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demonsandpieohmy · 39 minutes
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my adblocker prevented the nyt from loading the paywall banner so all i got was this
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demonsandpieohmy · 2 hours
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The fact that the sex bots are using the Goncharov tag is hysterical to me
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demonsandpieohmy · 2 hours
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Aziraphale’s phone rings.  He answers, expecting it to be Crowley.  But to his surprise, it’s a demon he’s never met.
“I’m Crowley’s replacement,” the demon says.  “He’s not done anything impressive lately, and Downstairs doesn’t like how ineffective he is at keeping you in line.  So now he’s shuffling paperwork and scooping up hellhound shit while I do his job for him.”
“Ah… I see,”  Aziraphale says icily.  “Well, I most assuredly do not look forward to working with you.”
The demon laughs.  “Feeling’s mutual.”
Twenty-four hours later, the demon is very surprised to find himself discorporated in his sleep.  He can’t explain what happened, he has absolutely no idea.
“Don’t let it happen again,” Beelzebub says, annoyed, and sends the demon back up.
After a mere three days, the demon ends up discorporated again.
A new replacement is sent up.  This one lasts for a week and a day.
A third replacement is sent up.  This one lasts for exactly four hours.
Three demons are sent up next time.  Two manage to stay alive for at least five months.  In that time, they botch four very important temptations, and the citizens of London inexplicably find their daily lives much improved in thousands of little ways.  Traffic and pollution are nonexistent, injury and illness are miraculously avoided.  Church attendance is up five hundred percent, and every politician and CEO is struck by the urge to donate as much money as possible to charity.  There’s a general feeling of contentedness and goodwill in the air that wasn’t there before.  It feels downright heavenly.
Suddenly, Beelzebub is having a very hard time finding anyone to take Crowley’s post.  Bribes and threats make no difference.  The rumors have spread and only grown more disturbing in the telling.  Not one demon is willing to go up there and face the cold, calculated, merciless wrath of the angel known as Aziraphale.
Crowley absolutely loses it when someone gets around to telling him.  “Y’know, I could’ve warned you,” he says gleefully.  “Been working with him for thousands of years.  I know exactly how much of a bastard he can be.”
After running the numbers and seeing how many souls they’ve lost to Heaven in the past year, Beelzebub gives up and concludes that trying to replace Crowley is a massive waste of resources Hell can’t afford.
After one year, Aziraphale receives another phone call.  He answers, with bated breath, and nearly shouts for joy when he hears a familiar voice.
“Hi, angel.  Lunch on me?”
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demonsandpieohmy · 4 hours
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i remember adults telling me, as a kid, to listen to doctors and get my flu vaccine and any shots i could because they remembered Before.
then they started fighting Covid precautions.
i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that the ozone was disappearing and the earth was dying and we needed to recycle and save the planet.
now my parents think climate change is a myth.
i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that racism was a plague, that we had to love and accept everyone, that we should never judge before walking a mile in their shoes.
then they told me that protesting for my Black siblings was wrong.
i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that we needed to give to the poor. working at soup kitchens. making quilts. collecting food and money and supplies. building houses. because it was the christian and just plain right thing to do.
now they look at me, on food stamps with their grandchildren, and lament the "welfare state".
i remember adults telling me, as a kid, that it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven and that any rich man, especially an immoral one, should never run our country.
you can guess who they voted for.
i remember adults telling me, as a kid, so very much.
when did they forget?
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demonsandpieohmy · 5 hours
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With my dear friend @demonsandpieohmy, we are cooking a little spicy surprise - delivery scheduled for May 😋
Since all the projects I am actually working on are secret, I can't publish as often as I want. Buuuut permission granted, I am able to show to you all the present one! (and, oh, be assured that this WIP is the fluffiest and softest of them all. Huhu.😈)
Full version HERE! (NSFT)
I promess, B3 is preparing a veritable killing shot. 🫠
See ya, dear Good Omens fam! ❤️‍🔥
❤️‍🔥Support me on Ko-Fi❤️‍🔥
Masterpost (Art Gallery, news, NSFT links)
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demonsandpieohmy · 23 hours
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Today Aziraphale traced the freckles on Crowley’s shoulders and back, peppering him with kisses as he did so.
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demonsandpieohmy · 1 day
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Some writers: *meticulously plan out every plot point and the tone and meanings before they start writing*
Me:
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demonsandpieohmy · 2 days
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Garak: flaming homosexual who only has eyes for Bashir
Dukat: how dare you speak to my daughter you pervert
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one of my favorite scenes from DS9 is when Dukat pops a vessel just because Ziyal has a little crush on Garak lmao
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demonsandpieohmy · 2 days
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Neil Gaiman once said:
“I love the idea of what Crowley's idea of Aziraphale is. His idea is a lot more heroic and standing-up to everybody than Aziraphale's idea of Aziraphale.”
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“Just as Aziraphale's idea of Crowley is somebody who can be flippant and insouciant when faced with the monsters of Hell”.
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“They're probably each rather better at dealing with things than the other one is, but that's what they think the other one is probably like, and I love that”.
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Well, I love that too.
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demonsandpieohmy · 2 days
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demonsandpieohmy · 2 days
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*timeline restored*
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demonsandpieohmy · 3 days
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saw this on twitter and wanted to save it here
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demonsandpieohmy · 3 days
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So yeah, this happened Saturday...
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... i'll do my usual London post later but I wanted to share these already!
We had planned on 'stalking' stage door as the play was sold out weeks ago. We managed to get tickets after all (it's a crazy story for later) - that man's a force of nature on stage - if you can, go and see NYE at the National; you're in for a treat too!!! *mumbles '[spoilers] and [redacted]' under breath*
And OF COURSE he was an absolute sweetheart afterwards!!! Even though Anna was waiting for him, he really took his time, made sure to talk to everyone, gave autographs and took pictures although he was tired!!! (And no, I have NO idea what's going on in the middle picture, I just noticed that he's staring RIGHT INTO MY SOUL!)
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I LOVE London - city of all the opportunities!!
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demonsandpieohmy · 3 days
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demonsandpieohmy · 3 days
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six feet apart because they’re not gay
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demonsandpieohmy · 4 days
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Arise from the ashes
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demonsandpieohmy · 4 days
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