iamjustanobservation

[iamjustanobservation]

Can I vibe?

Can I vibe?

So I dont have to search for 9 to 5s I mean damn I try bc Im just tryna feel alive,

But even thats a lie bc if now I died It’d feel– all just like a waste of time.

So can I vibe? Can I vibe? Can I?

Responsibilities. I dont trust them So I be like fxckem while I vibe in the nude with a dude that I love fxcking.

As I write about painted pictures and just vibe while sipping liquor…

Mama say that aint right cuz thats my vice but its my life…

and im just tryna feel… im just tryna feel alive.

So can I vibe?

Bc lately Life has been making me crazy Constantly chasing but still feeling vacant

feel so numb feel so dumb

Bc I feel like Ive amounted to nothing– so Im constantly running from someone or something

but I dont know… All I know is

I just wanna feel. Im just tryna feel alive…

So can I vibe? Can I vibe? Can I?

[iamjustanobservation]

To tell the God honest truth, yes, I studied you.

I wanted to learn everything I could about you. Thus, my obsession with the “why” & “how” questions you could—or rather—would never answer.

You kept restricted boundaries on your vulnerability. And as a human with secrets, I can understand why....

[iamjustanobservation]

I spilled my light into the depths of your darkness in hopes to guide your heart with passion and lead it to the love you desired.

And I spilled my words into margins that traveled through the mouths of your ears in hopes that it would feed your mental starvation for stimulation.

Pure intimacy...

[iamjustanobservation]

I’m convinced that writer’s block doesn’t mean you don’t have anything to say. Writer’s block means you’re afraid to say what you really have to say.

Sandra Cisneros  (via zorascreation)

[iamjustanobservation]

How my Morning Never Starts

I spring out of bed an hour early for my busy day, maybe eat something truly artsy for breakfast--something  you’d order at a sidewalk café in Paris. Then barefoot, coffee in hand, I pad into my sparse, brightly-lit office, and it’s just me and the bare floorboards and a typewriter on a humble but sturdy desk, my mug, and perhaps a stoneware jar with a stubble of pencils issuing forth  from the top, like weeds. I want to have the discipline to write a poem every day, to publish a book�� every couple of years, and to justify my closeted hope  of someday being important to someone; to write a couple’s love poem; to save one teenaged girl’s life with the right stanza; to be the face on the inside of a cover that made poetry real to someone. Instead, I am scribbling this poem on Post-It notes— an improvement over scrawling verse  on the thighs of my jeans  or the pale flesh of my forearms-- jostling with the motion of the car, hoping no one pays enough attention to me,  to wonder what I’m writing.

                                     - Bronwyn Hayes

[iamjustanobservation]

Playing With Fire

In the darkest hours... I have seen Fire dance seductively. Flickering her body ever so gently as she twists & turns Into forms that can only seem common to an exorcist. Her perfect form stands dominating the wick Upon which she sits, twists, and does tricks All while keeping a smiling face. Its her style and grace that makes me Question all of the things I have always known to be true. And all of the things I said I would not do Even if I had the chance to know how it feels to touch her. And though I know better... I can not control my desire To reach my hand up to her flame... I want to grow fond of playing with Fire. But she dances around my fingertips Making herself impossible to grip. Knowingly controlling me...

She continues with her arithmetic.

I can see why Satan loves her Hell, I would too as well Want to be condemned To the pits of her rivers for all the world's eternity. She seems so harmless, As she moves gracefully in the night. But its bittersweet as I peek, Into the light where she no longer shines. And as Darkness returns he confirms that... she will never be mine.

[iamjustanobservation]

Memories of Sweet Georgia Summer (Villanelle)

Brown sugar coated honeycombs

Left us with sticky fingertips;

You are the sweetest thing I have ever known.

Heart of a lion, I swore I was grown

But my child-hearted soul just could not resist

Brown sugar coated honeycombs.

Georgia Summer skyline’s reflection in our eyes—stoned.

Pungent flowers express themselves as our sanity unzips.

You are the sweetest thing I have ever known.

Georgia winds me into her arms when I fail to stand on my own

And when breathless, she guides me to your lips.

Brown sugar coated honeycombs.

Pinky promised secrets, our truth is sacredly unknown

To those who question our child-like gifts.

You are the sweetest thing I have ever known.

In summer nothing lasts regardless of the dandelions blown,

Georgia reminded our blind hearts that ignorance is bliss.

Brown sugar coated honeycombs,

You are the sweetest thing I have ever known.

[iamjustanobservation]

I Shall Not Live In Vain (The Homegoing of Laura B. Worlds)

If I can stop one Heart from breaking

I shall not live in vain

If I can ease one Life the Aching

Or cool one Pain

Or help one fainting Robin

Unto his Nest again

I shall not live in Vain.

                      -Emily Dickinson

[iamjustanobservation]

The warmth from his soul passed through the flesh of my thigh…

And found its way inside the tenderness of my core.

Songs of silence & peaceful breathing danced in the empty space…

Bodies full of life…stray…unconscious mind in reality.

Beings tangled in knots but distanced away in dreams…

It was all make believe…until God opened our eyes.

…I sigh…& check the time…

Good Morning.

Words Floating in my Mind...

[iamjustanobservation]

Mental homicide

as I collide every feeling I have ever felt

& any memory that I have ever kept of you

& destroy their existence.

Tired of the quiet nights when I reside alone                                                                                                                 & find my mind speaking with my heart reminiscing                                                                                                   about the times your heart was mine                                                                                                                              & how our souls would kiss…                                                                                                                                               & how stupid of them to never know                                                                                                                                    that one day those feelings would no longer exist. 

That day your lips spoke words                                                                                                                                  that I always knew but did not want to accept,                                                                                                                  that day your eyes shared secrets                                                                                                                                that I wish it would have kept. 

We could use all twenty six letters & create over a billion words to say,                                                                             but none of those words can bring us back to those days                                                                                                   & restore the feelings that I once felt. 

Its hard to accept the reality that our hearts will                                                                                                           no longer be dancing along the lines of love together.                          

But I promise to keep my promise to u                                                                                                                            & keep u n my heart forever…                                                                                                                                           as what can never be.

[iamjustanobservation]

Can I turn you on with these words…

That will be released from my lips

Instead of with my curves

And the shifts of my hips?

The opportunity to seduce you through a process of mental stimulation…leading to intellectual erections…climax of noetic ejaculations…

The Realest .... I Never Said...(a draft unpublished)

[iamjustanobservation]

Hypnotized…

Memorized whenever my thighs divide.

Can not believe it’s not butter the way it glides…inside…

Then rides through exstacy.

Cocaine high when we sexing see...our love is like no love…so for gloves…

No OJ murder scene.

Because I know of all his where abouts...and for those trouts…I do not care about

Cause there is no mouth for his south with better fitting.

Get what I’m hinting?

I got him sprung under all conditions.

And for his intentions…whatever I want…

Or my body is wishing…or my heart is missing.

Our souls is kissing…under our God.

A mirage of what He saw when He created them & demonstrated when

Love is shared amongst His men the way a woman can...

Seduce you & introduce you into some stuff u knew you shouldn’t do but

Your heart is screwed up and intertwined at her spine

So for her smile you find ways to remain blind…and follow.

Hoping her heart is not hollow.

Proof that pride is not hard to swallow.

Now his soul is what he endowed.

Oh yes he loves me like…

[iamjustanobservation]

is someone who we all have once had or a role that we all have once played.  They are that person that without a doubt we know will always be there for us.  No matter how many times we left their hearts hanging on a string, no matter how many times we have put them second to another, no matter how many tears & pieces we have shattered their heart & pride into, they will always accept us back & nurture our hearts back to life whenever all the others fail.

GUARANTOR (n.) A PERSON or entity that agrees TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANOTHER'S debt or PERFORMANCE under a contract, IF the OTHER FAILS TO pay or PERFORM

As a Love Guarantor, from experience, you hopelessly and continuously prove your loyalty and love for a person in hopes that they will one day open their eyes and realize that you are the perfect one for them.  You put up with so much, overlook the most, defer your pride, and willingly become so blind to the point where you end up losing your only true guarantor of love, yourself--(with the exception of God for the overly religious individuals.)

I am not bashing those who reap the benefits of having a Love Guarantor, because I myself am guilty of that act as well.  As a dependent, from experience, it is sort of kind of human nature that we confide in our Love Guarantors the way we do.  I mean we all want someone who we know has our best interests in their hearts and will be there forever and day, even if we do not feel the same way in return.  We tend to care for them simply for the fact that they care for us and it would just be rude to walk away from someone who genuinely cares for you.  Though it is actually the right thing to do...it is still hard...and it usually results in us draining a situation and allowing it to go too far.  

Maybe we feel as if one day the feelings will appear, but they never do.  Maybe we do it because we feel like one day we will get tired of looking for someone and just settle for the one who guaranteed us unconditional love some years ago.  Or maybe we are all just individuals who are addicted to the feeling of being loved. 

Whatever the reasons that may be behind this relationship...I only know that it is a very unhealthy situation regardless of what position you play.  But it happens.  And it will continue to happen because who would not love to be loved by the one who guarantees us love by any means possible?

.......don't worry I'll wait.

[iamjustanobservation]

Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.

Arabic Proverb   (via tayl0rrenee)

[iamjustanobservation]

Impatient taps of my foot creates a song of anticipation as I sit...

Patiently...

Waiting.

Silence whispers with my thoughts...

Instigating it to address the issue my mind suppresses.

The same one my hearts depresses

Because my soul is not ready to bare the weight.

But my thoughts submissions as I sit...

Patiently...

Waiting.

My thoughts confess how my mind thinks of you at all given moments.

And how my heart is hopelessly devoted to

...holding onto every memory of you interacting with my soul.

But due to my mind's lack of faith...

My lips have never told you exactly what my thoughts have always known.

And I as I sit patiently...

Waiting... I have came to realize that since the day I met you...

I have been sitting...

loving you...

All while patiently waiting for you...

To love me in return.

[iamjustanobservation]

[iamjustanobservation]

We are all just peasants with some flawed minds…

Obsessed with the “relevance” just for the small time… Being.

Seems we need every reason to believe in

Except the reason to believe in.

That the man who was beaten & left bleeding

Did so for our sins.

As for comparison to water

Blood is thicker.

But in that picture… I saw Him break bread with those…

And wine they toast.

And though we are taught not to...Jesus loved the hoes.

Nowadays we are fed by the media.

And oh we just eat it up.

No more reference to an encyclopedia…

We have google chrome & wikipedia

Oh plus World Star Hip Hop

Man when will this shit flop?

Where is our pit stop?

Swear our generation is running out of tick tocks.

But we care less…

As long as we impress…

With our coordinated Gshocks…

Vintage snapbacks…

And retro shoes.

Complain that we not winning…

When in reality we lose…

Because we choose.