic!! I already started working on a draft, stay tuned ☆

[darawonplease]

The first day of shooting ends. The contestants get closer thanks to a fun work dinner, when Dara discovers why Min looked so familiar. 

• chapter 12 – sunflower.

an. i’m finally back from and endless hiatus. ngl, it’s always hard to resume writing after so long. disclaimer! I have no idea how a real tarot reading works, but I wanted to included it as i found it fun. enjoy! 

Her soft panting got gradually more and more present, no matter how hard she kept it in. “Are you okay?”. Jiwon couldn’t help but ask one more time. “It’s you who told me… to let out the true crazy”. “That! It’ll all be useless if you get hurt”. “B-but!—“, Dara cut off her rebuttal as her attention shifted somewhere else; Min and Hyuk suddenly appeared beside them, quickly gaining ground over the suffering duo. She glanced at the curly actor; her body tensed up inexplicably. She was sure she’d seen him before, but where? “Ugh— we HAVE to win!”, Dara whined, voicing Jiwon’s exact thoughts. “You got this! Keep a suitable pace for you, we’ll gain ground at the next section”.   . “T-that’s crazy! Isn’t Sandara going at a faster pace?”, Sook widened her eyes at the incredible scene. “They seemed to comfort each other a lot, despite the unfavorable situation”. “Isn’t that what a power duo is supposed to do?”.

.

Jiwon held onto her tight. Just how badly did she want to win to do something so reckless? Her determination felt refreshing, nonetheless. A part of him started to respect her even more.

.

“The first teams to arrive to the finish line are: Team Min-Hyuk leading, Team EunDara second and Team Goeun-Jongwon last. The other teams are automatically out!”. The large race flag waved triumphantly at the side of the line just crossed by exhausted the contestants.

.

Jiwon carefully helped himself off of Sandara’s back and immediately pulled her into a celebratory hug, both taken over a rush of sudden excitement.

“We made it!”.

They jumped up and down, screaming victory before realizing how close they actually were to each other, suddenly pulling away from the embrace with some awkwardness.

.

“You’re way stronger than me”. The all smiley Jiwon didn’t even realize how proud he looked as he helped his partner fix her shirt. She kissed her flexed bicep. “I told you Hwangssabu-nim is the best! It’s all thanks to him”. “We would’ve been eliminated if it wasn’t for you. I told you to trust my judgement”.

 .

[later that day]

 .

“Don’t blame me, okay? This dinner was organized last minute… I just thought you wouldn’t care about joining, afterall… you hate work dinners. What makes this one different?”, Jiwon’s manager spoke up, heaving yet another sigh of frustration towards his own client as he carefully parked the car a few metres after the anonymous restaurant. “Nothing’s different“. The signature flowery scent hit his nose before her small figure could even enter his vision.

.

“Oh- Jiwon oppa, you came?”. Dara’s sulk lit up into a slight smile as soon as he entered. “Yes, Dohyun was kind enough to drive me here in a hurry”. The watery eyes, stiff posture; Dara clearly looked upset, it was impossible for him not to notice when he was looking at her so closely. “Are you okay?”, His voice suddenly softened. He realized he asked her that question so many times that day. She just nodded and led the new guests to the table where the lively dinner was already taking place

.

“I must be very late, am I not?”. Cho-PD’s face broke into a contented smile at the arrival of the precious contestant. “You’ve finally joined us!”.

.

“I thought I was the last one to arrive”, Jiwon pointed out after looking at the empty spots beside him and Dara.  “Here we are, sorry”, the co-actors made their way towards their seats, but Jiwon wasn’t the only one who’s enthusiasm seemed to dim, Dara suddenly grew silent too.

.

“Now that everyone’s here, I wanted to grab this opportunity to thank you for coming to this dinner despite the late notice” - Cho-PD raised his glass - Let’s have a toast, to the success of this shooting!”. The crowded table followed closely, making glasses clink left and right.

.

“You still haven’t drank at all Sandara Noona!”. “I’m okay, thank you”. “Just one glass, come on noona!”, Hyuk insisted. Her nervous fingers moved the shot glass away from her. “I’m not really in the mood for it”, she refused again. Jiwon stole the soju shot, emptying it in one swift motion.  “Ahh! I’ve been missing the taste of soju lately”. “B-but I poured it for noona..”, the actor protested in a low murmur.

 .

“It’s been a pleasure to meet with you all and getting to know you more. I’ll be leaving first but we’ll meet tomorrow morning for the second part of the filming. Make sure to rest well as it will be a very physically demanding challenge, don’t go too crazy with the drinking” - He turned towards his right - “Okay Jiwon?”.  A fat laughter broke at the table but Jiwon just smirked, unbothered.

.

The fun evening continued between delicious plates of braised meat and fried meatballs.

.

“Did you guys know that Jongwon-ssi knows how to do tarot readings?”. “I’m still learning, but I do am getting better at it”. The celebrity chef humbly responded to his show partner sudden boasting. “Wouldn’t it be fun to give it a try?”, Goeun encouraged him.

.

“Ask him if your bills are going to increase this year”. Dohyun playfully nudged at Jiwon. The liquor was already brightening his grim mood.

.

“Come on, let’s start from Jiwon-ssi!”. “A sunflower?”, Sechskies’ leader stared at the cards in front of him, failing to understand the link between them all. “… that’s unexpected”, Jongweon studied what he just revealed for a moment. “That’s the style of someone who only looks at one person. Soon, you’ll be dating”, he concluded.

“That’s nonsense, I have no luck there”. Jiwon scoffed. Even tarot cards seemed to make a fool out of his love misfortunes.

“Is there a candidate? Or someone you’re thinking about?”. “He has one, there is someone… “, the chef nodded. “I have someone?”, he tilted his head. “Someone near him”. Jiwon’s glance naturally turned towards Dara before hanging his head low. “Near me?! Yah! Who taught you how to read cards?”. 

 .

The work dinner naturally reached its end with people gradually leaving.

.

A chilly breeze awaited them outside, making Dara hold tightly onto the leather jacket she wore.  “Jiwon oppa, before you go…”, she stopped by his manager’s large car, “Thank you for giving me your lunchbox earlier”. He desperately tried to escape her sweet gaze, “How did you?...” .

“You’re a kind-hearted guy afterall!”, her cheeks plumped up like peaches.

.

‘Jiwon, you got this, take a deep breath-‘ 

.

“It’s nothing”, a sincere smile won over his need of pretending to be cool. There was no point in denying it. “See you tomorrow then, we better win!”.

.

Dara quietly got to her car and in its safety the smile fleeted her expression, leaving space to bitter tears. She gripped the steering wheel so hard it hurt, before sinking her face there as the heavy emotions she tried to contain all evening got the best of her.

 .

[earlier that evening]

 .

Cho-PD checked his phone one more time to no news. “Jiwon’s manager still hasn’t replied. I knew I should’ve stopped them before they left! I think we should start without them at this point. Can someone call those two smoking outside?”. “I’ll go!”, Dara gladly volunteered. ‘I must’ve seen him in that show, that must be it!’, she finally put to rest that annoying doubt of hers, excited to share this with Min.

.

The two actors stood a few meters away from the entrance. She recognized them immediately despite them having their backs turned towards the restaurant; Min’s curls were way too recognizable to be mistaken.

.

“I’ve been curious about her ever since Hyung had to suddenly get out of that club that day. She made such a pitiful scene at that party after he dumped her. See…he used to date her back then”.

.

A painful flashback came to haunt her once again. Of course Min was at the infamous YG after party with that opportunistic actor. She finally understood why the sight of him made her restless.

(refer to ch.4)

.

“Hyung said it only took 3 glasses of beer to take her home, can you believe it? One can’t be so bad at drinking, she must be pretending only to cry victim after she realizes how easy she’s been”, he chuckled after taking another hit.

“Let’s offer her some, see if what Hyung said is true”, Hyuk threw the cigarette butt on the sidewalk before stomping it off.

.

Dara quietly backed away from the entrance door but her feet wouldn’t take one more step, no matter how much she wanted to flee from that nightmare turned reality. The illusion of the two admiring dongsaengs happily approaching her just vanished into the disgusting truth. Perhaps that’s what the rest of the industry thought of her behind the smile and pleasantries.

.

Easy. Slut. 

What if Jiwon thought that too? She wondered.

-

previous chapter.  ⋆  next chapter.  ⋆ masterlist.

[darawonplease]

Jiwon chooses Dara as her teammate and discovers her determination to win.

chapter 11 – ace runner.

a.n. This chapter is dedicated @darabbitkrungy, who’s such a great author and also loyal reader of this fic! Hope I can cheer them up a bit. Check out their stories!

I really gave myself a hard time trying to choose some fun minigames for the characters to play but I decided to keep it quite simple for my sanity’s sake! I apologize for taking so long to update but life often gets in the middle. Feel free to leave comments, they always lift up my mood and motivate me to write more ~

.

“Welcome to this brand-new episode of RUNNING ACE!”, Yoo Jaesuk announced, extending his arms to the bright sky.

“Today’s theme is all about teamwork and complicity, that’s why we brought you the hottest contestants to test their chemistry together!”, the expert co-host, Kim Sook, continued.

“We’ve seen them in the most acclaimed drama of the year, give it up for these two rising actors, Min and Hyuk!”.

Min’s polite bows made the curly locks on his head bounce all around. Hyuk walked right beside him, the feature that most stood out was his impressive height which made him a tower over the hosts.

“They’re even more handsome now that I see them up close! So… who will the female lead choose between you two?”.

“You’ll find out in the finale of ‘Inner Beauty’ that will come out this Sunday at 9pm, so don’t miss out!”.

.

“The next two contestants are Kpop legends, celebs of celebs!”, Sook anticipated.

“Who they might be you might ask?”.

Jaesuk turned to the main camera, as if he was directly asking to the viewers at home.

.

“Here comes the youthful fresh vocalist of the 2nd generation, SANDARA PARK!”.

She was little in stature, but her presence was big and irrefutable. A flowery breeze flowed on set as soon as she stepped on stage. Dara waltzed in with her usual bright smile. Her hand waved cheerfully left and right, leaving staff, hosts, and contestants in awe. Nobody was spared by the hurricane that was Sandara Park.

.

“He could beat your idol, here’s the leader from the 1st generation: CHARISMA EUN JIWON!”.

Jiwon casually walked towards the other contestants with a hint of a grin. His aura was completely different from his junior’s.

The casual black attire he wore only highlighted his cool looks, he easily reminded everyone that he was in fact SECHSKIES’ charismatic leader. It was difficult to read him: sometimes Jiwon had this lived-in and reliable senior vibe to him, however, he also had a knack for being unpredictable and going all or nothing that gained him the fame of Variety Crazy Genius.

The participants had already started to eye him, he was a formidable contestant you wouldn’t want as opponent.

.

Min kept eyeing his prey, waiting for the right moment to attack.

“Hello Dara-noona”, he finally approached, with stars in his eyes. The celebrity he heard so much about was right in front of him.

“Oh- Hi!”. Dara shyly greeted him back with a hint of a nod.

Jiwon forced a loud cough, nonchalantly making space for himself between the two like a human barrier.

‘What’s with him?’, the young actor thought to himself, feeling his eye suddenly twitch.

.

The customary introductions carried on when a growl too loud to ignore disrupted the natural course of the show.

All heads turned to a flustered Jiwon.

“Seems like someone is hungry!”.

“You’d be happy to know that one of the prizes for this race is a full set of the highest-grade beef”, Sook reassured him.

“Didn’t you JUST eat?”, Jiwon’s manager mouthed from behind the camera operator, baffled by the situation. He himself delivered that large jjamppong take-out to his artist.

‘How much can a grown man possibly eat to be full?’, he thought, mentally noting himself to buy a bigger portion next time.

Sechskies’ leader tightened his lips and secretly glanced at Dara. ‘did she realize…?’, he wondered before shielding himself with his typical unbothered expression.

.

“But our staff’s preparations don’t limit to simply this, the grand prize will be… granting one of your wishes!”.

The participant’s expressions brightened for a second, curious of the scope of the show.

.

“So that’s why they interviewed us earlier”. Hyuk mumbled.

“I heard Eun Jiwon is after a rare lego collection”.

“Ha? That’s true. How did you know?”.

“We did extensive research on all of you to make sure you’d be highly motivated to win the challenges”, Sook responded.

“Two guests here share the same wish, a couple of limited editions sneakers! Can you guess who they might be?”.

The participants scanned each other. In the large plethora of people with age gaps a different profession nobody could tell who they might be.

.

“It’s Sandara and Min!”, Sook revealed.

“We have a lot in common noona!”, Min’s head peaked out to , sporting an innocent little smile.

Jiwon rolled his eyes, ‘little bastard’, he thought to himself miserably failing at the task of hiding his annoyance.

.

“Actually…”, Dara’s ringing voice softly made its way.

“My earnest wish is a vacation to the Philippines”.

.

“Well-“, Sook bought some time as she carefully listened to the production’s instructions coming out of the in-hear, “The PD team confirmed that we can grant that wish!”.

“We’ll proceed with a random throw of dices to determine the order in which you’ll choose the member that will make up your team. This step is crucial!”.

“Dara-Noon-“, Min attempted another approach but Jiwon glared him down, stripping the punk of his ear to ear smile.

.

[…]

.

“Jiwon picked the highest total number on the dices, so he shall start!”.

“I pick Sandara”. He didn’t waste one second, as if he had already made up his mind way before coming to the stage”.

“M-me?”.

“You’ll do just fine”. He gently nodded, subtly welcoming her to take his side.

Choosing her gained him dirty looks from all the male contestants, but he didn’t mind if that as long as he could watch over her.

.

“I choose Min, we’re enemies in the drama but we have great chemistry”.

.

[…]

.

The contestant hardly contained their excitement as they all discussed and theorized the challenges while walking along the stone path leading to the next filming set. The same couldn’t be said for one couple, who walked side by side in complete silence.

.

Dara kept fiddling with the curls on her shoulders until she mustered up the courage to finally speak up.

“I’m sorry”.

“Huh? Suddenly? What are you apologizing for?”.

“You won’t get a chance to win your prize with me in your squad. Because the President asked us to team up”.

“That’s nonsense”, he quickly dismissed her worries.

She stopped in her tracks. Her intense gaze prompted him to explain.

“I don’t know what the CEO told you but I chose you. Just trust my judgement”, he rested his hands on her shoulders to hopefully give her some reassurance.

“It’s that... I’ve never been too comfortable with variety shows, the President has scolded me plenty already”.

“Just be yourself”.

“That’s it?”.

“Oh, trust me. When you get loose the true crazy in you comes out”.

“The true crazy…?”

.

Jaesuk waited for the last participants to gather around him before explaining the mission.

“The race will start here. On my cue you will have to piggyback ride your partner all the way to the next stop while avoiding the ‘surprises’ we prepared for you”.

.

“Get on, palli”. Dara jokingly pointed at her back making Jiwon reveal his bunny teeth as he snickered at her silliness.

“Come on”. The rapper bent down just enough to let her hop on his back and wrapped her arms around him tightly, making sure to secure a good grip.

Her mind Immediately felt drunk with the inebriating musky cologne he wore on his neck, the same one he wore the day of their ‘date’.

“Come on, focus now”, she scolded herself.

“Are you okay?”.

“Mhmh”.

He took a deep breath and started jogging forward while others were still figuring out who had to be the carrier.

.

“See? Good thing I chose you, you’re so lightweight”.

“Right!”.

“So… a vacation to the Philippines, huh?”. He tried his best to keep the conversation flowing.

“Well, It’s my happy place… I wish It only took a five minute walk to get there”.

“Is It that nice of a place?!”.

“I promise! I think you’d like It, It has a similar vibe to Hawaii”.

“You should show me around one day then”.

Those words escaped so naturally from his lips, he actually felt embarrassed.

‘thank god she can’t look at my face’, Jiwon payed gratitude as his flushed cheeks were saved from being seen.

“I’d really love to”.

She unconsciously tightened her grip, almost hugging him.

.

“The first duo arrived!”, Jaesuk spotted them making their way towards him.

“Congratulations for being the first ones to get here! You now have to choose between these ‘surprise’ cards”.

“Go ahead”, he encouraged Dara to choose.

Her small hand hesitantly hovered over the cards held by Sook before stopping on the center one.

Dara cleared her voice before reading the card aloud.

“The rider becomes the passenger. The passenger becomes the rider. If you refuse to switch you have to start from the very beginning all over again”.

.

“Oh, this is UNEXPECTED”. The MC’s showed surprise too.

“That won’t do”, Jiwon immediately argued but Dara stopped him.

“Come on, hurry”, she bended a little.

“You’ll get hurt like that, let’s just go back to the starting line”.

“But the others are catching up! Get on!”, she Insisted, “Just please. Let me try”.

Reluctant, he carefully climbed on her back.

“What if I break you?”.

“We better win then”.

-

previous chapter.  ⋆  next chapter.  ⋆ masterlist.

[darawonplease]

a.n. This short story chronologically comes before "ch.2 - drink with me". Comments and upvotes are much appreciated as they motivate me a lot ~

I wanted to do homage to Minzy's beautiful song: Superwoman

 .

Taeil rushes back to the library only to find Minzy fast asleep on a book.

.

click! ♡ – ch. 3 superwoman.

 .

‘congrats Lee Taeil, your clumsy ass managed to forget the only thing you were carrying’, I scolded myself as I dashed through the campus. The clock ticked at my every step; It was a matter of minutes before the building closed.

 .

“S-sorry, I forgot my backpack here”, I gasped for air, supporting myself with the reception’s mahogany counter.

“I put It In the lost and found box, go fetch It”, the librarian gestured me to go deep down the hallway.

I hastily looked around the space in search for the lost item when my eyes encountered a figure slumped on the study table.

“Minji-jjing?!”, I instantly recognized her.

 .

With an open book under her head like a pillow, her reddish locks fell on the pastel-coloured fabric of her blouse. She looked sculpted by an artist madly in love with his muse. Her beauty was ethereal.

Even the Minzy who always worked her ass off, who was always available to help everyone could get tired. She was so human too, even if at that moment she resembled an angel.

 .

I looked down at the table scattered with copies of the Open Day program.

“You’re working on the event while studying too?”.

I recalled hearing her reviewing In the middle of the night. She gave all the hours of her day to organize the event, that’s why she had to borrow a few when the sun was past gone to focus on her own studies.

 .

“You should take care of yourself too”, I whispered before gently rocking her arm.

“Just 5 more minutes… please”, she moaned.

“The librarian is about to kick us out…”, I met his disapproving eyes.

“H-ha? T-taeil oppa?... It can’t be…”.

 .

I called a cab as soon as I retrieved the backpack. She was too sleepy to disagree anyway.

 .

“It’s the yellow building at the end of the street”, I Instructed the driver and carefully looked at the street.

Her head suddenly dropped on my shoulder, finding a comfortable resting spot. I tried with all my might to be the best head pillow a taxi could offer, in no way I could interrupt her sacred nap.

“Rest all you need, you deserve It. You worked so hard”,

I took a glimpse of her serene expression reflected in the rear-view mirror. How could such an energetic girl like her look so peaceful?

“what am I to do with you? how can I move on If you’re always In my eyes?’.

 .

[…]

 .

The sun shone brightly the next morning but the golden rays seemed to kiss only her.

 .

“This Is to show my gratitude for yesterday. I would’ve slept In the library If It wasn’t for you”.

She revealed the cup of coffee she clumsily hid behind her back and smiled.

“You should rest more, even wonderwoman gets tired from time to time”.

I wrapped my palms around the cup of coffee, encompassing her soft hands in the process.

Our eyes met for a moment.

The buzz of the lively university life seemed to dim in that instant frozen in time.

 .

Sometimes I wonder If I was the only one to feel it.

 .

“Care to stop for a chat?”, Minzy handed me the coffee.

The smile on my face vanished as soon as I noticed him approaching.

“Maybe next time? I’m late to Instrumental practice right now. Thanks for the coffee minji-ya~”.

I bit my lip and left.

 .

[…]

 .

“Taeil Hyung, what are you doing here so early? Practice is at 9.30”.

 .

.

previous chapter. ♡  next chapter. ♡ masterlist

//

Please support the artists!

Taeilzy Double Trouble Performance 'As I told You': [더블 트러블 무대 풀버전] 태일(블락비)X공민지 - 말하자면 - YouTube

Taeilzy Double Trouble Performance 'Me Gustas Tu':(27) [더블 트러블 무대 4K 풀버전] 공민지, 태일 - ��늘부터 우리는 - YouTube

Minzy new single: MINZY (공민지) - 기깔나 Fantabulous MV - YouTube

My fave Taeil song: 태일 (TAEIL) - 흔들린다 (Inspiring) (Prod. By 40) MV - YouTube

[darawonplease]

a.n. This short story is the continuation of the original one-shot ‘click! ♡’, where Taeil falls in love at first sight with a mysterious girl on campus only to find out it’s the neighbor who just moved in, Gong Minzy.

I prepared a Spotify playlist to go with your reading. The song that I imagined as ‘OST’ is ‘Tell Me Where It Hurts’ by MYMP, which I think it’s quite fitting.

.

The two share their disappointments and worries in front of a bottle of soju, finding comfort in each other.

.

click! ♡ ch.2 – drink with me.

Taeil brushed the keys one more time, incapable of reproducing the sad notes he dreamt the night before as they escaped, fugitives of his memories. He sighed once more. Truth to be told, his latest songs felt uninspired and hollow and for how absurd, he held on tight to the melody playing in his subconscious to hopefully cure the creative block that struck him for days.

An offbeat knocking suddenly summoned him at the front door.

“I’m coming in”.

His neighbor stumbled inside with no greeting nor eye contact. She simply placed a couple of soju bottles on the musician’s coffee table, her tired body sinking into his old couch.

“Minji-jjing?!”.

“Drink with me”. The clear alcohol glistened in the green bottle as she poured him a glass.

She was the type you’d rarely see go for booze, Taeil knew that well. That’s why the sight of her staggering around felt unusual, almost suspicious.

“What’s up with you barging in my house this late at night? Did something happen?”. Wary, he still sat beside her and careful of her every action, he kept investigating.

“I knew you were still up, you kept playing those sad melodies and I thought we could both use each other’s company. Drinking in two is a little less depressing, don’t you think?”.

“So you heard it…”.

“I always listen to you playing the piano”. The subtlest hint of red spread on Taeil’s cheeks as she confessed to that.

“You do?”.

“Sometimes it’s annoying when you practice in the middle of the night, but you play it so well, that’s why I’ve never complained…”, she paused,

“…YET”.

“I’M SORRY! I’m really sorry! I always lose track of time. I didn’t mean to bother you”. He nervously scratched the back of his buzzed head.

“I’m kidding! Come on, drink up”.

He downed the soju shot destined for him as he figured out that going along might’ve just allowed him to understand the situation better.

“Tell me about that song you’re playing”, she rested her face in her hands, ready to tend the ears to him.

He pushed his round glasses back in place with the tip of his finger.

“Well…when I feel overwhelmed, I always go back to the keyboard and express myself through music”,

“And why are you sad right now?”, she kept prying, not yet satisfied with his vague response.

“It might sound dumb, I know. But I had this dream. In front of me was the most beautiful betta fish I’ve ever had the luck to admire. I’ve always wished to keep one in my aquarium... I promised myself I’d take care of it dearly but suddenly… I was releasing It in the wild. Maybe, deep inside, I knew that letting it go was the best thing I could do for It. It didn’t belong to me… It belonged to nature”. He glanced at her as the story gave a frown on his delicate lips.

“In the dream, I heard a beautifully melancholic melody, but sadly, I just can’t remember it well. I feel stuck”.

Minzy puckered her lips as she gathered the thoughts running across her mind.

“So that’s why you kept going back on the notes…You know? Sometimes dreams are a message from your subconscious. You’re letting go of something or rather… someone. And you’re trying to reach acceptance, but this saddens you. It’s okay to be sad. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I know It might be hard but maybe you have to leave that beautiful song in your dreams. You’re a talented musician Taeil Oppa. I’m sure you’ll be able to write something as beautiful soon enough. Just trust yourself”. She concluded with an earnest smile.

“Minji-jjing… Yes! I can surely do that!”, the first smile in weeks appeared on his face.

“Isn’t it nice to just drink like this?”.

Her hand reached for the glass shot.

“HEY! WAIT!”. Taeil suddenly rose from the old couch.

“Will you stop putting others before yourself? Why am I the one getting comforted? Spill the beans. What’s up with you barging in my house to drink?”.

He could almost see his Image refracted in the splotches of water forming in her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to keep them in.

“I’ll be the one who listens to you today. So start talking”.

Minzy gripped onto the fabric of her pajamas trousers. Her big almond eyes wouldn’t move from the ground beneath her feet.

“Truth is…”, she bit her lip as her mouth refused to voice her worries.

“…that course mate of mine just rejected me…”.

He pretended not to be familiar with him but perhaps, he knew a bit too much about that ‘coursemate’ she was talking about.

Kim Inseong. The tall, handsome folk who managed to captivate every girl taking theology at National University with his witty tongue, including Minzy.

It hurt him to notice her eyes shine in his presence. He could just stare from the sidelines while that Inseong guy managed to shoot another arrow in her heart.

[ … ]

“Minji-jing!”, Taeil’s expression brightened as soon as he saw her. It didn’t matter how bad the day had been up until that moment, he finally managed to run into her despite the busy midterms.

“oh- are you going home too? we can ride the bus together”, he rehearsed the right phrase in his mind before approaching her.

“Oppa!”.

“Minzy-yah! Come on, let’s get going, we’re late!”, a tall guy came and swooped in, nonchalantly grabbing onto her arm to lead her god knows where.

The musician stopped in his tracks, incapable of taking one more step or retreating.

He recognized the smile she wore because he’d seen it on his own face. That was the smile of someone falling in love.

And as a twisted joke, they kept appearing before him, acting more and more comfortable each time. “Be happy for her, you pabo”, he kept mentally repeating like a mantra, but his own words wouldn’t sink in. Part of him wished to be the one beside her.

[…]

No words could ever feel right at that moment. That’s why the chatterbox that was Lee Taeil decided to stay silent and offer his crying shoulder.

“I’m so disappointed. I feel so foolish for thinking there was something between us”, she rested her head on his chest and freed her frustrations.

“Let it all out, I don’t want you to keep any tear after this”, his gentle strokes on her back soothed the lump of messy emotions choking her up.

Gradually, their bodies pulled into a silent hug.

“Can we stay like this for a bit?”.

The sudden question took him aback, but he kept softly caressing her back nonetheless. He was the one comforting her and yet, the warm embrace seemed to heal his pains too.

She gently pulled away to wipe dry the last traces of sadness left on her cheeks.

“You ok?”, Taeil looked for eye contact.

“It’s just hurtful to think that he didn’t see me the way I saw him”, she lowered her gaze again.

“Well. I see you. Gong Minzy”.

Taeil peered right into the hazelnut of her eyes, as if he was trying to find her, the real Minzy. Words weren’t needed as his stare spoke for him: longing, melancholy, acceptance, and reassurance. The way he looked at her was simply love.

An invisible string pulled them closer and closer, definitely way too close for being two simple friends.

His hand naturally moved to her flushed cheek, which he stroked with his thumb, revealing the gorgeous tats on his pale skin.

Not sure what was going to happen, Minzy shut her eyes.

Now surrounded by darkness, she couldn’t help but notice her poor heart pound so hard in her chest, she feared Taeil could hear it too.

She softly opened her lids when the warmth of Taeil’s soft lips sweetly kissed the space between her eyebrows.

“T-taeil…”.

“Ah! It got so late already. You should get some rest. We both have classes tomorrow”. He awkwardly blabbered his way out of that situation.

[…]

“What?! You didn’t kiss her?”, Jihoon leaned aggressively towards his Hyung.

“How could I? She still wasn’t over that Inseong guy. Besides, we both drank. It wasn’t right to kiss her anyway, you know”.

The tall friend pulled Taeil in a tight one-arm hug.

“I can’t believe you admitted to liking her so easily. You must like her A LOT”.

“I do. I just can’t seem to get her out of my mind-…”, he covered his mouth with both hands as he realized how corny the words he just threw out sounded.

“You little bastard! I knew you’d give in one day. The days of Taeil the rock have ended!”.

“Oh but wait. I haven’t finished. I might’ve not kissed her… but she kissed me”. A wide smile spread across his face.

[…]

He closed the door behind him and immediately initiated what he would call a ‘victory dance’.

“YES!”, he jumped around the apartment on a rush of dopamine when suddenly Minzy lightly knocked on the door.

“Oppa?”.

He loudly cleared up his voice, pretending his cool, as if he wasn’t exulting moments before opening up.

“I forgot something…”.

“Oh? What is it?—”, he raised his eyebrows.

Her plump lips stamped a full kiss on his cheek,

“Goodnight~”.

[darawonplease]

CLICK! ♡ [minzy x taeil collegeau] oneshot

Taeil is a music major at the National College. His friends always tell him that he doesn't care about romance, and they’re right. It’s just too hard to get in his heart.

His only requirement when it comes to love?

Getting the ‘click!’.

Everything changes when the theology major, Gong Minzy, rings his door.

Characters. Taeil (BLOCK B) x Minzy

Genre. Slice of Life, Rom-com, Light-hearted

College AU. [oneshot]

I. anti-romantic

“Who’s the less romantic between us?”, Jiho put the question on the table with a grin on his lips right after downing the espresso in one shot.

“That must be him”, everyone agreed while pointing at Taeil, much to his surprise. Sure, he knew he wasn’t the most romantic guy ever, but he never thought that was people’s perception of him. He was Taeil, the karaoke genius, music major and fish geek, but that was the first time he was dubbed as ‘anti-romantic’.

“You’re cool and all hyung, but you’re honestly hard to deal with. I lost count of all the girls I tried to set you up with. You don’t ever open your heart to anyone! You’re like a rock”, Jihoon whined, defeated.

“What is it that you’re looking for? Do you have an ideal type?”, Yukwon asked, in the hope of helping his friend.

Taeil loosened the turtleneck that suddenly felt tight around his neck after the unexpected question.

“Well…- I just have to click with that person. That’s hard to describe into words-… click! That’s the most important for me”, he explained the best he could.

“What did I tell you! He’s so difficult!”.

“I just want someone to be able to drink with me, someone whom I can have an endless conversation with”. You could hear a hint of resignation in his voice. He simply couldn’t develop interest for anyone.

II. A mocha to go.

Taeil had ignored the jingle of the door all morning; freshmen came in and out of the café to get the precious caffeine push to go through the first day of college. The brass bell at the door rang once again, but that time was different. Its ring sounded incredibly sweet to the musician’s ears.

He raised his head, ignoring the rest of the conversation held by his peers.

A girl waltzed in, bringing with her the mood of a warm spring day despite the drizzle that typically marked the beginning of the Academic year. For some reason, Taeil couldn’t lift his eyes off her. There was nothing particularly eye-catching about her, but he couldn’t help but keep his head low and stare at her as she walked past him. Like petals shaking, grazed by a beautiful butterfly, waves seemed to crash into his untouched heart.

“Good morning! A mocha to go, thank you!”.

“It’s really cold today, isn’t it? It’ll be 2,500 won, thanks!”,

“Oh, it’s freezing! Here you go. Have a nice day~!”.

Her voice was gentle and warm, a caress to his musical ears.

Taeil managed to catch a glimpse of the bouncing curls at the tips of her reddish hair before another freshman blocked his vision, and in a split second, she disappeared.

III. I wish I said hello.

Taeil turned in his bed all night that day.

He squeezed his eyes and tried to recall the features of her face. He noticed things like the purple polaroid camera strapped like a cross-bag on her small frame, but the encounter happened so fast that he couldn’t make up her face.

“Idiot”, he cursed himself for having to rely on those fleeting memories.

IV. Heart is hurt.

“Hyung! Are you all by yourself? It’s the first time I meet you here at the college café”, Jihoon greeted his senior and sat across him.

Taeil nodded but his attention was elsewhere. He kept looking at the door, anticipating her. He found himself at the café for the fourth day in a row, still waiting for her appearance. Just hoping to see her again at the same place, but she simply never came.

V. Cold earphones.

The bus that usually took him home was just a few meters from the bus stop, but Taeil was still on the other side of the road, impatiently waiting for the traffic light to give him the go.  

He wiped away the sweat from his large forehead, he couldn’t believe he had run like his life depended on it only to lose it. He looked straight at the bus stop and noticed a girl sitting on the bench, waiting for the bus. Vapour rose from her lips because of the cold. She gently blew warm air on each earphone before putting them on and bopping her head to the music.

‘Cute’, he mumbled under his breath, he just couldn’t help but find that absolutely adorable. He hurriedly cleaned the lens of his round glasses, but her face still looked like a blurry splash of colour. Despite the distance, he saw it, the purple polaroid camera. He now was sure; she was the girl from the café.

The traffic light finally gave him the go, but the bus already leaving, bringing the fascinating girl away with it.

The long deep sigh manifested as a milky cloud that surrounded him.

‘I lost you again, huh-…Please come find me next time’, he prayed.

VI. The girl next door.

Minzy sighed in defeat. The damn lightbulb became her worst enemy that evening.

She hated asking for help. She was Gong Minzy after all. A woman who managed to do all sorts of things independently, like saving up all year to finally move out and go to the big city to pursue her education, but unfortunately, she was just a couple of centimetres too short to screw the lightbulb on the lamp.

She rubbed her knee in pain after failing to balance on the chair and in that moment, she finally accepted defeat: she was going to ask for help.

VII. Ring ring

Taeil choked on the glass of water, startled by the ringing doorbell of his humble apartment.

‘Who it might be at this hour?’, he coughed as he made his way towards the entrance door.  

An unfamiliar face appeared in the spyhole. He carefully proceeded to open the door. In front of him was a short girl with yellow ducks all over her pyjamas and a high ponytail on top of her head.

“Hi! Sorry to bother you. I’m having a hard time putting the lightbulb on, could you please help me?”.

Her tone of voice felt somewhat familiar despite the new face, but his musical ears often played games with his mind, that’s why he quickly dismissed the thought.

“Sure thing, lead the way!”.

He closely followed her through the hallway of the condo, but she stopped just after a few steps to fish the keys out of her pockets.

The door to her apartment was just across.

VIII. Free-falling.

“Ignore the mess, I still haven’t found the time to tidy all of this up”, she let out a nervous chuckle as soon as she opened the door.

Taeil made his way in, careful not to stumble on the boxes stacked together at his feet.

“Did you just move in?”, he asked.

“Yes! Uh- forgive me. In all this, I forgot to properly introduce myself. I’m Gong Minzy and apparently, I’m now your neighbour”, she flashed an innocent smile.

“I’m Lee Taeil, nice to meet you”, he responded, an unknown force tugging on the side of his lips.

“I can’t believe stingy-uncle moved out without telling me”, the sudden realization put a frown on his small lips.

“Stingy-uncle? Who is he?”.

“He’s the person who rented this apartment before you. I kind of miss his nagging, he was incredibly resourceful. In fact, it seems he even brought the lightbulbs away with him and left you in the dark”.

Minzy pointed at the lamp that turned her evening into a living hell. She was officially tired of living in the darkness, having to carry her daily life in the small area that the tiny lamp table beside her bed managed to light up.

“I’ll do it for you”, the music major readily stepped on the chair. He wasn’t known for his astounding height, but the centimetres that made him slightly taller than Minzy really helped him out. He was a few screws from finishing the job, but the flimsy chair started to tremble under his feet: disaster was awaiting. Embarrassing moments always seem to happen in slow-mo, so it’s easier to rewind them over and over and feel embarrassed all over again.

He could only see the ceiling above as he fell backwards. With his limbs flailing all over the place, he waited for his body to hit the ground.

“I got you- Are you okay?”, Her secure hold spared him an appointment with the cold floor.

Taeil slowly opened his eyes. Minzy’s face was just a few centimetres from his. He now had no choice but to admire all the gentle features he didn’t pay attention to: the big almond eyes shining with concern, her plump peachy lips and round cheeks.

For a moment, he transformed into the heroine of some romance manhwa. He savoured that fluttering feeling, maybe a bit too much before coming to his senses.

“Y-yes! I’m totally fine! Thanks”, he suddenly stood up and fixed his white tee. His glance wouldn’t leave the wooden floor, he suddenly felt his ears get all red. ‘How embarrassing of me’, he mumbled.

IX. Her.

“Let there be light!”.

Minzy turned on the switch, flooding the place with a warm-tinted glow.

Taeil could finally have a first look at her apartment. He wondered how many memories all the objects inhabiting her small room held. Those alone could tell so many stories of the person renting it.

“1st place Dance Competition…”, he scanned the medals and trophies shining on the shelf.

“Oh, those… I’ve been dancing ever since I can remember. I saved up the prize money to finally do the big step and move here”, she tucked a rogue strand of hair behind the ear.

“You’re such a cool person Minzy”.

Polaroid photos of her memories formed a heart over the bed’s frame. Plants of a luscious green decorated the large window. His eyes widened as he noticed something familiar hidden behind one of the box towers.

“Oh, that’s my Gundam collection!”, she moved the obstacles away to reveal her beloved action figures.

“I collect figurines too! Oh, this one is so cool, how did you get it?”.

He seemed invested by a childlike fascination; stars popped out of his eyes and for a moment, she saw him under a different light. Not everyone understood the value of the gundam figures she cherished so much, but he did.

X. Glass of water.

Taeil awkwardly sat down at the tiny round table across the room. He stared at the glass of water that Minzy insistently offered him to thank him for almost breaking his neck while helping her. Cute strawberries decorated the rim of that glass. ‘She seems to like cutesy stuff’, he thought to himself, still unable to take a sip.

Minzy soon joined him.

“That mug… are you a student at the National College?”, he recognized the school’s logo.

“Yes! I’m a theology major. I’m a freshman there.”

“I can’t believe we’re enrolled in the same school. I’m a music major there”, he gaped.

XI. Destiny.

The night deepened but time seemed to stop for the two of them. Minzy’s apartment soon filled with laughs and outrageous stories. Anyone would mistake them for long time friends catching up, that’s how comfortable they instantly became with each other.

The musician suddenly stood upon looking at the watch on his waist.

“Oh? It’s so late already. I’ve been bothering you for hours”.

“Don’t say that oppa, I enjoyed it very much. I’ll let you rest then”.

‘She called me Oppa’, he mumbled satisfied.

“Thank you for helping me out back there, I hope to see you soon…”, her cheeks suddenly got flushed, pushing her eyes into two small half-moons.

“Don’t mention it. See you at the campus! Or here, I mean. I’m just a bell ring away. Good night Minzy-ya~”, he walked towards the door, trying to hide the ear to ear smile that took control of his face.

He was about to step out of her apartment when he noticed something with the corner of his eyes. Call it coincidence, call it destiny, but there it was, the purple polaroid he so desperately hoped to see again was hanged on the clothing rack by the door.

click! ♡

It dawned on him. He finally felt it. The famous click.

Like the moonlight reflected in the river shaking when light rain falls, his heart fluttered too.

The girl he awaited so much finally came to find him.

.

♡

.

Please support the artists!

Double Trouble Performance: [더블 트러블 무대 풀버전] 태일(블락비)X공민지 - 말하자면 - YouTube

Minzy new single: MINZY (공민지) - 기깔나 Fantabulous MV - YouTube

My fave Taeil song: 태일 (TAEIL) - 흔들린다 (Inspiring) (Prod. By 40) MV - YouTube

♡

masterlist

[darawonplease]

The rush.

The one that makes you wish you had three or four copies of you running around to get all finished.

The one that makes you live three completely different lives in the span of one.

A rush so good it reminds you how good it is to inhale the icy winter air until it stings your lungs.

I fed off of that rush, wondering if it would last.

✵ ch. 6 – maybe it took over.

「 ☾ Ian's POV?」

I finally took time to admire the everchanging colours of the sky: the warm sunrise that scanned time gradually became a pale shade of purple.

Routinely morning runs made me immune to the frigid November weather.

Nothing was better than clearing my thoughts with the view of the deserted shores of Han River, a feeling only rivalled by a motorbike ride.

I’ve always thought that being too busy was better than having too much time to overthink.

+

.

I brushed my hair up with my fingers to improve my focus. They had reached the point in which they almost became a hassle. I had almost convinced myself to cut them, just like some girls do after a breakup, but somehow it felt right to keep.

.

On a thin balance between peace and adrenaline, the oxymoron between the two statuses just made sense to me. That’s what I was on for a month.

Once on a streak, nothing could stop me.

I was high on life.

.

✵ ✵ ✵

.

“You’re early today too!”, Cream shouted from the studio entrance.

Admittedly, the neon yellow running shoes lying at the front door immediately gave out my presence.

.

Quietly, he took place beside me, curiosity getting the best out of him as he spied on the open project on my monitor.

“Put them on, I worked on this piece last night”, I handed him the black headphones as I checked the workspace one last time before playing the track.

.

With melody and lyrics already engraved in my brain, I limited myself to analyzing Cream’s subtle change in expressions, trying to get the most subtle hints of feedback.

.

His head surfed on the rhythm, not skipping a beat, proving again, how much of a musical genius he was.

“This is the song that gave you a hard time for months, right?”.

“That’s her”, I replied.

“I almost failed to recognize it, it’s been a long time. Didn’t think you’d manage to complete it, you’re finally out of your slump I se-“, Cream bit his lower lip, realizing he should’ve cut himself off sooner.

He perfectly knew how sensitive I was when talking about the creative block I suffered upon our return from Santorini.

“Well…Ian, that’s crazy good”, he removed the headphones from his ears, clearing his voice to dilute the slight tension in the air.

“What if we added an orchestra part, here and here”, I pointed out at the track timeline on the bright screen.

.

A firm knock stopped the creative flow that was about to be freed in the humble little studio.

Scott’s familiar figure appeared behind the tinted glass door.

“Sorry to bother you guys. The clients are here”.

.

✵

.

“Now, we could include some flashes of colours between this scene and the pool one to give more visual interest. Blue represents solitude and red expresses the passionate memories of him and his lovers”, I walked back and forth in front of the large slideshow projected on the wall behind me.

“That’s interesting. Keep developing the storyboard with this logic in mind then. We’ll brief next week to get started on the production If you agree”.

The lights turned on and the client representative gave us a gentle nod before exiting the conference room.

.

Scott appeared in the corner of my eye with a pleased grin plastered on his face.

“Believe it or not but they’ve rejected all of our inputs before you took on the project”, he started to gather and organize the various storyboards scattered around the long white conference table.

I glanced at him, reactionless.

“Well done Ian, that’s what I meant”.

.

✵ ✵ ✵

.

Things finally seemed to fall in place before my eyes.

The flashes and memories of the old Ian had to be just that, fleeting visions I soon planned to remove.

A cage. The four walls I called home became that, a place I was constantly reminded of the old me.

The Christian who’s a loser, who’s weak, who relies on others to stay afloat.

That’s why I tried to stay out of it whenever I could.

“What a useless fucker”.

I locked him in the past, dissociating myself from his failure and feeding onto the pity I felt for him to strive further.

.

✵✵✵

.

The pub’s invasive music had started to sound a bit like white noise.

Somehow, I managed to escape to a safe haven, the nasty bathroom at the back of the pub.

I washed my face in front of the yellow tinted mirror. There, a proud grin plastered on my lips I just couldn’t remove. Satisfaction took the form of a proud unremovable smirk on my lips.

.

But something was missing. The night would’ve been wasted having to drag Cream home.

The dimples behind her back became a constant image at the back of my brain like an intrusive thought.

.

[you]

You up?

I wanna see you.

.

I had to admit, seeing my messages pile up one on top of another without reply hurt my ego, just a little.

“Ian, come here! Get your shot, quick”, Dabin nudged at me, taking me back to the table’s conversation.

.

“To DPR’s rise from ashes!”, Scott raised a toast and we followed closely, loud glass clinking left and right.

.

By surprise, I felt his hand wrapping around my shoulder, as a comradery gesture.

“I want to personally thank Christian for working extra hard, I’m grateful a great mind like you is on our team. It’s great to have you back”.

“Yes!”. “Well done!”.  “You’re the man Ian!”.

A choir of unanimous agreement rose up. I was surrounded by genuine smiles and validation.

.

The bitter liquor went down smoothly like water, I posed the shot glass onto the mahogany counter.

“Have you guys heard from Chae?”. Scott’s seemingly harmless question completely changed the direction of the conversation.

“I haven’t heard from her since our trip in Greece”, Dabin was the first to answer.

Scott slid his phone across the table, the bold title of the article took up one third of the bright screen.

.

“CL CONFIRMS DEPARTURE FROM ** ENTERTAINMENT”.

.

I immediately thought about the calls I ignored with such ease and shut my lips tight.

“I’m sure she left for LA so urgently to have one last fighting chance”, the expression under Scott’s baseball cap darkened.

“She must be devastated…”.

“I’ll get going guys”, I announced.

“You always leave when things just get started…”, Cream whined.

“Is it because of diner girl?”.

Dabin paused for a second, waiting for the reaction he hoped to cause.

The imperceptible grin under my wisp couldn’t escape his vigil eyes.

He continued, “It is! Yeah guys, leave him celebrate in his girl’s warm embrace!”.

.

I made my way out in the middle of the mixed reactions Dabin provoked.

.

✵

.

The first signs of intoxication appeared with the wobbly sidewalk under my feet.

“Damn, you look rough”.

“Oh, do I?”, I raised an eyebrow at the girl sitting on the sidewalk, just a couple of feet further from me.

To me, it seemed like she didn’t lift her eyes from me once since I crossed the exit doors of the place.

“Want water? You look like someone who might need some”.

“Thanks”.

.

Disheartened, I lit the cigarette between my lips as I waited for the girl with green sheets to reply.

“Hey!”, the girl with the striped sweater called for my attention, miming an ignited lighter as she kept the filter of the cigarette she was rolling in the corner of her mouth.

“Here, sure”. My throw was destined to miss the target, which was her hand forming a cup.

Like a volley player, she threw herself all the way towards the flying object, risking having the cold pavement as a safety net.

“Nice throw dude”, she mocked me before huffing.

I glanced again at the phone for the last time.

“Dude, she’s not into you. Cheer up, there’s no reason to be sad for a girl”.

My lack of reaction probably prompted her to change subject.

“I’m keeping this, by the way. Seems like a fair exchange to me”.

“Fair exchange? For that sip of water?”.

“Actually, it’s unfair. You needed the water waay more than I need this lighter”.

A more than satisfied grin made an appearance on her smug face, causing me to scoff.

.

“Ian? I thought you were gone”.

Dabin’s red beanie entered my vision as I turned towards the entrance.

“I’m going over to my friends, nice to meet you, Ian”, she shook the metal zippo, to mock me again before getting swallowed into the young crowd in front of the venue.

.

Dabin quietly peered at the lighter thief and subtly tilted his head on the side, as if in deep thought.

“I swear I’ve seen her before…”, he mumbled.

.

He sat at my feet, on the cold sidewalk. A small cloud of vapor rose as he softly coughed and rubbed his hand together to fight November’s night breeze.

“Do you still remember when we used to dance in the middle of the street?”.

“How can I forget that Dabin…”.

“I used to be such a dumb kid who just moved to Korea. I knew nobody. I felt so lonely”.

“Dabin…”.

“Thank you for being there for me”.

.

✵✵✵

.

The ticking kept going on, mentally keeping me on my toes despite my relaxed appearance.

My throat choked up on the stagnant air of scrapped ideas and rejected drafts.

.

“What are you doing here at this hour?”

Scott struck me with a look of disapproval, but beneath it lied a hint of concern.

“You’re kind of worrying me, Christian. It’s like you don’t go home to sleep anymore”, he continued.

“I just can’t seem to satisfy those motherfuckers”. I finally replied to him.

“I told you, let’s see it together first thing in the morning”, he carefully approached me.

“No. I have to finish this”, my body shielded the monitor from Rem’s advance.

“What you really HAVE to do, is get some sleep. Come on, I’ll drive you home”.

“YOU CAN’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND”.

.

Red streaks filled my vision, and as I blinked away, I saw it.

My hand had Scott’s collar in a grip.

.

“What? Are you going to punch me just like you did with Dabin? Go on. Do so. I won’t simply let it slide as he did”.

I smashed him against the window cabinet, the same cabinet we so painstakingly filled with meaningful props, proofs of our achievements as a team.

Everything crashed down disastrously, years of joy and disappointment buried under the broken shards, now tinted with crimson red.

.

His body dropped heavily as soon as I released the painful grip.

“Just… who are you? I can’t even recognize you Ian”, he didn’t dare look at me.

The answer lied between the glass fragments at my feet; a glimpse of my broken reflection was enough to finally realize it.

“I’m not him”.

.

I slumped against the door, holding the broken bearbrick the DPR guys and Chaerin gifted me for Christmas in my bruised hands.

“What If I go back to the old me tomorrow, what if I leave you on your own again? What If I become useless?”, my nervous fingers let go of the wrecked gift.

“Ian...let’s go home”, Scott implored in between painful groans.

I need to finish that before I…”, I stood up and staggered towards the blurry light of the monitor.

.

“BAROM! REPLY TO ME! OPEN YOUR EYES, COME ON!”.

.

I still can’t seem to remember exactly what happened after the loud thud.

No matter how much I tried to forget you in the past six months.

I just know that as my eyes filled with darkness, I followed a light.

And that light was you, Chaerin-i.

.

✵

.

A high only feels good when it doesn’t last long. Elated, you’re on top of the world. You’re capable of everything.

Then comes the aftermath.

With no warning, the very thing that brought you up so high, drops you into the pits of Earth.

Good luck coming out of it.

.

.

a.n. It took me long enough but it’s here. I must say that the biggest enemy I faced was myself. And although it isn’t coming out as I wished at the very start, I learned to appreciate this fic, with all its flaws and pretty words. This chapter in particular had three or four different drafts that absolutely crushed me. Haha

Hope you like it!

previous chapter. ✵  next chapter. ✵ masterlist

[darawonplease]

Right when Dara was ready to move on from Jiwon, he shows her his charms.

 • chapter 10 – chivalry.

Jaeduck barely saved himself from slipping on the wet path created by Jiwon’s passage.

“Hyung? Did you step out in the rain?”, the rapper giggled, unaware of how his tease perfectly mirrored reality.

Jiwon seemed deaf to any word directed at him. He just casually dried his hair with the first towel he found as he wandered around the waiting room.  

Suwon took a long look at his leader. He easily detected the ever-changing energy of his members to make sure he’d leave the premise if things got ugly. His body froze, sensing a completely different aura from his Hyung.

The youngest squirmed in place, “Why is Jiwon-Hyung s-smiling?”.

Jaejin’s curls peeked from behind the door.

“Someone stole my yellow umbrella!”.

 .

[ … ]

 .

「Dara's POV」

“Our schedules don’t line up anymore! I really wanted to take you to that new jjamppong place that opened near my apartment…”, Hyoni whined right after wiping the cappuccino foam off of her lips.

I remained silent as I nervously stirred the latte macchiato in front of me. My gaze naturally shifted to the large window that allowed a glimpse of the busy Mapo-gu street.

The model let out a sigh, defeated.

 .

“You’re not even listening to me anymore unnie…is there something on your mind?”.

“H-huh? On my mind? Well… my lil bro was cast on a new show! He seems very content, I’m a little worried but I’m sure he’ll do just fin—”.

“You know that’s not what I wanted to know! How are things with Jiwon Oppa?”. Hyoni interrupted me from blabbering more.

“With him?...”.

Of all those crazy happenings I could only picture his intense gaze under the rain.

.

[…]

[ the day of sechskies’ concert ]

 .

“Dara wait!”.

“Y-you…”.

I stuttered at the sight of him.

 .

A furrowed face appeared under the yellow umbrella as he quickly caught his breath from running so hard after me.

“Why are you running in the rain?—… You’ll catch a cold like this”, Jiwon abruptly stopped before a puddle.

 .

His hand gently directed me towards safety; the already small distance between us lessened. The umbrella cast a yellow glow on our faces as I took cover from the pouring rain.

 .

“I was mistaken, all this time”, he diverted his gaze. Right there and then the bold and arrogant Eun Jiwon I knew was nowhere to be found.

 .

There were so many things I would’ve liked to say to his face before that, and not all of them were pretty words.

Yet, the sincerity in his eyes left me petrified. There it was again, the vulnerable side to him.

 .

“I’m sorry”. The difficult words dried his throat, he didn’t seem one to easily admit fault but there he was.  

“Here, take it”, he quickly handed me the umbrella.

“We have a lot of shoots this week, it’d be bad if you got sick”.

 .

I hesitantly grasped the handle, just a feeble ‘thank you’ managed to escape me.

“Take care”.

Jiwon turned around and ran toward the emergency exit he came from, but not before I could catch a glimpse of a soft smile on his lips.

 .

[…]

 .

“Nothing happened, really.  We’re just colleagues”, I briefly explained with a meek smile.

“That’s a pity unnie! I’m tired of men, let’s just marry each other!”.

“No, your snoring is too loud Hyoni-yah!”.

 .

 .

[ show shooting]

 .

“There’s not a moment to waste Sandara-ssi! Get your mic fixed, I have to apologize to Cho-PD for being late!”, Wonjun commanded me as he strode through the parking lot like a fury, four or five bags dangling heavily on his limbs.

As standard procedure a small crowd of professionals immediately formed around me to quickly fix make-up, microphone, and outfit.

 .

I reached my rumbling stomach with a hand; I totally forgot about grabbing lunch in the midst of the rush.

Empty takeout boxes were stacked up in a corner over a stained paper tablecloth.  The large buffet table hidden behind a production van resembled a stadium after the concert has ended: full of signs of people’s passage but ultimately desolate.

 .

That feeling was so painfully familiar: the saliva forming in the mouth when looking at other’s food, resigned at the thought you wouldn’t have any meal after prolonged hours of practice.

Truth was, I signed my trainee contract when that the big and renowned company was situated in a run-down building, with no money to feed the kids that would, one day, become the icons of a generation.

 .

I quickly wiped away any signed of sadness. It was obvious that the mix of nostalgia and pity wouldn’t do me any good right before a variety show.

“It would be so embarrassing if everyone stopped the shooting because my empty stomach growled like Godzilla”. The outrageous thought cheered me up a bit.

 .

“Eat it before it gets cold”. Jiwon almost ordered me with his bold voice, taking me right out of the surreal scenario I was playing in my head.

The savory smell of the meal casually passed by him filled my nose in an instant, magically relieving the ache at the pit of my stomach.

He put the warm takeout box in my hands and fled before I could even show gratitude.

“Oppa’s so unpredictable”, I thought as I sat down, dazed by the mixed feelings he never failed to provoke in me.

But even that unexpected happening couldn’t stop me from devouring the hot jjamppong sitting in front of me. I felt my lips instantly molding into a smile, unsure if what sparked it was the delicious meal or Jiwon’s kindness.

I shook my head once again.  He had to do way more than that to get in my good graces again.

Passing me food wasn’t going to cut it.

 .

「End of  POV」

 .

[…]

 .

「Jiwon POV」

 .

“Take that, idiot!”, I bit my lower lip.

Playing some mobile games right before a shoot always managed to calm my nerves whenever I couldn’t get my hands on a cigarette.

Two guests, the same age as Mino, were sitting just a bit further, in front of me. They had been talking nonsense for a good 15 minutes, but I managed to block all of their conversations until it became white noise to me.

 .

No matter how skilled I was at isolating myself from any external nuisance, I distinctively remember losing my focus in that moment.  It would be a lie if I said I didn’t start to listen to their non-sense until they dropped her name.

 .

“Have you seen Sandara-ssi? She’s even prettier in real life, she’s just so chic”.

 .

The popularity she had was no joke. Even amongst famous people, she was the celebrity of celebrities.

A smirk crept up on my lips, if only they knew how clumsy she was, how goofily she stumbled on her words and how silly she became after a few drops of alcohol or getting a little comfortable.

People seemed to look at her as if she was a doll locked inside her plastic packaging, only capable of admiring what was shown upfront; that wasn’t hard, anyone with eyes could see that. She was more than her fresh visuals.

“I used to think just that too”, my hypocrisy dawned on me. I judged her too before getting to know her.

Somehow, I felt grateful for taking a glimpse at the real Dara.

 .

“She might be pretty, but I heard she’s a bit of a slut. She’s easy like that”, mushroom-head leaned towards his friend and carefully whispered that trash rumor.

 .

“Mind your own business”.

I stood up and, with no hesitation, the muscles around my mouth moved before I could even think.

Gossips and hearsay weren’t my style at all, and their filthy words made the veins on my forehead swell.

 .

“Y-yes Hyung”, One of the men apologized, uselessly bowing with his head.

 .

hyung my ass.

 .

My ears had enough of that bullshit, I stormed off to look for Dohyun.

“He’s an old geezer, don’t mind him”. I grasped their final comments with the super-hearing skill I finessed with years of variety shows.

 .

old geezer? you’ll see, punk

 .

“I want to get closer to her, let’s pick her in our team”, that fool continued.

“I won’t let them hurt her”, I promised myself.

.

.

previous chapter.  ⋆  next chapter.  ⋆ masterlist.

[darawonplease]

✵ ch.5 – thnx.

「 ✵Chaerin's POV」

I had lost count of the gorgeous women I've seen him intertwining hands with.

Jiyong blew them off like birthday candles; with extreme ease. One by one, week to week, month to month. He swore he was in love with them but he was quick to forget about the lover of the week whenever I came around. Like a sunflower, I only looked at the unreachable Sun, dependent on his warm light.

.

His hands scorched the cheeks reddened by those sweet nothings.

"You're the only one who really gets me".

Those words cast a spell on me, capable of dissipating the soul-eating guilt chasing me. Like a fool, I believed I could change him, just because I felt special.

.

When I rested my eyes, I recalled the tender embraces, the carefree getaways and the passionate moments first, as if he wasn't the culprit of the heartbreak I hopelessly tried to go through for years.

.

Thank you for the irreplaceable memories, Jiyong.

Thank you for the heartbreak.

.

.

I witnessed the ash slowly falling off from the stick and crashing onto the incense holder, its fragrant aroma gave some relief to my exhausted mind.

Hours and hours of negotiations ended in nothing; those technicalities only gave me giant headaches.

In the incessant run towards my goals, I found myself last. No matter how much I worked for it, it was always out of my reach. And just as if woken up from a nightmare, I found myself in a place whose comfort was just a distant memory. Its familiarity becoming sticky tar for my wings.

.

I busted the windows wide open; the stagnant air irked my nostrils. A deep breath was what I needed to gather the resolution I so desperately needed. Focusing on the distant lit buildings on the horizon, I let my thoughts wander. Despite being in the privacy of that hotel room, tears wouldn't flow freely, blocked by an insuperable wall of frustration.

With the tips of my fingers, i brushed my chest. The ache was still acute, rooted deeply inside of me.

All the memorable moments, hardships, laughs and happy memories. Everything good had to be thrown away along with regrets and missed opportunities. Nobody could give me back those miserable years I spent wondering if I was the problem, If I could make it all work and if I was even enough.

Like a stain on my favorite shirt, I just couldn't throw it all away.

My skin crawled at the thought of free-falling, of making myself vulnerable to failure again. Blinded by love and loyalty, I found myself betrayed.

.

I wouldn't let anyone else let me down like that again. With newfound courage, I finally made my decision.

"Hello. Yes. Please communicate to them that I no longer want to renew my contract with the company. Thank you, Ashley". The phone bounced at the feet of my bed after the sound of the call closing.

I should've felt victorious but, in my mouth, I couldn't taste any sweetness.

"Are you okay?", Harin's head popped behind the ajar door. Her sudden appearance took me back to reality.

"I did what I had to", I evaded the question. My gaze remained fixed on the buildings kissed by the warm sunlight. Deep down, I feared that if I turned around to look at her, I would've broken into a thousand million pieces.

The fragile Chaerin had no room in a life where people look up to the bold CL. I didn't allow myself to look vulnerable, like an irrational fear, I lived pretending to be unscathed. I picked up somebody else's pieces, but I wasn't sure If someone else was there to pick up mines.

"You don't have to go through this alone again. This is the start of a new chapter", my baby sis offered me comfort by slowly stroking my back. I just knew she smiled through her reassuring words.

She left the room, shortly after. My silence probably signaled to her that I needed some alone time.

.

I released myself on the soft duvet and noticed that the incense stick had finished burning. Restless, I turned around and faced the wall. Harin's preaching sparked something in me.

As I shut my eyelids, I immediately recalled that cold night. is accepting embrace gave me a novel feeling of safety. It was so genuine and unexpected, it made me forget for a moment the duty of keeping the CL mask on. Maybe opening up wasn't so bad with some people. The guys at DPR were friends I could trust with my life.

Time flew by so fast, I just realized six months had passed since the trip to Santorini.

Dialing that number right after promising myself to be more independent was like swimming upstream but I quickly resigned myself; he was probably the only person to be up in Korea at that hour.

The pauses after each and every ring back made my curiosity grow. In my mind, I prepared the list of stuff I wanted to know from him since our goodbye in Greece. How was he? Did he grow his hair as promised? Did he get rid of that stupid chair in his studio?

.

"The number you have dialed is currently unavailable. Please try again later".

.

The operator's cold voice reverberated in the dead-quiet hotel room.

"What did I expect? It's 4AM in Korea", I chuckled at myself. I was being too optimistic.

Perhaps Ian had finally fixed his strange sleeping habits. Maybe he was sleeping. Maybe he was busy composing.

Despite all the reasonable justifications, I couldn't help but feel abandoned.

With a quick glance at the messages, I noticed we had stopped talking since I left for LA.

Must admit, a wild thought had jumped at the back of my head. What if he didn't want to talk to me?

"No, he'll surely call me back first thing in the morning", I immediately reassured myself, kicking those negative theories out of my system.

.

I measured my anguish by the number of calls that didn't go through.

Three.

.

I waited all day for you to call me back but you never did, Christian.

.

.

a.n. I really wanted to focus more on the counterpart of this story. Chaerin. That's why I decided to write shorter chapters. Is it angsty enough? I hope so. I have the next chapter to revise but it's nice to recover my footing. This fic is so meaningful to me. Thank you so much for the supportive comments, those encouraged me to spare some time to keep writing. We're getting nearer to the key part of this whole journey, hope you are ready! 

.

previous chapter. ✵  next chapter. ✵ masterlist

[darawonplease]

⭒ dear mr. Insanity [one shot]

Chaerin and Ian have been hanging out for a while now but she just can't figure out if the interest goes both ways. He leaves her living room as soon as the ending credits roll but one day she finally decides to change the course of the night.

characters: Christian Yu x Chaerin Lee

"We're just seeing each other, it's nothing really"— that was your standard reply every time your friends started investigating the foolish smiles you casually threw at your phone.

It was like that indeed, you had been hanging out with the people at the DPR label for quite a while and still couldn't or didn't want to define what was developing between you and Christian.

Of course, you had exchanged some fleeting gazes, it seemed as if everyone else could see the sparks except the both of you.

He was a mesmerizing human puzzle.

It seemed like you knew everything and nothing at the same time and that made you go out of your mind.

All the songs you listened to reminded you of him and these sneaky tricks your mind played made you unusually careful around him.

.

.

You were halfway through the movie, but your thoughts were elsewhere.

That was the third or fourth time you hung out alone at your place and you just started to think that maybe— just maybe, he simply was a movie enthusiast in search for company, although it was quite unrealistic he thought you had the same sublime taste as him.

Nothing ever happened apart from some very witty comments he left here and there on the composition and colours of the scene. With a slow nod, you pretended to fully understand his argument, but after all, you were the person under the flashing lights, not behind the camera like him.

Christian wasn't the talkative one when you hung out altogether with Dabin and Scott but when it came to his area of expertise it seemed like he could talk for hours without halting, you could literally feel his burning passion through his enthusiasm. You really couldn't help but fall for his charisma.

"So— how was it?".

He turned around to look at you, the credits now rolling on the large screen in front of the couch.

You recomposed yourself, his question was simple, but you just realized that you had spent the last portion of the movie sorting out your feelings for the guy on your couch and his quirky way of expressing outlandish ideas.

Your eyes naturally laid on the clock over his head.

"Gosh—it's so late already", you exclaimed.

"Shit, you're right. I should head home", Christian quickly collected all of his stuff and clumsily put on a pair of Adidas at the entrance of your flat.

"It seems like you're dying to get out of here", you mocked him.

"I should let you rest; I've bothered you enough for today", he chuckled, his dimples making an appearance on his flushed cheeks.

"Well, see you around then", you waved at him right before closing the door.

The night was about to go down just like the ones before that: stuck in an endless loop of maybes and ambiguous looks. No resolution, just a slow tease.

You hated how much it gave you to think. What if he really was a cinephile? Did you really want to know if that feeling went both ways?

The unfamiliar leather jacket still hung on the rack caught your eye. You quickly figured out he forgot to grab it.

You quickly opened the door, perhaps you were still in time to stop the clumsy guy.

"Wait Ian!".

His fluffy locks bounced on the tan skin as he turned around, "Huh? Did I forget something?".

Clueless, Christian hurried back to your doorstep.

"What is it?, he rested his hand at the top of the doorframe and leaned onto you.

"Your jacket", you playfully wiggled it in your hand.

"Shit— that's mine, isn't it?". He uselessly hid his face against his arm in embarrassment.

"It really is", you mocked him.

The two of you looked at each other, incapable of saying the next word.

The uncomfortable silence clearly spoke for itself, heightening the tension forming between the two of you.

"Well, I'll get going".

"Have a good night". He disappeared behind the door again.

Your hand couldn't let go of the handle. You opened the door one more time, suddenly invested by some unknown courage.

"Stay".

You caught the hint of surprise in his eyes, widened by your unexpected request. His brows furrowed slightly as he searched for elucidation.

"I'm tired of hoping you'd stay", you followed up.

He looked straight at you. It seemed like he was aware of how much of a sucker you were for his deep brown eyes.

His gaze slowly shifted on your lips. Now, was he still just a movie enthusiast?

Your lips gently brushed, he smiled softly as you grabbed his arms, leading him inside your flat.

Ian swiftly closed the door behind you two.

"I've been wanting to kiss you for too long", he confessed letting out a chuckle.

Ian's big hands reached your cheek. You were surprised by the softness of his skin. His touch was gentle, just like his demeanour.

"Then do it, dummy".

He didn't even hide the smirk on his lips before kissing you again, this time with more pressure; his intentions clear as day.

Ian perfectly followed your lead, matching your intensity with mastery. Your mind was about to melt, how could a simple kiss make someone feel so elated?

Just how could you rob yourself of his lips for all this time? You felt dumb for missing out on all of those chances.

His thumb caressed your ear as the two of you slowly moved against the blank wall of the hallway.

"I'm sorry miss, I'm afraid I won't let you rest tonight", he whispered into your ear with his raspy voice, drowning you in a shower of unspeakable fantasies.

The goofy guy you had spent so much time with had just pinned you against the wall, his tongue slowly drawing wet circles on your sensitive neck.

Your fingers unknowingly gripped onto his black shirt as your mind slowly melted away only to be interrupted.

"Are you really okay with this?", he carefully distanced himself, making sure you were comfortable again.

"I super-am, dummy".

.

.

!! here another CLxDPRIAN that might interest you ✵ polaris , it’s still on-going. The genre is romance/angst.

a.n. Since I'm stuck with the completion of 'polaris' I thought I might just give a chance to a light chaerian one-shot. I took some inspiration from "Dear Mrs. Insanity" and "Do I Wanna Know" lyrics and just went on from there.

[darawonplease]

“Christian…?”.

Her disgruntled expression just couldn’t hide her shock, and how could I blame her? At her feet stood a week of chaos and basking in despair, the turmoil made my studio unrecognizable to the eyes of whoever wasn’t me.

Chae didn’t question me further and immediately picked up the empty bottles scattered on the floor.

“Can you give me a hand?”, she let through a meek smile as she shook a brown bottle of Asahi.

I stood up from the floor, my vision getting fuzzy as I helplessly staggered through the living room before falling on my side.

“Barom! Are you okay? Answer me!”. She kneeled beside me and shook my shoulders, just before my vision turned black.

“He must be exhausted”.

“I’m sorry I had to call you, Dabin”.

“It was an emergency, I had to come. Don’t worry about that”.

I wondered why waking up had become such a painful surprise.

I rubbed my eyes with a hand and slowly stood up letting out a heavy sigh.

“Well, the prince is up!”, I was welcomed to my senses by Dabin’s half-smile.

Chaerin was crouching beside him, her shoulders rose slightly as she let out a gentle sigh of relief.

Her eyes were coloured in the sweetest shade of hazelnut. Her presence felt like home.

✵

I looked at the mess in my apartment one last time before closing the door behind me. Maybe I hoped for her to come back and help me tidy up just like she did at that time at the studio.

What a fool.

I had yet to learn how to get up without her.

“Ian, move your ass!”.

.

.

✵ ch.4 – i’m doing fine.

.

「 ✵Chaerin’s POV」

“I’m afraid we’ll have to make you waitfor a bit sweetie”.

It started like a script, a broken record the CEO would sell me to have me shut up for a moment.

.

It was never a good enough time for anything, apparently.

.

Nobody would ever blame me for reaching for the stars at the peak of my years, instead, I wasted my youth getting rejected once and once again. I missed recording music in that old and stuffy studio back in Seoul.

To this day I still don’t know why I tolerated such mistreatment. I’d never craved agency over my own damn life like in that very moment.

.

“Ian, what do you think?”, I turned the swivel chair to the back of the room in search of validation.

“Cherry honey, I’m sorry but I ain’t that cute friend of yours”, Matthew raised his brow, his gaze still locked onto his phone.

“Gosh— Sorry! I just don’t know what’s up with me lately”.

“Something tells me you’d rather be with this ‘Ian guy’ right now ha-”.

“It’s just that… it’s like he always knows what’s missing in a track, you know? He knows exactly how to complete them”.

“If you say so”, he giggled.

.

The large window that ran through the perimeter of the studio allowed a complete view of the foreign yet beautiful city.

There were days nostalgia would hit me more than others, tempting me to return to my nest, South Korea.

Yet, a lot of heartbreak was awaiting me there.

.

“I might go crazy”.

The friend on the couch finally lifted his eyes, “What’s up with you, hun?”

.

I still can't define exactly what I felt that night. Envy? Jealousy? Melancholy?

Rage and desire mixed up inside of my stomach until it all exploded. Hot tears drew two wet paths on my red cheeks, dripping onto my thighs.

.

“I just-…I can’t do this anymore”.

.

.

「 ☽ Ian's POV」

I stopped looking for comfort in her smile.

“She’s hanging out with the big shots lately”, Dabin took a peek from above my shoulder.

A forced smile was all I could come up with, I scrolled past her social media updates. At least she was doing fine.

.

Scott barged into the common room with an exaggerated smug face.

“I didn’t know the waitress at the diner was your type Ian”, he placed his stuff on the couch.

Cream laughed, “The one with the bangs? Damn, Ian”.

“What happened to the girl you introduced to me last week, Chloe, right?”.

The sudden interrogation scene was just shy of a spotlight pointed at my damn face.

“You know what? You guys ask too many fucking questions”, I rolled my eyes in frustration.

“We’re just happy you’re back”, the eldest patted my thigh as he sat beside me with a warm paternal smile.

“Just take it slow casanova, the world won’t end tomorrow”.

“Whatever..”.

.

.

I heaved a thankful sigh, the sight of my studio desk gave me a profound sense of security.

I brushed the keyboards with my fingertips, I could finally lose myself in the music, that long month in the darkness made me come up with a multitude of sounds and lyrics I couldn't wait to work on.

♪

Hey girl, I heard you leaving town

Hey girl, it might’ve worked somehow

Hi, how you doin?

I heard you seem to be happy now

Don’t worry ‘bout me ‘cause i’m doing fine

♪

.

✵

.

The continuous clicking of the mouse became my own equivalent to silence.

“There’s a limit to the extra hours I can put in your paycheck, you know that right?”.

I kept my eyes on the bright monitor in front of me, not even bothering to turn around and greet Scott.

“I just wanted to get started on some stuff”.

“Yeah, but it’s 3 AM and you’re still in the spot I left you when I went home yesterday”, he rummaged in the top drawer of my workstation.

“I’m fine, that’s the least I can do after all”.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, things are getting better already. You can do that tomorrow morning, okay Ian?”.

.

He triumphantly raised a chunky hard disk, its cable still entangled amongst other things.

“I have to hand in this tomorrow morning, and I totally forgot I left it in here. Ah- I won't pay you, so go home already, understood?”, he nicely reminded me before disappearing behind the opaque glass door.

.

I took out the packet and pushed a cig between my lips, the third hit on the lighter turned the new bad habit into vice; Winston’s butts piled up in the improvised paper ashtray I shoved at the side of the laptop.

.

.

My heart pounded inside my chest as I aimlessly navigated Seoul's empty streets.

.

.

Thoughts were as messy as that girl’s bedroom.

“You can’t just show up at my place in the middle of the night all the time, you know I have to open the diner in the morning”.

“I’ll help you clean up the place then”, I joked.

“Stop it with the non-sense”, her lips met mine: she sure had her own way of shutting me up.

There wasn't any attempt to hide the urgency on her part. She shoved me onto her own bed, initiating things immediately.

.

Something about her warmth gave me so much comfort, even if temporarily. Like a burning match quickly turning into ashes. Guilt wasn’t in my system as we both perfectly knew we were using each other to get away from boredom, sadness, and longing.

When things were done, we often found each other turning our backs to one another. In that large bed with green sheets, we were strangers once again.

.

That was just something I started to get accustomed to, the unsatisfying view of the dawn from her small apartment.

She fixed the bangs framing her round face before leaning towards my lighter with her pale cigarette.

“This is the last time we’re doing this, we’re strangers from now on”.

Unfazed, I inhaled the hot smoke. What a relief.  Altough I barely even remembered her name, her features had started to become too familiar for my liking.

"It's for the best".

.

.

A notification appeared, like a beacon in the darkness. Unconcerned with the whats and whys, I silenced and flipped the phone on the nightstand. I couldn’t care less, or better: I didn’t want to care anymore.

She was doing fine anyway.

.

「 chaerin-i: 3 missed calls」

.

.

.

an. It's been literally 8 months since I last updated this, at one point i just thought "fuck it" and wrote until something semi-decent came out. I'm still getting used to writing again but I hope you're still invested in these characters as I am!

.

previous chapter. ✵  next chapter. ✵ masterlist

[darawonplease]

trauma. ch9 – wrong judgment.

Dara and Jiwon are ordered to spend more time together by YG sajang-nim himself. Jiwon finally learns the truth about that night.

chapter 9 - wrong judgment.

a.n. I feel bad making the characters go through such hardships and drama, I know you all want them to be happy (together or not). I initially thought of this series to have a k-drama tone to it, it might get frustrating, but I promise you I’ll try to be more light-handed and give more space for them to shine so that we can actually root for them.

[3 days before the script read-through]

「Dara's POV」

I took a sip from the cup of tea, maybe I was hoping to escape from Chae’s questions, truth was I was too embarrassed to explain the whole situation to her. How could I when I just couldn’t make sense out of it myself?

She lived at 500 thousand miles of distance from me, but her boiling rage could be felt through the cluster of pixels of our unstable videocall.

.

“Just explain it to me so that I can understand it right, he literally said you tricked him into going out? Is he out of his mind? What a lunatic bastard!”, Chae nervously pet Pudding In an attempt to calm her nerves but the poor cat didn’t seem to be interested in that sudden display of affection, eager to be left on the floor.

I left the reg mug on the countertop as I whined at my phone, “I don’t know Chaerin-ah~ He literally said I did all of ‘that’ just to go with him”,

“What does he mean by ‘that’ anyways? Did you ask for explanations?”.

“I meant to ask him but we were interrupted by his manager and despite that… I don’t dare to ask him anything at this point!”.

“Unnie, you shouldn’t receive accusation without defending yourself! As if you forced him to go out with you! The nerve to accuse you like that! I told you, men only give headaches!”.

“He really looked disappointed tho…”.

“Stop defending him, you should start defending your feelings, first that selfish idiot of ji, then that opportunistic actor and now this compulsive liar of Jiwon oppa? You seem to attract bad men only”, she concluded.

.

[…]

.

“I told you, I predicted Jiwon oppa’s love-life will be troublesome as he’s always surrounded by women! Better stay away from men like that*”. Narae commented as she checked the colorful design the nail tech was executing.

(* //On an old tv program, an 18y/o Narae, pretended to be a shaman and predicted Eun Jiwon to always be surrounded by women, making his love life messy and troublesome.)

I glanced at the selca we shot at the tent bar, I just couldn’t take my eyes off from his eye-smile and his slightly flushed cheeks. He usually carried around a brooding look, that’s why the cheeky smirk on his face felt so much unlike him. Perhaps, that’s how the real Jiwon looked. Well, how could I know anyway? I knew nothing of him.

It seemed as if I had told him everything of me and yet, I really knew nothing of him outside his career. Our relationship was one-sided from the very start.

(//refer to chapter 3)

.

“I preferred it when you didn’t even look my way”, I sighed.

For once, I thought I became mature when it came to love. For once I knew what was better for me, I knew I had to keep distances, admiring him from afar to avoid hurting myself, not to ruin the perfect image I had of him. Just like a majestic fire, I got too close and got burned.

I almost surrendered at the thought, “He must really hate me right now, doesn’t he? Was I a fool for believing there was something between the two of us?”.

Some part of me didn’t want to blame him although his scenario didn’t look any different from the disappointing ones I had experienced before. He seemed different, but then again, the other all seemed different when I first met them. “Stupid me! How come I fell for that again!”.

I finally understood that I had to give up all my feelings for him at once to protect my heart. I had to go back to admiring him as a junior. No fantasising, no assuming.

How I wished I could’ve avoided him just enough to heal my broken heart, yet he kept appearing in front of me.

Why was fate so cruel to me?

「End of  POV」

.

[…]

.

[The day after the script read-through]

.

“Come on Hyung, I promised the others you’d come”, Mino whined on the phone, working his best aegyo against an uninterested Jiwon on the other side of the line.

“Is Seungyoon-ie coming?”, he sighed before asking.

“I told you, all members are coming, we’re going to eat barbeque right after-…I’ll pay”.

Jiwon had planned a long session of World of Warcraft for the night, but his favorite junior’s insistencies and a good free meal were good enough for a change of plan.

“Send me the address”, he surrendered before closing the call.

.

.

Jiwon lazily sat beside Mino once arrived at the Karaoke place, immediately resting his tired body on the red cushions.

“Oh no”, the hoobae thought to himself at the sight of Jiwon’s eyelids slightly closing.

“Hyung, choose something to sing while we wait for Seungyoon-ie!”, Mino quickly shoved the music book on Jiwon’s lap, he perfectly knew that he’d be capable of sleeping right there and then and there was no way in hell all four members of Winner wanted to lift his dead-weight again out of the room.

“Hi guys!”, a female voice could be heard from behind his back.

“This can’t be it”, Jiwon cursed Mino with his eyes.

“Dara unnie! You finally came!”, Jinu exhorted as he made his way to go hug her.

“I’m going”, Jiwon immediately stood up only to be stopped by Hoon’s arm, “You just got here Hyung! Where are you going?”.

He silently sighed and sat down again,“Why didn’t you tell me she was coming too?”, Jiwon lightly slapped Mino’s arm with the back of his hand to catch his attention. He wasn’t ready to face her, not when he had such mixed feelings in her regards.

Mino tilted his head, “Eh? Why? Is anything wrong?”.

“No, nothing”, Jiwon’s expression was gloomier than ever.

He secretly threw a glance at her. She looked melancholic, no matter how much she tried to conceal it around Winner.

“Dara Nuna? Is everything ok? Why the pouty face?”, Jinu didn’t take long to actually notice, he wasn’t her cherished dongsaeng for no reason.

“Huh? Did YG sajang-nim scold you?”.

“N-no it’s nothing like that, I’m okay, I swear you guys! Come on let’s sing”.

Jiwon glanced at her for a second too long,  she sure sucked at concealing her true feelings.

.

[…]

.

[Jiwon’s solo mv shooting – DAY1]

.

“You clearly told me about your feelings the other day, since we’re professionals let’s just pretend it never happened and get it over with. I won’t bother you anymore so don’t get in my way either”.

The coldness in her tone took Jiwon by surprise, there was something different about her that day. It seemed as if he could see his own self reflected onto her. Cold, unreachable, stoic. Being on the receiving end sure felt hurtful.

How could such a phrase be told by her gentle cherry pink lips? The melancholic expression he had seen on her at the karaoke room completely vanished, replaced by an emotionless glance that somehow felt aggressive.  

“Sure”, he pierced her through with the same energy but that didn’t seem to faze her at all.

.

.

“CUT! That didn’t seem right, let’s do it again!”.

The stylist hurriedly fixed their hair before disappearing behind the film director.

“Ok, now get closer, slowly!”.

Jiwon cupped Dara’s cheek, shifting his weight on his right hand as he carefully descended into the velvety couch she was laying on. Their eyes met for a few seconds before Dara panicked, scattering her attention anywhere but on Jiwon.

.

“CUT!”, film director Kim yelled.

The managers looked at each other, concerned by the grim expression on Mr. Kim’s face.

“This is no good, why can’t I feel the chemistry between the two leads? When you interact, I feel uncomfortable too!”.

“I apologize, Director Kim! I’ll try harder!”, Dara quickly bowed with her head.

“Let’s switch to the individual shots, quicky!”.

.

[...]

.

Director Kim trapped the managers in an empty spot of the set.

“Dohyun-ssi, Wonjun-ssi, I’ve called you here because I think we made a mistake casting Miss Sandara for the female role, I thought Mr. Yang chose her because of their strong affinity but it just feels like they’re worse than enemies on screen! This won’t work, we need to recast someone else, I won’t put up with this again!”.

“Mr. Kim, I wish I could avoid putting you in an uncomfortable spot but… please look at this”, Dohyun raised his phone, showing the main Naver page, his gaze purposely avoiding the director’s.

“Sandara Park confirmed an appearance on Eun Jiwon’s solo M/V”

“Huh? This is not good, this is terrible! I need have a serious talk with Mr. Yang!”.

.

[…]

.

「Dara's POV」

I couldn’t believe YG Sajang-nim actually convoked me to the 7th floor with him.

I glimpsed at President Yang: the moment he adjusted his old gray cap right after crossing his legs I knew I would be nagged at.

.

“Dara-yah, I thought you were excited to finally work with Jiwon, then why did the director have to complain to me?”.  

“I’m sorry president, I’ll try my best”.

“What’s the problem? You don’t like each other? Why are you seated so far apart from one another?”.

.

maybe because he makes every cell in my body uncomfortable, but I can’t really say that aloud, can I?

.

We exchanged guilty looks and proceeded to silently scoot a bit towards the center of the long sofa that ran through the CEO’s office.

“The scenes looked fine to me though”. Jiwon interjected, scratching the back of his head as he leaned back onto the seat.

“Fine is not enough. If we want this promotion to work it’ll need to look like you two are very close, that’s why I decided to take action with your respective managers”.

.

Dohyun rarely had me wondering about his whereabouts, lately he had been fixing my schedule without informing me, that’s how he agreed to my appearance in Jiwon’s MV without my approval.

-

I nervously started fidgeting, “What do you mean by that President Yang?”.

“They’ll arrange you to participate on the same shows so that you’ll have the time to know one another, become comfortable and also make some public appearance, the shows will air right before and right after the release of Jiwon’s solo album, to increase the public’s interest”.

“I-is that really necessary Mr. President?”, he objected.

.

as if I wanted to spend any more time with you, Mr. Precious.

.

“It wouldn’t have been if you had worked harder on your affinity on screen, but you two left me no choice, It’s decided”.

.

And at that moment I realized, I was done for.

「End of POV」

.

[…]

.

[The day of Sechskies’ concert]

.

“Dara-yah! I didn’t know you came, why didn’t you tell me?”. Suwon immediately sprinted towards the disguised Sandara, the white mask covered her features well and yet- you could really tell her identity because of her unique timid demeanour.

“She’s here too? When will she stop appearing before my very eyes? This is becoming ridiculous”, Jiwon thought as he rolled his eyes away from her image reflected on the mirror right in front of him.

“Was she forced to come here too because the CEO asked us to spend more time together?”. Jiwon couldn’t help but quietly huff alone at the hair-styling station while all the other members and staff were busy smothering Sandara with attention.

“This is the first time I pre-order a ticket by myself, I wasn’t sure how it worked so I waited to tell you, in case the purchase didn’t go through”, she chuckled, slightly embarrassed at her own computer illiteracy.

.

“What? She did it by herself? No way”, Jiwon continued to silently judge her.

.

“Why haven’t you contacted me? The staff would’ve provided you with a VIP ticket for free”, Suwon pointed out after helping her carry a basket to the glass tabletop in the middle of the waiting room.

“It was difficult, but I really wanted to support Sechskies since it’s your last concert for the tour, and also- I’ve recently visited the Philippines, so I decided to bring you something to snack on!”.

.

“Does she ever stop smiling like that? Aren’t her cheeks sore?”, he unknowingly found himself scrutinizing her, all the attention was diverted onto her anyway, why bother ignoring her presence?

.

Dara readily informed the staff that the big basket of Filipino delicacies was there for them to enjoy and proceeded to distribute individual paper bags to each member.

“Here”, she extended her arms and offered one to Jiwon. He glared at her straight away, not averting his gaze for a second.

Her heart was about to jump out from her chest, “Why is he staring so intensely at me?”, she was not sure if that was meant to make her uneasy or was just his way of dealing with people.

“Here you go!”, she forced a smile and immediately dropped the bag in Jiwon’s hands.

.

“That’s very thoughtful of you Dara-yah, you’re the best!”, Jaeduck opened his own with anticipation, clearly moved by that simple considerate act.

Jaejin waved a yellow post-it he had just found and questioned: “Is this note supposed to be here?”.

“Oh- that! I figured a couple of encouraging words would be nice!”, she beamed warmly, making her eyes disappear in two cute half-moons.

Jiwon looked down and casually searched for the piece of paper in question amid the packets of chips and fruits, but failing to find it. His eyebrow twitched a little, why was he so bothered by it? Not that he should really care about a stupid note. But why did everyone receive one but him? Was she being petty out of revenge?

.

Suwon proceeded to attentively read his: “Mine says ‘Thank you for being such a good friend, you improved a lot Suwon-Oppa, fighting!’ ”

“Oh no- don’t read it out loud! It’s embarrassing-… I’ll get going then”.

“I’ll escort you”, Jiwon suddenly stood up and closely followed behind her with a couple of pink hair rollers still attached to his black hair.

.

An awkward silence wrapped the two of them as they silently walked beside one another through the venue hallways.

“You were the one who told me to get it over with. So why are you being so petty to act in such a childish way?”, he stopped in his tracks.

“Did you accompany me just to say this?”. Dara turned around to face him, glaring at him like she never did with anybody else before, “I’m tired of being accused like this, I’m going”, she turned her back on him without hesitation and crossed the door.

.

“That woman is unbelievable”, a growl left Jiwon’s mouth as he angrily stomped back towards the waiting room.

“Oh- look hyung, there’s a sticky note attached to your sole”, Jaeduck pointed out as soon as Jiwon sat down at the styling station.

He lifted his shoe only to find the yellow post-it he was searching for.

.

[Jiwon Oppa fighting! Congrats on your solo debut, enjoy the snacks!]

.

He sighed at the sight of those supporting words. Why did she have to be so kind for? Perhaps he had a hard time accepting she was more mature than him, in fact, it seemed like he was the only one who didn’t “get over it” between the two of them.

.

No, she was the cunning woman who manipulated his friend into helping her orchestrate that date.

“Was she?”, he shook his head. Of course, she was. And yet, this time Jiwon was the one at fault. He had just accused her of something she didn’t do. He felt apologetic, but how could you ask forgiveness for something so irreparable? As he said, some things are better left in pieces or you’ll get hurt fixing them.

Wasn’t that exactly what he was hoping for? That annoying woman would definitely stop bothering him. And yet, he couldn’t accept it.

.

“Come on hyung~ I know you’re trying to keep it a secret, but you’re so obvious, why would you accompany her otherwise?”, Jaeduck interrupted his reflection, playfully nudging his leader to make him spill the beans.

“Suwon-ah, we need to talk”, Jiwon grabbed his member’s arm and dragged him along towards the next room.

.

.

“YOU BASTARD TRAITOR!”. Jiwon’s voice was so powerful that it could be heard through the thick wall separating the two waiting rooms.

“Do you think they’re doing fine hyung?”. Jaeduck tilted his head at Jaejin, slightly concerned for their dear maknae.

“It’s fine as long as we’re not involved”, the rapper chuckled calmly while Jiwon’s voice got louder and louder.

.

“J-jiwon hyung, you’re ruining my stage clothes…”, a droplet of sweat dribbled down Suwon’s forehead as Jiwon didn’t seem to release the grip on his collar any sooner.                                                                                             .

“How could you help her and set me up for that stupid date?!”.

.

(//Poor Suwon-…)

.

“H-help her? What are you talking about hyung?”.

“Just admit it, you bastard! We’ve known each other for 23 years old but you sold me to her!”

“Wait- are you talking about Sandara?”.

“I see you’ve stopped playing dumb Suwon”.

“I just told her to let you loosen up a bit! Why are you so mad for hyung?”, he protected his face with his arms as his last resource, ready to get beaten by the leader, “It’s not even me who sent that message, it was Jaeduck hyung!”. He didn’t hesitate to throw his hyung under the bus.

Jiwon’s fist dangerously got nearer to the maknae’s face.

“N-no Hyung! You must be mistaken, I never helped her go out with you!”, Suwon’s voice cracked under pressure.

.

[after a throughout and embarrassing explanation of the events leading to the misunderstanding…]

.

“How could you even believe we set you up Hyung?”.

“It’s not my fault I kept seeing you huddled up with Sandara at all times”, Jiwon protested, not even looking at him.

“I wasn’t huddled u—wait, have you been spying on us?”.

“I-it’s not like I was spying on you! You two were always in my way!”, the leader complained, scoffing at Suwon’s assumptions although they were in part true.

“You’ve become so diffident throughout the years Hyung, you always feel the need to push everyone away”, Suwon leaned on the wall behind him, a sudden sense of calm and wiseness possessing him, “She’s different, isn’t she?”, he continued.

.

(//Suwon dropping truth bombs is everything we ever wanted)

.

“What are you even talking about…?”, Jiwon nervously rebutted.

“You usually straighten things out with women, you’re upfront If you’re uninterested in them. With her? You even came up with a reason to despise her because you can’t accept the fact you actually like her”.

“L-like her?”, Jiwon was suddenly reminded of how intrusively her face kept appearing in his thoughts, “W-what the fuck are you even talking about?”, a weak murmur came out of his mouths, he was almost embarrassed by how non-confidently he was denying it.

“I’m sure you’ve been acting strange around her because of this”.

Suwon wasn’t wrong, he had been unkind to her, whether in his mind or verbally when she didn’t deserve any of that.

“You sure don’t know Sandara very well, she’s a good and honest person, just be kind to her from now on hyung”, he sighed.

“I-…”.

“Jiwon, Suwon? You’re on stage in 5 minutes!”.

.

[…]

.

「Dara's POV」

I hurriedly got back to my seat, careful to put my disguise on not to be recognized by the fans. I was a yellowkie that day.

The huge led cubes turned fiery red were accompanied by a suspenseful beat that slowly grew, just like the anticipation of the audience.

A figure appeared at the center of the rising platform, hidden by a thick cloud of smoke. My heart skipped a beat, it seemed as if I was catapulted back into the 90s, I wasn’t Sandara Park the celebrity anymore, I felt like the sensible teenager who squirmed at Sechskies’ posters in her room in the Philippines again.

The crescendo stopped, the roaring of the crowd making itself heard. I held my breath for a second until the opening song started.

My place was among the crowd, cheering him from afar. Not on stage with him.

.

♪  I’m dizzy, I’m spinning I wanna close my eyes now I’m dizzy, I’m spinning I’m getting vertigo from thinking about you ♪

[Vertigo – SECHSKIES]

.

I jumped at the beat, waving the lightstick like crazy. If that was the energy I was consuming for the opening song, I wasn’t sure how could I survive the rest of the concert.

.

♪ Like the TV that’s turned off   We’ve ended   But I’m here   What am I waiting for? ♪

.

“We’ve ended, but I’m here. What am I waiting for…?”.

My pace slowed, why did I relate so much with the lyrics? I shook my head to get out all of those intruding thoughts. Why was my heart even acting up?

.

♪ I wanna run away but I’m at the same place every day   My head is about to break from thinking of you ♪

.

I wish there was a switch to turn it off. That wasn’t the right time to start thinking about him again, I just had to enjoy the show. I was there for SECHSKIES, not to feed my sadness over him.

I was left in awe, his energy was explosive. My eyes were naturally drawn to him, there was no point in denying his charisma. He was born to be a star.

.

How I wished I could stand on a stage again. Just wishful thinking. Seeing him perform with such infectious energy reminded me of why I wanted to become a singer in the first place.

Seeing Sechskies perform together made me feel hopeful; no matter how lost I felt. I secretly hoped I could find my own way only to go back to sing with 2NE1.

A small teardrop of joy fell from my eyes as I kept cheering on them.

.

[…]

.

“Dara-yah! Did you have fun?”, Jaeduck enthusiastically asked me as he held my hands.

“Lots of it! I felt like a teenager again~ ”.

Suwon wiped away the sweat on his neck and joined the conversation.

“You’re here! I still can’t believe you managed to make it to our last concert, thank you so much for the support”.

“We’re grabbing dinner with the staff, are you coming Dara-yah?”.

“I-…”, I looked at Jiwon from a distance and squirmed, “I’ll join you next time! I have a shooting tomorrow morning”. I dismissed myself and left after a round of farewells.

.

.

I stepped out of the elevator and caught a glimpse of my red car under the pouring rain. There it was my luck for that day. “If only I had grabbed my umbrella…”, I clutched the hoodie and pushed it onto my head, quickly accepting the idea I’d definitely get drenched wet. I sprinted towards the parking lot, careful to avoid all of the puddles in my way.

“Dara wait!”.

The sloshing sound of steps in the rain followed behind me as I slowly turned around towards the voice calling my name.

“Y-you…?”.

-

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