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DM: Make a perception check

Player: 12?

DM: Everything’s fine.

Players:

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Context: My players try to seduce anything that moves. Even recently freed slaves. 

Rogue: Are any of the slaves women?

DM: *rolls d20 but doesn’t even look at it* seven of them are women. 

Fighter: What races?

DM: *Rolls a d4 but doesn’t even look at it* all are human except for one half-elf. 

Rogue: Do any of them look promiscuous?

DM: *Rolls without looking* On a scale of 1 to Promiscuous, the slaves are malnourished, tortured, and exhausted. 

Hysterical laughter as all the players try to give me their coins that I gave them to represent inspiration. 

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DM: Ok, there are big iron gates in front of you

Teifling: ok, i push open the gates

DM: ok, you try that

Teifline: ….and?

DM: nothing happens because gate doors open outwards

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双葉ちゃん | 夕木 陽雲 [pixiv] 

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When you say you play D&D

What people hear: I’m a gigantic fucking nerd

What you’re actually saying: I’m a gigantic fucking nerd with at least 3 friends that tolerate my presence on a weekly basis

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Why would anyone want to consume it!?

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Final (in character) lines

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So we were just starting a session. This somewhat describes what being a GM in a group of fuckups is like.

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Vex: To Vax'ildan. He was the best of us.

Keyleth: The most selfless.

Scanlan: The most frequently naked.

Grog: The most frustrating.

Percy: The brightest and the darkest.

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Hello hello!! So I had the opportunity to team up with BangGood and treat you lovelies with a giveaway! How cool is that? ♥ They’re a super nice store full of all kinds of goodies for affordable prices!

Prize: Any item you want for up to $12 from BangGood - totally free!

How to enter: Just reblog this post! No need to follow me, this is a treat for YOU! :) And don’t forget that we will need your address if you win!

Deadline: 15th of May, 2016

Bonus: One winner when we hit 80 entries, but TWO winners if we hit 180 entries! So keep reblogging~

Don’t forget to check BangGood out and pick out your future prize :D Here are some of my favorites. I have the star pillow from them hehe, it’s so cute!

Cat Socks // LED Mushrooms // LED Star Pillows // Adorable Gel Pens

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Leia finds out that neither Finn nor Rey know who their families are, and she refuses to let them be in a room alone together until they can both produce family trees that go back three generations. 

“Never again, Chewie” Leia tells him as they watch BB-8 aggressively roll between them every time they try to get within arm’s reach. “ I know it’s unlikely, but never again.” 

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No one pays attention

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Reasons I should never be the Doctor.

Poise: The Doctor? I thought you'd be taller.

Me: I'm bigger on the inside.

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I tried explaining this to my family and they told me I was completely insane and that this isn’t how things work. They apparently think people in service are genuinely friendly and always talk and act like that. And when they went off on me about “you will never get a job if you act there like you do at home” I explained that, no, I don’t. Home is when I can be myself in all my cynical glory. Work is when I have to be cheerful and sociable...and they told me to just be like that all the time then. They really don’t get it.

One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”