ilabagaria - Tumblr blog

[ilabagaria]

“forgive all the versions of yourself that operated out of fear instead of growth, the ones that viewed comfort zones as safe havens and abandoned boundaries to keep other people happy, forgive all the versions of yourself that didn’t know that love begins with how you treat you.”

— iambrillyant

[ilabagaria]

No, you aren't "behind in life".

But, it's okay to grieve the time you spent surviving. The time spent trying to figure out what was wrong. The time spent healing to become a person again.

It wasn't your fault.

[ilabagaria]

YOUR FEELINGS MAKE SENSE!!! CONSIDERING EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN YOUR LIFE UP UNTIL THIS POINT, THE WAY YOU FEEL IS THE REASONABLE RESULT OF IT ALL. It dosen’t absolve you of examining your behavioral patterns or regulating your reactions, but GIVE YOURSELF SOME GRACE. YOU’RE REACTING EXACTLY HOW SOMEONE IN YOUR EXACT PRECISE SITUATION, WITH YOUR EXACT SAME PAST WOULD REACT. like, why wouldn’t you feel that way?

[ilabagaria]

if you don’t know how to gain trust in yourself: extract it from how far you’ve already come, the things you thought would hold you back but didn’t, the times you survived, the forgiveness you’ve granted others, the effort you have put in.

[ilabagaria]

[ilabagaria]

[ilabagaria]

[ilabagaria]

what i will do with my life i find it strange.. like what was my fault.. why life had to be so cruel to me? All i wanted was to be happy with him all my life. To spend a happy and healthy life with him. And he is gone. I loved my mother and she left.. and now him, i loved him unconditionally, why god took him away? After making me feel soo loved..both of them left me... they pampered me so much, now what should i do.. how to live?

I was healing from mum's death, then my from my own health issues.. he was by my side and it made me feel loved...yes i felt alone sometime cause i was grieving.. but now he is gone too and im not sure what to feel... here everyone cares for me too much that i am afraid to show how broken i am feeling, but at the same time im kind of empty.. numbness... i am getting crazy i guess.. still cant show it..

Yes i wanted to get married, to create a happy place, happy home with him. I wanted to feel homely with him and it is all a mess now.. and now.. what should i do?

11 and half years with you... i dont know how to go on anymore

Its like i am a robot now.. cant feel it fully.. kinda numb... but i miss you soo much

Im missing you so much..

Its consuming me slowly, but no more tears left... what is happening to me? Am i turning into a rock.. half rock half human..

10 feb 2023

[ilabagaria]

[ilabagaria]

[ilabagaria]

this whole “never repeat outfits” shit is not working for me. i get attached to one oversized sweater and that’s all you’ll see me in for a week

[ilabagaria]

More than anything I genuinely want this year to be gentle. Not too much cussing and over thinking. Going out more, taking more pictures. I just want things to align effortlessly.

[ilabagaria]

Kill that urge to be chosen. Choose yourself!

[ilabagaria]

friendly reminder that I am still smart when I wear my hair in pigtails

wearing a skirt to a lecture doesn't erase the 4.0GPA that got me here

doing my makeup in the morning doesn't erase the fact that I'm two years ahead in English

I am still smart when I look feminine

[ilabagaria]

[ilabagaria]

trauma is trauma. it doesn't matter if "it could have been worse." what matters is how it impacted you. there's no such thing as invalid or trivial trauma.

[ilabagaria]

Just read that "do things from love, not for love."