grinseekatzee - Tumblr blog

[grinseekatzee]

Manchmal habe ich das Gefühl ich gebe so viel wirklich so unglaublich viel, alles was ich geben kann und in meiner Macht steht, an jeden Menschen den ich in meinen Herzen trage und liebe. Bekomm aber nix zurück und mit der Zeit merke ich wie kaputt mich diese Aufopferung macht und wie viel Kraft mich das eig kostet. Dennoch komme ich von dieser Gewohnheit nicht weg weil ich Angst habe als egoistisch und selbstsüchtig dargestellt zu werden und weil diese Sachen mich als Person ausmachen und diese Eigenschaften meinen Charakter zu dem machen der ich bin. Außerdem gönne ich es auch jeden einzeln weil ich weis wie es ist nix zu haben oder zu besitzen und von niemandem die Unterstützung zu bekommen die man eig verdient und nötig hat. Am Ende bin dennoch ich die zurück bleibt.

[grinseekatzee]

Having friends that feel like Family is a blessing

[grinseekatzee]

I spent my childhood being an andult because the adults in my life were acting like children.

[grinseekatzee]

Just because i can handle it doesn‘t mean I deserve it.

[grinseekatzee]

And after all the pain u caused me, i had to accept the fact that i will never hear an apology from you bc for u, u did nothing wrong and i think that‘s just a different kind of pain.

[grinseekatzee]

Dear mum,

can we just be honest? I was never as bad as you made me out to be. You just needed me to be bad… so you could justify how badly you treated me.

[grinseekatzee]

I just wish i could cry in my mums arms but that isn‘t the relationship we have.

[grinseekatzee]

I ignore the pain instead of feeling it.

[grinseekatzee]

I keep my Problems most of the time too myself cause no one can fix them. What are you gonna do?Tell me you understand? Say it gets better? My soul is tired bro. You can‘t help me.

[grinseekatzee]

As my mother and I argued, I told her for the first time that I was suffering from depression. Her answer was „why I'm going to the victim role now.“

[grinseekatzee]

Today was better than yesterday.

[grinseekatzee]

Hanging out with friends is my way of escaping depression.

[grinseekatzee]

When people ask if I‘m going to be okay that they left but I cut my own dad out of my life.

[grinseekatzee]

Finding a group of friends that did not feel like judged me and that I didn‘t feel like you know, that didn‘t make me feel small,dumb or not to be welcome or worthless. Finding a group of friends like that really helped me to be that human being I‘m right now. I‘m really thankfull to have them in my life because they make it worth living.

[grinseekatzee]

The Person who supposed to Love me More than anything ….

[grinseekatzee]

At the end of the day, I‘m a good person. I‘m not perfect by any means but my intentions are good, my heart is pure and I love with everything I have. So because of those things, I‘m worth it. I always have been and always will be.

[grinseekatzee]

I‘ll Never understand how my mum could see me come out of my room one time everyday for months straight with tears and constant sadness written all over my face, never eating not enjoying the things I loved, never taking showers, sleeping all day long and barley making ist through the day and still yell about me not cleaning something of theirs. It‘s funny how they Never cared and Never asked if I was okay or how I was doing.