incorrectrcrpquotes - Tumblr blog

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Ottawa: My talents include parallel parking, and overreacting about absolutely everything, and drinking.

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[skipping stones on a lake]

Ontario: It's such a beautiful evening.

Québec, whispering: Take that you fucking lake.

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Hamilton: Do you care if I take the skin off the Furby

Hamilton: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of Us.

Hamilton: Also I want to softhack his circuits

Toronto: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again

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Ottawa: Shut up everybody, shut up! Don’t move, don’t speak, don’t breathe, I’m trying to think. Toronto, face the other way, you’re putting me off.

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New Brunswick: I can’t believe I found this muscle shirt.

Nova Scotia: That’s a sports bra.

New Brunswick: All I know is that I’m finally getting the support I need.

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Saskatoon: You're smiling, did something good happen?

Edmonton: Can't I just smile because I feel like it?

Winnipeg: Cal tripped and fell in the parking lot.

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Canada: I know we get in trouble all the time and generally don't act like a unified dominion...

Ontario: This country operates more like a slapstick situational comedy about a drug cartel.

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Calgary: Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now, that the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

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Winnipeg: You look pretty.

Vancouver: What'd you say?

Winnipeg: Uh, I said you look shitty. Goodnight, Van!

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Québec: I am not "full of hate" as if I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, and my rage is a renewable resource, like sunshine.

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Gatineau: [stops drinking six litres of beer] Oh, my god. I can't feel my arm.

Ottawa: [touches Gabriel’s arm] I can.

Gatineau: Thank god. [continues drinking six litres of beer]

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Alberta: They're so fast!

British Columbia: Ont's pulling ahead though. I think. Is Ont the jet-plane firing out unicorns, or the gun with my mother's face?

Alberta: B.C., how much of that stuff did you have?!

British Columbia: I DON'T REMEMBER, MAN! I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM!

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Ontario: Is there anyone here who's not gay?

Alberta: [raises hand]

Saskatchewan: [pulls Berta's hand down]

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Vancouver: If I die, I wanna die smoldering hot.

Toronto: I wanna die ugly and pantless

Winnipeg: I just wanna die.

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Montréal: Tired of people always telling me to "go to the hospital" and that I’ve "lost a lot of blood." It’s my severe head injury, not yours. Stay out of it.

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Manitoba: I think I pulled a muscle.

Alberta: Mani, you can't pull what you don't have.

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Saskatchewan: You can't solve your problems with sad flute music!

Manitoba, holding a flute: I can try!