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Yay
My appt when so well today. They said everything is looking great, and that in 2 weeks I should be pretty much 100% again!
They also said that I can start going braless at night! which I was so happy to hear! hopefully I will be able to get some better sleep!
I didn't do much other than that today except play some fortnite and take a 6 hour nap lmao. I will probably watch some tiktok and go back to bed here shortly. just a small entry today
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what a day
today was my first day back at work since surgery. I worked from 7:15-4pm. It went by sooo slowly. just such a long day. Honestly I loved going back but my body still isn't done recovering yet. It is so sore after today. but tomorrow I have an appointment at 11am to make sure the stitches are working and healing well. im hoping to get my stieri strips off as well. that way ill finally be bandage free, but if the small hole isn't healed yet, I will still have to wear them, or I might possibly need more stitches. which I do not want to go through, at all... because it will be the first time in my life ill be awake while getting stitches which is horrifying to think about.
but I guess we will see by tomorrow!
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School
I think I want to reenroll in school. I would love to one day eventually have my RN and BSN. But I am not the kind of person who would be able to just enroll in full-time classes. I would need to take one or two classes at a time. And im considering enrolling in the EMT program, just to dip my toes back into the world of school. granted they can accommodate my work schedules. it would have to be night school, and im not sure it works like that. So im just thinking about it. but it would be cool to get my EMT, also take my CNA test.. (I did the school, just never took the test) but also then after those enroll in classes to work for my RN then shortly after go for the BSN. but that can accumulate up to.. well idk the exact cost. but I know that its about 2 grand for EMT then 16 Grand for RN I can't even imagine what BSN will cost. bu that's so far down the line.
oh well, we will see I guess
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Good Morning(:
It is 7:30am and I'm wide awake again even after try to stay asleep. I really tried. but its whatever. My grandparents on my dads side are coming over to my place today to take me grocery shopping because I still can't drive, and they have been begging to help me with whatever I need. I love them so so much. They are the absolute best in the world. So im happy that I was able to find something they can help with, that isn't too crazy to ask for help with.
They are getting up there in age, and they have both been through countless surgeries themselves. So it feels wrong to ask them for help when I know they need help just as much as I do. but this is something simple and I know they are going to feel so happy to help.
Im currently jamming to a Rihanna Playlist right now, and might I add, it is GIVING the vibes I wanted it to give hehe.
I just want to have a good day today. So badly, I also fell back into biker boy tiktok this morning. I scrolled for hours and I am so not mad about it. I am however upset with myself that I haven't been reading book 4 from my series, I know I said I was going too, but I got distracted (My ADHD yesterday was crazy lol) and I just never picked up the book. But hopefully today I will.
Maybe today I can also make myself a decent lunch instead of eating a frozen pizza or ramen noodles lmao. I am so sick of eating shitty foods. I want fresh fruits, and homemade pastas, meals. Just better fresh foods and not frozen cheap cop out meals.
I wish I had a toaster ughhh a peanut butter toast and a banana sounds like a fire ass breakfast right now, with some like, iced coffee or fresh made juice?? Are you kidding?? Sign me the fuck up for that asap. I do need to make a new batch of juice soon, that is another hobby I picked up, however, it's an expensive one. which sucks because juicing is so fun and its such a good way to get all your fruits and veggies for the day in your diet!
What should I make for dinner tonight? Maybe some chicken Alfredo? with some spicy garlic roasted broccoli? that sounds fucking gasss. Maybe ill see if my roomies would eat that, because I would so be down for that hehe.
OMG I cannot forget cat food for my kitty!! She ran out of the stuff she likes the other day and all I have left Is either wet food, or this one brand she is apparently too good for because she won't touch it. she would rather go hungry lmao. and I cannot keep giving her wet food because she just shits everywhere and it fucking smells so terrible. and im just not dealing with that again. so I cannot forget cat food.
okay I've gone back to rambling so, ill be done for now but you know damn well ill be back to ramble some more later(:
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dreams
okay don't get me wrong, like I said previously I love my jobs. im very happy where im at with life when it comes to that.
but damn do I wish I could just be a girl boss. I want my own office and my own cute little setup and I wanna just life the girl boss life style so bad!
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crack head energy
I just got this random burst of energy. its past 1 am and I am ready to fucking go. like I wanna play music on full volume and just dance around and bake cookies and vibe out. but sadly my roommates wouldn't be too happy with me if I did that this late. not that either of them work early. but I don't wanna make them cranky lol
but tell me dancing around the itching baking cookies doesn't sound like a fucking good time right now??? you're absolutely crazy if you don't think that sounds like a core memory waiting to be made!
like jamming to 2000s R&B.... LIKE COME ONNNNNNN
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Dating apps
I want a man ughhhh. im 22, single and sad!!! ahahahahah god I can't help but laugh at myself.
I signed up for a few different dating apps and im hoping they work out, but also I just want to meet someone in a genuine setting. Im stuck because I have no idea how to meet new men who aren't childish just looking for hookups. like where the duck does someone meet a good man? I high key wanna just sit inside of a barns and noble and wait for a tall tatted man with a sexy blacked out motorcycle helmet to approach me. But that seems like its not gonna be easy.
I need to work on my glow up, I gotta get my hair done again, lashes maybe... start tanning again. and def get back in the gym asap. I would go to the gym right now if I could, but I can't because of recovery. which sucks because I feel like a lazy bum just sitting on my ass for all this time.
I want to get outside and just live! I wanna live my life but I feel very stuck in autopilot? I don't know how to get out of this rut. don't get me wrong. im not unhappy, I am very content with work and my friends, but I want to live my wild life, make crazy impulsive decisions. and I would love to be able to do that with a life partner. im sick and tired of hookups and sleepy guys who want to mooch off of me for my apartment, or body, or car, or money. like come on...
How do some people do it? seriously, I need to know how to get a man. and live this life that I want so badly!
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oh my...
School just ended. it was just this small weekend course but that was so much information and it went so fast paced, I feel like I didn't retain all the information. But it also felt super good to get all that information.
It was from 8am-4pm yesterday and today. One good thing is I got paid for it, so that's nice. just clocked 16 hours on my weekend and it wasn't even hard.
however this morning being that I woke up at 1;30 im so tricking tired right now. but my parents are coming over shortly to bring me some soup and my dad is gonna take some measurements of our stove and sink. he is going to build us this wooden platform that we can place over both of those to create more counter space- we have barely any in our kitchen... its so TINY. but Im so grateful to have the family that I have.
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Good Morning!
Well good morning! its currently 7;43am and I've been up since 1;30 hahaha. Kinda sucks. but that's my current sleep schedule. trash. I know. but I finished my book, scrolled on tiktok, brushed my teeth, made a coffee and got set up for school with plenty of time to spare. I fell in love with biketok, which is a side of tiktok that has all these hot mysterious biker boys on it wearing those sexy blacked out helmets with the tattoos and sick ass bikes haha. Once I finish this book series im reading im definitely switching to dark romance because I need some of these biker boys in my life.
I am in actually such a great mood this morning. im in kinda a lot of pain from surgery still but im not going to let that kill my day today. im determined to have a good day with school, and then start book 4 in my series. there is 5 in it total then im thinking about switching to haunting Adeline. that's a dark romance that has crazy good reviews. I haven't read anything like it before though, so I hope I like it lol. I have high expectations.
I am currently in such a good spot in my life I feel like im ready for a boyfriend. I was kinda manic all last year, thinking I knew what I wanted... but since then I've really grown and learned so much about myself. I also am getting my dream body back, I can't wait to get back in the gym and keep grinding!
and im def ready to just find a good man and start to settle down. I want to start a family in the next few years so I want to meet someone I can really live life with for a little bit then start that perfect little family. I want a marriage like my parents. I was lucky enough to have such a great family growing up. my parents are the perfect couple and I just want that for my own.
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Life Update
Well its been awhile. I moved home from Yellowstone. I got my job back at the restaurant, and I got another job. I started working at the restaurant on weekends only and I got my other job for Monday-friday. So essentially im working 7 days a week.
I also actually moved out of my parents house and into my own apartment. I do have 2 roommates, who I love dearly.
when I moved home I did reconnect with Brandon, however that has ended. it ended in November. And I've been on my own since. I also finally got my breast reduction. thank god. however the recovery process has been such a pain in the ass.
I've been out of work for 3 weeks now coming up on 4 due to the recovery from my surgery.
but im so glad to have gotten this procedure out of the way now while im young and while its winter. so I have plenty of time to get through this recovery process.
im actually multitasking right now, I am writing this post while also listening to my online class. I do have to take this weekend class to get a better understanding of my Monday through Friday job. Soon ill be able to take my state boards test and get licensed. Id like to talk about what it is, but I think it might be a bit too revealing.
If you can't tell I haven't gotten any better at this whole blog journaling thing.. I am all over the place and I know it, but Ive been so scatter brained I can't help it.
I just find it freeing in a way to just type away on my computer and talk about my life. I don't like sharing everything with the people around me, it isn't always as easy.
so I think this is a perfect outlet for me.
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Idaho
Well today was a pretty good day, my sister and I went to Idaho and went to the dollar store, and Walmart. Then we stopped at The Bison bar in West Yellowstone on or way back home.
We got some groceries and some hair stuff. A few shower items too. I also bought a new fan. Which I am very excited about because I can put it in my bedroom window at night to cool down. I get so hot at night, but unfortunately my current roommate stays freezing. she barely lets me keep the window open. So I can't put the fan in here until my sister moves in.
Today is Sunday and my sister moves in on Thursday. My roommate moves out on Wednesday. I can't wait, Im so excited. I am going to get so much more sleep and the room is going to just have a better vibe. I don't think I mentioned before, but my roommate uses Onions?? I don't know what for, but our room ALWAYS stinks so bad, and there is constantly onion “skin” on the floor. Its very annoying. and the smell gives me headaches.
But in 3 days that will be over! My sister and I also bought a nice wood wick candle to light in the room to help get rid of the smell as quickly as possible. It is horrible.
Earlier today we also stopped for lunch at this super cute diner in Idaho. The food was delicious, and I also had a rooter float! soooo yummy.
Tomorrow is going to be a chill day. we’re going to do laundry, and were going to probably watch movies and have some popcorn.
Last night I started watching That 90s Show, which is a spin off of That 70s Show. Such a great show, and honestly the new one isn't too bad. Its a little cheesy but still good. A lot of the main characters from the original made appearances in the new one which is cool. I wish I could still watch the original one, but they took it off of Netflix, which is so sad. Netflix has gotten rid of so many of their good shows. I don’t even know what to watch on it anymore.
Wow I really am just rambling. I just really enjoy typing. And I hope to one day in the future come back and read these to remember this time in my life.
I am probably going to go finish season one of this show. then shower and head to bed. Goodnight!(:
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Good Morning
UGH! Finally my day off, it’s 7:30am. I unfortunately woke up to my roommates alarm at 6am. She wasn't even in here to shut it off. She woke up earlier and left her phone in the closet so I had to get up, find her phone, and shut it off myself.
But I am trying to have a great day. I am hoping my sister will want to do this with me. (We both have the day off) I want to do to Rexburg Idaho, Its a small city about 2 hours away, but I think it would be fun to visit another state. We've now been to Montana, and Wyoming. So it would be cool to cross another off of the list. I would also really like to visit Colorado at some point while we’re living here.
I am still waiting for my sister to wake up. I really hope its soon, because I want to get a start on the day! While were in Rexburg I would like visit Walmart and get a few new things for work and my dorm room. I also think we will probably stop at a restaurant for some lunch at some point.
I think I need to go breakfast here shortly. Im very hungry, so I think I am going to go get some bacon! I will check back in later(:
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Howdy!
Today was still frustrating at work, however I am home now and I am in a pretty decent mood. I don't feel angry like I have been after work previously.
I showered when I got home from work before I even sat down so I really think that helped me. I just feel better right now. I am currently listening to some music while im typing so its a distracting but its also a key part in my decent mood.
I felt like I really wanted to blog about today and my thoughts, but honestly I don't really feel like it anymore. So this will be a short entry today.
Im gonna head to bed here shortly! goodnight(:
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Lets Try This Again
Well its 11:01 and I have to be at work in 29 minutes.
I am praying to god that my boss Nate is in today, I really love working with him on the clock instead of my other boss. I have no clue how to spell her name. Nor do I care to learn, considering she doesn't give a fuck about mine.
If she is there today I am going to make it a point to speak with her about how she treated me yesterday, especially The Who;e grabbing me by the wrist thing.
But wise from that, today is a new day, and I will be looking forward to clocking another 8 hours on that Paycheck! Woohoo!
On a total side note, I still really miss Brandon, and I still haven't heard from him.. I really wish I could see into his mind and know how he really feels about me. I can't wait until I can see him again, I really hope that we can become something more. But some part of me thinks that, that's just not going to happen:/
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Not loving my job
Well my job here at Yellowstone is giving me mixed emotions. One minute I love what I’m doing and the next I wanna punch my higher up in the mouth and walk out. I love the prep work and seeing/ meeting everyone who comes in and out of Yellowstone, but I can’t stand the disrespect from my boss that I have been getting.
I should say, I have many bosses, and most of them are great.
The boss I met and worked with today really pissed me off however. She refused to call me by name even after she read my name tag multiple times, and I even told her what it was.
She disrespectfully grabbed ahold of my wrist and tugged me to a different part of the kitchen to imply I needed to be standing somewhere else, instead of just simply asking or telling me to move.
So just overwhelming and a little frustrating. However it’s still pretty early in the season, so I am going to need to figure out how to fix this issue before it gets worse.
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Fuck Today
Today was my first day at work. And holy shit was it boring. It was so slow and not my speed at all. Im way more used to a chaotic environment but this shit was too easy and too slow. Im not sure if this is the job for me. I want to switch to either serving, bartending, or gift shop employee.
Don’t get me wrong Ive always loved working in kitchens… Ive damn near done it my whole life. But I cannot continue to move this slow. It was torture. I was standing around twiddling my thumbs for half of the shift..
I guess I will give it more time, to really get a feel for it. But so far it’s not looking good.
I work again tomorrow, the same shift starting at 11:30am. I really hope that my shift tomorrow has me more occupied than I was today.
I am so tired after today though, I again had no sleep over night and then I was on my feet all day. When I got home from work today I took 20 mgs of melatonin in hopes it would knock me out. But here I am, still awake. Our wifi went out, so I can’t even watch my show. Im actually typing this in my notes app on my laptop, and I am going to copy and paste it to my blog once we get our wifi back.
A lot of things are feeling wrong today. And I really hope that once my sister moves into the dorm with me, things will get better. She won’t keep me up all night at least, my room will actually feel like my room, I can change in here without having to wait for the bathroom to be open, she won’t judge me for anything I do, and she will give me my personal space when I need it.
Thats what I really need. Is my personal space back, she can get on my nerves at times, but one thing is for sure, she can see when I’m over stimulated or overwhelmed or when my anxiety is getting bad and she always knows that I need my space, and she will give it to me. She won’t ask questions. Unless I make it clear that I am ready to talk.
She really is the best big sister ever. Even though sometimes I could punch her.
I also really just want a day off without rain, so I can go set up my hammock and read my book. I went and bought a new book to read specifically while I’m in my mock. And I just haven’t had a chance to do that yet.
Yesterday when we hiked to tower falls I was going to pitch my mock and read but like I mentioned in my entry yesterday, It started to rain as soon as we reached the bottom of the mountain. That was a bummer.
Boy oh boy I have been all over the place tonight with this entry. But I just can’t sleep so all I want to do is type.
Oh my fucking god. As I am typing literally my roommate just fucking farted and it stinks so bad. I want to die. Like actually fuck this. I just want my sister to move in already. But I still have to wait 9 more days. I really don’t know If I can last that long. Kill me now.
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Brandon update
Well things with Brandon were great when I left. but I texted him just to see how he was doing earlier this week and he hasn't responded. Which makes me so sad, but finally after 3 weeks of waiting he finally accepted my follow request on instagram, which was kind of annoying considering he found my page first and followed me, then made me wait 3 weeks before he accepted my request.
he is just such a cutie and I still wanna spend all of my time with him. but now im in Yellowstone until October 11th. Its currently June 11th. so 5 months to go as of today.
hopefully him and I can pick up where we left off when I come back home.
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