fl0r4dical - Tumblr blog

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New you but goodbye too

i never really formally talked about you here but its okay because i think its over anyway.

Dear you,

there is really no doubt in my mind that i like you.. alot. while now im realizing that the feeling is not reciprocated but i just want to express how fluttery you made me feel. things that i like/liked about you? well where do i begin?

firstly, you are such a sweetheart, always carinf for the people around you and their feelings and what they need.

secondly, your work ethic. to be honest, it was really a major turn on that you were willing hustle between intern and working on the weekends (7 days of work week) just to make ends meet for yourself, i really found that massively attractive, that drive to work hard and all for yourself

thirdly, how you can be quite manja and actually kind of a whiny baby, lowkey i found that rlly cute

fourth, how you never ever rejected any task i assigned you even though you hated it, i really really respected that about you

and then around february was our peak i guess. you started replying to practically all my stories and im not going to deny that i posted more just so that i could have that little little conversations with you. and our study dates, i wont lie that i was productive cuz i was soooo frikin unproductive but that little time i could spend with you and the lepaking sessions after, how i wish i could relive it. all our mac dates also, i mean i honestly love macs but eatinf macs with you was always a whole other feeling. and when you surprise delivered mac to my house just because i complain that i was hungry, you waiting so damn long in queue just for me cuz im a hungry brat, honestly i thought that was it already, i thought that was a sign that you liked me back because what normal friend wld do that for their "friend"? seriously thats going waaaay out of your way to satisfy me and no guy has ever done that for me before. i thought it was it , we were gna be together already soon. but well i guess not.

after that it kind of went downhill? we talked less, we met up less, also the fact that you finished your intern report already so you did not need to meet up with me already. i felt kinda used at that point but its ok, i was fine with it. and then you stopped asking me out. it was more of me clinging on to you, and im not going to lie bcus no doubt i used quiffy so that you could be there too. i really just wanted you. even when you had both friends around, like that car ride, you totally ignored me and didnt even try to include me? and when we hanged with quiffy at the back when you were with your bros, once again you ignored me. you suck at balancing two grps of friends because you always ignore me. trying not to be petty but, i guess im not important enough in your life. and i tried to be honest, to be sweet and cringy to show you i had some affections for you, but well you really did not reciprocate it at all.

i tried and tried to cover my shame and embarrassment and just continue the convo just so i could still talk to you. i confided in you when i was feeling super emotional but to be honest i could tell that you did not give a rats ass. i tried but i guess im not what you were looking for. i would have treated you so well, give you all the space with your friends and showered you with love, but i guess you dont want that from me. i waited and waited, because maybe i liked you before you "did" so i had to give you time to be on the same level but yep nope, i really guess im just not it.

eventually, right now, i mustered the courage to tell myself that i am worth more than this. if you dont like me for me, if you dont find interest in me at all, then what can i do? feelings cant be forced and i have to accept that. we are not meant to be and i just have to accept that. im just sad because i keep thinking of what could have been and how im not crazy to have assumed you liked me, but i dont want to seem desperate for affection even though i admittedly am. but its okay. the right guy would prove to me that he likes me, not keep me in constant shadow. the right guy will eventually come along and i just have to be patient. i know i put up a very strong front and look as though im fine being independent and everything but it gets a little lonely sometimes. i was to grow with someone, achieve our goals together, but i guess that wont happen with you.

i thought you could have been the one yknow, but wel God has other plans for me so i just have to embrace it and move on. even though nothing happened, i went through 14 weeks of being unsure and insecure about myself so really that is enough. im better than this. i am ready to let you go, MFBF. thank you for giving me a slither of hope. but i guess thats over.

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the last week

dear you,

its the last week we have together but i cant really make it to work this week so we have like 2 days left together la. and yep im sure as hell going to miss you a shit ton. all our moments discussing music and recently discovering a new genre we both actually like... i wont have anyone else to do this shit with anymore man... i really doubt we will keep in contact that often because you have your own life and so do i and we are both busy busy people so most probably not. but i just keep reminiscing our time together and just keep smiling to myself because i know i have someone like you in my life. you changed me and im so glad honestly. thank you for everything im so glad i got to know you, and yep just good luck my dude.. no one will understand our relationship because its just so complicated but we understand it and yep that's enough for me.

love, sab

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haha shit

so here is another dear you moment.

so dear you, im scared people are starting to notice my affection for you and im not ready to face that kind of judgement. but at the same time, i cant bear not to be close to you because i know our time is limited and i just need you in myself i swear. i never realized i could be this fulfilled in life. i just wish.... well lets not delve into that :/. but today you were a little distant and i dont know i just want more time together but i really shouldn't. you being you also does not help in this case because sometimes you tend to be so cute with your randomness and i just fucking hate you for being so charming sometimes. but im fine with you being my best friend. im fine as long as you stay in my life. i just need you, thats all. in my first week of uni so far, i just look forward to work because i know i'll see you. i just dont want things to change anymore.

-love, sab

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dear you

you will never see this but this is meant for you.

dear you,

thank you for everything you have done for me. you havent left me yet but i know the time is coming soon. you taught me so much, both for work and about life. you taught be this invaluable lesson that in this world, you want something you need to earn it. i know to you our relationship may not seem like much but you have no idea how hard it is for me to open up to people and be vulnerable like i am with you. it has been a long time since i trusted someone enough to to truly share my deepest thoughts. our relationship has this intimacy that is not sexual or what so ever yet it is so intense i cant even explain. i know you have your life and i dont want to be a homewrecker of any kind so honestly im trying my best to hold on to these feelings but sometimes i just wonder what if? but its okay dont worry i would never do that to you. i just haven't felt this way about someone before and the very thought of not having you in my life anymore makes my heart ache. i cant do this without you and i know it. its easy for you to leave me but trust me its not the same vice versa. you bring out the best in me and for some reason i feel so at ease when you're with me. i think i love you but i dont know if its a brotherly love or something more. i hope its not something more because i would never dream of becoming the second woman. not that you are interested in me like that but i know i mean something to you too because you've never open up to anyone before this. you dont need to tell me but i know it. i love how driven you are in life and im just so so grateful we got close these past couple of months. i want to tell you these things but i can never bring myself to do it. i think i love you but i really shouldn't . i really wish i meant more to you.

love, sab

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Proof that Jess Mariano is a Gigantic Nerd:

Has a book in his back pocket at all times

Tried wooing his crush with basic magic tricks. Multiple times.

Also tried wooing his crush by stealing her book and writing notes in the margins

Was employee of the month at Walmart

Risked injuring himself to go on a romantic carriage ride with his crush

Described the times he had class with his crush’s bf as “brief non-pugilistic time”

Spent $90 to get a picnic date with his crush

Wooed said crush on said date with literature banter

”You know, Ernest only has lovely things to say about you.”

Put together and personally delivered an entire care package of diner food when he heard his crush was gonna be home alone

Got visibly angry and defensive when someone implied he’d never read Jane Austen

Got so overwhelmed when he finally got the girl that he had to “regroup” before he could stand close to her

Stared lovingly at a book for like 4 minutes straight then called his gf a “cruel woman” for not letting him read it right away

Tried fighting a swan with a soup ladle

”Yahoo-ed” the exact distance between him and his gf’s future college

Was given a romance self-help book by his uncle and actually took advice from it

Chucked rocks at his ex gf’s window like he was in some cheesy romance film

Is still pining over his high school gf. Even now. In his thirties.

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a mess

i feel all kinds of angry with the world. angry because my school friends dont see me as friends. angry because everything i say sounds like a nad woman. angry because everyone is annoying. angry because no one understands me at all. angry because i didnt meet my expectations. angry because i dont know who to confide in. angry because i can trust anyone anymore. angry because i hate everything about my life. angry because stress eating makes you fat. angry because no one understands my pain without me sPELLING it out to them. angry because i cant deal with everything and just shouting to get away from everything. overwhelmed yet no time to do a thing about it. no one respects my time or realize how precious the little time i have is. i hate everything i just want to quit everything

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thoughts

it kind of sucks to be a hopeless romantic. i think i love the idea of love and this develops into high expectations which are impossible to meet. i'll always feel this emptiness inside, like those romcom movies where the girl feels something is never quite right but when i think about it again, its all a load of crap but then again i fall in love with the idea of love. it's kinda vicious cycle. i try and try not to think ahout it but it occupied my heart and i just pine for cute surprises and romantic picnics and neverending love. yes sounds plausible but is it really?

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Maybe our love won’t be like the movies. Maybe there won’t be a grand ending, an airport run, a long embrace where the I love you’s come pouring out as fast as the laughs and tears. Maybe it’ll be as simple as breakfast on a weekday. You’ll be drinking coffee, I’ll be eating cereal; I’ll look at you, you’ll look at me, and we’ll just know.

d.c., "Not Like the Movies"  (via shareaquote)

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the laneway experience

Its kind of a euphoric feeling to attend a music festival. especially in a bloody hot Singapore, the laneway experience is intensified with the immense heat and ridiculously expensive food and drinks. (also the drinks were sold out at midday???)  But you also get to witness the sheer greatness of artists to be able to perform in front of an audience that honestly is quite demanding. I discovered I actually could survive standing for 4 hours in the moshpit for my beloved, Mac Demarco, who honestly should receive some kind of recognition for being such an amazing performer. There were so many amazing acts, namely, Slowdive, Wolf Alice, Billie Eilish and others as well. I wouldn't exactly call myself the ultimate music lover but attending laneway really made me feel so connected to music and I really loved that feeling, when you let your body move to the sound of the beat and just let loose. Maybe it's just me but that's really hard to come by. Seeing people come together to appreciate indie music is truly an unspeakable experience as everyone just grooves to the music. I discovered some new acts too which made me really want to get back into the indie world, after not discovering my own music for such a long time. Indie people are just the coolest, i love the vibe that came to me when i entered and stayed with me even when i left. will surely be back for more

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dont dream it; be it

sab’s brother

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I believe in moments. The fresh, rush, crush, of love. Taking a road trip across the country. Dancing under the stars. Crying in the rain. Being lonely until it hurts. Moments. I don’t believe in happily ever after, though I wish I did, and I don’t believe in love at first sight. But moments are real, and moments happen, so long as you are looking for them. Maybe I’m just a passionate, delusional person, but that summer my friend and I set off to have the moment of a lifetime.

mirandawritten (via shareaquote)

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there are moments that demand their own space in time. most of my moments are colored by souls. by sheer joy. subdued melancholy. jarring loneliness. the softness of companionship. bittersweet longing. the relentless pursuit of fulfillment. these moments survive with me through the same moments that i thought would become the end to everything.

Noor Shirazie (via noorshirazie)

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I just wanna live here in this quiet space. let the world pass me over. 

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