karamielo

[karamielo]

"Help sooad Family Survive & Rebuild in Gaza"

Vetted by gaza-vetters number in the list ✅365✅

Hello, my name sooad Muhammad, I am a 61-year-old mother and former school teacher from Gaza💔

After the army entered the city, we went out to Rafah under the attack of planes and missiles.And the bullets that spare no one, we lived in torn tents that did not protect from the heat, the cold, or the rain. All the words in the world cannot describe what we have lived through. All I want is for you to look at me and my family with a merciful heart and help me.

Before October 7th, I lived a humble life, dedicated to teaching and raising my children. But everything changed. Since that day, my family and I have been living in unimaginable conditions—without electricity, without clean water, without safety.

Our home was destroyed, and we now sleep in a torn tent, exposed to the freezing cold. My children cry from hunger and fear. The markets are empty or unaffordable. Bread is now a luxury—I knead pasta just to make something to fill their stomachs

Please open your heart and stand with us in this time of despair.

We are not asking for much—just a chance to survive. A blanket for the cold. A piece of bread. A roof that does not leak. A moment of peace for my children

I am humbly asking for your help. Your donation, no matter how small, can give us warmth, food, and hope. It can help us survive these dark days and rebuild a life with dignity.

Your support means the world to me and my family.

Please donate 🙏

All the destruction that you see, we live every day a hundred times, and we live hunger, death, and a life that has no taste of life

[karamielo]

⚠️Please Help my children ‼️

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #641 )✅️

Please donate and share

Hello friends, I am Abdullah Salem Abdullah Jaafar, 26 years old, a graduate of the University College with a degree in Information Technology - Multimedia. I used to have a beautiful family; I’m married and have four children, and my wife is pregnant.

I previously worked at a multimedia company, but because of the war, I lost my job, my home, my car, and now I have no place to live or work.

During the war, we were forced to evacuate more than four times. Each time, we had to leave everything behind without taking any of our personal belongings.

I live in northern Gaza.

We were displaced to southern Gaza, then to Deir al-Balah, then to Rafah, and now we live in an uninhabitable tent that is not suitable for living.

My daughter Rahaf was martyred in the war due to Israeli airstrikes. Now I have Iman, Malak, Basel, and my wife is in her seventh month of pregnancy.

Please, I am in desperate need of your help just to provide food and water for my children.

I lost my home and we have become homeless."

Please donate and share

[karamielo]

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #621 )✅️

Today was unlike any other.

We received a few donations and with them, we had our first real meal in over a month. For the first time in so long, we didn’t go to sleep hungry. We cried, not from pain this time, but from overwhelming joy and gratitude.

To everyone who donated, shared, or simply kept us in their thoughts thank you. You didn’t just feed us. You reminded us that we’re not alone. You gave us back a piece of our dignity and hope.

But the struggle isn’t over. We’re still in need of food, support, and a little more light in these hard times.

Please, if you can, continue to help. Every share, every dollar, every act of kindness makes a real difference.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. And please, stay with us on this journey.

[karamielo]

"Help sooad Family Survive & Rebuild in Gaza"

Vetted by gaza-vetters number in the list ✅365✅

Hello, my name sooad Muhammad, I am a 61-year-old mother and former school teacher from Gaza💔

After the army entered the city, we went out to Rafah under the attack of planes and missiles.And the bullets that spare no one, we lived in torn tents that did not protect from the heat, the cold, or the rain. All the words in the world cannot describe what we have lived through. All I want is for you to look at me and my family with a merciful heart and help me.

Before October 7th, I lived a humble life, dedicated to teaching and raising my children. But everything changed. Since that day, my family and I have been living in unimaginable conditions—without electricity, without clean water, without safety.

Our home was destroyed, and we now sleep in a torn tent, exposed to the freezing cold. My children cry from hunger and fear. The markets are empty or unaffordable. Bread is now a luxury—I knead pasta just to make something to fill their stomachs

Please open your heart and stand with us in this time of despair.

We are not asking for much—just a chance to survive. A blanket for the cold. A piece of bread. A roof that does not leak. A moment of peace for my children

I am humbly asking for your help. Your donation, no matter how small, can give us warmth, food, and hope. It can help us survive these dark days and rebuild a life with dignity.

Your support means the world to me and my family.

Please donate 🙏

All the destruction that you see, we live every day a hundred times, and we live hunger, death, and a life that has no taste of life

[karamielo]

art by the.gauntlets

gofundme for the family

[karamielo]

thinking about how, noel, when learning what ashe's and wilardo's wishes are, is able to sympathize with them to a painful extent. not being able to stand the pain of losing someone and wanting it undone, wishing your life would just end and wishing all this that's gone on for so long would be over

[karamielo]

ohhhh this definitely happened. he said something snarky or rude, or maybe even just a simple "can't you be quiet?" or "shut up" when noel was talking a lot more. i feel like sirius was definitely the kind of kid who got bullied, so sirius felt sad and realized he shouldn't have been so callous towards noel, and apologized immediately. so, now noel teases sirius, and knows he can get away with it :3 because sirius would do ANYTHING not to hurt his feelings.

i feel like sirius being especially sensitive towards noel's feelings is practically canon at this point, since it's noel's pain and suffering that causes his change in character in wilardo's conclusion, and sirius is always firm in his promise to noel. he'd do anything to not see or make him cry again... (also it just makes noel eating sirius's protective charm to essentially kill himself feel even sadder because sirius would do ANYTHING to make sure noel isn't hurt 😭)

it's mostly a throwaway line but i think a lot about how sirius says to noel "so you're the crybaby from back then" or something, which is an interesting characterization of kid noel for sirius to have considering we never see noel cry within the time period after first meeting claire up until he gets cursed. it just makes me wonder if noel was not as cheery as he seems in most of those flashbacks if sirius remembers noel as someone who cried a lot

[karamielo]

i think about it sm....because you can see how sirius tolerates noel more than he does with other characters, and it's probably because he knows that noel is particularly emotionally sensitive. (Ex: when noel teases sirius about their heights, sirius doesnt immediately lash out at noel the way he probably would for ashe and claire). he actively holds back for him.

also a small part of me feels like it might be because when claire first found noel, he was crying, so maybe when the two were first introduced to one another, noel was still sobbing a little, or noel would easily feel triggered as a kid and cry frequently, because the mansion was a place where he was free to actually be more vulnerable

it's mostly a throwaway line but i think a lot about how sirius says to noel "so you're the crybaby from back then" or something, which is an interesting characterization of kid noel for sirius to have considering we never see noel cry within the time period after first meeting claire up until he gets cursed. it just makes me wonder if noel was not as cheery as he seems in most of those flashbacks if sirius remembers noel as someone who cried a lot

[karamielo]

i tried to write a short analysis and it turned into this sorry

i've posted about it before but i just keep thinking about how sirius's conflict revolves so much around being the 'only one,' the only one who knows, the only one who saw what happened, and his resentment towards others both because he sees it as us vs them ("they" are all part of the ignorant and malicious humanity that took everything from him) and because he resents the fact that "they" (who he sees as the reason everything happened) get to live in peace due to either not knowing or not caring while also expecting him to be less hostile towards them. i think he sees it as, essentially, his right to be a jerk towards "them" who hurt him and continue to hurt him, which is honestly not even necessarily a wrong position to have, but his problem is that he projects it onto people who are totally innocent or even victims themselves, like claire.

it's because he sees "them" as a mob that he fails to conceive of other people as truly having inner worlds, instead seeing them as largely random actors. he is easily baffled by the actions of others, and doesn't usually think about or consider their inner worlds, instead just getting indignant and perpetually being completely unable to understand their actions. it's a defense mechanism, because his life and the actions of others in it must seem really bizarre and scary and random, with little recourse for really rationally explaining everything that happened to him, he just gave up and concluded everyone else is an irrational actor whose actions cannot truly be explained or comprehended, so he, to an extent, stopped trying to empathize with others because there didn't seem to be a point. everyone is just bizarre, random, and scary. he latched onto dorothy because, yes, she did save him which provoked a strong emotional response from him, but also, he could view her as 1. someone who shared his exact pain, and 2. a rational actor in a sea of people who just do evil things for no reason.

but this is deeply isolating. i imagine he must feel truly alone, and it really truly seems to hurt him that he has to live as the only one who understands all that's terrible that happened. he has no one to tell, nobody to truly seek comfort from, and can be easily driven to fear. i think part of why he gets upset with claire is not just because the fact that she was more sheltered from the things that hurt the both of them (didn't see the witch hunts, had her memories erased of her past, though she has been through a plethora of other shit, the stuff they would specifically relate to each other on is stuff that claire was somewhat sheltered from) and that it bothers him that she gets to, in his mind, live more carefree, but also, because when you care about someone, you want them to understand you, you want to be able to share your pain with them, and i think he feels hurt because he feels like he can't. i remember him saying something like "i was a fool to put my hope in her" after she mentions "patricia" in her sleep, which i think shows that it goes deeper than just jealousy of her being able to smile, but also, there's a genuine desire to be understood by someone he grew up with and cares about, as if he feels that connection is almost there but not quite and it frustrates him. and he knows it's unfair to her - he can step back and realize that there is a distinction between "them" and those like claire, but his mind is just so clouded most of the time that it's a hard distinction to make...

something that ends up being important for him to understand is that 1. being upbeat doesn't mean you don't suffer, 2. someone can still be in pain even if the pain is not the same as yours, and 3. his inability to connect with claire is not because any fault on her part, but because he keeps pushing her away. and i think that's all definitely important - no, claire does not have to have been through the exact same thing for her suffering to be meaningful, no, her smiling doesn't mean she hasn't been through shit, and regardless of how much someone else has suffered, you can still connect with them. his arc is about being able to let his guard down, and even if he still isn't fully able to see into other's worlds, realize people aren't evil, and finally stop pushing away the connection he wishes he had. some of this i think he already knew intuitively from the start, but there is perhaps a difference between knowing something and learning it.

i think this is all important, of course. but part of what i think is a tragedy in the story of witch's heart is that, i still think that hidden desire to have someone who can truly understand not just on a conceptual level but from the level of firsthand experience is a valid one, and it's really isolating and makes it feel like the world is against you when it seems like nobody else could possibly understand. while i think "claire did not have to have gone through the exact same thing as me for me to connect with her" was something he needed to learn, there's a tragic irony to the fact that sirius was never alone in his suffering to begin with.

of course, there is the fact that there were many witch hunt victims, and there were probably dozens of relatives of dead "witches" that felt much the same as him. but i think, more than that, is that someone who went through most of the same things was with him the whole time, and he just... never knew.

the duality of sirius vs noel is really interesting to me. it's said sirius copes by running away, but i don't think that's necessarily true when it comes to his emotions. i think it's true in the sense that he runs away (figuratively, occasionally literally) from other people, but i think part of sirius's problem is that he is so stooped in his own emotions that it's hard to see anything else. his worldview is defined by a defensive, afraid, "us vs. them," he sees the way he interacts with the world as forever marked by the fact that not only did he suffer, but he's the only one who knows/understands that suffering.

when it comes to "running away" in an emotional sense, i think it's noel who does that. noel would rather bury the tragedy in a ditch and leave it there, pretending it never happened and he was never affected. i mean, that's kind of noel's whole deal, trying to make it so the tragedy wasn't so, running away from pain. while he does this literally with the timeloop, he does it figuratively with the past that he can't change - the more you look, the more it seems he avoids his past like the plague, except for when he's thinking about the happy parts with claire (or, occasionally, with his mother). as opposed to many of the other characters, there's never actually a single moment of reflection on the ways he was hurt. he rarely talks about the past (outside the good parts) unless he really has to. he remembers, sure, in bonus stage his backstory seems to occur to him in a series of extended flashbacks instead of being induced via a crystal, but he doesn't really... reflect, or think about it, he just gets upset and then doesn't talk or think about it again. there's only one moment really close to him actually reflecting on anything (that one monologue in i think noel's route that's super vague), but even that's obscuring what happened. even as he reeks of someone in pain, he finds various ways to obscure it - not acknowledging it, telling himself he's doing it because he's just trying to be a moral actor, taking his worship of claire at face value and never interrogating it ("i don't feel this way because i was really hurt and latched onto her, i feel this way because she is actually just perfect") etc...

while sirius cannot let go and stews in the fact that he cannot let go, noel cannot let go but pretends he can and then tries to pretend he's not a product of his environment. sirius seeks relief, for someone else to get it, but noel would never want anyone to get it, never want anyone to look, and he seeks to get as far from it as possible. sirius wants to seek comfort and is frustrated he feels he can't - noel never even tries to seek comfort. sirius can't get over being in pain, noel is like seemingly deeply afraid of being in emotional pain (or the appearance of being in pain). well, at least for himself - i think he's okay with emotional pain when he can paint it like "oh, this hurts me but it's good for other people," but when it's just pain about what happened to him/in his life, he turns away.

and it kind of goes to show how the two operate differently in differing but similar circumstances. i see it as indulgence of the self vs avoidance of the self. it makes sense, right? if society is evil and wants to hurt you and you can't trust anyone but yourself, only your own perspective is truly sane, so you have your perspective take up a lot of space in your head and in the lives of those you interact with, but if your self is beaten down to essentially nothing and you cannot even tell who you are, your perspective cannot be trusted and should be shrunken away from, both in your own mind and in the lives of others, especially because you've found a convenient other person whose perspective is better than yours and can take the place of your own, faulty one.

the deep irony of this is is that, sirius spends a lifetime thinking he's the only one, and noel spends a lifetime thinking sirius would never desire connection with him.

sirius never knows of noel's suffering - even wilardo's conclusion only has noel reveal some parts that are the parts that sirius would not be able to relate to him on - and as such, spends so much time thinking he is alone in his suffering when someone who understands is right next to him, and noel never knows of how sirius truly feels about him, and as such, shrinks away from interacting with him entirely.

i don't know if there's any evidence for this, maybe there's not, but i can't help but feel on some level, that noel must want others to understand, must want comfort. but he cannot, will not see it, because to desire comfort is to indulge the pain to begin with. i just think he's that kind of person - he wants to be by claire's side, but he won't say it, he wants sirius to care about him, but he won't say it, so it might also follow that he wants comfort, but won't say it.

i think this kind of gets at the heart of why i like sirinoel. there is an understanding there, one so obvious, that neither of them could see. they're like, kind of an inherent tragedy to me, that they both had the capacity for understanding what happened that they both needed, but one is too rejecting of others, and the other is to rejecting of interacting with his own pain. the one who would've been able to reach out never does, even though the other needs it, because noel's the one who would never share his pain. sirius pushes everyone away, including noel to some extent, because he doesn't know noel understands, and noel pushes sirius away precisely because of the source of the pain that causes him to be able to understand. and this tragedy feels like it runs so deep - two orphaned, lonely children, in a world that hurt them, that could have spent that whole time recovering together but never did - a connection that never happened. emotions that could have connected but instead kept running in opposite directions - that's the kind of doomed yaoi bullshit i love. there is that catharsis for both of them - there is that person that can understand - but because of their viewpoints, particularly, noel's viewpoint of avoiding his pain (and of thinking sirius doesn't like him), that catharsis is left unmet, unresolved.

what's sad is that it's not for lack of care on either party. they both really care about each other... but that care is never able to get them to the point of true understanding they could have. their pain, running in parallel, so similar, yet both isolating themselves from others...

they are in some ways, polar opposites, and in other ways, exactly the same. (to be honest, the same can be said for most main 5 duos in witch's heart lol. i deadass want to make venn diagrams for every main 5 pair bc comparing and contrasting these bitches is like the core of what makes their dynamics so. delicious.) and in the end, sirius is able to find some recourse for his feelings - he is able to start to feel better without ever truly finding that understanding, able to learn that true understanding is not necessary, but instead it's connection that helps - but it feels sad that that understanding is still ultimately left not having happened, that that story of someone so much like him in what he went through... will never be told. left unspoken. it kind of haunts the story for me and i love it

this is somewhat a post for another day and it's really only a matter of time until i make a post analyzing noel/claire's relationship too, but cycling back to claire, i think the three of them all kind of need each other... claire needs the family she lost, that cares about her, sirius needs connection but also understanding, noel needs love and understanding as well... but there's something so ironic knowing a lot of sirius's and noel's character arcs and conflicts could have been so easily avoided if noel had told him, or if after the massacre, noel had explained what happened, his part in it. it's tragic misunderstanding and miscommunication - or further, lack of any communication that just gets to me. that's a lot of the tragedy in witch's heart - there's so many small tweaks you could make to the story that would've avoided so many problems. some part of witch's heart is the dramatic irony of the tragedies that didn't need to happen, but still did. and this in particular draws me in to sirinoel. the invisible, unresolved, understanding.

[karamielo]

dude i love you analysis so much. you perfect summarized my thoughts on those three in a way i could never do. especially with how sirius and noel are so similar yet act in such contrast to one another; they're a reminder that parallel line, though so similar, do not intersect.

and with what you said about how noel often runs away from recognizing his feelings and pain at all, i can't help but wonder if he pushes sirius away and relegates him to just a "person who will help me protect claire" because sirius acts so outwardly about his pain, the pain that was caused by nicholas. he has all these walls and outbursts because of how traumatized he was by the same man that noel was abused by, so, seeing sirius may remind noel of what he's trying to run away from.

i'm very happy you mentioned the beautiful irony within witch's heart, because it's just so potent, especially with these two...

also just other fun parallel/contrast things i wanted to share bc aghhhh i get too excited when people analyze these two.

1. sirius was set up to be viewed in an antagonistic manner but in the end, he easily ends up being one of the easiest men in witch's heart to sympathize with and does arguably one of the most heroic acts within the game (outside of claire) in bonus stage by dying for noel and claire. meanwhile, noel is set up to be an obvious savior for claire, but in bonus stage, he ends up doing what sirius is claimed to always do, just run off. (a bit of situational irony)

2. noel and sirius are some of each other's greatest weaknesses, but like what you said, the person that the other desperately needed. noel is linked so closely to sirius's trauma, a literal monster in his memory, while noel could easily be killed by sirius (and canonically lets him do that). they could thrive off of, and just as easily destroy one another if they dared to come closer.

3. i feel like every bit of them was built around contrasting one another and being so similar, down to design. their palettes are literally complementary colors and their eyes are meant to evoke the classic blue vs red contrast, while they still wear near identical suits. iz went as far as making the two have as opposite birthdays as possible, having sirius's in the dead of summer and noel's in the peak of winter.

also it's just very poetic that noel LOVES stars and uses his love for them as an escape from reality and a way to divulge in the very few happy memories form his past (kind of like how he acts about claire) while the man literally named after the brightest one is the person he pushes away, the one who could make him come to face with reality and help him recognize the pain he's in....

i tried to write a short analysis and it turned into this sorry

i've posted about it before but i just keep thinking about how sirius's conflict revolves so much around being the 'only one,' the only one who knows, the only one who saw what happened, and his resentment towards others both because he sees it as us vs them ("they" are all part of the ignorant and malicious humanity that took everything from him) and because he resents the fact that "they" (who he sees as the reason everything happened) get to live in peace due to either not knowing or not caring while also expecting him to be less hostile towards them. i think he sees it as, essentially, his right to be a jerk towards "them" who hurt him and continue to hurt him, which is honestly not even necessarily a wrong position to have, but his problem is that he projects it onto people who are totally innocent or even victims themselves, like claire.

it's because he sees "them" as a mob that he fails to conceive of other people as truly having inner worlds, instead seeing them as largely random actors. he is easily baffled by the actions of others, and doesn't usually think about or consider their inner worlds, instead just getting indignant and perpetually being completely unable to understand their actions. it's a defense mechanism, because his life and the actions of others in it must seem really bizarre and scary and random, with little recourse for really rationally explaining everything that happened to him, he just gave up and concluded everyone else is an irrational actor whose actions cannot truly be explained or comprehended, so he, to an extent, stopped trying to empathize with others because there didn't seem to be a point. everyone is just bizarre, random, and scary. he latched onto dorothy because, yes, she did save him which provoked a strong emotional response from him, but also, he could view her as 1. someone who shared his exact pain, and 2. a rational actor in a sea of people who just do evil things for no reason.

but this is deeply isolating. i imagine he must feel truly alone, and it really truly seems to hurt him that he has to live as the only one who understands all that's terrible that happened. he has no one to tell, nobody to truly seek comfort from, and can be easily driven to fear. i think part of why he gets upset with claire is not just because the fact that she was more sheltered from the things that hurt the both of them (didn't see the witch hunts, had her memories erased of her past, though she has been through a plethora of other shit, the stuff they would specifically relate to each other on is stuff that claire was somewhat sheltered from) and that it bothers him that she gets to, in his mind, live more carefree, but also, because when you care about someone, you want them to understand you, you want to be able to share your pain with them, and i think he feels hurt because he feels like he can't. i remember him saying something like "i was a fool to put my hope in her" after she mentions "patricia" in her sleep, which i think shows that it goes deeper than just jealousy of her being able to smile, but also, there's a genuine desire to be understood by someone he grew up with and cares about, as if he feels that connection is almost there but not quite and it frustrates him. and he knows it's unfair to her - he can step back and realize that there is a distinction between "them" and those like claire, but his mind is just so clouded most of the time that it's a hard distinction to make...

something that ends up being important for him to understand is that 1. being upbeat doesn't mean you don't suffer, 2. someone can still be in pain even if the pain is not the same as yours, and 3. his inability to connect with claire is not because any fault on her part, but because he keeps pushing her away. and i think that's all definitely important - no, claire does not have to have been through the exact same thing for her suffering to be meaningful, no, her smiling doesn't mean she hasn't been through shit, and regardless of how much someone else has suffered, you can still connect with them. his arc is about being able to let his guard down, and even if he still isn't fully able to see into other's worlds, realize people aren't evil, and finally stop pushing away the connection he wishes he had. some of this i think he already knew intuitively from the start, but there is perhaps a difference between knowing something and learning it.

i think this is all important, of course. but part of what i think is a tragedy in the story of witch's heart is that, i still think that hidden desire to have someone who can truly understand not just on a conceptual level but from the level of firsthand experience is a valid one, and it's really isolating and makes it feel like the world is against you when it seems like nobody else could possibly understand. while i think "claire did not have to have gone through the exact same thing as me for me to connect with her" was something he needed to learn, there's a tragic irony to the fact that sirius was never alone in his suffering to begin with.

of course, there is the fact that there were many witch hunt victims, and there were probably dozens of relatives of dead "witches" that felt much the same as him. but i think, more than that, is that someone who went through most of the same things was with him the whole time, and he just... never knew.

the duality of sirius vs noel is really interesting to me. it's said sirius copes by running away, but i don't think that's necessarily true when it comes to his emotions. i think it's true in the sense that he runs away (figuratively, occasionally literally) from other people, but i think part of sirius's problem is that he is so stooped in his own emotions that it's hard to see anything else. his worldview is defined by a defensive, afraid, "us vs. them," he sees the way he interacts with the world as forever marked by the fact that not only did he suffer, but he's the only one who knows/understands that suffering.

when it comes to "running away" in an emotional sense, i think it's noel who does that. noel would rather bury the tragedy in a ditch and leave it there, pretending it never happened and he was never affected. i mean, that's kind of noel's whole deal, trying to make it so the tragedy wasn't so, running away from pain. while he does this literally with the timeloop, he does it figuratively with the past that he can't change - the more you look, the more it seems he avoids his past like the plague, except for when he's thinking about the happy parts with claire (or, occasionally, with his mother). as opposed to many of the other characters, there's never actually a single moment of reflection on the ways he was hurt. he rarely talks about the past (outside the good parts) unless he really has to. he remembers, sure, in bonus stage his backstory seems to occur to him in a series of extended flashbacks instead of being induced via a crystal, but he doesn't really... reflect, or think about it, he just gets upset and then doesn't talk or think about it again. there's only one moment really close to him actually reflecting on anything (that one monologue in i think noel's route that's super vague), but even that's obscuring what happened. even as he reeks of someone in pain, he finds various ways to obscure it - not acknowledging it, telling himself he's doing it because he's just trying to be a moral actor, taking his worship of claire at face value and never interrogating it ("i don't feel this way because i was really hurt and latched onto her, i feel this way because she is actually just perfect") etc...

while sirius cannot let go and stews in the fact that he cannot let go, noel cannot let go but pretends he can and then tries to pretend he's not a product of his environment. sirius seeks relief, for someone else to get it, but noel would never want anyone to get it, never want anyone to look, and he seeks to get as far from it as possible. sirius wants to seek comfort and is frustrated he feels he can't - noel never even tries to seek comfort. sirius can't get over being in pain, noel is like seemingly deeply afraid of being in emotional pain (or the appearance of being in pain). well, at least for himself - i think he's okay with emotional pain when he can paint it like "oh, this hurts me but it's good for other people," but when it's just pain about what happened to him/in his life, he turns away.

and it kind of goes to show how the two operate differently in differing but similar circumstances. i see it as indulgence of the self vs avoidance of the self. it makes sense, right? if society is evil and wants to hurt you and you can't trust anyone but yourself, only your own perspective is truly sane, so you have your perspective take up a lot of space in your head and in the lives of those you interact with, but if your self is beaten down to essentially nothing and you cannot even tell who you are, your perspective cannot be trusted and should be shrunken away from, both in your own mind and in the lives of others, especially because you've found a convenient other person whose perspective is better than yours and can take the place of your own, faulty one.

the deep irony of this is is that, sirius spends a lifetime thinking he's the only one, and noel spends a lifetime thinking sirius would never desire connection with him.

sirius never knows of noel's suffering - even wilardo's conclusion only has noel reveal some parts that are the parts that sirius would not be able to relate to him on - and as such, spends so much time thinking he is alone in his suffering when someone who understands is right next to him, and noel never knows of how sirius truly feels about him, and as such, shrinks away from interacting with him entirely.

i don't know if there's any evidence for this, maybe there's not, but i can't help but feel on some level, that noel must want others to understand, must want comfort. but he cannot, will not see it, because to desire comfort is to indulge the pain to begin with. i just think he's that kind of person - he wants to be by claire's side, but he won't say it, he wants sirius to care about him, but he won't say it, so it might also follow that he wants comfort, but won't say it.

i think this kind of gets at the heart of why i like sirinoel. there is an understanding there, one so obvious, that neither of them could see. they're like, kind of an inherent tragedy to me, that they both had the capacity for understanding what happened that they both needed, but one is too rejecting of others, and the other is to rejecting of interacting with his own pain. the one who would've been able to reach out never does, even though the other needs it, because noel's the one who would never share his pain. sirius pushes everyone away, including noel to some extent, because he doesn't know noel understands, and noel pushes sirius away precisely because of the source of the pain that causes him to be able to understand. and this tragedy feels like it runs so deep - two orphaned, lonely children, in a world that hurt them, that could have spent that whole time recovering together but never did - a connection that never happened. emotions that could have connected but instead kept running in opposite directions - that's the kind of doomed yaoi bullshit i love. there is that catharsis for both of them - there is that person that can understand - but because of their viewpoints, particularly, noel's viewpoint of avoiding his pain (and of thinking sirius doesn't like him), that catharsis is left unmet, unresolved.

what's sad is that it's not for lack of care on either party. they both really care about each other... but that care is never able to get them to the point of true understanding they could have. their pain, running in parallel, so similar, yet both isolating themselves from others...

they are in some ways, polar opposites, and in other ways, exactly the same. (to be honest, the same can be said for most main 5 duos in witch's heart lol. i deadass want to make venn diagrams for every main 5 pair bc comparing and contrasting these bitches is like the core of what makes their dynamics so. delicious.) and in the end, sirius is able to find some recourse for his feelings - he is able to start to feel better without ever truly finding that understanding, able to learn that true understanding is not necessary, but instead it's connection that helps - but it feels sad that that understanding is still ultimately left not having happened, that that story of someone so much like him in what he went through... will never be told. left unspoken. it kind of haunts the story for me and i love it

this is somewhat a post for another day and it's really only a matter of time until i make a post analyzing noel/claire's relationship too, but cycling back to claire, i think the three of them all kind of need each other... claire needs the family she lost, that cares about her, sirius needs connection but also understanding, noel needs love and understanding as well... but there's something so ironic knowing a lot of sirius's and noel's character arcs and conflicts could have been so easily avoided if noel had told him, or if after the massacre, noel had explained what happened, his part in it. it's tragic misunderstanding and miscommunication - or further, lack of any communication that just gets to me. that's a lot of the tragedy in witch's heart - there's so many small tweaks you could make to the story that would've avoided so many problems. some part of witch's heart is the dramatic irony of the tragedies that didn't need to happen, but still did. and this in particular draws me in to sirinoel. the invisible, unresolved, understanding.

[karamielo]

How much more can you take?

[karamielo]

📚 where is that goshdarn witch's manor bro

[karamielo]

⋆˚꩜｡ HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY SIRIUS! ⋆˚꩜｡

— likes and reblogs appreciated!

💤 redrew art from 2022! here is the original->

[karamielo]

HAPY BIRTHDAY SIRUS?

[karamielo]

hey so can you just kill me with a hammer instead .

[karamielo]

do you guys think they’re into each other

sloppy make out cw? they’re clothed but there’s like. saliva idk.

[karamielo]

wrote an unrequited sirinoel fic! it's quite heavy and has some internalized homophobia, so please don't read if those things are upsetting.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66178996