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[elrine]

We almost had freedom

I saw my husband staring out the window this morning with a deep longing in his eye and I realised, it’s day 21! The day we were supposed to regain our freedom. What three weeks ago, felt like a lifetime away. The last day on my 21-day calendar. The last- day of the habit-forming (reforming) experiment I undertook. I do, however, fully understand that we needed to extend, and I knew that it would never have been just 3 weeks. But it was comforting to have that end goal in sight. Now we are on day 21 of 35. To regain what resembles a glimpse of freedom, I am not going to extend my 21-day calendar nor create another one. It helped me the first few weeks, but I don’t think I need it anymore. It was fun initially, but knowing myself, if I continue, it will start to feel like chores. I'll take each day as it comes and leaves some room for surprises, more space for creative thinking. Some of the “habits”, however, I will continue with, like my morning stretches. They are amazing! I found a lot of value forcing myself to do many of them every day. Some will remain. The rest I’m not so convinced I need as an everyday thing in my life. Some might become weekend things, some week only things. Like my blogging, for instance, I enjoyed the challenge and excitement of finding out what to write every day. I think now, however, taking it down to 2/3 time a week will be sufficient. And on that note, thank you Wilmarie, for the awesome titles, the fun, inspirational and challenging thoughts and “conversation” you allowed me to have and experience in this time. It certainly made my days a little brighter! I’m not sure where this will go, but we’ll see 😊 The idea of not having to do everything on my habit-forming calendar, but rather do the ones I want to, when I want to, sound freeing. And any feeling that can provide a sense of freedom I will embrace right now. Is there anything you can change for the next two weeks to make them feel different from the past three? Is there a place where you can allow yourself a slither of freedom?

[elrine]

What I’ve learned so far.

Day 20 of official lockdown. Two weeks and six days. Only one day left on my initial 21-day habit-forming calendar I made for myself.

I remember thinking when this all started that three weeks is a long time. But it can also go quickly. I specifically remember saying that to my sister. It’s a long time when you think ahead, but when you look back, it always feels like it went a lot faster.

For me, this almost three-week time period has been exactly that. Looking back now, it went fast(ish). Which I say cautiously, because the idea of another two weeks, still feels real far away.  Oh, how I the love paradox of time. These past 20 days has provided me with sufficient opportunity to think and reflect. I noticed and learned a few things, that I would like to share with you.

About the world:

We all cope differently. Some of us used physical exercise at home as a way to stay sane. Intense exercise.  Some of us started recording our days through journaling, whether it’s online or on paper. Some of us turned to DIY projects, others found peace escaping into alternate universes online. We all relied a little more on something or someone.

South African’s as a whole cope through humour. We can turn anything into a joke or a really funny meme. Laughter really is medicine for us.

Humans are resilient. We can adapt. Whether we want to or not is a different story, but we adjust, and we adapt. 

In times of crisis, good abounds. I have always been intrigued by the human spirit. The increased number of organisations, charities and aid provided by people and institutions is evidence that goodness and kindness still prevail. Seeing people help and sacrifice and give and support, fills my heart with joy. *And I am so happy our President is Cyril Ramaphosa, who is leading the way of goodness, kindness and sacrifice. 

There is always HOPE. And as long as there is hope, we can continue, we will recover, and we will overcome.

About myself:

I can eat a lot! And showing restraint in the kitchen is not fun

I have enjoyed some of the habits I initially set for myself for this period. More than I thought I would. Like stretching every morning! I can’t believe I went so long without doing it.

I like working, I’m not a huge fan of being bored.

That said, I have adapted and given into my laziness for self-preservation 😉 

My Hope is unwavering, I am an eternal optimist and am a little excited to see our road to recovery.

[elrine]

I think I’m getting bored

It took me a solid 45mins yesterday morning trying to decide what I could do that day. I came up with reading and having a picnic outside. The picnic lasted a full 10mins, however, as it got too hot for me. Luckily my husband came to my rescue and we made a cage-like structure for his raised bed garden, to stop the birds from eating the plants. That took another 30mins. After lots of reading, lots of snacks and two naps, I found myself wondering what I could do now (It was about 3 pm). Once again, my husband luckily convinced me to play some monopoly with him. After which I chatted to some friends. And then ate again.

Days seem to go by really slowly, and generally that’s great! But after 19 days, slow turns into boring. Especially since I’ve been in isolation a week prior to that already. One thing I found great about this new “feeling” is that I think a lot more. Thinking leads to planning, which I really enjoy. So, I started planning what I still need to do around the house, when boredom hits again. Rearrange the spice cupboard and sorting out the Tupperware are on my list…I’m almost bored enough to start taking on those types of jobs, almost.

I even got excited at the idea of kids in the house, they keep you busy. Boredom is not something you ever have to worry about when you have kids. I do feel I should add that I like being super busy, this year as a whole has been one big adjustment in terms of my workload compared to previous years. I also worked on my list of wine farms I want to visit, for the views only, in my current condition.

But planning is not enough! I miss going for a coffee or walking outside. All of a sudden there are so many things I miss doing. I don’t know when last I went tobogganing, but I miss tobogganing!

Surfing! or sailing, I want to go sailing! And I want to run, anywhere. For no reason and without anything chasing me even.

When I woke up this morning, I was a little excited that it is a workday. Something to do! Yay.

[elrine]

Religious holidays in lockdown. The effects and how we still feel connected.

April is jam-packed with religious holidays. Most of these holidays are generally celebrated with friends and family. Our current situation not being ideal for celebrations and celebrations with people especially.

So, what are the effects of lockdown in terms of our connectedness?

Two things come to mind for me: Creative use of technology and focussing on the essence of the celebration. Tradition and meals and people aside, what are we really celebrating? Who are we really connected to?

Thankfully we live in an age where technology allows us to keep in contact with people near and far.  Video calling allows us to see each other and not just hear and talk anymore. It allows for a deeper level of communicating and interacting. It does not replace real face to face gatherings, but it certainly comes close in some instances.

On good Friday my sister set up a family zoom meeting (we are quite dispersed internationally between the UK, Germany and South Africa) and all of us could join in on the session where my dad prayed for us and we broke bread together. Connecting with each other.

I also found that by removing some of social traditional festivities, I could keep my focus on the event that we were remembering and celebrating. My thoughts were more present and focussed and could meditate and think about why this time is so important and what impact it has on my life. Time for reflecting and refreshing. Connecting with my Maker.

I think this lockdown provides us all with an opportunity to reflect on how we connect, who we connect with and who we are connected to. Isolation or physical distancing most definitely does not have to mean alone or disconnected.

[elrine]

Sunday Lunch or Sunday brunch?

Call me old fashioned or traditional, but many of my favourite childhood memories revolve around my grandparent's dining table on Sunday afternoons. We had a big family Sunday roasts whenever we could all get together. When we lived in the UK, my parents continued this Sunday roast tradition most Sunday’s as well.

One of the first things Hanno made me when we started dating (well it was the second meal he made) was roast lamb. (It was also the last time… I hope he is reading this and feeling inspired enough to do it again)

So, nothing shouts Sunday to me like a nice roast. Therefore, I am most definitely a Sunday lunch girl. With that said, I have become lazy, I do not always make Sunday lunches anymore. Brunches are just way more convenient. You can sleep late; the food is a lot easier to put together and don’t have to wait until lunch to eat. Most days I do brunches-especially on Saturday’s.

But one day, when I grow up and hopefully with the help of Hanno (who by then would be experienced in the art of roast lamb 😉), we will do big Sunday lunches.

[elrine]

Finding peace in this chaos.

News of the extension might not have caught many of us by surprise, but it would most definitely still have caused a reaction of some sort. Be it frustration, fear, anxiety or even anger.

I suspect, whatever peace you might have found after the first announcement, might have been slightly reduced after the second announcement.

Peace is an interesting concept and a remarkable yet diverse emotion and experience.

We can experience peace around us yet be anxious and fearful on the inside. We can have chaos around us yet be peaceful inside. Having peace on the outside does not automatically equate to peace on the inside.

So how do we find peace within our current chaos, how do we replace our fear and anxiety, with inner peace?

I can only share from my experience, and I suspect it will be different for all of us.

Creating moments of quiet to reflect and be thankful helps a lot, having a cup of coffee in the morning while watching the sunrise, or drinking a glass of wine will watching the braai fire dance, all help me to enjoy moments of peace.

To be honest, peace for me is not a feeling per se. Peace to me is a consequence of having and knowing love. Peace for me is an entity. A person, so to speak.

Knowing that everything will work out for the good, knowing that I am loved and accepted. Knowing the One who loves me unconditionally, is knowing Peace. Perfect love drives out all fear. I know, I don’t have to be afraid. I know, the One who sacrificed His life for me (and this weekend is a beautiful reminder of that), is with me. I do not fear, because I know Peace, I have peace.

My hope is that you too will experience unconditional and sacrificial love. May you know that you are cared for, loved dearly and may the knowledge of that, provide you with peace. In whichever form it may come.

May peace guard your hearts and minds during this chaotic and trying time.

[elrine]

How to combat “motivational pressure” in the lockdown

We have made it two weeks into our three-week lockdown, just to find out we have another three weeks left. 

On that note, I do just want to say how thankful for and humbled I am by our President. He is not just taking decisive action, listening to the experts and putting things in place to support South Africa, and Africa through this time, he is also leading by example and making the sacrifices needed.

Time, at this point, is becoming irrelevant. We do not have more or less of it. We have the same, what we do have is more on our minds. Many of us are worried and anxious. More than just being restricted in our movement, there is the financial impact and all the stresses and concerns that come with it, there is the safety impact, the health impact. Our sense of normal has been turned upside down.  As a nation, we are experiencing trauma. And trauma, we carry in our bodies, and it can consume our minds and affect our mental health.

There is so much going through our minds, without the added pressure of having to stay “motivated” or having to use this time “productively”. How are we going to cope with kids at home all this time? How are we going to feed so many mouths? Where will the next meal come from? How can we rebuild our business? How will we rebuild the economy? How will we survive this?

I think it is vital that we acknowledge firstly what we are feeling; what the state of our mental health is. Amidst this chaos, we need to be gentle with ourselves. We need to be kind; we need to be real. We do not need extra pressure.

If being super productive is a good coping mechanism for you and helps you – then be super productive. But do not feel guilty for not being productive and do not judge those who are not. Instead, where we can, let us support and help each other and demonstrate a little understanding, patience and kindness towards each other. Let us not contribute to the adding of extra pressure to try and be all “motivational”. We do not have to be excited about the extra time, we do not have to act all happy and okay if we are not. We do not have to change the world all at once.

If it is within your power to help and support, do so, but in a manner where you show a little understanding towards your own mental health as well.  

So, help others if you can, and be motivated and share with others if you can, but just be aware that somebody else might be you. Don’t feel bad about spending time on yourself. Allow yourself that space and kindness.

Source of information: www.upworthy.com/coronavirus-productivity-motivation-myths-dangers

[elrine]

If humans take “cat naps” do cats take “human naps”?

First of all, let me start by saying that I am an expert in napping. Especially these last few months.

Napping is something I’ve always loved but didn’t always have time for. With the current circumstances and my current state of being, I adore my naps.

In prepping for this post, a did a little research (okay fine, I just googled and took the first definition I saw, but it counts as research) and I learnt that cats can doze off for anything from 5- 30 minutes. During this time, they remain on high alert, but it helps them to conserve energy.

Weird, our naps should be about 20-40 minutes a day to prevent that “just been hit by a bus feeling” when you wake up, and if you manage to wake up within the time frame, they can be restorative.

So, our human naps are actually quite similar to cat naps. We both conserve energy. Technically we both only sleep for a short burst and kind off remain on alert during this time. That is if you are one of those humans who can nap for only 20-40 mins.

I think the difference comes in, in that humans also have the ability to turn a nap into a full-blown sleep, waking up 3 hours later and having no idea where you are or which year it is.

Imagine a cat waking up like that…. now those are cat video’s I would like to see.

If I’m being serious, cats probably shouldn’t have human naps, there is no evolutionary benefit for them and they most definitely won’t survive in the wild, if they ever wanted to return to the wild.

Humans, however, can have human naps and cat naps, interchangeable.

I suppose it is not fair that it doesn’t go both ways, but hey, survival of the fittest.

[elrine]

What I feel my husband does all day

My husband is a Scrum Master, and for those of you who are not familiar with the term, no he does not teach rugby players how to scrum.

He is in IT. Which means, he teaches other people, how to work together, to optimise and work efficiently and effectively. How to rely on each other and to deliver maximum value. So yes, he teaches developers how to scrum. (disclaimer: this is my understanding of what he does)

His job requires a lot of human interaction, a lot of counselling, facilitating and for him to demonstrate the agile principals by example. If you know my husband, he wouldn’t easily describe himself as a people person. In fact, he often prefers computers over people. That said, from what I could gather at some of his work events, he seems to be this incredibly social leader. He is confident, talks to people, even small talk. He is respected and his teams work amazingly well.

Considering they’re in IT, lockdown doesn’t really affect their company that much, but it has dramatically changed the primary function of his role. Social interaction.

He enters, his office in the morning for a meeting and leaves it in the afternoons if I’m lucky at 18.00. With like nonstop meetings in between. The whole day, I just hear him talk. I sometimes take him coffee and snacks during the meetings, just because he doesn’t seem to have time to make coffee himself anymore (which he did have time for at work…. suspicious I think).

Having to be social and interacting over the internet requires a lot of effort and meetings and planning, so I get it.

I have a theory though; my husband loves watching boat videos on YouTube and he loves playing games (currently he is into Bannerlord).

I think his first and last meetings of the day are real, and I suspect maybe one or two in between. I think the rest of the time, however, he just talks to the walls and says random IT and software stuff, to make it sound like he is in meetings. He always has his headphones on. I suspect he is watching videos and playing games in the background. He gets to work and have fun and get served with tee and coffee and snacks…. Well played husband, well played 😊

 *He is actually working relentlessly hard to try and keep his teams motivated and stay in contact with people. He really is in meetings. If I was him, I might have taken some liberties, if tea and coffee and snacks were brought to me the whole time, but that’s just me.  

[elrine]

I finally caught up with my laundry!

So, I need to give credit to my husband here. He normally does our laundry and washes bundles and bundles on weekends. I do the folding and packing away and stuff. Since we have both basically been living in one set of clothes each, our washing reduced significantly. It’s amazing. So, I made him wash all the bedding, all the blankets, all the towels and everything else that can be washed last weekend. We currently only have a tiny ball of washing collected so far. And it feels amazing. I promise I won’t find anything else to wash (for this week at least). I am sure my husband might be more ecstatic about the little heap which will probably just roll over to next week and be a little bit bigger. A weekend without washing. Wow. Definitely I plus coming from this time. The ultimate sense of accomplishment, being completely caught up with laundry. The best of all is that will little to no laundry, comes little to no folding! Whoop 😊 We should celebrate the small victories as well. I think this calls for some chocolate 😊 It would have been wine if I was allowed. But if you have mastered your laundry or ironing, you too should celebrate that sense of accomplishment. Party time!

[elrine]

Wisdom to survive the second half.

We made it through 11 days of isolation. Firstly, let’s acknowledge that and let’s celebrate that. Well done! The first part of change is always the hardest. But we made it, we can now start to adapt and breath a tiny sigh of relief.

With that said, I am slightly apprehensive is saying we are halfway there now. I am not convinced that this lockdown will indeed be lifted by day 21. I really hope so and therefore for the sake of this blog, I am going to act like it will 😊

I would like to share 10 things I have learnt that will hopefully make the next 10 days a lot easier.

Breath and take it one day at a time.

Make peace with the fact that you are at home and you are safe, every day.

Be thankful. Thankful for food that day, for shelter, for protection.

Don’t stare at the birds – they will stare back and taunt you.

As difficult as it is, don’t eat all the time… alternate with glasses of water and other things to drink (this one is currently quite difficult for me) or distract yourself with games like solitaire or sudoku or something.

Do not eat all the chocolate and sweeties at once.

Be okay to feel your emotions, just don’t wallow in them too long. Give yourself 20mins and then distract yourself and move on. You only need 20 minutes, thereafter, you can take control again.

Reach out to others. In knowing you are not alone and focussing on someone else, being honest and sincere, we share our burdens at half the weight 😊

Do what you can to keep your body moving and active…an increased heart rate is not just good for your health, but also your mood and mind, and it is something to do 😉

Know that this too will pass and that the end is in sight.

[elrine]

Will communication change after the lockdown?

This is quite an interesting thought. We not only communicate verbally but also non-verbally when we can see each other. I’ve noticed this last week, how the technology to manage face-to-face video calls and meetings had to rapidly increase and adjust. We now not only call for working purposes but also everything else too. I suspect that the people who were very social before the lockdown, might now be just as social- just on the internet and those who were not that social, might still not be that social. In the words of my one sister “Lockdown will amplify people’s communication tendencies.” Lunette Opperman However, my theory is that people are checking in more on each other and that video calling will become a normal everyday life concept (if it was not before). Our communication will be more “care focussed”. Those questions “how are you?” “How are you feeling” are more genuine now. So even if we are not communication more, we might be communicating more honestly, more deeply, more sincerely. I do wonder though, how will our non-verbal ques be picked up through the internet? How does it translate through only seeing somebody’s face? Is that sufficient? Will we learn to adjust our communication styles to accommodate the internet's restrictions? Will our words start to become more effective and truthful? Will body language become less important? Will technology adjust to accommodate both verbal and non-verbal? Do we communicate more with people far away? Or our friends “close by”?

I would love to see the studies and statistics on our communication during the lockdown and the effects of it after. I would love to hear your opinion on this one. Do you think communication will change after the lockdown?

[elrine]

The importance of care.

Change, especially sudden change, is always a little hard and we need some time to adjust. In those moments of transition, we get a little uncomfortable. We feel out of our comfort zones and we feel a little stretched. But then we adjust, and we adapt. I’ve decided to take one day a week and do a little pampering. Put a face mask on, file my nails, light some candles and take a nice (not too much water) bath. Some self -care time. Also, I am very aware, that this all will change soon and time for myself might become a thing of the past. It has, however, made me think about and realise the importance of a little care. Care for ourselves and for others. We have made it past the first week of lockdown.  I suspect it might have been a time of adjustment for most. In order to ensure that we can make the mental, emotional, and physical changes needed to ready ourselves for the next two weeks (for now), we need to take some time to care. For ourselves: We need to be gracious with ourselves. Allow us the time to feel uncomfortable, allow ourselves the space and time to adjust, to repair, to recover, to settle into the new status quo. That self-care will look different for each of us. It might just be some patience with yourself. It might be some pampering it might be time. But we need to look after ourselves. We need to stay healthy, both mentally and physically. For others: In knowing what change feels like for us, we can imagine what others might go through and a little care, displayed towards someone else will go a long way. We are not in this alone. Showing care in isolation might require a little more creativity, but even if it is just a phone call or a “care package” delivered to someone in need. Showing we care, is how we show our humanity. How we unite and how we overcome.

[elrine]

Explaining the world to the life inside me.

Today we left the house for the first time since lockdown. To say I was a little excited might be an understatement. I got all nervous and jittery. It took me a while to decide what to wear and even putting on makeup was fun. Disclaimer, the nervousness and excited ness, was not only because we got to leave the house, but also because we got to see our little developing baby again for a few minutes. Those momentary windows into a world inside me just blow my mind. Arriving at the hospital, we heard there were a lot of precautionary measures put in place and some of them even in place till the end of the year. I realised that the world outside now might be very different by the time baby arrives. The world to be experienced then might be a new world for all of us. So, I thought I would actually like to use this title and blog to explain to our little one what I hope the world will be like when baby enters the outside. So here goes… “Hey, my bundle of hope, The world outside is a scary place right now, it is broken, it is hurting, and it is most definitely full of suffering. Humanity now, however, has time. Time to reflect and time to heal. While we as a human race are trying to fight an invisible enemy, our world can heal. The air can become clean again, oceans breath again, forests time to grow again and animals roam free again. While we as humans are confined to our homes, we too can heal. We too can come to terms with our humanity. How we treated the earth, how we treated each other. We have time to find forgiveness, time to heal, time to fix broken relationships and prioritise the important things in life. We have time to look at our weaknesses and insecurities in the eye and decide to be better, to do better. We have time to come up with plans and solutions, time to rethink how we do business, how we do relationship building. We have time for each other. We have time to talk and value communication again. My hope is that when you open your eyes for the first time, you will see kindness and respect. You will see the value of a life not defined by want or need or material things, but by the fact alone that life is life and therefore valuable. You will see people caring for the weak and vulnerable, not because they have to or because of an imminent threat, but because they value the wisdom and love and insight relationships hold. You will see people looking after the environment, making responsible decisions and being good stewards of the resource that has been entrusted to us, to the place we get to call home. You will see families prioritising time together over work and meetings and to-do lists. You will see people secure and at peace with who they are, and not act out of jealously or insecurity. You will see people building each other up, instead of breaking each other down. You will see kindness; you will see hope. May the world you enter into, be a little better than the one we are in now. May the people in this world now, make the most of the time given to them to bring that change.”

[elrine]

I think the pigeon outside is mocking me.

We have this tiny indentation in the grass, right in the middle-ish of the garden. It looks like someone attempted to dig a hole and gave up after two scoops with their hands. For some reason, this tiny space has become a bird watering hole (without the water). There is this one bird, let’s say a pigeon because I’m not great at identifying bird species, who loves chilling there every time I look out the window. We have these staring competitions. I normally win. Lately, it’s been looking at me funny. Probably the last few days. I suspect this pigeon has started to realise that I am now always at home, and therefore caged in. Cleaver bird I think. I can see in its tiny creepy little eye’s that it finds some sort of delight in knowing that it can go wherever it wants to and fly free and that I can’t. Those who know me know that birds don’t like me. They always try to attack me with their beaks and wings and freak me out as much as they can. This one, however, is attacking me with its mind. It’s mocking me. I am the one in a cage now, Mr Birdy is free and most of all carefree, now that humans are not in the way. What Mr Birdy doesn’t know though, it that I am great at blocking mind games, and that for once in my life, this bird, can not threaten or mock me like the others. My body might be caged in, but my mind is free. Yes, Mr Birdy, my mind is still free!

[elrine]

Should coffee be a controlled substance?

There is a lot of science and studies out there that has documented the negative effects of caffeine. We all know that you can get a little addicted to caffeine and that going without the “normal amount” of coffee you are used to, can cause withdrawal headaches. Also moodiness, also tiredness. Some of us rely quite heavily on coffee to wake us up and even sustain our energy levels through the day. Is this healthy? Probably not. Can coffee be considered a crutch? Probably yes. Having said that, Coffee has never caused you to hurt anybody, the absence of it might have though. Being on lockdown and “having a little more time” might also cause you to visit the kitchen more often. This might result in our coffee intake increasing. Consequently, this means, we become less tired, the boredom gets filled with coffee and we remain friendly. Unless you suffer from anxiety, then you should avoid coffee. So, should coffee be a controlled substance? In my opinion, NO. (But I might be biased – my blood might be closer to a dark brown than red) However, I would like to hear your opinion…. 😊

[elrine]

Unlearning the culture of doing.

I often find myself thinking of and using Alvin Toffer’s quote on the illiterate of the 21st Century: “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn”. I’ve even written a blog about it a long long time ago.

I think it is so important in the world that we currently live in, that we learn how to unlearn. Information is constantly changing. Jobs, processes, technology even people. We can not hold on to the way “we’ve always done it”. We can not rely on old knowledge. We need to be agile, adjustable, teachable. We need to recognise old ways and unlearn them.

I consider myself one of those people who make time to re-evaluate and see which aspects I need to unlearn and relearn. I work very hard on being teachable (something that does not come naturally to me at all).  Sometimes I am. 😊

The problem I find myself in currently, and one of my biggest frustration with this lock down, is that I can’t do anything, and that goes against my nature. I very much believe actions speak louder than words and where it is in our power to do something we should. I love doing!

So, when it comes to not being able to do something, I find it...restrictive. I feel trapped. Being, as oppose to doing for some reason, is a lot harder for me.

My two worlds collide. I need to unlearn doing. That sentence provides two massive clashes for me. I pride myself in being able to do both. Unlearning AND doing. Unlearning doing, is a lot more challenging.

I do understand the importance of being. I believe it is vital and this time is perfect for doing so. 😉

If, like me, the idea of not doing makes you a little restless, then these next few weeks are perfect to evaluate why “doing” is so defining for us. What self-righteous parts of it can we let go of and just drift into being. We can figure out who we are, why we are here, and how we can Be. Be emerged in peace, In hope, in love. Being just you- without pretence. Getting to know yourself might make knowing other people for who they are easier.

May this time of being be more defining and more valuable not only for us, but for the good of the world when we emerge, full of peace.