faecaptainofdreams

[faecaptainofdreams]

Fantastic 😂♥️

War of Wits: The Sale

Happy Birthday, Halo Wars 2 ❤️ Feb 21, 2017

[faecaptainofdreams]

VIRGO AND SCORPIO WHAT THE FUCK??!

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I never want to sneeze again. I want to jam a hot iron rod up my left nostril and cauterize the inside of that stupid little hairy bitch hole and never register tickles and allergens EVER AGAIN.

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The way my mom treats me and food and how judgmental she is about everything and everyone has caused me to have such a self-loathing view of myself, my weight and food as a whole. It's actually shocking to me that i don't have an ED. She enables bad habits and then punishes me for them. She judges other people for being fat but lies to my face that she is "okay" with how i look. I just wish i could get some space from her.

[faecaptainofdreams]

I WILL incite some love for 343 Guilty Spark goddammit 😩

[faecaptainofdreams]

A BUNCHA SPARK ARTS 🥳 the ones with his legs thrown around are demonstrating his very fatal kicks! Which... i did not capture the fatality well 😆 and ik the last one looks funny, but i kinda imagine him behaving like a horse or other hooved animal when he flips out on someone X3

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A scene from a game that reminds me to hold on, and encourages me to buckle in for rough waters.

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Most of my days anymore just suck. I get like one or two good days a week if that, and the rest are just a fever dream. Groundhog Day. Today i feel like i survived minute to minute and i can't wait for my brain to be ready to turn for the day so i can sleep. Temporary relief, but relief no less. Hopefully...

[faecaptainofdreams]

Depprrreeesssiiiooonnn

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Well idk anything about this but i enjoy the look of this fella and its bizarre and unexpected curse, i must have it 😂

Love this thing

The toomp

[faecaptainofdreams]

The fact that i will never get to truly live here is criminal 😩

[faecaptainofdreams]

I am an American. My country is fractured and struggling, my people battling oppression and divisiveness. The protections i was born with have been stripped away. Yet...i am still privileged. Privileged to live in a democracy, to have the right to vote and to make my voice heard. It may often fall on deaf ears, but i prefer this to being heard by one who would execute me. And i'm fighting for better.

I am going to celebrate the freedoms i have this Fourth of July and i am not going to be sorry for it. I am no longer going to allow the flag of my country to be synonymous with bigotry, hatred, and white Christian nationalism. "Liberty and Justice for All" is a concept i will die striving for. And for the record, if you're hating the state of things right now, let that remind you to actually vote for the right person next time rather than sitting on your ass and going "WeLl ThEy'Re NoT gOoD eNoUgH." Just like with Harris. For all the bitching and moaning we get to do, we better damn sure take equal as much action and recognize that this road will not be paved in perfection. But goddammit, we can at least start somewhere.

Reclaim Independence Day. Despite everything, we're here. Own it.

🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[faecaptainofdreams]

So...today i learned the hard way how hyper-empathy really works. I have known i have it for a while now, but i never realized how intricate and sensitive it was. To the point where, as my partner underwent something routine, i was so stressed for him today i went on total autopilot. I comforted him over text, did everything i could to be supportive and attentive and make sure NOTHING was about me. Not because he asked for that, but because i believe that is how it should be when someone is having a serious moment. I believe in waiting my turn.

Hours after the routine stressor, Ash was fine, if not a little mentally flatlined. Meanwhile, without my totally realizing it, something crushing deep inside of me was getting locked in a box, wrapped in chains, smothered in approximately seven layers of thick blankets and drowned out by the hum of static and "Disease" by Lady Gaga playing on loop in my head all day. But even so, the cracks showed. Irritability with others (not Ash), lethargy, mainly. No matter how hard we try to repress pain, it always finds a way to show its hand.

By the end of the day, some conversations later and like half an hour of digging through my psyche, the roof caved in. A hole burned through those blankets, snapped the chains and sliced the box clean open. And within sat my inner child in a tight maw of red and black, crying for help. The wounds of my youth tore open without mercy. One minute i was telling myself i'm just a selfish asshole for feeling uncomfortable with someone else's discomfort, the next it all came crashing down on my head that my trauma was being prodded. Just the knowledge, the very idea that the person i love the most had to go through something regular and routine which most people come out fine from, was enough to evoke the depths of my PTSD.

I wasn't the one being bothered today. I wasn't the one who had to go through the bullshit; no, but my own personal, childhood bullshit couldn't shake the fear and dread and sadness that came with helplessly watching someone else go through something not identical, but similar enough. I couldn't be there in person... but Ash says my words and availability was enough. In the end, it was i who ended up needing him. What started as a simple conversation turned into me sitting in the tub, shaking my head and bawling my eyes out. Drooling, snotting, forcing the sobs to stay quiet so mom wouldn't hear me. Desperately needing touch but couldn't get it yet. Regardless... goddamn, the release of that cry.

Hyper-empathy isn't always just as simple as feeling deep sadness or understanding of someone else's predicaments. It can sometimes also mean reliving trauma. It can be terrible and draining to watch someone else endure something similar to you, even if they're relatively fine. Inside, you're not. I often find myself hearing or reading stories of atrocities that others survive and although it's years in the past, sometimes those stories make me cry for days or keep me up at night, and that's regarding stuff NOT related to my own traumas (that i'm aware of?). Hyper-empathy can be really debilitating. At the very least, tonight i had the help of a beautiful soul to get me through it and recognize what was "wrong" with me all day.

I am raw, i am exhausted. My inner child feels like an open wound, fresh, similarly to the day her brain was irreversibly changed. I imagine her with raw flesh on her back, just over her right shoulder. Shiny and red, oozing and burning like hell. And...it's great. It hurts, but so seldom does this particular part of me surface in all its rawness. She just wants justice for what she suffered. Someday, maybe i will have some sort of closure. If nothing else, it was an honor to be there for my beloved. He's fine, but i am not. He knows that, and he holds nothing against me. I feel ridiculous, but he knows my heart, and he knows i don't simply seek to steal a spotlight (as i originally thought was the case).

I just really wanted to share this as i wind down for bed. Dunno why... just feels better when i do.

❤️‍🩹

[faecaptainofdreams]

@sumi-sprite THIS HURRRTS GODDAMMIT COME TO INDIANA!!! IT'S HOT BUT OUR AC IS GOATED AND WE HAVE LOTS OF FIREFLIES AND COOL ANIMALS 🥺🦊🦑🙏🏻

worst part about the Internet is knowing that there are finally people who both match and complement your freak. the nearest one is 2,318.4 miles away and your time zones are awkward

[faecaptainofdreams]

Livin my best life as a pirate 🏴‍☠️

[faecaptainofdreams]

READ MY MIND HOMIE

i hope luigi mangione is proven innocent & gets to sue a ton of companies for slander and win & i hope he gets enough money to rebuild his life and get any help for his chronic pain that he needs & i hope he’s able to disappear from the public eye entirely if that’s what he wants

[faecaptainofdreams]

THIS IS SOOO SWEET 😭♥️ we should all have the freedom to love who we love, globally

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

fuck yeah !!!!!!!!!