idealistings

[idealistings]

            THE  ROLES  seem  to  find  themselves  reversed  :   the  chased  now  the  chaser  ,   begging  for  an  INKLING  of  an  explanation   .    (   remember  the  days  you  used  to  SCOFF  at  her  :  how  naive  she  was  to  follow  her  mother's  word  like  gospel  ---  you'd  thought  she  followed  her  instead  of  some  god  in  the  SKY  .  but  you  sit  here  ,  revering  and  going  to  battle  for  a  dead  man  who  couldn't  care  to  give  you  the  time  .   oh  ,   how  you  two  are  doomed  to  repeat  the  CYCLE  that  you  swore  you'd  never  be  a  part  of  .   )   lulu's  expression  tries  not  to  SOUR  at  the  other's  words  ,  almost  shying  away  from  the  FLATNESS  ,  nose  scrunching  up  at  the  CIGARETTE  the  other  takes  a  drag  from  .    "   no   !   i'm  working  on  my  pHD  in  as---  "    but  something  in  bottom  of  throat  will  STOP  her  from  saying  more   .   she's  being  sarcastic  lulu  .  SARCASM   .   instead  ,  will  shove  one  hand  into  pocket of  SWEATPANTS  ,   pout  rolling  over  her  features  ,   stuffed  blue  dog  hanging  in  crook  of  her  arm   .

          "   i  think  he  would've  really  wanted  you  to  be  there  ,   y'know  ?   "    her  voice  is  soft  ,  shying  AWAY  ,   almost  shameful  .  "   your  mom  came  to  visit  me  a  few  days  later  ,  too  .  she  probably  didn't  tell  you  ,  right  ?   ...   are  you  guys  ...  you  know  ,  still  in  contact  ,  even  ?   "

@maudestia !

         she'd rather run, rather sprint  for the finish line,  off the cliffs,  straight into the ocean.  hestia has also had enough sessions with her therapist to know it's avoidance,  a coping mechanism to not acknowledge  the lingering guilt  of her actions in high school.  the professionals had told her  it's not her fault,  she didn't have a choice of where to grow.  hestia didn't choose her parents,  where she grew up.  but there were still choices she could've made.  compassion she could have lent,  a true helping hand,  instead of listening to her mother's words  -  instead of hanging on her every demand,  requests.  on the journey to becoming the best possibel daughter for her mother.  isn't that what every daughter aimed for ?  girl was so clouded by her own  need  to praised,  to be loved,  to be shown her parents cared about their daughter,  that she never looked at how her own actions affected the people surrounding her.  lulu,  peter  -  neither was an exception to this rule.    "right on the nose, lulu. did you learn to mind read in college?"   and well,  there's certainly no point in denying it.  everyone's business was out and coming,  why not her own ?   "no."  the word is short,  she shakes her head,  brown eyes flickering back up to the other's.  

        slender fingers lip a cigarette to her lips,  lighter flicks as she sucks in,  nose crinkling.   "to both. why are you asking questions you already know the answer to?"

[idealistings]

[idealistings]

         it's  hard  not  to  recognize  the  things  she  spent  their  childhood  looking  out  for  :  the  familiar  drawl  on  lips  and  ALL  TOO  comfortable  physical  contact  ,  she  almost  freezes  SOLID  at  his  touch  .   (     just  how  long  will  it  take  for  him  to  come  crawling  back  ?    asking  you  to  pick  him  up  again  ?     you're  bitter  and  BURNED  by  the  man  in  front  of  you  ,  and  yet  ,  and  yet  ,  and  yet  ...   you  don't  move  .  not  immediately  .   )    lulu  to  look  over  at  the  OTHER  ,  features  almost  unreadable  .  it's  been  years  .  it  has  to  have  been   ---  and  still  ,  she  persists  .  SOME  THINGS   never  change  .  some  things  never  change  .

         lulu  to  look  up  to  tae  ,  something  akin  to  concern  lingering  on  COUNTENANCE  ,  gentle  hand  to  slide  his  arm  off  her  SHOULDER  ,   putting  a  respectable  ,  POINTED  distance  between  them  .  a  swallow  ,  eyes  flickering  up  to  him  .  and  then  ,  gently  ,  softly  ,  barely  above  a  whisper  ,  waving  off  cigarette  ,   "   tae  ---  are  you  ...  sober  ...  ?   "   it's  the  only  thing  she  can  offer  out  ,  eyebrows  knitting  together  .  what  a  way  with  words  she  has  ,  even  after  all  this  time  .   "   i  ---  maybe  you  shouldn't  be  in  line  for  the  ride  ...  you might get sick . "

@taejvns !

@classcursestarters

striking bright orange star-shaped sunglasses belonging to a stranger are covering half of his face. an unlit cigarette between his lips that he keeps forgetting to light, taejin is not exactly sober, but he's in a half-space between the two, flickering in and out of intoxication with the breeze of the wind. waiting for the pill to kick in and drag him down, deeper into the rabbit hole. distracted by the bright colourful lights that cut into his vision, he follows them like a trail up to one of the carnival rides and finds himself in a queue. there's someone before him, but it doesn't hold him back from wrapping an arm around their shoulder, he's never been a stranger to personal space. “ hey-yoo, ” he sing-songs, lips creasing into a grin around the cigarette, “ enjoying yourself ? ”

[idealistings]

         SHE  ALWAYS  comes  back  to  him   .    it's  written  in  the  stars  ,  even  now  ,  even  now  .  clings  to  the  stuffed  animal  that  looks  strangled  in  racer's  grasp  ,  almost  begging  for  REPRIEVE  ,  but  she  doesn't  let  go  ,  even  now  .  (   heart  seems  to  know  where  it  belongs  .  it's  with  him  ,  it's  with  him ,  it's  always  with  him  .  it's  always  been  him  ,  hasn't  it  ?   )   instead  sidles  up  to  him  with  that  KNOWING  look  she  seems  so  keen  on  giving  him  ,  scrutinizing  gaze  ,  pulling  blue  stuffed  monkey  close  to  her  .       "     man   ,  'lias   .  you  know  you  actually  have  to  ,  yanno  ...  hit  the  targets  ,  right  ?   trust  me  ,   i'm  a  PROFESH  .    "    holds  up  the  stuffed  monkey  to  him  ,   girlish  grin  appearing  on  LIPS  .

          oh  ,  this  feeling  ;  spent  years  chasing  it  ,   like  addict  after  high  ,  this  blooming  feeling  that  she  could  never  get  from  anywhere  ,  anyone  else  .    "    your  aim  SERIOUSLY  has  not  gotten  better  since  high  school  .  s'why  we  never  played  overwatch  together  ,   "   lulu  mumbles  gently  ,  catching  eye  contact  ,  but  then  ,  as  if  remembering  a  MEMORY  she  had  buried  in  the  back  of  her  mind   ,  flush  reaches  and  tints  cheeks  ,  ears  ,  looking  away  from  the  other  ,    "   come  on  ,   you  gotta  hit  at  least  ONE  target  .  for  me  .  "

who: @buffooneurs where: carnival !

[idealistings]

               AND THERE  IT  IS  :    the  bitterness  from  her  parents'  still  hanging  on  her  tongue  ,  on  her  FORM  ,  taut  and  pulled  away  ,  darts  still  lingering  between  FINGERTIPS  ,   begging  to  be  thrown  ,  to  pop  the  balloons  .   as  if  that  would  somehow  break  the  tension  between  the  two  .    (      you  could've  been  friends  ,  you  know  .  like  ,  actual  friends  .   but  somewhere  between  your  parents  secluded  discussions  and  the  looks  exchanged  with  the  other's  mother  ,  you  knew  .  YOU  KNEW  .  you  weren't  going  to  let  there  be  a  chance  .   )      instead  ,  lulu's  eyes  will  tear  away  from  HESTIA  ,  aiming  for  a  bright  blue  balloon  ,   which  pops  as  soon  as  the  SHARP  EDGE  touches  rubber  .          "      did  you  not  show  up  to  his  FUNERAL  cause  your  mom  was  there  ...  ?   "         a  pause  ,  large  lump  in  her  throat  .   she  didn't  like  hestia  ,  not  REALLY  ,  but  her  parents  did  .  her  dad   did  .   WHAT  A  GOOD  KID  ,   he'd  proclaim  ,   WISH  YOU'D  BEEN  A  LITTLE  MORE  LIKE  YOUR  FRIEND  .   INVITE  HER  AND  HER  MOTHER  OVER  FOR  DINNER  .  THEY'D  LIKE  THAT  .         "   she  left  a  condolence  card  and  bouquet  .   signed  your  name  too   ,     "     lulu  offers  softly   ,    "   that  wasn't  you  ,  right  ?   "     

           POP   !    another  balloon  down  ,   as  she  reaches  out  for  the  cheap  stuffed  animal  ,   a  blue  dog  ,  pulling  it  close  to  her  , finding solace in new security blanket .      "    did  you  even  know  he  died   ?   "

who: @maudestia where: carnival !

[idealistings]

        lulu  opens  the  top  of  one  of  the  four  CRATES  in  front  of  her  ,  before holding  out  a  dark  maroon  colored  crewneck  out  to  [  your  muse  ]  .   gentle  and  awkward  smile  to  linger  on  lips  ,  as  she  nods  ,  pushing  it  into  their  arms  .   "  i  know  the  university  swag  is  just  supposed  to  be  for  the  kids  ,  but  ...  as  a  thanks  for  listening  to  me  yap  while  i  LOAD  my  car  .  "    she  closes  the  CRATE  and  the  trunk  of  car  .

      maybe  she  should've  stayed  at  her  HOUSE  instead  of  a  hotel  since  coming  back  HOME  ,  but  ...  fear  is  a  deep  seeded  bastard  in  the  base  of  her  throat  , so  tonight'll  be  the  first  night  in  years  she's  stayed  at  childhood  home  ---  at  least  since  dad's  been  gone  .  features  will  BLANCHE  into  thin  line  , as  she  tries  to  offer  [  your  muse  ]  another  smile  ,  leaning  on  her  trunk  ,  beeping  her  car's  lock  to  make  it  unlock  .   "   thanks  again  for  your  help  .  if  you  need  me  ,  i'll  probably  be  talking  to  the  ghosts  in  my new ... er , old , place  .  recreating  paranormal  activity  .  you  know  me  . if  you  see  me  on  the  news  after  i'm  possessed  by  a  demon  ,  remember  me  fondly  ,  okay  ?  "

where: outside of oceanfront hotel who: @classcursestarters & your muse !

[idealistings]

RUBY BELL, JAMES BEAUFORT — in MAXTON HALL: THE WORLD BETWEEN US

[idealistings]

𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙛 , 𝙞𝙛 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 ?

ALUNE LULU KIM has registered to be a guest speaker at new horizon's high ! we ask you to take this opportunity to ask this alumni about her pursuit of higher education , and rumour has it ... she even brought some free swag from the university of chicago !

death , car accidents , cancer , neglect tw !

basics:

name: alune kim nicknames: only responds to lulu age: 27 , 04/20/1997 pronouns: she/they sexuality: pansexual physicalities: at 5'0" with a slightly athletic build , lulu seems to not have grown much since high school . her hair flips between being brunette and blonde , and while her instagram has both , she's currently a brunette , with her hair looking healthy despite how many times it's been dyed . she has scars from the car accident as a teenager on her body , completely healed , but jagged edges and raised lines on her legs where they had been near crushed in the accident . face claim: lee ji eun personality : bright , intelligent lulu , falls victim to a bit of social awkwardness and validation from others --- always trying to make sure everyone is happy , even at her own expense . with a penchant for adrenaline rush , lulu found herself doing dares that often teetered the line of dangerous --- if only to herself . a bit childish and needy , lulu is a bit dense when it comes to other's emotions to her , and groups : science club ( president ) , track ( 100 & 200 m )

why is lulu back ?

lulu's been in therapy since what she's dubbed the 'chris incident' , and while she likes to think she's grown up since then , she still wants to believe that the people she loved and grew up with are innocent , and good people --- that no one could have done anything wrong . sure , they were hooligans , but they were all kids ! who wasn't a troublemaker at that age? she knows that if something happened , that it had to have been a mistake . a part of her returns to regain some kind of closure , some kind of insight as to what happened , because she knew her classmates , her friends . they were sometimes mean , sometimes jerks , but not … not that mean . not KILLERS . she wants to talk to the people in her class , try and see if they're willing to be a little more open than they were ten years ago , to see if maybe they can come to a conclusion --- maybe they can be friends again . & it's always been in her nature to try and give back to the people that helped her --- she couldn't have fell in love with astronomy and physics without her beloved science club , and she wouldn't have started pursuing her astrophysics pHD if it weren't for that silly little club and a lost boy who probably didn't even remember her name the last time they interacted .

background: death , neglect , cancer , car accident tw

alune was adopted by her parents at a young age ( from what she remembers her mother telling her , her college roommate had a kid she didn't want --- ) ; a wealthy couple that was struggling to have their own children , and despite this all , she found herself growing up in a very lonely , very empty house . her mother paid her very little mind and her father was out on business almost constantly , leaving her to her own devices quite often . they did love her , in their own way , she'll insist , and speak of the times where her parents took her to the carnival and different fairs that were held --- but she won't remember all the arguing and fighting they did while she was on the ride . her mother passed away in her freshman year of high school , and her father barely paid attention to her after that --- and so all the things she did in school was to try and get some kind of validation from him , to prove that she's not just some deadweight daughter . perfect gpa , perfect scores , perfect school --- but he barely blinked at her . at school , lulu was kind of a drifter . a wallflower , maybe girl next door type . kind to everyone , if not a bit naive and sensitive . she's often the girl people would go to if they needed help in class , or needed to copy down homework before class that day --- and she'd happily accept , if only after teasing them beforehand . she ran the science club , where she had most of her older friends that graduated and left the club to her --- and track . she didn't really have a solid friend group though , often described as a social blender --- good wherever you stick her , but not actual group of friends to call home . lulu , in her own spur of rebellion , often found herself going towns or cities over , enamored with the street racing scene --- admittedly , an upperclassmen from science club had introduced her to it in high school , and it became a heavy source of found family for her . with little to no attention at home , and not a solid friend group at school , the kids from other schools welcomed her ( and her family's money … ) , where she got dangerously addicted to the high of going fast and being one of the best as a newcomer . expensive cars , going fast , ruining her tires , a FAMILY … she couldn't ask for more . the one time lulu's dad paid her any mind was when she had ended in the hospital after one of the boy's she was riding with ended with their car wrapped around the pole , severely injuring lulu and the driver having died , one of her closest friends in the group . thinking that her father had come to see that she was alive and okay --- only to be met with a grounding and scolding for her to be "wasting her life away committing crimes" "this'll ruin any chance at ivy league schools" "you're ruining the family name" and she was angry . so angry that this one moment is the thing her dad decides to fixate on , not any of her achievements , not anything , just her one failure --- the one that caused her to lose her friend . she seemed to shrink back from everyone , becoming a little more quiet . "fuck your dad. do what you want," she remembers chris uttering over the waterbottle he waterfalled from --- having forgotten his after the meet . she watched her drink the last of her water , but didn't say anything . "you're way too smart to be held back by anyone, let alone your dad." and she took that to heart . although her and chris were nothing more than after school acquaintences, sharing some stories during track , talking about things and people the other party were never going to be friends with , venting and listening until practice was over. never really friends inside of school ; never sat together at lunch , but she'd make it a point to wave to him from her table , and he'd occasionally wave or smile back. it's always nice to know you have a friend on the otherside of the wall , you know ?

lulu dipped as soon as she could after graduation , attending uchicago's astrophysics program , where she's currently attending their pHD astrophysics program. her father passed away a few years ago when she was 24 , but she was able to air some grievances and speak with him . while they had a strained relationship , at the end of his battle with cancer , she was the one with him and signed his DNR . everything in terms of money had been left to her , leaving her to inherit the house as well as his money , as well as the house near her old school . a large hollow house she grew up hating, and yet she still struggles to sell it , even now . lulu still street races . god . she loves it . it's the one way to get her mind off of everything , even though her therapist will constantly tell her not to do it . it's not odd to see her hanging out with faces the class won't recognize --- kids from other schools she grew up with when street racing and finding family with them . while she doesn't really keep in contact with a lot of people from her class , she's been in contact with them over the years , coming back to visit them , and only them . she has a two published papers with a few others which is probably one of the reasons they reached out to her / requested her as a guest speaker . after all , everyone loves a child prodigy.

wanted plots:

anything . please dear god message me i'm such a weenie. jk ill update this more when i have an idea but >< ....... i have a wanted plot tag HERE , but if u have any ideas just slam them in2 my messages bc tbh .... im down for anything

[idealistings]

HOTEL DEL LUNA 호텔 델루나 2019, dir. Oh Choong-Hwan

[idealistings]

DAISY JONES & THE SIX Episode 6: Whatever Gets You Thru The Night

[idealistings]

Perfect Sense dir. David Mackenzie 

[idealistings]

George Seferis, from Collected Poems; "Memory I" (tr. Edmund Keeley and Philip Sherrard)

[Text ID: I whispered: memory hurts wherever you touch it,]