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[daughterofdescartes]

How to talk about introversion during interviews

It's great that you're aware of your introverted tendencies and how they may come across in interviews. Here's how you can address concerns about being introverted and respond to questions about stress:

Acknowledge Your Introversion: Start by acknowledging that you are introverted or tend to be more quiet in certain situations. This shows self-awareness and honesty, which are valued qualities in candidates.

Highlight Your Strengths: Emphasize the positive aspects of being introverted, such as your ability to listen attentively, think deeply about problems, and work well independently. Explain how your introverted nature enhances your focus, creativity, and ability to contribute thoughtful insights to discussions.

Address Communication Style: Assure the recruiter that while you may be introverted, you are still capable of effective communication. Mention specific strategies you use to overcome any communication challenges, such as preparing talking points in advance, actively listening to others, and asking thoughtful questions.

Discuss Stress Triggers: When asked about what stresses you out, be honest but also focus on how you manage stress effectively. Highlight situations or factors that may cause stress for you, such as time pressure or ambiguity, but then explain how you cope with these challenges. Mention techniques you use to stay calm and focused, such as prioritizing tasks, breaking large projects into smaller steps, or taking breaks to recharge.

Highlight Your Adaptability: Showcase your ability to adapt to different environments and work styles, even if they may not align perfectly with your natural tendencies as an introvert. Provide examples of times when you successfully navigated high-pressure situations or collaborated effectively with diverse teams, demonstrating your resilience and flexibility.

Express Willingness to Learn and Grow: Finally, reassure the recruiter that while you may have certain preferences or tendencies as an introvert, you are open to learning and developing new skills. Emphasize your commitment to personal and professional growth, and your willingness to step outside your comfort zone when necessary to achieve your goals.

By addressing concerns about your introverted nature with honesty, positivity, and confidence, you can alleviate any worries recruiters may have and demonstrate your suitability for the role. Remember to frame your responses in a way that highlights your strengths and your ability to manage stress effectively.

[daughterofdescartes]

Alignment with Company Values: Emphasize your strong ethical mindset and dedication to doing what is right, highlighting how this aligns with the company's values and culture. This demonstrates your potential to uphold the company's standards and contribute positively to its mission.

Passion for Learning and Growth: Showcase your enthusiasm for learning, creativity, and continuous improvement. Discuss specific instances where you've proactively sought out opportunities to expand your knowledge and develop new skills, illustrating your potential to quickly adapt and thrive in new environments.

Analytical and Observational Skills: Highlight your ability to analyze situations and think critically, emphasizing how you leverage these skills to identify opportunities for improvement and solve complex problems. Provide examples of times when your keen observation skills have led to valuable insights or innovative solutions.

Empathy and Collaboration: Discuss your empathetic approach to understanding people's needs and your desire to make a positive impact on others' lives. Highlight your experience working collaboratively in team settings, emphasizing your ability to foster mutual respect and drive joint efforts towards shared goals.

Self-awareness and Growth Mindset: Acknowledge any areas where you may lack experience or expertise, but emphasize your willingness to learn and grow. Discuss how you actively work on improving your time management, organizational skills, and decision-making abilities, demonstrating your commitment to personal and professional development.

Potential for Contribution: Articulate your vision for how you can contribute to the company's success, drawing on your unique strengths and qualities. Share your ideas for how you can add value in the role, whether through creative problem-solving, innovative thinking, or a fresh perspective.

Overall, your profile reflects a combination of integrity, creativity, empathy, and a strong desire for self-improvement, which are all highly valuable traits in any candidate. By effectively communicating these qualities and demonstrating your potential to learn and grow, you can convincingly make the case that you're the right fit for the company, even without extensive experience.

[daughterofdescartes]

my professional self-description

I see myself as a righteous person who always strives to do the right thing. I grew up with a joy to learn, create things and making people laugh. i am naturally observant and love to analyze things.

I often think about people's needs and how I can make things easier for them. At the same time I love thinking critically, analyzing how I can do things better, or think about how I would approach things differently.

I get energy from an environment where there is mutual respect and a place where I can keep learning to improve myself. I love it when joint efforts result in someone having a better day, either by bringing joy or making their day easier.

I often don't feel any urgency until the last crucial moments. Maybe it's a bad habit, but that's just how I work. A sense of urgency is sometimes the only thing that pushes me forward. Without urgency I have to feel an inner drive that makes me want to do that something, like a true enjoyment or an anticipation or curiosity towards a certain result. I of course also find enjoyment from time to time in finishing things early, maybe because I was bored and had nothing else to do and knew exactly what I had to do.

Even with vague plans I do my best to figure out what the briefing asks of me. If something is unclear, I will first try to figure it out by myself, and ask my superior if I understood correctly. I don't need an exaggarated amount of support. I like to work independently, while asking specific questions.

I continuously work on my confidence and communication. Because I first want to figure things out by myself, I sometimes hesitate to ask for help, but throughout the years I realized I can learn something from anyone. I sometimes struggle with making quick decisions, because I want to do what is right, so sometimes I find it hard to know what to prioritize. Further, I want to improve my time management, and organization skills. I am a curious quick-learner, and find fulfillment in watching myself and others evolve towards a positive path.

Righteous and ethical mindset

Innate joy for learning, creating, and humor

Observant with a knack for analysis

Empathetic towards people's needs

Critical thinker who constantly seeks improvement

Thrives in an environment of mutual respect and continuous learning

Energized by collaborative efforts leading to positive outcomes

Works well independently, yet seeks guidance when needed

Focuses on personal growth, confidence, and communication

Struggles with urgency but finds motivation in anticipation or curiosity

Strives for clarity in tasks and willingness to seek clarification

Quick learner with a desire for self-improvement and helping others evolve

Challenges with quick decision-making but prioritizes doing what's right

Aim to enhance time management and organizational skills

[daughterofdescartes]

Restricted: by my ancestors, or by myself?

I really don't understand why I feel like I can't do anything I really want to do.

I often feel clouded by my own insecurites, and what other people will think, or how I compare to others. I get so paralyzed by my own doubts and insecurities that in the end, I never really got to do what I wanted. It's sad and I always feel jealous when I see people of color succeed artistically or creatively. Now I feel stuck with myself, because I never got to develop the creative talents that I wanted, but I'm also not super talented at whatever it is that I pursued (whatever major that in my eyes would be deemed as 'acceptable' to my parents). I've always made half-choices to half-appease my parents, but mostly because I was scared I would never achieve my dreams. That I would never be good enough. When will I be free and truly understand what I want to do in life?

At the beginning of my life, I really wanted to become an illustrator. I loved drawing, people told me I had a talent for it, so I kept doing it. I loved that I was good at it, and I loved the praise. My parents have always been so proud of my creative abilites, until they weren't. One day when I started to talk about my ambitions, all of a sudden, it was no longer good enough. They kept forcing disciplines onto me that I never wanted to master or never took any interest in to begin with. Accounting, computer sciences, skills that would give me "an easy life". Except for web design, maybe I'd like to learn that one day. They always want what's best for me. In the end I don't know anything about what's good for me. I feel so stuck.

Last year, I pursued a one year programme in graphic design and I had a lot of fun. But also a new insecurity started growing. I noticed I was never the best, even though I had hoped that would be the case. People around me had better insights, and seemed to be more talented and skilled with seemingly less effort. I thought shit. This is it. I'm never going to make it. My inferiority complex yet again making excuses, beating my self-esteem to a pulp. At first, I felt motivated to get a job in graphic design, until I realized most people are looking for experienced designers. At this point it feel like I'll never gain experience, because nobody wants to hire me. It's tough. So I kinda gave up.

I have other types of jobs I'm interested in. But the insecurity still gnaws at me. So I figure it must be my mindset that's keeping me stuck. If I never believe in myself, how will I ever prove to myself that I can do it? Prove to others that I'm capable? Idk how. I need to start building up my confidence. Show the world that I am good at what I do. That I have achievements. That I am creative, intelligent, good-humoured, a quick-thinker, and all those positive things. I am not just an insecure mess. I'm more than that. It's time for me start acknowleding what I can do, and stop emphasizing on my can'ts and don'ts and won'ts. What are my cans, do's, and will's?

What do I want? What can I do and offer to this world?

What I know for sure is that I want to help people in any way I can. If I can make one person smile, I'll feel satisfied. I want to help people feel that they matter, so that I can feel that I matter. I want to create things, thinkpieces that provoke thought and emotion. I want to create without feeling guilty about what I should or shouldn't do. I want to create simply because I can. I want to create without anything holding me back, not even my own doubts. So what if I'm not the best? So what if this isn't what my parents want? Why do I let all of this get to me? At the young age of 24? I should be doing whatever the heck I want, wtf.

[daughterofdescartes]

dear friend

maybe somewhere along the way i stopped caring as much, started to lose respect when i felt resentment grow in me. in the end i found our personalities didn't align and it made me doubt the sustainability of our friendship. what i do know is that i at times felt guilty in our friendship. for some reason i felt unimportant, invisible, scared of you, scared of losing your respect too. i felt growing resentment for caring when i was feeling uncared for. maybe it's both our fault, maybe it's no one's fault, i don't want to point fingers anymore.

i'm sorry for having my own life, for losing sight of things, for not being there for you when you needed me. i also had a busy month and was often not in the right mindset to reply to you. i did think of reinitiating contact, but scrapped my message because i thought i was in the right, and that was very childish & stubborn of me. somewhere i was hoping you would've reached out too in that month. ultimately, i didn't make time to reply to you because i was scared, scared of what could become. then that fear turned into indifference. i numbed myself and avoided the problem. i know what i did wasn't right. i hope you can understand where i come from and that i also suffered in this situation. if i knew better, if i knew i had another choice, i wouldn't have bottled up my feelings and exploded.

i understand now in a friendship there must be acceptance of the other. maybe two friends don't always agree with each other, but they still accept the other for who they are. in the friendships i desire, i want mutual appreciation and respect for each other. in the future, i hope to be able to assert my needs better and be more honest and accept you as a whole, the good and the bad.

the statements i made were hurtful, and i should have made amends sooner. i thought you were being defensive, but i see now that you were trying to understand where i was coming from. i'm sorry. in that moment i thought what i said was based on truth, when my words were actually based on my fears. i understand that you now think that i am a bad friend/person for having said all these things to you. i still think you're a good person that deserves good things in her life. i hope you have a great birthday with loved ones. i hope chico gets lots of love and that your relationship with your family can heal. i hope your next internship is a place that fulfills you, a place where people appreciate & accept you for your talents & qualities. i hope you don't take my careless words to heart, or at least know now that i wish to take them back.

[daughterofdescartes]

the entitlement of loneliness

my bf was tired and didn’t seem very interested in what i had to say. it made me feel sad and lonely. of course he can’t help it that he’s tired and needs sleep, so why do i feel this entitlement that he has to pay attention to me and make me happy? maybe i am more selfish in wanting to be loved, maybe my desire to be loved is stronger than to love. what is it that really drives me to love another person?  

my hunger for love and attention sometimes feels like it will never be curbed. why am i so greedy when i already know that i am loved? i feel disturbed by the fact that i can be so selfish & entitled. my boyfriend doesn’t owe it to me to be there for me whenever i need him. he’s just another person trying to live his life. 

i should learn to be more independent and be there for myself. but if i am finally independent, what is the need for other people then? if i don’t need anyone for emotional support but myself, why have friends or lovers? i don’t get it... how does one balance independence and dependence? 

[daughterofdescartes]

Guide to becoming assertive

- say 'i want this' 'i don't want ...', 

- say ‘i feel/think/believe that ...’

- you have a right to say no, to assert yourself, to tell people what you want

- be honest about what you want/ think of the situation in a calm respectful tone

- at least put up a fight (if want to at least feel control + self-respect)

- be secure with your own insecurities, other people's critique won't manipulate you

- completely accept negative feedback

- denying or responding to criticism will only make you easier to criticize

- when accepting compliments say 'thank you! i agree/though i don't seem to agree/i am not sure how to feel about it'

- when responding to cheeky comments say: i don't understand, what's so funny?

- depersonalize (in non-intimate relationships), what is it about ... that you don't like?

- be honest and compassionate

- answer what is being asked/said, NOT what you think is being said

- so if i understand correctly, .

[daughterofdescartes]

Mental health journal tips from Ana Psychology

1. Write down what’s making you anxious & ask yourself the following questions:

- What’s the worst case scenario?

- If it happens, what would be the worst case consequence?

- What would realistically happen if the worst case scenario occurs?

- How can I make this situation better?

2. Reflect on what you have learned from past events 

3. Put your negative thoughts on trial

- Is there any evidence that these thoughts are true?

- Write them down to create distance (creates physical distance)

4. Write a daily gratitude list

5. Feminist lessons:

- You do not need to be liked 

- There’s no need to sugarcoat arguments when speaking to agressive people

- Do not fear critcism or disagreement 

- Your boundaries do not come from a place of insecurity 

- Don’t let others disrespect you 

6. Relationship advice from Esther Perel:

- Don’t get lazy with relationships. Treat them like you would treat your own business.

- Every now and then do things differently in your relationship

- Seduction begins right after sex 

7. When troubled, write down why everything will be okay

8. Write down how to bring more joy in your current life 

9. When in a stressful period, write list of things to look forward to

10. Write about positive role models or make a list 

11. Feeling like an impostor? Write down why you should be confident as a ...

12. Make pros and cons list when making decisions

13. Write down how to incorporate values you admire into your own life

14. Rate anxiety over a course of time

[daughterofdescartes]

28122021

lately i have been feeling depressed. today i woke up and cleaned my studio, but felt resentful that my partner didn’t clean up after me, even though most of the mess is mine. i wondered how my life had come to this point, comparing myself to who i was a year ago. i felt so happy, everything was new. i had my first love, felt like i was healing, i had so much hope... 

right now, my life just feels pointless and aimless. i don’t know where i’m going with my studies; i don’t feel particularly good or even care about my body; i wish i was nicer to myself. somehow, it feels like everything in my life has just stopped after a certain point, everything stopped having its own meaning. 

i don’t know what i should do to make myself happier, but i will try my best to preserve myself. last year i was so motivated to make myself happy, to improve myself and become a better person, i don’t know what happened. right now it feels like everything has stagnated and i am no longer making progress, so maybe that’s why i am losing motivation. my life is going very slow these days. i want to be with my friends and laugh with them. right now, it feels like i have no one. i should make an effort to see my friends, move my body and play. 

[daughterofdescartes]

This has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it so personally! The importance of narrative

today while i was sweeping the floor; my dog aggressively attacked the cleaning brush as it approached him, seeing the brush as a threat. i yelled at him “what are you angry at? this has nothing to do with you! i’m just trying to clean the floor!”; but sadly he didn’t understand me. 

later in the evening i got upset for de zoveelste keer about something that upset me around a month and a half ago. i got triggered because i saw the instagram username of this girl who in my narrative has wronged me; has hurt me and caused me pain. i tried calming myself down looking up videos on youtube on how to let go of anger and hurt feelings. at the same time i also let a few tears out, just because. 

after all this time i still couldnt quite grasp why this person or situation angered me so much. i was like my dog mindlessly trying to bite something that isn’t even trying to bite me back. i have been continuously seeing this girl as a threat, when in reality she never was; no longer is; and will never be a threat to me. yet why did i feel this way? is it because i felt like she attempted to steal a prized possession? it’s not like she succeeded so why am i angry? looking at the story in a different way, i realize there’s no need to be angry because the threat was never really there. yes it can be scary knowing you can’t control other people’s actions; but it should also be freeing; if i can’t control the world around me why should i be so worried about it? what’s happened already happened, and whatever happened has nothing to do with me! whatever happened between those two people; was something that happened between them two, so why did it feel like i was so involved once i got to know the situation? 

my own original take on the situation was that this girl tried to steal my boyfriend before we officially started dating. did she succeed? no; so first of all my feelings of jealousy are already unwarranted. second of all, my boyfriend is not my possession; he is his own independent person and he chooses his own actions. what he did or what she did has nothing to do with me. whatever they did were all their own personal snap-decisions. constantly grinding my own teeth to this old story isn’t productive or doing me any good, so why focus so much on it?

a less painted narrative of this story could be; this girl tried to make things work with this guy she liked; but he didn’t like her back. the end. too bad for the girl, hopefully one day she’ll find someone! 

so all this time i couldn’t let this anger towards this girl go; because i was so mad she supposedly tried to “steal” my not-boyfriend at the time. that she attempted to take something away from me. when i realize she never succeeded; why should i continue being mad? is there something else that bothers me? when i realize she was just a drunk girl who had a crush on a guy; what does that even have to do with me? yes i know them both; but why should that bother me? this was their story, not mine. 

yes; it is unfortunate that i got to know about this in a very uncomfortable way, but now there is already nothing i can do about me knowing this information, and with time, my feelings towards this event will neutralize. realizing, hey whatever they did, was just something they did because that was what they thought was the right thing to do. so can’t you forgive them and let them go; for your own sake, pretty please? who cares anyways about what happened almost 8 months ago. no need to get stuck in the past :d. what is the relevancy of this to the present? not much; except that you’re still processing the emotions of the whole shock of finding out about this story. yes; it’s sensational, yes it might be scandalous, but mind your own business! you’ve nothing to do with this! you were out of the picture. accept that. 

what are my biggest fears surrounding this story. what upset me the most? i was embarrassed that i didn’t know about this for so long and felt like an idiot. it’s not like i ever wanted to know. the fact alone that i found out upsets me, because in reality i never wanted to know that my boyfriend could ever do something with someone else. idk why i’m so jealous and insecure. it’s not like i am below her so why do i feel that way? is there something wrong with me? i’m scared that maybe one day my boyfriend really could choose someone else over me. it terrifies me. i hated that this whole situation made me realize that, whatever i have now is not warranted; and you never know what could happen. the insecurity of not knowing the future; it’s crippling to me sometimes. it makes my throat close up and i feel like i can hardly breathe. the fear of not being loved. the fear that there is someone better than you. that i am worthless; that i’m not good enough. the fear is so suffocating it feels like somebody is stepping on my throat. these are all the stories i tell myself. somewhere along the way to adulthood; i have conditioned myself to believe these thoughts. when did this start? and what makes me believe that these thoughts are true?

i believe my real fear is that i am scared these worries will become reality. that i won’t be needed. i’ll be tossed away and replaced by somebody else. that i am not good enough. when i was little my parents always compared me to the “perfect” children; kids who always did better in school, kids that took better care of their parents and helped them. even when you try your best as a kid; it’s still not good enough. “you just don’t listen. you should be nicer to me.” they tell you, “you ungrateful, disobedient, spoiled brat.” they call you. then you start questioning yourself. why am i not good enough no matter what i do? my parents were never satisfied. 

this negative narrative that has been engrained in my mind is so exhausting. it’s an automatic train of thought that needs to be unlearned. you start believing this is how the world actually sees you and how you really are. when really it’s just a story that was fed to you since you were little. the reason i took this particular story outside of my world so badly is because i personified it and attached it to my own story so that it could fit my own beliefs about myself. 

i’d like to tell myself that no; this didn’t happen because they were out to get you; that was never that person’s intention. your boyfriend isn’t going to leave you for someone else; trust him for that. you are good enough and worthy. you’re doing just fine, babe :’).

[daughterofdescartes]

pain

idk why i am constantly cycling between being okay to not being okay. at this point i dont even understand why this whole situation upsets me so much anymore. i just hate that i am still not over this. everytime i think i got past it i get angry again. i just need to sit in the discomfort of not feeling okay. at this point i am just upset that i am upset. im going to take a shower to make myself feel like a better human being 

[daughterofdescartes]

“People don’t care about how I feel”

That is how it feels when I think other people have done me wrong. When I was little my parents often acted selfishly without thinking about what I wanted. 

They yelled and screamed at each other without ever thinking that there are kids in the house. I felt scared, neglected. All I wanted was a peaceful home and a happy family. 

When my parents proposed I should study XYZ instead of what I really wanted. I felt like I was disrespecting myself. Why can’t I go for what I really want? Do I not have a voice? I just always act accordingly to make other people happy. I don’t want that anymore.

When your whole house is caught up in a toxic abusive system, other family members hardly looked at me, and what the system did to me. People are blind to my pain, is what I thought. Everyone is too busy with their own life. My pain must not be worth looking at. It must not be that bad. 

Why do people make horrible choices, when they know the consequences are damaging? I myself am guilty of this. Yesterday, I started a small fire in my room. I burned a few diary entries to release my anger towards a certain person who hurt me. I thought it would feel good. At first it did, but then the flame started to catch onto other materials and then my whole room was filled with smoke. I almost set my room on fire. I was terrified. I too make terrible choices at times. 

“How can people be so bad, and not care about it?” 

“How can someone be so oblivious to all the damage they have done?” 

This must be my inner child speaking. From an adult’s perspective, everyone behaves in a way where they don’t think they could’ve done anything different. Sometimes after some reflection people do regret their actions. That regret is not always expressed externally or verbally. 

Thinking that I deserve an apology is me wanting other people to fix my hurt feelings. Only I get to decide how to react to my own pain. What can I do to make myself feel better again? Knowing that this pain will pass, is a thought I can hang onto. Knowing that I won’t be angry forever, that I will be happy again, is what brings me hope. 

People don’t owe me an apology. It’s impossible to control the way other people behave. You can’t just pick and choose how other people treat you. Some people will treat you well. Some people won’t. This is the reality of it. Be thankful for those who are good to you. 

People who hurt you and are oblivious of that (or at least you assume they are oblivious to the pain they have caused) didn’t know better at the time. “So forgive them for what they have done.”, is what any good person would say. As a child I loved to blame my dad for everything. I claimed him as the source of all evil, he caused all my pain. As a child, that was the most logical answer. It’s easy to point fingers and antagonize someone completely. Because that way you think you’ve found the problem. And the only way to get rid of the problem is to wish for its complete destruction.  

Just know that, no matter what other people have done to you, know that I care about how you feel. And that it’s alright to be angry, disgusted and confused. All of your feelings are valid. And I am here for you. To listen. 

[daughterofdescartes]

[daughterofdescartes]

HAPPINESS-BOOSTING SELF-CARE ROUTINE

in the morning:

- set an alarm - put phone outside of ur room - clear your head in the morning: go for a walk, do yoga, meditate, journaling, shower - have a skincare routine - put on makeup, dress up for yourself - listen to your body

during the day:

- be present in the present - what do you like about what you're doing in the moment - take breaks that aren't just on your phone, have a snack, take a walk, look out the window - move a little

in the evening:

- pamper your body, incorporate all five senses - social self-care, hang with friends, date night, cuddle with a pet, smile at a stranger - sexual self-care, make yourself feel sexy, masturbate, have sex - emotional self-care, writing, meditating, focus on gratitude - have good sleep hygiene

[daughterofdescartes]

Consider: touch, words, time, and distance

Lawrence recommends thinking about your boundaries in four categories: 

1. touch

2. words

3. time

4. physical and emotional distance

So maybe you’re only cool with handholding in public (touch), won’t accept name-calling (words), value alone time (time), and care about moving slowly, emotionally, in a relationship (distance). 

"It can feel artificial because it’s not a conversation we’re used to having, unless our boundaries have been violated," Lawrence notes. But it'll get easier. "Over time, it can feel more natural, and you kind of make it your own."

"Be aware if you are constantly sending signals that you come in second," she advises.

Setting boundaries should be set kindly but firmly—not alluding to it, mentioning it in the passing, or [addressing it] jokingly

You might open with, "You’re very important to me, so I want to tell you the truth," for example. Then, name the behavior you’d like to change using "I" statements to explain how that action (or inaction)—not the person—makes you feel.

Being assertive can feel uncomfortable in part because women are typically socialized to be more passive, Lawrence says. "Sometimes, we have to get over the way we’re socialized not to speak up on our own behalf." 

 But once you do, it will pay off. "It can be really freeing—it’s showing that you respect yourself, and it’s showing how you expect to be treated," she says. "It can really create a wonderful structure of a healthy relationship."

Last but not least, know your deal breakers. Some boundary violations, like physical or emotional abuse, should be straight-up deal breakers across the board. Others, like infidelity, may be less clear-cut. Either way, if you’ve followed these steps and your partner continues to violate your boundaries, take that as a serious sign this relationship isn’t for you, Lawrence says. Your deal breakers are deal breakers for a reason, and if your S.O. doesn't respect them, that's as good a reason as any to end the relationship before it becomes unhealthy.

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a27090584/how-to-set-boundaries/

[daughterofdescartes]

The most self-loving thing anyone can do is communicate where they are in life and what they want.

Concepsion, L.

[daughterofdescartes]

you are scared of people knowing you as intimately as you know yourself, because you dont like yourself. deep down you're afraid people will think about you the same way you think about yourself.