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[gntswrld-blog]

It’s hard to write this I guess…

So my girlfriend left me a few days before Christmas and she is with a coworker (we all work at the same place). In short we had a pretty toxic relationship I would say when I think of it afterwards. But why is it I can’t get over it. It’s not like I want her back. But it just hurts seeing her with him and just thinking about it. I don’t even know what I am tipping here. My whole world got turned around still living with the parents bcs I am in an apprenticeship so not enough money for an own flat.

I have days where I’m like working out and beeing productive and other days where I feel like shit and just don’t know what to do.

I know it’s probably for the better but it is just feeling me with anger and sadness a lot of the time.

The day she moved out I drove her to work we said we are gonna have a talk in the evening.(things were not great these last weeks, she was not home a lot) when I went to my car after work she was standing there with my hoodie and the keys. She was talking about how she warned me about it and how she wasn’t able to figure it out with my mom (I had the feeling she didn’t even want to sometimes). And when I came home (parents weren’t there) everything was gone.

I mean we had good times and often she did a lot of things for me and tried to make me happy in so many ways. And In other ways she never fully trusted me and was always so toxic with other girls she kept deleting my messages and chats with girls. I was always true and honest and told her what’s going on and she gave me an additude a few times and after that I stopped talking bcs I did not want the stress after work.

But even after all that bullshit I still respect her even if she’s doing the opposite. It’s just hard for me to figure out what went wrong sometimes.

I feel bad about me behaving the way I did and then I don’t bcs she just didn’t respect a lot of things I have said and done.

Then I was following a cute girl on Instagram and I just dmed her that I would love to meet her and get to know her she was nice and said we could do that and now she’s ghosting me… I know it’s not the best thing to do after a few weeks after a breakup but I was a little exited.

I don’t know how I feel sometimes really I just wish to know if somebody can relate or understand how I feel.