forlornax

[forlornax]

2025 phandom gift exchange

my submission for the 2025 summer phandom gift exchange for @head-of-oncology @phandomgiftexchange

Phil was tired. Exhausted even. His limbs ached as if they were rocks crushed by the unrelenting pressure of the deep, deep ocean. Still, he kept his eyes open as he waited for Dan to return with snacks. If he fell asleep now, Dan would never let him live it down. Plus, he really wanted some toffee popcorn. And the film was a masterpiece. Apparently. Phil didn't even know what they were watching, he'd been too tired to pay attention. Dan was excited though. So, like the good friend and devoted roommate he was, he would join Dan in his child-like excitement. It was the least he could do since Dan had helped him record three videos.

There was a rustle from the kitchen. Dan's footsteps broke the cloud of silence that was practically singing Phil to sleep.

“Are you ready to be amazed?” Dan smiled as he sat down, placing the golden toffee popcorn near Phil. He put the sweet and salty popcorn near himself, the sofa clinging to his figure as he sat down next to Phil. 

“Always!” Phil replied, voice enthusiastic but slightly flat. 

Dan paid no mind as he grabbed the remote off the table and scrolled through their never-ending watchlist. Most of the stuff on there was Phil's recommendation. There was so much he wanted to watch but he never seemed to have the time. When he did, he was always too tired, or, on the contrary, too restless to sit and watch a film. Dan might say that it was a cruel trick: to have the ability to do anything, yet no time. Phil however, was much more optimistic and was looking forward to retirement where he would be able to consume media everyday until he died. That was the dream.

He and Dan made sure to watch one film a week. Some people say ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away’ but Phil was pretty sure it was actually ‘a film a week keeps the doctor away’. Phil reached for his snacks as the screen lit up. The film had finally begun. Now, all Phil had to do was stay awake for the next two hours. 

They were watching Dead Poets Society. Phil really wanted to stay awake, not just to avoid Dan's light hearted mockery, but also because everyone had said it was a great film. They’d also said it was very sad and, although Phil would cry at any remotely sad film, Dan had only ever cried at Up, so he had to see if it would break the stoic persona that was Dan Howell.

30 minutes in, Dan passed he’d finished the popcorn and had begun to steal some of Dan's. Dan had only caught him a couple times and everytime he’d roll his eyes while grinning at Phil like his sheepish face was better than any film on the planet. He wasn’t sure he agreed with that judgement, but he was glad Dan was happy. 

45 minutes in, Dan had finished his popcorn and Phil had a blanket. It had loads of little clip art lions on it and it was as soft as a sheep. Or as soft as a lion's mane. Dan had bought him it for his 33rd birthday, he’d used it on every film night since. Tonight was no different. Perhaps it should’ve been, because it was not helping Phil's vendetta against sleep. It was like a cocoon and Phil was the insect. Perfectly safe. Perfectly warm. Perfect for sleeping. 

…

Dan had been looking forward to film night for weeks. He’d finally convinced Phil to let him pick the film and they’d remembered to get popcorn in the weekly shop. But there was one slight issue. It was just Dan's luck. The perfect evening ruined by the littlest of things. He was about five minutes from passing out on the sofa. That was saying something. The sofa was as uncomfortable as he’d felt pretending to be straight. Especially since he shared the sofa with a fellow giant (who liked to stretch out as much as humanly possible). Phil also seemed very excited to watch the film and Dan could not disappoint him like that.

So he poured the snacks into their separate bowls. Phils was a jaspery blue with little white stars painted across the inside in the shape of a cat. Dans was similar, instead of blue his was obsidian black and the same stars painted the picture of a bear. Phil's parents had them custom made as a house warming present when they rented their London flat. Dan still wasn’t sure how they hadn’t broken them after all these years.

Dan strode in, confidently carrying the two bowls and setting them down on the table - expertly hiding the tiredness that infested his bones.

“Are you ready to be amazed?” Dan smiled as he sat down. By this point he’d accepted the fact he was going to fall asleep. Phil made him feel comfortable in a way no object or place ever could. As long as Phil was there, Dan could sleep anywhere, even a deserted island with no cover.

Phil sat up and replied enthusiastically “always!” 

Dan forward, grabbing the remote from the table and turning the tv on. On any other night they’d scroll through the movies mindlessly, until Phil picked something that was probably already on his watchlist. But not tonight. No matter how tired Dan was, he was still on a mission. A mission to have his heart broken. A mission to feel seen within a film. Or something like that. That and that Robert Sean Leonard was at least mildly attractive. 

That was roughly what he’d read in his research. He liked to research films before he watched them, mainly so that he wouldn’t be disappointed. It worked. The majority of films he watched, he could happily watch again. Phil said that took the whimsy out of it. Dan disagreed. It meant he didn't have to worry about if it was going to be a waste of time.

Dead poets society. That was the film Dan had been thinking about all week. The one that he knew would make Phil cry and possibly make him cry too. And there was no way he was going to be able to enjoy it. He was going to fall asleep. However, Dan liked a good challenge, so he grabbed his popcorn and pressed play.

A smarter man than Dan would’ve had some coffee before committing to a two and a half hour film. But that same man would be awake for hours. So in actuality Dan was the smarter man. At least that's what he thought 10 minutes into the film. 

20 minutes in, the only thing Dan could think about was his own time in school. He was pretty sure all boys schools were his own personal hell. All his school trauma could’ve been resolved if he had a group of people to recite poetry with. That sounded perfect.

30 minutes in, Dan was hooked. The only thing stopping him from truly appreciating the film was the tiredness that had made its home in his body. His eyelids felt like sandpaper. Really heavy sandpaper to be specific. Just two hours to go. He’d almost finished his popcorn. Or Phil had. So staying awake was about to become that slight bit harder.

40 minutes in, Dan had finished his popcorn and had placed his bowl next to Phil's. Dan prided himself for being a realist. So he would be the first to admit that he was not going to be awake much longer. He knew Phil would probably place the blanket over him and chuckle to himself once Dan fell asleep. If he was lucky, Phil would pause the film and they could finish it another time. If he was even luckier, Phil would wake him up and take him to bed, where he could be actually comfortable. That was unlikely. Apparently Dan looked soft when he slept and Phil could not possibly disturb him, even if it was in Dan's best interest. 

Just the thought of a warm bed made Dan's eyelids droop.

…

The film continued to play, it was the perfect background noise for the two sleeping fools. Dan's hair fell into his eyes, weirdly reminiscent of his emo days. Phil's fringe was messily swiped to one side, with no one to stop it from staying straight. Now, 15 years since they first met, both men still looked the same. Sure, their hair was different, and Dan was slightly taller, but they were both young, and they both still had each other. 

Phil woke up to the light of the sun beaming through the gap into the curtains, right into his eyes. He groaned. His limbs felt elastic and stringy, so he stretched, not unlike a cat who desperately wants your attention. 

Sitting up, Phil remembered his struggle the night before. Evidently he had lost. He was never going to escape Dan's torment. Then he looked towards Dan. Asleep. Phil laughed to himself. They were both idiots. 

After about 10 minutes of watching Dan, Phil grabbed their popcorn bowls, went to the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He deserved it after the long day he’d had the night before. Technically he was stealing Dan's cereal, but Dan had fallen asleep during movie night. It was only fair that he should be punished.

He quietly snuck back to the sofa and began eating his luxurious cereal. Eventually Dan stirred, almost hitting Phil in the face as he mindlessly stretched.

“What did you think of the film?” Dan asked, voice thick with sleep.

Phil giggled. Dan smirked. Neither knew how the film ended. They barely knew how it started. Phil offered Dan a bite of cereal, of course Dan took it. Maybe tonight they’d try to watch the film again. For now, Both wanted to shower, and of course they had videos to edit.

The sun continued to shine through the curtains as the men began their day. Together. 

God, Dan's back was killing him.

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guys how do i meet james marriott later

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this blog is my diary it's my sketchbook it's stuff on my bedroom wall it's a pdf it's an unpublished novel it's a collage. it's all of these things

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"how ever will i fix my glasses while the lid to my super glue is stuck! oh dear, what a conundrum!"

the ever resourceful phil lester:

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guys do u think phil redyed his hair for the TIT mv or do you think they filmed it ages ago

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watching house rn is this guy even a good doctor he makes about 10000000 wrong diagnoses an episode

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my cat just woke me up just to sit with me

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i like this i need to lock in so i can achieve my dreams

“Fear not that your life will someday end. Fear only that you do nothing with it.”

— Unknown

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A rookie mistake is getting out of things by claiming a grandparent died. You can do that a maximum of four times per person, and that's assuming maximum social atomization, where nobody you know is likely to talk to each other and compare notes and realize that five of your grandmothers have died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the last three months. The winning play? Dead Uncles. You can have any number of dead uncles, because who knows how many siblings your parents have? You don't even need to keep the stories straight because if you slip up you can claim it was two separate uncle deaths. You can repeat names, even, one on each side of your family. Uncles often die in memorable ways so you can get flamboyant with the specifics. Motorcycle accidents, firework explosions, prostate cancer, rottweiler training mishap. It won't be that weird that you aren't particularly torn up about it. Maybe you didn't like your Uncle

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i have a cool twenty one pilots bookmark !

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“ummmmm ur bra strap is showing :/ ”

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phupload tonight we all chant in unison

phupload tonight we all chant in unison

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Turns out Nothing Cures Melancholy Like Looking At Maps isn't nearly as stomachache-inducing as I thought last summer, I was just depressed lol. Bart's Bike, on the other hand,

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We joined the Coalition for LGBTQ+ Youth

Some pre-Pride news to be proud of!

To introduce ourselves as a new coalition, we want to speak directly to the LGBTQ+ young people we serve:

Dear LGBTQ+ young people,

You deserve the world. We see you, and we are here to support you as much as we can, and in every way that we can. We will never stop fighting for your ability to lead the healthy, safe, full lives you deserve. We’re with you, because we are you. We are a collective made up of queer and transgender folks, and allies, who were once young people, like you. We also needed the care and kindness of our elders to make it this far, and we promise to pay it forward as best as we can. Queer people have always existed, and we can never be erased. We know that, you know that, and we are committed to using our platforms to ensure as many people as possible outside our community know that, too.

There’s a lot of hate being hurled in your direction these days, along with a seemingly endless stream of misinformation about who you are, and how you live your lives. And yet, you keep going – fighting through it, and rising above it. You inspire us every day, and we mean it wholeheartedly. Your capacity to love is limitless.

We don’t know what the future holds for our country. But with you in it, we know it will be bright.

Keep finding your joy. We are in this together.

–The Coalition for LGBTQ+ Youth

Founding Members:

Destination Tomorrow

Family Equality

Hetrick-Martin Institute (HMI)

Hopelab

It Gets Better

Live Out Loud

PFLAG NYC

The Ali Forney Center

The Free to Be Youth Project

The Future Perfect Project

The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center (The Center)

The Trevor Project

The Tyler Clementi Foundation

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why do people keep changing my meal plans this is stressing me out

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why did bears release merch when i cant afford it