go6jo

[go6jo]

all the grotesquerie edits on my tiktok fyp………. priest! geto… save me. save me priest! geto.

[go6jo]

omg ure writing again?? happy 2 see u !!

i can hardly say that im writing these days if im being honest : ( i have all these unfinished drafts staring menacingly at me though .. so many ideas such little time. it did make me so happy to receive this message though!! it singlehandedly made me want to stop procrastinating and actually do something about all the ideas roaming around in my head ..

[go6jo]

rin will hastily tag along with you when you tell him you’re shopping for swimwear that afternoon and while you’re skimming through the racks of clothing you loose sight of him for a bit and you think he must have decided to sit down to let you wander around freely but then he returns with a pile of all different kinds of bathing suits in his hands telling you a bit bashfully that he thought those would look good on you. (you’re a little surprised when you notice they’re all the skimpiest two pieces you’ve ever seen btw… it swells your ego that he wants to see you wearing those, that he wants to show you off… also i think hes particularly keen on those bikinis that you have to tie together. he absolutely loves it when you ask him to help you tie the back of your top also thinks they’re a bit risqué and it makes him a little crazy… is constantly playing with the strings of your bottoms that look so good digging into your thighs…) goes inside the fitting room with you to help you tie the bikini tops and kisses your shoulder before standing behind you with his hands on your waist and you’re trying very hard to suppress a smuggish smile from showing because he’s staring so intensily and he’s so tense, his hands are digging at your waist and it’s kinda amusing “so?”

“look so fucking good.” it's so characteristically blunt and you chuckle softly because he’s said that about all the bikini sets you’ve tried on so far. and he means it. you tell him to help you pick one but he's sooo far gone and he feels a little guilty because he's not being much of a help but he's only thinking about hurrying back home where you'll model your new purchase for him like you always do (a way to show him your gratitude, you say, for spending his money on you yet again. he thinks it’s a fair exchange.) he'll close his eyes as per your request as you walk out of the en-suite bathroom of your shared room - doesn't matter he bought it for you, that he's seen you in it and that he's been thinking of you in it ever since. he's thinking of beckoning you closer to him sitting in bed and kissing your exposed tummy. you'll smile, knowingly, because you know how he gets, because you’re all too aware of what he wants yet is too reluctant to put into words, when he begins to play with the strings of your bottoms, his face still buried in the plush of your stomach - a bit too embarrassed to let you in on his desire, scared that it is too flagrant on his features. he feels his greed might be inadequate. you'll smile and guide his hands to your waist, it's okay, you can touch me, and he will trail his hands up your spine and strip you slowly, starting at the knot on your back, followed by the knot on your neck and then the ones on each side of your hips...

he's rushing out of the fitting room with the pile of different bikini sets you couldnt choose from and goes straight to the register to pay for all three of them despite your protests that three new sets is excessive and completely unecessary.

[go6jo]

will very happily oblige when you ask him to help you study anatomy, though. you ask him to flex his arm so you can observe the muscles there, drawing a few loose sketches in your notebook and you casually point out that he’s the perfect dummy to practice on because his muscles are so prominent so it’s easier for you to understand their morphology and you’re basically complimenting his physique in such a matter of factly manner, praising him as your finger traces over the curve of his bicep in silent worship — he’s holding his breath trying to remember to keep it professional.

art student gf + pro athlete bf rin who gets sooo conflicted when you call to tell him about the nude model drawing classes you just started taking and you tell him the guy did such cool poses and it was so much fun and he’s like. wait a minute. what do you mean you’re looking at other naked men. can’t you just pick a female model. can you just not go, actually. i can get naked for you and you can draw me instead. i promise i’ll be still. and you’re like. this class takes attendance, rin. it counts towards the grade. he wants to die.

[go6jo]

art student gf + pro athlete bf rin who gets sooo conflicted when you call to tell him about the nude model drawing classes you just started taking and you tell him the guy did such cool poses and it was so much fun and he’s like. wait a minute. what do you mean you’re looking at other naked men. can’t you just pick a female model. can you just not go, actually. i can get naked for you and you can draw me instead. i promise i’ll be still. and you’re like. this class takes attendance, rin. it counts towards the final grade. he wants to die.

[go6jo]

childhood friend karasu who throughout the years you've witnessed jump from one relationship to another despite the obvious feelings that are left unaddressed between the two of you. there is this tangible tension, one that grows substantial with time, with each relationship you watch him get into. and you're somewhat aware of your feelings towards each other yet neither of you own up to it.

you will often show up to his front door on a short notice, to hang out on the occasions that you were coincidentally driving past his house after work. more often than not, however, he'll open the door with his shirt slung over his shoulder, and if you took a peak inside you'd notice some girl, one that looks nothing like you, whose features couldn't be more distinct from your own, sprawled on the couch of his living room, her hair a mess, lipstick smeared all over her lips down to her chest, smudges of red disappearing under the collar of her shirt that's riding dangerously up her stomach. more often than not, too, he'll smirk at the way you look away from the scene in front of you, trying to act unfazed, how you try, to no avail, to conceal the frustration that shows in the furrow of your brows. jealousy, it reads on your face - it's written all over it, even a blind man could see it. "wanna join?" but you've already started walking away and tabito thinks he knows the answer, anyways. (you've never been one for sharing, not ever since you were a child and as he watches you leave there’s a certain tenderness that settles in his chest, that softens the smirk on his face into a subtle smile, one of affection upon realising that, when it comes to him, you never really stopped behaving like the little girl he knew and grew up with, the little girl who had always wanted him all to herself.)

you watch as girls grind up against him at the club everytime go out together. he’s grown handsome, you reckon, (more handsome now at 20 than 14 year old you would ever thought he’d turn out to be.), drawing some attention, girls naturally flocking to him - something you’re still not used to. him being the object of other people’s affection. you having to share. your eyes meet across the room - you stare at him in silent revulsion, as an affront when he lets them cling onto him, smirking at you over the girl's shoulder as she starts kissing up his neck, feeling him up, her manicured nails grazing down his chest. what are you gonna do about it, he mouths at you in defiance. like clockwork, you pretend that you didn't take notice of his disappearance, that you didn't feel a knot in your stomach as you watched some girl drag him into the bathroom with her and when it's time to leave, you pretend you don't notice that the buttons at the top of his shirt are undone - that he's breathless and his pupils are blown wide. you get in his car and he drives you both home - to his place - then you get inside and you both pretend like there is nothing to be said. you slip out of your heels and you curse him quietly when he walks past you into the living room. "you're an asshole, tabito" but there isn't any malice to it, it's meek in a way. sad and hopeless. he just scoffs in fake amusement, discarding of his shirt and throwing it in the couch. all of his witty qualities, any energy he might've had to retort with a cheeky remark began to fade as soon as he had walked through the front door. he always found it harder to play pretend in the silence of his home, away from all the buzz, where the feelings you've both been negleting for way too long begin to weigh heavy in the athmosphere. there's a certain bitterness hanging in the air as he adjusts himself on the couch to settle for the night, as you walk into his room and lock the door behind you. neither of you have the energy to argue anymore. you used to fight on nights like these, “does it bother you that much?”, he'd ask once the dust begins to settle with his forehead touching yours, holding your chin so you couldn’t avert your gaze away from him. “could be you, you know?”. he tells you as he kisses your cheek, left then right, on each corner of your mouth, dangerously close to your lips then holds your head against his chest. he could be so sweet, so convincing. you used to fight but that was before, when you still thought it was worth a shot, that this was worth fighting for - whatever this was. "just say the word and i’m yours, baby.”

liar. he’s pretending to care when he squeezes your hand a little tighter in his as soon as he begins to feel you grow restless as you struggle to engage in conversation with his friends, too afraid to intrude yet too scared of looking bored as they talk football tactics (you had just wanted to spend some time with him after a whole week of being too busy to hang out). faking the kindness in his smile, too, as he tries his best to put you at ease. they like, you know, he tells you once you leave, eita’s told me you should give him a call if you’re ever done being friends with me. he’s only feigning sympathy when he offers to rub your feet after a long day, when he kneads your calves as your legs rest over his on the couch. he’s pretending to be attentive when he rubs up and down your arms as you stand in line together to keep you cosy on a particular chilly day, lwhen he tells cashier your coffee order that he has memorized by heart, when he brings your hands up to his lips and blows some warmth into them, sharing some of his heat after your coffees run cold in your grasp, definitely only acting suave when he presses his lips ever so softly against the skin of your forehead to check your temperature when, on the following day, you tell him you might be getting sick.

so you refused to yield. you've loved him for as long as you can remember yet still you never wavered in your decision to refuse to surrender to him. he's all you've ever known, for the longest time you watched him jump from one relationship to another thinking that someday when he grew older, more mature, he'd stop playing these games with you. so you waited, you waited until you realised that maybe you'd never see the end of it, that maybe he just enjoyed being chased, enjoyed how suscetible you were to his provocations, thrived on your silent jealosy — he must have thought it was flattering. he's always loved to pick on those weaker than him, to feel like he has the upper hand while picking on their weaknesses and yours just so happens to be him. you don't think he ever means it when he says he'd be yours, that he'll drop his current girlfriend if you ask him to, if only you tell him you want him. to admit such a thing, however, you think, would be to akin to handing him the gun with which you he’ll make you meet your demise. it is a scary thing to have someone hold that power over you, the power to destroy you if they so desire. so you won't surrender, it hurts enough already as it is.

but he has needs, he tells you, (teases you), and if you won’t indulge him he will have someone else tend to them. and karasu does try to enjoy their company to a certain extent - pretends to make love to you through them. pretends it's your tongue he's sucking on, your whines, your scent, your touch. and even though he purposefully chooses girls that look nothing like you, he manages to get into it so long as he keeps his eyes shut. his relationships never go past the three month mark, though. Karasu does just enough to keep the entertained, kisses them nice and slow so they feel cared for, feels and gropes them over their clothes while whispering all kinds of dirty things into their ears, all the things he will do to them (all the things he’d like to do to you) and for a while those empty promises are enough to keep them around. he knows what women want and knows how to keep them on their toes. it never goes past that, though. it never lasts much longer once he begins rejecting their every advance because as soon as they start kissing down his chest, their fingers sneaking past the waistband of his underwear, he is grabbing their wrists while glancing down at them with a dangerous look on his face. it’s not long before they start whining at him, telling him he’s no fun and leave through the front door, never to be seen again. then he’s left to think of you. it was fun for a while, to introduce you to all of these different girls and watch you act friendly with them only for you to let your frustrations out on him as soon as the two of you were alone. it sort of amused him, really. for quite some time, your jealousy had been enough for Tabito, it'd been enough reassurance of the feelings you still harboured for him after all these years. it was proof that you desired him and maybe if your desire was strong enough, maybe you wouldn’t notice that he’s not that special after all. that there is nothing exceptional about him, not a secret quirk or any hidden talent or passion besides football - not much to give, not much to love. he had relied on all these girls who blindly craved him so hopefully you, too, would find him worthy of love, your love. but it's been too long now and you’re both adults and he's tired of playing this game of cat and mouse and you might probably think he's the worst person alive by now so it's no use trying to convince you of his feelings for you either. and how could he blame you for it, really? for not trusting him when all he has done for the past years is deceive you.

then he goes off to paris and he begins to take his relationships more seriously, as a way to actively work towards getting over you. he’s sparking all kind of dating rumours when he’s seen leaving practice with a french model under his arm. you haven’t heard of him for over a year and you see the pictures all over social media. on the first picture of the sequence you can tell he’s just left practice because his skin is covered in a wet sheen of sweat. he's smiling and his jersey is clinging to his torso almost a bit too provocatively (you're sure he'd bask in the praise of the people on the comment section complimenting his physique) and you can’t help but notice the way the sleeves are a little too tight around his arms, he has put on some muscle since the last time you saw him - he looks so handsome and hes a lot stronger and you miss him so much. you smile fondly at your screen but your smile begins to falter as you scroll through the pictures and theres an image of a blonde handing him a bottle of water while he noses at her cheek affectionately, in gratitude you think, another picture capturing a more intimate moment where he’s holding her head to his chest as he drinks from the bottle and you don't think you've ever seen him be this genuinely gentle towards anyone before, anyone but you. there is an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach, you feel sick — it’s the first time you’re truly scared of losing him. you call him almost instantly - instinctively. you don’t know what to say if he picks up, you don’t even know if you want him to pick up, you don't even know why you’re calling him but you feel nauseous and your vision is blurry from all the tears that are threating to spill and its taking him way too long to pick up. you have half a mind to hang up when you hear his voice on the other end and you start sobbing, unable to form any cohesive sentences, apologizing to him instead, over and over again.

“hi, bab-“ it should've felt comforting to know that even after all this time his voice is still gentle when talking to you, that he'll never stop calling you baby - that you're still his baby.

“sorry.” you say in between hiccups “im sorry. please, tabito. im so sorry. dont do this, please.”

he wants to say he has no idea what you're talking about, that he's happy now, happy with her that he never once wondered how you'd react once the news reached you on the other side of the globe. he pretends he can't feel his heart aching in his chest at your crying fit because he'd dreamed of a moment like this - where you'd call him crying, begging for him. you'd always been so tough that he thought it'd be somewhat sweet to watch you finally break - he didn't foresee this though. feeling this gutted, this miserable at the weak sound of your voice, hating himself this much. he never thought things would reach such dimensions, could never imagine the depths of your feelings for him, that you'd hurt so much for him. its breaks his heart. he aches for you yet he finds you ache for him just as much.

"hey." he hushes. “i won’t, baby. i won’t, okay?”

his words seem to soothe you and he lets you cry for a little longer until your sobs gradually begin to fade on the other side of the line until it's mostly quiet. he runs a hand through his hair, unsure of what to tell you, of what to do.

“you have got to give me something here, pretty.” he can feel you grow agitated again as he listens to your quivering breath. “i need to know what you want.”

it's silent again until you begin to sob quietly, trying to get the words out. “i need you, please. don’t do this.”

“you’re hurting me, tabito.”

you sound so small, childish almost and he loathes it. he loves you and he doesn't want to see you hurt anymore, not for him. he loves you so much, so much, but he’d been so worried you’d see through him, that you'd deem him insignificant - so focused on making you love him. all this time he forgot about making you feel loved in return, cared for.

"your address still the same?" he wants to hold you, he thinks. to kiss your face while whispering sweet nothings onto your ear, again, again and again until you believe it when he tells you he loves you. he hears a sound of confirmation coming from you and he adjusts himself on the couch, a arm folding behind his neck for support, waiting for your breaths to even out and he tells you he’ll stay with you until you fall asleep. he stays and he completely forgets about the blonde sleeping in his bed next door.

a few days go by and you feel stupid for thinking that maybe he’d come to visit you, that he'd come to kiss away your tears and tell you that he wants to be with you, he’ll stay in japan just to be with you (you'd innocently dreamed of it. that his love for you would make him stay, your councious mind tells you that you'd never overcome that guilt, though. you'd never want to stall him, to ruin the bright future he has ahead of him. so instead, you choose to dream of a love that's enough to bind you two together despite however many miles might stand between the two of you.) you watch him on television and he shines on the field and you engrave that same image into the back of your mind because you think that’s the last you’ll ever see of him. but one day, two weeks after the call, when you’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe he’s not coming, he shows up at your doorstep and all you can do is drop your head onto his chest — surrendering, to him, in the sweetest submission. something so docile, so earnest it has his chest aching in adoration. there are no ulterior motives to your touches as you run your hands down the expanse of his arms only to finally link your fingers with his when you reach his hands. no other reason besides the fact that you want to touch him, feel him. he’s here and that’s enough. he’d been gone for so long that, for now, you won’t demand anything more of him except for his touch. it feels innocent again, mellow like when you were kids — uncomplicated. it feels overly sweet when you look up at him with honeyed eyes and hold his face in the palms of your hands getting on the tip of your toes to place a lingering kiss in the corner of his mouth, both of you with your eyes softly closed. then you move with uncertainty to brush your lips against his. it’s only then that he reacts, that he snaps out oh his reverie and grabs your face in his hands to put some distance between you. just enough so that he can look you in the eye, just enough to gain back his composure.

“no.” he locks eyes with you, holding you firmly in place. he kisses the furrow of your brows in a soothing manner, in reassurance at the look of betrayal on your face. “say it, baby.”

he looks down to traces a finger over the collar of your night dress and there a certain eagerness to his words, to the way he leans his forehead against yours and his chest is heaving in antecipation. he wanted to kiss you, too. and it fills you with courage.

“just make me your girlfriend, tabito,” you sigh “please.”

and it feels good to surrender. to be held in his arms as he kisses you slow, longingly. i have very little to offer you. the hands that roam your body and slide up your thighs under the fabric of your dress want to say. it’s enough, the hands that hold him closer to you whisper. you’re enough.

“you say it, now.” you pull away from him, breathless. “say it’s only ever been me.”

“yeah, baby. yeah.” he closes his eyes as he chuckles lovingly at the determination in your eyes and holds your head to his chest, close to his heart. (still not quite close enough.) “you’re my girl. you’ve always been my girl.”

[go6jo]

dating rin and he barges in through the bathroom door while you’re filming your vogue beauty secrets night skincare routine video because he completely forgot about you mentioning it and thought you were getting ready for bed without him which upset him because it's something he looks forward to at the end of the day - gets home really late everyday and it's a ritual he gets to share with you, a moment to be intimate with you. so when he notices you're recording he just goes "oh." with the most deadpan look on his face, standing by the door apologizing and you very sweetly chuckle and tell him it's okay, with a kiss to his cheek, that you'll help him when you're done. you eventually decide to keep his cameo in the final cut, with his consent, even though you're usually very private dating each other because you thought that it couldn’t hurt to shine a light on your relationship. after all you were proud of him and it feels good to show him off every once in a while. (plus the public is used to his aggression on the field, to star athlete rin itoshi, his cold demeanour and foul mouth and this showed a different side to him, that he could be tame, too. docile.) gets a little embarassed when the video is posted and as soon as he leaves the frame you're telling the camera about how he likes it when you do your nightly routine together. and that his favourite part are the face masks.

[go6jo]

I'M DOING FANTASTIC!!! MED SCHOOL HASN'T STARTED YET BUT IT WILL SOON, THE SURGERY WASN'T REQUIRED LUCKILY BECAUSE MY HEALTH GOT MUCH MUCH BETTER- thanks to the exams ending 😭😁😁

My birthday is coming soon so I'm super excited because I FINALLY GET TO SPEND TIME W MY FRIENDS AAAA( I'll save some cake for you dw😽😽)

Also I've been seriously thinking about Kenji sato these days ugh that man is so HDHDHSHSHS ANYWAY I HOPE YOU'RE DOING AMAZINGGGG🎀🎀

-🍒

soooooo happy for you!! hope you have the most amazing birthday and i’ll hold you to that, i have the biggest sweet tooth imaginable so i’ll gladly take that slice of cake!!

[go6jo]

im thinking. play fighting with oliver early in your relationship and he teasingly wraps a hand around your neck once he manages to pin you under him on the matress, just a ghost of a touch really because he’s still not sure where your boundaries lie just yet and then you reach for his neck with both hands, mirroring his move and you actually apply a little pressure, very lightly to test the waters ... he’ll moan. so shamelessly, too. from then on whenever you’re making out his hand will creep up to rest at the base of your neck and he squeezes weakly as a cue and oliver fully expects you to return the gesture and its so sensual yet intimate and its also playful because you’re kissing in between ragged breaths and sighing and panting into each other’s mouths and you’re both slightly lightheaded because of the subtle decrease in oxygen coursing through your veins..he’d be smirking through the whole thing, too.

[go6jo]

the way sae was standing in the u20 locker room in his calvin kleins and a silver chain only..

[go6jo]

wait a minute because im reading the itoshi brothers backstory chapters and sae… i soooo get you. they could never make me hate you twin. growing up being told you’re a prodigy only to be let down once you’re thrown in the real world and have to face the harsh reality that you’re mediocre at best… and the resentment that comes with it… the self loathing that one inevitably must begin to harbour because its our fault we couldnt keep up or maybe, just maybe its other peoples fault for planting that seed of delusion inside of us that we’re meant for greatness and then the bar is set too high and its not our fault we couldn’t rise up to the challenge or that that weight was put on our shoulders… and somehow giving up on that greatness feels liberating, like rebellion. i’ll become the best midfielder in the world. everyone expected him to become the best striker in the world yet he realised he didn’t have what it takes to be it, he wasn’t good enough. so he rebels so he can feel in control again. he’s shutting down other people’s (rin’s) expectations for him. he’s letting go of that weight. he wants to become the best midfielder because that is something thats within reach, that is something he can control. and i can imagine just how freeing that might’ve been for sae hence why he didn’t want rins dream to rely on him.

[go6jo]

HELLOOOO MY LOVE I'M BACKKKK HOW ARE YOUUUU??? hope you've been doing absolutely fantastic<3

-🍒

omg girly hiiiiii how are YOU!!! hows life been treating you: how did the surgery go, hows med school, tell me everything!!!! which 2d character has been on your mind lately 😼😼

[go6jo]

hey :( you haven't been active in a while, i hope everything's going ok!

love, as if it were carved in stone is one of my all time favorite pieces (on tumblr and beyond) it's so beautifully written and tender and true to suguru in every way... it's a fic that has brought me so much comfort over the last few months. also i love your characterization of him in general! just wanted to lyk! take care!

hii kittyy! thank you so much for your kind words, im so grateful to return to such a thoughful message ehe. that piece was truly comforting to write and suguru is a character that i have found solace in so many times before so im so truly happy that i got to share some of it with you :)

everything’s alright and i hope the same goes for you! kiss kiss ˙˚ʚ(´◡`)ɞ˚˙

[go6jo]

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

[go6jo]

Just discovered your account from the for you tab and gods!!

Your suguru is just so lovingly soft and divine, the post where you describe him as Ares has me frothing at the mouth and wanting to write something akin to an iliad simply for him.

And the way you write is just *chef's kiss*. I can't get enough of it. It's something like the feeling of warmth you get when laying on the bed in the middle of winter on a lazy Sunday, when you know you have time to lounge about in the warmth.

But like...cuddling with sugu would be too notch.

thats the suguru effect i believe 😭 i look at him and suddenly theres a sheet of paper on my desk and a pencil in my hand. hes like. my muse. i recently watched the new episode where they show the close up shots of his hair, then his hands, his feet and his eyes and i just. hes so SO beautiful and the suguru in my head is so good and gentle and delicate, the way he’d been if nothing bad happened. i truly believe that he’s got the most tender heart, he’s very sensible and that was his downfall. i think about him and there’s so much i want to say and nothing comes out quite right at the same time NSHDISDJSDUSIDHXHJDS he makes me feel all warm inside so im glad to hear that i manage to get some of that warmth across to you. <3

[go6jo]

oh no cigarettes for me thanks i just wanted to be in this dank alleyway with you

[go6jo]

Bonus points if after hearing suguru say all that you say yes confidently when he asks if you're still on the pill even though you stopped taking it months ago. I mean how pretty would you look all swollen up because you're carrying a child; his child. Suguru couldn't possibly resist then, could he?

THIS IS SO TOXIC AND SO UNREALISTIC BUT YOU KNOW HDSHS

Nvm man I can't defend myself anymore 😭😭

CONTEXT SHUT UPPPPPP !! SHUT!!! UPPPPPP!!! like you'd give it to him soooo good, trying so desperately so make him stay. you'd have him lie on his back as he watches you put in all the work, proving to him that you're worth it, that he won't regret it if he stays, that you could make him so happy, could satisfy him - make him forget all about his problems. and he finds your desperation amusing really, because he's far too gone, you have a wanted criminal in your bed, you're kneeled in between the legs of murderer, his hand tangled in your hair as he gazes down at you, proped up on his elbows to take in the sinful sight that you are and he didn't know you had it in you to look this obscene, teary eyed and struggling to take him all in - to be this dirty, drooling all over him. it's like the idea of him being gone has suddenly awakened something in you, you who'd always been so hesitant to initiate sex with him, counting on him for guidance always, only whispering a bashful need you, ru when your head is resting on his lap during movie night and letting him take matters into his own hands, leaving it to him to do the rest, to take care of your needs as he lets his hand slide under the hem of your pijama shorts and you're left to bury your face on the warmth of his naked stomach, struggling to maintain eye contact when he tells you you sound so pretty or when he asks you god, baby. wanna tell me what you were thinking about? because you're soaking through the fabric of your panties. you, who'd always let your index finger dance on his thigh as you lay on his stomach in bed, getting fidgety instead of letting him know you want him, begging silently, hoping he'll know what you're asking for and suguru complies as he takes your wandering hand in his bigger one and moves it to rest atop the bulge on his boxers, go on, baby, guiding your hand up and down to help you stroke him and he'd always be vocal to encourage you, to let you know you make him feel so good, that you make a mess out of him. you turn him on so much with your timid nature but when you're kneeled before him like this, looking this debauched, he wonders if you'd always been like this yet too shy to show him this side of you, this side that's so eager, so ready to please.

"you want me to stay, baby?" and you only nod at him, thats all you can do really when your mouth is already so full of him "yeah? how bad do you want it?" and you could barely breathe properly anymore but your lips slide further down his lenght until your nose hits his pelvis, dutifully swallowing him whole, all of him, and there's hope swelling in your chest, proud as you watch his head swing backwards as it hits the headboard, the muscles of his abdomen contracting and the grip on your hair getting tighter as he drags out a low fuuuck, his other hand threads through his hair, pushing the strands that stick to his forehead backwards. you peak at him through your lashes, he’s a heavenly sight, swollen lips slightly parted as breathy moans escape through them, he's panting - completely lost in pleasure. its somewhat unconcious, the way he starts chasing after his high, the hand on the back of your head pushing you further down until you feel him hit the back of your throat. you inevitably choke around him which throws you into an uncontrollable coughing fit that delays his release “sorry.” you rest your cheek against his thigh and his brows furrows as he sits up on the matress, landing a slap on your ass that is way too conveniently bent up in the air “you’re so fucking good to me, baby” suguru bends down to kiss your temple then holds your face in his hands, forcing you to sit back on your knees as his thumb keeps stroking your cheek. “then stay. we’ll figure it out, ru.” you look him in the eye, giving him no way out. “i think it’s a little too late for that, princess”

oh.

so he fooled you. he came here and he fooled you into thinking that you could save him, that he wasn’t broken beyond repair, that you could make him stay when, really, he never came knocking on your door to beg for salvation, he never really wanted to be saved. lust. he only came as a sinner and not as one looking to repent but, instead, as one looking commit yet another sin. you feel betrayed.

“c’mon. ride it, baby.” he’s kissing down your neck and you’re numb, staring blankly ahead of you, thinking about all the ways you could’ve made him stay but you didn’t, thinking of all the ways you weren’t enough, desperately searching your head for something, anything that could make him change his mind. “make me cum really good like only you know how to do it, yeah? do it so i won’t forget. we might not be seeing each other for a while”

so you make one last effort. you ride him, you do it like it’s the last time you’ll ever do it, you start off slow, sensual, swallowing his moans as you kiss him tenderly, his hands are under your thighs, helping you set the pace, your chest is squeezed against his, your nipples brushing against his with every tempting roll of your hips and you’re both way too sensitive this deep into the night, every gentle touch eliciting a moan that is higher, needier than the latter, his head falls backwards revealing the skin of his throat to you and you nibble on his adam apple which makes him smile amidst a groan before holding his index and middle finger up to your mouth “suck.” now smiling down at you, a dangerous glint in his eyes. you're whining around his fingers, your movements getting more erratic as things begin to take a sudden turn. suguru is moaning shamelessly on your ear, thrusting up into you, chasing after the high he's been craving ever since he walked through your door, hands gripping your hips and teeth sunk into your shoulder as your nails claw onto his and its rough, it's needy on both ends and so messy. "wanna cum with me, baby?" he manages to choke out the words in between heavy breaths and you've long since lost the ability to speak as he keeps on thrusting up into you with reckless abandon, you don't say anything, only moaning uncontrollably, but he knows you're close from the way your body is starting to get tense in his embrace, so his hand reaches down between your legs to add on to the pleasure he’s giving you and you're shaking in his arms - you've long since lost control but it's always been like this with him, it's always so easy to submit to him, to give in to him, to let him take control over you. "cum." and you do, as if waiting for him to guide you, like he always does. he cums with a kiss to your forehead, eyes tightly shut as he presses his lips harder against your skin to try to supress the loud groan that threatens to escape past his throat and you have half a mind to wrap your legs tightly around his waist, keeping him buried deep inside you - refusing to let him go and he doesn’t make much of an effort to pull away from you anyways. "god, baby." he hisses as you begin to move your hips again, leaving sloppy kisses on his jaw "just give me a minute and we can go again."