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When I start a new game

🎮Show the world that you are a real gamer🎮

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Rip the Bandaid

What’s up anyone?! My whole week has been devoted to the Octopath Traveler game for the switch! And lots of alcohol for sure…its not a problem…technically alcohol is a solution!!...get it? Anyways besides that Ive been thinking back on when I had my turning point in life. I wasn’t happy where I was at a few years back. I was going to college for a degree I wasn’t interested in, living in a house that I could barely afford even with my friend and I splitting rent, with a partner that cared more about what I could make moneywise rather than me and just a slew of family problems. A lot of that was my fault. I’m not one to blame others anymore. I definitely was in the past…always saying well my broken family is why Im screwed in life. Or I’m doing this cause its what is expected of me (in other words its not my fault im in this situation). And yes there were and are times for me and everyone else where things are entirely out of your control, where all you can do is sit back and just say FUCK. However a lot of the time its up to  you. My turning point was when I finally had enough of college, a good 60,000 bucks in debt later I might add…also my fault…but I was chasing after someone elses dream, not my own. So one day after crying myself to sleep as I tended to do back then I just finally decided to say fuck it. I ripped that bandaid off. I knew this was not how I wanted to live, this was not what I wanted to do. I believe there are opportunities in everyones life to change things and to do things to make their life better. I found out why I had such a hard time changing, besides being comfortable albeit anxiously. So my first thought was that I had always been preached that good things have a hard road to get to, and if its easy then obviously youre on the wrong path. Here’s the thing, sometimes the path is hard as fuck cause youre not supposed to be on it. Sometimes the reason why another path is easier is due to the fact that whats at the end of it comes so naturally to you that it doesn’t feel hard. The second thought that I just recently had was the Sunk Cost Fallacy. I’m paraphrasing here but basically its when you’ve put so much time and effort into something that even if its not worth it or wrong your mind tells you its better to finish the job rather than quitting and “wasting” all that time and effort you put in. FUCKING STUPID. Whether you put a month,  a year, or like me 5 years into something that isn’t worth it, and you finally realize that, rip that bandaid off immediately. Don’t get me wrong there will be some consequences and some damage control that will be needed, but you owe it to yourself to do this. Case and point. Yes I dropped out of college and went after something I knew I wanted, so my consequences were of course taking that chance of randomly switching focus and also a huge amount of worthless debt. Here’s what I gained. Immediately after I decided to change I started looking for jobs in the field I wanted, found one and 2 years later here I am still chugging along and have gained the respect of everyone here to the point where they are constantly telling me to move up and be a manager. A few months after quitting college my partner that I was with for 5 years left me for someone else, was completely heartbroken don’t get me wrong, however that opened the door for my current partner and I couldn’t be happier! With said job I got to move closer to my friends and see them regularly now. So yes there was some damage control, there are still consequences I am paying for, and this definitely will not be the situation for everyone. I got extremely lucky and I am grateful for it, but I still believe that if youre not happy with your path you owe it to yourself to make the right decisions and find out which path you should take.

 -L

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Nostalgia

Another week, another random post that probably isn’t going to be seen by anyone…and I love it haha. This week I wanted to talk about nostalgia. It kind of got brought up in conversation between a coworker and me. Is it good, is it bad?? I feel like it could be either way. Looking too much into our past could be detrimental to our future. However, it’s always said to move forward it’s good to see where we’ve come from. I love playing my old video games, and thinking about my past and how awesome old music was and thinking about different things I would’ve done had I known what I know now (investing in google for sure hehehe).

When does it get bad though? I think just looking at the past too long is where it crosses that line. At that point I don’t believe its nostalgia, but something else. I consider it more like a ghost. For example thinking of a past relationship too much. Whether it’s for good intentions or out of negative feelings after a while I believe you are just fighting with a ghost. Wasting energy focusing on something that has already ended. Why? Is it because we crave the way we used to feel? Are we so afraid of the future we run to the past even if it’s horrible? I have no clue I just like to think of these things….

  -L

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Super Smash Bros Ultimate (2018)

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Totally forgot to post this picture sooner! I made it last year for the Green Hill Zine. Labyrinth Zone is my favorite stage from the first sonic game, so I was really happy to get the chance to draw it :D

I posted it on twitter too

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Weight loss and gain ish I guess??

What’s up anyone?! Here we are again… a new day…another blog…and me trying desperately to not think about that glorious pizza place across the highway….and fail.

So I’ll start this off with saying I’m in no shape or form obese or super overweight. I do have a decent midsection and am overweight for someone my size so I’ve been trying hard here lately to get my diet under control and what not. It’s funny because anytime I would try those BMI things at the stores for the past few years it would like yell at me “YOURE FUCKING OBESE!!!”….oh…ok thanks….stress eats 10 tacos. So obviously there are stressors along the way of life and I am definitely a stress eater. It’s gotten a lot better though up until about a year or so ago I was heading into the way of obesity, I never really linked it to stress or anything I just figured man I like to eat, and everyone would mess with me like anytime any food related meme would come up they would just look at me or tag me and say “it’s just like you!!!”….again….thanks. But I feel better now about things, I try not to beat myself so bad when I splurge and I’ve been drinking lots of water, so things are heading in a good direction. If you’re like me and you know you stress eat or you have an inkling of an idea that you might, really try to analyze yourself. Why am I eating so much? What is causing me to eat past being satisfied? Even if it isn’t an eating problem, maybe you sleep too much, or you just feel like something is wrong and you can’t quite pinpoint it. Just take a day to really analyze your life. Are you happy? If not why not and what can be done about it. I always believe some self-reflection goes a hell of a long way. It is a lot harder sometimes than I make it out to be though don’t think I’m just sitting here trying to blanket everyone’s problems. I’m just throwing suggestions into the wind really.

Anyways back to the weight stuff. I know a lot of people who say “well its easy just eat less and workout more” ok….yes…but…no? What I mean is yes that is correct by keeping yourself in a caloric deficit and working out you will see results. However it’s hardly ever that easy, unless you want to be an absolute shut in and not have a social life sometimes it will be hard to hang out with friends and still stay under calories. And the reverse is also true, if you’re an introvert (like me most of the time) you risk getting malnourished and could damage your body severely. If you really want to get healthy and lose weight (or gain idk your life I’m not your guardian) use the right tools. I know even I was the person saying “why do I need a fitness app?? I can just do this no problem” here’s the thing…..it….fucking…helps. I don’t need shoes to run but it fucking helps. The same way I don’t NEED an app to tell me I’ve eaten too much but fuck it helps! Stay on top of those calories and try to get in a good exercise even if it’s just walking a few days a week. You won’t see results super-fast. You may lose 10 lbs. easy and then feel like nothing is happening. That’s because those 10 lbs. were water weight. Excess weight due to a high sugar and high salt diet helping you retain water and that shit will fall off you when you first start. But please just keep at it, make little steps and adjustments, and also don’t do any changes for anyone else. Do them for you.

 -L

P.S. some apps I use/used that helped were of course Myfitnesspal, the fitbit app in conjunction with the fitbit I had, and the mapmywalk app to give me a good idea of how far I walk….oh and pokemon go….i love that game….still need mew, ok bye

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Pokemon me

Ok this is one of my random posts! I FUCKING LOVE POKEMON…there…I said it. For the longest time I was pretty embarrassed about saying how much I like it. I was that person who would hear someone talking casually about Pokémon once in a while and I’d be there hiding around the corner creepily like….yes…continue with your valid thought which is clearly wrong because squirtle is the best of the original starters. It’s one of those games for me that I always come back to no matter how long it’s been. I didn’t have the worst childhood coming up I’m not gonna lie. My guardians never beat me or yelled at me unnecessarily, but they did yell and destroy each other and try to get me in the middle. So instead I’d take my Gameboy and escape to my world filled with amazing adventures and strange creatures that I would force into tiny balls and hold them hostage till they liked me….essentially. It was weird cause during elementary yeah Pokémon was the thing who wants to trade??!! Middle school you were too cool for Pokémon…or at least you were supposed to be, but that didn’t stop me!!! And in high school if you even spoke of Pokémon you were instantly banished from any group ever. Lucky for me I had a grand total of two friends who also liked Pokémon haha. And then something happened after that where I’d find people who just didn’t care. Don’t get me wrong there’s still plenty out there that see it as a waste of time and useless while they watch the next reality tv show like their life depended on it.

So I was in a relationship where my partner thought it was stupid to like Pokémon. And as stupid as it sounds when I gave up Pokémon for a while because of said partner I really didn’t feel like myself. And WHY for that matter? Why give up something that makes you YOU. If someone isn’t ok with it then should you be ok with them?  Anyways that ended and I may get to that story later on in my blog depending on how I feel, but now everything is great. I feel like I’m me and of course it’s more than just Pokémon. I feel like I can be unapologetically myself without the need to please anyone. And by anyone I mean ANYONE not just partners, or parents, I mean the guy down the street who stares at me weird cause I have my phone out saying “YES I FINALLY CAUGHT GASTLY” while playing Pokémon go. Don’t get me wrong there are still times where I am self-conscious about that, but not near as much as before. I know its a lot easier said than done, especially when you have something like anxiety or depression taking up your attention, but just be cool with you. Stop giving a shit about what anybody else thinks of you, society or parents, or shitty partners. You need to be happy with you, and everything else will follow.

 -L

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Pokemon stadium was my jam!!

Pokemon Stadium (1998)

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Everyone Needs Help!

What’s up anyone?! So today’s blog is gonna be about what the title says…..obviously…stupid joke…anyways this came up in my life quite a few times, more frequently here recently with my group of friends. The basic thought of this is just because someone is strong or independent don’t assume they don’t need any help. Everyone knows somebody who needs help. A lot of the time somebody you know either explicitly asks for it or you can physically tell something is wrong. However, there are some out there who like to keep things private and help others instead. They always answer how their day is going with an “its good” or something simple like that or sometimes make it a point to keep themselves out of the line of sight.

On one of my group’s last game nights we were all kind of talking and everyone seemed to be doing well in general. There’s definitely the friends in this group who explicitly ask for help. So the ones who don’t are just treated as “well they don’t need any help, look how good they’re doing and how strong they are, we don’t need to worry about them”. While yes this may be true, I must repeat my title

EVERYONE NEEDS HELP.

Not all the time and not often, but everyone need some sort of help. Whether it be mentally or physically or financially, everyone including you reading this will at one point in your life need help. So back to the game night, everyone seemed to be doing great, but I noticed one of us wasn’t really talking a lot. Now by no means does this 100% show they needed help. They could’ve just needed to chill and turn their brain off for a night. But I decided to text them some words of encouragement afterwards and say if there’s anything wrong we’re here for you. A few minutes later I see a 3 page essay on my phone describing their trials and obstacles they’ve been facing here recently and how they didn’t want to tell anyone because they’re usually the ones who people come to for help not the other way around. And this is totally true, this individual hardly ever complains and a lot of us have gone to them when we need advice. Don’t get me wrong there are definitely those who are a little more headstrong and a little more experienced to where they don’t need as much help, but please don’t think just cause it seems like someone has got everything figured out they don’t need help. Once in awhile just check up with your friend who never seems to have problems or issues and make sure they really are doing good. It may end up surprising you how much you didn’t know they are going through. And for those who are on the other end and don’t want to try to find help cause they feel like they’re always supposed to be strong for everyone else. STOP! If you are going through tough times please don’t be embarrassed or prideful or think it’s a burden on your friends or family to talk to them and get help with whatever is going on. And hell I know for me its not even about getting help. Sometimes I just want someone to vent to and bounce my thoughts off of.  All I’m saying is if you know somebody who never complains don’t forget about them. And if you are somebody who never complains please understand you don’t have to do this alone, if you have friends have the confidence in them to be there for you.

-L

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INTRO

So this is my blog. Its not my first blog. I tried blogging out awhile ago and just didn’t have the time to. Now I kind of do. So as my intro I’ve got to say I made this blog just to kind of spell things out for myself. It’s hard for me to really let my thoughts loose and dissect them without some sort of medium to put them on. This blog is more for myself than anything. I don’t plan on using it to get trending or to be social media famous. I made this to put my ideas, feelings, thoughts, and life thinkings down and if someone wants to comment or add something cause they feel the need to go right ahead. Whether its a topic you really like or you want to talk things out with me please feel welcome to. This blog isn’t going to have a clear theme or anything. It will be random as fuck. One day I’ll talk about video games. Other days will be about a cute doggo. And others will be serious life things. So if you see something you like stick around. If you’re just passing by I hope you have an awesome life going on.

-L