innerthoughts0w0

[innerthoughts0w0]

inspired by a VERY excited tag someone left on a pic of a minoan-style squid

[innerthoughts0w0]

You have a spot in the woods you go to cry. It’s hidden where nobody can hear or find you. You sit along the riverbank and weep, and when you’re spent with dried tears on your cheeks, you dip your toes in the water and watch the moon. You think you’re alone, unheard and unseen. But you don’t know about the orc who lives on the other side of the river. Secluded in his small cottage, obstructed by thick trees, he’s noticed you returning to this spot across the river.

He calls you his “little doe” to himself, because you look so delicate, sweet, and pretty. Like you’d run away if he were to approach you. You may be at a distance, but he can still see the stars reflect in your glossy tear-filled eyes.

What pains my little doe?, he’ll think to himself. He sits by his window and watches you, longing to comfort you, to stroke your soft hair and wipe your tears. He doesn’t know you, but it hurts him to see you with your face in your hands, wailing and trembling. He daydreams of scooping you up in his sturdy arms and taking you back to his cottage. And on some days, he thinks about how he’d never let you leave. How could he allow you to face what makes you hurt? How could he see his sweet little doe suffer ever again? You wouldn’t need anything out there, it would only harm you, stain your pretty eyes red. He’d even wipe the dribbling snot from your nose. Yes, his safe cottage, warm bed, and loving arms are exactly what you need…

[innerthoughts0w0]

Being hired by a fox hybrid as a helper to him and his kits, their mother passed during birth, and he has been fighting to keep going for them, finally buying into a service helper scheme and landing with you, someone who was promised to be able to help him and his little ones.

Entering the house and getting a single moment before you're being clambered up on by three hyper little fox kits, each one a little yipping ball of curiosity, adjusting your quick hold to cradle two in your arms as the third climbs to sit on your shoulders, parting your hair and looking at your ears in wonder.

The three have never seen a human as their father apologizes for their excitement, guiding you towards the living room and helping you sit with the kids as they continue to examine you and chitter between each other.

In his mind, it's strange to see someone cradling his little ones like that. It looks right seeing his kids in your arms, but you just got here, and he really can't afford to scare you off by blurting out how good you look handling his kids on your first ever meeting.

Listening to the dad's exhausted voice as the little ones grab at your fingers and poke at your nails, comparing your rounder ones to their small claws. Offering him a soft smile as you tell him that you're here to help and will try your best to make this easier for him, getting the kids to help carry your bags into your room is easy, but keeping them from rummaging through them after is a little harder.

Once you're finally settled into the room, it's dinner time, helping the little ones get ready and into their chairs as their dad serves up a very basic meal. You assure him it's okay, watching how his ears fold down, and he curls his tail around himself as he places your plate in front of you.

Bedtime is all excitement and shadowing the dad as he struggles to keep the kits focused on his attempts to get them to brush their teeth and not flood you with more questions, each one trying to talk around the brush as they look at you in the mirror.

It's adorable how they blink sleepily in their beds, heads nodding off as they try to ask just one more question before sleep takes them, leaving the three little hybrids in their room as you head back to the living room with their dad. Sitting with him as he tells you how hard it is with work and trying to manage three little foxes, placing a hand on his shoulder and assuring him you will be here till he has a handle on things.

[innerthoughts0w0]

every time an insurance company denies a lifesaving/ sustaining medication they should have their kneecaps shattered

[innerthoughts0w0]

I wish there were a way to differentiate "tired because I'm understimulated and will get energized and have fun if I go out" and "tired because I'm really just tired and I'll be boring and grumpy if I go out"

[innerthoughts0w0]

more crow bf stuff plsplspls

Crow hybrid bf that brings you so many shiny trinkets that you have an entire shelf in your room dedicated to them.

He gets all territorial over you, puffing out his chest and flapping his wings when other bird hybrids try to scratch around your yard.

When he’s decided you’re his mate, he gives you one of his pitch black feathers and has you wear it as a broach. Now you’re marked by him, and everyone knows not to mess with you unless they want to fall victim to his talons.

He’s been in a nesting mood lately, and has made a mess of your room, scratching at your carpet and gathering sticks and soft leaves from outside. When you forbid him from making a mess, he takes that as you rejecting his nest and gets so depressed!

Thankfully he’s pretty intelligent, and decides to study other humans to find out what they enjoy sleeping on. When he realizes you’d prefer blankets and pillows over leaves and sticks, he goes about making a perfect nest for you both.

It’s a little scary when he randomly speaks in someone else’s voice but it’s just a crow hybrid thing. He repeats things he hears, and yes you’ve nearly pissed yourself when he’s done it in the middle of the night.

He’s always covering you with his wings and trying to tuck you under him like you’re some kind of little chick. He worries that you may be cold and defenseless against the elements since you don’t have wings!

Crow hybrid bf has huge talons and will most certainly carry you around with them. Though in the past he’s accidentally scratched you with him, he’s learned to be very careful not to hurt you!

He enjoys sunbathing with you, and finds your soft buddy very comfortable to nest with.

[innerthoughts0w0]

Human Husbandry Guide For Vampires

A guide on how to take care of your human friends, lover, and minions for vampires that are out of touch with humanity. (Disclaimer: this is not a hunting guide, this is for humans you intend to keep alive and healthy. See our companion book for hunting humans.)

Humans will not disintegrate in sunlight, and can be used for errands during the daytime. However their skin can still take damage on especially sunny days. Make sure they wear the proper protection cream if needed.

Humans can not be sustained on blood, and have much more varied diets than us. Most can forage for food themselves, but make sure to keep at least a little human food in your lair. (Note: human food can expire, canned foods, dried foods, and honey are recommended for long term storage)

Humans must bathe regularly to keep healthy and clean. Most can handle this themselves if given the proper facilities, but some might need reminders or persuasion if in a poor emotional state. Try to refrain from using hypnosis unless absolutely necessary to keep the humans trust.

Humans are much more delicate than us, and can not reliably survive long falls or extreme force. Refrain from doing anything too dangerous with your humans unless you're a skilled necromancer.

Humans can only lose about 14% of their blood before their health declines. Make sure not to feed on them for too long or else they will require a transfusion. Space out your feedings to every few days and help them recover afterwards. (Note: it is recommended that you either feed on multiple humans or drain one that is not yours between feedings to keep yourself well feed)

Most humans do not react well to death and gore even if they understand the nature of vampires. Make sure to keep your humans out of the room when you drain someone and dispose of the leftovers, unless they have stated they are comfortable with it.

Humans are social creatures that cannot withstand decades of solitude like us. Even the most independent of humans will require a little bit of affirmation. Make sure to regularly converse with your humans and tell them how much you care about them if they seem unhappy. It is also encouraged to keep at least two humans to keep them from getting lonely.

Humans might also require physical affection depending on the nature of your relationship. A human you're romantically involved with will usually respond very positively to cuddling and romantic affection. A human you're friends with might also respond well to physical affection but make sure to learn what they're comfortable with.

Humans can be easily seduced by the allure of vamprism. Ones you have only recently met might already offer themselves as potential blood dolls or fledglings. Make sure to throughly explain the ramifications of these decisions and state your boundaries, in order to prevent future emotional turmoil.

Humans do not have long lifespans, living to around 100 years if not killed. Prepare yourself for the emotional toll of losing a human you're attached to, as not every human will agree to be eventually turned or resurrected as an undead creature. Respect their wishes on this in order to prevent drama or vendettas being formed against you.

Turning a human is a huge commitment you will need to make sure you're prepared for. A fledgling will need a lot of guidance and reassurance once turned, and usually will go through some existential phases. Most won't be ready to be independent until about a decade, but will usually keep in touch if they don't stay with you. (See our Empty Coffin Syndrome book if you struggle with this phase)

Thank you for reading this excerpt, and congratulations on obtaining your human companion. Humans can improve the mental well-being of their vampiric companions and help them with their dark bidding if needed, even against their own kind. Plenty of humans will willingly betray their fellow man in return for vampiric companionship, and possibly make good potential fledglings. Our full book can be found at any cursed bookstore or dark library you can find, or that will find you.

[innerthoughts0w0]

STOP! before you decide you are irretrievably doomed, try one of the following options:

transition

bdsm

iron supplements

[innerthoughts0w0]

Your werewolf boyfriend is a bit sensitive.

You were peacefully enjoying one of his pack’s summer cookouts when a fireworks display started going off in the distance. Fireworks are outlawed on pack lands, or so was explained to you, but that doesn’t stop the tourists at the campground across the lake from bringing their own and setting them off.

You had watched them for a few moments surrounded by a chorus of howls, before realizing his wasn’t present in the round. After a cursory glance, you realize you’ve lost sight of him completely- he must’ve slipped away when you weren’t paying attention.

You take the short dirt path back to the cabin you’re staying in for the holiday, assuming that must be where he is.

Barely a step into the building, and you’ve already found him- you can hear him whimpering in the next room. Your brow furrows in heightened concern as you follow the noise.

Once you’ve stepped inside the bedroom, he’d be even harder to miss, given his body makes a large, rather obvious werewolf-shaped lump, burrowed under the covers. The tuft of his ruddy tail hangs down below the hem of the quilt, forlorn.

“Oh, there you are. You okay?”

Sorry. Too loud. Sorry-

Because of your mate bond, the half growl-half whimpers from under the covers form coherent, if a little beastial, speech to your mind.

“It’s okay. It’s just a little noise, and it’ll probably be over soon.” 

You sit on the foot of the bed and put your hand on what you think is his side to comfort him. Just in time, another explosion goes off, this one big enough to rattle the frame of the lakehouse and paint colors across the room.

He yelps loudly in surprise and his muscles tense under your touch. He’s frozen in fear for a few moments before whimpering out another mortified apology.

Sorry.

You’re unsure how effective your comforting can be like this, when the source of his distress is still loudly booming outside at random intervals.

Then, an idea pops into your head, and you turn your attention back to your luggage that you set up earlier.

“Here,” You say, draping your weighted blanket over him as you sit back down. Despite being a relatively big blanket on you, it doesn’t even begin to cover his hulking form, looking a little silly with how small it seems in comparison draped on top of the quilt.

More weight probably won’t hurt.

You lean over, resting your upper body against him and giving him some comforting rubs on his side. 

The next set of pops and crackles aren’t nearly as terrorizing- he lets out another drawn out whine in protest, but this one is much less pitiful. You spend the rest of the time glued to his side, watching a small fragment of the display through the window.

When the booming seems to have completely died off, you’re simply too comfortable to want to budge.

“I think it’s over now.” You point out.

His nose pokes above the top of the covers as he peeks down at you.

Wanna go back?

“Mmm… No, this is good.” You smile conspiratorially.

He bends his body just enough to root his snout into your cheek and neck, his damp cold nose making you laugh. You can hear his tail furiously beating against the mattress at the foot of the bed.

Being sensitive isn’t such a bad thing, you think- especially if it means that you get more time to cuddle out of it.

[innerthoughts0w0]

priest who's a werewolf. he disappears on the full moon to come back covered in blood. keeping his affliction secret, he prays for his ailment to pass, believing it a curse.

until he comes upon You. he's prowling on one full moon, searching for prey to sate his bloodlust, when he scents you on the air. his mouth waters and he lopes in your direction, searching the forest for you.

there. you emerge from a cool lake, and the sight of moonlight on your skin makes him growl and snarl with need. in his werewolf form, you see, his lust overpowers all his vows. he must have you.

when he reveals himself, you should be afraid. you knew he was out here—you've seen the animal corpses. but you can sense that he's not here to devour you, at least not in that way.

he rises to two feet as you approach, his cock already sliding from his sheath. it's pink and wet, with bulges at the base that entice you.

werewolf priest wastes no time pinning you down, licking your face, his tongue traveling down your naked and willing body. he laps you between the legs, then buries that long tongue inside you, opening you for his girth.

then, once you're moaning and wet, he rolls you onto your hands and knees to mate you.

his cock is big, too big, but he's got you so slippery that he glides in. now you're stretched full, as full as you possibly can be. after years of celibacy, he fucks you mercilessly, softening you and loosening you for him so he can, soon, squeeze his knot inside you.

one, then two times you climax, drenching him. but still he wants more, that fat knot spreading you open wider and wider with every thrust. when you're finally ripe, he shoves it inside.

it swells there, stoppering you up as his cum gushes out. it fills you obscenely, and with his knot in place, nothing can escape. you whimper as your belly rounds with how much there is trapped inside you, but werewolf priest whispers that you'll be all right.

you fall asleep together beside the lake, his furry arms and legs wrapped around you like a blanket.

when he awakes, now in his human form, he curses himself for breaking his vows. but you smell so good all covered in him, and as he imagines you swollen up with his young, he has to fuck you again.

perhaps this wasn't a curse, but the way he found his true path.

[innerthoughts0w0]

Your neighbor, a carpenter that's been helping you fix up with house you just bought in the secluded small town surprising you one day when he shows up at your door nearly panting, as if he is fighting to hold himself back.

"Darlin' I'm gonna be needing you to close those windows. Only so much a man can do when a pretty lady is making the whole block smell like heaven in heat."

You are way too slow on picking up what he means even as he pushes you through the door pinning you to the wall, his fingers flexing, is he growing claws?

"Moving to a supernatural town was already risky. Not being on anything to stop you from smelling like everything in a mile should come an' breed you? That's just foolish."

You try to ask what he means, you were relocated here for work, you knew nothing about the town but he stops you. Makes the words and questions die in your throat when he grabs your wrist with a vise like grip, those were definitely claws, bringing your hand up to his face and inhaling deeply. You go instantly red, he can't possibly smell the fact that you were just knuckle deep in yourself moments before be came pounding on your door.

"Please. Tell me I can taste you." He pants, his teeth growing longer, his fingers ending in what are definitely claws, his body seeming to grow.

You'll definitely need to talk to your main office about being relocated into a shifter town without warning. But who are you to say no to this when the bear shifter next door asked so nicely.

[innerthoughts0w0]

Pussy Portal Pt. 1

I'm certain I'm not the only one whose seen that Pussy Portal post and been absolutely gobsmacked by the idea. So here's a little something inspired by it. (There will definitely be more, whether anyone wants it or not, because I cannot get this idea out of my head).

Post here if you haven't seen it.

Smut below the cut.

You were flat-out broke. That was the only reason you considered the app in the first place. It had come to you in a desperate internet search for quick ways to make money on the side. Student loan payments were piling up and were at risk of going to collections, your car had finally bit the dust last week and would take far more to repair than it was worth, and you for sure couldn't afford a new one. The final cherry on top was your job cutting your hours. No announcement, no email, nothing. Just a gradual decline of your name on the schedule and some sleuthy coworkers putting two and two together. Everyone's hours were getting cut. At least you still qualified for health insurance. For now.

Most of the money-making schemes you found during your searches just weren't worth the trouble. You'd spent an hour filling out the most inane surveys for $10 and another three hours transcribing jail phone calls for lawyers just to earn less than a penny per word. You had begun to feel hopeless. And then it had popped up, like a boon from hell; Pussy Portal. Selling your body hadn't been out of the question. You had considered selling your feet pics online, and even found a website where you could send people your used panties for money. But the more you looked into it, the more you realized it would essentially be a full-time job if you wanted it to be lucrative, and one of the ways to make more money was to have a presence, put your face out there, let people see what they were buying. You weren't nearly confident enough for that. Pussy Portal on the other hand, sort of alleviated both of those concerns. The pay was pretty good, and no one was actually going to be looking at or interacting with you, you just had to give any creature of any nature, unfettered access to your pussy. Putting it bluntly, Pussy Portal was prostitution, but you wouldn't be meeting any of the clients and no one had to know who you were. You just couldn't think about it too hard.

So, here you were. App downloaded, background check and medical screenings passed, some sort of strange magi-tech contraption attached to your hip, now you just had to wait. You were promised by the Pussy Portal rep you'd been communicating with that your first time on the app would essentially be a quality check. One of their "testers" would get first dibs on you, give you a rating, and that was that; you were open for business.

The email they sent gave you a very large time frame, pretty much the entire day. You were glad you had off work, firstly, because you wouldn't have wanted to do this in the office (you most certainly would have been fired), and secondly, you were far too nervous to do anything else. You just settled onto your couch, turned the app on, and waited.

After about thirty minutes of staring at the ceiling while your stomach churned, you realized that you needed to distract yourself somehow or you'd go crazy with anticipation. So, you turned on your comfort show and doom scrolled for a while. You weren't sure if you needed to be in any sort of position for it to work; there weren't really any instructions on that, so you just lay back and tried not to focus on it. After a few hours, you started to wonder if anything was going to happen. You kept opening your email to double-check you had the date right, and pulling the band of your sweats down to check that the magi-tech device was still glowing green. You were almost tempted to email support. Maybe they'd mistyped the date. Then, when you were least expecting it, you felt it. A gentle prodding at your entrance. You sucked in a breath, the nerves gathering themselves in your stomach again. The being on the other end of the portal pushed into you slowly, your mouth fell open at the stretch. The app said it catered to all kinds of beings, and you weren't sure what creature might be currently pushing you open, but it was certainly larger and a bit more textured than a human. You were just grateful they hadn't decided to start with something huge like a minotaur. You weren't really sure what you should do now. Did you need to take your clothes off, or get into any certain position? You kept thinking about your thighs getting in the way, but it clearly wasn't an issue as you felt the cock begin moving slowly in and out of you. It felt odd not to do anything at all, so you adjusted yourself on the couch and spread your legs.

You were getting wetter by the second as the cock continued it's slow drag in and out of you, some of it's ridges catching on your insides and pushing on your sensitive spots. A moan fell from your lips, and you couldn't help but slip a hand inside the loose sweats you were wearing. Finding your clit, your fingers moved slow circles over it eased on by the juices now dripping out of you. It was strange to feel so full, to feel the push and pull of a cock in your tight cunt but not be able to see the dick itself. Your fingers travelled lower to your entrance where you felt your pussy being stretched by the invisible suitor.

The cock picked up it's pace and you groaned, fingers moving back up to your clit. The being on the other side of the portal seemed to be nearing his end, his thrusts more frantic than before. You were nearing your climax too, and your fingers picked up speed in time with the thrusts in and out of you. You were so close when you felt the cock snap forward and bury itself deep, deeper than anyone had ever reached, a rush of semen filling you in warm spurts. That was what pushed you over the edge and you spasmed hard around the cock, your walls clenching down. Before you were ready, the being pulled out.

You stared up at the ceiling, hand still down the front of your pants, breathing heavy, contemplating what you had just done. You'd just let a stranger, a non-human creature, fuck you, and other than the nerves at the beginning, you enjoyed it. You threw your free arm over your eyes and laughed at the ridiculous state you found yourself in. You only decided to get up from your couch when a trickle of cum slipped from inside you and dribbled down your ass.

When you returned from the bathroom after having cleaned yourself up, you noticed a notification had popped up on your phone. Your trial run was successful and you were officially approved to start making money on Pussy Portal. The Pussy Portal tester that had fucked you had even left a note on your profile for other potential clients to see. "Tight, human pussy. Larger beings may need the assistance of lubrication." The review made you feel a little weird; it was so dry and clinical for something that had felt so strange and intimate for you, but when the $500 signing bonus hit your bank account, that feeling dissipated. You could totally make this work.

[innerthoughts0w0]

Have this idea about reader going to watch porn for the first time in a while. It looks like they’re in costumes, the guy has demon horns and a tail… and he doesn’t seem very interested in the girl he’s fucking.

Honestly, he looks bored and his cock is only semi-hard. The lady’s fake moans echoing through the preview even turn you off.

When you click the video and watch, suddenly he looks into the camera and his cock twitches, getting hard.

Then he jumps through your screen! You somehow clicked on incubus porn, and now you’re being pounded by a sexually frustrated incubus.

Your fat pussy just looks so pretty, taking him so well! He’s gonna have to put a claim over your womb now…

He’s never felt this good before, there’s no way he’s leaving without forming some kind of contract with his cute little human toy!

Should I do something with this idea..?

[innerthoughts0w0]

Vampire bf that lost his previous lover to the plague, so when you come down with the common cold he’s genuinely upset.

And he just starts writing you a will, teary eyed as he longingly gazes at your crumpled form as you flick through TV channels and cough before wiping your nose on his shirt.

Usually he’d gag or whine about you being unhygienic, but now he’s considering keeping this shirt unwashed forever. It’s a memento to you, after all.

If he told you the memento he’d be keeping of you was the sullied tshirt you blew your nose in, you’d probably be offended. Well, you did blow your nose on your boyfriend, but he was being annoying and wouldn’t hand you a tissue!!

He’s just so in love with you, and will start bawling and begging you not to die before you have to explain that your cold will be gone within a few days.

So damn dramatic.

[innerthoughts0w0]

Butch fem werewolf x fem reader

Your butch werewolf girlfriend hates going into heat. She has an alpha disposition and doesn't like being vulnerable around others, something you have quickly learned. She prefers to fuck you till you're a drooling mess, not the other way around. Every couple of months she has to take a break from the suppressants and go through a full heat cycle if she wants to stay healthy and she hates it.

She gets moody and bitey and prefers to stay shut up in the home office, typing angrily away on her laptop until she can't bear it more and comes staggering out to find you, dripping slick down her muscular thighs, vibrating with need and barely suppressed animal hunger.

While you secretly love the way she falls apart and loses control and becomes even more dominant, you know there's a submissive side to her that only comes out during her heats, that she does everything in her power to suppress. You want to see your strong girlfriend bare her neck to you for once. Now, a male werewolf is out of the question--not that your jealous self would be able to handle someone else in your bed anyway--so you took to the internet to do some research, joining forums to ask other lesbian werewolf couples what they did during their heats. And oh boy, did you get some interesting answers.

The toy you've ordered has just arrived, and it's perfectly on time with your girlfriend's heat. It's the second day, where her control truly begins to frazzle and her usual gruff voice becomes whiny and soft, much to her chagrin. You unwrap the toy and walk into the bedroom. Your girlfriend is growling with frustration, fucking her hand while she holds a pair of your panties up to her nose. You raise your eyebrows.

"Struggling all by yourself, cutie?"

"Fuck!" She shouts. "I can't fucking cum."

"Aw," you giggle.

She narrows her eyes and bares her teeth at you.

"I bought you something," you announce.

"A pill strong enough to knock me out for the week?"

You shake your head and hold up the toy. It's a pink silicone dildo with a fat mushroom head and a thick shaft. It's daringly bigger than most of the toys you already have in your arsenal. The balls of the toy are the real kicker. They're larger than they need to be and hold a surprise you can't wait to give. Your girlfriend groans, her eyes shining with reluctant lust.

"Okay, fine. Get over here and fuck me with that thing."

You grin and hop on the bed fully clothed, yet another way you like to tease her. Her pussy is wet and puffy, dripping with arousal, already stretched out from her fingers.

"Think you can take all of this in one go?" You ask as you rub it through her wetness, smirking because you know she's too proud to say anything other than yes.

"Easily," she bites out.

You shrug and slam the toy into her in one smooth stroke and her back arches.

"Fuckkk," she whines.

"Too big?"

"Fuck you," she gasps, her hips jerking against the bed, fucking herself on the toy.

She tends to clench her teeth to keep from whimpering so you lean up and kiss her, prising her mouth open with your tongue so that every breathy moan floats out whorishly.

"I fuckin' hate you," she grumbles and you tug and pinch on her tender nipples.

"Oh yeah? Want me to make you beg to prove otherwise?"

"No, I'm sorry," she whines, burying her face in your neck, shuddering as you continue to thrust the toy into her tight cunt.

Her fingers pluck at your shirt and she stuffs her head under it. Since you're not wearing a bra, she's free to latch onto your nipples, sucking and biting at them. It feels good, but you can't afford to be distracted now, so you pause to remove your shirt and scoot down between her legs.

"Think I can make you squirt?"

"Squirting is for bitches," she huffs, although her whole body trembles at the idea.

You catch her clit between your lips and suck, coaxing her closer to the edge, waiting for the signs that she's about to cum. Her head is flung back on the pillow, eyes closed. It's perfect. She doesn't see the way you squeeze the balls of the toy, and the way it makes the base of the silicone shaft expand, pumping up into an artificial knot. You keep it well away from her entrance until the moment she tips over the edge, her claws sinking into a pillow as she lets out a rumbling groan. You push the knot forward and after a long moment it pops into her and she howls.

"What the fuck!" She hollers, trembling all over as her body kicks into overdrive.

You tug on the toy, fucking the knot into her body as she screams with pleasure. You've never seen her cum so hard.

"Wow," you murmur when she finally comes to a gasping rest, the toy still lodged deep inside her.

She flings an arm over her eyes. "Just wait, my love," she says. "The minute my legs stop shaking it's going to be my turn to do that to you."

@idle-monsters

[innerthoughts0w0]

Content warning: Serial killers, spiked drink, sexual threat (she gets away I prommy), lots of death-by-werewolf hehe :3c

Anyways if I was in charge of Hollywood there would be a movie that starts off with a sexy chubby woman (the chubbiness is IMPORTANT) living her best life out to the bar with her gal pals, and while there she is hit on by an unreasonably hot man* (*conVENTIONALLY hot. it's IMPORTANT). They start chatting about a huge current news story: dismembered women keep getting found in the WOODS holy shit and always the night after the full moon so the press are calling it "the werewolf murders" BECAUSE it looks like there's claw marks on the bodies I scream I cry I move on with the story-

So Hot Guy is charming he's witty he's respectful. He asks to buy her a drink and she's kinda into it BUT she tells him she doesn't accept any drink that's handed to her by a stranger and he's like "Say less babe, what if we went up to the bartender together, you order your drink, I pay for it, my hands are never on the drink :)" and she's like hmm okay I can trust like that so they spend the night having flirty banter and eventually she looks around and realises her gal pals have left with their own little romances and she's like oh shit I better go, and he's like awh okay if you insist, at least let me buy you a shot for the road.

So he buys her a shot, and same deal again she gets it straight from the bartender bc our girl is SAVVY even though she is having fun with this guy. Anyway she goes to leave and within a few mins of stepping out into the cold wet air the world begins to spin, her legs give out, she's like wtf, no no no how the fuck is this happening, this can't be happening. And of course Hot Guy appears and he's like awh no babe you don't look so good here let me help you into a CAR GIRL HELP DO NOT GET IN THE CAR but she's confused and disoriented and there's a degree of trust built up between them and it's only when the car door closes that she realises it's already too late and passes out SCREAM

anyway she comes to in the middle of the woods and relax she hasn't been touched YET because there's suddenly 4 men around her (henceforth known as: The Pack) and they're all laughing about how big girls are SO desperate they're so easy to trick BLARGH they're spouting a bunch of general misogynist BULLSHIT about "high value males" and "the female brain" and they call themselves "the Pack" because YOU KNOW these fuckers live their whole life by that fallacious Alpha Male ideology ANYWAY obviously they are led by Hot Guy AND the Bartender is ONE OF THEM that's how her drink got spiked, she was watching the wrong man's hands!!

And they're like "haha don't worry we didn't do anything to you while you were out because it's only worth doing when you KNOW what we're doing to you >:)" PUKE they are basically a bunch of sick fuck serial killers who abduct women every full moon and then hunt them down in the woods THEY ARE THE WEREWOLF MURDERERS AAAAH anyway they're like "haha babe we'll give you a 10 minute headstart. You'll know we're coming after you when you hear us HOWL" 🤢 but these sad wimp shit heads are using high end hunting equipment including an infrared camera and night vision goggles they have NO respect for the art of the hunt I DIGRESS-

obviously our sexy chubby heroine runs for it but oh no she can't see in the dark, she's still wearing her cute but impractical heeled boots, she's still dizzy from the drugs and more importantly feeling like a worthless, pathetic FOOL for falling for Hot Guy and now she's going to get killed for it. Her heart is breaking with every step and then she hears them howling behind her and oh god, she's not gonna make it is she-

WHUMBLE TUMBLE she trips and tumbles down a ridge!! Our angel just can't catch a break and to make everything worse she lands in what is clearly some predator's den, full of old deer carcasses - and one FRESH carcass oh god something is growling at her from the darkness. With only the light of the full moon to see, she watches in horror as a dark shape advances on her. It must be a bear, she thinks, but then it rises on it's hind legs, and rises, and rises, and holy shit, what the fuck is that thing it's not a bear it's a FUCKING WEREWOLF

and then one member of The Pack catches up to her, and he's giddy with anticipation for what he wants to do to her, and he's the one with the night vision goggles and he stops laughing when he sees that... That THING next to her in the gorge, and he's like. What the fuck that can't be real. And in my movie we'd be cutting this between dark moonlit scenes and his night vision goggles of course, through which we'd get to see the werewolf's huge sexy teeth and eerie (sexy) glowing eyes and that the wolf is looking at HIM and this guy freaks the fuck out and tries to run but GUESS WHAT YOU SHOULDN'T DO BITCH. YOU SHOULDN'T RUN FROM A WEREWOLF because it launches at him and rips his fucking head off!!

And our heroine is like FUCK as if this night could get any worse now werewolves exist?!?! So she flees while the Wolf is busy with Pack Guy #1. Cut to: the other men in The Pack are regrouping, irate that Guy#1 got so far ahead of them because "He never shares 🙄" but ahead the guy with the infrared sensor is like "I see a big splatter of heat on the ground, he's finished her off without us that bastard!!" But lo and behold they get there and IT IS HE WHO IS SPLATTERED ACROSS THE GROUND!! The Pack are at first like wtf did this but they're all pieces of shit so they don't mourn their dead friend so much as lament the inconvenience of his death and assume a bear did it. Hot Guy is actually a little excited because he's never hunted a bear before and they have guns so, in his word, "we can mount a bitch and a bear in our trophy room tonight" and they leave Guy#1's body BUT they do take his night vision goggles.

Meanwhile the sexy beautiful apple of our eyes (Protagonist) has made it to a RIVER and she's like fuck it's cold but maybe I can follow the river downstream, there will be a town eventually right??? BUT who is right on her tail?? The werewolf of course! He's snarling and advancing in a mixture of animal curiosity and hostile territoriality and our darling beloved Protag is like FUCK I can't run I can only back away slowly oh god I'm going to die but JUST as the Wolf reaches her-

Howling! Those stupid shitfuck Alpha Bros are howling as a way to terrorize her so she knows they're closing in. But you know what that does to werewolf?? Immediately tells him who the REAL territorial threat is. The Pack burst through the trees to the river and Wolf wastes no time latching his teeth into one of them and ripping his throat open ( 🥵 ) and the Pack are like WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING and bang bang they SHOOT werewolf in the torso AAAH! He's not dead because the bullets aren't silver teehee but it HURTS and he's knocked into the river. Protag tries to run but they shoot at her too so with nowhere else to go she also jumps into the river SWIM BITCH SWIM

She and the Wolf are swept downriver in the rapid current, both gasping for breath between being dunked underwater. Protag manages to grab a hold of some logs to save herself. The Wolf tries to grab them too but oh NO he's too big and heavy and the water-rotted wood SNAPS and he continues swirling down the rapids. He manages to cling to a boulder in the center of the river and claw his way up for air, fast water frothing white around him, filling his mouth, trying to drag him under again.

Protag drags herself to the shore and breathlessly looks back, ready to run again as she hears the Pack howling in the distance. She sees the Wolf clawing desperately to life, and turns to leave him - but stops. She can't help herself. She looks back at him. The whites of his eyes are showing with their wide, confused panic. One hand is held tight to the boulder, the other flails desperately for some purchase. A high pitched, frightened whine pierces the air. He looks as afraid as she feels. He looks so HUMAN, so honest, so earnestly in need of someone's kindness. God, she HATES herself for being weak (*cough cough* NOT WEAK SHE'S FUCKING KIND!! but anyway *cough cough*)

She DRAGS a thick, sturdy branch to the riverside and feeds it into the water. She has to anchor herself in the deep, squelching mud to keep the branch (and herself!) from being yanked back into the current. The Wolf reaches with that helpless, human desperation. Monstrous hands close around the branch. She heaves, roaring with the effort to support his weight as he claws his way to shore. The howling is getting real close, now.

Once the werewolf can sink his paws into the mud, she abandons the branch and runs for the treeline. The two remaining Pack members are upon them now - but trapped on the wrong side of the river. They fire their gun at her. The Wolf launches a huge rock in their direction, which misses, but forces them to back off.

Protag runs for her life in the woods. She can hear the weight of the huge, loping animal behind her. She feels the shift in the air the moment before it makes impact. The Wolf tackles her from behind, bundling her into his arms while she kicks and shrieks in raw, animal defense. The Wolf, unable to contain the flurry of protesting limbs, throws her into the wet, sloppy mud and slams one of his heavy hand-paws down on her chest, pinning her down forcefully. He roars directly into her face, sharp teeth inches from soft skin, breath hot and rancid with the stench of dead deer. His message is very easy, even with the animal-language barrier: "SHUT THE FUCK UP."

Defeated, exhausted, and resigned to her fate, Protag goes limp. The Wolf half drags, half carries her across the forest floor. She accepts that she's just a slab of meat now - to both the Wolf, and the Pack. The drugs and the despair and the post-adrenaline crash all surge upon her in a wave of sudden sleepiness. She closes her bloodshot eyes.

She opens them to the muted daylight of an overcast morning, seeping through the mouth of a cave. Soft sounds alert her to the fact she is not alone: a nude man is hunched over in a corner beside her. Blood drips down his side. She shrieks and he jumps in surprise. She scrambles for the entrance to the cave - he grabs her and pulls her back. Shut up! He tells her, They're still out there! They're still looking for us!

She stops. Brain starts working. Realises where she is, what's happening, who THIS is. She shoves him away and accuses him of being the werewolf. He's like "uh. Ya. Who else were you expecting."

He's not thrilled about how he spent his full moon, either. He was shot several times in the arm and abdomen, and his accelerated healing means he's healed with one bullet still inside him. He's trying to dig it out. Horrified, but feeling obligated, Protag forces herself to help him. (It's an "EWW" moment, but also... A lil bit of an "awwh" moment ;3c )

In the quiet cave, reluctantly working together, they start to talk. She tells him who she is, who those guys are, what happened. He tells her he's a software engineer from the city. But yeah, also a werewolf. He's been using these woods for his full moons for his entire adult life. Recently, the so-called "werewolf murders" made him worry another wolf had moved into his territory - but now he realises it was these shithead men all along.

He tells her he'll help her get to the road, where she can flag down a car and get help, but she has to swear not to tell the world about his kind. She's like "Say less my guy, 1. I don't want a werewolf coming after me in vengeance, 2. who the fuck would believe me, they're probably not gonna believe me about these evil men either". He's like Well, don't freak out or anything, but I am 100% going to kill those guys. They've defiled my woods. They've perverted the air they breathe. And if I don't kill them, they're just gonna keep coming back here with more victims. She's like (*the following dialogue is expressed through facial expressions ONLY, no words) "Okay why is it so unbelievably sexy to hear this weird naked wolfman say he's going to kill those guys. I think he's actually quite fuckable suddenly."

Oh how they bond over extracting that bullet and the dire circumstances they find themselves in! His clothes are safely stashed on the other side of the woods, oh bother. The audience will just have to enjoy hairy burly naked man as Wolf and Protag trek to the road 😇

They walk, they talk, they have real romantic chemistry - but they are principally focused on the task at hand (not dying). They almost make it to the road, when they hear men's voices nearby. They duck into the hollow made by a fallen tree's roots.

It's Hot Guy and Pack Guy#3, the two surviving bad guys. They are using the infrared camera to track our heroes!! Those shitheads!! There's latent heat on the leaf litter and a few trees that were touched. Fuck!

By a small miracle, Wolf notices a doe grazing about two hundred meters away. He throws a pebble to startle her, and she takes off into the brush. The infrared camera only sees a flash of heat sprinting into the trees and the Pack take off after it. Wolf and Protag run the opposite direction, forced to abandon their way to the road as they would be too exposed in the thinning trees.

Instead, they make it to a disused ranger station that Wolf knows about. He manages to change into some shorts there (tragic) and they use the rain water tanks to wash the blood and mud off themselves. Forced to wait inside until nightfall, the pair finally begin to open up to one another (they both have trust issues for OBVIOUS reasons).

Protag asks if Wolf will recognise her when he transforms that night. He's like "Um, ya. The hollywood stereotypes that we're all these deranged, rapacious monsters is really hurtful actually. It's true I don't have my human decorum when I change, but I'm no more a monster than any real wolf. I hunt to eat, I kill if threatened. I'm not some unstoppable bloodlust predator, I'm just a fucking wolf."

She jokes that she could teach him some commands. Sit, stay, roll over, Good Boy. He BLUSHES (teehee). Their conversation turns a little flirtatious, in a "we both might die tonight" kind of way. He jests that he'd kill anyone who tried to put a collar on him, but... He MIGHT just make an exception, for a beautiful, resilient, ferocious woman. You know where this is going. THEY FUCK NASTY. Use your imagination and make it whatever you want :) In my mind she rides him hard until he's brainless and begging, and then animal instinct takes over and he rolls them over and fucks her into the bed until it breaks. But you can make it whatever you want :)

ANYWAY. In the quiet, cuddling aftermath, they both agree that it's Us or Them. There's one way out of these woods, and that's killing the Pack.

Night comes. The moon rises. Painful Wolf transformation. Awh he's a big scawy pubby :) Dressed in Wolf's improvised shorts and her dress from the night before, Protag leaves the cabin with Werewolf by her side.

They start a firepit to lure the Pack in, hoping to use the infrared camera against them. It works. While Wolf is monitoring their make-shift perimeter, Guy#3 sneaks up and manages to get to Protag. A bloody, violent fight ensues. She's armed only with a burning torch she made out of a branch, tree sap and leaf litter. He's got a gun - but he's too arrogant to use it. He wants to have FUN with her, first. He describes what he's done to all the other women they brought the woods. He laughs at how gullible she was, how desperate for a "high value man" to want her that she didn't see the OBVIOUS trap. Despite a commendable struggle, Protag is overpowered. Guy#3 gets her on the ground and takes out a large knife, taunting her over just HOW he plans to use it on her, when-

CRUNCH. Wolf arrives and rips his fucking head off, babay!! In a literal way. His clawed hands sink into Guy#3's throat, and with a violent jerk upwards, he tears the head from its shoulders. Poor Protag is showered with blood (but in a sexy movie way).

But alas!! T'was an OBVIOUS trap all along! The King Shithead, Hot Guy, knowingly sent his friend in first to lure Wolf out into the open. He shoots Wolf in the back, again and again and again and again, until poor Wolf collapses in a wheezing lump on the floor. Protag screams in horror, but there's nothing she can do.

She lunges at Hot Guy, and the final scrap for survival begins. He's out of bullets, but he has physical strength on his side; he's bigger and stronger than she is. He beats her to the ground, but - Protag grabs Guy#3's knife and stabs Hot Guy through the knee!! A total wuss for pain, he backs off immediately - but Protag isn't done, she isn't about to let this snake slink away into the shadows. She charges him, stabbing him in the groin, the stomach, the chest. She's more wolf than woman, now. She looks him in the eyes, and tells him "It's only worth doing when you KNOW what I'm doing to you," and stabs him straight in the heart. He is dead.

Exhausted and wounded, she crawls to where Wolf lies motionless by the fire. She strokes his fur and tells him everything is going to be okay. Over the trees, she watches the sky turning orange with dawn.

ONE MONTH LATER. Protag, still sporting some bandages from her ordeal, gets ready in her apartment for another night out, just as she did at the beginning. She texts her gal pals to say she'll meet them at the bar. All appears to be as it was before.

She leaves her bathroom, freshly made up, and stops in at her kitchen, asking "Are you all ready for the night, love?"

Wolf is in the kitchen, packing himself water, snacks, and a change of shorts. He wraps her in a huge hug, lifting her off the ground and peppering her face with kisses. He'll miss her for the full moon, he says, but he's glad she's going out with her girls. When he gets back in the morning, they'll have a lazy day together. She kisses him back fondly and calls him a good boy ;3 As they part ways, the news broadcast on the TV mentions the discovery of some remains - four men who were reported missing last month, now suspect to be the victims of a freak animal attack. The Reporter jokes about how maybe, they should take the "werewolf killer" a little more seriously. Protag turns the tv OFF.

Aaaaaaand they lived happily ever after :)

[innerthoughts0w0]

the biggest mistake people make is assuming that weird sex with women is about mommy issues and weird sex with men is about daddy issues. wrong. a woman can be your father too. #feminism