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i wish this site wasn't so jam-packed with buttons to save me the embarrassment of accidentally unfollowing people and then having to awkwardly follow again and it showing up in their notifications. please,, at least an 'are you sure you want to unfollow?' checkbox for us clumsy fools PLEASE

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coming out of hiding to show you m,y hank and cornor rocks :^)

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i, personally, love to straddle that fine line between “fandom blog” and “record of complete psychological breakdown”

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i'm really sorry that once again i'm making a personal post, i keep doing that lately but then i shoot myself in my stupid foot because i play it down and say i'm getting better and that i'll be back to normal and then i don't go back to normal and feel ashamed about it and idk why i do that

i never want to talk about personal issues and usually the thought of putting it on my blog would make me want to shrivel up into a raisin. i'll keep it short and sweet like the raisin i'll become once i hit post. i think i'm having or about to have a nervous breakdown. i've somehow now lost the capacity to cope with a stressful situation that I was previously handling, and because of that, just lately i can't trust myself to do anything without spectacularly messing up including my job which is scary. i'm losing weight rapidly which i imagine is making it worse and i can't stop shaking in an on-and-off rhythm like a phone on silent lmao so i've been advised to make a GP appointment tomorrow which i will listen to this time and will hopefully get the ball rolling on finding some help to function around it again *spongebob bwomp sound effect*.

that's not to say you'll be rid of me that easily. maybe i should stay off social media but my mood shifts to where i get a lot of comfort from looking at art and writing and keeping up with you guys and if i dont get my dose of wretched robot video game characters i'll perish (it isn't lost on me how lucky i am to still have these comforts and that i get to interact with and collaborate with such wonderful people who keep me inspired). and when i started writing this post i wasn't at all in the mood to joke around, i was really sad and now i want to be light-hearted.

but i just wanted to warn that i'd like to keep being social but i might be worse at it, and i might be extra boring. i disappear because things happen, but i also struggle to come back from those times because i worry about coming across as unenthused or behaving differently. but if i've expressed where i'm at, even if no one reads this, i might subconsciously worry less about that. i have no idea when i'll be back to normal, and i don't want to be gone until then.

this is not a plea to be gentle with me. god no. i like the opposite (disclaimer: i mean that in an appropriate way). it's also not a plea for your attention or time either, like if i comment on something of yours please don't feel like you have to interact with me just because im going through it rn. everyone is dealing with something and just because i have my bullshit i haven't forgotten that nor have my feelings changed about interacting with this community (also if you struggle with replying i am forever holding your hand and telling you its fine and that i love you). i just want to be As Usual, that's what this is all about. i want to go about as normal but obviously i won't be completely normal atm so would like to just get that out there so at least i've explained why

ok here are my guts spilled all over the floor thanks for reading i'm gonna go make a cup of tea but accidentally smash the handle off the mug on the cooker grate or pour the whole drink into the bin in the process and hope my rattling eyeballs don't explode because i'd like to read fanfiction tonight

so much for keeping it short and sweet *turns into a raisin*

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THANKS! not what i thought but still very fun!

@tmgt he does say bucket of bolts!

i was messing around with the freecam and accidentally caught some cut Hank dialogue?????????????????????????!!!???!! (this could be common knowledge and im just years late to it lol)

it sounds like "almost believed that fuckin bullshit.......*big sigh*"

it's cracking me up because we know Hank can't help but humanise Connor and is even reluctantly charmed by his awkward or obvious ingratiating behaviour in this scene, but it's really funny to hear him grumpily mumbling about it. if thats what that is

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"almost believed that fuckin bullshit" has got me thinking about how initially creepy Connor must have been for Hank to work with. Because Connor is so alive-seeming, and Hank obviously can't help but see him as alive and, albeit starting out quite hostile, still mostly treated him like he was just some asshole guy

All while knowing in the back of his mind that Connor is supposedly just a machine who does not feel and doesn't truly think. Something that is indistinguishable from a human but not really there. Hank is by definition; alone, with a piece of equipment. But it doesn't feel like he's alone. and it turns out he isn't but that's still creepy and cool as hell!

and then on top of that he can witness him die over and over. an extremely convincing mockery of life and death. it's all so messed up,, but so inch resting

edit: he doesn't say the line that prompted this ramble lol but my thoughts about this still remain

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i was messing around with the freecam and accidentally caught some cut Hank dialogue?????????????????????????!!!???!! (this could be common knowledge and im just years late to it lol)

it sounds like "almost believed that fuckin bullshit.......*big sigh*"

it's cracking me up because we know Hank can't help but humanise Connor and is even reluctantly charmed by his awkward or obvious ingratiating behaviour in this scene, but it's really funny to hear him grumpily mumbling about it. if thats what that is

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same image

me:

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me:

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sorry i've been away i've been having personal issues and no bastard robot to yell in my ear about it which wouldn't solve anything but would be charming nonetheless. but my emotions are slowly coming back online and i'll be back to shamefully catch up on things.

(my last two brain cells pedal-powering my brain generator):

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youre a machine, connor…. just a machine

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"You could've shot those two girls, but you didn't. Why didn't you shoot, Connor?

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My live reaction to seeing your art:

WHHHHat strangely familiar but alternate & possibly forbidden dimension did this image come from and who applied his delightfully clumpy mascara <3

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I would just like you to know that you have drawing Connor down to the TEE (I think that’s the expression. I don’t know.) like you do it so perfectly it kinda takes me aback. How do u do that.

w? you're making me cry (good cry). i feel like even after 5 years (good grief) i'm still wrestling with the process of drawing him and find i often have to settle with the result rather than being completely happy with it! do you know how happy you've made me feel? the sense of accomplishment you've given me? maybe you do <3 Thank you.

he's bloody hard work imo! but there are just parts of him i really want to replicate/exaggerate, more so than i have wanted to with any other character. Even down to the way he carries (or throws) himself,, he just scratches at my artist brain. I feel like it's ballsy of me to offer tips on drawing him :''D, but if you're ever interested i can go into detail about the things i sorta,, latch onto when drawing him? just lmk!

Thank you, this was such a confidence boost!

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🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍🩷🤍

oh thank you ;_; at first i couldn't see the lil pink and white hearts because my browser is probably outdated so it was such a nice lil surprise when i went to look at this on my phone! thank you <3 i'm putting them all in my mouth at once like mini marshmallows

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i dont wanna work or have life problems i just want to play the video game and draw the video game and read stories about the video game