gendthem

[gendthem]

12-1-19

Update! Everyone except for my family (who I’m not planning on coming out to rn) use they/them for me now! It’s actually been like this for a good month or so! Every time I hear it it makes me happy. I’m so glad I took the step, and I feel more secure now in my validity than ever.

9-16-19

Aaaaa!!! So I asked some of my close friends to use they/them for me today and it feels so good already! Like I haven’t even heard any of them say it yet but I already feel a weight lifted off of me. Baby steps.

[gendthem]

hey im curious if youre trans or nb could you rb and put in the tags what was the first name you chose for yourself and the current one you use

mine was phil and i go by roger now

[gendthem]

hello i love my body

[gendthem]

11/2/19

ANYWAYS!!!

Im always freaked a little and feelin like I’m secretly faking all this but recently I just really!!! Wanna!!!! Take!!!! T!!!! I want my voice to drop and I want my body to look more masc and I want the hair on my legs and stomach to thicken and I want bottom growth and a sharper jaw like and fat redistribution and ah god!!!! I wanna be masc!!! But also what if I don’t actually and I’m faking HHBNNDD like what if I did take T and I hated the changes ohhh boy.

[gendthem]

Me: I’m not trans

Also me: I can’t wait till I start T and get top surgery and start to look like all the masc nonbinary/ trans men that I follow on social media and constantly scroll through the selfies of wishing I looked like them

Me: but obviously I’m a fake trans cause I like makeup and dresses sometimes

[gendthem]

Oneside - Drama Moth

(C.B)(6.7.19)

[gendthem]

9-16-19

Aaaaa!!! So I asked some of my close friends to use they/them for me today and it feels so good already! Like I haven’t even heard any of them say it yet but I already feel a weight lifted off of me. Baby steps.

[gendthem]

6-22-19

Heyyyyy

I’ve had this blog for almost a year and I don’t know if I’ve come to any more of a solid conclusion than what I was at back then

I bought a binder. It’s rainbow. Wearing it feels good.

I’m hesitant to say that it feels right because what if I’m lying to myself about it. So for now I’ll say it feels good because that’s all I know for sure.

Whenever I think I’ve reached a conclusion my brain questions itself out of it. I think it’s fear. I’m scared to say I landed on a solid feeling because it’s too scary.

But I think I’m an enby boy.

I think. Idk. Hopefully I’ll keep figuring it out.

I think I’m figuring it out.

[gendthem]

4-1-19

“I think you’re so scared of being wrong that you won’t even entertain the possibility that you might be right.”

Tdov brings mixed feelings for me. In the past it was a day I celebrated, blindly proud in my identity. As the years have gone by I’ve closed myself off and tried to act cis. Seeing every transmasc person today show off and be proud of their progress is bittersweet because I can’t help but feel jealous. I want to look like that. Especially seeing people my age who already had top surgery and are on T when I don’t even own a binder and I’m not out to anyone except my boy and my one other enby friend. And yet at the same time, I think to myself “do I actually want that? What if I don’t? What if I’m faking? What if I got all that and hated it? Then what?”

I’m so scared of being wrong about my identity, im so scared that maybe I’m just cis, that I won’t even let myself believe that maybe I’m not.

[gendthem]

Me: my chest dysphoria is so lowkey because I don’t look at my chest, think about my chest, and I constantly wear a sports bra like a binder since I have a naturally small chest, so I guess that means I’m faking my dysphoria :((

Also me, when seeing an cute person who looks the way I wanna look but who is taller than me: that’s it. I’m never gonna look like that because I’m only 5’5” I’m so short and I can never change it oh god fuck can I get taller are there ways to get taller????????

[gendthem]

2-5-19

I wanna buy a binder??

But also they’re expensive and like sports bras work for flattening me pretty well. I feel like I should save my money. But like??? Idk?????

[gendthem]

1-8-19

‘‘Twas my 19th birthday yesterday and I have some Gender Questions if anyone knows the answers

Ok so, I only ever really experience slight body dysphoria. I have a small chest naturally so I just wear a sports bra most of the time and then I’m Pretty Much Flat. I LIKE cute bras though. I just don’t really like how my chest LOOKS with a bra on. I like to be flat when I wear shirts. It’s weird?

I also wish I were more androgynous since my body shape is kinda hourglass like. I have wide hips but they don’t always bother me since the way I see myself in my head is androgynous I never really think about the fact that that’s not how I actually look. Of course, I think my weight is fine even though losing some would lessen the appearance of my hips. My bones are just wideset in that area, and I like my weight as is so I don’t think that would really help.

Next, I like makeup most of the time, but when I say “makeup” I mean making my eyebrows more shaped and a little darker, and then sometimes I like to do fun eyeshadow. Like I normally use bright reds or glitter or something because I just think it’s fun. I think of makeup as gender neutral anyway. But sometimes I get very bad hits of what I think is dysphoria. Today when I thought about putting on makeup, I got wildly uncomfortable about it. I didn’t want it on my face, I didn’t want other people to know it was makeup. But then once I put it on (just some bright red eyeshadow and glitter on top) I felt fine! I actually felt like I looked less “female” with it on! I just don’t know if that’s considered dysphoria?

Last but not least: a lot of the time when I see people like put together cute outfits on instagram, I always want to look like the “guy” one. The masculine outfit appeals to me more pretty much every time. I want to look like that. But at the same time I question myself, so I actually? Because sometimes I like cute girly stuff so I must be a fake.

That’s stupid anyway, because I never claimed to be trans. I only ever called myself nonbinary. I don’t think I’m trans and I wouldn’t want that label anyway since a lot of the trans community would call me a “nondysphoric” anyway ((even though I’ve had days with dysphoria so bad that I was crying and shaking in bed wanting to rip off my own skin knowing that no one will ever see me the way I see myself because of the body I was born in, but yeah I’m sure I’m just a dirty trender or whatever))

Either way, I’ve now spent a good 5 ish years contemplating gender and I’m getting sick of never having the answer.

[gendthem]

Pride Kermits!

Please credit me/reblog this if you use these.

Might be making these into stickers on my Redbubble! I’ll drop the link once it’s all in Motion :)

[gendthem]

12-6-18

Here’s the thing about gender I’m gonna stop trying to put an actual label on myself. I feel more stressed and focused on whether I fit the specific criteria to call myself xyz than I do about if I’m comfortable in my expression or even trying to find myself All this speech on tumblr about how if you don’t hate your whole body then you aren’t trans. Who said I was ever calling myself trans? I’m just me, simple as that. Sure sometimes I wanna wear a skirt or a romper. Sometimes I wanna do it up with my makeup. Sometimes I like cute bras. Sometimes I can’t stand to look feminine at all. Most of the time I wear tight sports bras to flatten my chest. All the time I feel a disconnect with she/her pronouns when they’re aimed at me. I would much rather hear they/them I think. I’m sick of being scared that I’m a “trender” or “fake” just because I’m not hateful of my feminine side. I just want to be myself. I don’t WANT to have some weird checklist of shit. In the paraphrasing of something I read a long time ago, “I didn’t escape from one box just to be shoved in another” And those are my thots 2nite thank u and gudnight baybe

[gendthem]

11-21-18

Despite all the strong feelings and dysphoria that point towards me being nb, my brain still finds the time to convince me I’m faking. I store in the mirror and my head says “it’s ok if you’re really just a girl. That’s better actually. It’s fine. You’re cis.” And I fight back and think “but no I’m not and I’m not comfortable like that” but my head still just wants me to give in and just stop trying to find my gender identity. Stop trying to be me. Stop thinking about how I want to be referred to by they/them.

Give up on ever being comfortable in your own skin.

[gendthem]

Give Us Roses While We’re Still Here Transgender Day of Remembrance // Nov. 20th

This is just a poster I made the other day. I love all of my trans family, and I hope you take the day for remembrance & self care. 

[gendthem]

. on We Heart It.