iarareisstuff

[iarareisstuff]

Change

A whole life packed in a 25kg luggage has a moved to another country a year and 14 days ago. I was so scared, at the top of my 17 teenage rebellion I decided to change, to change the faint of young black people in my home town.

I looked up my options applied for 5 different universities in England and told my mom that I wanted to move out. She discouraged me from the jump. Why? You have a house just got offered a contract a your part time job. You are too young.

I just wanted to run away. Has a child I always felt this need to yell. It's like my emotions were overflowing and yelling them would relief me and make me so light I could float. So light no one or anything could contain me. So light that no matter how hard you squeeze or pressure I will still float abd expand everywhere.

But I never yelled, I never let those feelings out, I thought that moving would help, that I could run from my problems, run from familiar places, familiar faces, that I knew too well but didn't know me enough. I could run somewhere, nothing mattered and I could yell so loud I would float.

I thought that place was here but, things do matter, things are hard, overwhelming, my body feels heavier and there's this weight in my chest that follows me everywhere.

I say that I don't know often, because I am a self taught young adult, no one taught me how to cook, save money, apply for a job, invest money, interest rates, investments, self love, empathy or love for others. I am self taught, I made mistakes and my punishment is to go back.

To act like this year has never happened, act like I am still the same and live a mediocre life, in a mediocre job doing something god knows what.

If things don't go has planned I will have pack my life in 25kg luggage and change again. I am not excited but I am trying to stay positive even though this life has knocked me down one too many times for me to keep a smile on my face and a lively tone on my speech.

Well changes are coming regardless and stressing over them at 03:22 am might not be the way to go but anyway 😊

[iarareisstuff]

Year 2

Here I am, year 2 who would have thought.

This year was off to a rocky start, my sleeping pattern, not a pattern to be honest. My personal life was also very affect over the summer. My job, my circle of friends.

The first week of university was shockingly overwhelming. I got all the briefs, there was a lot of information, new lecturers has I was going through a lot.

The first week was a wake up call, that made me realise that I am actually building the foundation to my career has a designer. I was leaning towards illustration it has been a passion for a couple of years and I was always trying to do both. This year came to the realisation that I have an hard time deciding because I honestly don't know design, I don't know designers and I don't know what companies were out there.

I am researching and learning, and design is such has such a broad range of mediums, target audiences and approaches.

I don't want to switch courses anymore because illustration and graphics does not give me has many future work opportunities has a graphic designer.

[iarareisstuff]

That one time ☀💧

[iarareisstuff]

I entered the #dtiys challenge on instagram. It was really fun and I actually enjoyed drawing for the first time in a while. I want to grow my following and make a living out of it. Just throwing some positive words into the universe hoping it manifests. Anyway hope you like it, feel free to comment improvement tips, opinions and all of that. Stay great 💝

#art #blackgirl #colourful #crown #watercolor #illustration

[iarareisstuff]

Art and unpopular opinions about instagram

About illustration, I don’t know what I am doing at the moment. I have an art instagram https://www.instagram.com/iris_studio_/ and at some point I was drawing everyday. I want to start doing that again and last night at 2 am I had the urge to draw which let me clarify does NOT happen often. I just need to plan my feed better and manage my time better so that I can engage with more people and post more regularly without draining all my energy. It has been both frustrating and with a couple of fun surprises. I made a portrait of my favourite youtuber she liked it, ended up actually posting it in her story and we spoke for a lil bit. I participated in a couple of trendy challenges. I just need to figure out which way I want my art to go. In terms of style, themes, the visuals and message that I want to put out there. 

There is another issue with instagram, that makes me want to move my art into another social media. The algorithm is beyond messed up, most of my followers don't see what I post even when I am posting 4/5 times a week. Even though most of people I follow are artists and designers my feed is filled is with adds and "instagram baddies". They also want to remove the likes which at this point is just taking a piss. 

I don’t feel like instagram actually helps promoting art, artists or small businesses anymore, like they realised that people are actually making a living out of their app and they want a to profit from it. That’s why they keep making it harder and harder for an account to get more following without adds or buying followers. Well these were my unpopular opinions about instagram. Have a nice day. 

[iarareisstuff]

Summer

About summer. This summer didn’t feel like summer at all. No beach, most sunny days ended with rain, too cold for ice cream and too lonely to go out. Nothing feels the same and, honestly, nothing is the same anymore. The summer songs don’t make since here.  It wasn't a experience, it wasn’t a vibe, memories were not made. I feel like I was in a limbo for 3 months. I wouldn’t say that time went by slow or fast, it just went by. It felt like I was floating in the middle of the sea, I couldn't see shore or sky. Just water. And that feeling went on for days, weeks, months.

Not only summer but this whole year made me more numb. Happiness is not that happy and sadness doesn’t hurt has much, the sun doesn’t shine has bright, the dreams and and plans don’t fill my heart and evolve into something else, something new, fresh, passionate, exciting. 

It’s like I am a shadow of my self, dragging my real self down until we become one. Until the pain transcends barriers and it takes ove. I am not the same I can’t see the bigger picture, the rainbow after the rain, the good beyond the mediocre. 

I am tired, physically tired without doing anything. Each breath makes me sink a bit deeper,  disconnect a bit more. Guess it’s a great time to get creative. I don't make good art when I am happy. I am less present and distancing by the second, getting rid of all my baggage and feeling lighter. One day I will get so light that I will float away. Leave everything behind, towards greater things, greater knowledge, where the love we give is the love we get, where nothing matters, where everything we do is more fulling, more intense, where there’s no future or past just summer. Endless happiness and marshmallows.

But today I can’t fly, adulting is calling and I really have to answer. 

[iarareisstuff]

Rain on a sunny day

Like rain on a sunny day, this sadness hits me unexpectedly. I feel my body melting into the sheets and this bed. I am tired, not even tired I am numb. Days have not been the same for a while.

My room is a mess, my head is a mess and even though there is no reason to worry, I am still worried and lost.

Goals, dreams, plans, a schedule make us strive for greatness, keep me sane. I had goals, dreams. I know what to do to achieve what I wanted. I just don’t know if they are still my dreams or if, I am strong enough to  achieve them. It’s not even about strength, it’s about putting in that extra effort, being consistent, I am not consistent, I have never been. I am only consistent in my lack of consistency over the years.

My head hurts, my room seems oddly comfortable today and I don’t want to go anywhere. 

Tomorrow will be another day or maybe not. You never know, but I hope tomorrow is another day and I allow myself to strive for greatness.

See you in my next post  🌹.

[iarareisstuff]

Avengers:End game

Today morning I saw Endgame in the cinema and I have been in my feels ever since. Without giving spoilers things where going wild, a lot of girl power, people coming back from the dead, heads being chopped off, some amazing fighting scenes. Marvel surprised me a couple of times with the plot which doesn’t happen that often *no shade*. 

I missed the end because I had to wee and somehow I ended up in the fire exit. But it was pretty good not gonna lie. it is really hard to talk about  a movie when you can’t give spoilers but Monday expect a spoiler alert post. 

If you don’t see by then the spoiler is completely your fault.

[iarareisstuff]

“Adulting”

Here I am once again, has usually my life is starting to go on a bad spiral and it feels like “adulting” is not for me it feels like even when I have a plan, a backup plan and I am think I am ready for everything including the unexpected things I still fail. 

And I hate it, I hate having to rely on people, people are so difficult to trust and understand. I always had problems trusting and relying on people because I never had to before. But now, now that I am supposed to be “adulting” hard I need to deal with people and ask for help and it’s so hard to let my guards down and let people in. 

But I guess that’s life a endless cicle of good and bad moments, were you have to grow and suffer, and deal with problems and people and situations that in the perfect world you would not have to deal with. But the world isn’t perfect and life isn’t perfect either. 

Nothing is perfect and adulting is not a word it’s just something that you have to do. See you in my next post peeps, hopefully with better news and more positive energy 🌸.

[iarareisstuff]

Submission

Here I am at 23:43 finishing up the work for submission tomorrow, I have printed all my individual work and I am fairly confident about it. But has I opened the file for the group footer I realised that because all the gifs were saved in Lukas computer don’t have anyone’s gifs. 

I honestly don’t know what to do and I am thinking if the same is going to happen once I submit my work to Paula’s module. Just shoot me, it would hurt less. I don’t know what to do, probably I am going to fail submitting this assignment, I am so tired I ,made everything before hand so that I could plan my vacation to Portugal to see my family and enjoy happy stress free moments, and now here I am not happy or stress free I just can’t. Let me just go to the third floor and check if I can fly real quick. 

Guess we are pulling an all nighter again and feeding of coffee and nicotine, see you in my next post if I survive until then 🌸.

After submitting I realised that I can’t edit my submission, I just died but it’s fine.

[iarareisstuff]

Design

Netflix has this series called “Abstract-Art of Design” a friend recommended it to me a couple of months ago, we watched half of an episode together because in her own words “I don’t think I am artsy fartsy enough for this”- she studies psychology.

I started watching it again. Each episode has a different designer talking about his life and his creative process. I am still on the first episode and Christoph Niemann is the designer on this episode.

He said that “Design celebrates the world” one drawing can make you realise your fears, that you love someone. He produces constantly and looks at design has a sport that should be practice constantly. 

He said that the work he makes is better when he is under some pressure or stress, his work hours are strict and I feel like that could help me with being a better professional, more responsible and actually have time to enjoy. 

In the episode he was asked to do life actions such has brushing his teeth, he replied the magic his in the mystery. “In Charlie Brown you never see the parents you only ear their distorted voices”, has soon has you show too much there is nothing to expect or be excited for. 

I feel like the series is going to be very interesting and, I will learn a lot and meet a lot of different designers in multiple areas of design. I would advise everyone to watch it because it’s a one season show and the episodes are not that long. 

This is this weeks post feel free to comment some cool series, here’s my social media if you want to see more of my work https://www.instagram.com/iris_studio_/ .

See you in my next post 🌸.

[iarareisstuff]

Update on life

I have been in England for seven months and 9 days and it has been one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I have traveled before I have been in France, Nederlands, Cape Verde, but I always had my family and friends to support me and encourage me.

I feel like coming to England has made me much more confident, because I can’t rely on my friends or my family to reassure me that I am doing a good job even when they don’t actually know what I am doing.

I love my family and my friends, I still miss them but I feel like being away has pushed me, I feel like I am not the same person anymore. 

In 14 days I will be in the plane on my way to Portugal. It’s not has if I am not excited but Portugal doesn’t feel like home anymore. I don’t feel like I have a home anymore. 

I am looking for a new house for next semester, somewhere I can be me, make my room more mine, put some pictures on the wall, get some candles, create some painting on an actual canvas I honestly miss it. I want a new job as well, something less stressful and more consistent so that I don’t have to stress over money and coworkers. 

I am getting my life together and the assignments are getting together. I just hope I don’t fail the year that would be a bummer I am trying really hard this time. Wish me luck peeps see you in my next post 🌼.

[iarareisstuff]

About the deadlines

On my last post about deadlines I was trying to stay positive and show that I am a changed person and how much I improved has a student and a person. I was kinda confident  but has the deadline gets closer I am struggling to actually finish it. Because I have been looking at it for a while I don’t like it that much anymore, I like but I don’t anymore. 

This part of the assignment is close to being finished the website is the one that has me struggling it’s so hard to put what I want in code. 

Youtube videos have been my best friend but it’s so confusing because there are so many different codes for the same result. And it takes s loooong. It’s frustrating and I don’t actually understand why I need this because nowadays there are many templates online and no one uses html and css to create websites, but I have to do it so.

About the group work we have not meet up in a while and I am not sure about what is going on to be honest. I have been focusing more on my individual work and on my recess but since the submission is getting close I feel like we should meet up. 

I can say that I wasn’t good with the group work thing, I could have communicated more with my colleagues , done more work and on time. The semester is finished now so I just need to make sure we can submit on time.

[iarareisstuff]

Group work 

So about group work fellas, this as been a roller coster and I admit that I didn’t deal with it the best way at times. Sometimes while doing group work I compare the work done by the group to what I would do and I find it hard for me to communicate and my timing is a bit of has well. Because we are 4 in the group I used to think that we could just divide the work and each those their part and it would be much easier, but as time went by I understood that there needs to be communication and interaction with the group.

And as a member I should show up more often, and do work with the group in class and not on my own. These are 2 viewports of an app idea that we are developing that I made while in class. Of course if it was a individual work I would make some minor changes. But has a group we decided that these would the the colors and the grid. Tomorrow I will send the information remaining to the group and finally close this assignment. 

[iarareisstuff]

Update on the last two weeks

I have not been very active here lately, at least not as much as I would like to, even though I made plans they didn't go has planned and I am running after the deadlines. I was able to post on the instagram . I really want it to work and I am excited to have another platform where I can show of my art and share it with people. The problem is my page is growing pretty slow and I feel like most of my followers are not exactly my target audience.

They are just random people that follow me to get a follow back and they don't engage much with my content. I have been looking at other artists and saw some tips and trips on how to get a bigger following.

I have been trying my best to keep it as professional as possible by only sharing art related content, I have not been very consistent I feel like maybe I should be posting more often and get the quality of the pictures higher, that might help. Also I should be promoting my new instagram on my personal instagram since I have a much bigger following there. But I am just shy I don't want my friends to see it if that makes any sense.. It probably doesn't.

Anyway tomorrow I am getting a camera and getting new pictures on the gram, some throwbacks. And promote it in my personal instagram histories, I will share it with my friends and stop over thinking it. See you in my next post about how bad I am with group work and how this university life might not be for me. This week either I glow u and blossom like a flower or, I give up, trip and fall over a knife, so stay tuned 🌻🔪.

Here's my instagram by the way feel free to take a 👀 https://www.instagram.com/iris_studio_/ (I need to drop this joke, but it's fine ahah)

[iarareisstuff]

Plans

About the plans for the week I failed already a couple of them, to be honest. I have been sick coughing and sneezing all over the place but I am getting better and I am still on time to achieve them. I think I might be allergic to something because I am sick most of the time I need to go to the doctor but I hate taking pills.

I have been taking my pills, tea, eating fruits and my hydration levels are on drowning, so I should be fine in a couple of days.

Send help kids, see you in my next post 🌷

[iarareisstuff]

Number four 💕

i think we’re alone now ☂️

my art