diaperedfairyboi - Tumblr blog

[diaperedfairyboi]

I don't wear this stuff enough

I messed while I was exercising this morning lol

Anyway I don't have any work yet so I'm just gonna take a nap

[diaperedfairyboi]

fun fact: there's nothing stopping you from watching cartoons about potty training from your childhood while you fill your adult baby diapers

[diaperedfairyboi]

Tl;dr uhh, depression? Eh I'm just venting, honestly don't bother reading lol. Idk why I post this shit either

I'm frustrated with my presence here. Every else seems happy and normal. I'm so jealous of happy people. Idk what I'm even doing. People scare me. Idk how to interact like a normal person. I just want to be alone, but then I'm lonely. I don't want to be alone. There's no place for me. I'm a broken record. I know other people get tired of it, I've been told so. I try not to wear people out with it. At least I can limit the stream, like fucking Cyclops with his ruby shades. Fuck man, I can even hurt people with it if I'm careless. I've had this one thing I said a year ago on my mind, it hurt someone close to me and I can't ever believe I can be so cruel or heartless or selfish. Or just apathetic. The apathy is like a cancer on my soul.

I pray to God to let me be only sweet and gentle and loving, like an angel. Or a fairy. Like I had to be when I took care of mom. It's been six years since she died and I'm realizing my grief is as profound as ever. It would make sense that someone so sensitive and melancholy would develop pathological grief. I went to her grave today and cried.

It's fine. Im fine. I had a good day. I went to my dad's for his annual fish fry. I love everyone I talked with today. My sibling and housemates came too. But my mom should've been there too. At least I like my step mom. Could be worse.

Anyway. To bring it full circle, this is the kind of stuff I post here, right? Like wtf, get it together already. Just why. I can't promise anything. Unfollow me if you wish, I'm too worn out and depressed to post anything especially hot. Probably just more long insane text posts about my chronic depression/anxiety.

And other people just post their normal lives and so on, and I'm just crazy. I just wish I could be happy, and not afraid of everything, and not intimidated by all the happy people with happy lives.

Hey at least I don't beg for money. I buy my own diapers.

Alright I gotta go be crazy in my sleep. Well I hope I sleep anyway. That'd be nice.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Would u post more text posts describing messing your diaper? 😍

Sure! Recently I'm practicing not pushing. Like I try to imagine how a baby would do it. They're not strong enough to push very hard. So they gotta just relax and let the urge do the work. I like to just focus on how good it feels.

So when I get the urge I try to just enjoy it more than anything, and let it happen. A lot of the time I'm sitting here at my computer when it happens. Sometimes I have to lean forward a little. It really feels like I'm just sitting on the potty like I used to lol. It just starts pushing itself out, piling up in the seat of my pampers. I love how the chair makes it smoosh all over my bottom, and towards the front and up the back. Or if I mess in bed or standing up, then it forms a pile under my butt and I get to sit in it to squish it everywhere. I always have to feel the back of my bulging poopy diaper when I'm done. I like how the mess gets stuck to my butt, and I can't help but bounce in it like the dumb poopy baby I am.

Well this wasn't my intention starting out but I came writing this lol I guess I'm done for now

[diaperedfairyboi]

Like, how do I get a boyfriend? And if I did, I feel like I'd be neglectful. I wish i could be happy. I wish I was fun. I wish I could get excited. I wish I could enjoy life. I just feel so alone. At least I have my sibling and my housemates. That's why I moved here after all.

I may have nearly died a couple times this year. Drug abuse. I wasn't trying to. But sometimes I wish I had. I really try not to think like this. I really do. I don't wanna be a statistic. I'm just worn out.

I just wish it was easier for me to have fun. I had no idea it could get worse than it was. How does it keep getting worse?

Oh well. I count my blessings. I have a lot to be grateful for. Even with the depression and social anxiety.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Feel like I'll never find love.

I'm thinking about going to trade school part time for a semester. If i can handle it.

I need drugs.

It's so hard for me to have fun or enjoy anything these days.

I just don't know what to do with myself. Learn a skill and just throw myself into work again like I used to but making more money. What else is there for me in life?

I wish somebody would adopt me or something.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Dirty mirror, dirty diaper

Earlier somethin made me mad and I reacted by just holding my breath and pushing really hard. I didn't know I actually had to go but I guess I did lol 😅

Anyway I think it's fun to deal with dumb icky feelings by doing dumb icky things in your diaper. I remember one time early on I was in a store with some friends but we got separated and I couldn't find em so I dealt with my anxiety by looking at toys and peeing in my diaper.

It's both cathartic and incredibly babyish.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Sorry I haven't like posted pics in a while. Just haven't felt like it? Idk. Don't worry I'm still wearing diapers and messing myself.

Anyway I just wanted to say thank you to all of you for giving me over a hundred followers. Like I remember when I started posting here and figured nobody would ever give a fuck. It's probably not healthy to rely on social media for validation but eh it's something at least.

[diaperedfairyboi]

There's something really hot to me about looking at porn but my lil wee-wee is soft or sem-soft and instead of cumming I'm just dribbling pee in my diaper.

Like I was just chilling looking at pictures of diaper boys and then i notice I'm wetting myself again. I feel like such a dumb baby rn.

Imagine wetting your pants instead of getting hard.

[diaperedfairyboi]

I love having accidents. I love ignoring the need to go, cause it's dumb and not important. I love it when I realize I don't need to go anymore. I love checking my diaper and not knowing how it got so wet. I love randomly smelling pee or noticing my diaper feels really warm. I love going to bed dry and waking up in a puddle, and I'm not upset or surprised that my diaper leaked or that I slept soundly through the night while peeing all over myself.

I love giving in to the urge to poop as soon as I feel it, and I love how it's getting more urgent, with less time between the feeling of fullness and waves of contractions that make me fill my diaper. I love how I have to push less and less, and over time my body finally agrees with me that pants are where the poop goes. I even love it when I change my poopy pampers, and then an hour later I can't help but mess myself again. I love how I go blank and don't think about what I'm doing, how the only thing that really matters is giving into the infantile urge to go to the bathroom right then and there, no matter what I'm doing or where I am.

And I love how cute and babyish I look in my diapers, and how I smell like a baby in one way or another at all times. I love how I can't really hide it and pretty much all my friends know lol.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Trauma dump. I can't afford therapy.

I miss my mom so much sometimes. She died years ago. Cancer basically. I helped care for her and it was hard. I'm grateful for the time we had together. And for taking care of her, though I know it wasn't as good as how she took care of me.

I miss being together with my mom and dad and my sibling. And just being a family. Then my sibling left, fighting with dad over something that wasn't worth fighting over imho. Then mom got sick, or got worse, I don't remember. We'd never really be a family like we were again. Then mom got worse and worse over the years. It broke my heart. It still does. And one morning that was it, she was dead. Dad and I cried together.

We used to have dinner together every night. At the table, no TV on. Cause mom wanted us to be together like that. She'd cook and we'd all sit in the same spots at the table.

I just miss her so much. I dream of her sometimes.

One of the worst parts about this to me, is I hid my depression and anxiety from her for so long. So when I finally told her about it, she was only able to really help me for a few years before she got sick. But she still helped me while she was sick, and I helped her too. I just wish she was still around. I want to talk to her. At least I still have my dad, and I live with my sibling.

Why am I so sad and sentimental.

I need a hug.

[diaperedfairyboi]

This is an old video. It wouldn't upload right originally. Maybe it'll work now.

Anyway this is from before I was in diapers full time. I wet my pants and tried to make it to the potty but it was too late. I couldn't stop peeing so I just let go and finished going in my shorts in front of the toilet. This is why I wear diapers now lol

[diaperedfairyboi]

Sometimes I just wish i had someone to cuddle with. Just so sad and overwhelmed sometimes. Idk. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Trying not to get high and still looking for work, it's just rough.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Chilling with friends, some know I wear diapers and some don't. I wet myself a few times while i was sitting there. One of them just goes "Something smells like pee"

It was me. I smell like pee. I didn't even realize. My diaper was pretty soggy but I didn't think anyone could tell. I couldn't really smell it. I blamed it on the cats lol.

Some people just notice things like that I guess. Not the first time honestly. So humiliating tho. Imagine being called out for pissing yourself.

Literally just a crinkly baby that smells like pee-pee or worse all the time.

[diaperedfairyboi]

Mushy tushy. It just kinda happened on its own again...

[diaperedfairyboi]

One time in kindergarten on the playground a kid made fun of me, loudly going "Tommy's a dummy and he POOPS in his PANTS!"

And I've had that in my head ever since. Among other things

[diaperedfairyboi]

Ran some errands, now I'm wet

I usually save these trests for if I'm not gonna be able to change for like 12+ hours but I just felt like wearing one today for no reason. Gonna have to drink lotsa water