howtobecomeabutterfly

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

trans women names r like 22nd century cyberpunk hacker jewel thieves and trans man names are like drowned victorian children

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

How beautiful 💜

Hari Nef is helping to normalize transwomen’s bodies and identities in a really important way that if you’re cisgender you may not have thought about

Nef goes on to explain the difference between her photoshoot with Velencoso, versus how transgender women are typically photographed in fashion editorials. “Images of trans femmes being loved rarely exist outside of pornography,” Nef wrote. “We tend to be hyper-sexualized and objectified within the cisgender gaze. Either that or we’re dehumanized as scum or (just as bad) untouchable goddesses.”

Photos: Twitter/Hari Nef

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[howtobecomeabutterfly]

“You didn’t think she would make it until the day she turned 21. Well she didn’t… but he did.”

— Sam Collins (via ftmthoughts)

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

Nobody told me...

As a trans-feminine individual who’s been in HRT for a little over a year I have come to realize little by little some facts about how it is to embrace my right gender, and that nobody told me about, and that *I* want to talk about hoping this can help someone. Let’s see the facts...

Nobody told me...

1. That I would use up an *entire* bottle of conditioner per month.

2. That the hair on the nape ends up utterly tangled at the end of the day and it is a a torture to brush it out.

3. That I have to brush my curly hair on a daily basis, and if I don’t do it there’s a risk I’ll end up looking like a shih-tzu whos hair has never been brushed. Ever. (As someone with a pet’s grooming background, I find this comparison hilarious).

4. How uncomfortable it is to have sex with someone who’s not comfortable with my genitals.

5. How uncomfortable it is to have sex with someone who’s *really* comfortable with my genitals.

6. How expensive make up is, and yet how I want to buy everything that crosses my way.

7. How strange it feels at first when people start hsing the right pronouns and name.

8. How amazing it is (once I got used to it) when people use the right pronouns and name.

9. How kind-of-sad and uncomfortable it is to still not be out with my family and have them refer to me with the wrong pronouns, and worse, having to refer to myself with the wrong pronouns every time I skype with them (in spanish, almost every word is gendered and is quite difficult to find gender neutral words).

10. How uncomfortably necessary it is to tuck “perfectly” (aka using tape) when working out in public.

11. How annoyingly necessary it is to feel the need of always be careful to speak in a higher pitched voice.

12. How sensitive boobs are when on hormones, and how much nipples hurt when the breast growth is happening.

13. How difficult it is to evenly wing my eyeliner.

14. How long the process of learning to do my makeup is.

15. How stressful and overwhelming and long it is the process of changing my wardrobe and finding the clothes that work harmoniously with my body and gender identity.

16. How hard it is to find my own style of being a woman.

17. CONSENT. NOBODY EVER TOLD ME HOW CONSENT (AND THE VIOLATION OF IT) WOULD FEEL. PLEASE, LEARN THIS TO THE CORE OF YOUR BEING; NO. MEANS. NO!!! DO NOT EVER LET ANYBODY TOUCH YOUR BODY IF YOU’RE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

18. How amazing it feels to be now SO self-confident and to love myself so fucking much that everytime a transphobe comes my way I just shake off their comments, wish them the best, and move on with my amazing life.

19. Still, how at times it is a little bit hard to not have someone with me while going through this amazing process of self-discovery.

20. How uncomfortable high heels are, and how, despite that, I’d still want to wear them.

21. How amazing it is to wear appropriate gender clothes and stand infront of the mirror and fall in love with the reflection, finding everything that was lost all along.

22. How perfect my skin -that has always been acne prone- looks now that I’m on HRT, and how I don’t have to worry about acne ever again.

23. How amazingly calm I am now that I am in HRT, and not have my male hormones controling my temper after a whole life being grumpy and with an easily upset temper.

24. How my nipples are *really* noticable through a shirt and even a sweeter, having to always wear either a tanktop or a bra underneath.

25. How my appetite would change. I have to have spicy food everyday otherwise I’ll -not literally- die.

26. About the struggle of painting my right hand’s nails.

27. About the struggle of painting my nails and have the nailpolish all chipped off two days later lol.

28. The TORTURE of shaving my legs during the winter and walking outside and getting goosebumps all over because of the cold and feel as if dozens of needls are pricking my skin.

29. The torture of shaving. Period

30. How extremely painful it is laser hair removal. Specially on the face.

31. How odd would some clothes look on me after a year on HRT (clothes that I liked the way they looked before HRT).

32. The amazing feeling of dry brushing my hair every night before going to bed (even if it hurts).

33. How I’d feel like the most powerful witch in all times when I get my makeup and nails done.

34. How, at times, I still question myself whether or not I truly want this.

35. How nice it is to fit everything I need in a handbag.

36. How heavy is a handbag after fitting in everything I need.

37. How dry my skin would be after HRT.

38. How strongly I’d dislike and like my genitals, all at the same time.

39. How my hair never seems long enough.

40. The struggle between loving myself when wearing make up for a few days in a row, and loving myself when not wearing any makeup after said days.

41. The struggle between loving myself as I am, and wanting to get done every single surgery available for trans-feminine individuals.

42. The fear of walking alone at night.

Among many other things that I can’t think of right now, throughout a year of transition I have discovered all mentioned. It all applies to myself, and I am by any means telling trans-feminine individuals that their transition and experiences should be like mine, but I did want to put this out there, hoping someone that needs to see something like this does. Not all the experiences I’m going through are bad. Some are. Some are just uncomfortable or overwhelming. But the bad in no way outweighs the good. Would I ever change this experience of transitioning? NEVER. I keep finding myself as a woman. And, most importantly, I keep finding myself as a human thanks to this experience, and that is plain beautiful and enlightening, and I would never change my experience as a transgender woman in this realm.

Stay strong. Stay true. You are loved. Trans is beautiful. Trans is worthy. Trans is Love. 💜

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

The first Asian nation to do so 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

You’re more than just dysphoria and a target of transphobia (img source)

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

So today I was sensitive af. I had laser session, and idk why (I *do* know why) I started crying when the session was done. As the laser hit my face over and over and over again, making it hurt so much everytime it got triggered, I suddenly found myself at the very verge of crying. Idk how I kept it at bay while the session was on, but as soon as the lady said 'alright Ali, we're done' and she removed the google-thingy from my eyes I started to cryyyyyyy heeny! Not even because of the pain of the laser (which was pretty fucking painful), but because WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS?!?! And also because WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT IN TRYING?!?!? So I cried when it was done, and then I cried while waiting for the uber, and then I cried in the uber, and then when I got home on my bed under the blankets. But later, after two hours of hiding in my bedroom I got up and had lunch and even though I'm nowhere near being emotionally stable as I write this, I know everything IS going to be okay because there's gonna come a day when I'll finally be okay with the girl staring back at my in the mirror and that day I'm going to think back about today and will say 'it's all okay now. I'm home'.

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

💜💫

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

"Oh, Love is magic. There's no difference between a Love spell, a Love sonnet, and a longing look."

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

Impossible not to reblog 💜💜💜

Good Vibes: My sister is a total fashion person, and when I came out as ftm she went and bought me a bunch of men's clothes (which i love). When my mom asked my sister just said "it's so in right now! Haven't you noticed mom?" And my mom hasn't asked about it again! I feel so much more myself :D

!!

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

❣️

Questions to ask instead of “Am I trans?”

Because, tbh the question itself is so hard to answer, mostly because of the way it is phrased. Same with “Am I a boy, girl, or non-binary?” Here I present you some other questions to navigate your gender questioning journey:

Do I like to be reffered to/seen as/treated as a boy/girl/non-binary?

Do I dislike being treated in other ways?

What are my feelings relating my gender assigned at birth?

What are my feelings regarding the gender I think I may be?

Is there a certain gender you lean towards more than others? (For example, it never crossed my head that i may be unaligned non-binary. I would think i was a demigirl, then bigender, then demiboy, leaning away from girlhood and closer to boyhood with time, but I never thought I could be something other than a guy)

One of the moments when I feel the most euphoria is when I see femenine guys. Masculine guys are too far away from me to relate. Does it feel better to see a guy who acts like you, a girl who acts like you, or a non-binary person who acts like you?

How do you feel when you see yourself in clothes of the gender you think you may be?

Do you not want to change your clothes back to the ones socially fitting to the gender you were assigned at birth? Do you tell yourself “just five more minutes” or something like that?

When you see yourself in the mirror with clothes of the gender you think you may be, does that look like you, or a stranger?

Does it look “strange” just because you’re not used to it, or is it so uncomfortable you want to take the clothes off?

Are you scared of this “”“”“trans phase”“”“” being over? Are you scared of going back to identifying as your gender assigned at birth?

What is the main reason why you think you may be trans? Is it related to gender roles? (Ex: liking more the clothes of the opposite gender)

What is the main reason why you think you may not be trans? Is it related to gender roles? (Ex: liking more the clothes of your sex)

Do you think you want to be certain gender because of the “Aesthetic”? (This could be either about the gender you think you may be or the gender you were assigned at birth)

Can you explain why you “want” to be certain gender? Is there a logical reason?

Would you rather get rid of your questioning by having you mind change to fit your body, or have your body change to fit your mind?

If a magic being came to you right now and offered to give you the body that socially fits the gender you think you may be, knowing that you wont regret it, what would you say?

Based on the evidence, what do you think is more likely? That you are cis or that you’re trans?

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

I remember as if it was yesterday the first time I shopped clothes from the woman's section. I was so nervous in the store that someone could come up to me and tell me "excuse me, you're in the wrong section", but I just pretended I wasn't nervous at all, and then the very next day when I wore the new clothes I remember walking down the street feeling like a Goddess in a mortal vassel wearing super cute clothes. And that is the most powerful feeling EVER 💕💫

Good vibes!! I went shopping with a friend and got a flannel from the guys section! (My first "guys" clothing item!!)

!!

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

"It’s not that you’re uncomfortable being cis. It’s that you’re more comfortable being trans." I never, ever, thought someone else could put into words my experience as a Trans Woman. We don't necessarily need to feel bad about our body or appearance in the assigned sex, to seek a transition. We CAN feel indifferent about our appearance as the assigned sex -or maybe even appreciate that we can even be good-looking in that gender role - but feel SO DAMN GOOD about our appearance as the opposite sex we were assigned, that we decide that's the way we want to feel every day at every hour for the rest of our lives, and that's the reason why we consider and start transition. I didn't know how to express my experience as a trans person before this post. I sometimes even questioned myself, saying "I don't experience gender dysphoria as strongly as other trans people do, maybe I'm not transgender after all". But now I know it is NOT WRONG to not experience gender dysphoria, to be trans. Now I know that it is NOT WRONG to experience gender euphoria instead. And now more than ever I feel part of my beloved trans community. Now, more than ever, I. FEEL. VALID.

WE ALL ARE VALID, AND NO EXPERIENCE AS A TRANS PERSON IS THE SAME.

Can you believe that being trans involves some level of dysphoria (whether it be physical, social, or mental) without being truscum? Because I am 100% behind ALL identities but like… if you are 100% content with being cis (non dysphoric)…then you're cis?

Ren says:

Nah. You’re missing a whole piece of the trans experience, my friend.

There’s something called “gender euphoria” - it’s the exact opposite of gender dysphoria, and it can be a motivator for being trans! It’s not that you’re uncomfortable being cis. It’s that you’re more comfortable being trans. No discomfort involved - just greener grass on the other side of the fence.

For dysphoric folks I think that can get very hard to conceptualize, but…being trans isn’t a death sentence? Even if you are dysphoric, chances are you have experienced gender euphoria before - it’s the feeling when you see yourself wearing a binder for the first time, or when you wear a skirt for the first time, or the first time someone gets tongue-tied about whether to call you “sir” or “miss”.

It’s the first time you think “oh. So this is what it’s supposed to be like.” And you just can’t stop smiling for the rest of the day. It’s the feeling that anons are talking about when they submit good vibes.

The primary trans narrative is driven by gender dysphoria, which means they’re seeking something that feels less wrong. But gender euphoria - which is present in all of us, but is stronger and sometimes even dominant for some - is seeking something that feels more right. And both of those narratives are valid and deserving of support, and neither one of them cancels the other experience out.

This is a really excellent post that may help further explain what I mean.

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

I'm trans masculine and I've been on testosterone for about a year, I'm going by my preferred name and pronouns and I'm getting my name changed in a week, but i just cannot stop seeing myself as a girl. Whenever I start thinking about my future, i see a woman in my place. Whenever i have a dream about me in the future, i see a woman, and not the man that i want to be, that i am. Why is this happening? Could i be faking it? Could this be a sign that being trans is really just a phase for me?

No, I don’t think you are faking it. A faker is making a conscious and continuous choice to pretend to be something they’re not. And that’s not what you’re doing.

That’s not to say that you couldn’t possibly be a girl, but I want to make it clear that you’re not doing anything wrong by doing what you’re doing and identifying the way that you are. If this does turn out to be a phase, that’s not a bad thing. Shit doesn’t have to be permanent to be valid. The moon has phases. It’s still a real moon and not a fake moon.

Some trans people need a lot of time - sometimes years - to “get used to” their new selves and their new futures. If you’ve grown up, spent years and years, seeing yourself a a girl and imagining your future as a woman? That shit isn’t going to magically go poof and disappear, even if you know that that’s not who you are anymore.

And for dreams specifically, that’s always going to be an unpredictable minefield. You’re literally asleep when it happens, it’s out of your control. I’ve dreamt a lot of weird shit, including me being a bunch of different creatues and genders. In fact I’m rarely ever genderqueer in my dreams, if it is a dream that allows me to pay attention to what gender I am. That doesn’t mean that I’m not genderqueer when I’m awake. It just means that my brain is taking a lot of creative liberty when it comes up with my dreams.

There’s also the issue with that the vast vast vast majority of trans representation is of teenagers and young adults. And it can be very hard to try to imagine your future as a trans person when you don’t have any / very many elderly trans people who you can project yourself onto and imagine yourself as.

You can be a trans man. You can also not be - maybe you’ll end up identifying as a girl in the future, maybe you’ll end up feeling more comfortable with a nonbinary label like bigender, maybe maybe maybe. The thing about the future is that it’s always going to be unpredictable.

Focus on what you’re feeling right now. If you feel like a man and feel the most comfortable identifying as transmasc, then that is what you are. And even if you end up feeling different in the future, that doesn’t invalidate what you’re feeling today.

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

The place inbetween

It’s been a few weeks that I haven’t felt quite like myself.

I sleep too much. I’m always tired -physically and mentally - whether I sleep six, eight or ten hours. I don’t feel like doing anything. I don’t dance anymore. I don’t write anymore. I don’t go out of my house at all. 

The only thing I seem to want to do is to read novels and lose myself in another reality -a much better reality - or to watch movies or t.v. series to, as well, lose myself in someone else’s life that’s better than my own, even if it’s a fictional life.

At first I didn’t really notice it was happening. I’d say I was resting after almost two years of really hard work at my former job. That was my excuse, but I’m not sure I can use that excuse anymore.

It’s been already a month since I quit that job where I gave too much and recieved just enough and nothing more.

The day after I quit I promised myself that I’d rest for only a day or two, and that after that I’d get my ass back up and do everything that I wanted to do but had not time to before.

And then two days became one week, and I found myself on a Sunday night promising once again that I’d be productive the following day and that I’d make time for everything I wanted to do.

And then, like before, one week stretched into two, and I thought “Well, maybe I am really tired after all. Maybe that job really did drain me more than I thought. Maybe I need to rest a little bit more”.

And just like that, as if it was something I didn’t have control over, two weeks became three, and then three became four, and then I found myself feeling  I-don’t-know-how (frustrated? Ashamed? Scared? Surprised? All?) about having wasted a month doing absolutely nothing.

And so I thought “am I depressed?”. I couldn’t be! It was impossible! I was out of a job I disliked! I was on my hormone replacement therapy, something I’d been dreaming about for almost eight years! My hair looked the way I wanted, and my features softened by the hormones, and my time belonged to me once again, and I was free to do whatever I wanted, go wherever I dreamed, see whatever I craved! I could not possible be depressed! That’s ridiculous! Literally impossible...

... Right? ...

... Right? ...

That’s when a sudden but not new thought was whispered to my conscious-self. That maybe my happiness didn’t come from or depended of little pills that had to be taken daily without fail.

I had thought about it before, right a few days before starting HRT. I thought “what if I start this process that I’ve been dreaming of for literal years, and I don’t feel happier or like my life is fullfulled?” “What would I do then?”

And now that I’m thinking about it once again, I realize that that can indeed happen.

There are many different ways to feel lost. Just as there are many different ways to find onself. I guess...

I started the process of finding my self -regarding gender identity - six months ago. I don’t regret it. I am happier and happier everytime I look at myself in the mirror and notice the small changes are adding up together to make me feel comfortable, and pretty, and proud of my own body.

But, I guess, there are still other ways I need to find myself. There are other mays I CAN find myself

I don’t know where would I like my life to go to. I need to work on that.

I don’t know where would I like to settle so I can finally start making an “adult”, independed life. I need to work on that as well.

I feel like there are many things about myself that I simply do not know, and that I must work on, and that makes me feel like drowning.

And what’s worse, I feel like I don’t have the strenght to get off my bed and start working on all those things that need repair.

My mind feels fogged. Numbed. Tired. Confused. Heavy. So heavy that at times it seems the only thing capable of holding it is the pillow under my head. 

Is this what depression feels like?

Can I make it go away?

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

here’s to nonbinary people who are unsure 

to nonbinary people who don’t know how exactly they want to present

to nonbinary people who are only starting to think of themselves as nonbinary

to nonbinary people who don’t know what their future will be like because of their gender

to nonbinary people who don’t know who they are and their gender only makes it more confusing 

to nonbinary people who can’t pick a name or decide which pronouns they want to use 

to nonbinary people who are afraid and uncomfortable:

you’re not alone, many of us have been through this or are going through this, it’s okay to feel confused and uncomfortable, it’s not because you’re faking it, it will get better

[howtobecomeabutterfly]

This is the most real thing I've seen in a long time! Don't know whether I should laugh or cry lol

Fake Gamer Girl #014: Transition Timelines

Fake Gamer Girl is a trans/nerd webcomic by Ash Barker, a trans femme artist. Reblog and share with friends! Follow if you want! Thanks so much!

UPDATES on Tuesday/Thursday! Two Comics a week!