hummus-gobbler - Tumblr blog

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hey don’t cry. spiro the bald eagle failing at catching a crab, okay?

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The Wayne Olympics. But instead of an Olympics style event, it’s the Wayne kids plus their friends partaking in one unhinged event after another.

Barbara puts together the opening ceremony with Cass as the Assassin's Creed torchbearer someone please draw this

Damian and Jon are the judges, rating them on Fabulousness, Memeability, and How Many Heart Attacks Will Bruce Have

Bruce is in the audience will 15 cups of coffee because no way he's falling asleep now (the Justice League is mildly concerned)

Kate and Selina team up against Harley and Ivy in the Queer Women's Volleyball Escape Room

Dick and Wally win the Synchronized Time Travel Gymnastics medal by performing their routine with dinosaurs

Luke easily wins in Chess Boxing even though he overslept and showed up late

Harper scales the Wayne Enterprises tower instead of rock climbing and Cullen is her cheerleader

Tim, Kon, Bart, and Cassie win the Intercontinental Quadathalon, starting from Argentina and ending in South Africa (the four events are running, swimming, biking, and skateboarding)

Bette enters the Laser Rollerblading Table Tennis event using batarangs instead of paddles

Duke and his friends get the gold in Arctic Tandem Mountain Biking

Steph and Lois go head-to-head in the Taekwondo Cooking competition and both get silver to Alfred

Helena finishes first in Underwater Soccer and when Italy asks if they can have the medal she refuses

Jason and Roy enter the shooting contest. Somehow that Turkish guy shows up and beats them both

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the way his face burst into a smile as soon as he saw Dick 😭😭

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Been on motorcycle tiktok… thinking about these two f-ing around on their motorcycles…

—

Duke: There’s a cop

Jason: Just drive away it’s fine

Duke: No s*** I’m already on the other side of the city

—

Bruce: We’re on the same side of the police, even if they’re corrupt we’re all for justice

Duke, a Robin during the Robin War, a motorcyclist, and a black teenager: Uh huh. Of course

—

Dick: There’s a motorcyclist going 200 in Crime Alley

Jason: Damn, that’s me

Dick: Sick, do a wheelie

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Gay Son Thot Daughter

June 30, 2024

Location: San Francisco, California

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Tim: *walks in on Bruce eating all the cookies*

Tim: What's going on here?

Bruce: *hands him $20*

Bruce: What did you see?

Tim: I saw you downstairs eating an apple.

Bruce: Good boy.

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assume the Spider-Man is Peter and the flash is either Barry or Wally (whoever comes to mind first), they take only one hotdog

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[johnny bravo voice] puppy dog

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my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk

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Bruce looks like the kind of parents who will hear the children say that they like some food and automatically accept it as the children's favorite meal

And the children will just eat it forever now to make Bruce happy

What food/snacks/fruit they accidentally say "oh this taste good actually" and now are they cursed by it?

Waitress: And what would you like as your side?

8-year-old Dick: French fries!

[19 years later]

Bruce: And here's your dinner, side of fries as always.

Dick, who's been eating fries every day since: Yippee.

———————

12-year-old Jason: *looks at a candy bar*

Bruce: You want it?

Jason: I dunno, it's like three dollars.

Bruce: Hey, don't worry about it, chum.

[11 years later]

Jason: *finds the same candy bar in his belt*

Jason: Well, it's the thought that counts.

———————

14-year-old Tim: Since Alfred's not home I ordered pizza for dinner.

Bruce, working: *grunts*

[3 years later]

*doorbell rings*

Tim: Weird, I wasn't expecting anyone.

Tim: *opens the door*

Bruce, in a Bat-pizza uniform: Delivery for Tim Drake.

———————

15-year-old Steph: *makes waffles*

[3 years later]

Steph: Bruce, why'd you buy so much flour?

Bruce: So you can make waffles.

———————

Bruce: You hungry?

Duke: I dunno, I guess I could go for a smoothie or something.

[later]

Duke: What's with the second fridge?

Bruce: To keep your smoothies.

———————

Damian: From now on, I am a vegetarian.

Bruce: Okay, but what about protein?

Damian: There are plenty of options, like tofu.

[later]

Damian, faced with a tofu truck: Perhaps I should have listened to Brown's advice.

———————

Bruce: *driving*

Cass: *points to a pumpkin patch*

Bruce: We'll see.

[later]

Cass: *goes to her room*

Cass: Dad?

Bruce: Yes, princess?

Cass: Pumpkin patch. In my room.

Bruce: I called in a favor from Ivy.

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It’s rotten work.

Not to me. Not if it’s you.

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On todays menu: Cass being surprized Babs isnt a lesbian.

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