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dysphoric-culture-is · 4 months
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I saw from the tags on the tdor reblog that mod started hrt recently! Congratulations, I hope it’s everything and more that mod expected and that mod is happy :)
Thank you! It's been a couple months but mod has also been off of Tumblr for a while.
It's been really nice. Mod hopes to make a big 'getting on HRT/how it's has helped mod's dysphoria' post sometime but who know when that'll be. In the meantime, to any pre-transition people watching: hold out hope, it took mod forever too.
And happy TDOR!
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dysphoric-culture-is · 4 months
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Can I do one of those sappy "highlight/visibility" posts? It's not my usual vibe, but this is my first transgender day of remembrance since starting HRT and coming out to a few friends, and it has me feeling some kind of way.
So here's to the trans people that didn't "know they were different" from day one. The ones that don't have the stories about playing with dolls, or monster trucks, or wearing clothes atypical for their AGAB. The ones who took their first doses of estrogen and didn't have an immediate parting of the clouds, or lifting of a fog, but rather started a journey.
The trans people that had a growing seed of discomfort and no words to describe it. The ones with the vague horror of inhabiting a body that was betraying them but didn't know in what way. The ones that may have dissociated to cope and buried it deep.
The ones who are fighting and navigating through it now. The ones who are still unsure to take that first step.
The ones who figured it out on the other side. The ones who had to chisel and create who they were. The ones with a complicated relationship with their actual gender in addition to their AGAB. The ones who created who they are, and came out as a happy, loving person, despite not feeling like their identity was "defined" somewhere internally.
You are not alone, you are loved, and you are supported. You *will* make it, and you will be happier for it. You are welcome in this community, no matter what. You have the right to discover yourself. Your pain is real, but your identity is too. Every trans experience is different and beautiful in its own way.
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dysphoric-culture-is · 7 months
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Not dysphoric culture, sorry, but does mod have any tips on socially transitioning, especially in school? I’m not even out yet, but I like to make plans for what I’m gonna do to make me feel less stuck in the closet, but I’ve only ever really thought about medical transition and don’t really know how to go about socially transitioning. (Afab, nonbinary, want to be perceived as neutral/masculine, if that’s any help)
Don’t apologize anon, mod is here to (try) to give advice!
Mod actually came out at school a couple of years ago (a conservative middle/high school where mod was one of the first publicly out not binary people) so. Here is some stuff.
Support:
Find a good friend group, and ideally also a decent guidance counselor who will not out you before you’re ready
Some fake friends will continue to misgender and deadname you. If this continues for months on end and you keep reminding them, they may not be a real friend
Meet other queer and trans people in your school! Join a GSA/acceptance club if there’s one! Find a trans person in your school that’s older than you and ask them for advice!!
Older trans people in your school can sometimes help you buy gender-affirming products (ex: if they can have it shipped to their house and can use their card, and then you pay them back in cash, for safety reasons etc) or queer merch.
If you want your name and gender marker to be changed in the school’s system you often have to go through the guidance department. Depending on where you live you do not need parental consent for this and do not let the guidance department bully you into it. You shouldn't need a court order either
Google classroom/digitization of education has made life harder for trans students because you will see the wrong name and pronouns listed everywhere. Schools with ID cards have this problem but worse because even if you cover up the name with a sticker, whenever your ID is scanned it will out you. Some places even require students to scan IDs to use the bathroom- a double nightmare for trans students.
Student pictures are cringe. Try to dress as gender-affirming as possible for picture day and remember that you’re likely only being photographed from the shoulders up (chest dysphoria = not your biggest problem)
Not all school systems have a nonbinary marker. Mod’s school pretended not to have one and it took some digging and anxious waiting to get one (mod has since gotten it, is one of the first students in the school’s history to have one, and is spreading resources to other trans and nonbinary students in the school community). For you anon if you can’t get an X/O/N/etc marker you can get a M, which may not be completely accurate but it might make you less dysphoric as compared to a F
Yearbooks might have pre-transition photos of you or even elementary school photos of you so try to speak to someone on the yearbook committee/club about it. Senior year in general can be a nightmare if you’re trans/nb because so many pictures are taken of you and a lot of old photos/letters are dug up
The uncomfortable stuff:
You need to use the bathroom especially if you do after-school activities. This is non-negotiable and far too many trans people (especially transmascs + nonbinary people who were AFAB) get UTIs by avoiding the bathroom all day. Using a public bathroom may be dysphoria inducing but having to see a urologist/gynecologist is much worse. But it’s true that school bathrooms suck! Find one that is the least suck-y (clean, not used very often, ideally gender-neutral) and try to use that one. Not all schools have a gender neutral bathroom, and the ones that do may only have one dirty, single-person bathroom for the entire school (like mod’s). For your case specifically anon if you feel you pass well enough/don’t pass but have enough support at school you can try to use the men’s room. The thing about using the men’s restroom is you have to walk in with confidence (fake confidence is okay too!) and act unbothered.
Mod has never heard of a gender-neutral school locker room, at least below the college level, ever. The good thing is that a lot of students no longer have to change for gym, or that some schools will give nonbinary students the option of changing in the gender neutral bathroom instead. (At mod’s school, their ‘nonbinary inclusive’ policy [which likely did not exist until mod asked about it] is that nonbinary students can choose which gendered locker room they’d like to use! How very inclusive and totally not avoiding the problem! [sarcasm]) You can ask a gym teacher to keep your bag in their office or leave your bag in the gym to avoid the locker rooms.
Your peers:
They might be transphobic, they might be supportive, or they might just not care. Either way they will probably misgender you purely because they knew you pre-transition. Mod has people in school that mod went to elementary school with and many of them are literally the worst. It's a horrible feeling to know that some people will always see you as [deadname and what your AGAB was] even if you 'pass' or correct people. But unless you transfer to another school there is nothing you can do about that.
Just find people who support you, ideally fellow trans people, and ignore those guys.
Transitioning:
You've probably seen a bunch of tips for gender presentation and might have done some already. For masculine/masc-leaning neutral some are: men's clothing, shorter hair, makeup to contour, binding/packing, layered clothing, etc. Some behavioral changes are voice training (do not rely only on T to change your voice if that's your plan!), taking on more masculine speech patterns, walking more confidently, exercising (target certain areas to create a more masculine shape), etc.
The actual coming out part:
Coming out is scary. Friends can encourage you, but you also have to come out to them first.
Most teachers mod has talked to about being queer have been at least polite/tolerant about it. There hasn’t been any outright hostility, but there has been more subtle transphobia. And mod uses neopronouns in a conservative place! The only major issue was when mod sent a teacher an email about mod’s pronouns + nb inclusive curriculum and he sent the email to the principal without asking (wild stuff. He agreed to use they/them for mod, but also denied taking responsibility for his curriculum excluding queer people).
If you want to come out at school but not at home, you can email/talk to your teachers in person and tell them to call you ___ in school and your deadname/wrong pronouns in front of your parents. Some counselors will email your teachers for you if you’re scared of your parents reading your emails/searching your device
You can write your chosen name almost wherever you want! You do not need it changed it the system to use it and especially if you’re writing on paper you can use it.
You are your biggest advocate! You need to get really good at standing up for yourself. Catering to or being nice to transphobes will usually not help you. You will probably need to push people: 'my pronouns are ____' not 'I prefer ____', 'what is the policy on nonbinary students, and if one doesn't exist how are we going to make one' not 'is there a nonbinary policy', 'I will wear the _____ uniform' not 'is it ok for trans people to wear the _____ uniform', 'call me ____' not 'um I have a preferred name and it's ____ is that okay', 'how will you make room for me' not 'can you make room for me' etc. It is not rude to be assertive! Transphobes will call you rude for simply existing in a way they don't like. Make sure to be clear about what you need and don't give them room to evade your requests. Nonbinary students who will come to your school several years from now will thank you.
It’s good that you’re planning ahead for coming out anon because that can make it less overwhelming, but overthinking can also really get you. If planning your coming out (which may or may not happen soon) starts to only stress you out and not give you any joy then you maybe need to take a break.
There's a lot more stuff but this is just a general overview so if you have more specific questions please send in another ask! Good luck anon!
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dysphoric-culture-is · 7 months
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hey pro tip if ur dysphoric i promise you you don’t have to test it. that clothing item is not gonna be the magical one that makes ur dysphoria go away and make you fine with your assigned gender. i promise you you can put it down. you don’t have to keep trying
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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btw the biggest lie you will ever be told about being trans is that transitioning will make you ugly. that could not be further from the truth: i never got compliments on my appearance ever, but after i transitioned, began dressing like myself, wore my hair the way i wanted to, and especially started T, i have gotten more compliments than i ever have before in my life. people can tell when you look like yourself, like who you're meant to be. it's beautiful, attractive, and sexy. transition will not make you "ugly". it will make you yourself, and that's inherently beautiful
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Hey to the anon who sent in the ask about coming out at school, mod is working on it! It’s a very long response but will hopefully be out next week.
Ideally you should come out to your teachers/peers on the first day of school or earlier (ex: email your teachers your name/pronouns before school starts, or physically talk to them the first day) if you want a fresh start to your year so hopefully mod isn’t too late.
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Random survey for everyone! Not exclusive to trans/nb people.
If you've got 5 minutes to spare, could I interest you in a short survey about titles? Everyone of any age, gender or location is invited, and it's open until at least Monday 14th August 2023.
You can see a spreadsheet of participation (including a little bit of demographic data) here.
Thank you!
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Dysphoric but your family knows it and doesn’t care culture is: knowing exactly what’s wrong, knowing what you can do to fix it, but not being able to do a damn thing about it till you can move out - @auggieoof
Dysphoric culture is!
Also, transphobic family sucks. In general kids are pretty powerless and when older family members abuse their power to stop you from transitioning it is so so horrible. You just feel unloved but can’t do anything until you’re 18 and/or have a job.
Good luck moving out August! Hopefully you can find small things to bring you euphoria in the meantime.
Plus mod’s personal experience with this, under the cut because it’s kind of vent-y:
Mod’s family delayed mod from legally+medically transitioning for long enough that the relationship was (probably permanently) damaged. And they don’t understand because they think as soon as they’ve graciously ‘’’allowed’’’ you to transition the dysphoria goes away, not realizing that being stopped from transitioning + told your transition is unimportant for years makes dysphoria worse. It’s like you have to mourn the time you lost pre-transition because you felt like you couldn’t really live/were really miserable.
It’s just common sense that delaying treatment for anything will worsen long-term outcomes and the same is true with dysphoria. Like if you’re able to start GAHT before your dysphoria is super severe you’ll prevent it from getting that bad and you’ll feel better quicker. Whereas someone who has to wait and starts with really bad dysphoria might take longer to feel better. Families sometimes just don’t care or let you steadily get worse while denying you care and it’s just…. frustrating
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Dysphoric culture is wanting a phalloplasty without a vaginectomy and not being able to find any doctors who've ever done it, and then crying because you know your ideal configuration apparently isn't a thing that happens.
I want to keep my vulva/vagina, but I still want a penis, and I can't tell you the amount of times I've cried because I don't think this type of surgery is even done or, if it is, done in the US at least. It sucks so much.
Dysphoric culture is!
Also anon, great news: this surgery is real! It’s called vagina-preserving phalloplasty or VPP.
There aren’t a ton of surgeons who perform it in the US but some (from the Crane Center in California) are listed here. There’s also someone in New York that talked about getting a vagina-preserving metoidioplasty in a news article but mod doesn’t know who their surgeon was. More info and some more surgeons are here.
More people are getting nonbinary bottom surgeries so there are slightly more resources around now. Good luck anon!
(For those wanting the opposite of this, phallus-preserving vaginoplasty exists too.)
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Hey so with the barbie movie coming out mod is once again seeing comments like “I’m nonbinary and wish I could just have flat genitalia like a doll, it would take away my dysphoria”. Mod got a dysphoric culture ask about it like 2 years ago actually and now there are more so:
This is possible.
If your transition goal is to have a complete removal of all your internal and external genitalia, there is a real surgery that people get to do that. It’s called genital nullification.
It’s also called nullectomy or nullo.
It’s not a very new or super complicated surgery. Everything is taken out/taken off and you’re left with just a hole for your urethra (where you urinate out of). The urethra may be moved as part of surgery. If you research the procedure you’ll also probably hear them talk about urethral shortening, because nullification is mostly done on cis men/transfems/nonbinary patients who require a penectomy as part of the surgery.
Now don’t get this for an aesthetic or because you like how dolls look. It takes 6-8 weeks of recovery and is as serious a decision as any other bottom surgery. More info is here and here. This website has some info and pictures (graphic warning) of nullification along with phallus-preserving vaginoplasty, another nonbinary surgery.
Hopefully this helps someone!
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Something I've struggled with in the process of transition is the idea of self-absorbtion.
If you're like me, you were raised around a high degree of toxic masculinity. Caring for yourself was not only perceived as """girly""" but narcissistic as well. Liking how you look, feeling attractive, and flirting were all traits of being pompous and vain.
It wasn't true then, and it isn't true now.
Embrace loving yourself. Feel sexy. Feel confident. Break out of the boxes and boundaries and normities that toxic masculinity has contained you in for so long.
Feeling yourself is a GREAT thing. It's genderless, it's empowering, and it's an exercise in being happy with who you are and how you've grown.
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Taking T didn't ruin my singing voice, and frankly I'm sick of folks panicking and ignoring the fact that cis boys go through two or three years where their voices are fluctuating and cracking and changing before they settle.
Your voice isn't ruined, it's changing.
If you want to make that transition easier, you gotta keep using it. Sing! Even if your voice cracks in goofy ways. Even if you have trouble placing your voice comfortably. It gets easier, I promise. Get a voice teacher (if you can) who has experience with vocal changes for pubescent cis boys if it's really making you anxious or if you're having a hard time controlling it.
To be clear, I'm not trying to be dismissive of people's emotions, nor am I trying to tell you about your own experience. If you feel something intensely, that's fair and valid. Respectfully, you should unpack that with a therapist or supportive peers.
However, when one of the main TERF tactics against transmascs is convincing trans guys that T makes you Worse in a Variety of Ways, and that you'll be ruining your body if you take it, I am EXTREMELY dubious of how many people online report any part of their body being ruined by T. Sounds suspiciously like TERF shit. And, yes, even Actual Trans People can play into TERF talking points. I'm begging y'all to stop the rampant fearmongering surrounding T.
So, after nearly a year being on T, I'm here to say that YES my voice cracks and YES my voice fluctuates and YES sometimes it feels like I have to relearn everything I knew about being a vocalist, but goddamn if I won't have fun figuring it all out, because I know this is just one stage of the transition I'm going through, and it's worth it.
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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the multigender and nonbinary communities NEED to get better at listening to intersex people. intersex people are not “biologically nonbinary”. intersex people do not exist as a gotcha for debates about gender and sex. not all intersex people are “both” male and female. non-intersex people can’t identify as intergender. please consider us when you talk about your identities
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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Some of the doctors on the list also do bottom surgeries! Check them out!
If ur like me and driving urself crazy trying to find a top surgeon but ur fat then look at transbmi. Its a short list of surgeons with high or no BMI limit (some surgeons are listed as having an unknown limit - be extra wary of them as they dont guarantee a high limit)
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dysphoric-culture-is · 8 months
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dysphoric-culture-is · 9 months
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Hello I am a little reddit slime
What are some blogs with nice and fun trans vibes I can ooze into?
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dysphoric-culture-is · 9 months
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dysphoric culture is not being able to envision yourself as old
Dysphoric culture is!
Also, very true. Mod has recently been starting to be able to envision what mod would look like with some gray hair (being around older family members helps) but it’s still like…. wow mod is going to be old??
Everyone knows they’re aging but dysphoria can make you wonder if you’re going to live that long at all. And trans people being killed young/lack of repression of older trans people doesn’t help.
Good luck getting old!
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