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homo-walrus · 5 years ago

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love can’t save you: a pete/mikey otp post (i’m so sorry about this)

“and you imagine yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing, and for me it was always with you”

or, the fraternal order of the handsome boy: a tale of summer and woe

or, the summer of like: you know what? the summer of fuck you both, that’s what

or, buy a fucking tub of ice-cream, ten boxes of tissues and wear black

or, pete wentz wouldn’t know subtlety if it hit him over the head with his own fucking bass

or, okay i could go on, but this is basically a (hopefully) comprehensive and mostly chronological timeline of the widely speculated ~~~relationship~~~ between pete wentz and mikey way: aka they were boyfriends and this is why (pretty sure 98% of bandom agrees that pete/mikey were canon but for the other 2% WARNING: SUPER TINHATTY)

~*~

Pete and Mikey is a strange one, because the evidence is kind of overwhelming and not a lot of people doubt it existed in some capacity? I mean, let’s be fucking real here. But there actually aren’t a whole lot of photos of them together (there’s a reason but we’ll get to that). So basically, this is going to be less picspammy and more WORDY. But we like words, right? PETE REALLY LIKES WORDS SO YOU SHOULD TOO.

(PSA: a lot of the info here I have had compiled since I was a teenager circa 2005/06 - to everyone asking for links to the original posts: most of the journals do not exist anymore. It’s possible they are archived somewhere but if they are, I don’t know where. I have them saved in a word document.)

Anyway:

~*~

THE BEGINNING

Pete and Mikey allegedly met as early as 2003 when My Chemical Romance played the Fireside Bowl in Chicago; I don’t remember where I read this anymore, but HeyChris apparently alleged that he, Pete and Joe watched their show. But we have zero evidence of concrete friendship at this point, just that they had MET. Both bands then played side-stages at Warped Tour 2004, but there wasn’t any overlap.

Though the bands only vaguely mentioned each other at this point in time, and while there were no real references to Mikey from Pete, Pete started to throw My Chem lyrics into his Q&A answers. So, there’s that. Now, this is where things get super interesting. On April 16th 2005, Mikey was spotted at the Fueled by Ramen show at House of Blues (Orlando, FL), watching Fall Out Boy. He was also wearing the famous WHITE DENIM JACKET, which actually belongs to Pete (as far as I know, anyway). So it’s probably safe to assume that they were friends at this point.

ALSO it’s around this period that SWEET LITTLE DUDES (♥) in relation to Pete and Mikey surfaced! Also interesting to note that the term had been used by both Mikey and Gerard in Bullets-era which sort of means Mikey allowed Pete to take it and make it theirs. That’s my interpretation anyway, whatever.

SO, Mikey and Pete are in a gang called ‘Sweet Little Dudes’ which consists of just the two of them because they are dumb, adorable losers. (Actually, they’re in another gang too, which again only consists of the two of them. But that one is less fun. And they are in a band named after a cereal together. No, really.) And Pete really doesn’t like you to forget it. For one, he made an actual shirt, A SHIRT:

And two: he referenced it, well, a lot. In fact it became his fucking default answer just DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT ME. Fall Out Boy website Q&As in which Pete references MCR and/or Sweet Little Dudes:

Q: We want to have sex with Gerard Way. And I mean full blown pumping his gas while he is handcuffed to the bed sex. Care to hook a couple of sistas up? A: me and mikey way have a gang called The Sweet Little Dudes. you might see us on warped tour.

Q: After your show in Des Moines, during all of the picture taking, squealing, and autograph signing, I took a picture with you (Pete). Upon realizing I was far too tall, I made a comment along the lines of “I am an ogre” or something like that, and you responded in a very sweet way. Anyway, to my question- what is your ideal height for a girl? A: i have always kind of been a little dude (hence our gang sweet little dudes)- i have no ideal height for a girl. i have dated girls taller and shorter than me. my favorite is the same size so we can share clothes but i’ll take a tall lady if she’ll spoon me and keep me warm at night.

Q: Pete, kisses on the forehead or kisses in the rain? A: kisses on the forehead are for grandmas and sick kids. in the rain. “im so dirty babe”

Q: Pete, whats your take on Jersey?… oh and whos your favorite band ever to come out of jersey? A: i love new jersey and jersey girls have cute accents. favorite jersey bands in order: bon jovi springsteen lifetime old savestheday my chemical romance the early november new saves the day midtown

Q: are there any bands fob fights with? you know, like a 50 cent ja rule type of thing? A: yeah… why else do you think my chemical romance wears bullet proof vests? cause we aim ourz gatz at they facez

Q: peter, would you ever date someone 13 years younger then you? or at least be friends with them? p.s you are hot and i love you A: i don’t want to go to jail. im little and i think i would get passed around like a pack of cigarettes. but thank you that is really sweet. i don’t really want to do pushups in a drag…

Q: For real, do you and my chemical romance not get along? If so, this is upsetting A: no, actually they are some of our best friends, me and mikey have a gang called “the sweet little dudes”. that was a joke hence all the use of words with “z” instead of “s”

Q: I have a favor to ask. Could you pretty please thank My Chemical Romance for me?! during there set at the tweeter, some asshole punched my friend corey in the ribs w/brass knuckles. gerard noticed him on the floor and the band stopped playing & didnt start again until they were sure he was out safe on a stretcher. anywho… you guys rocked the other day. and the crowd was the best of all the ones i was in throughout the day. everyone was definitly looking out for each other. and it was just… awesomely rad. its tru… theres nothing like driving towards the skyline. A: i think we’re gonna have to set up a seperate q and a just for our my chem questions and requests. good thing they are good friends of ours… and thanks for the nice words.

Q: How do you feel about being nominated for the MTV2 awarad? How do you feel about being nominated along with your friends My Chemical Romance? A: we’re excited that our fans like the video and we are happy for my chem… just a little sibling rivalry but it is all in good fun…

Q: did mikey rub it in your face that they were number 1 on trl on friday? A: me and mikey are in a gang called the sweet little dudes. there is no competition. we are happy when our friends are doing well.

~*~

BAMBOOZLE

During Bamboozle festival in ‘05, both FOB and My Chem played in Jersey, and Mikey was seen to be side-stage or close by watching FOB play. Pete also had a Livejournal (because Pete has basically had every fucking blog known to man at some point in his life), and it was not too long after Bamboozle, in May of '05 that he updated listing the things that got him “hot and bothered”, two of which were:

1. having a crush on a person I speak to near daily 2. White denim jackets

WHITE DENIM JACKETS GUYS ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.

~*~

THE SUMMER OF LIKE

Here we fucking go. Take a deep breath or something. I don’t know, kids. Whatever. Nothing can help you now anyway.

IT WAS THE SUMMER OF 2005…

FOB and MCR played the same stage on Warped Tour in 2005, also known by many as the SUMMER OF LIKE. Or alternatively: the summer Pete Wentz and Mikey Way fell in love. There were a few fan reports of Mikey watching FOB side-stage but nothing really until Pete started posting in his blogspot. This is where it gets real fun.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Amazing new mexico sunset. I’m hanging on a bridge with my friend mikey way from my chem. Its all orange and pink above us. We went to another waterpark again. I love high fives again. Totally back in love. Saw the most amazing movie… I think its called spirited away. Watch it. Peterpan

***

TOTALLY BACK IN LOVE. And then, not too long after that, on July 4th (aka Petekey Day), he posted an entry which ends with: hot and miserable but totally in love.

You could not make this shit up. So after that there’s a long succession of entries from Pete in which he is incredibly cryptic:

Thursday, July 7, 2005

hey beauties. hotness on warped tour. checking in. just stealing an internet signal from our friends in My Chem. speaking of, we are really excited to have them on the TRL countdown with us! good music is taking over again (…) i heart leslie simon. go listen to maximo park before you fall asleep. it will make you smile and miss someone/something you love. “i sleep with my hands across my chest and dream of you with someone else…” keep on living (forever). xo peter

***

Note: the Maximo Park song he is referencing here is called ‘Going Missing’, and you can listen to it here, and also read the rest of the lyrics if you so desire. Read it as you will, kids.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Soooo its been a dramafree summer so far which is amazing. Almost as good as swimming pools and sleepovers. I’m watching the notebook does that make me sucky? Circle y or n. I need to take a shower. Nobody likes a dirty boy.

***

Friday, July 15, 2005

Though I am over hearing your thoughts on haircuts and pants. I’m over us trying to be perfect tens for your little eyes. We don’t care what you think of us. Listen to a song and time your heartbeat. Let it be okay to fall asleep slow tonight. Think about a good friend. Think about god. Think about death. Think about someone elses hand clumsily on your belt in the dark. Think it will be okay. No more rants No more poetry Not tonight. True love for the believers. Thank you. Keep on l i/o ving. posted by: peterpumpkineater

***

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Sometimes when you’re feeling this blue the right smile can save you. posted by: peter

***

Collective “awwww” for that last one please. So at some point between these entries, Pete also posted at his Fueled by Ramen journal:

July 19, 2005

wrote you a goodbye note (you just wrote me off) on your arm when you passed out. bestfriends, exfriends- better off as lovers not the other way around. racing through the city in the back of yellow checkered cars. the takeoffs are the worst but the skin from your shoulder to your ear makes it all worth it. and im sorry the way my moods flicker on and off like old light on your porch, but i know you wouldn’t have it any other way. sneaking in your window instead of out. the way you hold a cigarette cause you don’t know what to do with your hands when we are sitting this close. the way the waists of pants feel better at the ankles. the way you always were my best excuse for calling in sick on everyone else. i miss you. petey

***

STOP THE RIDE I WANT TO GET OFF.

This entry later became the infamous song Bang the Doldrums on FOB’s album Infinity on High (we’ll get to that album later). What’s super interesting is to note the differences between what it was originally to the lyrics of the song. Because there are a few note-worthy differences, the first being that lipstick was added into it (i wrote a goodbye note in lipstick on your arm…) which is widely speculated to have been added to make it sound like he is talking about a girl. The latter part about ‘the waists of pants feel better at the ankles’ also wasn’t part of the song. The implications are there.

The best (or worst) part about this fucking soul-destroying song is that it was originally titled Summer of Like, which Pete briefly mentioned in a Rolling Stone interview (which I now can’t find, go figure), thus the fandom term is CANON. How about no.

And finally:

July 21, 2005

[…]

you/we are safe and (se)cure. no more stealing glances like a thief.. taking chances without giving them back. and maybe i take advantage of that by staring too long. but if you wanted the stars i wouldn’t rest until i was able to pull every one down and name one after each twinkle in your eyes.. and hope you don’t frown when we run out of stars. i just love that spark of light i get to see when all the other lights are out. you have the best smile even better than mine. this is for your memories section, this is for forever. we’re kissing our dreams goodbye cause who needs dreams when we have this. we’re risking everything and nothing could be more worth it. i guess my point is, you make me want to fall in love and get stuck - haha.

***

July 26, 2005

lately i’ve been into believing fictional stories like the ones about me and you being happy. they’ve gotta be science fiction cause how else can you have a monster fall in love with a boy with no heart? actually i’m pretty sure you have a heart, but i’m just as certain it’ll never be mine. i can tell you’re willing to be loved somewhere on the inside but that doesn’t do me any good when i’m still seeing things through thick curtains over windows and padlocked doors on the outside. bitter regrets, predictable forfeits. we lit a fire that was nothing but smoke and hot air. ashes. my hands are empty and you hold all the cards, kind of funny how you don’t even want them/me. the final nail in my coffin stabbed me in the heart - from my back. you once made my heart skip a beat, now you make it want to skip this. you’ve got salty mails ripping my wounds open that you’re telling me to let heal. love is a mirage, you only think it’s there for so long..til you either wise up or die of hydration. love is the way to blow your brains out minus the gun, i swear. it’s the stupidest form of suicide cause you don’t die. and whatever doesn’t kill you only laughs at you for coming close enough to. sorry, it’s just the bitterness talking. ignore it/me. i’m just loose words hanging on the ends of your lips, even looser when i’m anywhere near your hips. poetry written from blistered fingertips and sleep deprived eyes that was better before the ink dried. he said, "i should have stayed with her,” and i should have stayed away. held together by paperclips and lies, a part of me is still trying to pretend i was (mis)hearing things but even the voices in my head aren’t that mean to me. and them “i’m sorry,” too late, i’m a better (re)actor than the one you’re being to convince me. i’m just convinced that telemarketers are the only people with more hangups than me. you called this before you knew the number, and hung up before you got a responce. tell me any of this will get me somewhere worth being without being left behind. i tried, i gave it/you my all, but all i can do is give up. i don’t tell you my insecurities so you can use them against me, but help me get over them. instead you said and did the worst thing you could do. worse than cheating to me, i hope you know. but whatever i don’t even know, i guess sometimes it takes losing what you had to see what you didn’t.

sooo yeah, this is where i actually admit i’m tired, and i go to bed. sweet. goodnight.

***

This: ‘fictional stories like the ones about me and you being happy’ is heartbreaking in about forty different ways. And this: ‘they’ve gotta be science fiction cause how else can you have a monster fall in love with a boy with no heart? actually i’m pretty sure you have a heart‘. He’s talking about a boy.

As mentioned previously, there are very few photos of Pete and Mikey together at Warped '05, or at all actually. According to fan reports they generally refused to have their photo taken together (take that how you wish). They were frequently seen walking the grounds together, however. And we know they spent time at waterparks together. Also, Mikey was often seen by the Clandestine (Pete’s clothing line) tent. In faaaaact, on the subject of Clandestine, Mikey wore it quite a bit:

But yeah, sadly we have very few pictures of them together at Warped. Except THESE (which are awful quality, but the fact that they exist is monumental):

Actually, I’m not sure where these are from. But Mikey snuggling Pete and breaking apart my heart is coolio. Here’s a photo of what appears to be the same night of Pete rocking Mikey’s glasses, for extra heartbreak!

We do however have photos of both bands on stage at Warped, and this is some good shit. During Warped '05, MCR and FOB enjoyed trading band members, which was really fun! Mikey would often fill in on bass for Pete so Pete could take his mic into the crowd. Pete also liked to sit and watch Mikey play a lot. No, seriously. He just likeD to sit there and watch his bOYFRIEND play, with a dumb smile on his face:

His face and expression and tiny legs are dumb and I want to punch myself in the face. He’s so enamoured.

Among the many fan reports of Mikey and Pete being seen together quite a whole lot at Warped, there was also this. Which, well:

“at my warped date i got there early in the morning and hung out by the fob bus because i wanted to get a pic with patrick and around 10 am the door opened and a very tired looking mikey stepped off with pete right behind him and they appeared to be holding hands until they saw the people around and they both refused to have their pictures taken together :[”

Which kind of really suggests Mikey spent the night on FOB’s bus. Also, um. Hand-holding, guys. HAND-HOLDING. what_makes_you_haha.mp3

Fan reports have also said that Pete was known to DEDICATE SONGS TO MIKEY while he was watching them play their set, and calling Mikey out on stage to dedicate a song to “Mikey Revenge.” One fan report said:

“Lastly, during Fall Out Boy’s set (they were one of the closing bands that night) they dedicated one of the songs to Mikey, who was watching from the side of the stage. Pete said, “This song is about revenge. Right, Mikey? Revenge!” Mikey smiled and nodded, and during “Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy” he mouthed along to all the words.”

God. Also note-worthy: Mikey’s Myspace then became ‘mikey revenge’ not a whole long after Warped. And as if this isn’t all sickening enough, Pete started wearing an ‘I ♥ REVENGE’ t-shirt, which he made for his Clandestine clothing line. I mean. Hahahaha… ha… no:

Pete also posted a vaguely (read: very) suggestive picture on his friendsorenemies account, which is interesting:

I WISH YOU WERE MY BASS NOT JUST MY FRIEND

Get the fuck out, Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III.

I’m sure you can all figure out the meaning for yourselves. This was also posted post-Warped when he and Mikey were no longer in the same place/together.

Also, there’s this:

August 19, 2005

Warped tour was fun. Since being home I remembered that showering and sleeping are fun too. My real feelings on the sunburst bass. I loved that thing. But then it started cheating on me with mikey way. I had to hit it. Its not my fault- spousal abuse is an ugly thing. I’m in therapy that includes playing lots of warcraft online. Writing messages on your arm for someone to see at a show is the new away message - stealing peoples real diary is the new livejournal.

***

Please note the ‘writing messages on your arm for someone to see at a show is the new away message’ and then direct your attention to these photos of Mikey:

*cough* Not saying a word. (Mikey Way is easy for Pete Wentz.)

Warped was a wild ride, kids. God.

~*~

POST-WARPED

In September of '05, Pete posted this:

September 4th, 2005

on the getaway car, the rush of blood to the head: it’s strange to find myself again back at the feelings of the blue cover after going through the red and the gold. its kind of always like that. i am sorry if i am not making any sense. but everybody likes to take chances and make bets. i always put my money on the longshots. and no matter where my head was in the world i always dreamed of waking up next to the biggest brown eyes i have ever seen/’meandyouunderneaththehoneymoon’. “go back to what it meant back then”: and you imagine yourself moving deep into the summer and disappearing, and for me it was always with you. and then things got crazy. you stopped calling me back. i stopped trying to call but not in my head. and then you got malicious but i’m guessing only because you learned from the best- take back your taste and all. i never thought it would be just me again. but that’s okay. we’re gonna hole up and wait it out. i feel like i can see for the first time, like i was born just in the last minute. wake me up. baby boy, you’re gonna be okay. hearts between our knees sticking to the summer sheets. are you catching my drift…. its gonna be alright. your love would be hell but its just not hot enough baby.

It is of course fucking cryptic, because cryptic is Pete’s default mode. But: mentions of summer (deep into the summer, and, knees sticking to the summer sheets), and the feeling of being blue again after the red and gold. Come on. Also, this: ‘meandyouunderneaththehoneymoon’ becomes ‘me and you, setting in a honeymoon’ in the song I’m Like a Lawyer with the Way I’m Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You).

***

U G H.

November 23rd, 2005

[…]

i wrote you a letter a few hours ago that i never intended to give you in the first place and then ripped it up and threw it away cause it’s much too personal to say on paper. even over a phone. the words i said in it i need to say to you in person. i guess it felt better to write it all out. it’s easy to say “i only need 5 seconds with you than a lifetime with someone else” than it is to live it. to be honest, i’m dying from it. “kiss me electric” vs “kiss me at all.” and when you do it’s just a kiss off. i’m really not ready for what you want from me, but with how you’re never around it makes me wonder what you really do want from me. honestly, it sure doesn’t feel like much. i said i’d be fine if you gave me a little note or a call once and a while, once a day even, just something to keep hanging onto, but you can’t even do that so yeah… i don’t know. am i being ridiculous? it’s just hard for me to keep going like this… my heart is lots easier to fool than me. i think that’s what makes this so hard.

***

December 2nd, 2005

[…] i love how i thought this was all over and i have to face the same two months replayed for the rest of my life. my head and heart are beating the shit out of me trying to see what hurts worse. kinda like us. yep. summer wasn’t hot enough but i had hope winter was gonna be the coolest. i obviously thought wrong. you and me are the last hot day in summer. we’re just fading before the fall.

***

Recurring summer imagery etc, and ‘the same two months replayed for the rest of my life’. Christ.

Then there was this:

asked by Meghan! on 2005-11-13 17:05:00 hey! i was just wondering, how good are you friends with mikey way?? answered by peter on 2005-11-13 17:07:00 me and mikey are not in just one gang together, we are in two: the sweet little dudes and the fraternal order of the handsome boy. i call him the duke of handsomeness.

Now, this is when their second gang that I mentioned previously, ‘the fraternal order of the handsome boy’, becomes very interesting. I think this is the first mention of it? But yes. Remember it, because it’s very important later.

At the end of 2005, just before Christmas, Mikey got engaged to guitar tech, merch seller and bassist, Alicia Simmons. Note however, that Alicia has said that she and Mikey were not together during Warped '05.

GOD BLESS HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE LORD etc. because on Feb 19th 2006 we suddenly got this little gem from Pete’s friendsorenemies journal:

God, please. S T O P T H I S.

Also, not quite as happy because that’s just how this ship rolls, from his Fueled by Ramen journal:

2/19/2006 - 4:02 AM EST

i feel like howl from howls moving castle embodies every single feeling that goes through my head. that is all. i am in the lobby of a hotel in new york city waiting for something that isn’t ever going to happen. i am calculating all of the legs and drunken stutters. i am precise. i am a machine. i am a hot mess. - petey

***

WAITING FOR SOMETHING THAT ISN’T EVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Oh, fuck this. The fact that this entry coincides with seeing Mikey again is, well, fucking suspicious at the least.

~*~

SAVED LATIN

About a month later on March 4th 2006, Mikey attended the Absolut Kravitz launch party in NYC with Pete and Joe (and probably others). The next day FOB played a secret show under the name: Saved Latin. During this show they brought Mikey onstage to play bass and sometimes I want to drown myself.

Pictures:

Then of course, we have the photo. THE FUCKING PHOTO. Which I fondly like to refer to as THE BOYFRIENDS PHOTO. Because seriously, this picture screams boyfriends:

No big deal.

HQ close up of above boyfriends photo. Also note-worthy: Mikey is wearing Clandestine fingerless gloves, which Pete has worn:

There’s an article on the secret show by MTV here for anyone interested, and also here is a short video of Mikey playing bass.

Also, sometime around this time, Pete’s Naked Pictures were leaked, which I am fairly sure we’ve all seen. Which brings us to the HeyChris Situation. Oh boy. HeyChris is an author and was Pete’s friend. You may or may not know of him from FOB’s Grenade Jumper (’Hey Chris, you were our only friend’ etc.). Though he swears he didn’t leak the Naked Pictures (if you want to read his view on the Naked Pictures matter, go to his livejournal and read the entries from March of '06), he did post an open letter to Pete (which I have somewhere if anyone wants it) in which he called Pete out on trying to steal his girlfriend/turning his girlfriend against him. But also there’s this:

you know the friends i have and you know how we feel about loyalty. you know who im talking about and you know they’re not happy either

Which on it’s own I wouldn’t flag, but then the Chris and Mikey pictures happened. Not too long after that, Chris posted again saying he’d “found a new love”, and then there were the pictures:

Following this, Pete put up a very angry away message (which a kind anon directed my way):

Pete was super angry. And Chris later that day claimed it was just a joke or something. It was all a bit of a mess.

The way I see it, Chris wanted to get back at Pete for his alleged attempt to steal his girlfriend. He did this by using Mikey, which implies that Chris viewed Mikey as someone who meant a great deal to Pete and someone that he perhaps had/has feelings for. Why Mikey agreed to this, I have zero clue. He might have been pissed too. BUT it has been stated by Chris that the photos were basically a fuck you to everyone who used the word gay as an insult. So, there’s that. And as far as I know, Mikey (and Alicia) is/was actually really good friends with Chris? So, who knows. Either the pictures were posted to get back at Pete or it was just really terrible timing. Or a little bit of both. Also, Mikey apparently defended Pete at his Myspace when the Naked Pictures were leaked.

Anyway. Speaking of away messages (but not of the angry kind this time), Pete liked to mention Mikey in them:

Pete also liked to take Mikey with him everywhere he went, in the form of a pin badge:

That coupled with the “LOVE CAN’T SAVE YOU” hoodie always makes me epically sad, gosh. Anyway.

There was also the Mickey Mouse they co-parented:

Now, buckle in. Because things are about to get rough.

~*~

THE DAYS OF DOOM AND GLOOM

In the summer of '06, a year after the Summer of Like, we got a string of interesting and heartbreaking journal entries from Pete at his blogspot. While we don’t really have any idea whether any of it’s to do with Mikey, I think mostly it all speaks for itself. I advise hand-holding and tissues for this. It’s a rough ride.

In May 2006, Pete wrote an entry (titled friends that lay together, stay together or how the thoughts in my head go, unfiltered) that began with this:

forgive me for not showing more remorse

apologies were never really my thing- outside of feeling sorry for myself. the last nail in your coffin got stuck in the mail. youre gonna have to wait. until then focus on love below the waist. they say your head can be a prison- consider this a conjugal visit.

A 'below the waist’ mention (not the first or last mention of it). For the love of God, Pete. Also, ‘head can be a prison- consider this a conjugal visit’ ends up in the song “The Take Over, The Breaks Over”. And then, from June 5th (Pete’s birthday) onwards, things get even more fucking bleak. There are a ton of entries from his blogspot from this time-period so I won’t post them all (if you want them all, let me know). But here are some of the particularly heartbreaking ones:

Monday, June 05, 2006

Stick around long enough and everyone becomes parody of themselves (see also: if it could happen to the egyptians if could happen to you).

[…]

you dont hate me, you hate the part of you that is like me. i cant sit here and ride my flaws until the end because the truth is i live the charmed life because of you and them. we are a gang. maybe its time to disband. im not sure i am thinking clearly but i just want you to know that i waited on you guys calls all night- they never came. i just wanted to say i miss you or im sorry or you know something that would have meant something to you. i would have made it poetic and memorable or at least something you could laugh at while drifting off to sleep. always trying to relive the glory days.

i dont care how poorly these sentences were constructed or how in the light of day i will wish i had not written them- right now i can only curse the fucking light off of this stupid western city because it wont ever get dark enough for sleep but otherwise how could you guide your way back here?

my head always feels warm right before i pass out, i always worry that there is something wrong and i wont wake up or you know i will. promise me that you wont take anything i ever say too seriously.

***

Friday, July 07, 2006

im so sorry, but not really. ('straighten up and die right’)

i said i want to be rebuilt like a frank lloyd wright only without all of the water damage. or painted over like a monet only less blurry. she said “no, youre something different”. like what? “something better”. it gave me the rush of warm blood like you see in cartoon dogs right before their eyes pop out and all of the bells go off. my head is spinning like a car off of an icy guardrail. show me what you are made of. your eyes were always rolling but youd tilt your head so they were somehow always still stuck on me (have your cake and eat it too). i feel safe but not like a bet more like the way mothers feel when the lock the car doors in bad neighborhoods. i am blue waves across the red rootlike veins in the bodies drawn flat in medical books. i wonder at the way that someone can write thousands and thousands of pages about my insides. when i met you i gave you a name- not your own- but in my head so i wouldnt ever mix you up with anyone so ordinary- i cant tell you- but to me it meant salvation. you only wanted reaction. but i cant be bothered. not anymore. ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left. wear your white veil and dont forget the words. warped tour. sun drenched days. bestfriends. new roads. so long salvation. dont worry your pretty little heads. i am sleeping safe tonight.

***

First of all: direct reference to Warped. Pete calls Warped his salvation. Which, ouch. Also, bear in mind this is an entire year later. Oh, Pete. Also note-worthy: ‘ill see you in the spring. first pew on the left’. Mikey married Alicia in Spring 2007.

I’m not going to sit and analyse every word because I feel it speaks for itself, but you get the idea. After that it only gets worse. Remember this that I mentioned before?:

Well, OH BOY. In July of '06, Pete posted this in his blogspot:

saturday, july 08, 2006

the fraternal order of the handsome boy.

ive been watching you from afar. my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the carcandy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding. ”youre the stranger ive been dreaming of”, stranger than any ive ever known. love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me. late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you to make you think of me the very same way i think of you. i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them. fireworks over the valley. how can i tell you i gut people for a living. that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history. over and over again. how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else. how i get paid to be humble and arrogant at the same time,to be chased and never caught. that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you. that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care. youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away. the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct. my head cant keep up. i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden. i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you. ”im blowing smoke rings around the moon….” i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.

***

I have tissues for anyone in dire need of them, take one and pass them the fuck on. With the post being titled the fraternal order of the handsome boy, and that being one of Pete and Mikey’s dumb gangs, I think we’re quite safe to assume that this is about Mikey. Also the line “I cast a spell on you to make you think of me the very same way I think of you” may sound familiar as it made it into the aforementioned song that is definitely about Mikey, aka Bang the Doldrums. ‘I cast a spell over the west to make you think of me, the same way i think of you.’

My fucking soul is bleeding. Then there was this:

friday, august 11, 2006

since j.t. is bringing sexy back, i guess i am out of a job. is borders hiring?

what is the opposite of amnesia? because that is what i have. sometimes i cant find my way around my memories. i have to take detours. i think you were the best one. its like it was never really going anywhere and alot of breakdowns but really it made for the best trip. its strange to land here and be completely out of place. but at the same time not really. never really felt like i understood anything anyone was saying anywhere so how different can this be? its like it always was. i have affection imprinted deep inside my head. its why i am always on the verge of love or giving up. or thats what i am convinced of today- tomorrow it will be something new. dear drugstore cowboy, the chemical balance is a bit off. its 7 am in california, 11pm in japan. but my head is always on central standard. how are you gonna get your way out of this one pete? baby you are a canary and i am a coalmine. the moon is out and its convincing me, it has me all kinds of crazy. maybe we’ll just go to sleep and wake up on the summer sheets i grew up on. because how could any of this be real.

“answer the phone, i know that youre home. i want to get you alone….”

***

The line 'baby you are a canary and i am a coalmine’ winds up in the song I’ve Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers. The canary and coalmine reference is, in a nutshell, implying that Pete is a coalmine, suffocating/poisoning the other person (the 'canary’).

Also interesting: note the mention of it being 11pm in Japan. Well, MCR were in Japan at the time (playing Summer Sonic in Osaka and Tokyo). Please end my life.

And finally:

sunday, august 27, 2006

plain jane and the boy next door.

there is one single pair of eyes that could ever decode any of this. put another “x” on the calendar. summer is on its deathebd. there is simply nothing worse than knowing the ending- that no matter what curve balls or uphill come your way- it still turns out the same. this year its stripes and pumps, last year it was dancefloors and you. she keeps talking, i keep staying the same. did you ever change your mind about someone and then just realize it was a fucking haircut. put me in a frame on your wall, just to keep me out of trouble. i gotta say i admire bob dylan for being honest about his new record. noone ever is. its like when the ad campaign rolls out everyone is smiling and at their best even if they are not sure. an affectionate friend told me everything i ever needed to know about anything. “freeze! put down that fucking laptop!”. everything is always either digging a hole or digging yourself out of one. and just when you have it all figured out you should just sift through your pile of “never again"s. quite a collection. blow off the dust. im sure they will be worth something to someone sometime. its buzzing in the back of your head and out of your fingertips. pull back the shade- the road outside of my house is paved with good intentions. but it is hell on the undercarriage of the car so we’re gonna have to hire a construction crew. i wonder if anyone else things of you as much as i do, even you.

“If I should call you up, invest a dime And you say you belong to me and ease my mind Imagine how the world could be, so very fine So happy together…”

a mutual misunderstanding. kaleidoscope eyes sparkle on pillows in the dark. and i dont care what anyone thinkgs of that except me. put the love on hold, anticipation is on the other line and excitement called while you were out. imagine me and you…..

***

THIS SHIP IS THE WORST FUCKING THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME. Also, some of that entry (the bits about summer, and the anticipation is on the other line…) actually made it into a Panic! at the Disco song that Pete co-wrote, The Calendar, which you can listen to here. Again with the recurring theme of summer and the year before. Just. Yeah.

Also, a few other important things:

Pete has stated before that he is gay above the waist, to quote him in an AP interview: “A lot of people say that I’m gay in general. I’m an above-the-waist gay kind of guy”, and “Anything above the waist is fair game.” Which doesn’t need explaining, I’m sure. What’s interesting about that is the lines alluding to that in his journal entries and songs. Happily ever after below the waist, etc. Just something to consider. Or never consider. It’s best for your sanity if you don’t.

Honestly we have next to nothing on Mikey’s side about this whole time period, whether this is because Mikey is generally a very private person or for another reason entirely, no one really knows. Despite the fact that the Summer of Like was quite a prolific time, neither Pete nor Mikey have ever directly talked about it.

But we do have this from Mikey, which isn’t exactly convincing:

“Me and pete wentz aren’t dating. We are both heterosexual males….sort of…maybe…umm…next!”

Phew, okay. End of part one. Take a breath, or a million. There will now be a brief interval in which I advise you to cry a lot, and maybe watch The Notebook. Because it wasn’t over and it still isn’t over.

[INTERVAL]

Okay, hi. So after '06, there is a lot less to give you regarding their friendship/relationship. It’s probably important to note for timeline purposes that in 2006, during the recording of The Black Parade, Mikey temporarily left the band due to his severe depression. Thankfully, he recovered. He also dyed his hair and got laser eye surgery and therefore parted ways with those trademark glasses!

For a long while there seemed to be a lot less communication between them, at least publicly. Obviously Mikey was working on MCR’s album and dealing with his own issues, and Pete was working on FOB’s album. So, fast-forward to '07. Which brings us to the aforementioned FOB album.

~*~

INFINITY ON HIGH AND ‘BANG THE DOLDRUMS’

Oh boy. So, in 2007, FOB released Infinity on High. There have been a fair few mentions of this album thus far, specifically Bang the Doldrums. It is generally speculated that Bang the Doldrums is about Mikey and Warped '05. Combine the fact that the lyrics are straight out of Pete’s journal entries from Warped and that the song was originally titled 'Summer of Like’, I’m not sure what other possible conclusion we could make.

A few things to point out about Bang the Doldrums (some have already been mentioned, but to summarise):

The word 'doldrums’ refers to a part of the Atlantic Ocean where the winds are so calm that ships would often get stuck there. For the purposes of the song, I assume it relates to the stagnation of their relationship post-Warped tour.

'Happily ever after below the waist’ refers to Pete’s statement 'I’m gay above the waist’. This speaks for itself, I feel.

FOB have never played Bang the Doldrums live. Not once.

As if Bang the Doldrums isn’t bad enough, we still have the rest of Infinity on High to deal with. I’m not going to analyse every song that could potentially be about Mikey because that would take up a monumental amount of time (a lot of the lyrics come straight out of Pete’s '05/'06 journal entries), but other notable songs from Infinity include: I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You), "The Take Over, The Break’s Over”, Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, The Carpal Tunnel of Love, I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers, G.I.N.A.S.F.S.

Also: G.I.N.A.S.F.S. stands for Gay Is Not A Synonym For Shitty. It was a response to homophobic assholes. Pete was tired of people using the word gay to mean shitty re: Fall Out Boy. He said something along the lines of 'If you think we suck, then say we suck. Don’t be homophobic.’

So, after the whirlwind of Infinity on High, not much else happened with them publicly? Mikey judged a karaoke night in March '08 at Angels and Kings, NYC (a nightclub opened by and part-owned by Pete), but that’s it.

~*~

FOLIE À DEUX

At the end of 2008, FOB’s last album before their hiatus would be released. I’m not going to talk much about Folie – not because it isn’t a good album, it is a really good album – because there’s not a lot to talk about in relation to Pete/Mikey. But there are a some possibly noteworthy songs, which include: I Don’t Care, Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet, 27.

Interesting to note: Pete turned 27 in June 2006, which is incidentally the summer he posted a string of nostalgic and heartbreaking journal entries about Warped '05. Whether it all relates to the song 27, I don’t know. But there you go.

~*~

TWITTER

In 2009, Fall Out Boy went on hiatus and everything was sad.

But also, TWITTER HAPPENED. Twitter (God bless) brought us some quality Petekey. Get ready, pals:

This was back when we all used twitpic and you could add tags to photos.

it tastes like you it tastes like you it tastes like you

Losers.

Honestly.

Laughing so I don’t cry. The idea of Mikey hanging out with Pete and Bronx is too much.

This night was a blessing. Not crying, I just have OTP in my eye.

SEEMS ABOUT RIGHT.

Okay, so. This is a bonafide Petekey Thing. I have no idea how long they’ve been doing this for, but whenever one of them is in Japan they will bring the other back some Green Tea KitKats. It warms my cold, dead heart.

That time they formed a band and named it after a cereal.

Mikey still goes to FOB shows #confirmed

SWEET LITTLE DUDES FOREVER. Honestly, I love that their silly gang name still lives on to this day.

THERE THEY GO AGAIN.

;_;

PLEASE

MIKEY WAY IS SWEETNESS

SWEETNESS

This one was tweeted on Mikey’s birthday, and good grief, it hurts me in the best ways.

~*~

FOB HIATUS AND REUNION

During the FOB hiatus, Pete formed an electro-pop group with Bebe Rexha. They didn’t release a lot of music (which I am still a bit sad about, because I loved their vibe). But one of the songs we did get, was called Summer Nights. And, god. You guys. 'I only wanted fun, then you got me all messed up on love’. Help. Pete later recycled this lyric for a FOB song (Where Did the Party Go?). The lyrics to Summer Nights do not exist anywhere on the internet, but you can listen to it here.

In 2013, after over three – very long and very harrowing – years, Fall Out Boy finally came off hiatus and unceremoniously dropped My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up) with zero warning. It was possibly one of the single greatest moments of my life, but I digress.

(Then, because we’re apparently not allowed to have too many good things at once, about a month or so later My Chemical Romance announced their split. Which was–well, it was bleak. Crying on the kitchen floor bleak. But we’re not going to talk too much about that.)

~*~

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL

Following, My Songs… (and The Phoenix), the album Save Rock and Roll was released in April 2013. And naturally – Classic Pete – there are songs that one could argue are about Mikey if one so desired. Including the previously mentioned My Songs… But in particular: Alone Together, Just One Yesterday and my favourite: Miss Missing You, which hurts in the worst fucking ways. 'Chlorine kissed summer skin’.

After Save Rock and Roll, FOB released an EP called PAX AM Days. On the EP is a song called Eternal Summer. You get the idea.

THEN. GOD FUCKING BLESS. Pete posted these on his Instagram:

The captions on these were ‘Happy bday sweet lil dude’ and ‘One of my favourite dudes ever’ respectively. I LOVE THEIR LOVE.

~*~

AMERICAN BEAUTY/PSYCHO AND 'FOURTH OF JULY’

(or: I’m sorry every song’s about you)

In January 2015, Fall Out Boy released American Beauty/American Psycho. And, well. It was a bloody experience. I sometimes refer to this album as Infinity on High 2.0. For obvious reason.

The most notable song is Fourth of July (or as I sometimes call it: Bang the Doldrums 2.0). Other than Bang the Doldrums, it is probably the most direct reference. There are a lot of pieces of the song that have links to Pete’s journal entries from Warped '05. The song is largely in reference to the summer. And, as previously mentioned, Pete’s 'hot and miserable but totally in love’ entry was posted on July 4th. Stab me in the fucking face.

Some lovely heartbreaking lines:

You are my favorite “what if” You are my best “I’ll never know”

This is so painful I don’t even know how to deal with it.

I wish I’d known how much you loved me I wish I cared enough to know I’m sorry every song’s about you The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

Fucking ouch. 'I’m sorry every song’s about you’ gets me every single time. Thank you for confirming what we have all suspected for years, Pete. It doesn’t feel like a knife to the chest or anything.

Other notable songs on AB/AP are, um, all of them, to be honest.

Twin Skeletons possibly refers to February 2006. As mentioned earlier, Pete shared this about him and Mikey in NYC. On the same day, he posted in his FBR journal 'i am in the lobby of a hotel in new york city waiting for something that isn’t ever going to happen.’ It’s entirely possible this is what Twin Skeletons is alluding to ('there’s a room in a hotel in New York City that shares our fate and deserves our pity, I don’t want to remember it all, the promises I made if you just hold on’).

Also, according to some, Pete allegedly stated that the album is about Green Tea KitKats (which, as we have established, is a Petekey Thing), however I have yet to see a source for this, so I am unsure on that one. If anyone has a source on this, that would be fabulous.

~*~

M A N I A AND ‘BISHOPS KNIFE TRICK’

If you thought Pete Wentz was done writing songs about Mikey Way, you were unfortunately mistaken. At the beginning of 2018, almost thirteen years after Warped '05, Fall Out Boy released M A N I A. If you ever feel bad for not being able to move on from an ex, try not to trouble yourself. It’s been over a decade and Pete’s still writing songs about Mikey.

If Fourth of July was Bang the Doldrums 2.0, then Bishops Knife Trick is Bang the Doldrums 3.0. Before we even get into the lyrics: Bishop was the name of the stage both FOB and MCR played at Warped '05. I wish I was kidding, pals. But no, Pete is still being Like That. Okay, so. Note-worthy things about Bishop’s Knife Trick:

I’m living out of time, eternal heat stroke Spiritual revolt from the waist down From the waist down

Again, references to Pete’s complicated sexuality.

I got a feeling inside that I can’t domesticate It doesn’t wanna live in a cage A feeling that I can’t housebreak And I’m yours 'Til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away I’m struggling to exist with you and without you

I… don’t even know what to do with this. God, right. This is a lot.

I’m sifting through the sand, sand, sand, sand Looking for pieces of broken hourglass Trying to get it all back Put it back together As if the time had never passed I know I should walk away But I just want to let you break my brain And I can’t seem to get a grip No, no matter how I live with it

I am so fucking sad, you guys.

As for the rest of M A N I A, other songs you could look into include: The Last of the Real Ones, HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes), Church, Heaven’s Gate. Read into them how you will.

Thank you, Pete ‘I’m sorry every song’s about you’ Wentz.

Another note of importance: there are also some Panic! at the Disco songs that possibly allude to the Summer of Like, due to Pete co-writing on some songs (particularly on Vice and Virtues). The lyrics Pete contributed to Panic! songs largely came from his '05/'06 journal entries. The Calendar in particular came straight out of his post-Warped journals. He also contributed lyrics to Trade Mistakes, Hurricane, Always, and the bonus song Kaleidoscope Eyes. On Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! Pete contributed lyrics to Nicotine. Ouch. There is no escape.

~*~

To wrap this up on a bit of a happier note, here are a bunch more twitter conversations between/about the two of them:

BEST FRIENDS (EX-FRIENDS TIL THE END)

This was re: Pete’s instagram posts.

THIS IS SO CUTE.

THIS LOWKEY FLIRTING OVER TWITTER DOT COM. I SEE YOU.

gOSH.

THE GREEN TEA KITKATS STRIKE AGAIN.

#SLD forever.

For God’s sake.

STOP IT.

The sweetest.

So, yeah this has been a post about Pete/Mikey and to conclude I would like to say: NO. Because it’s the only emotion I feel anymore. I don’t know why I still put myself through this. Sorry for any pain caused, but I can’t be held liable.

I will leave you with these parting tweets:

xoxo

P.S. At the request of a bunch of people in my inbox, I updated this as of April 2018. Because, yes, I am still here.

P.P.S. This used to have a read more but for some reason the code fucked up and no matter what I do, the read more won’t work anymore. So, if you want to reblog this but spare your dashboards from the sheer length of it, please reblog my reblog where the read more is still in tact.

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