eve-reviews

[eve-reviews]

ㅤ Once Upon a Time is a thirteen-year old’s fanfiction that was found by the creators of Lost and stolen for a show in hopes of making some money off the teen population. If the half-formed faux-edgy characters or bad acting doesn’t sell you on just how poorly this show was made, the terrible CGI definitely will. The first season revolves around a character named Emma Swan, aka The Savior, coming to the town of Storybrooke where her son tries to convince her that the town is actually full of fairytale characters that are under a memory erasing spell. The show has a way of making you forget that you’re watching a fairytale story until later you realize that “Oh! They just had Prince Charming cheat on his wife with Snow White. And then The Evil Queen framed Snow White for the murder of Prince Charming’s wife by hiding that wife’s heart in a box in the place Snow and Charming would always meet.”

ㅤ While the first season seems Wild, each subsequent season tries to outdo itself. The following seasons follow a clear formula constantly trying to convince you that it’s a good show. The creator’s favorite persuasion is to twist the usual fairytale stories and then play a dramatic stinger underneath it as if to convince the viewer to say, “oh shit!” Each time it makes this attempt, I am met with an intense feeling, but not the intended one. It’s a burst of laughter, a burn of secondhand embarrassment, and the impulse to share it with a friend so I don’t have to go through it alone (and may I say, I think my friends are starting to get sick of me).

            The show is held together by attempts to be a show that makes the viewer sit at the edge of the seat waiting to see what happens next. These attempts often involve corrupting or redeeming a “good” or “evil” character respectively. While the show constantly brings in numerous characters from Disney movies or any other existing story for that matter (such as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, or 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea), it seems to forget this sometimes, so we are left with characters who have been corrupted and redeemed 6 times alone (in Rumpelstiltskin’s case).

            Might I also add that the show often does a twist saying that two fairytale characters were actually the same one. If we take Rumpelstiltskin as an example again, he is at least three different characters off the top of my head. He also happens to be the Crocodile from Peter Pan and the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. This isn’t even counting the family tree. Please feel free to skip the rest of this paragraph while I sort that out. Rumpelstiltskin is the son of Peter Pan (who’s evil) and the Black Fairy (who’s the origin of all evil or something?). He has a grandson, Henry, who is also the grandson of Snow White and Prince Charming. Henry also happens to be the adopted son of Regina, aka The Evil Queen. Regina if the daughter of the Queen of hearts and the sister of the Wicked Witch of the West. She’s also Snow White’s step-mother. Regina also happens to be soulmates with Robin Hood, who’s previous wife was sentenced to death by Regina before the curse. And Robin also had a daughter with the Wicked Witch but he didn’t know it was her at the time because she was pretending to be his dead wife.

            I’m stopping myself there. If you read any of that, you now hopefully know how complicated the lore is and how near impossible it is to explain. You may have also gleaned how fucking stupid it is. That was all just a small section of the family tree. The actual lore of this show involves people who are definitively good or evil (but they can be redeemed) and authors who are all powerful gods who control Everything but are also just Some Guy. And of course, a being of pure light magic called The Savior (Emma Swan aka Snow White and Prince Charming’s child) and a being of pure dark magic called The Dark One (Rumplestiltskin). I forced myself through the show. High out of my mind if I had to. And I gotta say, folks.

            I kinda love this show.

            At some point it starts to get confusing what the creators were thinking while making this show. You drive yourself crazy trying to put yourself in their heads. Do they know how dogshit it is? Are they trying to convince me this dogshit is actually fucking ratatouille? Or do they know it’s bad?

            By the end of season 6, I started to get the feeling that the writers had finally decided to accept that no one in the universe would consider this a good show; however, the show must go on so they may as well have fun with it. They finally left behind the attempts and just leaned into how bizarre the lore they’re spun truly is. They timeskip and they say. “Hey. We know that we’ve gone too far. We know we crossed a line somewhere along the way. But buddy? We’re not turning around. We’re gonna find throw back some brewskis and have a little fun.” And they decide to say that, “Actually? All those characters you just saw? The seemingly infinite number of them? That’s just the start. They’re just one of an actually infinite number of that same character that exists in the multiverse. We’re gonna make a new main character and she’s gonna be Cinderella. Yes, I know we already introduced Cinderella in season one. But this is a different Cinderella. From a different thirteen tear old’s fanfiction. “

            And so it becomes a show that clearly knows it’s bad. And I sit there and realize I had fun. And I realize that I’m still having fun. And I realize that that was the point. I spent the whole show taking everything so seriously, and for that, I partially blame the show for taking itself seriously. But somewhere along the way, the show stopped. And I followed suit shortly after. And it was fun.

            I loved watching Once Upon a Time.

[eve-reviews]

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE (2022)

FAVORITE MOVIE TO EVER EXIST EVER

👁/10

But really though. Just watched it for the first time today. It’s so incredibly good. There’s no way to really talk about it unless I’m talking to someone else who has watched it. Although Patricia Taxxon put it really good in her video “Art, Furries, God.” The video somehow explains the movie really well but in a way that doesn’t spoil the experience of actually watching the movie.

Anyway, you should really watch the movie. xoxo

[eve-reviews]

hey The Wonder is a pretty good movie

[eve-reviews]

Adventure Time (S1-10)

WILL HAPPEN, HAPPENING, HAPPENED and, WILL HAPPEN, HAPPENING, HAPPENED and, WILL HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN, YOU AND I WILL ALWAYS BE BACK THEN!!!!!!!!!

10/10

I just finished the last episode and I ugly cried for like and hour straight. Honestly, before the last episode, this might’ve been like a 7/10 but that last episode. Man. That last fucking episode was so incredibly perfect.

So like. There’s definitely some distinct eras of adventure time. I wasn’t crazy about the early episodes. But then it got better and better as it went on. And also, I ranted about this on my main account already so I won’t get into this too much but, the fucking grown ass women being into this child??? And LSP actually fucking that child??? It was a huge bump in the road for me. I just had to try and pretend like none of that happened and then the show was good again. Actually, I’m mad about it again now lol. I’m taking off a point.

9/10

There, there’s our official rating. Now onto the hbo episodes.

[eve-reviews]

I’ve been reminded of the Milf and have decided to finally rewatch it. Updated review pending.

The Order (Seasons 1+2)

So I wanted to wait until I rewatched this before writing a review since it’s been a couple years since I watched it but. I can’t put myself through it again. So this might not be super accurate. But it’s as accurate as it’s gonna be so.

The Order is basically if some republican who identifies as a “sigma male” watched the magicians and thought “oh this sucks I’m gonna make a magic college show for people like me.” And then he did and it was somehow worse than you could imagine.

0/10

If you’re like me and you just think magic systems are neat and want to see as many as possible, sure watch it whatever. But it sucks and you should just watch The Magicians.

[eve-reviews]

The Sandman (2022)

Immediate hyperfixation. Incredibly good and very queer.

10/10

The art direction is beautiful. The characters are beautiful (although dream really is just like. a dude from the vampire diaries huh. like batman but a twink. anyway). Incredibly good and you should watch it. But pay attention to the little warnings before each episode. Seriously, it can get dark. And a little gory. But I think it’s still worth enduring to get to the fun stuff.

[eve-reviews]

The Order (Seasons 1+2)

So I wanted to wait until I rewatched this before writing a review since it’s been a couple years since I watched it but. I can’t put myself through it again. So this might not be super accurate. But it’s as accurate as it’s gonna be so.

The Order is basically if some republican who identifies as a “sigma male” watched the magicians and thought “oh this sucks I’m gonna make a magic college show for people like me.” And then he did and it was somehow worse than you could imagine.

0/10

If you’re like me and you just think magic systems are neat and want to see as many as possible, sure watch it whatever. But it sucks and you should just watch The Magicians.

[eve-reviews]

Pan (2015)

Very corny and incredibly white, but very pretty cgi.

3/10

[eve-reviews]

Sorry To Bother You (2018)

Incredibly fuckin good

10/10

I don’t want to spoil it. If you hate capitalism, watch this.

[eve-reviews]

House of Leaves

So this isn’t a normal review. I read this book back in 2020 and I want to try and read it again this summer. But it might be my favorite book. Like. I don’t think I really appreciated it the first time. I’ve never been a big reader. It’s honestly hard for me to read more than a few pages of anything at a time. And House of Leaves has to be one of the hardest books to read. But like, that’s intentional. It’s like the book itself doesn’t want to be read. Just like it didn’t want to be written. Just like the videos didn’t want to be watched. Just like the house didn’t want to be lived in. Hhhhh.

But I read it purely for the novelty of reading a 700 page book. Like. “If I can read this, I can read anything.” I didn’t read it because I wanted to read it. But now I really want to read it again. But school :/

Anyway if I can read it again, I’ll have a real review for it somewhere down the line.

[eve-reviews]

Red Riding Hood (2012)

Pretty people. Pretty setting. Very cheesy. Not to mention the ableism. A priest kills a boy for being disabled. Very unfun to watch.

1/10

[eve-reviews]

Parasite (2019)

good

10/10

[eve-reviews]

The Princess Bride (1987)

Now THAT was a homoerotic sword fight.

Iconic, but not gay enough.

8/10

[eve-reviews]

The Block Island Sound (2020)

Moral: all marine biologists are evil

5/10

[eve-reviews]

Spencer (2021)

It’s beautiful. The colors, the costumes, cinematography, the way they made it look like it was filmed in the 80s. And of course Kristen Stewart is stunning and I’m very gay.

However, story wise: eh. It feels like the monarchy had a lot to do with it. Like really trying to play up Diana being mentally unwell and downplaying the royal family’s abuse.

5/10

[eve-reviews]

Vertigo (1958)

Hey uh Hitchcock,

What the fuck?

[eve-reviews]

Another Life (kinda)

So this isn’t really a review of Another Life, but more an analysis of the character Zayn Petrossian. Also, mild spoilers for the show ahead.

So Zayn is (almost) really good nonbinary representation. Ze uses ze/hir pronouns, which I also use. Hir gender is just as accepted as everyone else’s. Ze doesn’t die. Ze’s human. Ze gets a really good romance arc. And just like you can have a male or female character without ever having their gender discussed, they never discuss Zayn’s gender either. Hir gender is never put into question.

But that’s sort of the problem. The show didn’t just not discuss hir gender, it felt like they went out of their way to ignore it. Like they didn’t want the audience to know ze was nonbinary. The only reason I know hir pronouns is because I looked them up. I only noticed one time in the whole series where someone used hir pronouns (which doesn’t mean they don’t use them more, I may have just not noticed). But even when someone used hir pronouns, they said “ze” once. Considering hir name starts with a Z, that could easily be written off as a nickname or something.

There’s also a moment at the end of the show where someone is about to refer to Zayn as either a husband, wife, or spouse, but they got cut off just before they could. It felt very deliberate. Not like they just didn’t want to assign a word to hir but like they didn’t want the audience to have any sign of gender variance (although I should give it to them that Zayn does look androgynous without having a Harry Styles moment. Ze’s actually dressed in everyday clothes).

The fact that I’ve been using the same pronouns as Zayn for about a year now and I’ve only just learned that “hir” is pronounced like “here” and not “her” is wild considering a main character of a show I watched used those pronouns. (That’s partially on me though because I never actually googled my pronouns) I mean, I have no doubt I’ve used hir pronouns way more in this one post than they did in the entire series of Another Life.

Representation is only good if you KNOW you’re being represented. You shouldn’t have to google it. It should be explicit it the media.

So if you want to see some almost perfect nonbinary representation, there you go. Go watch Another Life.