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소설가의 영화 [The Novelist's Film] (2022) dir. Hong Sang-Soo.

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Ron Van Dongen: Viola 'Black Prince’ (1998)

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i have decided that i’m going to be ok!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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eli craven

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Etienne Bertrand Weill. Figure couronnée n°3, 1971

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amazingly i feel i have a normal relationship with all these things. can’t wait until i’m not sick anymore so i can emerge fully formed into the world and enjoy it

If I had a normal relationship with food and alcohol and drugs and sex and sexuality and money. Then I would probably feel a lot better

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A Moomin livery on the Finnair MD-11 plane that flew Helsinki-Tokyo route in the past.

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it’s june

On The Beach At Night Alone (2017) Hong Sang-soo

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Bridget Riley, Untitled, 1965

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remembering how about 2 years ago i was writing writing writing, privately and furtively for me myself and i, and hoping that something would come of it

i need to start doing this again. writing a lot for myself, writing a great deal in private or as if in private (as in: spacious and unafraid and loose and flexible, not afraid bc of the immense weight of feeling perceived or supervised or scrutinized by the Other)…

sunday: 5 pages

monday: 3 pages

tuesday: 4 pages

today: 5 pages

i am writing. i don’t really know what the writing is for. or what it is meant to be. it is interiority flowing into introspection flowing into amateur literary criticism into reflections on time and disciplinarity and love and friends and the affairs of my friends (‘affair’ in the abstract sense and in the infidelity sense) and ethics and existentialism and what it means to self actualise.

it could all be nothing and i could be taking myself too seriously. but writing feels like something of significance in my life: exciting and engrossing and an autotelic activity that justifies itself…and i feel very purely and simply happy to be sitting and writing…and all i am doing is collecting seeds and planting seeds and quietly observing where my mind goes to, what it’s caught on, what are all the things i want to say and need the time and space to say.

i’m having a really good time. i think the secret to happiness, for me, is writing like this as consistently as i can. writing that has no purpose except to satisfy the persistent inner urge to create.

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going through my posts to find smth and was intercepted by this—need to cling onto this feeling!

on the beach at night alone (2017) dir. by hong sang-soo

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I saw the graceful angle of her leg and I thought, She’s beautiful and full of grace; she likes me; she does not defer to me, nor does she need to undermine me; she has a private mind and a private life; we are not in competition; her areas of competence are so different from mine that we never clash. I envy—or rather intend to be, one day—a woman like her. Or those older women writers I’ve met, who at sixty live alone in a lovely flat, work calmly and with recognition, have friends.

helen garner, how to end a story: collected diaries

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marie howe, in an interview with krista tippett of on being

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Pope.L, Tompkins Square Crawl. (1991)

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Charlotta Maria Hauksdotti,

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have texted the first img to every new friend i’ve made in the last few weeks…everyone loves it

La Boum 2. Dir. Claude Pinoteau. 1982.

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simon wu in interview mag (in conversation with lily kwak)