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Lucifer: She does the detecting, I do the insulting.

Chloe: Consulting.

Lucifer: That too.

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Lucifer *to anyone*: If I’m really as evil as you say I am, then have God strike me down where I stand.

*Lightning strikes Lucifer*

Lucifer: Ha! Nice try, jackass! Next time, give it your A-game!

Chloe *facepalms*

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Linda: Why is when something happens it's always you three?

Chloe, Lucifer, and Maze: ...

Chloe: Believe me, Linda. I've been asking myself the same question for six years.

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Chloe: Did you do it?

Maze and Lucifer: Something goes wrong, you blame me! After all these years, where's the trust?!

Chloe: ...

Maze and Luifer: ...Yeah, we did it.

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Lucifer: I've made riskier decisions.

Linda: Don't sound proud about it!

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Lucifer: I can take the pain.

Chloe: You can’t talk to Marcus for more than ten minutes.

Lucifer: Well, there’s pain and there’s torture.

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Pierce: Thanks for the lift.

Lucifer: I was trying to run you over.

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*Looking at an embarrassing photo of Dan*

Dan: Why do you still have that?!

Lucifer: Because it brings me joy. You're supposed to keep the things that bring you joy you know.

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Chloe, on a call with Lucifer: Lucifer, are you in my house?

Lucifer: Please Detective. I have not snuck into your house for weeks. Which reminds me, you are all out of peanut butter.

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Maze: I’m a moderate, peaceful, and godly woman, truth be told.

Ella: Just yesterday you threw a chair at Lucifer...

Maze: Yes, which was a moderate, peaceful, and godly compromise from the table I was initially planning on launching at that bastard.

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Maze: We need a plan... How long can you hold your breath underwater?

Dan: I don't know.

Maze: Are you familiar with the term 'slam and cram'?

Dan: No, and I don't think I want to be.

Maze: How attached are you to your pinky?

Dan: Very, very attached, and before you ask another terrifyingly vague question, let me be clear; any plan that involves even one of those scenarios isn't going to work for me.

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Maze, seeing Lucifer in the distance, running towards him: Lucifer! Lucifer!

Lucifer, running towards Maze: Maze!

Maze: Lucifer!

Lucifer: Maze!

Maze: Lucifer!

Lucifer: Maze!

Maze, starting to get angry running towards him: Lucifer!!!

Mouse: Maze??

Maze, angry: LUCIFER!!!

Lucifer, running opposite direction while Maze chasing him: Oh Sugar, Honey, Iced Tea!

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Maze, babysitting Trixie: I promise I won't bite!

Maze, later: I actually did bite a kid once.

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God: I'm sure everything you’ve been through made you stronger.

Lucifer: It absolutely did not. It did make me funnier though.

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Ella: It feels like you're being a little harsh.

Maze: Thanks, good note. I was going for extremely harsh. I'll turn it up.

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Lucifer: I'm a responsible adult.

Chloe: [raises eyebrow]

Lucifer: I'm an adult.

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Lucifer, when he misinterprets a situation: What's a great "I'm sorry" gift?

Linda: Changed behavior.