drizzitwrites

[drizzitwrites]

Okay. This is really important.

As someone who writes very long, involved fic, takes a loooong time to plan them and an even longer time to write them, and also has (if I push myself and do not much other than work and write fic) around 20 hours a week (seriously... this is me at DOING TOO MUCH stage), it is important for me to adjust expectations.

As a creator, especially in rpf fandoms but I imagine similar things apply to TV show fandoms or webcomics or any fandomwith daily/weekly content updates, there is this constant pressure (self-imposed, MAYBE*) to stay relevant. It can be overwhelming if you're in a position like me where it might take you at best 2 months to write a fic. By the time you're done it can feel like your content isn't relevant and fandom has moved on to some new thing that happened last week.

Friends... that pressure is terrible.

I spend so much time thinking "work harder. Write faster. Why are you so slow? This happened a year ago (or more), NO ONE EVEN CARES ANYMORE." This absolutely leads to burnout and not bothering to finish things I had a lot of energy around because they're irrelevant. It's like no matter how hard you work, you're always behind and trying to play catch up.

Now... about the very important (*) I dropped earlier.

*Not all of this, in my experience, is necessarily the author pressuring themself. There is a certain degree of fandom energy around pairings or events or whatever, and it can be fleeting. So if you are writing to try and capture some of that energy, you feel this outside pressure to get things done before everyone moves on. That's different, sort of, than self-imposed pressure, because it's being driven by an external source. Most of us, to some degree, create content so people can consume it. If potential consumers are signaling us that they no longer care by the time we are ready with our content, there can be a degree of "what's the point." So, you are faced with the choice of do more faster, or stop doing it. Neither is a good option if we're wanting content to be created.

More insidious, I think, are the readers constantly asking "when is the next chapter?" Or "when are you writing this fic?" Or repeatedly saying "Pleeeeeeaaaase give us this content right now!" And I get it. Content consumers are excited to consume the content. As a creator, I love it when people are excited for my work. It feels GOOD. And as consumers, if a writer is doing a good job, you're supposed to be left needing OMG MORE RIGHT NOW. But I think you also have to understand the pressure that puts on creators. They're so happy that you want this content and that you love it, and they want to deliver it to you ASAP. But if their time/energy to create is a finite resource, there may be nothing at all they can do to deliver the content faster, which can lead people to feeling like they failed or are repeatedly letting down their audience because they haven't figured out a way to add 2 more hours onto their days so they have time to create faster.

So... I urge everyone, creators of content and consumers of content, to be realistic in your expectations. For what you can create. For how quickly it can be created. And for how long it takes to create and how much time/energy the creator can afford to invest.

We're all out here working for free amidst the chaos of our lives. Let's be gentle with ourselves and one another.

As a fan creator, you are your own “boss” and therefore you decide on your own workload. However, if you are enthusiastic about the fandom or if you’re one of a small set of creators or if you’re trying to “keep up” with other writers, you might take on more work than you can reasonably handle. 

A lot of fan creators feel a strong sense of responsibility attached to their posting schedule, for example, or feel guilt associated with not writing on a particular day. Self-imposed deadlines can become hard and fast rules rather than personal goals, and there is stress and anxiety related to not meeting those deadlines. Missing a posting date or taking too long of a break from uploading content can feel like a risk, like your audience will be disappointed and might even disappear.

Workload becomes a problem when you feel overwhelmed by what you need to do. This might be because you have accepted prompts from others, because you’ve started several works in progress but not completed them yet, or because you’ve signed up to participate in fandom events.

If you find yourself overloaded and stressed out by your to do list, it’s time to prioritize and deselect.

What fics are you most interested in writing? Put those at the top of your list. What are you not at all interested in doing? Remove those from the list. If that means that you won’t fill a prompt, let the requester know that you won’t be able to write it for them. Generally speaking, people are understanding. Telling them also means that they are free to give that prompt to another author. 

Fandom event organizers would also rather you let them know early that you’ll be pulling out. The more time you can give them to find a replacement for you, the better. Most organizers have “back up” writers available who will take on unclaimed prompts for people who are unable to complete the challenge or event.

Be open and honest with yourself and with others about what you can really do. It will be better for everyone involved. A sustainable workload is necessary for you to be able to continue creating long-term. 

Because of the amount of time and energy being devoted to fic and the exhaustion that results from overwork, authors who are experience burnout are more likely to need more rewards from the community in order to feel like their effort is worthwhile. If the reward they are receiving feels too small for too long, these authors might complain about a lack of comments or kudos, insist on more interaction from their communities, or maybe even stop writing altogether. 

Unfortunately, no amount of reward will help them restore their depleted energy. 

It’s important to note that you can feel burnt out, even when you’re doing something you love. Because it’s something you love doing, you are more likely to push yourself to do it even when you’re tired or otherwise need to rest. This is even more true when fic writing is something you’ve done in the past to help you relax from other life stresses. 

If you are feeling stressed out or overwhelmed or like you have too much on your plate take a step back. Give yourself some time off. Remember that writing is your hobby and ultimately the only person you are responsible to is yourself. 

Rest, recharge, and let go of the things that aren’t working right now. Take care of yourself first and you’ll be better able to take care of others later. 

[drizzitwrites]

Weekly Writing Progress

Hi friends,

I took a break from actually writing the story to step back and do things right and set myself up for success by documenting all the things I already know about it so I can really make a plan and make each day’s limited amount of writing time count. This means I’m deeply engaged in story planning, which I approach as though it is some kind of Olympic sport.

So... although I am not where I had hoped to be by the end of this week with a skeleton of an outline and knowing how all these scene snippets and fragments and ideas that keep flashing around in my head go together, relate, and progress, I have spent a solid 16 hours working on this stuff this week and just added up all the words of character profiling and setting sketches I’ve done and learned that I have written 30,000 words.

Of backstory.

And personality stuff.

And I learned a LOT and invented new characters and plot threads and exciting things that pursue. I know when people say “character sketch” they usually mean, “write a couple paragraphs about their home life” not “write out everything that has happened in their life since birth in excruciating detail,” but, well... stuff happens, okay. I know these people better than I know some of my friends. I will forever maintain that this is why I can make my story characters seem like real people and I can get so deep in their heads and lives and write from such a tight third person POV... because I have basically lived their lives with them before I even start writing. It takes forever to get to this point, and it’s why I’m such a slow writer, but it works for me, so that’s what I do.

I also know I have a week scheduled to research all the stuff I have to research, especially around settings, but I HATE leaving blanks in the setting details that I have to fill in later and I have a hard time making a vision of the settings without the info, so I end up doing a lot of that research as I go. So... maybe it’s fine that I’ll be spending much of next week scoping out what I do know about the plot and the scenes, because maybe I won’t need as much time to research as I planned on.

Probably not... but maybe.

Anyway... next week is skeleton plot week. I’m still in love with this fic and probably will be until I start actually trying to write it.

[drizzitwrites]

me: *writes fic*

me: great! time to post to ao3-

ao3 summary box: *exists*

me: 

ao3 summary box:

me:

ao3 summary box: 

me:

[drizzitwrites]

New year writing goals

Trying to write more often is self-care. We write because we love it. Let's not make it a chore.

There is more to writing than getting words on the page. Research, plotting, outlining, daydreaming, making moodboards... all that is writing.

Not being able to write some days is NOT failure. Breaks are essential to refill your creative energy. Maybe just listen to your writing playlist and relax a bit or read a book or watch a show that inspires you.

Word counts are not absolute. If you realize you can't achieve your word count in the set timeframe, revise it. It's NOT failure, it's being efficient and aware of your own energy.

Be kind to yourself. Not finishing your goal is okay. Just engage with your creativity. Your mental health is more important.

[drizzitwrites]

File this under “super obvious yet I always seem to forget it.”

[drizzitwrites]

New Fic: “Must Have Done Something Right” Opening Scene (Draft) -- Dragon Age: Inquisition

Hi all,

Switching fandoms (back to my OG fandom, Dragon Age) since I’ve finally broken down and begun playing Inquisition (which I bought on the release day and then promptly got hipster angry at for 6 years). I still wasn’t sold at first and I DEFINITELY don’t love the companions as much as I did in any of the other games. UNTIL........ I met Dorian Pavus. Who I love. Deeply.

So... one day I was playing and I made an offhand comment quoting a song lyric because Dorian set my m!Lavellan Inquisitor up for a combo and then Jonas said “we should not!fic a thing where they’re on a university sports team” and then my brain grabbed hold of it and needed to almost obsessively think about it over the next two weeks.

Aaaaand, now I’ve actually started writing. This should be interesting, because I can SEE the scenes so clearly in my mind, so I may either fly through this and write it in a month in a frenzied fit of pique OR I may agonise over it because the words aren’t bringing out the picture in my head right. Either way, this one’s going to be long (and considering I’m someone who usually says “I think I can get that done in 5k” and then it takes 25k, this almost certainly means we’re going to hit novel length at least) and I have VERY LITTLE TIME, so don’t expect the finished product any time soon. I might release it chapter by chapter, but I generally don’t in case something comes up in a later chapter that affects the early chapters, because you never know when you need to re-order something or change details or add in something and I don’t want to have to deal with telling people I re-posted and having them go back to read it.

But! For anyone who might want to read it piece-by-piece with the understanding that what I’m posting here is edited and postable (by my standards) but is very much subject to change as the fic writing unfolds, I’ll post some to all of the scenes here. Read or don’t. At your leisure.

Also... I’m using this as an informal beta reading session, since Jonas is really good with big picture concept stuff, but terrible at anything having to do with emotions or the conveyance thereof AND is absolutely not here for even thinking about anything that’s higher than teen rated, and because I’ve been out of the fandom for so long that most to all of my former Dragon Age beta readers have left fandom and my new beta readers aren’t at all in the fandom. So... comments, thoughts, wording changes, spelling and grammar corrections, etc. welcome.

So, without any further ado, I present to you:

Dragon Age: Inquisition - Must Have Done Something Right Dorian Pavus/M!Lavellan Modern Day University AU Chapter 1, Scene 1

As Dorian lay sprawled on his backside on a New Jersey street corner, he couldn't help but wonder which of the monumentally stupid decisions he'd made over the past year and a half had led him to this moment. It could, he allowed, be all of them. In fact, it was very probably all of them. He would have dwelled on this longer, digging deep and trying to pinpoint the exact moment everything in his life had gone to shit, but right now he had more pressing matters to focus on, such as the bruise he could already feel forming on his backside, the frigid water seeping in through the legs of his trousers and down the sides of his shoes, and how the fuck, exactly, he was supposed to get home.

The skies had been clear and blue, with no signs of an impending storm when he'd headed to work that morning. Around mid-afternoon, clients had begun to rush through the door, blowing on their hands, brushing a few stray snowflakes from their shoulders, and commenting on the turn the weather had taken. By the time Dorian finished his shift at seven p.m. he'd stepped through the door into a full on New England blizzard.

He wasn't dressed for it, of course. He'd grabbed an overcoat and gloves on the way out the door, but hadn’t given a second thought to his footwear. Even he wasn't vain enough to wear his second best pair of oxfords if he was expecting snow. For one thing, they didn't deserve to be subjected to the thorough dousing of salt water they were certain to receive. For another, the smooth leather outsoles gave him approximately negative amounts of traction when trying to walk on ice.

Which brought him to here. He'd attempted the drive home on his Vespa, figuring it would be better than attempting to walk home. And it had been, he supposed, until he'd come over the crest of a hill, his back wheel had hit a patch of ice, and the entire bike had tried to kick out from under him. He'd saved it, just, and managed to navigate to the bottom of the hill where a wide expanse of sidewalk allowed him to pull off the road and park. He'd eased the bike as far out of the way as he could, put it in park, and dismounted.

And promptly fell on his ass.

He'd attempted to right himself, which had only led to an embarrassing scramble of feet against ice, legs kicking every which way, until he conceded that, for now, the ground had squarely defeated him, and let himself slide down to rest against the side of his bike.

“Need a hand?” A soft voice asked from above.

Dorian opened his eyes to see a man standing there, one gloved hand extended in his direction. As he stared up through the snow and the floodlights from the nearby building, Dorian couldn't make out any of the man’s facial features beyond impeccably combed dark hair, which glinted with red in the light. The man was well-dressed, however, albeit more sensibly than Dorian given the weather conditions, with a wool muffler tucked neatly into the collar of a knee-length overcoat, his feet clad in ankle-high fleece-lined boots.

The man said nothing, but remained there, arm outstretched, until Dorian managed a quick nod of thanks, took the proffered hand, and tried to lever himself to his feet while the other man pulled. He was surprisingly strong, Dorian noted, especially given his stature, which was good, because he ended up doing most of the work in the exchange while Dorian attempted to use the seat of his bike for leverage, his feet continuing to scrabble for purchase on the ground with every movement.

“Thank you,” Dorian said, dropping his free left hand down to grip the right handlebar of his scooter for balance.

“Don't thank me too much,” the man said. “I did stand by and watch the whole thing happen until I saw you give up and slump down in the snow. Decided I better intervene rather than leaving you out here all night.” He shifted his grip to twist it around into a tight handshake. “Name's Krem, by the way.”

“Dorian. And now I suppose I should thank you double for deciding not to leave me here.”

Not that I have a lot of reason for getting up and going about my life, he didn’t add.

Krem nodded, one corner of his mouth flicking up into the hint of a half smile. “You gonna be alright if I let go now?”

“What?” Dorian asked, then tracked Krem’s gaze to their still joined hands. “Oh… yes. Or… probably, it’s all relative, isn’t it? I mean, I’m not entirely sure how I'm getting home from here, and I hate to leave my bike parked out all night, especially in the snow, but… at least I’m standing. For now.”

“Never know. Snow might stop soon. I'm meeting a friend at a café just down the street. You're welcome to join me. It's warm and dry. Usually. You can buy me a coffee as a thank you. You look like you could use one.”

As a rule, Dorian despised coffee that wasn't prepared to his exacting standards with the proper equipment and techniques, but he was willing to concede that ‘usually warm and dry’ was a better option than laying in the snow on a street corner thinking of all the good reasons he had for staying there and freezing to death. Probably.

“In truth, I could use something a good deal stronger than coffee,” Dorian replied with a wry laugh. “Several somethings, in fact. Possibly a whole bottle of somethings. But alright. Coffee it is. Lead the way.”

[drizzitwrites]

Friends... considering in my usual fic planning I think up a premise and say "I feel like I can get that done in 5000 - 10,000 words" and then the fic ends up being 25k+, the fact that today when we were talking about my in-planning-stage fic I told Jonas, "Yeah, I feel like this is going to be a long one" should terrify EVERYONE.

[drizzitwrites]

Every writing advice thing ever: Don’t get bogged down in details on your first draft. Just write! ☺️

Me: How I begin this scene hinges on whether cheese sandwiches were served with mayo in the 50’s.

[drizzitwrites]

Welp. After coming to terms with giving myself permission to just stop writing because I wasn't feeling like making space for writing instead of other creative pursuits even though I have at least half a fic written and I still tell myself I want to finish it someday AND six million ideas for both football and tennis rpfs, I have now made a HARD PIVOT back to my original fandom and have spent the better part of all free moments (including those I should be sleeping) scoping put what promises to be a VERRRRY long Dragon Age fic.

You're welcome, self and others, I guess.

[drizzitwrites]

Thoughts from an inadequate fanfiction author

I just read a Reddit post about feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in relation to other’s writing, that clawing in your stomach when you read something that is so gripping, so incredibly paced, or simply so wildly popular (dripping with kudos, comments, what have you) that you just want to quit, because you can’t write like that, you will never be as talented, as popular, etc, etc.

It’s such a ugly emotion that I hate to even admit to it, but I just feel like so many writers need to hear this and need to know they are not alone when they’re overcome with this feeling.

The thing that has really helped me is remembering that I’m the only person on earth who can tell the stories I tell.

Every person has a unique history and background that makes them uniquely capable of creating what they do.

I try to equate it to music. There are indie artists whose music I adore (Bright Eyes is a band that specifically comes to mind). What if your favorite band listened to Mozart or Beyoncé and thought, I will never be as talented at composing as Mozart or as famous as Beyonce, and therefore, I will never write another song.

How sad would you be, how bereft, if the artists you love gave up because they weren’t “the best?”

You are that perfect writer, not to everyone, but to someone.

That means something. It is so difficult to remember, but it all comes back to self-esteem. You are worthwhile and your writing is worthwhile NOT because it’s the best, but because there’s only one person in the world who could write it, and there is someone out there who needs to read it. Maybe you can make someone smile or feel or laugh, and what an incredible gift that is, one you shouldn’t hide.

So I urge you not to dim your shine for any reason. Keep going, find your audience, get better, KEEP AT IT. The worst thing you can do is give up, because that’s the only sure way you will never be that kind of amazing writer you wish to emulate.

If you’re curious, I wrote in college, then took a 10 year break due to feelings of inadequacy after having writer’s block and receiving a lukewarm response to some chapters I posted. I decided 2020 was my year and have written 42 works (some short stories, some long ones) since January. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t let anything stop me from enjoying my hobby again, and that’s why I want to encourage myself and others to feed their passions. 

[drizzitwrites]

Last Sentence Meme

Post the last sentence you wrote and tag as many people as there are words.

I was tagged by @caixxa! Thank you! I’ve been meaning to get back to this scene I’ve been in the middle of forever now so this made me go in and figure out where I had stopped and what needed to happen next. The trick is, the last thing I did was edit things to sort of Frankenstein scene parts together, so I have no idea what I actually wrote last. Anyway, here is the last sentence of the scene that is actually written.

“...I’ll give you some time to get cleaned up.”

I have to tag NINE people? Do I even know nine people who are actively writing?

@ao3commentoftheday @eafay70 @placna @blindbatalex  - umm, yeah that’s all I can think of. Anyone else writing? Go ahead and tag yourself if I forgot that you’re writing stuff currently.

[drizzitwrites]

Quick writing tip: if you want to write a scene, just do it.

Got an idea for a scene, but don't know if it would fit in your WIP? Just write it anyway!

Get a journal, or a new document, and write it. Yes, even if it's completely out of canon. Yes, even if it's self indulgent. Yes, even if it feels like a waste of time. Why?

Increases your worldbuilding and understanding of characters

Improves your writing skill

Parts of it could be used in your WIP

You could write an incredible line you would never have thought of otherwise

Stops burnout and creates passion

It's fun, and that's what writing should be.

Now go and write that scene! Have fun!

[drizzitwrites]

Me for the last 36 hours: YES, SIS, WE ARE GOING TO WRITE THIS FIC. I AM SO EXCITED!

Me now, opening up the doc to the scene I have been in the middle of for a week now: Ehhhhhh, but what if we just don't write it?

[drizzitwrites]

In case it is of interest to anyone else...

Here is the still evolving (both in songs and song order) Spotify playlist I am listening to on repeat to find the moods for my current fic project. I always have these playlists, but I rarely post them unless it is the finished, pared down one I put out with the fic. They start out as hours-long rollercoasters of vague feelings and moods.

Just thought I'd use this blog for its intended purpose--an insight into my writing process.

[drizzitwrites]

Spent today trying to fire myself up to get back into writing this fic that is mostly done and I deeply want to finish but all that's left are the hard scenes by listening to podfics made for me of stories written for me in the same pairing and I'm not sure if I'm inspired to write, but I sure am in awe of my friends' abilities to make me have BIG FEELINGS.

[drizzitwrites]

Good news, fam. Sort of.

Watching "My Roommate is a Cat" has guilted me into attempting to get back to finishing this 3/4 done fic I started forever ago, but stopped working on because the subplot was hard.

Now if only I had the time....

To quote my boss when someone commented that I've got a lot on my plate: "Her plate is like the platter sized one you fill up at the all-you-can-eat buffet."

[drizzitwrites]

Back in the chair...

No rest for the weary. Finally finished the fic/podfic combo I’ve had going since November, so today I’m diving headfirst into writing this fic that I’ve been meaning to write since August of 2018. Better late than never, eh?