eternal-reverie - Tumblr blog

[eternal-reverie]

i don't think we talk enough about how childhood bullying really just. fucks up your ability to make friends long-term.

I'm not talking about self-image or even like attachment styles, although peer emotional abuse affects that too. I'm talking about how it legitimately stunts your understanding of how positive platonic relationships even work.

Like, a few years back (pre pandemic) a classmate point-blank told me, "hey, you're pretty cool, do you wanna come out for drinks and trivia with us Thursday night?" and my first internal reaction wasn't "oh cool, a friend!" or even "I'm not really interested" but: "where is the trap?" My kneejerk response to an earnest overture of friendship from this guy was trying to figure out how he was trying to back me into a corner, trick me into something, or make fun of me. We were in goddamm GRADUATE SCHOOL.

Of course I did end up going to drinks and it was a lovely time, but sometimes I think about the sheer number of potential friendships I've missed out on because I read their intentions as potentially hostile, *even when their intent is clearly not hostile*. Getting asked out for drinks is SUPER NORMAL. Being invited to parties is normal. Meeting for coffee is normal. in fact it's a primary way of forging adult friendships. But i am immediately wary of it, because the years in which I was developing most of my crucial social skills were spent dodging cruel pranks, getting invited to fake parties or uninvited from real ones, getting asked out "as a joke", being given compliments that were actually somehow insults, and so forth.

I don't have problems making friends-- I talk to people for a living, I am overall extremely charismatic and get invited out a lot, but I struggle to forge new connections because my trained response is to be immediately suspicious of people who appear friendly, welcoming and well-intentioned -- even fifteen years later. This is why I don't get the "you should have been bullied more" crowd. Like somehow bullying makes you more "normal". It definitely doesn't, even if "normal" was a real thing. I am definitely a more antisocial weirdo as a result of prolonged peer-to-peer emotional abuse than I would have been otherwise.

[eternal-reverie]

no cool caption i just really love my blorbo tbh

[eternal-reverie]

a very quick Naminé!

[eternal-reverie]

candy candy [1975-1979]

scans by Only Shojo

[eternal-reverie]

This scene has been stuck in my head lately. Darkness compares its ’infection’ of people’s hearts to a data transfer. However, this logic also applies to the reverse—that people can corrupt data with dark intentions. I wouldn’t say I have any fully fleshed out thoughts about this, but considering that the next title could potentially be themed around ‘machine learning’ (ML), I wonder if it will be thematically relevant. It’s certainly relevant to the real world. We see people use AI for malicious purposes (deepfakes and the like) and intentionally prod for negativity from the systems (as with the infamous ‘Tay’ or ‘Sydney’).

I think KH could draw more interesting parallels between the corruption of machine learning and hearts…

But even then:

[eternal-reverie]

happy earth day! some gouache paintings I made inspired by this beautiful, lovely & blooming world!

[eternal-reverie]

you ever just think about the heartless manufactory. peak environmental horror (dreamy sigh)

[eternal-reverie]

laufey: the goddess tour has commenced 🪄 ⭐️ ✨ thank you vancouver for the dreamiest first show. see you in seattle tonight!!

[eternal-reverie]

It's been a long time since I rendered anything in my usual style, so I decided to just have fun and go ham. And yay! I was finally able to draw Lauriam to my satisfaction!

[eternal-reverie]

Northen Lights -   Gottfrid Kallstenius , 1915.

Swedish,  1861-1943

Oil on canvas, 100 x 110 cm. 39.4 x 43.3 in.

[eternal-reverie]

elrena's #1 fan

[eternal-reverie]

something stupid that i'm only posting this because i like how i drew skuld

[eternal-reverie]

What's the trope name for when someone finds out they're the Chosen One(tm) and is like "No, thank you" and goes and does something else

[eternal-reverie]

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

[eternal-reverie]

Snow II   -   Kenneth Blom , 2009.

Norwegian, b.1967-

Oil on canvas, 140 x 160 cm.

[eternal-reverie]