greater-than-neurons

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going to therapy is so humiliating. gotta explain symptoms like I know how this sounds and I know what you’re gonna say. and the therapist is like it sounds like you’re having symptoms

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if i'm being 100% honest I don't think anyone who isn't disabled tries to get disability i legitimately do not believe it. "x amount of people make false claims" no, x amount of people who make claims are declared not disabled by the government, an institution that doesn't give a shit about disabled people and wants to find any reason to deny us assistance. if somebody goes through the effort of applying for ssi, which isn't a simple process, just for the CHANCE to get a max of $794 a month (but likely less.) and not even be able to save that money up. they are genuinely struggling with something. nobody would choose this if they had other reasonable options

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Ehimeora

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17 year-old Juliane Koepcke was sucked out of an airplane in 1971 after it was struck by a bolt of lightning. She fell 2 miles to the ground, strapped to her seat and survived after she endured 10 days in the Amazon Jungle.

After ten days, she found a boat moored near a shelter, and found the boat's fuel tank still partly full. Koepcke poured the gasoline on her wounds, an action which succeeded in removing the maggots from her arm. Out of 93 passengers and crew, Juliane was the only survivor of the LANSA flight 508 crash that took place December 24th, 1971.

🔗Her story in her own words: https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17476615

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Hey. Don't support The Crowded Room. I don't care if Tom Holland is involved or not, Dissociative Identity Disorder (otherwise known as Multiple Personality Disorder, although that's an old diagnosis that doesn't even exist anymore) is a highly stigmitised mental disorder that is heavily linked to trauma, and media villianising the disorder is extremely harmful for systems everywhere. Don't give it your attention, don't give it your money. We do not need another Split.

Edit: Singlets (non-systems) have no right to talk over me, a system, here. Doing that will result in being blocked. You all may interact, but don't comment on it

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unpopular opinion: mental illness can make people behave in extremely toxic and sometimes even abusive or manipulative ways. relationships and friendships with mentally ill people can be extremely difficult, unpleasant, or even harmful. though this may not be intentional and i have sympathy for those who struggle with this, other people are allowed to remove themselves from your life for their own happiness and sanity. they are not bad people for this. the idea that someone *has* to stay with you while you heal or help fix you is wrong, people are allowed to prioritise themselves. it’s on you to seek therapy and heal. being mentally ill doesn’t give you a pass to behave in toxic ways and hurt others.

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I see a lot of its never too early to ask for help posts so heres a its never too late post

even if you think you deserved what happened to you

even if it has been happening for months or years

even if youre used to it

even if youve tried to get help before and failed

even if your already recovering from a long downward spiral

even if you think its normal/you can endure it

even if youre mental health is inconsistent and youre used to dealing with it alone

even if it happened a long time ago

a helping hand never hurts

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i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

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I literally cannot overstate how important creative hobbies are when dealing with mental illness. If you can’t draw, there are coloring books. If you can’t write a novel, you can write in short journaling bursts. If you can’t sing in the shower, you can listen to music. Sometimes with mental illness it feels like we have this dark presence inside of us that is bumping around in our brain and organs, causing problems. It helps immensely to let it out.

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I wish people understood how difficult it is to perform any basic task with chronic pain. I also wish people understood that adhd is, in part, an issue with motivation and task initiation. Dragging yourself out of bed, or into the shower, or into any other monumental daily task is nearly impossible. Unfortunately it has to be lived moment by moment and that strength has to be summoned up every single time any little thing needs to be done.

Once you’ve started it remains a battle. It’s pretty damn hard to focus on anything in front of you when searing pain is at the forefront of your senses. It’s all you can think about. Your already low threshold for sensory input is pushed well beyond its limit on a constant basis, making even the simplest things like dim lights and quiet voices nearly unbearable.

It leaves you generally feeling dissociative and unaccomplished. The rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) kicks in and you feel extra guilty about not being anywhere close to your best. Adhd can make it easy to make and overlook mistakes and you feel like you have absolutely zero margin for error because you have such limited energy to spend and having your effort end in disappointment (to yourself or others) is demoralizing at best.

A lot of the therapy solutions for adhd are related to routine building, which can be destroyed on a whim based on fluctuating pain levels.

In short, it’s rough out here folks

I really want to talk about the intersection between chronic pain, autism and ADHD because it really does create a unique set of problems which have contradictory/impractical/non-existent accessibility solutions. It's infuriating.

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the older I get, the more I realise how important it is to speak out about things. to share your experiences. because by doing so, other people may share their experiences, things they didn’t think they were allowed to talk about or would be judged for. you never know what someone else is going through, and sometimes it can be so reassuring to meet someone who has been through something similar. for them to say I’ve got through this, and I know that you will too