dlew7

[dlew7]

Ramblings on the Weight of a Name

A name commands image. It holds power in the mind's eye, often suggesting character before introduction. A name is a title unto itself. But why?

A name can mislead what has yet to be revealed. If a word can only bear the influence permitted, why do we allow it such weight? I ask myself this anytime I hear whatever version of me I've laid before the lips of others. They spit a name, and I recoil, looking inward to see a picture of someone else. Never a stranger... yet, never me.

For a time, I thought what I was searching for had to be gifted by another. Now, as I've witnessed an almost daily shift in identity, I've come to realize that their eyes see what they believe, and mouths still call me what they will.

I can't change this.

But I can change what I see in myself.

[dlew7]

We run amongst clouds

and ride the waves as they command.

Flowing by the wind's decree,

we sail, we fly,

we echo cliffs in melody.

If we are summoned to take from Mother,

to use her more than she can bear...

Then why can't we be called to

what the trees are called to do?

[dlew7]

"Interrupted"

A poem written shortly after having a seizure.

[dlew7]

(09/07/24)- Everyone's field of flowers is different.

This past Thursday, I heard a song that had me visualize simultaneously sitting and walking slowly through an open field of flowers. I wanted to find more songs that gave me this feeling, so I posted the question, "what are songs that make you feel like a field of flowers?", to my Instagram story. The first response I got was a calming orchestral tune, similar to the soothing jazz song I based my own "field of flowers" feeling on. However, as more responses came in, I noticed differences in tone with each song, causing my visualization of the field to change. One was romantic and hyper-sexual, with music I can't describe other than floaty. These flowers swayed, afloat above the field. Another, named quite fittingly, "Standing In The Middle Of The Field", had a gentle dance beat and remained on the cusp of relaxing; these flowers danced and smiled.

I realized the way I stated the question wasn't how the original song made me feel. The jazz song had me *in* a field of flowers while the responses made me visualize the fields themselves.

"What are songs that make you *feel* like a field of flowers?" They weren't sending me songs to sit in a field and ponder upon, they were sending me their flowers.

The final response I got was the most surprising; bouncy, fun, energetic, and at times hectic. These flowers were having a party!

The variety of songs I received proved to me that everyone's flowers are different and constantly evolving. My flowers change throughout the day all the time!! That only makes them more beautiful. It's time I learn to collect each flower and share my bouquet.

Songs referenced in this journal excerpt-

Tezeta - Mulatu Astatke

Amore mio aiutami - Pierro Piccioni

Standing In The Middle Of The Field - Cut Copy

Summer Song - Remy Bond

[translated from Japanese]: Tandem - HALCALI