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[dyashguy-blog]

Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, You Are So Hot™

Hey Ahmed Shihab-Eldin, 

Dude, you are so unbelievably hot. 

We're going to be honest with you, Ahmed, we didn't know who you were until we saw this video. And you weren't the reason we pulled up the video either. 

We know all the controversy surrounding the term we're about to use, but we're going to ignore that for the time being. We probably fit within the category of "gaybros" at DYASH™. We don't use that word in a way designed to exclude any of our gay brothers who do not consider themselves a part of the gaybro community, but we find a great deal of comfort and support from that segment of the gay community. So we turned to that video on the Huffington Post's Gay Voices channel to see some guys debate how gaybros fit into wide gay community. We were super interested — we're really saddened by the fact that some gay men find the gaybro community to be a divisive force. 

Then your face popped onto the screen. 

  :-o

We couldn't think. We didn't have a coherent thought for the next half an hour. Nope ... not a single coherent thought. We tried to pay attention to the very lively and interesting debate the dudes were having, but we couldn't. All we could think about was (1) "When is Ahmed coming," or (2) OH MY GOODNESS ... THERE HE IS!!!!!!!"

You have that face, Ahmed — a face that interrupts the world around whomever is looking at it. We have had a Web browser tab open with your picture on it for days now. Why? Because we can't bear to close it every time we see you. 

We repeat: You have that face, Ahmed. 

  Since this is DYASH™, of course we had to do some research on that hottie who had us so distracted.  We loved the tagline on your Web page: I'm Palestinian by blood. American by birth. Kuwaiti by family refuge. Egyptian by upbringing. Austrian by adolescence. Curious by nature.  

We like that you acknowledge all the international cultural influences that have made you the interesting person we are coming to love. Yet, we are eating up the fact that you unequivocally make sure to note that you are, "American by birth." To quote the great movie, "AMERICA ... F* YEAH!!!" 

And we love having you as part of the American family. We'll we real: a lot of it is because you are beautiful. But no small part of it is because of the last thing you say about yourself by way of introduction on your Web site: "Curious by nature." That more than anything is fascinating us about you beyond your face. 

Damnit ... we just did it again. We went to look at some more about your background to share with our readers, and we got caught in the damn picture of you. We're just going to suggest folks take a look at your wikipedia page to find out how you got to the point that Forbes magazine named you a "30 Under 30" disruptor. 

You can disrupt me any day, Ahmed. 

Why? 

Because, dude, you are so hot™. 

  DYASHguy.

[dyashguy-blog]

DYASH™: Worth 1,000 Words

Dear Heath Hutchins ... DAMN!!!!!

:-o

We didn't even know what to say, until we realized your picture says it all. 

We will comment on how fascinated we are by how you took your body from beautiful to beautiful. Both looks worked for you, Heath. 

Jeez ... 

DYASHguy. 

P.S.: How could we show just one picture of you, HH?

Oh my ... 

[dyashguy-blog]

Brandon Robert Brown, You Are So Hot™

  Hey Brandon Robert Brown, 

Dude, You Are So Hot™ … just so hot. 

WHOA!

Ok, Brandon, you need to understand DYASH™is helmed by a gay dude. And as a responsible member of the gay community, DYASH™likes to buy products from gay-owned businesses. Gay and have a business selling a product or service? We’ll at least consider buying it — and if we don’t, we had to talk ourselves out of buying it. 

So when the gay activist in us learned that Andrew Christian apparel was owned and designed by a fellow gay dude, we were all over the Web site inspecting every inch of it, and making serious decisions about what to buy in support of a gay entrepreneur. 

We know people are going to think our real motivation was how mesmerized we were by the guys in the AC advertising videos [NSFW] shaking some fine behinds for us — but that really was only about 68% of our motivation. We seriously love that Andrew Christian markets it’s clothing almost exclusively to gay men. That and the fact that we look real cute in the sh*t AC sells. (Heyyyyyyyyyy!!!!)

Now, since Andrew Christian is aimed at gay men, there really are good looking man-pieces all over the site. But BRB, we nearly fell off the couch the first time we saw you in a video. Seriously, there are hot dudes all over AndrewChristian.com — lots of them. But you had more to offer than hot, Brandon. 

  We had to wipe the charisma you were throwing off of our computer screens. You are CRAZY charming, Brandon, and it so comes through the camera. We bought the Andrew Christian calendar just so we could have a whole month of looking at you. 

  Since this is DYASH™, you know we did our research on you, BRB. Turns out you relay are more than a pretty face. You’re a chef and a loud-as-hell gay rights activist, too? Damn. Yes we did clear a spot in our bathroom for your toothbrush. It’s there whenever you want to marry us. 

  But we’ll be real … we acknowledge your relationship with the adorable Colby Melvin. We support you and Colby as partners (or ColBra, as you two like to refer to your couplehood), because you both look super-happy, and we support happy, monogamous gay couples at DYASH™.

  But if you’re ever ready to use that space as a permanent parking place for your toothbrush … call us. K?

Why, Brandon? 

Because, dude, you are so hot™. 

  P.S.:

:-o

[dyashguy-blog]

Will Portman, You Are So Hot™

Hey, Will Portman, 

First of all, thanks for being super brave. Lots of people come out to their parents, and it’s always über difficult. (We had that experience, and it’s just not always clean and pretty.) But’s it’s got to cause a massive amount of dread to tell the fam you’re gay when one of your parents was an original backer of the Defense of Marriage Act and voted in favor of a federal constitutional amendment to ban marriage equality in perpetuity. 

Second, please thank your dad, U.S. Senator Rob Portman, for handling this like a real man: by loving his son unconditionally, and by telling the world he’d no longer support anti-gay political causes. 

Will — because you went from obscure son of a seemingly boring Republican senator to likely one the most important gay men of 2013 (and turned your dad into a profile in courage) — dude, you are so hot™. 

DYASHguy.

P.S.: Be ready to be one of the most eligible gay men out there, Will. 

[Message me! ;-) ... Wait ... how old are you? I need to see some id.]

P.P.S: Your brother, Jed, is really hot, too. 

[dyashguy-blog]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, You Are So Hot™

Hey Joseph Gordon-Levitt,

  Dude, You Are So Hot™.

  Remember, The Powers That Be,  JGL? We do. It was an early 1990s show starring John Forsythe as a hapless U.S. senator, and we found it wildly entertaining. It introduced DYASH™ to David Hyde Pierce, a gay dude we love ... and a little dude who played his son named: Joseph Gordon-Levitt. You were supercute in that role, JGL, but since we're not pedophiles we didn't pay you much attention. We spent a lot of that show wondering how John Forsyth was still so hot after all those years. (Seriously, John "He'll Always Be Blake Carrington" Forsythe was hot every f*ing day of his life. We want to know what his secret was.)

  You followed Powers with another awesomely cute role in the movie  Angels In The Outfield. So precocious you were. But again, we didn't pay that much attention to you -- at DYASH™, we like our males all grown.

  Then you threw a little Tommy Solomon at us in 3rd Rock from the Sun. Now JGL, we still weren't all about you, because as a teenager you were too young. But we're going to be real, Joe-Joe: We started to see some potential hotiness there on 3rd Rock.

  And we promptly paid no attention to you for a long while. You still needed seasoning. Not your acting, mind you. We thought you were a good actor from Powers on (you were a fabulous actor even as a child). But you needed time and maturation before we could see you as so hot.

  You came in and out of our lives in small roles, but not anything that made us take lots of notice.

  Until ... this conversation took place in 2009:

  DYASH™to DYASH™'s Brother: "Who is playing Cobra Commander in the new G.I. Joe movie [The Rise of Cobra]?"

  D's B: "I can't remember his name, but you would know him if you saw him. Go look him up. He seems like your type."

  DYASH™: Okay ...

  After DYASH™ looked you up JGL: GUD LAWD!!!!!!! LOOK AT HOW HE GREW UP!!!!!

  So we watched 500 Days of Summer.

  What did we say when you came on screen? "GUD LAWD thank you for that face!!!!!!!!!"

  Then we discovered one of our favorite movies: Latter Days. You were a total jerk in that movie ... but you also were SO HOT™!!!!

  Next came Inception. We definitely are Leo people at DYASH™, but you sure as hell did the impossible by taking our eyes off him a good bit of that movie. How? By being so damn hot. 

  Then you made us nearly pass out in The Dark Knights Rises. You played that role perfectly, and you played it hot. [***SPOILER ALERT***:] We saw the Robin thing coming. But by doing it so all pitch perfectly, we didn't mind. We love Batman movies ... all Batman movies ... no matter what. But you added to that in The Dark Knight Rises.

  We love you, JGL. You are so hot, and you seem like a cool guy. You even have a band.  Awe-someness.

  But what finally pushed us over the edge to turning you into a DYASH™ guy? Scroll back to the top of this page and look at that pic again.

  :-o

  You got hotter somehow.

  Dude, You Are So Hot™.

  DYASHguy.

  P.S.: Thanks for that SNL opening. 

[dyashguy-blog]

WE BACK!!!!!!

Hey, y'all, 

It's been an interesting few months for the DYASH™crew. 

First of all, Bradley Cooper guy (BCg) turned out to be a terrible human being. (Hint: That's like the worst thing DYASH™says about a person -- bad human being.) Calling BCg a user really is an insult to his skill at manipulation, misdirection, and all-around user-ism. We don't use a lot of curse words at DYASH™, but BCg  is a straight-up asshole. 

Not a super fun time when that became apparent. 

So in the wake of that storm, what did DYASH™wind up doing? DYASH™wound up in bizarre emotional affair with an engaged dude. ("WHAT!?!?!" You must be screaming at the screen right now; and all we can do is hang our heads in shame.) We never did anything physical, but the emotional cheating was full, complete, ugly, and wrong. 

  Yikes.

So DYASH™was in an fragile state as all of that was happening basically simultaneously. What, of course, had to happen as all of that was exploding in our faces like the end of a good date? The SuperDouche decides to show up and be all sensitive and caring and supportive.

[Sigh]

That didn't end well. As a matter of fact, none of that ended well. 

And DYASH™should have known that was the inevitable ending. 

So what will DYASH™be wearing for the foreseeable future?

Bad Idea Jeans. 

DYASHguy. 

P.S.: You should even wear a condom if you don't know when the next time is you'll be back in Haiti. (F*ing love that SNL skit.)

[dyashguy-blog]

Naval Academy Dudes, You Are So Hot™

Dear Naval Academy Guys:

  Dudes, You Are So Hot™.

  My father and brother were in the Army. My father then moved on to become a police officer. My best friend is a firefighter. I grew up in a military town transfixed by my neighbors’ fathers and their jobs.

  You know what all that mean, NAGs? I’ve got a thing for men in uniforms. The very idea of them makes me unconsciously gooey inside.

  It’s not on purpose, but it’s very real.

  So a few years ago when I decided to take a day trip with a group of friends to Annapolis to tour the United States Naval Academy I nearly went into shock by the time we made it to the front of Bancroft Hall. And once I realized Bancroft Hall is the world’s largest dormitory and it was at that very moment full of uniform-wearing hotties, everything really did turn out ok. Yes … I passed out from hyperventilation, but I didn’t hit my head too hard. I was lucky.

  [As a side note, dudes, I’ll mention I was not out of the closet to myself at that time. I’m not quite sure how my reaction to being at the Naval Academy didn’t seal the deal — but I went almost 10 more years before I admitted that I didn’t “just like admiring a beautiful male form as inspiration for what I could look like.” Wow … I’m embarrassed just reading that delusion again.]

  Y’all are all so hot. And I love that you work at it. You guys don’t just live off your natural gorgeousness. Nope … you’re up before the sunrise working hard on PT.

  Now I get that you’re not up that early because you want to be smoking hot — that’s not your primary reason. You’re up because you are fighting to keep this country and our way of life safe from Chinese communists and Ahmadinejad. But the beauty that is a side effect is so nice to look at.

   We at DYASH™ truly appreciate your sacrifices, and your selflessness. We appreciate each and every one of you there today, those who have come before, and those who will follow for generations to come.

  We can’t get enough of looking at you guys, but that’s not the real reason we love you. We love you because you are this country’s very best. You and your brothers and sisters at the other service academies, enlisted men an women, officers, everyone who is keeping us safe and free around the world at great sacrifice — we love you all.

  Thank you … and Happy Veterans Day.

  We also specifically have to thank you for that climbing-the-greased-obelisk (the Herndon Monument) tradition you all have your first-year midshipmen engage in every year. It’s so good, y’all. Do that year after year after year after year … please.

  Why? Why do we love that so much? Because you have your shirts off, and we get a chance to see yet again that, Dudes, You Are So Hot™.

  DYASHguy.

  P.S.: Y’all realize that is a greased obelisk with half naked men trying to climb to the top and put a hat on the tip, right? We like the metaphor of putting a hat on top — it promotes safe sex. But we hope that is silicone or water based grease, because oil-based grease is not considered safe these day.

  But seriously, that’s pretty gay (and we mean that in a gay-positive way, of course).  Every year homosexual men are gathered around our computers pressing refresh all day waiting for the official pic to come up on the Washington Post Web site. Y’all know that right?

  Good …

  So y’all did that as an annual, subtextual apology for discriminating against gays?

  Oh … okay.   Well don’t stop now … you still have generations of apologizing to do. Y’all were real bad to gays for a l-o-n-g time. So keep putting that hat on the tip and remembering not to use oil based lube … we mean grease. 

P.P.S: Thanks for being nice to the gays now. It sincerely is appreciated. 

The normalcy of this ring dance photo made us a little misty. 

[dyashguy-blog]

DYASH™: Worth 1,000 Words Veterans Day Edition

Dear American Military,

Happy Veterans Day ...

Ummm ... don't ... mind ... us ... we're a ... little ... flustered.

Thanks for ... uhhhhh ... serving ... us beyond ... what we ... deserve ... so ... selflessly, and stuff ...

:-o

DYASHguy. 

P.S.: Oh ... one more thing —

The American military is DYASH Approved™. 

[dyashguy-blog]

Eli Roth, You Are So Hot

  Dear Eli Roth,

  Dude, You Are So Hot™.

  We are the youngest in our family, Eli. So when we were young (say … before about age 10 … when our parents decided work was important and they were too exhausted to do that and child rearing so they chose work) we strictly were forbidden from watching scary movies. If our parents were successful at anything, it was making us completely disinterested in horror films. As such, we never really developed a taste for scary movies because somehow we never really were exposed to them.

  We are unfamiliar with your oeuvre, Li-li. We are unfamiliar with your work at its most passionate — and that kind of sucks.

  You know what doesn’t suck? You know what we are familiar with, Eli? That would happen to be the beauty of Brad Pitt and Micheal Fassbender. Which means our first real exposure to you was when for entire stretches of the movie Inglorious Basterds you stole our attention away from the two of them, which is really f*ing hard to do.

  You received the DYASH™ “Who is THAT?™" award when we first saw you on screen as Donny "The Bear Jew" Donowitz in IB. (We hand the Who is THAT?™ award to super-hot hotties the first time we are presented with their supra-natural beauty for the first time. The awardee has to be someone we lament not being exposed to earlier. That certainly is you, Eli. )

Since this is DYASH™, of course we did some research on you once we knew you are hot and realized you have talent, too. It’s just mainly in something we can’t appreciate: horror movies. 

  But we do appreciate drive and quality. We think it’s cool you won a Student Academy Award in Division III while in college. (We’re not super sure specifically what that means, but we certainly don’t have one, so color us impressed.)  We love that fact even more because it was for a movie (Restaurant Dogs, your NYU senior thesis) that paid homage to Quentin Tarantino movie (Resevoir Dogs).

  (We LOVE Tarantino movies. Just because we don’t like horror movies doesn’t mean we don’t love Tarantino’s absolutely perfect use of extreme, over-the-top gore. Except for Grindhouse. Didn’t see it. Too horror-y for us.)  

  We really respect that fact that you have made some really good films there is no way in hell we’ll ever see, but that people consider very well done: Cabin Fever, Hostel, and Hostel II.

  We really do love professional excellence, ER. But we love it most when it is combined with utter hotness.

  You’re f*ing hot, Eli. Our most favorite part of your hotness? We love that you can mix it up, as seen in the looks below:

 Casual Eli

      Sexually Pensive Eli 

      Socially Conscious Clean-Shaven Eli

      Knows the Cameras Will Be There So He Looks Hot But Is Trying to Pretend Like He's Not Looking Smoking Hot Eli

    About To Gut A Nazi With Brad Pitt Eli

    And our personal Favorite — Award Season Eli

Oh … yeah … we love us some you, Eli. Those picture just reconfirmed it.

  We also think you are a bit of a beauty role model. Eli, you’re 40. We were shocked when we found that out, because you don’t look like many of the 40-year-olds we know. But you are further proof that 40 can — and should — be hot.

  Stay with your passion, ER, which is scaring the s* out of people … but we won’t be one of those folks. We will be waiting for your next Inglorious Basterds-like performance for people who like our gore in non-horror situations. (Yes, we’re clapping for you right now, Quentin Tarantino.)

  But, please do us a couple of favors, Eli … (1) keep going to the gym and (2) keep going to whomever makes your hair look so damn perfect. Okay?

  Dude, You Are so Hot™.

  DYASHguy.  

P.S.: Happy Halloween, Mr. Director-Scream-King-Guy

[dyashguy-blog]

DYASH™: Worth 1,000 Words

Dear Brad Pitt,

I am so gay for you ... I guess I'm gay for everyone, but especially for you.

HOW DO YOU STILL LOOK SO HOT AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?!?!?!?!? 

Damn ... :-o

DYASHguy.

P.S.: We at DYASH™ wish your mom was as cool as you are. She's not, though. 

[dyashguy-blog]

DYASH™: Worth 1,000 Words

At DYASH™, we don't just like to post pics of hot guys, we like to write about them. We research hot guys and discuss why their physical beauty is augmented by or notched-down by their personalities and everyday lives/histories.

But sometimes, we are so taken by the beauty of some dudes that we decide to heed that old adage that a picture is worth a thousand words.  

We had reason to look up Inglorious Basterds recently for an upcoming post. During that search, we ran into this picture of Michael Fassbender. It's worth 1,000 words. 

We feel the need to comment on it no more. 

Goodness gracious ... :-o

Damn. 

DYASHguy. 

[dyashguy-blog]

Alan Ritchson, You Are So Hot

Hey Alan Ritchson,

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

We think Jesus designed you specifically for us. We kinda love you. Seriously …

Yep.

Ok … there are things in life that are super special to us:

1.     Superheroes  — we were a gay kid in a less tolerant time who didn’t really grow up with male role models. Yikes … not a recipe for learning how to blend into elementary school, junior high school, or high school, is it? No. So we fell in love with superheroes.

2.     Abercrombie & Fitch — when we came out of the closet, we were a little bit fat. So we started working out and running. How did we know when we’d accomplished something? When our formerly fat booty and tummy were gliding effortlessly into Abercrombie, which is solely and completely clothing for super-skinny people.

3.     Football — we love us some dang football at Dude, You’re So Hot. Once our high school best friend explained the game to us in 10th grade, we were hooked. And, oddly, not because of all the hard bodies stuffed in skin-tight unis. We just love the game.

4.     American Idol before it jumped the shark.

[Ouch … sorry AI production team but it became official with the Cary-Minaj fracas. Even hearing about Mariah and Nicki fighting was boring, because it was too predictable. It confirmed I will not be watching the show anymore. Good luck, but I’ll be unwrapping my memories of the glory years when I want to enjoy AI in the future.]

So, Ritch, what does all that have to do with you, and why we do think we are in love with you?

Let’s go in order:

1.     Superheroes — you played Aquaman (aside for all the haters:  AQUAMAN IS A TOTALLY UNDERRATED SUPERHERO) on Smallville, a show we loved so much sometimes we were shaking by the end of the credits. The first time we saw you as Arthur Curry, we felt like a bowl of curry. Thank you for doing justice to a character we love, who even as a superhero is an underdog.

2.     Abercrombie & Fitch — what do we have piled up in our house because we can’t bring ourselves to throw them away? Abercrombie bags. We can’t tell the difference between Abercrombie bags and art. The men on them are so beautiful. You were an Abercrombie model, Alan. And a damn good one, too. Thanks for keeping it beautiful enough to be an Abercrombie model. And by the way, we think you’re more handsome now than even at your Abercrombie peak.

3.     Football — you played linebacker Thad Castle on Spike TV’s Blue Mountain State. First of all that show barely missed being classified as gay porn. Loved it. Second, Thad struck us as a guy who was coming to grips with his sexuality. He was a d-bag, but that douchiness always struck us as cover for his insecurity about his secret (that he is gay). Are we overanalyzing Blue Mountain State? Yep … we’ll admit it. But we liked that you could subtly add some depth to that show while playing someone others might have turned into a banal cartoon of a character.

4.     American Idol — you made it to Hollywood week on AI. ‘Nuff said. 

  So you hit all our bases, Alan. You’re kind of made of us.

We also respect that you don’t really have a problem playing gay characters.  Thad Castle was put in some homoerotic situations, and we can’t find where you ever complained about that. Even more directly, though, you played an outright gay character — with a kiss and everything — in season 3 of 90210. You’re straight, but you treat gay characters (even closeted douchebags) with depth and sensitivity.  That’s really f*ing cool of you, Alan.

  When we were starting this blog, Tumblr made us choose a little pic that could be used as an icon. We chose your chest without even thinking about it. Because of that, we refer to you as “the Icon” at DYASH™.

Goodness gracious … we just found out you did the voice for Aquaman in the totally awesome animated movie Justice League: The New Frontier (a super-great superhero movie based on a John F. Kennedy speech). Why are you so damn perfect for us?

[Sigh] … we get a little dreamy and distracted when we think about you, Alan. Why? Because, Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy. 

P.S.: Did we mention you look so much better now than when you were younger?

[dyashguy-blog]

Bryce Harper, You Are So Hot

Hey Bryce Harper, No. 34 of the Washington Nationals,  

  We know you realize it, but, Dude, You Are So Hot™.

  Ok, we are real sure we should think you’re a douche. Your confidence in your ability is otherworldly — it resets the scale, BH. And we’re sure it’s not the first time you’ve heard that.

  But here’s the thing, Bryce, we LOVE you. Please don’t get us wrong, either. We’re not saying we love you despite the fact that we think you’re a d* (a al Ryan “Hot But a Douche” Lochte) because you’re hot.

  Nope.

  We love the fact that you’re hot, but we also LOVE your confidence. We think it makes you so hotter. It certainly makes you decidedly awesome.

  On some people, extreme confidence makes their presence unbearable. Yet on others it becomes endearing. We’re not quite sure why or how who winds up being which one or where the line is, but we do know it’s true. We apply the Potter Stewart Pornography test to those situations: We can’t define it, but we know it when we see it. And, Bryce, your confidence is endearing.

  What on Earth is the deal with all that eye-black that you often wear during games? We don’t know, but we love it.

  What is the deal with your look-at-me haircut?  We don’t know, but we love it.

  What is the deal with the way you sneeringly dismiss sports journalists who are just doing their jobs by interviewing you? We don’t know, but we love it.

  “That’s a clown question, bro,” is real close to being a quote of the year. We loved it. We saved the YouTube link of you saying that and played it over and over.

  Then you filled this post-season with that ol’ Harper brashness by b*slapping a reporter, dismissively saying, “Maybe you should be the hitting coach,” after he asked if you were overanxious at during postseason at-bats. We loved how you looked for one second like you were seriously considering his query, but then you very smoothly moved into a perfect putdown. You followed that by sliding into another question from a different reporter with equal suave — ignoring the fact that you had just tossed a top-ten verbal walk-off beating to someone.

  It’s things like that leading us to look at you and think, “We f*ing love that guy!”

  We do ... 

  You stole home as a rookie for goodness sakes. No one steals home. But it was awesome. And you forced people to start using words like, “Natitude.” What the f* is “Natitude”? We can’t say for sure, but we know it when we see it — and you are it. And somehow you get away with it — people gush over you because of it — whereas anyone else who tried to match your level of Natitude might get a little bit hated.

  Washington loves it’s football team — you know, the one with the racist mascot. It’s hard to get DCers to pry their attention away from their beloved occupants of FedEx Field — especially now that the media friendly and so hot RGIII is helming the offense. But your Nationals are finding a way to do it (partially), and that has a lot to do with you.

  We realize you haven’t had the best post season — we’ve been watching, because we’re Nats fans — but we don’t care. We know you’ll be back. We have a feeling you’ll lead out team to heights we never believed possible. Thanks for that.

  But always stay sexy when the cameras are pointed at you, Bryce. It’s natural ... we know you don’t have to try. So let us feed your healthy ego by saying publicly: Dude, You Are So Hot.™ 

DYASHguy.

  P.S.: Did you really have a custom Mercedes AMG made with BAM 34 on the back? Damn we love you. We would put up with anything to marry you. Seriously — that's legal in DC. 

P.P.S.: Do you even drive a sexy truck? We love that! 

Damnit come on, marry us. Just say yes ... 

Do you know how much time we're willing to spend feeding your ego?

[dyashguy-blog]

Anthony Mackie, You Are So Hot

Hey Anthony Mackie,

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

We never saw the movie Avatar. Why? Because we saw the movie The Hurt Locker. Huh? What do we mean by that?

Ok, we saw The Hurt Locker and thought it was utter and complete genius. We love us some hot men in situations that make them sweat (goodness gracious, if anyone hasn’t seen Generation Kill, you have to ... two words to illustrate why: shirtless Skaarsgard) but we also love good writing. We don’t want to see a vapid movie no matter how hot the actors in it are.

[Ok … ok … we need an aside here: We will argue until the end of time that Magic Mike was well written and directed. We admit to loving us some Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer, but aside from that they were in a good movie that was creatively assembled by an amazing team. Yes, Kathy, we’re looking at you. Aside over.]

So we loved The Hurt Locker, and we at DYASH™are nothing if not loyal. When we found out that schlock Avatar was our favorite movie of the year’s main competition for the Oscar, we refused to see Avatar, because it was the enemy. We're really serious about our Oscar fights at DYASH™. So much so we still haven’t seen Avatar because we don’t want our loyalty to The Hurt Locker questioned.

Just wanted that on the table.

Now, we love Jeremy Renner. So we were transfixed by him in The Hurt Locker (and everything he has ever done cinematically), but The Hurt Locker was not a one hottie movie.

The first time you came on screen, we were like … :-o … and we thought to ourselves, “Who the f* is THAT?!?!?!” It turned out to be one Anthony Mackie. (HEY! THAT’S YOU!!!)

It’s not easy to tear our attention from Jeremy Renner when he is on the screen, but you managed to do it. Good work on being that so hot, Anthony.

There’s something you need to know about us, though. We are total comic book movie geeks. Some people reading this may not know why we are mentioning that, but you do.

Who’s playing the Falcon/Sam Wilson in the next Captain America movie with Chris Evans? That would be … you.

Between switching our attention from you to Evans back to you, we’re not going to hear ANY dialogue. And when the paramedics have to remove us from the theater, we’re going to miss the end of the movie. 

We want to mention that it’s totally awesome that you get to play mainstream comics’ first American black superhero. Supercool, dude, supercool.

And we probably won’t see you only in the next Captain America movie. We’ll probably also get to see you in the Avengers sequel.

Anthony Mackie in two movies wearing a skintight superhero suit?

God is good … all the time.

Anthony Mackie … Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy.

P.S.: When you’re being fitted for the Falcon suit, would you mind looking at the costumer designer and saying, “Is there any way for you to give this a snugger fit,” even if it doesn’t need it? Thanks. 

[dyashguy-blog]

Dierks Bentley, You Are So Hot

Hey Dierks Bentley,

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

We're going to admit that we didn't always feel that way, D. We've always loved you, though, so don't get us wrong. You are an amazing musician, we've always thought that.

    We just didn't think you were hot.

  What was the problem? It was the way-too-long period you had shaggy hair.

Please don't take this the wrong way, because we really have always found you vaguely cute: But before you had your makeover, you looked more like a Muppet come to life who we wanted to invite over for football watching — as opposed to inviting you over so we could stare at you. (We love the Muppets by the way — Hey, Sam the Eagle...)

You were going for floppy former frat boy, as opposed to sultry, brooding country star. That's okay. It kind of worked. We loved your albums ... we owned your albums. We weren't distracted from the music.

  But you just weren't hot, dude.

Sorry.

We don't know what happened, and we don't know exactly when it happened, but something did happen. (We think it had to do with your 2005 marriage to Cassidy Black.)

All we know is we turned on CMT one Saturday, and we saw a dude interviewing one of the hottest men we'd ever seen. We sat there trying to figure out who it was, but had absolutely no idea. Then the host referred to you as "Dierks," and we nearly fell out of our bed.

We were like ... :-o ... and we said to ourselves, "When did our goofy, adorable Dierks turn into a smoking hot country stallion?"

We still don't know, but we like what we see, DB.

    Alright, we need to comment on a couple of your songs.

The night the SuperDouche left us standing out in the cold, we had your song, "Settle for a Slowdown," playing in your heads. It provided us a lot of comfort in the immediate aftermath of his gutting our heart from our chest. So thanks for that — seriously, a lot. In appreciation for the salve your song provided, we want to make it a DYASH Approved Breakup Song™. We've always appreciated your music, but that song made us dedicated Dierks Bentley fans. 

  The next song is, "Tip It On Back." We consider that song a masterpiece.

We have loved all of your songs from the album, "Home," but we consider, "Tip It On Back," a creation apart from the rest. It is a bittersweet song we find perfectly timed for this era. During the aftermath of the Great Recession and its plateauing recovery, "Tip It On Back," is an amazing fit. It is part sorrowful and blue, while also being hopeful and fun all at the same time. When we hear, "Tip It On Back," it makes us think: Life ain't perfect right now, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy ourselves occasionally and appreciate the people around us always.

"Home," by far is your best work yet, and we consider, "Tip It On Back" the point of a well-honed spear.

Great job, Dierks.

So we guess that means we want to invite you over to watch football still, but we'd wind up staring at you instead of the game. And that doesn't bother us in the least.

Why, DB?

Because, Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy.

P.S.: Congrats on becoming a dad for the second time this summer. 

[dyashguy-blog]

DYASH Advice™: Know When to Be Modest ... Like at a Wedding

Rubem Robierb and Sam Champion

Hey, y'all,

We're super happy for Good Morning America weatherman Sam Champion. Not only did he come out of the closet (we think ... we don't remember him ever talking about his sexuality before now) but he also added an awesome two-fer: (1) showing off his so hot photographer boyfriend Rubem Robierb; and (2) announcing his engagement/wedding later this year.

YAY for Sam and Rubem! :-D

Here's the not so nice part — and here comes the DYASH Advice™: 

Ummmm ... Sam, next time you want to make an announcement that major, let's not do it at someone else's wedding — which you did at Thomas Roberts and Patrick Abner's ceremony. Really, dude?  You achieved another two-fer by doing that: (1) Your actions were cartoonishly gay and (2) also cartoonishly bitchy.

You need to do better than that, Sam.

Let us refine the above paragraphs into something a little more focused and pithy —DYASH Advice™: Don't talk about your wedding at someone else's wedding. Period.

Sam, you hijacked TR and Patrick's wedding in a way that makes you look like you needed some of their attention pointed at you. "Hey, cameras, I'm gay, too, and I'm getting married, too. Did you see my hot boyfriend, too? I'm in the news business and gay. Hey, guys, don't you want to look at me." That's what you looked like, Sam.

The stories about Patrick and TR's wedding shouldn't have included major announcements about or by any of their guests. Those stories should totally have been about the two of them. But that's not what happened because you had to do your own twirl on the floor for everyone to see. 

Seriously, dude? We gays just started getting access to this whole marriage-equality thing, and you're already sabotaging other people's wedding days? Naw, dawg, people got to get called out when they go and do s* like that: That was just wrong.

Have some decorum next time, Sam.

Have you even apologized?

Since you love two-fers, Sam, we're going to give you a two-fer in this post:

(1) The aforementioned DYASH Advice™: "Don't talk about your wedding at someone else's wedding. Period."

And

(2) You are DYASH Disapproved™, dude, and a total douche. For weather, we recommend DYASH™ readers turn to Jim Cantore and his jacked arms (below)  of the Weather Channel.

  We're really bothered by what you did, Sam, and as a southerner you should have known better. Therefore, we have to render a verdict and punishment: For your extreme transgression against a DYASH Approved SuperCouple™, you, Sam Champion, will never be referred to as so hot by DYASH™ on any platform.

We'll hold in abeyance a decision about whether you will descend into the territory of DYASH SuperDouche™ (something achieved as of now solely by a past boyfriend who f*ed us over).

From what we could tell — and we may be misreading this, but we don't think we are — Rubem seemed embarrassed by your unnecessary queenery at the Roberts-Abner nuptuals.

For that ... Rubem, we're going to admit the first thing we thought when we saw you: Dude, You Are So Hot™.

And ... we know, we know ... that totally makes Sam a winner in the end, but whatever. We'll still never respect Sam Champion no matter how lucky he is at love. (We just straight up cannot abide by someone committing an offense against a DYASH Approved SuperCouple™.) 

DYASHguy.

P.S.: Hey Patrick and Thomas, how does it feel to be the first DYASH Approved SuperCouple™?

[dyashguy-blog]

A DYASH Top 8 List™: America's Hottest Newsmen

Hey y'all,

All that talk about Thomas Roberts yesterday got us wondering who were America's hottest newsmen. And since this is DYASH™ — and we don't do things halfway — we decided to look for local as well as national personalities. 

So here's what we learned after exhaustive researching: News is hot ... and local news is especially so hot. We expected to make one of the big national anchors No. 1 on our list. But when we saw one local anchor we were like ... :-o ... We actually became speechless.

Thomas Roberts does not qualify for this list. He already has gotten enough attention on this blog. We came up with that rule before our searching started. But after we saw the eventual No. 1 we wondered if we would have chosen TR over him. 

Who knows, though? It's like choosing a favorite between light gray and a-little-bit-lighter gray. Just enjoy ... 

Without further adieu here is the DYASH Top 8 List™ of hot newsmen: 

===

No. 8:

Hey Ryan Nobles of NBC News 12 in Richmond, Virginia, 

Those are some of the best dimples in TV news. And in a business known for good teeth, yours stand out. On top of all that you're really good at your job! Thanks for being the complete package, Ry. We like you. 

Dude, You Are So Hot™. 

DYASHguy. 

==

No. 7:

Hey Richard Liu of MSNBC, 

Ummm ... you're really so hot, Richard, and you have a great sense of style. We love both those qualities. But despite how f*ing attractive you are, we find ourselves most attracted to your academic resume: degrees from UC Berkeley (BA) and the University of Michigan (MBA), which you are now supplementing with a seal of approval from Stanford (International Security). You had us at beautiful ... you locked us down at smart. 

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy.

==

No. 6: 

Hey Sven Sundgaard, meteorologist of KARE 11 in Minneapolis and St. Paul, Minnesota, 

It was really easy to find shirtless photos of you on the internet. Thanks for that Sven. They are enjoyable. 

  Seriously, we don't have any problem with that, Sven. Good work. 

  Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy. 

==

No. 5: 

Hey Miguel Marquez formerly of ABC News, 

Wow ... that pic of you slowed us down for a minute or two. 

You're really so hot, Miguel, but we also respect you at DYASH™. You were attacked in the Middle East while covering the Arab Spring during an on-air report. How did you respond? By staying on the phone and continuing to report.

Sir, you are a badass.   

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy. 

==

No. 4:

Hey Don Lemons of CNN, 

Ok ... we need to point this out for our readers: You are 46 years old and you are nuclear scorching hot. Thank you for being an example for 40 year olds who think they have to give up. Nope ... we point to you and Thomas Roberts. The forties can and should be hot. 

But back to you. We really appreciate you taking a very brave step out of the closet. It's not especially easy to be both black and gay — both the black and gay communities are kind of dismissive of folks who are both. By leading a forcefully quiet, solid, important but normal life you are telling both the black and gay communities to get over themselves when it comes to how they treat gay black men and black lesbians.

We're only intimating it right now ... we'll let others use the word hero first. 

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy. 

==

No. 3: 

Hey Anderson Cooper of CNN, 

Honestly, so much has been said about you over the years, we're going to admit we have nothing else to add right now. We'll just ask people to enjoy your picture.  

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy. 

==

No. 2: 

Hey Adam Joseph, meteorologist of WPVI in Philadephia,

You are amazingly hot, guy, but we don't think the above picture quite captures your beauty. We think we'll give a more comprehensive version of your hotness by sharing this picture of you showing the world how to stay in shape:

  ... Oh my ...

  Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy. 

==

Who could beat that for goodness sakes?

==

  No. 1: 

Hey Jeff Lennox of WSVN in South Florida, 

:-o

... damn ... 

Dude, You Are So Hot™.

DYASHguy.