junaaeeeed

[junaaeeeed]

Unspoken words:')

[junaaeeeed]

"The Quiet Departure"

I have come to realize that life is not a journey, but a circle—a relentless loop of pain and temporary joy, repeating until we are too tired to keep moving. For me, that circle is closing. The weight I carry has become too heavy, the silence too loud. It feels as though my presence here is merely a ripple in a vast ocean, destined to fade into stillness.

They say death is an end, but perhaps it is a return—a quiet reunion with the peace we were born from, the solace we spend our lives searching for. I am not afraid, for I have given all I could, even when the world offered little in return. Maybe my departure will be the gentle ending of a song too somber to be sung aloud.

To those I leave behind, forgive me. My departure is not an act of cowardice but a longing to dissolve into the infinite, where the ache of existence no longer reaches. I go now, not in despair, but in search of the stillness I have craved for so long. Perhaps in that silence, I will finally belong.

[junaaeeeed]

"The Quiet Departure"

I have come to realize that life is not a journey, but a circle—a relentless loop of pain and temporary joy, repeating until we are too tired to keep moving. For me, that circle is closing. The weight I carry has become too heavy, the silence too loud. It feels as though my presence here is merely a ripple in a vast ocean, destined to fade into stillness.

They say death is an end, but perhaps it is a return—a quiet reunion with the peace we were born from, the solace we spend our lives searching for. I am not afraid, for I have given all I could, even when the world offered little in return. Maybe my departure will be the gentle ending of a song too somber to be sung aloud.

To those I leave behind, forgive me. My departure is not an act of cowardice but a longing to dissolve into the infinite, where the ache of existence no longer reaches. I go now, not in despair, but in search of the stillness I have craved for so long. Perhaps in that silence, I will finally belong.

[junaaeeeed]

𝗠𝗶𝗱𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻

In this delusional hour of the night,

I stay awake but I'm not awake.

I daydream about the many possibilities of life.

I want this drunken consciousness to last forever.

I do not want this night to end,

I do not want to see tomorrow.

Because I'm afraid that,

when I wake up in the bright sunlight that cuts through the cataract in my eyes,

I will not be able to unsee the fact

that I have achieved nothing but age.

I'm afraid I will never be able to evade

the reality, that I will amass nothing

but hubris of days, months and years passing by.

I used to be scared of the night,

but now I'm scared of the day.

I'm scared of the mirror I look at in the morning, 'cause it makes me face myself,

my inferiority, my inability, my failure whether I look backwards or forwards. I cannot live a life without possibilities, I do not have the strength to face the reality of a life full of limitations,

neverfound opportunities,

and miscarriage of dreams.

God, if you're kind enough to exist,

give me a life in fantasy,

give me a death in denial.

[junaaeeeed]

শকুন'দের প্রিয় পানীয় হচ্ছে তাজা রক্ত,

রক্ত গিলে তারা রাজপথে নেমে আসে।

মৃত লাশের উপর দাঁড়িয়ে ফূর্তি করে

তারাও বুঝি ক্লান্ত হয়? তাই হয়তো বিধাতা জিগ্যেস করে, "পানি লাগবে?"

বিধাতা কি জানে?

শুধু পানি দিয়ে তাদের পিপাসা মেটে না।

টিয়ারশেলের ধোঁয়ায় আর কতো লাশ লুকাবি?

সাউন্ড গ্রেনেড এর বিকট শব্দে আর কতো আর্তনাদ দামাচাপা দিবি?

রাতে ঘুমাতে পারিস? ওরা আসে না? তোর নিউরনের মধ্যে শিব তান্ডব করে না?

ভয়ে করে না? কালী এসে যদি তোর হৃদপিণ্ড ছিড়েখুঁড়ে বের করে নেয়?

[junaaeeeed]

আমার অস্থিমজ্জায় প্রতিনিয়ত সৃষ্টি হচ্ছে অবসাদ,

আমার ফুসফুস জুড়ে খেলা করছে হতাশা,

আমার হৃদপিণ্ডে যাতায়াত করছে বিবর্ণতা,

আমার নিউরনরা কনফিউজড কিছু একটা নিয়ে,

আমার শিরা উপশিরায় ঘুরছে তোমার অবহেলা,

আমার শ্রবণেন্দ্রিয় শুনছে তোমার সকল মিথ্যা,

আমার অক্ষিকোটর ফেটে যাচ্ছে, দেখে তোমার নিষ্ঠুরতম আচরণ,

আমার হরমোনেরা বয়ে বেড়াচ্ছে জগতের সমস্ত নেগেটিভ এনার্জি,

আমার পাকস্থলীর মিউকাস লেয়ার গলে যাচ্ছে তোমার তিক্ততায়।

এই বুঝি যমদূত এসে গেলো!

ছারখার করে দিল আমার  বক্ষপিঞ্জর,

ছিড়েখুঁড়ে বের করলো আমার প্রাণ,

দিলেন এক অট্টহাসি, আশ্চর্য আমি তোমার হাসির আওয়াজ পাচ্ছি কেন? তুমিই যমদূত?

[junaaeeeed]

That calmness after an hour of crying is all I want. 

That freedom a bird feels after escaping from a cage is all I want. 

That freshness after a heavy rain is all I want. 

That warmth of a hug from someone who cares is all I want. 

That peace of a quiet night is all I want. 

That joy from a heartfelt laugh is all I want.

But none of these will ever be mine. 

God, I beg you, please. 

Grant me peace, end this suffering. 

My time is near, I feel it coming. 

In this darkness, I long for light. 

Let my final moments be gentle and kind. 

As I fade away, let me find the calmness I seek. 

Let my last breath be one of peace, free from this grief.

Yet deep inside, a spark of hope remains. 

I dream of a life filled with joy and love. 

I long for mornings kissed by the sun's warm rays, 

and nights wrapped in the arms of those who care. 

I yearn to laugh without pain, to smile without fear. 

To live a life where happiness is real.

I want to dance in the rain, feel the wind in my hair. 

To walk through fields of flowers, breathe in the fresh air. 

To share my heart openly, without the weight of sorrow. 

To find true peace and joy in every tomorrow.

God, if there's a chance, please let it be. 

Let me live a life that's full and free. 

Grant me the strength to rise above this pain. 

And fill my days with love and happiness again.

Date : 04.07.2024

[junaaeeeed]

Loneliness....

The room feels like it's closing in, suffocating me with thoughts of worthlessness, telling me to just give up. My brain craves a cigarette, whispering that it will bring fleeting happiness through a rush of dopamine. But I know it's temporary, just a brief escape, not a lasting solution. I don't want to live like this; I'm filled with self-loathing.

Every day feels like a struggle, and the weight on my chest gets heavier. I try to find distractions, but they never last. The nights are long, filled with restless thoughts and empty feelings. I just want some peace, a break from this constant battle.

[junaaeeeed]

আমরা ঝড়ের মধ্যে হোঁচট খেতে পারি, কুয়াশায় একে অপরকে হারাতে পারি, কিন্তু আমরা জানি, সূর্য আবার উঠবে, যা সব অস্বচ্ছতাকে স্পষ্ট করবে।

একদিন, যখন স্রোত স্থির হবে, অবশেষে বাতাস বিশ্রাম নেবে, আমরা পাশাপাশি দাঁড়িয়ে থাকব— সেদিন থাকবে না কোন অনিশ্চয়তা।

[junaaeeeed]

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙍𝙪𝙙𝙧𝙖

Rudra sat there, feeling completely alone, watching as someone laughed at his downfall. He believed he deserved every bit of pain that came his way. After all, who had ever really cared about him? His family? His friends? It always seemed like everyone was just looking for a way to escape his questions and avoid his expectations. Nobody was there for him, and no one was listening. Maybe he wasn't the ideal son, the perfect brother, or a good friend, or a perfect partner.

Sometimes, he sits alone and thinks that,"Is this really me? How did I become like this?" It wasn't just sometimes—it was every single moment. The universe seemed to constantly remind him that he was a failure, a loser who didn’t deserve to be alive on this beautiful planet. He felt unworthy of love or care. He felt as though no one belonged to him, and he didn’t belong to anyone. He was fighting against the reality, a reality that was harsh and selfish, where happiness seemed impossible.

He longed to smile, to look at the person he loved and say, “I really love you. You mean the world to me.” But the people he cared about weren't there. No one was there to listen, to truly hear how he felt or what he thought. "Is there anybody out there?" he would ask himself. "Anyone?" But nobody was there for him.This world felt like hell to him, and he didn’t want to face it anymore. "Why should I have to endure this?" he would wonder. "Why? What’s the point?" He was trapped in his sadness, feeling lost and alone.

But in the back of his mind, there was a faint hope—a small part of him that wished that she  would come to him, whisper in his ear, and say, "Rudra, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens. Your existence matters to me more than you know. I understand you’re feeling down, but don’t worry. Together, we can get through this and live the life we've always dreamed of. Rudra, please don’t lose hope. I’m here for you. Show me your smile, and sing me a song. How about 'Bhalobasha Baki'? It sounds so beautiful in your voice. 'Shudhu Tomakei Valobese' is also fine. What about if I sing a song for you? 'Amaro Porano Zaha chay' would be nice, right?"

But those words never came.

And then he laugs. He laughs at the emptiness that fills every corner of his being.

After all the pain and loneliness, Rudra found a way to turn his life around. He decided to face his struggles head-on, slowly rebuilding his confidence and finding strength within himself. With time, his hard work paid off. Rudra now has everything he once thought was out of reach: love, happiness, and a sense of belonging. He smiles often, surrounded by friends and loved ones who genuinely care for him. Rudra has come back stronger than ever, living the life he always wished for.