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jeongjaebae · 3 years ago

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fic summary 2k22

ayeee so it's that time of year again!! i know i haven't posted much in 2022 (like... just a handful of fics oops) but i still hit a decent word count and made significant progress on long fic wips!

so yeahhh here's my 2022 fic summary which is... basically a chance to introduce my wips LOL

Total word count written: 89,033

Total word count published: 33,243

Fandoms written: tbz and svt

1. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or what you predicted?

a bit less!! it's about half as much as i wrote last year (which was a whooping 150k word count LMAO), but this range is already more than the average for me in any given year so it's not too bad. in terms of what i POSTED though... i have no excuse for that 😅 most of my word count is from wips/ideas so i didn't have any finished content to post

2. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

last january i definitely didn't know i would write for svt!! i kind of had a feeling that deobiblr was already dying at the time, and that's around when i started watching going seventeen to get into them... but yeah didn't know i'd slip so deep into the carat life (blaming you, kim mingyu 😒)

3. What’s your own favourite story of the year?

it's a time loop au wip that i've written about 19k so far!! where our mc is stuck in a loop trying to change their fate of unrequited love by meeting [boy group member] first before his current gf does. so mc tries to alter events and change the course of fate all while trying to figure out a way to leave the loop

4. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

uhHHhhH the time loop au i suppose is a risk in itself... bc like... plotting it has been a complete pain when you're trying to consider multiple reruns of the same timeline. every detail has to be in the right place so that when the mc's actions change, we can directly see how that affects the events in the timeline

also writing domestic fluff like i did in best boy... can't say i enjoyed it but it was a good challenge!!

5. Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?

post the damn hyunjae e2l already 💀 (takes one to know one)

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year:

the time loop au ahahaha but if we're talking posted fic then the whole truth!! it has a bit of everything: decent flow and sentence structures, some important themes, tiny bit of humour, and gotta love f2l ju

My most popular story of this year:

the whole truth!! i reread this kind of recently and think it really is my best in terms of flow and sentence structure. also i really haven't posted anything else so.... yeah 😶

Most fun story to write:

hmm besides my two biggest wips i'd say it's this jogging au i wrote back in april!! where mc gets roped into a jogging date with [cute dating app boy] despite hating all kinds of exercise. it's definitely the typical jeongjaebae style of humour, secondhand embarrassment, and fluff. very fun to write and has me laughing every time i reread it LMAO

Story with the single sexiest moment:

probably the whole truth, the scene where they're making out in juyeon's room LMAO. srry i have no other contributions this year. BUT!!! my e2l wip has the full and extended scene from want so that's something to look forward to 👀

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

best boy. maybe it's not terrible but idk i haven't touched it since writing it bc i hate it 🤡 domestic fluff is... not my cup of tea. i suppose it was a good writing challenge tho. maaaaybe i'll write it one day but... needs a bit more practice

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

hmm maybe 1 plus 1? writing it made me obsessed with the (og) guy in it and he shot way up my bias list. and like. i'm still in that phase rn LOL

Hardest story to write:

oh boy it's deffs the time loop au. still stuck on the plot tbh? there's just so much planning and then... the thought of it reaching 50k or something... makes me tired OTL. it's exciting to think about but at the same time, there are way too many details i still have to write. it's a bit of a struggle

Biggest surprise:

surprise surprise who knew i would be writing for svt?!? and the one piece of angst that i wrote: all that we are

Most unintentionally telling story:

let's go with the whole truth. i loved some of the concepts and moral lessons in there, like how we're not made to be someone else's object of desire. why should we exist to be beautiful to others? and the other part about how love is deeper than what an app can tell us.

Favourite opening lines:

ehh nothing i particularly like but here we go

[better than the movies]

the most relatable sentence

If your life was a movie, at this moment, you’d be that introvert at a party.

[jogging date wip]

ahh.... relatable once again. the opening here sets the tone perfectly

"Yeah, of course. A jogging date sounds perfect." That was the moment you knew you fucked up.

Favourite closing lines:

nothing will beat this is how we fall but here are some that i like

[takes one to know one]

this actually isn't at the veryyy end of my wip rn but will probably change it and make it the actual ending later bc it's so fitting!! potential spoiler i guess but not really bc we all knew what was coming right?

When he pulls back and you see the fondness in his eyes, you realize that maybe the two of you aren't so different. He may have been an asshole, but you'd pretty much been one too. You were insanely competitive but only so that you could match up to his level. And even though it took a while for you to understand your feelings for him, now you know that he's felt the same way all along. Indeed, the two of you are more similar than you think. But then again, it takes one to know one.

[the whole truth]

they went through so much and this wrapped it up nicely. the silence especially is a powerful symbol here

When Juyeon takes the final step and crosses into your range this time, the silence is something you’ve never been happier to hear.

Favourite lines from anywhere:

[the whole truth]

important life lessons 101. if someone doesn't like you that's their problem not yours LOL. why should it be your job to be likeable?

"It’s not embarrassing to not be loved back. Painful, yes, but not something to be ashamed of. You weren’t put on this world just to become someone else’s object of desire, okay?"

[time loop au wip]

not quite closing lines but could kind of be similar to that

The two of you don't talk about, but it's all too evident anyway. It's evident when you lean into him as the night gets colder, head against the crook of his shoulder, and then in the way he shifts so that his lips meet yours. It's evident in the way he kisses you, with the sweetest of a first kiss, the bitterness of a last kiss, and the constancy of making the same choice in every loop, every timeline, every lifetime.

Scenes from anywhere you would have choose to have illustrated:

for the sake of referencing posted fics, i would say the ending of redo where they're on the bench under the mistletoe!

(in terms of wips: time loop au where y/n and [redacted] are watching fireworks from homecoming week!!)

New year’s resolutions:

finish and post that damn hyunjae e2l already OTL. and like... probably finish the time loop au if possible

Word Count Totals

Total finished, posted fic: 33,243

Longest posted fic: the whole truth ~14.2k

Longest wip: hyunjae e2l is sitting at 25k still... and time loop au at 19k... 🥲

Total number of words written: 89,033

#personal #sherri.txt #fic summary 2022

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jeongjaebae · 3 years ago

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yes yes !! it is i, squirrel anon!! i've just been lurking around every month or so and saw you had a few gaps on not posting so i wasn't sure if you were that active anymore !! (glad you still are active though)

i'm doing great! i'm not sure if i ever revealed my age group?? (oh well) college apps have been quite stressful and the thought of after hs scares me 😭 jacob and i are still together! i actually gave him a nickname cobbie bc i was like why not with tbz jacob too HAHAH. i was supposed to visit my family in the north so i can experience snow again but sadly they said the tickets were too expensive ㅠㅠ. how are you? any life changing events? oh remember about my new year's resolution last year? i've made it to 8k!! while i've been slacking a bit i'm so proud of myself :D

oh no was whisper bad? i mean i watched and listened to the song but like i don't remember anything at all 😭 thought it was an average kpop song i guess... still love tbz though !! but yes i did watch wednesday! ever since i saw the trailer i promised myself to watch it... and i finished watching it in the same day... i also love one of the actors tyler 🫶🏻🫶🏻 i haven't really seen any special stages (• •;) aside from that one han jisung part and yuna stage. i hope you know what i'm talking about HAHAH.

awww i'm so glad my message made you happier! hope you're having a good day cherry <3 (btw idk if the spacing is going to be weird for you? but the spacing on here seems so wide 😭) -🐿️

haha i wouldn't say... i'm too active on here :') like i'm pretty much out of material to post for now until i finish one of my long wips or until tbz's comeback next month magically sucks me back into the fandom LOL

ohh are you an 05 liner then? ah i figured as much!! college apps are indeed a stressful time and picking a major even more so 😭 the fear is understandable, i guess it's kinda hard to picture your life until you get there? hopefully it'll be a smooth transition for you! aHHH that's good that you and jacob are still together!!! omg you nicknamed him cobbie HAHA that's cute, does he know tbz at all? and yeahh everything is so expensive these days, i hope you do get to visit family and experience snow again one day!! it's been a fairly warm winter here so far so it hasn't snowed much, but it's been soooo gloomy all the time 😔 oooh your resolution was clearing photos right?!? 8k is decent progress!! i probably said i had like 2k last year but... here we are at 7.5k this year (it's the many concerts i went to... i wanna keep svt and ateez on my phone forever, they're beauuutiful HAHA)

i'm doing well but life is kinda boring atm 😅 hmm in terms of life changing events... i got a job!! also did a bit of travelling and went to 8 kpop concerts within the past 6 months, and a few of them were life changing (skz, svt, ateez). also started a kpop album/merch collection which was unintentional but... here's where my newly earned money is going LMAO

whisper was... well, i think they were going for thrill ride 2.0 but it didn't meet expectations? i personally didn't like the song and thought that the concepts they teased weren't really related to the song 🥲 but hopefully next month's comeback will be better!! ahh i still have not watched wednesday but... will start... one of these days :') ooh is the actor you're talking about hunter doohan? just googled him rn LOL. the only thing i know related to the show is that emma myers is a huge svt fan HAHA. and yeahhHH i know that stage, the one with han's iconic hockey uniform that everyone went Wild over!!

and dw the spacing looks fine!! not surprised that it might look weird bc tumblr always does things like that, also i think they went through a recent update? things are a bit wonky HAHA. anywayyy hope you're having a good day too and that everything goes well with college apps and acceptances!! <3

#🐿️ anon #ask

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jeongjaebae · 3 years ago

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UGH SUNWOO IN THAT RACER OUTFIT. don’t even get me started i went very very insane when i saw that stage 😭 not to mention that recent i like you dance stage with ateez UGH they were soooo cute and like . i know i am very sunwoo brained but i genuinely stopped breathing when cobie showed up in that funky little hat and his funky little glasses he’s soooo ……not to mention juyeon’s teddy bear backpack and changmin and his pochacco slay with that hat NDBSKFK the fancams for that stage made me inconsolable 😭 apparently when they talked to their stylists for the concept they wanted a “nerdy-loser” look WHICH IS SO HENKFWK that’s cat-coded ….they did it for Me…….

and i did. i Did hear about the sexy concept next comeback which …..i already have one foot in the grave just hearing about it how am i going to survive 😭😭😭 and personally !! ok as much as i loooove darker concepts i kind of want them to have a sort of ….not high-teen concept but sort of like . love me right by exo? like that sporty funky concept! i feel like it would be super fun and tbz are already lowkey sm’s stepsons so HAHA it’s not too much of a shot in the dark :’) like they sort of did it with giddy up but i’d love a more mature take on that concept now that they’re all grown up! i’d also love if they could do another ultra specific concept like they did with battle royale in maverick! what about you, are there any concepts you want them to do again?? and yeah the whole plagiarizing thing was so ….. 😬 like they just handled it badly all around wjfjwkfkwk but at the end of the day it wasn’t even eric’s fault :( he just bought the beat from the producer and while i wish they didn’t sweep the issue under the rug and pretend like nothing happened i also think he doesn’t deserve the heat he was getting from bap fans cause it’s like …there’s nothing he can do about it :”) ahh idk its just a really bad situation to be in.

also soonyoung’s disney princess moment??? no bc the way i would check instagram after a few minutes and he would just keep uploading NEW bird content like? at that point that bird is his….he should have taken it home with him 😭 i haven’t thought of my svt bias line in a long time but i think it’s currently soonyoung jihoon mingyu wonwoo?? with a special mention to cheol whenever he posts boyfriend pics. i am not immune. the way you like members who get bullied LMAO honestly i’m kind of the same?? i mean i bias doyoung and haechan who…. well doyoung is one step away from going crazy with 127 while haechan is maknae on top with 127 but when he’s with the dreamies he gets a taste of his own medicine so BDJAJFJDK not to mention mingyu fighting for his life every single day 😭 “why have a dish when you can have a buffet” LMAOOOO i’m going to use that from now on HAHAH i’m like ….Known to be a resident homie hopper no matter what group i stan

and the sunwoo fic ! funnily enough it was originally a txt yeonjun fic before becoming a hoshi fic to now becoming a sunwoo fic but its like NFBSNFK i think sunwoo is truly this fic’s final form 😭 like everything clicked into place after i transferred this fic to him so hopefully i can actually….finish writing it LOL but the basic premise of it is an exes-to-lovers fic set in idolverse! but it’s kinda like… the fic itself is more “exes” than it is “to-lovers” NDBWJFK but the first scene is yn breaking up with sunwoo, and the rest of the fic details what happens after (and before) that. so it sort of jumps between the past and present to fit in the puzzle pieces of their entire relationship and how it eventually rekindles at the end, but the entire fic carries the sentiment of there being a certain “gravity” between yn and sunwoo, like how gravity is both the reason why a planet circles a star and why they can never fall into one another again,,,, until it does. or something like that HAHA i’m kind of bad at explaining but that’s the general idea!

i hope 2023 treats you well! i’ve also been happier after talking and interacting with you 🥹🫂

a nerdy loser look omg HAHA they did it for you!! it was like total whiplash getting the racer outfits and then the cute ones and like?? they had some outfits for their whisper stages that totally did not fit whisper's concept LOL. although i can't say i was looking at tbz much during the collab stage when choi san was Right There BUT the performance was cute and i was just glad we got some post kingdom interactions :') but omg are all the tbz members your bias wreckers at this point?

OH OKAY WAIT. speaking of exo and tbz HAVE YOU SEEN TBZ'S COVER OF LOVE ME RIGHT???? and call me baby??!?! chanhee sounded so much like baekhyun doing the high notes of LMR and hyunjae has always given me such a baekhyun vibe esp in that call me baby cover SO YEAH sm's step sons indeed!! (also special mention to the four jaehyuns collab of call me baby LOL) and yeahh the battle royale theme was pretty cool but i kinda wish they went a bit deeper into the concept :') i also enjoy the dark concepts!! love love loved drink it (it's my #1 tbz song!!) and i wish that was an Actual Comeback but i guess it's similar to what they did with reveal! i wouldn't mind if they fully went into the vixx level of dark ahaha or something svt's fear... i wouldn't survive it. but if they do pull through with the wings of desire / red string of fate concept for the feb comeback that'd be so so cool 🤞 manifesting it!!

ikr i can't believe a bird just freely did that like... it's not afraid of humans??? wild. hoshi??? also wild. that probs fed into his tiger agenda for years like woOOow he can communicate with animals HAHA. omg it sounds like you bias both ends of the spectrum though... the instigator and the person on the receiving end of the bullying LMAOO. i totally feel you on the homie hopper-ness like i practically do the bias sorter every month and it'll have shuffled around slightly, my buffet is on a rotational bias like a lazy susan :') do fics (reading or writing them) ever influence your bias ranking? or is it more like whoever posts cute pics at the time? bc i see you with those recent bf seungcheol perm pics 👀

and whaaat no way you're turning a yeonjun/hoshi fic into a sunwoo fic... bc i was thinking of writing a hoshi version of one of my sunwoo fics!! and my sunwoo christmas fic was originally written for hoshi too (which... you'll see on my newly exposed svt blog ahaha). guess we all see them as the hot but actually a loser type of character LOL. but ahhh your fic sounds good already, the exes part sounds like it'll be quite angsty but i love that kind of concept! and it sounds like a good opportunity for pretty descriptions and exploring relationship dynamics. ooh are there any tropes or particular things in fics that you like to read/write? ahh anyway i hope your winter break is going well and that find the motivation you need to continue whatever you're working on atm!! 💫

#ask #cat <3

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jeongjaebae · 3 years ago

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hi cherry it's me again! i'm so sorry for dropping off the earth again... i'm not really on tumblr anymore 😭 but ill try to get back more on this platform just for you! hope you're doing well cherry!!

i haven't been able to catch up on tbz, the last cb i saw was she's the boss/sweet. (sweet i love sm esp sunwoo's raps the cocky part just gets to me.) the closest thing that i catch up on them is their tiktok's, have you seen kevin's wednesday dance?! ANYWAYS!! hope you're doing well again cherry and changmin is still my bias HAHA -🐿️

GASP IS THAT REALLY MY SQUIRREL ANON??!?? omggg it's been so long 🥺 i pretty much expected that most people i interacted with here just deactivated or ditched tumblr (and like, me too OTL i haven't been active on this blog much) but it's so nice hearing from you ahhHHH

how have you been!!! how's life and jacob?!! did you do anything fun for the holidays? hope 2022 was great for you and that this year is even better!! haha you really didn't miss much for tbz like i'm kinda just pretending that whisper didn't happen 🤡 sweet was so good and would've made a great title track and mannn i loved she's the boss so much too. i haven't really been keeping up with tbz either, kinda slipped halfway out of the fandom but i did see their tiktoks!! i'm assuming you watched wednesday then? it's on my list but i've just been lazy :') and whaooo your dedication to keeping the same bias :OO haha changmin is great tho! i'm guessing you haven't seen their recent award show performances but there were some special stages he was in!

anywayy i'm doing okay, it's winter again and the seasonal depression is kicking in but your message has made things a bit better hehe. it's so good to hear from you and i hope you're doing well too!!! 💓

#ask #🐿️ anon

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jeongjaebae · 3 years ago

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hahaha omg that's actually my caratland debut (exposing my new svt writing blog here 👀) tbh i figured there might be some overlap between the fandoms and... well, yeah i guess some people ended up seeing both versions 😅

but yes thank you for telling me!!! 🥰 and sorry for the false alarm aldjskdj i'm mildly embarrassed now ahahah

so.... if there are any carats here i'll just shamelessly promote @bitterie-sweetie !! my holiday party series was originally written for the svt members but i just posted tbz versions on jeongjaebae first!! still debating on making a changmin version of stay up OTL

1 plus 1

Pairing: Eric x reader Genre: fluff, fake dating Word count: 3.1k

While looking for an outfit for the party, you can't help but notice all the couples' BOGO sales going on. What better way to get free stuff than to pretend you're dating your best friend?

This has got to be the worst predicament you've been in this year. Forget walking into the wrong lab or tripping in front of the entire student body on campus, nothing has made you filled with such apprehension as the situation in front of you.

It's all Changmin's fault, really. He's the one who convinced you that pretending to be dating your best friend would be a good idea, but now, you don't even know if you're going to make it through this day. If you somehow actually go to his party, you're going to kill him, that scheming little—

"Y/N?" Eric's soft voice interrupts your violent thoughts. He's stopped a few steps ahead, holding out a hand as he waits for you to catch up, and that tiny smile on his lips is enough to wipe the rest of the complaints from your mind. Changmin who? The only thing on your mind is the way your palms start to heat up at the thought of having to hold his hand.

It all started a few weeks ago, at the beginning of the holiday season.

As per tradition, Changmin and Chanhee would be hosting another one of their infamous parties for the holidays this year. You received an invite from Changmin himself, perks of being his classmate or whatever it was he said; you hadn't been paying much attention when you were too busy thinking of the perfect excuse to not go. From the stories you'd heard about past events, this isn't something you particularly wanted to partake in.

But before you could spit out an excuse about your cousin's friend's sister's pet needing your full attention that weekend, Changmin was already telling you about the one plus one sales for couples that occurred during this time of year. Because Eric loves them, of course. And just imagine all the free stuff the two of you could get if you pretended to be a couple when you took him shopping to find an outfit for the party.

Simple enough, right?

When you first brought it up to Eric, you didn't think he would take it too seriously. Because, well, in your head, it should've been enough to show up together and look like a couple to participate in all those BOGO sales. The two of you standing side by side, the same awkward smiles pasted on your faces. That's why it never occurred to you that he would want to go further than the bare minimum and actually put on an act as if this was a role back in a high school drama class.

Now you'd have to live with knowing how soft his hands are and how well they seem to fit with yours as he intertwines your fingers together, but that this is only for the sake of getting a free hot chocolate. You'd know that the way his eyes soften and fill with fondness every time he looks at you is actually a look that's meant to be directed at that skincare package instead.

Once again, you curse at Changmin in your mind as you quickly catch up to Eric and slip your hand in his.

"Hey, let's go see what's over there?" he asks with a smile.

You nod, smiling back at him and ignoring the hard kick your heart does. Looks like your ulterior motive came back to bite you.

And so, the rest of the day is spent wandering from store to store and taking in all the eye-catching signs and colourful objects displayed in shop windows. You know how to play the part well and try to do an even better job than he does, almost one-upping him in a way. Eric might pull you towards him and gaze at you lovingly, but you go even further to lean in and brush away that eyelash that had fallen beneath his eye. He might take your hand in his or chain his arm with yours, but you move his arm to your waist instead so that you're nestled against his side.

It should be easy for the sake of free items, right? At least that's what you remind yourself. The truth is that this is easy because it's a role you've played all too many times in your head, having imagined this exact sequence of events. In a different context of course.

"This looks pretty cool." Eric points over in the distance and when you follow his gaze, you can see another big event going on right by the giant Christmas tree at the center of the mall.

The thought of doing any more pretending sends your stomach into a frenzy, but seeing the excitement in his eyes, you can't bring yourself to say anything. "Sure," you put on a smile and give his hand a squeeze, "let's go check it out."

The event isn't a buy one get one free sale, but rather a raffle. A bunch of prizes are lined up on the counter, with everything from cool kitchen appliances to gift cards to makeup sets and everything in between. Though raffles were never your forte, you actually consider entering this one when you see how Eric takes in the scene in front of him, eyes twinkling. You'd do it for him.

Or at least you thought you would until you get to the front of the crowd and hear the instructions for entering this raffle.

"Just take a picture of your kiss under the mistletoe," the lady says cheerfully, pointing you in the direction of the set. You follow her gaze and see it: there's a small Christmas tree, fake snow, even some reindeer figures set up.

Yes, it'd be a cute set up. It's just that you would think it's for kids' mall pictures with Santa, and not whatever the heck this is! This freaking kiss!

Before you get a chance to turn to Eric and voice your concerns, the two of you somehow get tangled up in the sea of people walking over, slowly pushing you along with them until you're right in front of the photo spot.

"You know... we, um, don't have to do this." You force on an air of nonchalance to hide your panic. At least no one else is paying you any attention; all these couples are too busy in their own world. "We probably won't win anything anyway."

So it really wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to pretend you never encountered this event and just walk away.

"Would you be okay with it?" Eric asks, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"With what? Not entering the raffle?" Of course I'd be okay with it, Eric, you think. Not an ounce of your hesitation is about the raffle or the prizes, and heck, there is no chance you'd win anything anyway.

"No," he says, shaking his head. There's a hint of a smile on his lips but his voice is quiet, perhaps hesitant like yours. "With kissing me."

You're almost sure you heard wrong.

"W-what?" you sputter, mind reeling over everything. Of all things you expected for today, kissing Eric was not one of them. It's not in the realm of imaginable things at all, and you have to force yourself to calm down when you answer. "Yeah," you croak, "um, yes. I'd be fine with that."

And for whatever reason, in the seconds upon hearing your answer, Eric's smile lights up his whole face and his eyes soften instantly. "Yeah?" He takes a step closer to you. "Okay. Good."

Everything in your mind seems to blur together as he slowly closes the distance. You're afraid, nervous, terrified that your lips are chapped, or your breath isn't pleasant. Or that your teeth might clack against his, assuming that your nose doesn't get in the way first. And no matter how well your best friend already knows you, you're not sure if he'll want to know you in this kind of way.

"Are you sure?" he whispers at the last second, breath grazing your lips. There are just millimeters between you now and he could've easily closed the distance, but he waits, searching for an answer in your eyes.

So you answer.

The second his lips meet yours, it's like all your thoughts disappear. This isn't like a first kiss, one that you always imagined might happen between the two of you, but rather a kiss of two lovers, already familiar with each other and unafraid to express their want. The unspoken 'I love you' is written through his gentle touch on your cheeks and at your jaw, and through your fingers between the strands of his soft hair.

And in this moment, it doesn't matter if this thing is for a raffle and if it's not real at all. Because none of it matters when you're kissing the one person you've been in love with for so long, when it might be enough to simply close your eyes, lean into the warmth of his every touch, and pretend.

Eric pulls back slightly and breaks the kiss first, but the way the two of you linger so closely together makes you feel like it was going to happen again.

Like it was somehow too real to be just acting.

"Oh, right," you say, quickly stepping back and ending the moment. "Um, I think we got it. Yeah?" You nod at the phone he's still holding out in front of the two of you in the selfie position. That's what quickly pulls you back to reality; you have to tell yourself it was for the selfie since it was all too easy to forget.

Eric quickly takes the phone and swipes across the screen a couple of times, away from your field of view. "Yeah, we got it."

So much for being a mediocre actor, you think bitterly. You don't know how he did it, but he has to be some sort of expert if he was able to fake something like this. Maybe he's thinking of someone else when he's doing all of this, someone who's not you.

And perhaps this is the worst part of today. Knowing how gentle the caress of his hands against your face could be, knowing the warmth of his mouth and how he tastes on your tongue.

Knowing that none of it is for you.

Eric calls you again, beckoning you over to where he's finished filling out the info for the raffle ticket, and then the two of you are off to the next spot as if nothing even happened.

In the end you don't win the raffle, but it never mattered anyway. It especially doesn't when it feels like you've won the lottery and then lost your ticket.

As the two of you continue exploring the mall, Eric gradually gets quieter and quieter. At first you don't notice it since he's been on the quieter side today, opting to walk silently next to you when he's not excitedly dragging you off to stores. But when you walk past one of those giant "1 plus 1" signs at the entrance of a store and he gives no reaction whatsoever, and he doesn't even seem to see the cats in the window of the cat cafe, that's when you realize something isn't right.

Sure, you could be overthinking it and he could merely be tired after a long day of walking around, but this is Eric. You knowyour best friend wouldn't be one to pass up any sales like this, especially since they're what you came here for today after all.

The drive home is mostly silent too, relying on the holiday tunes on the radio to fill the gaps. It's silent until he walks to you to the entrance of your house, and then he finally speaks.

"I—I have something to tell you," Eric says softly, only briefly meeting your eyes before looking at the ground.

This is it, you think. This is why he fully retreated into his head for the latter half of your outing—it must've been from the kiss. You weren't able to hide your feelings while doing all this today, and he had to have realized what a mistake everything was. Now, it might just be the downfall of your entire friendship.

"Y/N, I'm sorry."

"Why are you saying that?" You let a note of casualness slip into your voice and hope it'll conceal your concern a bit. All you want to do is to play dumb, to pretend like there's nothing wrong at all. "For what?"

Eric sighs, slumping against your front door. He looks thoroughly torn and this is probably the most stressed you've ever seen him. It has to be something big if this is a reaction even exam season couldn't get out of him, and it makes you all the more nervous too.

Because it can't mean anything good.

"Well, we didn't even end up finding you an outfit today."

"Oh. Right." You're not sure how to react to that, suddenly unsure if this should be considered good news or bad news. What you know is that it's certainly not something worth being upset over. "That's fine, don't worry about it. Honestly, I don't think I'll go to the party anymore."

A look of confusion creeps onto Eric's face. "What, why? I thought you wanted to go."

"Meh, it's not that important and like, Changmin is kind of weird." You shrug. "But that's not what you wanted to tell me, is it?"

"N-no." He briefly looks startled, and you wonder if he was about to chicken out of saying anything at all if you hadn't prompted him. You wonder if you should've just let him. "It's about... today.

"Today."

"Yeah," he says and doesn't make a move to continue.

You can see the gears turning in his mind but it's clear that neither of you want to breach the topic of how your friendship will never be the same again after everything that happened today.

"Today when we were pretending—um, how do I say this?" Eric pauses and runs a hand through his hair, then takes a deep breath. "Okay, I'll just go ahead and say it."

You have to mentally brace yourself as you await the final blow. He'll say that the two of you shouldn't have done it, that he was so focused on the sales that he never realized it'd be a mistake. Then you'd have to put on your best poker face and agree and pretend like each time you see him—if you ever see him again—you're not reminded of the fond smiles he's shown you, or how his every breath sounds when his lips are against yours.

"What we did today," he drags out slowly. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but if you were, or you just hated all of it... Sorry, I didn't mean to get so carried away." His eyes flicker to yours before looking away as the words tumble out of his mouth all at once. "I would never risk our friendship over something so trivial, Y/N. The ice cream wasn't great and hell, I wasn't even interested in that raffle."

"No, it's fine," you mutter automatically and let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. At least he doesn't want to stop being friends with you entirely. But then your mind processes his words, and you realize exactly what you heard. "Wait, did you just say you weren't interested in the raffle?"

"Yeah, I mean, the prizes weren't very good—" Eric stops abruptly. His eyes widen when they meet yours, turning impossibly big as his mouth opens slightly in realization. "I—well, I mean..."

He continues to struggle with coming up with what to say, going as far as turning away from you completely. You might've chosen to fill the silence before, but this time your heart is beating so loudly that you can hardly speak either.

Having no excuse left, Eric finally turns back to face you and sighs. "I know what we did today was supposed to be fake, but that's not how I saw it. It was real to me, Y/N. I wanted to believe that it was more than just acting. That maybe... you might feel the same way."

You can't believe what you're hearing. The kiss may have been the least expected part of your day before, but this is something straight out of a dream. It's so surreal that it has you searching Eric's face for any hint that this is some kind of joke or a prank, but the way he avoids your gaze and focuses on the ground in front of him proves otherwise.

"You... you—what?" is the only thing you can get out in this moment. You stare at him, and he stares back.

"Well, um." He blinks, licks his lips. Looks everywhere except at you. "Actually, you know what, just forget I ever said anything. If you never want to see me again, I get it."

"No, Eric." You shake your head, trying to snap out of your thoughts. "I'm just a bit in disbelief right now because I was supposed to be the one telling you that, not the other way around."

It's his turn to be frozen in shock. "What?"

"It was all real to me too." Something tells you to reach for his hand just as you'd done many times throughout the day, but this time you're tentative. This time you're hesitating at the last second like you can't believe this is really happening, that it's really okay to do when no longer under the guise of those sales, and it isn't until Eric reaches out for you that you realize it's okay. It's all real. "I've felt this way for a while and I don't know if I was ever going to tell you, but then this came up. Actually—Changmin was the one who gave me the idea of using the outfit shopping excuse to go and check out those one-plus-one sales because you like them."

Eric furrows his brows. "Changmin gave you the idea?"

"Yeah. I didn't really want to go to the party but he kind of blackmailed me with this."

"No way." His jaw drops a little. "Because Chanhee was the one who gave me the idea. I just thought it was a coincidence when you brought it up first that day."

You've heard stuff about Chanhee and Changmin's parties before but never realized that maybe this is what people meant. And now, you're not even sure if you should be mad about it. A minute ago, you were picturing the worst that could happen after today's events, but it seems like you actually got the best possible outcome, one that you hadn't even dared to hope for.

Eric gives your hand a squeeze, and when you meet his eyes, he's smiling. "So if I go to the party, will you be my plus one?"

#no but truly thanks for telling me!!! 🫶#trust my readers to find potential plagiarism cases 🥺#it was originally written for jun 😅 his love for 1+1 #but yeah i'll add links to the other versions to avoid confusion!!

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jeongjaebae · 3 years ago

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ꕥ my designated new years post!

this is going to be really short and brief cause i ... am not a girl that has a lot to say lol but ! i joined caratblr in august and even though it hasn't been that long, i just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who's here for giving my writing a chance and staying with me! i know i'm not always active and i write even less but thank you for still sticking around despite that 🫂 i can't promise i'll write at a faster pace next year but i will promise that i'll always be here, even if i'm not posting a whole ton ♡♡

thank you to all my mutuals on this blog! i wish i could list all of you but it's hard to keep track of mutuals on a sideblog and i have a notoriously bad memory 😭 but thank you for sticking around, and i hope we can interact more in the future! a special thanks to a few notable people:

@angelwonie: lia!! thank you for being my very first mutual that i talked to, and thank you for sharing your ideas of fake dating mingyu with me and indulging in my lifeguard!mingyuisms when it wasn't even an official teaser yet. i know we don't talk that much anymore, but i am always rooting for you!! every time you like my post (on main or side) it still feels like a warm hug ♡

@97-liners: jackie! i think the first post i saw from you is that one comparing seventeen members to cats and dogs? i thought you were hilarious btw but i will never forget the way i felt when i first read your fwb!jihoon fic... it changed the course of my life forever (i became a woozidan and you made me realize my inherent need to be peeled like a clementine) if there are 0 fans of that fic left i am no longer alive!!! i love love love your writing and the emotions you evoke and i always find myself coming back to your masterlist (both nct and svt!) to read dependable good writing :") i know we sometimes interact on dash but i would love to talk with you more next year! thank you for being the freshest daikon, i'm honored to taste like honey mustard 🫶

@jeongjaebae: hi sherri ♡ we only recently became mutuals but thank you for always responding to me email-length asks with your equally email-length responses LOL. i'm so thankful to have someone that i can not only be a carat with but also a deobi (and an nctzen)! thank you for continuing to post tbz fics even though the tags aren't as populated as they used to be, i promise i'll join you in posting in tbz tag soon! ready to start the deobi renaissance!! i love talking with you, especially about older kpop era things like 2nd gen groups and dream high LOL, and i hope we can talk even more next year too ♡♡♡ p.s thank you for enjoying dayglow, even while it's just a concept and a teaser :")

@shuatm: cece, whose pocket i've currently set residency in!! how could i even make this post without you lmao ,,, where to even begin! crazy that we only started talking two weeks ago but thank you for being such a trooper in the amount of information and song recs and videos i dump on you and allowing me to feed you tbz brainworms even in the midst of my own insanity 🫶 if that isn't friendship idk what is! thank you for always indulging me in the concepts and ideas i bring up to you that i can't write even if you yell at me afterwards, and i'm always always honored to have you share your ideas and drafts with me! love love love you, i hope we talk even more next year hehe ♡♡

once again, thank you to all my readers and followers, i hope you have a wonderful new year where your happiness outweighs everything else 🫶

#omg cat 🥺🥺🥺#wahhh this is so sweet ಥ‿ಥ #ahh i asked for angst fic recs bc i was sad but #ngl after getting your ask and interacting with you #i've been happier aldjsjfj #so thank u for that!!!#and for supporting my works 🫶#also glad to have met someone who's lived thru as many kpop eras as i have LOL #excited for what you have prepared for deobiland!!! (and dayglow ofc hehe)#and happy new year!!! hope 2023 treats you well and you stay healthy and happy 💓

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