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jungkook97 · 1 month

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oh ari wrote this for me 😭

severed;; jjk

pairing: non-idol normie!jungkook x reader

word count: 7.7k

rating: teens & up!

genre/warnings: sci-fi, romance, drama, comedy, angst, strangers to established relationship!lovers to strangers again, soulmates au, post-college au

summary: you and jungkook had a terrible breakup. and so, you two decided to delete each other from your guys' memories.

notes: have y'all ever seen eternal sunshine of the spotless mind? severance? that's it. that's the plot, but if jungkook was in it!!

“Isn’t it diabolical to delete him from your brain?”

You shrugged, taking another chug of alcohol.

"Not if he does it first."

“Do you remember him?”

You scratched your head in confusion, not understanding the question.

“Do you remember him?” the person in the lab coat asked again.

You tilted your head once more, your brain was all muddled. There wasn’t anybody else but you and the person, and it was starting to creep you out a bit as to how cold everything was.

“Who?”

The nurse wrote down a few scribbles on her notepad.

“Success. You may proceed to the rest area now.”

You squinted your eyes as you looked down, staring at the package on your lap. It was a small box with a ribbon on it with the words, “Open when ready” card on top of it. You lifted up the card, flipping it to see the words, “THANK YOU FOR DELETING WITH US - LUMON” in the back.

Ah. It seems like I’ve deleted something from my memory.

You relaxed a bit, sighing as you got up from your seat. You remembered you had an appointment today for the procedure, but you couldn’t remember for who and for what. Probably for good reason, you hoped.

The procedure, you were told, was pretty painless. It took about a month to scan through your memories, trying to discard what is good and what’s bad, put in a floppy disk, and then delete all of it, emotions and all. You’d figured that it was a pretty painful thing, maybe some childhood trauma, a bad breakup, or a car accident…who knows.

Well, it was on the floppy disk, whatever it was. And until you were ready to look at it (in which you don’t intend to at the moment), you wouldn’t know.

And so you walked out of the cold and white doctor’s room into a softer-lit, all-green resting area. The plush couches were pressed up against the walls as you see other clients taking a rest, texting their friends and family about the procedure they had just done too.

You took a gaze at the clock: 4:32.

Looking down on the box, you could see a time written in the top corner of the card.

12:01. You’d been here for four hours.

“Did it hurt?” someone asked. You turned around, seeing a pretty attractive young man around the same age as you. He was smiling of course, elated probably that severance helped him. You wondered what his reason was, although you weren’t terribly curious either. It was none of your business.

“No, actually,” you replied nonchalantly, checking your phone. Dead, it appeared. You sighed. “You got a charger on you? Need to text my friend.”

The blonde nodded, unplugging his phone to give the cord to you.

“Battery’s full.”

You thanked him, plugging the phone in to juice it up. As the phone lit up and showed itself to be charging, the man continued asking.

“Do you remember why you're here?” he inquired. “This is my first time doing severance, and I’m worried about the after effects, you know.” He leaned into you a bit closer, whispering, “I heard the last guy who was in here puked the moment he saw his floppy disk inscription. Maybe his body remembered or something.”

You blinked, pouting. That sounded rather extreme. Surely, you’ve heard that severance doesn’t work for everyone, particularly with people who have extreme and prolonged trauma that one can’t entangle and delete easily, but throwing up after seeing the disk? You weren’t so sure about that.

“I think that’s just a rumor honestly,” you reassured the man, who was caressing his floppy disk with a lot of care. “What’s yours say?”

“Hm…” he pulled it closer to his eyes, reading it. “‘kth_2021-22.zip.’ Sounds like an ex or something. Three letters always mean ‘ex’ from what I hear.”

“God, I’m so sorry,” you patted him on the shoulder. “Breakups are the worst. Hope it’s for the best.”

The guy sighed, lifting up his jacket after it slid down his shoulders. “It’s whatever. I’m sure it was the best for me. Maybe it was a one-sided love. I hear that happens a lot.”

You found yourself agreeing with him. Although you weren’t exactly sure or really ready to look at whatever it was that got you to the Lumon office, you also felt relieved. Weirdly nervous, but very relieved. As if a big weight has been off of your shoulders, and you could take on the world.

You weren’t sure why you felt that way. Maybe it was your body remembering.

“Anyway, I think I’m gonna head out. Name’s Jimin, by the way. We should get a coffee sometime, maybe track our progress together.” He waved goodbye to you before standing up.

Gesturing for his cord back, you unplugged your phone, grabbing the cable for him. He slipped a little piece of paper in between your fingers. His number presumably.

“Oh, okay,” you replied, shaking his head with it before he lightly laughed, walking out of the resting room and into what seemed like the regular cityscape. You slunk back into the chair, the box with the supposed floppy disk in your hands. Curious, you slid it open, trying to see what your severed appointment was about.

“jjk_2020-22.zip.”

Great. An ex.

“You know what, I’m gonna do it. I’m going to fucking do it!”

You were drunk. And high. Drunk and high at the same time. It has barely been twenty four hours since you found out Jungkook deleted you from his memories and the pain was not letting up. You had been crying to the point of throwing up at this point, and it was not looking pretty.

Sure, you were a bad girlfriend (allegedly, anyways), but to the point of severance? Jungkook promised when you two started getting serious that he would never do such a thing. He loved you, he said. He loved you too much to do such an experimental procedure like that.

What a load of bullshit.

“Dude. You cannot be serious!” Namjoon exclaimed, shook to the core. He attempted to take the alcohol bottle away from you, but to no avail. “You know severance is permanent, right?”

“Yeah, and what about it?” you hiccuped, sliding your hands through the photos of the two together. That awful bastard, you thought. How can this motherfucker be laughing or smiling at all of these photos? It was jeering at you really, like some sick joke. “He had the audacity to break up with me and delete me from his memories? Oh, now he’s gonna be deleted too, FUCK him.”

Namjoon sighed.

“Isn’t it diabolical to delete him from your brain?”

You shrugged, taking another chug of alcohol.

“Not if he did it first.”

Your booksmart friend didn’t have much of a retort after that.

“W-well, didn’t you hear about the side effects? What if you forget about me?”

You chuckled, swinging the glass around in the air.

“You’re not gonna be forgotten, Kim Namjoon. You’re my best friend, for fuck’s sake.”

“W-well, I introduced you to him.”

You swallowed.

“You’re right. You’re gonna be forgotten too, Kim Namjoon.” You gestured wildly in a big circle. “We’re all gonna be forgotten! Severed! Deleted! Vanished!”

Your abnormally tall friend looked at you in disbelief. After all, you were kidding about deleting your best friend from your memories, but he was not amused at all by the possibility of you deleting Jungkook too. Namjoon had desperately tried to get Jungkook to stop the procedure which kept him at bay until one night he impulsively booked the appointment and went to do it without Namjoon knowing. It was terrible. After all, Namjoon had no idea that their breakup would even come, let alone be that awful to the point of severance.

Oh, he hated quarreling couples. Maybe it was best that he retired from his wingman occupation and went back to actually dating people. Not that it would be a joy. He was after all, this close to doing the procedure himself on a situationship he had, only to chicken out.

“She has more balls than I do,” he sighed to himself as your eyes slowly began to close and yawned repeatedly.

“I’ll delete you…Jungkook…”

It had been a week passed since you had done the procedure, and to your surprise, there wasn’t much of a fuss. Surely, your friend Namjoon seemed upset that you did it, but due to the potential complications, he had to sign a nondisclosure to not speak of the ex–er, subject that was deleted from your memory.

“I mean, you can always look back on the disk if you want,” Namjoon egged on in the middle of your guys’ brunch. “People who do it can choose to keep the disk to look back at it without the emotional attachment. I’m guessing the non-severed you wanted to cherish some memories with it.”

“Maybe,” you pondered, swirling the straw in your cup in circles, looking at a distance. There was a pit of emptiness that you couldn’t help but to feel, in which you have already brought up with the exit team. Normal symptoms, they said. It’ll take a few weeks before you’re back to normal, they said.

You thought about what your new friend Jimin had said over lunch a few days ago. Your body still remembered the events that happened from time to time, but the emotional parts of it were voided from your mind and plopped on a disk to view from a third-person perspective.

It was a scary concept turned into reality, but you weren’t entirely creeped out by it. At this point, it was fun guessing what the topic was. So far, you were able to figure out it was a breakup of sorts, but not sure with who. After all, there are 8 billion people on this planet.

“You do seem happier though,” Namjoon remarked, sipping a bit of his latte. “Like much happier. The thing…” he said carefully, dragging the second word out, “...the thing definitely held you back. The thing…uh…” he gestured in attempts to articulate further. “Ah…I don’t know how to not talk about this without mentioning–”

“Hyung!”

You glanced up, eyes directly meeting with big doe eyes. It was a young man who had a cool effortless style to him, wearing a basic white Calvin Klein tee and sweatpants, followed by a yellow Supreme hoodie. He had a full sleeve and a couple of lip piercings to boot. He was cute, but definitely was not your type.

“J-jungkook!” he stuttered, sitting up rather abruptly as he nearly knocked down his chair. You laughed, waving the air to get him to stand up.

“Please, you’re embarrassing your friend,” you retorted as the guy smiled back for a quick second.

“I’m used to Namjoon-hyung being that way. He’s our clumsy little tall friend. Huh, Hyung?”

“Ay, stop teasing me like that,” he said hastily. Namjoon took a quick glance at the both of you, clearing his throat. He seemed weirdly nervous all of a sudden, as if he was caught cheating with his side chick. “Uh…this is Jungkook. Jungkook, this is one of my college friends…”

You extended your hand out to say hello as Namjoon continued to give a whole background of how you guys met, but you were met with a blank stare, almost as if the guy was embarrassed to talk to you. There was an awkward silence between you two, and you figured to try to say something, but there was something rather dead and cold behind Jungkook’s eyes that you felt rather uncomfortable by. You grimaced, rescinding the handshake back.

What’s up with this kid? Why is he staring at me like that?

You also felt that empty feeling again, as if something was terribly missing. It was a lot, but you thought nothing of it. It seemed like it happened rather randomly and in little bursts.

“...anyway, nice to see you, little one. I need to go to my appointment, so we’ll see each other soon, yeah?”

Jungkook snapped out of the daze to nod at his broad-shouldered friend.

“Yeah. See you,” he said before waving goodbye, turning swiftly around and leaving the scene as quickly as he appeared. You frowned as you watched the kid walked away briskly, only to be met with Namjoon’s nervous expression.

“What?”

“What what?”

You sighed.

“Never mind. You’re being weird today.”

“He just stared at you? Did he know you or anything?”

“No…?” you answered with a questioning tone, sipping some more wine. It was pouring outside and you decided to have a few drinks with Jimin at his place. It turned out he was extremely and terribly gay, and definitely was not trying to hit on you when he slipped that number in your fingers. Thank God, you sighed. At least, he wasn’t going to take advantage of the fact that you maybe had an ex and try to be your rebound. Surely, you had enough rebounds in your life as it is.

“Suspicious indeed,” Jimin squinted his eyes, sipping a bit of his newly concocted cocktail. “Ah, I thought about watching the footage on the disk back this week, but someone had told me not to.”

“Why?” you leaned in closer, staring at Jimin’s disk perched on top of the coffee table. “You think you’re gonna see some bad shit on there?”

“Nah,” he remarked, leaning back on the couch and gathering his legs up to his chin. “Someone told me that they threw up after they watched everything on the disk. Like, for 10 minutes straight or something.”

“What’s with you and throwing up?” you laughed, hitting him playfully. He hit back, giggling.

“I don’t know. At this point, I think people are just lying to me.”

“Yeah, probably!”

As Jimin gathered the glasses together to start cleaning up, you drifted off for a second. What if you’re ready to see the contents of the tape? Was it safe to see what’s on it for you? What was so awful that you chose to delete this person from your memories and detach yourself like that? You wondered how much you loved this person, how much you wanted this person to be a part of your life forever…what were the possibilities? There were so many?

One thing was for sure though. You were ready to watch the tape tonight.

And so you did.

As you plopped the disk into the hard drive of your desktop CPU, it booted up, showing the LUMON logo. As the screen loaded in front of you, you tapped your fingers nervously on the keyboard, wondering what you were going to unpack.

A virtual set of eyes popped up and opened its eyelids, finished with a pair of lips. Then, a female voice greeted you.

["𝘏𝘌𝘓𝘓𝘖, 𝘐 𝘈𝘔 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘝𝘐𝘙𝘛𝘜𝘈𝘓 𝘔𝘌𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘠 𝘒𝘌𝘌𝘗𝘌𝘙, 𝘓𝘠𝘓𝘈. 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘈𝘙𝘌 𝘈𝘊𝘊𝘌𝘚𝘚𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌: 𝘑-𝘑-𝘒, 𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘙𝘌, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠, 𝘋𝘈𝘚𝘏, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠-𝘛𝘞𝘖. 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘖 𝘚𝘌𝘌?"]

A folder appeared on the screen before it opened itself up to show a multitude of videos, seemingly time stamped in the course of the past two years. You tilted your head in amazement, scrolling through all the different files and seeing one person you had seen just earlier in the week present in all the videos.

“It’s that kid. Jung…shit, what was his fucking name?”

You scratched your head trying to remember, but to no avail. No wonder Namjoon seemed nervous around you when he came by.

Was this guy your ex? A friend? What did he do to you?

You had a sinking feeling as to what it could be, only to be comforted in not seeing any sexual misconduct or assault warnings on the side of the videos. You sighed in relief, leaning back against your office chair.

Where do you even start?

That empty feeling came up again, this time stronger than before. It felt really uncomfortable, something that you wanted to go away.

Now, it was starting to make sense. The empty feelings were probably what was missing, what this person, whoever it is, is going to provide answers for.

“There was a guy it seems,” you began replying back to Lyla. “Apparently he meant the world to me based on some of these previews. I can’t seem…I can’t seem to remember him, Lyla.”

A moment of silence.

["𝘐'𝘔 𝘚𝘖𝘙𝘙𝘠, 𝘐 𝘊𝘈𝘕𝘕𝘖𝘛 𝘈𝘊𝘊𝘌𝘚𝘚 𝘛𝘖 𝘙𝘌𝘊𝘓𝘈𝘐𝘔 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙 𝘔𝘌𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘐𝘌𝘚."]

“Uh, I’m not asking…” you swore under your breath before proceeding. “Um. Not trying to remember. Just…I weirdly…have this empty feeling right now. Just wanna know if this is related to this person perhaps.”

Silence. Longer than usual.

["𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘓𝘐𝘒𝘌 𝘛𝘖 𝘝𝘐𝘌𝘞 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌, 𝘑-𝘑-𝘒, 𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘙𝘌, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘋𝘈𝘚𝘏, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠-𝘛𝘞𝘖 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘝𝘌𝘙𝘠 𝘉𝘌𝘎𝘐𝘕𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎?"]

Should I? What’s the worst that could happen?

“Yes.”

["𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙊𝙉𝙀."]

The screen turned to black.

It was you and Namjoon sitting at a restaurant booth, waiting for someone. It was late 2020 as the snow engulfed the streets of Seoul and people were hurriedly trying to get out of work since it was the end of day. You sat there seemingly nervous, pondering about something that you cannot recall what it was.

“Are you sure about this guy?” you inquired.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. He’s one of my good friends actually,” Namjoon grinned. His eyes met somebody as he gestured them over. “There he is! Jungkook!”

You peered through your shoulder to see a young man and to your shock, it was the guy who you had met earlier who was gawking at you in the weirdest way.

Pausing the video, you sat back in your chair, wondering what this encounter was. Was Namjoon introducing you to a friend as a date? You swore this guy Jungkook wasn’t your type. You preferred guys who were more clean cut, academic looking and well, not have tattoos.

Maybe Namjoon saw something in this kid that you didn’t see before. Who even knows besides continuing on watching the tape.

“Ah, we’ve met before!” you exclaimed. You stood up, giving Jungkook a warm embrace. “We met at the show that Yoongi had, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he replied, smiling back. “Namjoon talked a lot about you right after the show to me. It seemed like he was the one who was interested in you rather than trying to pitch a date, haha.”

“He does that,” you smiled awkwardly, extending your hand out to have him sit down. “Let’s eat, yeah?”

And so the conversation went on as you continued to watch the tape intently, getting a notebook to write some notes down. It turned out Jungkook was a friend of Yoongi’s, graduated from a state university back in the States and worked for some finance consulting firm nearby. You were surprised, of course, considering that the kid had a very visible sleeve tattoo alongside finger tattoos to boot. You couldn’t take the guy seriously despite the fact that he fits your profile now. After all, he must’ve charmed his way into your heart for you to have spent 2 years with the guy.

“So what do you do for a living?” Jungkook asked as he volunteered to flip the meats over to cook. You covered your mouth to swallow (a movement that you looking in retrospect gagged at, knowing that you were trying to look girly and proper in front of the guy) before answering,

“I’m a marketing director at an entertainment company,” you replied, grabbing some more seasoned bean sprouts to your plate. “I can’t say who I work for though, people would freak out.”

“Really?” he chuckled. The sound of it was impeccably attractive to you, you admit to yourself. “And why is that?”

“Because my main account is a girl group who every guy is obsessed with. Or rather, just that one singular member.”

He lifted up an eyebrow.

“Oh? I don’t think I’d be weird about it if you tell me.”

“Dude trust me, she doesn’t lie,” Namjoon joked, taking a sip of his soju. “When she told me she was working for Wonyoung’s group, I was sure that none of our boys knew so they didn't bother her for the girls’ numbers.”

“Namjoon,” you emphasized as he opened his mouth in shock, covering his mouth.

“I’m sorry!” he hastily replied, putting his hands up in defeat. “I swear–”

“No, that was on purpose!” you retorted back, throwing some seasoned spinach his way. The both of you laughed as Jungkook nervously laughed back, unsure if it was a joke or not.

“Aren’t they really young though?” Jungkook remarked, putting some cooked meat onto everyone’s plates. “Like, one of them is sixteen or something, no?”

“Eh, men are men,” you replied dryly, thanking him quietly as he passed some samgyeopsal over to you. “And men are pigs. I’ve told them this and they still don’t give a shit. Especially when it comes to little Wonyo. Everyone throws logic out of the window when I talk about her.”

“‘Wonyo’…” Jungkook’s voice trailed off. “I’m guessing you’re close to Wonyoung to call her that?”

“Yeah. You obsessed with her too?” you asked plainly.

It was a test, you could tell in hindsight. You were the type to test men out to see they weren’t creeps every single time. Namjoon hated it (“You’re starting up shit for no reason!” he would say), but as a strong independent feminist yourself, you always had to make sure that some guy you were interested in wasn’t a predatory weirdo.

“Nah,” Jungkook answered just as matter-of-factly, stuffing his cheeks with meat. “I don’t like barely legal girls.” His cheeks began to flush a faint tint of pink. “Actually, I’m more into older women.”

You choked on some mashed potatoes.

“Jesus,” you paused the video, hands covering your face. You couldn’t help but to flush as well at how incredibly cute that was. Surely, you were always into older men, but younger men lately have had a death grip on you.

You can see your old self blushing too. Ah, that was what got you to be interested, you thought. You were so predictable.

There were more conversations here and there, and you could tell over time, Jungkook felt more and more confident, extending his shoulder blades to make him look bigger than he actually was, cooking the meat a bit more aggressively and not stopping once to compliment you in some way or another. He was being outwardly flirtatious, something that you, as a Libra-dominant person, enjoyed quite a bit. You couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach flutter every time he said something wildly flirty, you would coil back in your chair out of embarrassment. He was totally your type, and it was crazy how deeply charismatic he was.

“So, when am I going to see you again, my dear?” he asked as he held the door for you. You could see Namjoon’s eyeballs roll to the back of his head as the old you continued to be flustered by how directly forward this kid was.

“How about tomorrow, you little flirt?” you teased back, pulling him into a hug. Jungkook put his arms around your waist quite immediately, his nose scrunched up in embarrassment as he was doing this in front of his good friend.

“You guys are disgusting,” Namjoon muttered loud enough for you two to hear. “What am I getting myself into with y’all being a thing…”

You leaned in closer as you could see your old self’s sparkling eyes looking into Jungkook’s. His big caramel eyes were looking back at you as well with his smile getting so big that you couldn’t help but smile too. Even though you two were getting to know each other, you could tell this was the start of something really great, although, with the fate of what happened, you wondered why this seemingly good relationship was now on a floppy disk and not in your brain.

What happened, you thought to yourself. Did Jungkook break your heart that bad for you to forget him this way? Your heart sank at the thought of it. Surely, the answers would reveal itself as the tapes go on, but somehow, you were scared to watch the rest of it.

[“𝙀𝙉𝘿 𝙊𝙁 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙊𝙉𝙀. 𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙏𝙒𝙊."]

It was a routine every night to watch a few videos from the disk. It was like binging on a new show you fell in love with, except this time, you were falling in love with this Jungkook from your computer screen.

At some point during the viewing, you found yourself pausing every few seconds, usually having to stomach what had just happened. You two were impeccably adorable, going on weekly dates the moment after the brunch ended. Jungkook was full of surprises, taking you on amusement park dates. He made you get on the biggest rollercoaster in the park, and you cried the entire time because you hated rollercoasters. You, on the other hand, took him to art museums and jazz concerts, something he always found boring. As his feet tapped in anxiousness and boredom, you would relieve your boyfriend from it by promising to get frisky in the bathrooms later on in the night, only to be blue-balled because you became hyperfixated on the topic at hand, talking about it for hours after the date was over.

In fact, you two also did a lot of fucking in the beginning, a lot. It was interesting at first as you were mostly vanilla, but as time went on, Jungkook did things to you that you never thought could happen to your petite little body. It was exhilarating to watch and also fascinating.

But also, there were arguments here and there. Jungkook was younger by a bit than you after all, and he was deeply, utterly insecure.

[“𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂, 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀. 𝙏𝙒𝙊 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙁𝙄𝙁𝙏𝙔-𝙏𝙒𝙊.”]

Jungkook slammed the door behind him, creating a bit of a scene in your apartment. You sighed, still cooking dinner for the both of you.

“Who was that on your story?” he immediately inquired as he slipped off his shoes. You knew where this was about to go. From the last episode, Jungkook found out you were still talking to your ex-now-turned-friend, Sam. Sam was an international student turned graduate who you spent all of college dating. Despite the fact that you guys were deeply compatible, you two ended up breaking up over the lack of time together, but nonetheless, you two enjoyed each other’s company.

“Sam,” you sighed, setting the bowls together. “And yes, it’s that Sam.”

You gestured Jungkook to sit down, but he was heated, hands on his hips. With his tongue sticking out from his cheek, he started pacing back and forth, a sign of agitation.

“Why did you see him? You still got feelings?”

“Jungkook,” you said sternly.

You shook your head and snorted, chewing on the bulgogi you just made. If there was anything you knew about Jungkook at this point, it was the fact that he was a deeply jealous little guy, constantly feeling like he had to compete for your attention. Surely in the beginning, he charmed his way into your pants it seemed, but things have been different since then. You two had gotten used to each other’s presence as you could tell, and Jungkook’s flirty antics were no longer getting the old you flustered.

“Is that not a fair question to ask?” he shot back, crossing his arms. “You did say that you’re the type to always get into situationships.”

“That was the old me,” you rebutted, setting some side dishes on the kitchen island. “Now can you please sit? The food is getting cold.”

Jungkook frowned, widening his stance while staring at you dead in the eye.

“Please,” you urged, waving the food in front of you. “I really don’t wanna argue today. You’ve been on edge so much lately because of the recent restructuring and I just want it to be peaceful.”

It was true. Jungkook’s job had recently merged into a bigger conglomerate and as a result, his department had been cutting people and laying off folks for weeks now. He felt extremely nervous and unhinged for quite some time, and as a result, he has been particularly accusatory toward old you in the past several episodes.

You could see the old you pleading with your eyes, sighing as Jungkook eventually swallowed his pride and came over, sitting down next to you.

“I’m sorry,” he opened his mouth sometime later in between chews. “I’m just–”

“...stressed, I know,” you completed his sentence, giving him a piece of stir-fried pork chop. “Now eat. Your girlfriend spent a couple of hours out of her day to feed her easily jealous boyfriend.”

You smiled softly back at Jungkook, in which he smiled quietly to himself, sighing.

“I wish you were there with me every day. I wouldn’t go as crazy, you know.”

“But I can’t and you know that,” you logically explained it to him. “Have you thought–”

“...of quitting?” he scoffed, shaking his head. “No, I can’t quit now. Especially since Eunwoo got promoted. If he out of all people could get promoted before I do…”

He trailed off. You sighed.

“What did I say about caring about what Cha Eunwoo is doing?” you warned.

“Ignore him,” he answered through gritted teeth, munching on the pork chop slices you gave him. “But he’s so annoying, my love.”

“Well, my love, you need to keep ignoring him for your peace! Your peace is important to me, and you’re always getting so riled up over the smallest things.”

Jungkook grimaced a bit before pouting.

“You’re telling me that the whole Sam thing is a ‘small thing’?” he did air quotes at the last two words.

At this point, you paused the video. It was getting ridiculous at how incredibly immature Jungkook was, and you were also full from your dinner.

While it was true that Jungkook was this rebellious kid who doesn’t listen for shit and gets feisty too often, you were also the same way. It was a shock how you two were compatible considering that you believed in opposites attract, but at the same time, it made all the sense. Jungkook was a mirror to you, and it was incredible how intoxicating the relationship has been. You felt a pit in your stomach in where this could go, and frankly, you weren’t looking forward to seeing it.

[𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔-𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀.]

You two were at a wedding. Jin’s wedding to be exact.

It was a lively affair, filled with friends that you grew to know over the course of a few weeks. Seokjin was the oldest in your little quartet of friends who finally proposed to his sweetheart of five years (in which she already knew way in advance because Seokjin was terrible when it comes to keeping secrets). Namjoon had finished singing some cheesy English-only number he wrote specifically for the couple, drunkenly crying after as he toasted for the newly wedded.

You were sitting with your now 2-years-older boyfriend as he goofily danced with his guitarist friend Yoongi, who was too shy to show some of his moves. He took it seriously though, doing parts of a choreography of a song he composed for Jaesang with some chic flair. The man had made good money by producing a lot of amazing beats for the industry, but this was nothing compared to how much Jungkook teased him for it.

As the song came to an end, Seokjin grabbed the mic from the DJ as audio feedback irritated everyone’s ears. He was incredibly drunk, and his new wife was urging him to sit down and drink some water to no avail.

“Ah ah, let me SING!” he protested, making his wife sit down as he continued to hiccup his way through it all. “I am the best singer on the planet, let’s goooooo~!”

The DJ soon played a slower song with Seokjin singing a half a second too late, only to start over again. Everyone was laughing, charmed by the barely married man feeling confident to sing in front of his beloved friends and family.

“You know, he isn’t bad,” Yoongi piped up as everyone began to bring out their phones to record with him doing the same. “I would love him to be in the studio with me and record something.”

“You’re scouting people now, Yoongi?” you giggled as Yoongi chuckled back, smacking his lips.

“I gotta keep my bag flowing,” he sheepishly replied.

The both of you continued to have a good laugh as Jungkook swung by in his sleek black and grey checkered Louis Vuitton suit, wrapping his arms around you.

“Babe, let’s slow dance,” he whined. “We haven’t danced together all night and we look hot together.”

“Jungkook,” you pleaded, pointing at your injured ankle. “Ankle. Sprained. Cannot dance very well.”

“I’ll carry you,” Jungkook reassured you, starting to pull you onto the dance floor. “Come on, let’s dance under the disco ball and make out. Please?”

“We’re already halfway there,” you grumbled, turning your pout into a smile. He was cheekily smiling from ear-to-ear at your approval and pulled you right in the middle of the dance floor, supporting your whole body to ensure that your sprain wouldn’t get worse.

It was a beautiful sight, and as the lights slowly dimmed for Seokjin’s impressive high notes, it looked like you two were deeply in love with each other, that happiest that you seemed to have ever been. Surely, you had a few boyfriends that made you feel something, but genuine happiness? You haven’t seen yourself smile like that in a long time. It was a core memory for sure, a core memory you wished you remembered for the life of you, but cannot.

All you could do was continue watching the tape with absolutely no control of what was to happen next. It was a rollercoaster, similar to the one that you were terribly afraid of to go on. On some days, it felt like you two were a perfect match, while other days, it felt like there was no way to understand each other. It was hot and cold, fiery and icy. Sometimes you felt like you could connect to this Jungkook, only to realize that it doesn’t matter. Fate had other plans and you two are no longer together, not knowing that this history happened.

You wondered if Jungkook now had deleted your memories of you. Namjoon didn’t want to reveal much. After all, he’s still tied under the NDA to not speak about you two because you guys weren’t supposed to know each other. You wondered if Jungkook didn’t delete you, if he missed you the way you strangely and unexplainably missed him. After all, how can you miss someone you never met? You were unsure, but you definitely felt it.

As the star of the night sings the closing notes, the two of you had your foreheads against each other, staring into each other's eyes. You couldn’t help but to feel emotional from seeing it, shedding a tear as you paused for a moment to take it in.

You fell in love with Jungkook. It wasn’t even funny anymore, you had successfully fallen in love with someone you loved and decided to forget. You couldn’t help but to feel pissed at your old self. Like, why did you do it? Why did you choose to delete him from your memory? Was it out of spite? Out of anger? What was it?

It was killing you inside, and you continued to replay the moment over and over again, seeing the happiness in both of your guys’ eyes.

“I love you,” Jungkook finally whispered. His eyes were closed now, shaking a bit out of nervousness probably.

“I love you too,” you said back immediately. “I love you so much more.”

“I love you the most,” he pressed, trying to end it.

The both of you laughed before sharing a sweet kiss together.

“Guys, let’s gather together! Bouquet throwing time!”

All the girls began to scream as the two of you parted lips. He opened his eyes to peer over your shoulder, turning you around and pushing you lightly toward the growing crowd of women.

“Go, go, go!” he urged.

And so you walked over there through the crowd carefully, making sure you weren’t putting so much pressure on the injured ankle. Eventually, you were in the back as Seokjin’s wife slowly began to rock her bouquet front and back before turning around to get ready.

“Okay, let’s…go!”

The bouquet was thrown up in the air and as everyone swarmed each other to block their way, it ended up landing in…

…your hands.

Everyone cheered on for you as you giddily yelled at the top of your lungs, ecstatic. You turned around to try to find Jungkook in the crowd, only seeing him beaming at you. You held the bouquet up and then…

…smile vanished.

“What?”

You paused the video. You wouldn't believe it. And so, you watched it again.

And again.

He did indeed turn stone-faced at the moment you pulled up the bride’s bouquet. It wasn’t a sneer. It wasn’t a frown. Just. Nothing.

“What the fuck…” you said out loud, slinking back into the couch. You unpaused the video and the scene continued.

Your smile faded at the sight of it, in which you made the same face as him, throwing the bouquet down. Jungkook, upon seeing you, turned around hastily, smacking his lips together to sit back down on his seat. You went back to your seat as well, not looking at him.

Shit. This is where it goes to shit, huh.

["𝘼𝘾𝘾𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙉𝙂. 𝙁𝙄𝙇𝙀 𝙏𝙃𝙍𝙀𝙀 𝙃𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘿 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙔 𝙎𝙄𝙓."]

The car ride home was quiet. Too quiet.

At this point, you were seething from the tape. It didn’t help that you two ignored each other for the whole night, after exchanging some “I love yous” before this bouquet incident unfolded. No one was saying anything, and it was pissing you off.

“Is someone going to say something?” you muttered under your breath, pressing the fast forward button a bit to see if things changed.

Then, a single sentence came out of Jungkook’s mouth.

“About earlier…I didn’t mean that.”

“Mean what?” you shot back, sitting up from your seat. “You literally told me to go catch the bouquet and then when I did, you made this face like…like…you don’t want to marry me or something.”

“No, that’s not what I was thinking,” Jungkook rebutted, his hands gripping on the steering wheel tighter. “I was just…taken aback, that’s all.”

“Why?”

Yeah. Why?

“Why…” he repeated to himself, trailing off. “I don’t know, my face just reacted. I don’t know what I was thinking, okay?”

“Oh really. And I’m supposed to believe you?”

“Sweetheart, can we please not argue tonight? I had a lot of fun, and it’s been a while since–”

“Oh, it’s been a while?” you interrupted, scoffing. “Oh, it’s been a while since I wasn’t a killjoy, is that it?”

You could tell Jungkook was starting to tense up, gritting his teeth.

“Yes, maybe that was it. Because, I don’t know, you have been on my ass lately about not finding a job, and you don’t pick up after yourself.”

“What? What the fuck?” you laughed bitterly as the two of you pulled up at your place. “What the actual fuck? You don’t even live with me!”

“I don’t, but I sure stayed at your house long enough to know that you’re pretty fucking gross when we’re not together. And maybe, I don’t want to move in seeing all of that, I don’t know.”

“Oh, we’re just speaking our feelings now? Clearing the air?” you shook your head in disbelief. “Well, you’re not really the most pleasant person to be sleeping next to. Have you ever thought about going to sleep at a regular time instead of playing your video games until 5 AM?”

“I have insomnia, my love,” Jungkook refuted. “You told me you weren’t a light sleeper.”

“I’m a pretty heavy sleeper. You,” you pointed right at him. “You are just loud!”

“Well, it’s not like you gave a fuck up until this point, haven’t you? You just care now because I fucking made a face at the wedding.”

“Yes, maybe that’s the case but…maybe, maybe, your little face was a sign.”

“A sign of what?”

“That we’re not going to be endgame, Jungkook.”

You were breathing hard at that point, and same with the present you. The two of you looked at each other blankly as Jungkook’s voice shook in anger.

“What the fuck are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying…” your voice quivered a bit. “I’m saying, if we can’t seem to stand each other’s habits, maybe we should break up.”

Boom. There it was.

“What?” Jungkook scoffed, licking his lips. “You’re going to break up with me after I fucking told you I love you the most?”

“You don’t,” you pressed. “If you do, you wouldn’t constantly be so insecure about Sam or any of my old exes. I shower you with endless amounts of approval every day, trying to make you feel a bit better about yourself, and you just don’t care. You pull me in with all the lovebombing, telling me we’re perfect for each other, and then you pull some shit like all of it is nothing.`

Jungkook was silent. You stared back at him, tears welling up in your eyes.

“I don’t know…I don’t know if I want to continue doing this. It’s been two years since we’ve dated and I feel like every day, I don’t know who I’m going to get next. It feels like you’re just here to only want me when you’re happy and don’t when you’re not happy. Like, what is the point of all of this?”

“‘What’s the point…’” he repeated, only to stop from there. Putting his face in his hands, he sighed deeply. “Maybe you’re fucking right. Maybe I really don’t know what the hell I want in this relationship. We fight so much and it’s so volatile. I don’t know why, I just…I always feel like I have to argue because sometimes, my dear, I cannot stand you when we do. Like, you don’t understand how I feel, how much I need to be consoled that I’m the only one–”

“YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE, JUNGKOOK,” you yelled, your hands shaking. “I keep telling you this and you don’t FUCKING believe me!”

“Then, why are you still having lunch with Sam?”

“Because we’re close friends!”

“And I’m not to you? My feelings don’t fucking matter, does it?”

“It does, it’s just–FUCK.”

You broke down into sobs as Jungkook hit the steering wheel, crying as well. In fact, that was all you two did for a bit.

“I’m going to go,” you said after a while, sniffling as you grabbed your purse. “I don’t know if we’re going to be okay after this–”

“We’re not,” Jungkook said with finality. “Let’s do it. Let’s break up.”

You turned over to him, looking at him straight in the eye. He was dead serious.

“Fine.”

You opened the door, got out, and closed the door shut behind. Jungkook put the car into drive, and drove off almost immediately.

[“𝘌𝘕𝘋 𝘖𝘍 𝘍𝘐𝘓𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘙𝘌𝘌 𝘏𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘙𝘌𝘋 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘚𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘚𝘐𝘟. 𝘌𝘕𝘋 𝘖𝘍 𝘑-𝘑-𝘒, 𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘌𝘙𝘚𝘊𝘖𝘙𝘌, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘋𝘈𝘚𝘏, 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠 𝘛𝘞𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘠-𝘛𝘞𝘖 𝘋𝘖𝘛 𝘡𝘐𝘗.”]

And so the tape ended.

It was days, days before you could move on from the contents of the disk. You miss Jungkook more than ever before. The doctors were right about the empty feeling, it does go away.

Except, it was replaced by something else, an array of feelings you feel after watching the tapes.

And so, you went on about your days. Typical, normal days.

Then, you ran into somebody. Someone who you only saw on the tapes.

It was a nice summer day when it happened. You were running errands, trying to catch up for the week and decided to stop by your favorite coffee shop.

“Jungkook?”

The young man turned around. He was wearing all black with another colored Supreme beanie with Birkenstocks.

“____?” he replied back, although unsure. You nodded, putting your small bag of groceries behind your shoulder.

“Yeah,” you answered. “It’s me.”

A moment of silence.

“Uh, I watched the tapes…um, well. I should probably preface that I deleted you from my memories–”

“Me too.”

You stood there, frozen.

“Oh.”

So that answered your question whether he did the procedure too.

“Yeah…” Jungkook continued on. “Um, I went back to see them too and uh…” his fingers began to fidget with the bottom of his shirt. “Well, I know that I don’t necessarily remember anything or remember why I chose to severe you, I can’t help but to feel sorry. For us. For what happened. I don’t know why I feel that way, but I do.”

He was deeply remorseful, very apologetic. You couldn’t help but to feel bad, lowering your bag of groceries to the ground as Jungkook stared at them, unsure of how to really react.

“I wish I didn’t delete you,” he concluded. “I wish we were still together. Watching those tapes made me feel like I lost out on something. I don’t know why I was so insecure. I could care less if you’re friends with your exes. Maybe I’m just too immature at the time. I know a great deal of time has passed, but I want us to–”

He coughed a bit, choking on his words.

“I want us to–”

He coughed a bit more, and then…

Vomit.

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed as the crowd did the same, with a few people hastily grabbing napkins from their bags so Jungkook could clean himself up.

You stared at him agape as you remembered what Jimin had said the first day you two had met.

“You…you were the guy who threw up when you saw your disk, didn’t you?” you inquired. Jungkook, now, wiping his mouth, looked up.

“How did you know?”

Your mouth grew into a smile.

“Heard from somebody.”

Jungkook smiled as well, standing up as he straightened himself up in an attempt to try to look bigger.

“Ah, well, they say it’s a side effect or something. Your body remembers.”