hidingbehindyou

[hidingbehindyou]

I miss the nights i laid on the floor floating above my unconscious body. The state in which being high felt closer to God, i miss the taste of liquor, the instant relief, the sigh after the rush of snorting a line of powdery substance. The blade that hit the plate, a familiar silvery face

I hate confrontation, communication.

Everyone wants a piece of me, i have a hard time saying no. I have a hard time putting others needs before my own.

I hate the way people make me fucking feel all the time, the way it makes me not want to feel at all.

[hidingbehindyou]

Im a terrible girlfriend.

Ive never been very good at relationships… i have a hard time staying consistent. Sometimes i can give it my all but others i can barely give any. Im lazy when it comes to trying to make people feel special when i am hyper focused on something that i feel like serves myself….

I feel so selfish, self centered. I dont have any compassion for myself much less anyone else. Overworked, underpaid, underappreciated.

Its never going to be good enough. Ill never be good enough

[hidingbehindyou]

[hidingbehindyou]

My brain is scrambled eggs and grief is hitting me so hard today. I hate everything and nothing all at the same time. I want to be alone and want someone to hold me. This is such an isolating feeling.

[hidingbehindyou]

[hidingbehindyou]

“Don’t let your struggle become your identity.”

— Unknown

[hidingbehindyou]

Some of you guys have never burned a CD and it shows

[hidingbehindyou]

“listen to your body” what if my body says do whatever you want all the time

[hidingbehindyou]

yes sex is great but have you ever had someone fall in love with your personality and be so damn in love with you simply just for being you.

[hidingbehindyou]

I am madly in love and its only been a month 😅😭😭😭

[hidingbehindyou]

All i ever wanted was just someone to be kind to me, to understand me, see me. Love me gently. She truly is an angel sent to me, my prayers may have finally been answered.

[hidingbehindyou]

Find a lover who says “I see your trauma, and I know you are so much more than your experiences.” That kind of love and support that helps you heal, grow, thrive.

[hidingbehindyou]

[hidingbehindyou]

[hidingbehindyou]

Im trying so hard to savor every bite, but im gluttonous when shes around me, and when she leaves i crave more. I want to devour her skin, and taste her sweetness. She nourishes my mind and soul, starvation was all i had even know.

[hidingbehindyou]

i yearn for her lips on mine the way that the sand anticipates a crashing wave, when the water washes over the land the ocean calls her name. I see her ship float away in the distance, having to maintain my resistance. I will stay near, hoping to hear her voice wash over me like a soft breeze, i have sailed across the sea. Attempting to find buried jewels, only being left with fools gold.

I was at the end of my rope, until she gave me a glimmer of hope.

If she made a declaration of her infatuation, i would invoke my emotions and share my devotion. Making a solemn oath to walk beside her on the windy road. Her smile would make me pray to be with her for eternity.

[hidingbehindyou]

i cant help but submerge myself into romanticizing our lives together. I dipped my foot in to test the water and before i knew it was happening i just fell into it. I want to learn how to float-instead of sink, and with her gentle hands i feel she might be the only one who could bring me to the surface.

“Love is not an emotion. It is your very existence.

Love is not about posssession, Love is about appreciation.”