frywitch - Tumblr blog

[frywitch]

Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)

[frywitch]

[frywitch]

[frywitch]

Menő

[frywitch]

Arms are overrated anyways.

[frywitch]

when people yell at retail workers/waitstaff/etc. for no reason

[frywitch]

i am so tired of peeing. i drink the water, which i apparently need to live or something, then i have to go put the water somewhere else five minutes later. i drink the water, i go to a place to un-drink the water, i wash my hands, i leave, then i have to drink more water. guess where that water ends up? not in me! i give the water to my body and like a child it tosses it out and demands more. all hours of the day all hours of the night no matter what i am doing my life is interrupted by piss and this is bullshit

[frywitch]

me: typing into google a bunch of words and phrases to find that specific vine

fbi agent:

[frywitch]

[frywitch]

HRRRGH!!

ghfghgghgggggg;;;w

[frywitch]

Apollo: Sister, what are you the goddess of?

Artemis: *lounging by a spring on piles of deerskin surrounded by three dozen naked girls with a dead pan expression* Virginity.

[frywitch]

some days you’re just the squashed nutrigrain bar that exists at the bottom of every purse or bookbag

[frywitch]

[frywitch]

a large number of grass type Pokémon have a face like (｡• ᵕ •｡) and, well, I think that’s great

[frywitch]

give all bosses health meters

[frywitch]

I once read about an aquarium that trained the dolphins to pick up any debris in the tank and give it to the trainer in exchange for fish. One dolphin started started hiding paper under a rock and then breaking off small pieces to give the trainer. She also realized that she could get fish for catching a seagull. She soon started to stockpile fish to use as seagull bait, thus creating an exponentially larger seagull problem. Then she taught the other dolphins, which made it worse. So if you ever think dolphins are cute, remember that these little assholes create capitalism of their own volition and are not to be trusted.