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elisysd · 3 days

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11. I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Daylight - Taylor Swift

You loved him. You said it first and he didn’t expect it. Never in a million years. He wasn’t expecting to hear it this soon and even less, he wasn’t expecting to hear it from you. He had always thought he would be the first to say it but wanted to wait for the perfect moment.

“Can you say it again?” he asked, wanting to make sure he hadn’t misheard you.

“I love you.” you smiled.

“Again?”

“I. Love. You.”

“One last time?” he insisted, putting his forehead against yours.

“I love you, Charles Leclerc.”

He laughed lightly before twirling you around and kissing you like his life depended on it.

“I fell for you fast the minute I decided to give you a chance. It’s scary. But I’m not scared to love you. That, I’m not. I just don’t know how people would eventually react or say…”

“I don’t give a fuck about what people say. I know what we are, I know what you feel for me and you know what I feel for you. This is what matters the most.”

“And what are you feeling for me?” you teased him.

“Love. Unconditional love.”

“You’re cute but we can’t ignore that this is making my job more and more difficult. It will come back to bite me in the ass at some point.”

“It will be alright.” he reassured you.

“Easy for you to say. Your job is not on the line… me, on the other hand? If I lose it because of that, I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’m not rich like you, I have a rent to pay and try to rent in Paris, you’ll see how awful it is. I’m losing my job, I'm losing my apartment. It is as simple as that.”

It had the effect to act as a wake up call for Charles. He might have an easy life but it wasn’t the case for everyone. He gulped and took your face between his hands.

“If it ever comes to that, which I doubt, we will find a way. I’m not giving up on you. I love you too much to do that.”

You met your colleagues at the airport after having to rush out of Charles’ room and embrace. He had tried, and almost achieved, to persuade you to come back home with him but you still had work to do and a flat to take care of. It was not as fun as what Charles was promising to give you, but adulthood wasn’t always fun. In the plane, next to Marion, you let your thoughts wander. The weekend was hard to process. You had not planned on confessing your feelings for him this soon. But it felt right, natural. You were already in a messy situation, you didn’t want to throw miscommunication into the mix. But still, you were standing about what you told him earlier, you were scared. Once you would tell your boss that you and Charles were in a relationship, you knew it would only be a hit or miss. Or you were going to keep your job, or you were going to lose it. There was an option you liked better than the other. If you were fired, you seriously didn’t know how you were going to make ends meet.

“Are you okay? You frown a lot, today.” Marion noticed.

You forced a smile before replying that you were doing alright. She put a hand on your shoulder and gave you an empathetic smile.

“You know you can tell me everything, I won’t judge.”

It made you gulp. You were thankful to be in such a wonderful team, always ready to help you if needed and that thought only made you break down. Your sobs turned into a panic attack to the point Marion made you follow her at the back of the plane and made you sit on the floor, helping you calm down.

“I’m lost and confused, Marion.” you managed to say between two out of breath sounds.

“I’m here for you, always.”

She took your hands in hers and looked into your eyes. You knew you could trust her, she wouldn’t say a word, and you needed to talk about this story to someone, you couldn’t keep it to yourself any longer. So you told her everyone, from your very first encounter with Charles, to the promise you made to your late brother and finally how you fell in love with the boy in the red suit. When you were done, you felt relieved and that was only then that you understood how much keeping it secret was weighing you down.

“I’m surprised, but not totally. I noticed how you were smiling more lately and how you seemed to be more at peace with yourself. I didn’t want to pry. I won’t say a word. This is your private life and as long as it doesn’t impact your work, I don't see why it should become a problem. That being said, it’s best if you come clean to our boss. If he learns it doesn’t come from you, it will make everything harder. I’ll be there to back you up if things turn sour. But in any case, enjoy being in love. Don’t overthink it, I know Charles, he is a good guy. He will take good care of you , you can trust him.”

“Thank you, Marion. It was exactly what I needed to hear.” you whispered, a lump in your throat. “I’ll tell him. I’m just waiting for the summer break, it will be a less busy time for us, it gives me some time to prepare what I’m going to say.”

You arrived at your flat early in the evening. Dishes were still in the sink, waiting to be cleaned-up, some clothes were laying on the couch as you had forgotten to put them back in your closet and the few plants you had were clearly in desperate need of water. Your rent was also due and you groaned in front of all the chores you had to do. You started to unpack and put your suitcase away before coming back to your living room to tidy the place. It was almost nine when you finished everything you had to do. You plopped on your couch and took your phone to see Charles’ name on your screen.

Hey, I was thinking about something. Don’t you want to come to Monaco before going to your parents? We could spend a few days together?

You wanted to scream yes but your fears got the better hold of you and you hated yourself for it.

Your hometown? Risky, no?

There will always be a risk no matter where we are. But if it makes you feel better we don’t have to leave my place. I’m perfectly fine having you all to myself for days. My bed is quite comfy, you’ll see. And we can watch movies and cook together. I have plenty of activities in mind which don’t require us to go to public places.

How do you know what I need to hear to feel better?

I don’t know. I just… know? Somehow?

Well, you could take back your suitcase, you had an unexpected packing session to go through.

You arrived two days later to the address he had given you. He had argued about coming to pick you up from the train station but the last thing you wanted was to attract people’s attention. So you had walked to his place, thankfully, it wasn’t that far. As soon as you rang the doorbell, he opened it for you, pulling you inside, his lips already on yours.

“I missed you. Way too much. That’s not normal. What did you do to me?”

“If you have the answer, please tell me because I think you did the exact same thing to me.” you giggled.

He showed you around and naturally let your suitcases rest next to his, in his room.

“I changed the sheets. I spent yesterday cleaning the whole flat. I went grocery shopping too and I bought a bit of everything, I didn’t know what you liked so… I kinda went overboard. I bought chocolates and wine for your parents too. If you need anything else, I can go to the supermarket down the road, it won’t be long. I also emptied a drawer in my bathroom’s cupboard and in my closet too.”

“Charles,” you interrupted him. “It’s perfect. Everything is perfect. Don’t worry.”

“You would tell me if something was wrong, right?”

You shushed him out with a kiss, making sure he understood very well how happy you were to be with him. You felt his hand on your neck, getting you closer while, with his other hand, he easily got rid of your cardigan.

“You said your bed was comfy, right?” you whispered against his lips.

“Absolutely. Best bed ever.”

The next three days went by a blur. It was almost like heaven, or at least if heaven was real, then being with Charles felt like it. It was easy. You fit in his environment. He loved watching you sleeping in his sheets, he loved the way you were leaving your toothpaste left open on the bathroom’s sink, he loved seeing how grumpy you were before your first coffee in the morning, he loved the way he wasn't feeling alone anymore when you were by his side. He loved how you were correcting his way of chopping vegetables, telling him it was a miracle he still had ten fingers left. He loved how much of a sucker you were when it came to thrillers. He just loved you.

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I know it is early but… I just know. If my brothers or friends would see me acting like this, they would think I’ve gone crazy.” he smiled as your head was resting on his chest.

“These last days with you made me realize how right I was to give us a chance. I know it won’t be easy, I know that shit will hit the fan at some point. But I also know that as long as I’m with you, it will be okay. It’s you and me against whatever obstacles will come our way.”

You had barely slept during the night. Today was the day when you would celebrate your dad’s birthday. You hadn’t been home for the past two years and had even less contact with your parents for a few months. And now you were bringing Charles along. Throwing him into a mess he didn’t deserve to be in. You had been quiet the whole way to Avignon, watching landscapes you loved growing up in until you finally arrived at the address you had given to Charles before leaving. Your legs had bounced the whole way there and the skin around your fingers was bleeding after you had spent hours scratching it. And now that you were in front of your childhood house, you felt like throwing up, breathing shallow. Charles stopped the engine and forced you to look at him.

“Hey, look at me. It will be alright. I’m with you, every step of the way. I’m not letting go of you. If you need me to hold your hand I will, I’m not going anywhere. One look from you that you want to leave, we do. No questions asked. I’m here for you. We can do it. You can.”

“I don’t want them to poison us with judgmental looks and make me feel like a kid who doesn't know what she is doing with her life.”

“Nothing they can say will make me love you less, rest assured. I won’t let you believe whatever negative shit they might say to you. You are a smart, ambitious, stubborn, resourceful, hard working, passionate and gorgeous woman. Don’t believe otherwise. I won’t let you, anyway.”

You smiled with difficulty, tears prickling behind your eyelids. You nodded as he kissed your forehead. He got out of the car before opening your door and taking your hand in his. You both walked to the front door of the house you loved growing up in but became a representation of a well kept cage as years went by. You knocked and a few moments later the door revealed your mom. She looked at you, up and down, not even acknowledging Charles.

“You’re late.” she finally said, making you gulp and shiver.

Author's note: In laws meeting incoming... how do you think it will turn out? .

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

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elisysd · 8 days

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stop playing around, knowing you it's not going to be rainbows and sprinkles....i dont trust you like that.

>:) anon

I’m glad to see I created some severe trust issues 😂 I guess only time will tell 🤷🏻‍♀️

#>:) anon #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous #elisys asks

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elisysd · 10 days

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I can feel the impending doom that's going to end on a cliffhanger and hit me faster than a train and I dont like it

>:) anon

I don’t see what you mean anon 👀🤭

Maybe I’m in a mood to write a sweet and drama free story? Maybe it will only be rainbows and sprinkles? Who knows 👀

#>:) anon #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous #elisys asks

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elisysd · 10 days

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10. If you fall, I will catch you, I’ll be waiting

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Time After Time - Cindy Lauper

You spent the next few days in a happy bliss, far away from your daily worries which seemed to have faded away whenever you would end up in Charles’ arms. He was taking you to work in the mornings and was driving you back home when your shift was over. Sometimes, he was even staying at your place when you were working from home. The demand came from you, to his surprise, but never would he dare to deny it to you. You were living in your own little bubble and when he finally had to leave, it felt weird. You had been so used to having him around. He fitted in your world, as much as you fitted in his.

“We’ll see each other in Canada, right? It will happen fast, I promise. I wish I could stay longer but duty called… I can’t stay far away from them even if I would love to be there with you.” he said, as your head was buried in his chest, his arms protectively around your shoulders and his lips against the top of your head.

“I’m going to miss you.” you mumbled.

“Yeah, me too. I became used to you so quickly it’s concerning. But hey, maybe we can sneak away in Montreal. Living dangerously, it’s going to be thrilling. I kinda like that.” he smiled as you looked at him.

“About that… I won’t be able to make it. I can miss one race a year and I chose Canada but it was weeks ago, when I didn’t even like you.” you explained, feeling suddenly very guilty and even more when you noticed him frowning, visibly disappointed. “And maybe it’s good? We’ve been glued to each other lately. Putting a little distance between us.”

“Maybe. I don’t like that. I just want to be with you. But I suppose you’re right. I’ll call you. And text you. I’m going to be very annoying now that I know you won’t be next to me.”

“Are you sure you will have time for that?” you asked.

“For you? Always.

In fact, he didn’t have as much time as he hoped he would, resulting in barely a few texts and even less calls. You were both way too busy and with the different time zones, synchronizing your schedules was just way too hard. The whole situation made Charles more on edge than usual. He was missing you more than what he expected and what he had ever felt before. But he wasn’t resenting you for it. You were working on the Alpine’s documentary which you were voicing over and it was taking every bit of your time. Still he was brooding and being an easily readable man, everyone in the paddock and in Ferrari knew it was better to leave him alone. Everyone but Pierre, who had made it his mission to find out what was annoying his best friend.

“ Come on! What is wrong with you? The car is shittier than usual? Carlos is being an ass? The tabloids took pictures of you with someone you shouldn’t see? Or maybe it’s the weather. You know you’re too water sensitive for your own good.”

“Shut up, Gasly. Go bother someone else.”

“Or maybe you’re in love and she rejected you?” This earned him a glare from the monegasque. “Oh shit. You’re in love. Damn… I didn’t see that coming. This is gold. Who is she? Do I know her? Is she a model? An actress? The daughter of a sponsor? I strongly advise you against that option, nothing good ever comes from that kind of situation and…”

“Y/N.” Charles finally snapped, before blushing furiously and watching around him, scared someone might have heard him.

“Y/N? The journalist? The one who is shooting a documentary about my team? That Y/N?” repeated Pierre, not believing it.

“Because you know other Y/N?”

“ I didn’t see that coming… Wasn’t she supposed to hate your guts?”

And Charles proceeded to explain everything to him, without telling him too many details about your life, knowing you wouldn’t appreciate it. But he talked about how much he liked you, what he felt for you and how you were a welcoming rainbow in a cloudy season. You were his escape. He didn’t know how long he talked about you but it must have been very long if Pierre was checking his watch from time to time.

“You’re down bad. Really bad. Some might say you’re in love.”

“It’s too soon to talk about love. We are just getting to know each other. But… Pierre, she is perfect. She is everything I’ve ever wanted, I swear.”

“Okay, Romeo. Just be careful. You are a big romantic and everything and you’re cute, but hold your horses. Take it slow, see where it goes and don’t be too much.”

“Pierre.. don’t say anything to anyone. We are not public. Not yet, at least. It’s a tough situation with her work, she needs to sort everything out and she needs time.”

“I might love gossiping but I would never gossip over something so big it could ruin careers. I’m not cruel.”

Charles spent the weekend giving his all, trying to make the best out of the car he had and for once he felt like it paid off. It wasn’t anywhere near where he wanted to be, but a good strategy, a bit opportunistic from Ferrari, had earned him a good place at the end of the race. He was happy and a bit hopeful for the future even if a tremendous amount of work still needed to be done.

When he came back to his hotel room, his first thought was directed to you. He knew you had watched the race and he wanted to share his happiness and pride with you. He laid down on his bed and took his phone, scrolling to find your number. He ignored his family words of congratulations, thinking he would answer later, and called you. You were quick to answer which made him think that you were waiting for his call.

“I’m so happy for you Charles, I was rooting for you so hard! Thankfully I was home.” he could hear the emotion and pride in your voice and it made him melt. “ You deserve it. You were amazing.”

“Yeah? You think?”

“Of course I do. You made me happy for a little moment.” you said and he could hear something was off in your voice. He didn’t like it and pressed you for an answer. You sighed and the line fell in silence for a few seconds before you started to talk again. “My dad’s birthday is right around the corner. I got a text from my mom asking me if I intended to come. It’s not an invitation, she expects me to be here.”

“ And what are you going to do?”

“ I don't want to go but if I don’t, it will only make everything worse.” you were on the verge of crying.

“I’ll be there for you. When is it?” he said, out of the blue, surprising you and himself.

“It’s after Silverstone but Charles… you… you’re not serious, right? You are not seriously saying you’re coming with me?” you nervously laughed.

“I’m completely serious. You don’t want to go there, I’m offering you support.”

“And what am I going to say to them?”

“Easy. That I’m your boyfriend.” he shrugged.

When he didn’t hear you reply he was scared for a minute that you hung up. He knew he was overstepping, you still had not talked about labeling your relationship, it was too early. But at the same time, he was serious about you and he wanted to know he wasn’t taking your relationship lightly. And that was exactly what he told you, determined. You needed reassurance and you needed him to show how much he cared and he wanted nothing more than to prove it to you.

“Thank you for being honest. And for taking things slow with me. I know I’m hard to handle.” you barely whispered.

“First of all, you’re not hard to handle, whatever that means. And it ‘s nice to take things slow. I’m used to going fast all the time, going slow spices up my daily life.” he laughed, hoping his joke attempt would at least make you smile.

“Well, then, in that case, I guess I need to tell my mom that I’m bringing a guest.”

Coming back from Montreal, Charles first thought was to head straight to Paris. More than just a want, it was a need to see you that led him to your door by the evening, his suitcases by his side. He knocked on your door but not hearing a word or a sound from the inside made him think that you were not there. It was fine, when it came to you patience was not his worst flaw. He could wait. He sat down on the greenish rug of the corridor and scrolled down on his phone, going through fan reactions, race recaps and articles for a good hour until he heard heels walking in his direction. He looked up and saw your surprised face, two bags full of groceries in your hands. He stood up and took them away from you, letting the bags rest on the floor before taking you in his arms and kissed you like he had never kissed you. You couldn’t help but melt in his embrace. You missed him more than you had initially thought.

“I thought you would be back in Maranello or in Monaco.” you said when you finally let go of each other.

“I have to, yes. But I needed to see you and to kiss you first. They don’t need me before three days. I missed you so much.”

You smiled as you kissed him again, letting him feel how much you had missed him too.

“Let’s not stay here. Come inside. Have you eaten anything? Do you want a drink?”

“I only want you.” he simply said as he put down his coat on your sofa as he instantly gazed at you. The mood shifted and you were suddenly feeling very hot. Slowly he walked to you and trapped you against the counter looking down on your parted lips. “ I want to kiss you and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to stop myself from going further.” he admitted, his voice raspier than usual.

You gulped and threw an arm around his neck, bringing him even closer to you.

“What if I don’t want to stop you?”

He didn’t need more to kiss you one last time before making you jump into his arms and carry you to your bedroom.

Austria went on in a blink of an eye. You had not been this excited for a race in a very long time, if not ever. It was the first time you were there as Charles’ girlfriend and you had to admit that sneaking away to spend some time together here and there was making the whole experience thrilling. You would hide every chance you would get for a quick kiss. Flirty jokes were told whenever you would cross paths and you would even dare to brush slightly your fingers with his. His post qualifying interview was a mix of professionalism and subtle flirt attempts that made you blush and you blessed everything that you could think of that your face wasn’t shown on camera or it would have caught you blushing. And when he finally came back to you after the race and after a wonderful P2, it was almost like he wasn’t giving a fuck about being subtle anymore which earned him a glare from your side as he was leaving you with a wink. Walking out of the media pen, you quickly texted him.

No reward for you mister.

And you made your way out of the paddock and to your hotel. It had been a hell of a weekend and all you were thinking about was a good bath, with a book and classical music playing in the background. When you were done, feeling fresh and relaxed, you started to pack your bags and clean your stuff as you had a plane to catch early the next day. You replayed the interviews you had done the whole weekend to try to see if there was any way you could improve for the next race and paused them when needed while you were sometimes taking notes. You didn’t hear at first the knock on your door and it only startled you as it got louder. Annoyed, you went to open it and barely had time to recognise your boyfriend as his hands circled your waist and his lips found yours. It was urgent and feverish. Nothing slow or romantic, he wasn’t there to talk.

“What are you doing here?” you asked but was quickly reduced to silence as he threw you on the bed and soon joined you, his interview realized a few hours earlier still playing.

When you woke up the next day, he was already up, tenderly looking at you, carefully drawing patterns on your arms from the tip of his fingers, making you shiver. He was far from the devilishly handsome act he had played for you the previous night. He brushed a strand of hair falling down on your face and kissed your forehead as you got closer, resting your head on his bare chest and your hand where his heart was beating loudly.

“You know what you are to me?” he whispered.

“Your girlfriend?”

“You’re my sweet escape. My little piece of heaven away from the mess which is this season.”

You felt yourself melting at his words.

Silverstone was not as joyful as Austria, unfortunately. Even if Charles wanted to perform, he knew it would be tough. He was stressing out, pacing around his room, trying to find a sense of peace he knew he could only find if you were around, which was not the case. You were busy, probably the busiest you had ever been since the beginning of the season and didn’t have time for him. He was annoyed. You were so close yet so far away from him. It only made his bad mood worse. Bad mood which was accentuated after he ended up P9 after the race. He was more than just disappointed and not even seeing you waiting for him, a pitying smile on your face, could help making him feel better.

“Charles, what a disappointing race today after your P2 in Austria. Do you feel like it is a step back?”

Your question almost made him snap but he could see in your eyes how much it pained you to ask. He tried to stay professional and answered the best he could. He was relieved when you were done. For the first time in his life, he didn’t only want to perform well for his team and his family, he wanted to see your eyes shimmer too when he would step in the media pen. He didn’t want to see sadness in them and more than anything, he didn’t want to be the reason why. He met you in an empty area, where the garbage from the food court was displayed and thought to himself how shady your meeting place was. But his worries soon faded away as he saw you running to him and took his face into your palms to kiss him.

“I’m so, so sorry about the race, Charles. I swear my heart was beating so fast, I was so frustrated. And I wanted nothing more but to be there for you.”

“It’s like this… And you’re here now. That’s all that matters.Let’s go back to the hotel. Mine. I don’t want to let go of you tonight.”

“I’ll meet you there. I have to go to the post race debrief first. And I still have an interview linked up in an hour with an Aston engineer. This weekend is never ending, I swear.”

“It’s okay. Go. I’ll wait for you there.”

You kissed him one last time before leaving.

He waited for you in the lobby of the hotel, watching people and clients passing by without a care in the world. He was replaying the race in his head, overthinking what he could’ve, would’ve, should’ve done better but was interrupted by your arrival.

“I got lost on the way. It took longer than what I expected, I’m sorry.” you apologized.

“I don’t care. I’m just glad you made it. I was starting to think you got cold feet.”

“When it comes to you? Never, Leclerc. You have me now and I’m all in.”

He smiled, took your hand in his and guided you towards the elevator barely able to keep his hands to himself, making you laugh. You both acted careless and when he saw you froze, like a doe caught in the middle of headlights, he didn’t understand why. But when Pierre emerged from a dark corner, a teasing smile on his lips, he got it. He had forgotten to tell you that the Alpine’s driver knew about your relationship. He felt a wave of panic washing over you and making you stutter.

“Relax, Y/N. I promised Charles I wouldn’t say a word and I intend to keep that promise.”

You turned towards Charles.

“You told him?”

“I… It wasn’t planned… it just happened. I’m sorry.”

“I’m happy for you. Both. And I’m glad Charlie boy finally made his move on you, it was painful to watch him be so jealous. A bit pathetic too.” Pierre shrugged.

“What do you mean, finally? you asked Charles as Pierre was leaving, laughing.

Once in his room, Charles was very determined to make you forget about your encounter with Pierre. But as soon as the door closed behind him, he felt you being everywhere but with him.

“Y/N? Are you alright?”

“I realized something today.” you said, making him curious. “It’s getting harder and harder to interview you. Especially when I can see how a bad race is affecting you and all I want is to drop the mic and take you in my arms and hold you tight. At that moment, when you stepped in the media pen, I wanted to be everything but a journalist. The line between my work ethic and my personal life is getting blurrier by the minute. It’s scary, Charles.”

“I don’t want to be an obstacle to your job… or a chore.”

“You’re not.” you quickly reassured him and not wanting him to get your confession in the wrong way. “ I just have to find the right balance. But, I suppose it was bound to happen, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m falling for you. Hard and fast, Charles.”

Author's note: She finally admitted it! Still a fluffly chapter... for now. Not sure it will stay that way heheh. Enjoy it while you can.

If you wanna be part of the taglist, let me know.

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @thirstylion @cmleitora @charizznorizz @sltwins @boherahpsody @herondalism @roseamongthorns13 @aundercover @snowflakesfluff @fictional-l0v3r @queensassybitchsworld @jehun

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elisysd · 15 days

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Fanfic writers are like crows. If you give them treats (comments) they will bring you shiny things (fanfic)

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elisysd · 16 days

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ms girl what do you mean enjoy that feeling while you can??? PLS NOOO

🤷🏻‍♀️ what can I say? I like drama. It’s fun! Don’t you think? 👀😈🥰

#send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous #elisys asks

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elisysd · 16 days

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giggLING, KICKING MY FEET AND TWIRLING AROUND MY ROOM

te-he

>:) anon

Enjoy that feeling while you can 👀😈

#>:) anon #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous #elisys asks

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elisysd · 16 days

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9. How wonderful life is while you're in the world

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Your Song - Elton John

Since he had received your text Charles was excited. He had not stopped pacing his room, trying to come up with ideas to show you that he could be an amazing boyfriend, that you would trust him. He was excited and the little break between Barcelona and Montreal was the occasion to spend time with you. So, not saying a word to you, he rented a place in Paris for the week, hoping to spend time with you. He had a plan and he couldn’t wait to put it into action.

I’ll be in Paris for a few days starting from tomorrow. I was hoping to see you.

Sure, I would love that.

Maybe you can give me your work schedule? It could be easier to plan things.

He smiled when you gave it. You didn’t know what he had in mind, and trusting home with your work schedule so naively was cute. He arrived in Paris late at night, under the rain which made him instantly regretting the sun of Monaco. But you were worth every drop of rain, he knew it. That night he had a hard time finding sleep.

Your day had been eclectic, spent in the studio recording your voice over for the Alpine documentary and working on the next episodes which would be filmed in the upcoming weeks. You were dreaming of going back home, a nice bubble bath and a take away eaten in front of a trashy reality show.

You packed your bag, said goodbyes to your colleagues who were still there and made your way out. You were not excited at the idea of taking the subway. It was always crowded at this time of the day. You badged your way out, wished a good evening to the lady at the reception desk and almost had a heart attack when you noticed Charles, leaning against a rented car, all dressed up in a black suit and with a huge bouquet of red roses in his hand. As you walked to him, you couldn’t help but smile and blush when he handed you the flowers.

“Thank you. What are they for?” you asked as he opened the door for you.

“Because I wanted to. Get used to it, that’s something that will happen a lot when you finally give us a chance.” he winked.

“How was your meeting?”

“Well… I might have lied to you. I don’t have any meetings. I just didn’t want to scare you off by telling you that I was coming here only for you.”

“You didn’t have to, you know. I mean, I appreciate it, truly. But I don’t want to take away from you time that you could use to train.”

“Don’t worry about that.” he smiled, putting a hand on your knee and squeezing it.

In front of your building, you suddenly didn’t want to leave.

“Do you want to come inside for a drink?” you asked.

“Not today, I have a call with my brother about something work related, and I’m not lying this time, but I’ll see you tomorrow.” when he leaned in and kissed your cheek, you thought you were about to faint.

You couldn’t focus the next day at work. You couldn’t help but think about Charles and what he had planned. You didn’t know what to expect but frankly, you didn’t care. You were trusting him enough to let yourself go with the flow. He wouldn’t hurt you, he cared about you enough to go out of his way for you. It felt nice. You were distracted the whole day, something unusual to you to the point Marion didn’t hesitate to tease you about it.

“Your head is in the clouds, missy, today. Who is to blame? A good lover?”

You blushed violently, stumbled on your words and immediately apologized, pretending you had a call to take, making Marion laugh. You avoided everyone the whole day, focusing on your tasks and hoping no one would bother you. And finally when you got out, you found Charles in the exact same position as the previous day. Instead, this time, it was a box of chocolate in his hands and not a bouquet of flowers. He drove you again again, and when you asked him if today he wanted to come inside, he refused once again.

“Let me be a gentleman, okay? And a true one doesn’t get inside the flat of the girl he fancies before the first date.”

“And when should I expect this first date?”

“Tomorrow.” he smiled.

It couldn’t come fast enough. You met him the next day, the same way as before but this time it was not a box of chocolate or flowers that were waiting for you. It was a teddy representing a pressing horse and you laughed at the sight. It was so cheesy that it was starting to get cute and you felt bad to not be able to do even half as much as he was doing. He asked you all about your day which you were happy to tell him with impressive details and before you were aware of it, you were at the restaurant. He helped you get out of your coat and you swore he checked you out for a moment and all of a sudden; you were very glad to have chosen your favorite little black dress. He was also elegantly and simply dressed in a white shirt and black jeans.

He led you in a quiet area where no one would bother you and when finally silence settled, you started to feel uncomfortable. You didn’t know what to say an you were glad when he took the lead.

“So, you’ve never told me where you were from.”

“I’m from the south east of France.” you replied checking the drink menu.

“Really? Near Monaco?”

“God no. No offense, it’s a pretty city. I’m from Avignon. It’s what? Three hours away?”

“If you respect the speed, I guess.” he laughed as you threw a napkin to his face. “How was it, growing up there?”

“Very nice. It’s a pretty city, a bit medieval and I was lucky to be able to grow up in a very cultural environment. We have a big festival, you know. I used to work there when I was younger. And by younger I mean when I was like… thirteen? I think?”

“Is that even legal?”

“Absolutely not! But most of the people coming during summer are people from Paris who don’t know the city that much so they are ready to pay locals big money to promote their shows. Some summer I was making maybe two thousands euros which is insane when you think about it.”

“What were your parents saying?”

“They didn’t know! What did you want me to tell them? They would have stopped me from going and they had other things on their plate with Luc.” your smile disappeared.

“So you have good memories from that time.”

“I love Avignon. I miss it sometimes but my parents made me hate the idea of coming back. They tarnished the city for me.I have a strained relationship with them. My mom especially. My dad is more passive than her.”

“Do you mind if I ask what happened? If I overstep…”

“You don't. I mean, it’s not a big secret or whatever. My mom thinks I’m responsible for Luc's death, as twisted as it sounds. She thinks that if I had not introduced him to F1, he would still be there. It’s stupid I know. And she hates me for leaving for New York when his health started to worsen. I should have said, he was more important than any other stupid dreams I was chasing.”

“And how did you get into F1 in the first place?” Charles asked, curious.

“From my grandad. He was a huge fan. He died a few years ago when I was about to start college. See, this is what I mean when I say that this job is important to me. I do it for me, but also for the people I love and lost along the way.” you explained, a sad look on your face.

“I understand. More than what you can believe.” he whispered, taking your hand in his.

He didn’t need to say more, you knew exactly what he was referring to.

“You’re talking about your dad and Jules.” he nodded and you rushed to add. “I feel bad to know about that but at the same time it’s part of my job and…”

“It’s okay. I didn’t expect you to act surprised. But yeah, I know what it is like to put so much pressure on yourself in order to make people proud. I know they are proud of me, from where they are. But no matter how much I know it…”

“You can’t help it. If you’re not proud enough of yourself you feel like you’re failing them.” you finished.

“Exactly. If I fail, it means failing them too.”

You moved to lighter topics until it was late in the night and you were starting to yawn. Charles paid the bills and soon you made your way to your residence building. Once there, Charles stopped the engine and a comfortable silence fell in the car. You leaned back against the seat as he looked at you, the reflection of the moon shining in his eyes. You looked at him with the same intensity and he slowly proceeded to close the space between both of your bodies, giving you enough time to back off if you wanted to.

“Charles…” you breathed, thinking about everything that could go wrong.

“Don’t… close your eyes and imagine a world away from responsibilities and complications, a world where it’s only you and I. How does it feel?”

“Perfect.” you admitted.

“Then, hold onto that feeling.”

Opening your eyes you saw him closer than ever. So close that you could see the different shades of green and blue in his eyes. Your gaze fell on his parted lips and when you looked up again, you slightly nodded, giving him the final sign he needed before capturing your lips with his. You didn’t think twice, putting a hand behind his neck as your other one moved to his cheek, trying to get him even closer to you. You felt his weight on you as he pressed you against the door of the car. It was uncomfortable but you didn’t care. all you could feel was him and you didn’t want it to stop. Never. When he finally broke the kiss, you felt cold all of the sudden, your body searching for the heat he had provided in such a short while.

“What does it mean now?” you asked

“Whatever you want it to mean.”

“I want that. I want what's going on between us, but can we take it slow?”

“Of course, your pace is mine.”

“And… I want to keep it between us. No one can find out.”

Author's note: A little fluffy chapter... everything seems to progress really well between them. A little too well maybe. What do you think? 👀

If you wanna be part of the taglist, let me know.

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @thirstylion @cmleitora @charizznorizz @sltwins @boherahpsody @herondalism @roseamongthorns13 @aundercover @snowflakesfluff @fictional-l0v3r @queensassybitchsworld @jehun

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elisysd · 20 days

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my heart-rate while reading the new chapter : 📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉📈

(atleast they kissed) (not in those circumstances tho....) (also the hannah montanna reference)

>:) anon

You know me. You know I don’t like to make it easy for my characters 😌 And I’m glad you picked up the HM reference hehehe 👀

#>:) anon #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous #elisys asks

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elisysd · 22 days

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If you super boop me and i dont super boop back, i promise its just cause im on mobile

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elisysd · 22 days

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8. Need you more than I want to

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack : Shameless - Camila Cabello

He was the last person you expected to be in front of your door, but here he was. Seeing him there, a little disheveled, his hair a mess, had the effect of sobering you up.

“What are you doing here?” you asked. “How did you get my room number?”

He didn’t answer, only arched an eyebrow and it made you sighed. You were annoyed, frustrated, in total disbelief. You couldn’t understand why he was there. You couldn’t find a justification that would be important enough for him to find you there.

“I have my ways to get what I want.”

“Of course… little prince of Monaco. It comes with perks. One of them being to disturb the privacy of people, I assume.” you bitterly commented.

“I want an explanation”

“You want an explanation?” you repeated.

“Your behavior, your questions! I don’t understand them! I don’t understand you! I thought we were friends, that we built something and you are still the annoying girl I’ve met the first time in Bahrain! What did I do? I deserve to know.”

“You deserve? Deserve? Who do you think you are? It’s not because we have a good relationship outside of the tracks that I have to change the ways I do my job. I’m not here to please you, I’m not here to praise you, I’m not here to pat you on the back. It’s not what is asked from me. If you don’t like it, that is your problem not mine. I’m staying professional out there.”

You were harsh, you knew it and saying you were enjoying drawing a line between your personal relationship with Charles and the one you had on the tracks, was a big fat lie.

“And where was your professionalism when you were dancing and flirting with Mick?” he asked, furious.

You took a step back, as if his bitter question had physically hurt you. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes. You briefly closed them and proceeded to ignore him as you made your way to your door, not hesitating to push him a little. You wouldn’t make him the pleasure to see you hurt. You fumbled with your key until you managed to open your door and entered the room. You were not quick enough to prevent Charles from following you inside.

“Mick is my friend.”

“So you do make friends with some drivers, nice to know. Make you even more hypocrite than I thought.”

“Mick and I understand each other. Not that I should justify myself to you.”

“I understand you too! I try to! I’m trying here, can’t you see? But you prefer to push me away because you know what? You are scared. You are scared of the bond we could have. So you’re fleeing, like a coward.”

It made you snap.

“You have no right to stand here and judge me. When did I give you the permission to do so? We are friends. I let you in, despite everything I let you in. I told you about my brother, I let you see me be vulnerable, I’ve done more things with you than with any other drivers and here you are, asking for what? More? I give you enough, Charles! And maybe I could give you even more but I need time! I need to find the right balance between professional and personal and yeah, fine, maybe it was not right of me to be like that with you. But I’m trying! I will make mistakes but I don’t want you to throw them in my face every damn time. And if you can’t handle that, then maybe it’s best if you leave and if we stop being friends.”

You swore you had seen a flash in his eyes and before you even had time to register what was happening, you felt his hands around your waist and his lips on yours, kissing you like his life depended on it. Before you could even process it, you kissed him back as his teeth bit your lower lip. And that’s when you finally fully understood what was going on. You let go of him, took a step back and before you even knew it, you felt your hand moving on its own to slap his face, getting him out of the trance he was in.

“Y/N… I… I’m sorry, I just… I don’t know where that comes from, I…” he stuttered.

“Leave, Charles. I think it’s best.” you calmly answered, opening the door as you saw him rushing out, without a second glance to you.

You were a coward. He was right. Because if you had just an ounce of bravery you wouldn't seriously consider not attending Barcelona. How could you face him? How would you be able to do your job properly? Your thoughts were all over the place. You were thinking about his lips on yours, about his hands around your waist and how good it felt. He was even haunting you in your dreams. Very sweet dreams that were making you blush whenever you were thinking about them. As the race was approaching you were feeling more and more anxious to the point your work was starting to pay the price, something Marion ended up noticing. When she confronted you, you simply said that you were not feeling good lately.

“If you want to skip Barcelona, you can. I can cover for you. I know how tiring traveling can get. If you need to sit this one out, don’t worry, okay?” she reassured you and never you had felt so relieved.

“I want to come, I just don’t feel good enough for the interviews.”

“So you can be in the pitlane at the start, if it is more convenient for you.”

“I would like that.”

“Did something happen? You loved the interviews.” she asked.

“No!” you answered a little too fast for your liking. “It’s just the perspective of staying in a crowded place, with little space to move… And I want to experiment something new.”

“Then it is settled! The pitlane will be waiting for you.”

Hell on earth. That’s what Barcelona felt like to Charles. He was not happy at all about his performance, nor was he of the team’s. He was pissed off. About everything but as much as he was trying to convince himself otherwise, he knew the underlying issue. An issue that could be summed up in five letters. A kiss. A stupid kiss. It was a mistake and he couldn’t believe how stupid he could have been? His multiple texts, sent as apologies, had stayed unanswered. But he understood. He messed up, probably scared you off and he was the only one to blame.

“Charles, you have to leave the room, I don’t want an aggressive driver during our meetings.” Fred had firmly said when he had blown up in anger.

He couldn’t let his private life influence his driving and his relationship with the team. And he couldn’t keep lying to himself. He had to act on his feelings properly or he had to forget about you. There was no in between. But in any case, he had to talk to you and you had to listen. He knew you were around and he was determined to make you listen.

Y/N

Can we talk?

We have to.

We NEED to.

He saw his texts immediately opened and it gave him hope.

Please. It won’t be long.

When he noticed the three dots indicating you were typing he almost let out a sigh of relief.

You’re right. We have to.

You sent him your address and the time she would be there. An hour. It was a lot of time to think about what he was going to tell you and at the same time it was not enough. He felt like a high school teenager about to confess to his crush and he felt so stupid. It had never happened to him before. He usually was confident around women, he knew how good looking he was and how charming he could be. But with you, he was a mess. You were making him so nervous. A mix of good kind and bad kind. He didn’t know how you would react, if you would slap him again or kiss him until you both would be out of breath. He liked an option better than the other.

He had bought tulips on his way to your door. And when he was in front of it, he suddenly found the idea very stupid. It’s not like you would be able to keep them. But it was reassuring for him, maybe it would make you smile. The door finally opened, revealing you, still in your work clothes. You were so pretty. He had always noticed it but today you were pretty in a candid way. It made him gulp, especially since you were still very silent as you sat down on your bed looking at him, waiting for his next move. Move he had no idea what it would be. So he started pacing the room, hoping to find the right words, the flowers still in hands. He finally stopped, ran a hand in his hair and looked at you.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. Especially because of the reasons that led me to kiss you. I admit, I was jealous of Mick. A real and fat feeling of jealousy like I’ve never experienced before. Seeing you laugh with him and be your carefree self with someone other than me made me feel things I didn’t expect to feel. It was stupid and selfish to hope that the side of you that you've shown me in New York would be for me only. You told me about your brother, you gave me access to your life in New York, the way you acted around me and then the friendly texts… I think I got confused. Maybe I misread the entire situation. For that I’m sorry. Bur gosh, I’m not sorry to have kissed you. It made me realize that my feelings were everything but friendly. I have a crush on you. I like you a whole lot. It’s stupid, I know. But it is there. It exists. And I can’t help it.” he said in one breath.

You sighed and stood up, moving next to him and taking his free hand in yours.

“I can’t reciprocate it, Charles. I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t or you don’t, because these are two different things? he asked, slightly hurt but expecting your answer and when he saw you hesitating he knew not everything was lost. That he was right to hope.

“You’re nice and caring and you did it, you know. You showed me that there were not only assholes out there. Your presence in my life is a breath of fresh air and the companionship I didn't know I needed. I value our friendship. A lot more than what you can imagine. But I don’t want to sacrifice my career. It’s my dream and my little brother’s. He wanted to see me there and I won’t jeopardize it. I can’t. I would never forgive myself if I was messing it up. For Luc, I can’t do that.” you explained, tears in your eyes.

Charles slowly got closer, caressed your cheek and put two fingers under your chin in order to make you look at him. He could read the dilemma you were going through and it hurt him more than a rejection would have.

“I understand. But you don’t have to choose. You can have your career and you can have me.”

You shook your head.

“As much as I would like it, it doesn’t work like that, Charles. I don’t think it’s possible.”

“And I think you’re wrong. Let me show you that you can have the best of both worlds.”

You let out a small laugh. He would not give up.

And his promise started the next day as you were checking in at the airport.

“You’ve been upgraded to first class, Miss.”

“Wait, what?” you asked, as Marion and Jean let out an impressed sigh.

“Well, you’re registered as a first class passenger in our online base.”

“But how?” you insisted.

“I don’t know, miss, and it’s not really my problem now if you can move out of the way, you’re not the only passenger.”

You reluctantly moved to let Marion and Jean check in. As they were doing so, you took you phone out to find a text from Charles and suddenly, it was all clearer.

Would you be with me, that would become your daily life.

Those few words messed with your head during the whole flight and when you finally got back to your flat. You were exhausted. Your best friend was supposed to arrive soon and you hoped that she would be able to make you forget about Charles. You took a quick shower and soon the doorbell rang, telling you that she had arrived. She jumped into your arms, begging you to tell her everything.

“I don’t have much to tell. It was work, you know.” you avoided her look on you, preparing water to boil.

She sneaked next to you and moved her head to the side, her eyes staring at you, making you uncomfortable.

“There’s something you are not saying.”

“Absolutely not.”

“You can never shut up about your job when I ask you questions and I find you very quiet right now. Spill.”

And you spilled. In details, from the moment you met Charles to Miami, to New York and the kiss in Monaco, ending your story to his confession in your hotel room. You were out of breath when you finished talking and you could feel your cheeks burning.

“Atta girl. You have an F1 driver at your feet and you don’t jump on the occasion? What is wrong with you? “

“Why can’t anyone understand that it might cause conflicts with my job? Like bias, conflicts of interests… I can’t!” you sighed, annoyed.

“Okay, fine, I get it. Now let me ask you something different. Imagine you’re not a journalist. In another world, you and Charles work a very tedious 9 to 5 job. You both end up in a bar, for an after work event. He sees you across the room, you do too and you think that damn, he is good looking. And he finds you pretty too. So he comes and buys you a drink that you accept, because who says no to free alcohol? Anyway, you have a chat and it lasts until the bar has to close. You were so deep into your conversation that you both didn’t notice the crowd leaving and the hour approaching the early hours of the next day. And then, he asks you out for a real date, because he finds in you everything he is searching for. What are you saying?”

You closed your eyes, imagined the scene and let a warm and comforting feeling settle in your chest. A smile escaped you. It felt nice. Peaceful. For the first time in a very long time, you felt excited about the perspective of something new, no matter how scary that could be.

“I would have said yes.” you replied, opening your eyes.

“Then maybe you should hold onto that and give the poor guy a chance. You never know what could happen.” she smiled.

And when she finally left your flat, after hours of talking, you took your phone and sent a text to Charles. A bold and thrilling feeling running through your body when you press send.

Do you still want to prove to me that I can have the best of both worlds?

Author's note: Happy Easter everyone! Here's a little gift from me to you to celebrate! I knew you were waiting for that kiss... hehe

If you wanna be part of the taglist, let me know.

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @thirstylion @cmleitora @charizznorizz @sltwins @boherahpsody @herondalism @roseamongthorns13 @aundercover @snowflakesfluff @fictional-l0v3r

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elisysd · 24 days

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Thank you 🙏🏻 you have no idea how much this meant 💛🌸

I Can See You - Masterlist

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7

Other Stories

Cruel Summer Gold Rush

#elisys talks

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elisysd · 24 days

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hello 🎀, I just wanted to ask if I could be added to your taglist please :)

Of course, love! Thank you for your interest in this story 💛

#elisys asks #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous

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elisysd · 25 days

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now kisssssss

>:)

Soon…. 👀

#>:) anon #send anons #anon ask #thanks anon!#anonymous #elisys asks

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elisysd · 25 days

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7. It's always one step forward and three steps back

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: 1 step forward, 3 steps back - Olivia Rodrigo

Warm. You were intensely warm. You started to move a little in the very comfortable bed, not wanting to open your eyes yet. You snuggled deeper into your pillow before feeling it moving and something pulling you closer. Your eyes fluttered open. It took a few seconds for you to register your environment and suddenly you understood. Your pillow was a very strong chest, moving in sync to his breathing. And what pulled you closer was his arm, snaked around your waist. And now, you were very awake and conscious of each of your movements. You felt panic wash over you and you almost jumped out of bed, waking up Charles in the process. You didn’t even look at him, throwing a jumper on yourself and putting a sweatpant over your pair of shorts.

“Y/N? What the hell?” Charles mumbled, getting up as well to come closer to you.

“Mistake. Fucking, stupid mistake. You and me. In that bed. How can I be so stupid?” you frantically replied, getting your suitcases and making your way to the door, only to be stopped by Charles, grabbing your arm and forcing you to face him.

“Nothing happened. We just slept. Nothing more. We just invaded each other's spaces, it happens. It doesn’t mean a thing. Just calm down.” he reassured you.

“It’s… still. It’s unprofessional. From my side. We work in the same environment, it’s wrong. Wrong on so many levels…”

“You’re overthinking this.”

“Quite the opposite actually, I think I’m the one seeing the situation in a clear way.” you contradicted him.

“Okay, fine, if you say so. And where are you going to go?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest, making you blush at the sight.

“I… I’ll figure it out.” you stuttered.

He sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

“You can keep the room.. I’ll stay with Joris.” he simply said.

You could see that you hurt him somehow and it made your heart ache. It was the last thing you wanted.

“I don’t want to kick you out of your room… especially when you so kindly offered me to stay…”

You could almost see the wheels in his head turning full speed.

“Well… you did tell me that you could show me around. What do you think about spending the day together, so you can calm down, and at the end of it, if you still want to leave, I’ll make the arrangements.”

You nodded. You just hoped it wouldn't end in a disaster.

You started with a coffee in Central Park and as you walked down the paths, you found it surprisingly easy how the awkwardness of the morning had vanished. You talked about many things, mostly mundane and about your hobbies. He learned how much you liked photography, something he was trying to get himself into, he told you all about piano and how it was relaxing him when he was not racing. He talked about his family a lot and how spending quality time with them was everything to him. Around lunch you end up in a little Italian restaurant and the conversation was still flowing easily between you.

“I love fashion. I know it doesn’t look like it but I would love to have my own brand one day. I want to design things.”

“At least, when it happens, it will be your own disastrous fashion attempts. You won’t be able to hide behind a brand.” you teased him as he threw bread crumbs on your face to annoy you.

“What would be your biggest dream activity? And you can’t tell me that you are already living it.” he asked and you paused, taking your time to answer.

“I think I would love to have a podcast. I would love to have conversations with people who work in the shadows, you know.”

“What is stopping you?”

“My job. I can’t start another activity that could potentially create a conflict with what I’m already doing. So… maybe one day, far away in the future.” you explained.

“You would be amazing as a host.”

It stopped you dead in your tracks and you looked at him. He was serious, there was no humor in his reply, no judgment, just a genuine trust in your abilities.

“Thank you… it means a lot.”

“You might be insufferable from time to time but you know how to make people comfortable. Even if it’s to make them relive their worst nightmares.” he winked.

You kept talking that day, getting to know each other on a deeper level, far away from the tracks and the image both of you had to keep up. And it felt nice. You laughed, he teased you, you talked about your lives, you talked about what you loved and what kept you up at night. Later as the moon was high in the sky and you were coming back to your hotel, Charles told you that you could keep his room.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m going to the Yankees’ game tomorrow. Would you like to join? I might need someone to explain the rules to me.”

“I would love to.”

And the next day was probably one of the best days for you in a long time. You got along quite well with his brothers and friends and the day went by in a blink of an eye. As you were about to part ways in the lobby, he turned to you.

“I had a really nice time here with you.”

“Me too.” you smiled.

“Does that mean that we are friends now?” he shyly asked.

“And I would be more than happy to be your friend, Charles.”

He didn’t intend to, but the warm feeling in his chest made him make a step forward and engulf you in a hug, which you reciprocated to his surprise. He stuttered, looked at you and you noticed how his cheeks were starting to get more and more pink as you could feel your do the same.

“Well, good night… See you around? In Imola?” he said.

“Most definitely.”

Coming back to Paris after the wonderful break that New-york had been for you felt weird and soon you caught up in your daily routine, except that texting Charles was now a new addition to it. You were going through editorial board meetings after editorial board meetings, preparing the next races with Jean and Marion as well as Isabel and Morgan who were part of the team but weren’t joining you on race weekends. You liked to work with everyone, they felt like a second family to you. But in between meetings and during each coffee break you couldn’t help but text Charles. Whether it was about a stupid doubt in your mind about reglementation or a quick question about how his day was going, you were always shocked to see how fast he was replying to you, no matter how busy he was. This unexpected friendship felt nice and might have been exactly what you needed at this point in your life.

“Who are you texting that makes you smile like that?” Jean asked, an espresso in her hand as you just got out of a quick editorial briefing.

“No one in particular…” you bit your lips.

“A boyfriend?”

“Oh gosh no. I mean, he is a friend. I suppose.”

“You suppose? Shouldn't you be sure?”

“It’s… Can I ask you something personal?”

“Of course.” Jean reassured you.

“You are friends with some drivers, right? How do you do that to not impact your job?”

Jean looked at you as your leg started to bounce from anxiety.

“Well… I’ve never really got to think about that. It came quite naturally. When you love your job and are passionate about it, I think it’s easy. As long as you don’t overthink the way you do your job, that you stick to the reasons that led you to choose this life, then it’s easy. It becomes harder if you start to have strong bonds with some. I was close to Jules Bianchi and his family, I still am. I was there when he got into his crash. It was probably the toughest and most traumatizing experience in my career.”

“How did you do it?”

“You stick to the facts. No less and no more. You do what you know best and you stick to it.”

“Do you regret it? Becoming friends with Jules, I mean…”

“Never. Besides being a great source of information, I got to learn so many things by his side and meet other people. It’s all about finding balance. You know, when you’re in the paddock, browsing for information, asking questions… you’re not totally the same person as you are out of there. You have a mask of professionalism. The drivers are the same.”

And he was right. You had observed it with Charles. And he had already told you how different you were from your journalist persona. Maybe Jean was right and overthinking the situation would only create issues where they weren’t needed.

On your way home that day, you had decided that you would stop putting barriers between your relationships and what you thought was right. It was stupid and prevented you from being happy. Charles made you happy, Mick, Esteban and Pierre as well. And truth be told, Luc would be disappointed in yourself to not jump on the occasion to get closer to his idols. Alone in your flat, the TV on, you started to pack for Imola until you got a text from Charles.

I’m not sure the race will happen. A risk of flooding is set on Imola’s area.

Are they canceling the race?

Not yet.

You were about to reply when your phone vibrated and Charles’ name popped on your screen.

“Three hours of being caught in traffic and four diversions. That’s how bad it is. The F2 paddock is literally under water. I don't see how it could get better. We would need a miracle for the race.” he explained.

“You could have told me that over a text you know… you didn’t need to call me. Although I’m happy to hear from you.”

“I know… I just needed to express my frustration out loud.”

“What does the organization say about the situation?” you asked, your journalistic instincts taking over.

“Nothing. They are waiting to see if the alert is about to be lifted or not. It’s stupid. It’s endangering people. Anyway… how are you doing?”

“Good. Busy preparing the maybe non race weekend” you laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“I bet. If by miracle Imola was to happen, are you down for a coffee or a walk or anything really… I need to get my mind out of the season.” he sighed.

“Getting your mind out of it by hanging out with someone whose whole job revolves around covering the season?”

“I want to talk to my lovely friend. Not to the annoying journalist.”

“I can be that.”

“What? Annoying, believe me, I know.” you could hear the laugh in his voice.

“No! Lovely, idiot.”

“I know that too. You’re cute.”

You felt your cheeks reddened and a deafening silence on the other end of the line.

“I mean… cute in a puppy way. Not in a sexy and attractive way… not that you are not sexy and attractive. Not to me. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there that could fancy you.” he quickly added as you were hoping the floor would swallow you whole. “You know what I mean?”

“Not really, no.”

“Just… forget I said anything, yeah?”

He didn’t have to tell you twice.

After Imola had been canceled, just like how Charles had predicted it, the next stop of the season was Monaco, also known as the busiest time for you. In absence of a French GP, Monaco was now the closest of a homerace than it could be, meaning you were busier than ever. It was going to be a big weekend and you were really excited. You barely had time for yourself as when you were not working, you were texting Charles who was almost as busy as you were. But as the week was progressing and the Grand Prix was right around the corner, communication died down.

Indeed, Charles was swamped with interviews and sponsoring events from left to right and it was only when he was alone in his flat that he could check on his phone, sadder than what he was supposed to be when he noticed that you had stopped texting him. It was stupid, he knew how busy you were and it was unfair to ask from you to be there for him when he knew that he couldn’t do the same for you. And you were just friends, not that close even if over the last weeks he felt like he had started to know you on a deep level and you could say the same about him. He didn’t really understand why he felt so bothered not talking to you and he reassured himself thinking he would see you in the paddock.

But you weren’t there on media day, busy shooting reports in the streets of Monaco, nor were you here during Free Practices as you were covering the F2 sessions. He didn’t try to overthink and focused on the qualifyings the next day, sure that you would be there to welcome him in the media pen. But you weren’t, Marion was. He quickly asked Silvia if she knew why it was not you and she shrugged.

His home race’s weekend was starting a bit too well for his liking and as if fate had heard his doubts, the penalty dropped as he was heading out. Saying he was mad was an understatement. It was unfair, he knew he didn’t deserve it, not like this and it’s defeated that he met Arthur, at their mom’s house. Arthur was no better than him, he was not proud of his driving so far.

“I feel like I’m a failure. I don’t deserve my seat there and people are starting to be more and more vocal about that…” he confessed to Charles.

“Shut up. You do. And the ones who are saying you don’t are stupid. They don’t matter.”

“I want to make dad proud, Charles.”

“I know. I do too. And I promise you we will. We are going to give our all tomorrow. For him.” Charles assured.

But both races for the brothers ended up pretty badly for different reasons. Arthur had to DNF and Charles, retrograded in P6 after his penalty stayed in this position throughout the whole race. No actions, nothing. just a boring race and one he wanted to forget. But as he was heading to the media pen, he noticed you and suddenly, he felt better. He walked confidently to you and gave you a smile, that you reciprocated. He was about to answer confidently when he heard your first question.

“P6 for you today Charles after your penalty and another home Grand Prix that is not going as expected. Do you start to believe that you might get cursed after all?”

“I.. I… Well, I think it’s just a matter of circumstances. We tried our best to fight with everyone but it wasn’t enough.”

“Do you envision the possibility of you never winning Monaco?”

“Of course not! I’ll always give my all here and I know that one day it will pay off.” he answered a bit more harshly than what he intended. He didn’t understand where your questions were coming from. It was just like at the beginning of the season and it seemed that all the progress that you both had made were vanishing and your relationship back to square one. He didn’t even glance at you as he walked out of the media pen, even more frustrated than when he got in.

Once the post race meeting was over, he wandered around the paddock, trying to search for you and determined to find answers. He wanted to know why you had been so aggressive with your questions. He knew that the chances were high that you would still be around but despite his best attempts, you were nowhere to be seen and that angered him even more.

To let loose and as it was now a tradition, Charles and a few of his closest friends went out clubbing. It was one of the moments he was waiting for the most during the Grand Prix weekend and today, more than ever, he needed it. Other drivers were there as well. Pierre and his girlfriend Kika, Alex with Lily and George with Carmen, making him feel more single than ever.

“I’m not in the mood to see so many happy couples tonight.” he complained to Joris at the bar.

“Well that could be easily arranged, you know. There are so many girls who are waiting in line for you. Just pick one.”

“You know that I’m not that kind of guy. I need to feel a connection with someone.”

“Come on, man. After this weekend I think you deserve to enjoy yourself.”

Charles sighed and scanned the room only to see you there, talking and laughing with Mick. You seemed happy, carefree, something you only had shown to him and he admitted it, he felt jealous. Even more when Mick hugged you and he saw you reciprocating it. He clenched his jaw and drank his whiskey in one gulp. He didn’t care how he felt the liquid burning his throat, at the moment it was not worse than the burning he felt in his chest. He was so caught up watching you that he didn’t see Pierre approaching.

“There you are. I was starting to think you had gone home to be grumpy on your own.”

Charles barely made a sound to acknowledge his presence and Pierre followed his best friend’s gaze. Here you were, now on the dancefloor with Mick who was busy making you twirl around. He looked at Charles to see him clench his jaw and barely understood what was going on. He had never seen him acting like that.

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Sure. That’s why you look like you want to see Mick buried six feet under.”

“I’m not.”

��It's okay, Charles. You can admit it. I won’t say anything or anyone.”

“There is nothing to admit.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“Fuck off, Gasly.” he finally brushed his friend off, as Joris was laughing.

He got out of the club, not feeling in the mood to party anymore. He was jealous. That was true. And he never thought that seeing you with another man would make him this angry. He wanted to be the one to make you laugh, the one to make you dance, the only one worthy of your hugs, the only one to put a bright smile on your face. And that was true, maybe his feelings were not as friendly as he thought.

You were slightly drunk, you knew it. You had spent the night laughing with Mick and Marion. You needed it. It had been a hell of a few weeks and letting loose was what you had been waiting for. On your way out, giggling as you were barely able to put one foot in front of the other, Marion joined you.

“I think it’s time for you to rest, missy.” she laughed, taking your bag out of your hands, scared you would drop it.

“How are you not drunk?”

“Experience, darling.”

She hailed a taxi and you both hopped in and made your way back to the hotel.

“Are you going to be okay on your own or do you need me to walk you to your room?” Marion asked.

“I’ll be fine.”

And you wouldn’t admit to her that you made a mistake on your floor number. When you finally made it, you were just dreaming about a nice shower and your soft bed. But when you looked up and your heart almost jumped out of your chest as you were feeling yourself sobering up rather quickly, you knew you were not getting them as soon as you hoped for. Charles was standing up in front of your door.

Author's note: An early chapter as I'm nor sure I'll be able to post tomorrow. What do you think Charles is doing here? What is he going to say?

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elisysd · 30 days

Text

Such a masterpiece from beginning to end

Chapter 37:

I think I am finally clean…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

It was raining. In Monaco. In August. When it was decided that I wanted to go talk to Diaz we called his Doctor to set up a meeting. That he asked us to come the next day was scary and Charles asked me if I was sure and if I needed more time, but no. It was decided. The flights were booked, the hotel reserved. And then the rain came pouring down. The whole way to the airport. The flight. The way to the hotel. Rain. Dark and cloudy sky.

It almost felt like a sign. The universe telling me to not go there. To not go see him. But this little voice in the back of my mind was a bitch. Telling me to go. Telling me to listen to him. I was nervous. Anxious. Scared. Angry. Desperate. Devastated. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know what to do. Neither knew Charles. He sat on one of the armchairs, watching me watching the rain outside our window.

"Cara mia?" he asked after a while and I turned a little, looking at him "Let’s order something to eat? Maybe watch a movie?"

"I’m not hungry." I mumbled, turning my back at him again, continuing staring outside, watching the lightning bolts chasing after each other in the darkening sky.

"Lizzie…" he whispered, standing right behind me and I flinched "Hey!" he turned me around, gently grabbing my chin, tilting my head upwards "We don’t have to go there… we can fly back home tomorrow and by Thursday we’re already on the boat. Leaving for the summer."

"No. I want to go. I want to talk to him…" my voice was raspy and weak "I want to know why…" I stopped. Body shaking. The thoughts of what Diaz put me through all coming back in my mind.

"Okay. But you need all your strength and power…" he kissed my cheek and I slowly nodded "Burger and Fries? Or Pizza?"

"Umm…" I bit my lip, thinking about it.

"Both it is…" Charles chuckled and walked over to the phone "And I think a chocolate milkshake sounds also pretty good, no?"

"Perfect." I smiled at him and sat down on the sofa, pulling my knees up to my chest, when he sat down next to me, he pulled me into him.

"You’re shaking… and I can hear your heart practically beating from here…" Charles whispered and I burried my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent, calming down immediately.

"I’m okay… or I will be… you’re here." I mumbled.

"I’m not leaving your side for a single moment." he kissed the top of my head and I nodded slowly.

"Good, because I think I can’t do it alone."

The drive from the hotel to the psychiatric hospital outside of Madrid felt like an eternity. My leg was bouncing nervously, Charles’ hand on my thigh, rubbing soothing circles on it to calm me down. I saw on the screen that we would arrive in 32 minutes and I felt my insides churning. 32 minutes. The time was ticking away so slowly that I closed my eyes, leaning back. Humming a melody that was stuck in my head. After a while I started to sing. Quietly. Only for myself to hear I thought. Only to calm myself down.

"I always loved it when you were singing…" Charles whispered after a while and I looked at him with big eyes "You have a beautiful voice, cara mia. I said it a million times before…"

"Oh stop…" I chuckled a little, looking out the window again.

"I’ll stop when you continue to sing." he stated and I sighed a little, but then continued. Charles grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles, calming me down even more. When the navigation system let us know that we arrived at our destination all calmness was gone, replaced by anxiety. The guard at the gate asked our names and then the big and heavy looking iron gate opened up, revealing a long driveway up a hill, the psychiatric hospital on top of it. As soon as we parked I felt my anxiety grow even more, the skin at my nape prickling, goosebumps erupting. I swallowed hard and Charles looked at me.

"Lizzie, you don’t have to do this. No one would think less of you. Just because he wants to talk to you, doesn’t mean that you have to grant him his wish. We can go home. Forget about it." he took my hands in his and I closed my eyes.

"I’m not giving him the satisfaction that he won…" my voice became hoarse.

"He didn’t win, Lizzie. You did. You are here. Free. He’s locked up. You won." he squeezed my hands and I looked at him.

"I don’t want to look weak…" I began but Charles shook his head.

"You’re the strongest person I know! What he did to you? And still you decided to come here! You are so brave, cara mia."

"You come in with me, right? I don’t want to face him alone…" I said hesitantly, but Charles gently leaned his forehead against mine.

"I would never let you go in there alone!"

"Thank you…" I sighed and he nodded.

"Okay, are you ready?" he mustered me for a moment and I nodded "Then let’s go." he got out of the car, walked around it and opened my door, holding his hand out "I’m with you. Every step of the way."

Charles held my hand tight as we walked to the entrance, a security guard nodding at us, a buzzer rang out, opening the doors. At the front desk a nurse was waiting for us.

"Señora Doetterer, Señor Leclerc, Dr. Martínez is already awaiting you. I’ll take you to him." she smiled at us, then pointed at the front desk "You have to sign into our visitor book and wear these." she handed us a visitor pass each, which I tried to clip to my jacket, with my shaky hands but I failed and Charles helped me, before he did the same with his, then I took the pen to sign into the book but my hand was shaking too much and I dropped the pen.

"Here, let me do that." Charles picked up the pen and signed us both in, then he grabbed my hand again and looked at me for "Do you need a moment?"

"No, I’m okay." I shook my head and he looked at me intently, before he nodded.

"Okay, then let’s go." he turned to look at the nurse and we followed her.

The hallway was long. White. Bright neon light from above. Our steps echoed from the walls. Every door was locked with a keypad. It was quiet. Too quiet. The air smelled somewhat burned, mixed with disinfectant. The whole place felt sinister. We stopped in front of an elevator and the nurse called it down with a keycard. We stepped in, letting it take us to the second floor, still following the nurse. She turned left and stopped in front of a door, then she knocked and opened the door. I walked in first, quickly followed by Charles.

"Ah! Miss Doetterer, Mr. Leclerc, take a seat, please! I’m Dr. Martínez." a middle aged man in dark blue slacks, white button down and a grey sports jacket got up from his chair and walked around the table, shaking our hands "Thank you, Inez, I call you in as soon as we need you."

"Of course, Dr. Martínez." the nurse replied and closed the door behind us.

"Thank you for coming today, Miss Doetterer." he sat back down, a friendly smile on his face "And of course, thank you too, Mr. Leclerc. It’s always better if a confrontation like today happens when the… the victim has some emotional but also physical support by their side."

"How will this confrontation look like? Is he locked behind bars? I’m not letting him get close to Lizzie." Charles said and Dr. Martínez nodded.

"I understand your concerns, Mr. Leclerc. I assure you, you both will be save. He is chained to the chair he’s sitting on. Me and another nurse will be by his side, while you two will sit at the other side of the table." he explained.

"The moment I sense any form of discomfort for Lizzie, I will end this whole thing and we leave." Charles squeezed my hand tightly.

"Of course! Now, as I told you already on the phone, Salva suffers from a plethora of mental illnesses. He has tendencies to a bipolar disorder as well as a strong obsession with you Lizzie, it goes that far to be considered as an illness called erotomania. It is a relatively uncommon paranoid condition that is characterized by an individual's delusions of another person being infatuated with them. He talked about how he saw you at press conferences and that he could feel how you were flirting, being affectionate towards him, but when he confronted you, you denied your infatuation with him. In his mind you did things that showed him that you were interested but just too shy to admit it. I think he tried to lure a confession out of you, by asking highly sexualised questions, hoping you would finally admit your feelings. When you instead of confirming his fantasies getting him banned from the paddock, his love and admiration turned into rage and obsession. In his mind you were forbidding him of his love for you. His object of desire became the manifestation of his hatred."

"But why does he want to talk to me then? Why does he want to see me then? When he hates me?" I almost whispered.

"He seemed remorseful, when he told me everything. He talked about how he realised that the way he pursued you was wrong. Maybe he sees this as his absolution. Apologising to you. Explaining why he did what he did."

"Okay." I looked down on the floor, a little ink stain underneath the table was suddenly all too interesting.

"I suggest you let him talk, let him say what he has to say, from then on we’ll see how to progress." Dr. Martínez got up but Charles held up his hand.

"To make this clear. We’re not here for his sake. We’re here for Lizzie. For her peace of mind. For her to find closure. When I see that this confrontation is taking its toll on her, we’re out. I don’t care if he’s in the middle of a heartfelt apology or whatever. I don’t care for him. If this doesn’t benefit Lizzie, we’re leaving. Again, if I sense just the slightest of discomfort for her, the session is done. We will leave immediately. I don’t care if he finds absolution. He can rot in hell for what it’s worth, if it were up to me." Charles looked at the doctor with stormy eyes. His grasp on my hand comforting me, grounding me.

"Mr. Leclerc, I understand that you want to protect your girlfriend. But a negative, hostile attitude won’t be helpful. Maybe you should wait outsi-…"

"No. I stay by her side, or we’re leaving immediately. Again. We’re here for Lizzie. And only Lizzie. If that’s a problem for you, say it now and we see ourselves out." Charles stood his ground and the way he defended me gave me a sense of security, comfort. I squeezed his hand and he looked at me, smiling encouraging "These are our conditions. It’s up to you now."

Dr. Martínez looked between us, then sighed.

"Please follow me." he pushed a button on his phone and a moment later the door opened and Inez, the nurse from before, smiled at us.

"Salva is waiting for you, Dr."

With every step we took I felt more and more sick. My breathing was ragged, vision blurry. The only thing keeping me going and steady was Charles next to me, holding me close by the waist with one hand, his other hand had my hand in a tight grip.

"I want you to hold my hand in there, the whole time. I want you to squeeze my hand as hard as you can when it’s getting too much, then we’re leaving. You are the strongest person I know, just coming here was so incredibly brave of you!" he whispered reassuring into my ear and I nodded slightly "I’m here, you’re not alone. He can’t hurt you anymore, he can’t hurt anyone anymore, okay?"

"Okay…" I whispered back and we stopped in front of a door.

"Ready?" Dr. Martínez asked and I nodded "Alright." he opened up the door with his keycard and we waited for the buzzer, as soon as it rang out he pushed the door open, stepping inside.

I took one last deep breath, Charles smiling at me, and followed the doctor, Charles right at my back. We sat down and I held my head down, starring at the floor.

"What? You don’t even want to look at me and say hi?" Salva’s voice was like ice running through my veins.

"Salva." Dr. Martínez scolded him and he sighed.

"Hello Lizzie. Hello Charles. Thank you for coming here today." he didn’t sound remorseful, he sounded almost bored.

"Salva, why don’t you tell Lizzie and Charles what you told me, how you regret what you did. How you want to be better."

"Ahhh yeah… that story. See. I don’t think I need to be better… I just wanted an opportunity to talk to Lizzie and where Lizzie goes, Charles follows, isn’t that right" Diaz chuckled and looked at me and then Charles Diaz looked at him, straight in the eyes "By the way. How did you like my little gift on Bianchi’s death day?" he smirked and my eyes widened.

The article from the Spanish newspaper. I was right. It was him. I felt Charles tensing up next to. He tried to not show any emotions but I felt his hand tremble slightly.

"I got over it." he pressed out through clenched teeth.

"Good for you. Really!" Diaz replied, turning his head a little, looking at me as if he waited for me to say something "Oh come on, Lizzie. You came… that means you want to talk. You want to hear my story. You want to…"

"Why?" I interrupted him, my voice barely a whisper.

"Why?" he looked at me and I nodded.

"Why do you want to talk to me? Do you want to explain yourself? Apologise…?" I asked.

"Apologise? No. No definitely not… But I want to tell you my side of the story… why I did what I did… why everything that has happened to you and your family are the consequences of your own doing…"

"Why you did what you did? You started this whole shit just because I rejected you! Back in 2019! In Assen!"

"2019? No. This started earlier. Way earlier. In 2009 to be precise." his smile made me shiver and I looked to Charles, confusion evident on his face as well.

"2009?" I repeated and Diaz nodded.

"Lizzie didn’t know you back then." Charles said and Diaz looked at him.

"Oh, but she did. You as well…" he stated, laughing at the confusion evident on our faces "You see, I’m from a very traditional and conservative family. We don’t think that girls should race… so of course, when we race against a girl, we have to win. Because a girl can’t be better than us. But there was this little annoying brat, always laughing and smiling, charming everyone, fellow drivers, parents, journalists, even racing directors…"

"Just because Lizzie was nice to everyone doesn’t mean that she was charming the race directors!" Charles interrupted and Diaz laughed.

"Oh Charlie boy. Still the big, old guard dog. Funny how nothing has changed." he leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head "Let’s just say, Japan wasn’t the first time your fist hit my face."

"What do you mean?" I asked him and he chuckled.

"Remember when you were disqualified from that race in Italy…"

"… because I punched David…" Charles replied and I remembered that day.

"David Salvador Castro Diaz. David Castro then… Salva Diaz now. Oh you should see the look on your faces. Priceless."

"So you couldn’t beat Lizzie in karting. That’s the reason you did all this?" Charles gently squeezed my hand under the table, when he felt how I tensed up.

"I could beat her, I just never had the chance to. Not when the others were guarding you on track that nothing could happen to our little princess. Not when the race directors where favouring you. My dad was seething. I was a shame for him, he told me more than once. All the money he invested, for me to be beaten by a little girl. No, he couldn’t keep on doing that. He stopped supporting me, so I had to stop karting. Because of you, my dream got destroyed."

"No one protected me on track! How many races did I not finish because some asshole couldn’t handle the fact that I was better and drove straight into me, sending me off track! No, you had the chance to beat me, but you just weren’t good enough." my voice was shaky but I stood my ground, looking at him.

"As long as you believe it. I know the truth. I lost everything. My own father was so ashamed of me that he never supported me in anything ever after. And then I had to witness how you made your way up the series. You both. But at least I knew that you weren’t ever going to make it into F1." Diaz looked at me, grinning like the devil.

"You became a journalist to get your revenge?" I asked confused and he laughed.

"No. I wanted to work in motorsports, after all it still was my biggest passion. A passion you took away from me. I studied sport journalism and during my fifth semester I made an internship at Marca and was sent to some lower Formula races. And who did I bump into out of all people at a F2 race? You. After winning Monaco in 2017. I saw how people were talking about you. How great you were. What a good race you had. I was seething. You didn’t even recognise me. I saw you after that weekend again and again. I even asked you some questions but you didn’t recognise me, how could you, always looking at your little prince with heart eyes? I remember the first time when you were asked if you were a couple and you denied it. Part of me thought you just didn’t want everyone to know, but there was this other part that knew it was because of me. Because when I asked my questions, you were so sweet and kind! Always a joke on your lips and a smile that made everyone feel special. But I knew it was only for me. You just didn’t knew it yet."

"No! It wasn’t just for you! That’s how I am! I told you in Assen! I told you that I am like this! I try to be nice to everyone! It never was just for you! I didn’t want to make you feel special!" I was getting furious, my voice almost trembling.

"Oh come on Lizzie! That little fighting back you did in Assen? Who are you kidding? It wasn’t even noticeable, otherwise guard dog Charle would’ve come down and save you, isn’t that right? You watched me kiss her and you didn’t see anything wrong about it. So you just let it be." Diaz smirked at Charles who paled a little.

"No! NO! It wasn’t like that! I saw you lean in for the kiss and then kissing her and turned away. I didn’t watch it! But I regret it! Every damn second of my life I regret that I wasn’t man enough to stay there. It was my own fault that it could get this far. Would I just have told you what I felt for you I sure as hell would’ve jumped over the banister when I saw him kissing you." Charles voice now trembling when he looked at me. I squeezed his hand a little and shook my head.

"It wasn’t your fault. Nothing of it. I could’ve told you how I felt as well but didn’t do it!"

"How you felt for him? But still you kissed me?" Diaz laughed.

"I didn’t kiss you-…" my head snapped into his direction.

"Of course you did! That first kiss! You didn’t-…"

"THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS EVER! I WAS SHELL SHOCKED! I COULDN’T MOVE! I WAS PETRIFIED! MY HEAD WAS EMPTY! AND YOU PUSHED ME AGAINST THE WALL! AGAINST MY WILL! WHEN I TRIED TO PUSH YOU OFF OF ME YOU GRINNED AND STARTED TOUCHING ME ALL OVER! I DIDN’T WANT THAT!" I screamed at him and for the first time the mad smile disappeared from his face.

"I didn’t want any of it! I never had feelings for you! I never gave you hidden signals! I never flirted with you! Nothing! You took my first kiss away from me! Forcefully! You groped me! I had bruises afterwards! And nothing of it was consensual! NOTHING!" I looked at him in disgust, tears threatening to spill, when I saw the smile coming back.

"You wished your first kiss would’ve been Charlie boy here? Too bad that he didn’t want the same… no he had his first kiss with Camille in the club… and poor Lizzie had to watch… I saw how your face fell when he kissed her. How your heart broke and I just knew that I had to make it up to you. I would’ve never hurt you like this…"

"But you did hurt me! Again and again! You never stopped hurting me!" I spat out.

"That’s your own fault! I saw you leaving, I followed you, I wanted to talk to you! But you were fucking rude, shoving me out of your way, not even saying sorry, not even acknowledging me. No. You just shoved me out of your way like I was an obstacle. An abomination. Not even when you almost tripped and fell down the stairs outside and I helped you. You brushed me off. You hissed at me to leave you the fuck alone. That was the moment I realised you’re not at all the sweet girl that I thought you were. You were a bitch. A cold hearted bitch. I wanted to follow you. I wanted to get to you. But you jumped into a taxi and left. But that was the moment I knew I had to do something. You broke my heart. Now it was my turn breaking yours!"

"And you did that. Over and over again. You did horrible things. To punish me? For not reciprocating your feelings?" I asked him and he threw his head back laughing.

"Salva! You wanted me to call Lizzie and ask her to come here and tell her how you feel and how you regret what you did! Why don’t you start-…" Dr. Martinez began but Diaz waved him off.

"I had to punish you! You played with me, tricked me into believing you had feelings for me! You were living my dream! Everyone talked about how unfair it was that someone as good as you didn’t drive in F1. I couldn’t believe my ears! But then… after your little accident I thought it was over for you. But no. Not for Lizzie Doetterer and her flock of little helpers… no, you found a way into F1. A half dead girl. No. I couldn’t let that happen. But ultimately I couldn’t change it. You made it. Audi took you in and I knew I had to do something. So I did my best to get my blog going. Get Marca and ESPN Spain to sponsor me, so that I would get paddock passes for all races. And then I started to think about how I could make your life in the paddock a living hell. I knew you always had a little problem with your short temper… so I knew I just had to tease you long enough and you would snap. Reveal to everyone how you really are. That this cute and nice and funny girl is just a facade! I wanted the cold hearted bitch that you are to come out…"

"Lizzie was never a cold hearted bitch, you hear me? She was always one of the most compassionate and empathic people I know. And the only reason you think different than anyone else is because she first beat you over and over and then later turned you down. That’s pathetic. You’re pathetic…" Charles said through gritted teeth and I could see how angry he was.

"I wouldn’t say she beat me over and over but…"

"She did! You were never in front of her in any of the races you competed against her! At least 30 to 40 times she showed you again and again that she was better than you!" Charles interrupted him, a triumphant smile on his face.

"43." Diaz spat out.

"43?" Charles asked.

"43 races…" Diaz looked at me.

"43?" I repeated and something came back to my mind "43 letters…" I whispered and Charles looked at me.

"43 letters?" he asked gently and I looked at him.

"I received some fan letters over the winter break… I received 43 from him… all saying the same…" I began and Diaz laughed.

"Happy New Year, Lizzie. 2022 was only the beginning… This year I’m coming for everything if you won’t do what I say." he repeated the words of the letter and I felt a shiver running down my spine "Everything I did had a purpose. Everything I did was connected somehow…"

"Salva, we’re really on the wrong path here… we really should end this-…" Dr. Martinez nodded to the nurse but I shook my head.

"No! I want to know what else you did. That wasn’t all, I know it. I can see it in your face, there’s more!" I said and Diaz nodded.

"So much more… I don’t even know where to start… what about how you were lying to everyone? You were denying that you were a couple all the damn time and I almost believed it. It made sense to me. But then? Cut to Melbourne. Oh boy! I was fuming when I saw you kissing. After all this time, after he broke your heart. After he hurt you so much. You still chose him? You again disappointed me beyond believe!" Salva hissed "But for some reason you kept on lying about it. Denying that you were a couple. Made us all look like fools! I needed to show the world that you’re not this nice girl they all thought you were! I saw how you shared a hotel room in Imola and Barcelona and then you stayed with him in Monaco. So I wanted to expose you in Baku, I just had to. I paid the lady at the front desk to give me your room number and then I lit up a trash can… I wanted everyone to see how you were sharing a room. How you lied to everyone! Why would he be with you and not in his hotel in the middle of the night, if you’re not a couple, right?"

"But you failed! No one saw us!" Charles said and Diaz chuckled.

"Well yeah… in Baku I failed…" he shrugged his shoulders "Not in Mexico though… getting into the medical centre was easy, again, for a certain amount of money, people would do everything. That little snippet of you and her dad…" he shook his head towards Charles "… that was just the cherry on top to cause a little more drama. I was hoping to get another one of your enemies on board, backing up the story, because boy oh boy you sure do have a long list of people who don’t like you, Lizzie. But Camille didn’t want to be part of it… I asked her again for a statement when it came to the paternity of little Liam, but damn she was tough, didn’t want anything to do with it. She said she loves seeing you suffer, but she won’t be part of it. Boring if you ask me, everything feels better, knowing that you played your part in it, ask me, I know what I’m talking about."

"Salva!" Dr. Martinez reprimanded but I held up my hand.

"No, let him talk…" I said and the doctor wiped his brows, sighing loudly.

"This was supposed to be an opportunity for Salva to show remorse, to help him in his recovery… I think it’s better if we end this." Dr. Martinez said, nodding to the nurse.

"No! Let him talk, if Lizzie wants him to continue!" Charles said and I nodded "I told you we’re here for Lizzie. She wants this, so let him talk."

"See, doc? They love my story telling!" Diaz teased.

"Please Dr. Martinez, I need to know the full story… the whole truth…" I looked at him and he nodded slowly.

"Okay…" he slowly agreed and Diaz clapped, smiling brightly at us.

"Where were we?" he asked, scratching his chin "Oh yeah. Monaco. How I loved seeing you like this. Watching you sitting all by yourself, waiting for the hometown hero. What a picture of misery…"

"I knew that someone was watching me… I felt it…" I whispered.

"I was watching you all the time. You were never alone. I was almost always around. Watching you. Studying you. Learning every little thing about you… but Monaco this year? Oh you have no ideas how much it satisfied me, seeing you like this. I could practically see how you were asking yourself it it was the right decision to not do what I wanted…" Diaz stated.

"If you studied me, learned every little thing about me, then you must’ve known that I would never do what you asked of me? I would never go through with your plan…" I began and he yet again began to laugh as if I told him the funniest joke ever.

"Oh Lizzie, come on! Use your brain? It was never about the bets. Or the money. It was about you. Destroying you and your reputation. I planted the seeds from the beginning of last season. Comments and tweets here and there about how you made it into F1 in the first place. Releasing that article about Audi‘s early entry. Provoking your little guard dog to yet again safe his damsel in distress. An article about your attitude, growing aggression. You just played right into my hands in Australia, being this furious after the race. That clip of you throwing away your helmet? Priceless. How people started to question if your facade slowly started to crumple and they get to see the real Lizzie… and now imagine you would’ve done what I asked of you? Deliberately take out Charles and you in Monaco? Secure Max’s wins? Bet on the races? That’s morally so wrong… the lack of integrity! And that all from the driver who stood out as a role model for many young girls out there?"

"But I refused to do it…" I said quietly, my mouth dry "And your punishment for me was hurting my family? Hurting Charles?"

"It didn’t matter if you would’ve agreed to do what I asked you to. The article about your sister’s baby daddy and Charles being it were both set to drop that weekend regardless. Finding her ex and making him comply was easy. Again, with the right amount of money everything is possible. It also helped that he didn’t like you. What am I saying, he hates you." he smiled like he just had told us a beautiful anecdote.

"But how? You said you lost sponsors! You said you needed the money! How did you pay the lab, Sven? Or last year, the lady in the hotel? Whoever let you in the medical centre in Mexico? How did you pay all these people if you have no money?" I was confused "If you needed to bet on races to get some money out of it?"

"Daddy dearest stopped supporting me financially because of you. But when he died I still inherited his money. So you see, I didn’t care for the bets. It’s ridiculous to bet on races. There’s not much money to win. But what would everyone think when innocent and sweet little Lizzie was seen in a betting shop? Betting on races? Races she drives in? You walked blindly into my trap, I took pictures of you going in. You even signed a receipt. The photos, a copy of the receipt along with the betting slips? How would that look in public?"

"Thats what this was all about? You thought I didn’t deserve what I achieved. You were mad that I didn’t treat you the way you think I should’ve? So you wanted to destroy my career at all costs? My-…" I began and he just shrugged his shoulders, laughing out loud.

"No… not just your career… I wanted to destroy everything. Your family. Your reputation. Your life. You." he answered simply and I closed my eyes for a second. Letting his words sink in.

"And what was your plan if you succeeded? If you ruined everything for me? If there was nothing left you could’ve taken from me?" I looked at him, my voice trembling.

"I would find another way to make you suffer even more… don’t you see? Your pain and your agony is what satiates me, what keeps me going, what-…" his voice indifferent. Face blank. Void of any emotions.

"Salva, please! If you don’t stop this… we’re ending it, then! Didn’t you want to tell Lizzie how much you regret-…" Dr. Martínez tried it again, but Diaz only shook his head.

"Regret what? That I wanted to take what was mine? No. Everything I did was justified." he said, his voice indifferent.

"Lizzie was never yours!" Charles was fuming.

"Oh yeah? She’s yours then? No. No I don’t think so! No. If I can’t have here, no one can! That’s why I waited in her apartment for her. To give her a final chance. To choose me." Diaz spat out, looking at me with a look of sheer hate.

"But that’s the thing… she didn’t choose you. You lost. Again. We walk out of here. Lizzie and I. Together. I am her’s just as much as she is mine and nothing you did in the past changed that. You failed. You’re a failure. And we are free to leave. Free to live our life’s. While you? Well…" the way Charles said it made me shiver. I never heard his voice turn so cold. He squeezed my hand and then looked at me "Ready to go?"

I nodded. I knew everything now. He told me everything that he did. And I survived. Charles was right. We would walk out here, while Diaz would stay here. We stood up, ready to leave.

"You know… there is one thing I do regret though, Dr. Martinez, you’re right…" Diaz almost whispered, looking at Charles, again his mad smile on his lips "When I had the chance to get rid of her? To end it all? I wasn’t fully determined to went through with it… because a part of me still thought that with a little time she would finally admit her feelings for me… so I hesitated… and she survived…"

"What do you mean? When you had the chance to get rid of Lizzie?" Charles voice was dangerously low, letting go of my hand.

"I told you I was everywhere. Always watching Lizzie from afar… who would ever suspect a journalist from Spain, with no connection to Lizzie at all, to drive a black Mercedes and run her over and then flee the scene… never looking ba-…" he didn’t even finish the sentence when Charles lunged at him over the table, the nurse jumping in just in time to pull Charles off of Diaz.

"I’m going to kill you, you hear me? You’re dead!" Charles screamed, fighting against the nurse who held him back as the door opened, a security guard and two nurses storming in. The security guard pulled Charles with him outside and one of the nurses guided me outside as well, at the door I turned around and looked at Diaz, again a mad smile on his face.

"Maybe I didn’t win, but at least I made your life a living hell for a while." he began to laugh, the shrill tone made my blood freeze.

As soon as I stood in the hallway and the door to Diaz’ room was closed, I sank down against the wall. Pulling my knees up to my chest. Exhaustion taking over.

"Let go of me!" Charles struggled against the tight grip the security guard had on him and as soon as he was released he kneeled down in front of me "Lizzie?" he whispered, gently cupping my cheeks, making me look at him "Hey! Cara mia, look at me!"

"It was him. He tried to kill me." my voice barely audible.

"And he will pay for it, okay? He will rot in here for the rest of his life, I’ll make sure of it." Charles sounded determined "He confessed it all. Everything he did. He will never be free."

"Can we leave?" I whispered, looking at him.

"Of course. Let’s go home."

We packed up our bags and drove to the airport, jet ready to take us back home. Away from Diaz. Away from the pain he caused. Away from all the horrible things he did. Back in Charles flat I took a shower. A long one. I sat under the spray of the shower head, feeling numb. I didn’t even react when Charles sat down behind me, pulling me into his lap.

"I thought I would feel better… " I whispered, eyes closed.

"It was a lot, he revealed more than what you’ve expected… what we expected…" Charles replied, rubbing my back.

"It was him. Everything that ever happened… it was him…"

"And he confessed it all. In front of us. The doctor. The nurse. He confessed his crimes. He will never be able to hurt you, okay? I’ll take care of it!" Charles kissed my shoulder "And now come on. Let’s get out of here… you look like a raisin." he got up and pulled me with him.

We stepped outside the shower and Charles wrapped me into a towel, kissing my nose.

"I ordered some food from Antonio’s." he said and I smiled "All your favourites."

"Thank you." I wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled into him.

"Everything for you." he kissed my temple "Let’s eat and watch a movie. Tomorrow we pack and then on Thursday we leave this mess behind for a while."

"What’s up?" he asked after a while of me pacing back and forth, my half packed suitcase in front of me.

"Can we- can we talk about something?" I said and he nodded, throwing his swim shorts into his suitcase.

He sat down on the bed, patting the space next to him and I took a deep breath, sitting down. I was thinking about my words, nervously fiddling with a loose thread from the blanket.

"Come one now, cara mia. What’s going on?" Charles took my hand in his and smiled at me.

"I need to ask you something. You can say no! Really! It’s just… I was wondering… do you think- umm… would it be okay for you, if I- if I move in with you? Here into your flat?" I stammered and Charles looked at me, his face showed his clear surprise.

"Move in with me? Like permanently?" he repeated and I nodded slowly.

"I can’t stand being in my flat… not anymore, not after what happened… I- I don’t feel safe anymore. He, Diaz, he defiled it. It doesn’t feel like home anymore. I don’t want to be reminded of everything that has happened in there…" I whispered, looking down.

"And you feel safe here?" Charles asked and I looked at him "We were mostly at your place after you bought it… I figured it was because here reminds you of Camille."

"I mean it does… sometimes. Not all the time. But yeah… it’s not that bad… it’s better than my place at least." I sighed.

He looked at me for a while, then grabbed his phone. He typed away, got a text back and answered. After two more texts he nodded and stood up.

"Alright. Let’s go." he held his hand out to me and I looked at him confused "Come on. Move."

"Where are we going?" I asked, letting him pull me into the hallway where he slipped into his shoes, he waved towards my shoes and I slipped them on "Charles! Where are we going!"

"You’ll see, okay?" he just said and then we left.

He didn’t say a single word the whole drive and I looked outside, not really knowing where we were. We stopped abruptly at a construction site, where a guy walked towards us and Charles rolled down his window.

"Charles? Okay. Drive all the way to the back and then turn right, again all the way to the back and then left. There you see a big C on the wall. Park there and take the doors on the right. Elevator 4." he explained and Charles nodded.

"Thanks mate." he said and drove into the underground parking garage.

"Where are we going?" I asked again as Charles followed the directions of the guy and parked the car next to the C.

"I want to show you something." he got out and I followed him "Come on."

Through the door and into elevator 4, I was still waiting for an answer when he pushed the PH button. The whole ride upstairs he didn’t say a word, just smiled at me and when the doors finally opened he took my hand, leading me outside into a hallway and then straight through a big door, right into a huge and bright entryway.

"Here’s the kitchen, it’s of course empty, we could choose our own design, but it’s a huge one as you can see. Dining room, there easily fits a table for 20 people! Imagine here a seating area, a comfy sofa right in front of the fire place. And here that would be a guest room. Look how big it is, with an en suite bathroom, all bedrooms have that. Here’s another guest room… and here another one… and that would be our bedroom. Look at the size of the closet! Look at the bathroom. It’s empty for now, but you could design it just like the kitchen, just how you like it! A huge tub, big shower, double vanity." Charles showed me through the penthouse, a big smile on his face "Let’s go upstairs… that’s the living room, we could have the biggest, most fluffiest sofa in here! And here’s the perfect place for my piano… and now let’s get out on the terrace!" he opened up the sliding doors and we stepped outside. It was huge. Almost like a backyard of a big house "Outdoor kitchen, dining table, lounge area and here we have the best part of it all…" a freaking pool. Not a huge pool, but big enough to swim around a little, cool down on hot summer days, a little pool party with friends "What do you say? Do you like it?" he looked at me with big eyes. His excitement almost bubbling over.

"Okay… this place is insane…" I said and looked around "Really insane…"

"In a good way, or a bad way?" he asked, taking my hand "It’s big. I know. But not too big. I’m just thinking… this is a place we could stay for a while… we have enough space for family and friends coming over. We have an outdoor area! A pool. It’s perfect for us…"

"It is perfect… really… but Charles, we can’t afford it? This penthouse costs at least 50 million euros? Probably even more?" I said and he chuckled.

"First of all, no, it doesn’t cost 50 million, it’s far away from that. Second of all, we’re both F1 drivers? I think we can afford it. One of the investors is an old family friend. And another investor is a sponsor of Ferrari. I’m also Monegasque so the real estate fees don’t apply to me. Which means, we can totally afford it…" he smiled.

"You mean, you can afford it? Charles I’m not earning anywhere near your salary…" I began but he shushed me.

"I don’t care. It doesn’t matter who pays for it or who pays more. This is perfect for us. I know this is a very old school and traditional and maybe even slightly sexist way of thinking, and I apologise for it straight away, you know I’m a big supporter of gender equality and feminism, but let me handle this. Let me buy this. For us. For our future. Let me take care of this…"

"I don’t know… about how much are we talking? This is a big step! It’s not just a small 2 bedroom flat like mine! No this is a 4 bedroom, duplex penthouse with terrace and a freaking pool!" I said and Charles chuckled a little.

"And 4 parking spots… I don’t have the numbers, but I let my accountant go over it all and with the, let’s call it discounts, I can definitely afford it, don’t forget that I’ll sell my flat than as well, so that generates another source of income…" he said and now I had to chuckle.

"Your accountant? You call Enzo your accountant?" I slapped his arm and he laughed.

"Yeah because at that moment he was just that, my accountant." he looked at me and I walked inside, downstairs.

"And it’s really affordable?" I asked and Charles nodded "All of the interior design is for us to decide? Floor? Walls? Tiles? Kitchen? Bathroom? Everything?"

"Everything, cara mia. You say what you want and they’ll build it exactly that way."

"When could we move in?" I looked at him.

"The construction works are done in around 3 months and then you can design the interior… and then how ever long that takes…" a smile started to spread on his face "What are you saying?"

I walked into the area that would be the kitchen and turned a little, looking over it all. In my mind I already had tons of ideas on how I wanted this place, our place, to look like. I took one deep breath and turned around, looking at Charles hopeful face.

"I guess I’ll have to sell my flat… I want to contribute at least something…" I said and he took 3 long strides, stopping in front of me, his hands on my waist.

"Are you saying what I think you’re saying?" he whispered.

"When you’re thinking that I’m saying yes, then I am saying what you’re thinking." I answered and I could see how he puzzled the answer together, a big smile spreading on his face.

"We’re buying our first flat together." he hoisted me up, spinning me around, then he sat me down and kissed me passionately, stealing every ounce of oxygen from my body. He leaned his forehead on mine and exhaled happily.

"It’s a fresh start. A fresh start in a neutral place. No old memories. Like an empty canvas…" I mumbled and Charles nodded.

"It’s our place, for us to fill with our memories together."

"This is what I needed. After everything that has happened…" I kissed him "Thank you…"

"I can’t wait for this place to be ours. Ours. Yours and mine." he smiled and I nodded a little "I love you, cara mia."

"I love you too."

Chapter 37 - The big Salva Diaz reveal… this chapter was one of the very first that I have finished when starting this fic last summer… and it’s one of my favourites! I hope you liked it! Let me know what you think about it… next up we have the well needed summer break!

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