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itsaboutpersonal · 9 days

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This past few days, weeks, months or even year I keep on questioning God why He always remove all the people when I started being comforted with them? Some are my childhood friends while some are my classmates and workmates. Though, some friends are in good possition/ situations now and I know that their role in my life is temporarily over and they play a big part to the person who I am today.

Then before that, while feeling sad and thinking and asking God on my mind why it keep on repeating the scenario? Then, I saw an fb post that pointing out that we see our short comings and felt like we're not enough, then try to look back and see ur self what kind of situation u are in. Do you think your old self will be happy we're u are right now?

Then I started to look back to my old self, I was a tambay, irregular students no one believes in me in school because of being a repeater. Tbh, I really don't know before if I can finish my studies or I can have my college diploma before. I can't imagine myself working in the hospitality industry and having a confidence talking to those people that I really don't know.

Then I realize that everything happen for a reason. Maybe, the reason why God seperated me from them because He will bring me to another level of my life and they role on my life is temporarily over. I am being with theam for a short period of time because they will teach me something that I needed today.

Sometimes, it's hard to understand why God allow things to happen. We can't predict what will happen next. All you need to do is adopt and pick up every learnings, allow yourself to grow and trust God's process. God didn't lead you to the things that will make you suffer or regret. Keep on grinding! Someday, all of your hardwords will be pay off. God bless you!

P.S. "I hope, my future self will be reminded because of these insight/realization that God puts in my mind. God will finish what He started and trust God's timing! 🙏

April 11,2023 Thursday 12:46am

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itsaboutpersonal · 9 days

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itsaboutpersonal · 1 month

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While watching Viy's latest vlog, I felt kilig and see how she love Cong to the point that instead of Cong making a surprise on Valentines day, Viy makes an effort to surprise Cong. 🥹

Then, bigla nalang akong napaisip, kelan kaya ako ulit makakaramdam ng ganitong kilig sa isang tao? Kelan ko ulit kaya mararamdaman na especial at sure na sure na sa akin ang isang babae? Kelan kaya ulit ako masu-surprise at pag e-effortan? Then, bigla ko nalang naalala yung past specially yung last gf ko how she surprise me on my birthday and she make an video greetings kasama yung mga kaklase namin nung 4th year sobra akong na moved sa mga greetings and messages nila lalo na yung kay David, sinabi nya kasi na may changes sa life nya since nung naging kaibigan nya ako huhuhu

Tas yung nag sabit sya ng mga ginupit na heart shape from cartolina and each heart is my message and sinabit sa ceiling ng kwarto. Pati narin yung graduation party wala akong surprise sa kanya non pero sya meron syang surprise sakin na cake and may picture pa kami nun huhuhu

I wish I have an opportunity to experience it again and mag stay na. Turning 9 years na this year since the last time na nagkaroon ako ng gf hehe

In God's perfect timing 😊

Saturday March 16,2024 2:21am

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itsaboutpersonal · 2 months

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Hi, I forgot when was the last time I wrote a letter for you or included you. Tbh, I didn't expect you added me again after I unfriended you. I expecting in a few months or year you will have a boyfriend or you will be married. Little by little I accepting that we're not really meant to be.

Even without closure, I'm setting you free and wishing you all the best things in life.

But, last Feb 21,2024 at exactly 9:41pm you commented on my day when I'm walking on C5 from pineda and you prupose me to sleepover sa inyo and umuwi ng madaling araw. My first impressions is I will not reply to your message asap for me not to look like active and excited for your chat. And I turn down your offer though nasa bahay na talaga me that time. And you reply on my chat na " ahhh I see haha buti nalang pala haha" and after that I didn't reply.

But last night feb 22, I realized that you made a move and thinking about how u feel after that. Then after my 2 replies on you I can't stop thinking of you. I realized, I still love you and I want to be with you.

You know, one of the reasons I didn't pursue you? Because I am not financially stable and currently facing financial struggles. Then ate Amy tell me that you have a myday and you haved a visa in Korea. I didn't ask if it's toyrist or working visa. But after hearing that, I felt sad and and happy. I'm said because you will go to the place where you can add to your story that you will tell someday. While me, though I am promoted and see my growth, I felt stuck because I don't have something financial or material things to brag. I can't date you on a fancy restaurants or bring you on a out of town vacations.

I want you to be the first person to hear all my rants, idea and realizations. I want to brag on you something like a trains OIC though I'm on a lower position compare to them but still it's an achievements and growth conpare to my self 5-6 years ago. I didn't know if I can give the life that you deserve but I pray that you find someone that can give you a life that you deserve. Because as of now, the only thing that I can brag about is that I can love you till the rest of my life but I know love is not enough.

February 23,2024 Friday 2:09am

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itsaboutpersonal · 2 months

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Emotional breakdown-is a period of severe emotional distress, where a person may feel paralyzed and entirely incapable of coping with life's challenges

This is what I felt this past few days. I became so emotional and always in deep thinking and worrying about my future.

Habang nagiging emotional ako nag re-relapse ako and little by little I accepting everything specially yung mga bagay na iniisip ko failures and loss ko. It's about mentality tlaga it's either you look at it as a blessings or a lessons.

Then I realized na kaya siguro hinayaan ng Diyos yung mga good memories at magrelapse tayo at balikan yung mga happy memories para ipa- realize sa'tin na naging masaya tayo noon at hindi malabong maging masaya tayo sa hinaharap.

Yung mga ala-ala natin nung kabataan natin, yung kapag napagod magta-time freeze (taympers) tayo. Yung habulan yung asaran, tawanan, aakyat ng puno at maliligo sa ulan. Nakakamiss maging bata, nakakamiss maging masaya na hindi pino-problema yung kinabukasan.

Nakaka miss maging bata pero na-realized ko na kaya pala mabilis tayo tumanda at parang ang bilis ng panahon ay dahil hindi natin sinusulit yung bawat moment. Tayong yung version ng sarili natin na busy sa trabaho at para sa kinabukasan hindi natin ini-enjoy yung ngayon.

What if totoong may time machine and allowed tayong gumamit nito twice lang sa life time natin? Sa anong edad ko kaya pwedeng bumalik? Magiging masaya kaya yung dating ako lung makikita at maririnig nya yung kwento ko?

I know marami ako pwedeng maging advice sa dating ako, pero ano kaya yung pwedeng i-advice ng dating ako sa akin?

Why ako nag come up sa ganitong writings? Well, I just wanna tell and write down my thoughts that we need to cherish evry moment and live today! Today will be my future self, stories so I just want to inspire my future self that I made it that far and I want to majr him proud someday with the help of God.

Cut ko na dito. Napikit na mata ko inaantok na me mqy pasok pa tom

Feb 13,2024 Wednesday 1:07 pm

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itsaboutpersonal · 3 months

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It's already 1:45am kakatapos ko lang maligo nakikinig ako ng Worship song (City Harvest Church) pero kanina habang nasa CR ako medyo limot ko na yung napanood ko pero may realization sa'kin.

"Kaya siguro delayed, cancelled or hindi pa gina-grant ng Diyos yung mga prayers natin ay dahil hinahanap ni Lord kung nasaan S'ya after mangyari yung mga hiling ko. Gaya ng magkaroon ng sapat na pera, mabuting asawa at masayang mga anak at pamilya. Nasaan na S'ya after mangyari yung mga bagay na yon? "

Minsan, ang tingin nalang natin sa Diyos ay tagapag sagot ng ating mga panalangin. Kilala natin S'ya bilang taga pagligtas, taga pag pagaling, tagapag bigay at Panginoon. Pero wala S'yang espesyal na puwang sa buhay na'tin.

Then naalala ko lang yung isa sa sikat na quotes ni Muhammad Ali " I don't Trust anyone who's nice to me but rude to the waiter. Because they treat me the sameway if I were in that same position" Minsan, ina-acknowledge lang natin si God kase meron tayong makukuha sa kanya. Pero sometimes wala sya sa mga plano at hindi isinasama sa mga desisyon natin sa buhay.

This is the saddest reality wether we agree or not. We always acknowledge Him because we know that He has the power to give and help us to achieve our dreams. But we are not in when it come the true reason why we're here on earth.

A reminder!! A reflection!! A Man without God is nothing, but a God without a man is still a God!

January 29,2024 Monday 2:02am

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itsaboutpersonal · 8 months

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Sa isang lugar o silid na punong puno ng mga tao, meron kayang pipili sa'kin? Marahil wala, una palang simula pagkabata hindi ako naging paborito maliban nalang sa nanay ko. Never ako pinili at kung pipiliin man ako marahil wala na silang iba pang pagpipilian. Nakakalungkot na katotohanan na hanggang ngayon nararamdaman ko parin at nasanay na ang pag iisa.

Napapatanong nalang ako kung mahal lang ba ako dahil may kailangan o kailangan ako dahil mahal ako? Haaayss nakakalungkot na reyalidad

August 29,2023 Tuesday 10:18pm

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itsaboutpersonal · 8 months

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L E T T I N G G O

What does letting go mean?

to stop thinking about or being angry about the past or something that happened in the past.

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itsaboutpersonal · 8 months

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itsaboutpersonal · 8 months

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I still remember last year doon sa dati kong work 4 kaming naglalaban sa isang posisyon and lahat kami graduate sa parehong kurso. I was assigned sa marketing, ako yung sasagot sa mga calls and text. Ako yung everyday nagpo-post sa fb page to promote the product and yung mag a-update sa ibang branch kapag may trans-in or trans-out.

Then suddenly after 3 months nag-resigned ako. Feeling ko hindi ako masyadong na-appreciate that time and nagkasakit din kasi ako. Nalungkot at umiyak ako kasi labag sa loob ko yung ginawa ko.

Hanggang sa nag-apply ako ulit then January 5 nag start na ulit ako mag work. To make the long story short mag e-eight months na ako and mapo-promote pa ako ngayon sa posisyon na pinag aagawan namin sa dati kong work.

Why I'm sharing this? Kasi God taught me a lesson this time na minsan kaya hindi natin makuha yung isang bagay baka kasi nasa maling lugar lang tayo. I mean baka kasi sinusubukan natin na makita yung worth and capability natin ng isang tao baka kaya siguro hindi nila makita yun eh hindi sila yung tamang tao na makaka-kita non.

Huwag nating piliting mangyari ang isang bagay. Kong nakalaan at para sa'yo darating at darating yun kahit hindi natin pilitin. Alamin ko ang halaga mo at identity mo sa Diyos at hindi sa tao. Yung approval N'ya at hindi ng iba

August 18,2023 Friday 12:44am

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itsaboutpersonal · 9 months

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Haaayss lagi nalang nate-taken for granted 😔😟😓

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itsaboutpersonal · 9 months

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Last July 9 our fur baby died, she really closed to us and we treat her like a member of our family. She really like to be with us laid her head on our toes and arms and she really like to play and very teritorial type of dog. She is angry when she see other dogs outside the house and she is barking so loudly.

It's painful to see her died and take the last breath in my hands because I tried to do CPR that time.

Then my mama and ate cried so much while me is in tears and holding back my tears. To comfort them I said to them that "The role of that dog in our family has come to an end. She live and gave smile and happiness to us. That fur baby gave us comfort and so much love. It's hard to accept but everyone of us here on earth living for a reason." Before our furbaby died, I shared this to my mama and ate that "we have a role to do in other peoples lives same to them we're playing a role for them. And once our role end or done we're moving to the next page of our lives." Suddenly a few minutes after, our dog died.

My realization a few minutes ago that we need to live our lives the way God wants it. We need to do our role here on earth. We are here because God has a reason. We are breathing because we have a task to do. I pray to God that God will help us to do our role while we're here on earth. Praying that our limited time here on earth is enough to accomplish what we're destined to do.

Lord, there so many destruction here on earth. We also have our dreams and plans that we're praying and believing to happen someday. Help us despite our busyness and tiredness help us to shine our light here on earth. And also help us to forgive those people who do wrong in us. Help us to be a channel of blessings and help us to appreciate your love so that we can love others the way you love us. You know everything about us including our care and desires. Let your desires be our desire and your plans, our plan. Be with us always as ww fight for our dreams. This I pray in Jesus Mighty Name, Amen.

July 15, 2023 Saturday 2:02am

#werehereforareason #Mallows #Furbaby

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itsaboutpersonal · 11 months

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Here am I, crying. Wishing and hoping that someday there's someone who can really see my worth, someone that makes me feel that I am enough. It's been a long time when I felt needed and really appreciated by someone. After hearing "she believes in me by kenny rogers" all the lyrics makes me realize having someone who can really trust you, on your potential and on what you really capable of doing is something that allow you to be the best version of yourself even thou you think that u are not.

I also crying because on my work place, there's one manager who really insulting my height, my outward appearance to the point that she is making a joke and not bother about my feelings. She really thinks that because she is the manager she thinks she has a rights to insult those people who are under to her position.

I want to hurt her back and tell her that she is shorter than to me and her attitude is not applicable to her. She want chismis including those her closest friend her mannerism is telling "iloveyou" but after that person leave she is judging making fun on that person. She is also saying badwords etc..

June 4,2023 Sunday 2:29 am

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itsaboutpersonal · 11 months

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Bakit ganon google drive haha triny ko buksan google drive ko and nakita ko yung pictures namin nung isang girl na consistent na pini-fling ako. Naging classmate ko sya 1st year 2nd sem during may college days and irreg sya then the way she moves and act kapag nandun ako lagi nyang shino-show na gusto nya ako kapag nasa room ako mag isa bigla nya kukuhanin phone ko and everyday magse-selfie kami. Nagku-kwenro sya lagi sakin about sa life nya and ako na hindi talkative lagi nya akong tinatanong about personal life ko.

Naisayaw ko rin sya during our rotc night and nung time na yun I felt something eh iba yung gabi na yun magkatabi kami sa sulok nag seselfie and nung sumakay kami ng sasakyqn nila ate Cha i cover her eyes kasi nasa likod ako. Parang gusto ko magpapansin sa kanya

Then nung nagkaroon ako ng first job and we're hiring pa isa sya sa ipinasok ko sa work and dun sa work napaka open nya sa'kin including yung mga bagay na hindi na dalat shine-share nya eh ikinukwento nya. And sinasabi nya gusto nya na makipag hiwalay sa bf nya and yung bf hya pala is pinaka close friend ko nung college hehe

I still remember din october 29 or 30 nung nag out kami nun dahil same closing shift kami naglakad kami pauwi dito sa bahay habang baha at useless yung payong dahil sa lakas ng ulan at hangin at lagpas tuhod ang baha. Habang naglalakad nakakapit sya sa braso ko and nag request sya na buhatin ko dahil pagod na daw sya pero yung unang pumasok sa isip ko is hindi tama dahil may jowa sya and close friend ko pa and ayun dun din sya natulog sa bahay

Why ako nag throwback? Kasi nakaka miss piliin ng isang tao kahit hindi mo naman pinipilit. Yung wala ka namang ginagawa pero ina-admire ka ng isang tao. Yung someone na pipiliin ka in ur simple and not trying to be attractive way. Yung excited na makita ka na gusto everyday kayo may selfie huhuhu ngayong ready na ako mag enter sa relationship tsaka naman walang dumadating hahaha hoping soon someone will come to choose me everyday. Someone who really see my worth and want to see the best in me. Yung someone na may future plans hihi hindi yung pipiliin ka kasi you have something like material things or outward appearance.

May 20,2023 Saturday 12:57 am

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itsaboutpersonal · 1 year

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Just want to share my dream ngayon as in ngayon lang at kakatapos ko lang umiyak sa itaas kanina

Dun sa panaginip ko parang may mga araw na pagitan daw and yung pagitan ng araw na yun is parang ikinu-kwento ko kay tita Cely about kay kuya dave at kung gaano na sya nito nami-miss at gustong gusto nang makita.

Sinabi ko na kaming dalawa ni kuya dave yung magkasundo and magkasama. Habang ikinu-kwento ko raw ito kay kuya Dave parang namimili kami sa palengke. And same kami ni tita na teary eye na kaso ako miss ko na sobra si tita Cely and gusto ko sabihin sa kanya na maraming nagmamahal sa kanya and sya bigla nyang sinabi na naiiyak tuloy ako and niyayakap ko sya to show my love for her and hindi ko pinapansin yung sasabihin ng tindero sa palengke habang niyayakap ko si tita

Then nalipat yung scenario na naghahanap kami ng makakainan then yung mga alam kong kainan is sarado that time di ko alam kung paumaga palang ba non or pagabi na pero parang dawn yung langit nun and yung habang naglalakad kami is parang sa kabilang kalsada sa tapat ng dati nyang tindahan.

And parang di ko alam kung bakit pero parang may mga tao nun at may event dahil nakita ko dun si terrence at lysa dalawang anak ni kuya Raymond and mga cute na bata pa dun. Yun yung age and height nila the last time na kasama namin si tita Cely na umuwi sa Bicol kasama yung mag iina nila kuya Raymond.

Then biglang nalipat na parang nasa loob kami ng dati nyang tindahan, medyo maluwag pa yung tindahan nya nun hindi pa naro-road widening. And I asked her about "iiwanan mo na ba talaga kami?" I'm not sure if this is the exact words na sinabi ko but she said with wisdom na "meron akong dalawang utos or sasabihin sayo! Una, dapat alam mo or alamin mo yung dahilan ng pag alis ko at pangalawa ibuhos mo sa pinaka bata mong pinsan yung pagmamahal nyo para sa'kin" this was not the exact words dahil sobrang haba at tila matalinghaga yung mga pananalita nya pero ito yung parang mismong thoughts at ipino-point out nya.

Inisip ko na kung yung dalawang anak ba ni kuya Raymond yung tinutukoy nya dahil silang dalawa yung bata na nag appear dun sa panaginip ko but I think si Kembot.

After that nalipat ulit yung scenario na tila nasa palengke kaminat madilim at dun may nakita kaming ulam na tinda. Hindi ko maaninag yung fried chicken nun ang tanging nakita ko lang ay yung chicharong bulaklak na prinito tas hindi pinagputol putol kaya malaki. That nag joke ako na ito nalang but she didn't reply and even smile when I joke then I woke up.

After I woke up umakyat ako sa taas, binuksan yung pinto at bintilador at lumuhod habang umiiyak.

P.S. while we are walking sa kabilang kalsada sa tapat ng dati nyang tindahan, nag kwento ako regarding sa gusto kong mangyari na gusto kong mag work sa abroad para mas makatulong at magkaroon ng malaking progreso yung buhay ko. Nag rant din ako na mahirap kitain yung pera sa pinas hindi mami-meet ng salary yung gusto kong mangyari sa buhay. Pero bigla akong may nakita na parang isang bahay or store ng potato corner dun and nakita ko yung progreso ng lugar sobrang luwag ng kalsada.

I don't know why I dreamed about tita Cely, after she died I dream of her about 3-4 times and those times I was on my breakdowns.

April 30,2023 Sunday 10:19 pm