eclectricity - Tumblr blog

[eclectricity]

To the tune of "Wagon Wheel":

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man You win some, you lose some, it's all the same hand The pleasure is to play, it makes no difference what you say

Well I'm playing for the high one, dancin' with the devil Goin' with the flow, keep it all on the level It's all a game to me, the only card that I need

Is the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades Heyyyyyyyyyyy, The Ace of Spades

Well the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, it's the Ace of Spades Heyyyyyyyyyyy, The Ace of Spades

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools But that's the way I like it, baby, I don't wanna choose Pushin' up the ante, I know you got to see me

Well it's seven or eleven, snake eyes watching you You can double up or quit or split or take a double stake or two It's all a game to me, the only card that I need

Is the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades Heyyyyyyyyyyy, The Ace of Spades

Well the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades Heyyyyyyyyyyy, The Ace of Spades

I see it in your eyes, you take one look and die The only thing you see is a man who lies But I don't share your greed, you know it's gonna be So don't forget the joker, please Well it's seven or eleven, snake eyes watching you Read 'em and weep, it's the dead man's hand again (it's true) It's all a game to me, the only card that I need

Is the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades Heyyyyyyyyyyy, The Ace of Spades

Well the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades, the Ace of Spades, oh the Ace of Spades Heyyyyyyyyyyy, The Ace of Spades

[eclectricity]

To the tune of Brandy Clark's "Stripes":

Whoa-oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh Well she grew up tall and she grew up right With them Indiana boys on an Indiana night Had a good lookin' mama who never was around

She moved down here at the age of eighteen Blew the boys away, was more than they'd seen She said, "I dig you, baby, but I got to keep movin' on"

Well that ain't right 'Cuz those ain't the lyrics But if I could remember the words I'd be in much better spirits There's no crime of passion worth a crime of fashion so the only thing saving your life Is that I don't remember the words to I Hate Stripes

Whoa-oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh

There's pigeons down on Market Square She's standin' in her underwear Lookin' down at me from a hotel room

Well, I don't know but I've been told You never slow down, you never grow old Well the nightfall will be comin' for me soon

'Cuz I hate stripes And orange ain't my color So I'll just sing along with the chorus and swap one verse for another There's no crime of passion worth a crime of fashion so the only thing saving your life Is that I don't look good in orange, and I hate stripes

Oh honey, hell yes Got to put on that party dress Buy me a drink, sing me a song Take me as I come 'cause I can't stay long (Ooh, stripes)

Well I'm tired of screwin'' up, tired of goin' down Tired of myself, and I'm tired of this town 'Cuz I don't look good in orange, and I hate stripes Orange ain't my color And if I could remember the words to this song I wouldn't be singing the other Well it was too cold to cry when I woke up alone So I hit the last number and I walked to the road Now I'm dancin'g' with Mary Jane And that ain't right

Whoa-oh-oh, Whoa-oh-oh

[eclectricity]

I think it's bizarre how some people are so committed to the bit about work that they're genuinely not the same person outside of it.

I worked with a gal for almost 8 years, and she was universally beloved. She was everyone's "work mom" or "work wife" and had a general "no-quit" positive attitude.

When she left to be a stay at home mom, HR said it was the best exit interview they'd ever conducted. She had nothing but great things to say.

Within a year of her leaving, no one thought of her as a "sister" anymore. It wasn't that she'd gone Qanon or something dangerous, she was just a totally different (way more narcissistic) person outside of work. One that no longer put her time into trying to be the cheeriest coworker.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I've had jobs where the boss hired all her friends, only to discover why you absolutely shouldn't do that. One coworker in particular was a nightmare to share an office with, and another coworker was devastated about this truth.

The most awful-to-share-space-with woman had (before the two worked together) helped my devastated coworker out as a personal friend when her dad had passed. Now they're working together and can't tolerate being in the same room.

You either retire a hero or live long enough to be the Microwaves Fish In The Staff Kitchen person

[eclectricity]

My mother broke her special sunglasses.

While telling me it's no big deal and we don't have to go buy new, she also complained for an hour how much she needs to replace them or she'll get headaches and her life will be miserable.

So I say "You don't even know what they're called so I can Google them for you and find out where they are sold."

She drops the subject.

Hours later we're out running errands and she says out of the blue "I got them at Walmart."

"The sunglasses?"

"Yeah," followed by a 20 minute explanation of what she was eating, who she was with, and the conversation she had precipitating the purchase of the sunglasses four years ago.

I don't know the town we're presently in all that well, but I do know there's a Walmart a mile away. So I start driving that way.

"We only have 20 minutes, so, what department were the glasses in?, because we need to get in and out quickly." She says she has to think it over.

We're about 3/4ths of the way there in rush hour traffic and I ask if she remembers what Walmart department she bought them in, perhaps the pharmacy?

"I got them at Walgreens."

So I explain that I'm going to turn around and head back to where we need to be, we don't have time to find a Walgreens.

But thankfully, when I turn around, a Walgreens is just up the street. So I tell her she's in luck.

As we're sitting at a traffic light, after a few minutes silence, she asks "Did you find them yet?"

"Find what, mom?"

"Sunglasses."

"Mom we are looking for sunglasses right now. What do you mean?"

"On the internet. With Google."

I explain that we're on our way to get the sunglasses. She says nothing the rest of the way.

[eclectricity]

Friendship Level Unlocked! Please choose a reward:

We watch a popular movie I've never seen before (example: The Godfather) as I say "Oh, that's where that comes from" approximately 20 times

I'm driving and offer to take a shortcut and you can do nothing to stop me

We're somewhere in public and I say something loudly that is mildly inappropriate but specifically insulting to a person I don't see standing behind me

Endless pies

[eclectricity]

It's nearly 2022 and here's what I want from the new year: I want entertainment news to start surveying the crew for stories.

I wanna talk to the no doubt battalion of professionals whose job it was to carefully place every single curl -- whether real or fake -- on Tom Hiddleston's head over the course of several Marvel films

I wanna meet the brave lad on the Loki series who just said "Fuck it, have him grow his own damn hair, then"

I wanna know what catering was like the day they had a Full Wig Breakdown

[eclectricity]

Anyway, now that we're entering year three of a global pandemic,

*screams horrifyingly in to a pillow*

[eclectricity]

“I feel like I’m going crazy. Why does it smell like cake every time I run the vacuum cleaner?” At the end of the night when we empty out all the vacuums, the owner goes through and puts scent droplets in to the canisters / bags. She doesn’t tell anyone she does this, but it’s not a big secret, either. It’s just a thing I’ve observed her doing.  So for over a year this teenaged employee has been cleaning up after children’s parties and is just starting to wonder if birthday cake has gotten so embedded in the brushes that it smells like hot frosting every time she uses a vacuum. And she has only screwed up the courage to ask what’s going on just now. After I was done laughing I explained the scent of choice to add to the vacuum was, in fact, 

vanilla

[eclectricity]

I have never given one moment of thought to what color lightsaber I would have until just now, when the full answer hit me all at once:

hot pink

Bright, magenta, neon pink. Very specifically: 80s neon pink. Miami Vice pink. Taco Bell at 1 a.m. pink. You can hear this specific pink.

I want the gayest, freeist, most evocatively nostalgic lightsaber, please.

[eclectricity]

I get up in the evening And I ain't got nothing to say

I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way

I ain't nothing but tired Man, I'm just tired and bored with myself

Hey there, baby I could use just a little help

Man, it's weird how one of the greatest American songwriters looks like Bruce Springsteen

Like he's handsome in that I Am Jacked From Tossing Anchors Around At My Job On The Docks way but then he writes Dancing in the Dark

Bro save some pussy for the rest of us