hellenistic-facts-machine - Tumblr blog

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To those reading... I've been fighting a terminal illness and it appears I am close to the end. Thank you for following this blog. I appreciate everyone who saw the posts and got a good laugh out of them. Don't forget that these are real facts and that the Gods love all of you. I love all of you, too. One last fact -- Hermes' favorite song is Funkytown. Play it and you will make Him smile. Good night ❤️

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I don't know who needs to hear this but...

The Gods love you.

They love you when you smile.

They love you when you cry.

They love you even if you have a hard time noticing them.

They love you and are with you.

They love you both when you're feeling down or when you're feeling like your on top of the world.

They love you even if you haven't prayed in a while or can't pray.

They love you when you haven't made any offerings in a while or can't make them.

They love you even if you forget about festivals or don't participate in them.

They love you when you reconstruct in your practice and they love you when you don't.

They love you even if you have doubts.

They love you when you can't get out of bed.

They love you when you're batteling your own thoughts.

They love you when you find it hard to take care of yourself.

They love you when you've fallen and they'll help you get back up.

They love you when you struggle and they see you.

They love you when you think you are not enough but you are enough to them just as you are.

They love you, value and recognise you as a beautiful, unique being that you are.

The Gods love you even when you can't love yourself.

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brb gotta go to olympus to get more facts

bitches been holding out on Me 🙄 see you later hopefully :L

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Eros is learning to play the guitar

You’d think it’s so He can impress the ladies, but it’s actually to please the ones He already has 💖

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Because Christianity is the most common religion, a lot of beginner practitioners think the gods are wrathful. They really really are not.

The gods are patient and gentle and kind. You’re going to make mistakes and mess up when practicing Hellenic Polytheism. I know I did many times. You don’t need to fear their wrath, they aren’t here to scare you into respect.

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When Dionysos is passed out at a party, Aphrodite is the designated bartender 🍸

She likes dry martinis with extra olives (mostly for Herself)

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artemis loves dirty jokes

She may be a virgin goddess, but that doesn’t mean She’s allergic to them

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Athena likes Steven Universe

Why? Why???? 1) lesbians 2) rocks 3) lesbian rocks 4) everyone has FEELINGS and they CRY about it 5) She vibes with Garnet on a literal spiritual level

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Hephaestus plays Mario Kart

He always gets His ass beat by a dark horse god named [REDACTED]

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Kingdom Hearts holds the true secrets to the occult

The Left Hand Path? Hah! All you need to know is light, darkness, and hearts “I know now, without a doubt, that witchcraft is LIGHT!” - Sora Kingdomhingdom

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King Zeus loves whales

They are big, majestic, elegant creatures that live as families and that are, direct quote, “beautiful and innocent.”

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mercury is in reverse cowgirl again

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If the Gods are having drama, you won’t find it on TikTok

They may argue and mishaps can happen, but it is not enough to radically change the way that worship works. They’re very flexible for Their followers 💪

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"If only Zeus kept it in his pants—"

Me: Yeah, I also hate how the Kings and ancient governments commissioned mythological stories about their own birth, lineage or general ties tracing them back to Zeus in order to scare their subjects into obedience with ancient propaganda while also disregarding how their mothers felt about looking helpless since women back then had no say and over time their propaganda became apart of Zeus's canon that people forget he was constantly being used by ancient politics in the same way that modern politicians use God and the Bible to pass legislations that negatively affect the masses.

If the myth is about a demigod (with the exception of Dionysus because his origins as a god are complicated) there's a very high chance it was once used as ancient propaganda.

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I see a lot of polytheists deciding that the notion that the gods may love us is a “Christian mindset” and They don’t “owe” us that. But just because They don’t owe us any warm feelings doesn’t mean it’s so unrealistic that the gods may actually have warm feelings in regards to a species that They have been coexisting with, actively helping, and watching grow for centuries.

I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that They do more than simply tolerate us.

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Cerberus is not just one dog

There’s three Doberman pinschers and They’re beautiful lady hounds with several tiny litters

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Queen Hera loves Her husband

She doesn’t mind any of His romances in the slightest, open relationships are King (Zeus)