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[hotformadison-blog]

So I’m learning that me with no sleep and very few calories make me a very angry person. I don’t want to be around myself, let alone have others see me when I’m like this. Over the years I’ve become very good at hiding how I really am, due to seizures. I could have a seizure in the bathroom and then go back out to the party and act like everything was fine, even though I was dizzy, nauseated, and barely conscious. I hopefully am not acting like a raving bitch at work. I feel like there’s this storm inside me all the time and I just want to scream and cry. There are so many things in this world that are more important than my problems, but I just can’t catch a break. I never realized that you can be truly addicted to food, like being an alcoholic or drug addict. I knew about eating disorders, I’m not stupid, but I never realized that going into a grocery store for someone who is truly addicted to food is the equavilent to an alcoholic going into a liquor store.

The two nights ago I did 25 bicycle crunches, 25 “flat on the floor” hand and feet crunches, 25 “crossed arm” crunches, 25 straight leg lifts, 25 twisted wait oblique crunches (right and left), and 25 shoulder to knee crunches (right and left). I also did 10 girl push ups. Pissy that that’s all I could do, but oh well. My shoulder never recovered from surgery.

Last night I worked out on the eliptical, did biceps, triceps, delts, and some wall sits/squats. So in the last 48 hours I’ve worked out more than I have in the last 4 months. Pitiful. Oh well, it's better than nothing.

Peace,

Z 

[hotformadison-blog]

Hot for Madison (Wisconsin)

So, I have this friend (an actual person) who’s a couple years younger than me and she created a tumblr titled “hotfornewzealand” and it was about her weight loss journey getting ready to go abroad. Well, I’m stealing her idea. I’m going to grad school in the fall, to Madison, WI.

I thought it would be pseudo amusing to call my tumblr “hotformadison” because one, Madison is known for being cold, two, Madison is a woman’s name (and I’m rather attracted to the same sex) and three, it alluded to my friend’s site. So, it all just seemed to kind of fit together.

One week ago, I started the Health One diet. It’s almost like AA meets Weight Watchers. At the moment I am taking in roughly 1200 calories a day, but soon it will be 800. It is medically monitored, so it’s safe/I’m not starving myself. There are these meal replacements (that taste like shite for the most part) and you eat five of those a day. Flavors include chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and wait for it.... potato soup. They can be baked, microwaved, frozen, used in shakes, and just about anything else you can imagine. Anywho...that’s about all I’ve got for tonight.

Last week I was 257.1 (disgusting, I know) and today when I weighed in for the first time I had lost 4.1 lbs. I can totally deal with that. I’m going to set a goal to see if I can get to 230lbs by the time I go up there, meaning I need to loose 23lbs in 137 days. 23 is my lucky number, so maybe that will work for me

Starting weight: 257.1

Current weight: 253

1st goal: 230lbs

final goal: 180 lbs

weight lost: 4.1 lbs

Days until orientation: 137

[hotformadison-blog]