hellanabelle

[hellanabelle]

I don’t know why I feel like I’m already behind.

I’m eighteen. That’s supposed to mean beginning.

But it feels like everything already started

and no one told me.

I watch people choosing.

Cities. Partners. Futures. Words.

And I stand there, quiet.

Not frozen just unsure which noise is mine.

They say there’s time.

The older ones say it a lot.

Maybe they’re right.

But I live so high.

I feel so much,

I dream so loudly,

I put pressure on my own chest without even meaning to.

And sometimes, I really believe

that even if I had a full lifetime,

I still wouldn’t be able to do everything I long for.

Maybe I waited too long to want something loudly.

Maybe I wanted too many things in silence,

so none of them knew how to find me.

Everything feels slightly out of reach.

Like being in a room where the conversation just ended.

Too late to join.

Too early to leave.

There’s no drama in this.

Just… a hum.

Like a train that already left

and the station’s still warm.